ASTEROID CITY
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO. EVENING
Black and white.
A 1950's-era broadcast soundstage. Cameras on pneumatic
pedestals. Microphones on telescoping booms. A team of
technicians encircling the studio floor. The lights come up on
our host, Brylcreemed in a dark suit and necktie. He addresses
the audience:
HOST
Tonight's program takes us backstage to
witness first-hand the creation, start to
finish, of a new play mounted on the
American stage.
The lights change to reveal the "theatre district" of a
miniature metropolis: skyscrapers, streetlights, a canyon of box-
office marquees.
HOST
"Asteroid City" does not exist. It is an
imaginary drama created expressly for
this broadcast. The characters are
fictional, the text hypothetical, the
events an apocryphal fabrication -- but
together they present an authentic
account of the inner-workings of a modern
theatrical production.
The metropolis splits in two, sliding open like a curtain as the
host continues:
HOST
Our story begins, of course, with an ink
ribbon.
Revealed behind the moving scenery: a man (middle-aged, balding,
in a cowboy/western-style dressing gown with embroidered lassos
and bedroom slippers with jingling decorative spurs) hunts and
pecks at a typewriter.
HOST
Conrad Earp, playwright, native of upper
Wyoming. Well-known for his romantic/
poetic tapestries of life west of the
Rocky Mountains.
The playwright sips at a highball then continues to type at some
length before the host finally interjects:
HOST
There is little amusement to be had,
however, in watching a man type. Skip
(more)
2.
HOST (cont'd)
ahead, then, past the lonely, agonized
months of composing, revising, polishing,
editing, rewriting, cutting, pasting,
pacing, doodling, and solitary drinking --
The lights change again to reveal a full-scale, intricately
decorated theatre proscenium with curtains, footlights, and a
constellation of chalk-arrows and tape-marks zig-zagging across
the boards. Stagehands criss-cross carrying sofas and tables,
raising and lowering sandbags, removing the playwright's
typewriter and chair, etc.
HOST
-- and join our company as they take the
stage for their first read-through
rehearsal. Location: the Tarkington
Theatre, 345 South Northwest Avenue.
The host exits. The stagehands clear the floor and wait. The
room falls quiet. The playwright, center-stage, now holds in his
hands the manuscript for his completed play. He looks to the
audience; he looks to the wings; he clears his throat; he begins
to read:
PLAYWRIGHT
Curtain rises on a desert bus-stop
halfway between Parched Gulch and Arid
Plains.
The playwright gestures to various as-yet-unconstructed scenic
elements and installations.
PLAYWRIGHT
Main scenography includes: a twelve-stool
luncheonette, a one-pump filling station,
and a ten-cabin motor-court hotel.
In the nearby wings: stagehands listen next to racks of ropes
and pulleys; electricians listen next to rows of sockets and
fuses; a property master silently inventories his kit.
PLAYWRIGHT
Up-stage left: the Tomahawk Mountains
(highest peak: 11,000 feet). Up-stage
right: an unfinished highway overpass
which vaults up twenty feet then chops
off mid-air behind a permanent road-
block. Down-front: an impact crater a
hundred feet in depth and diameter
encircled by a low Little League-variety
chainlink fence. Off-stage, distant: a
650-car freight train which click-clacks
by at five miles an hour. Note to chief
electrician:
3.
Up above: a stagehand on a catwalk listens as he operates a
spot.
PLAYWRIGHT
The light of the desert sun is neither
warm nor cool, but always clean -- and,
above all: unforgiving.
The playwright introduces the players, an assembly of
professional actors and actresses, not in costume/not in
character, several in their early teens. They periodically flip
the pages of their dog-eared scripts, pencilling notes.
First: a handsome, compact actor, T-shirt with sweater tied
around the waist, brush-cut hairdo, in a folding chair turned
backwards; a reedy boy fidgeting beside him.
PLAYWRIGHT
Cast: Augie Steenbeck, war photographer,
early forties. His son, Woodrow, fourteen
(also known as "Brainiac").
Next: a brunette actress in discreet, precise make-up, hands in
lap, seated bolt upright in a pencil-skirt and tailored jacket;
a bobby-soxer filing her nails beside her.
PLAYWRIGHT
Midge Campbell, late-thirties, film
actress. Her daughter, Dinah, fifteen.
Next: a blowsy/smudged actress with an unsuccessful permanent; a
former professional quarterback.
PLAYWRIGHT
June Douglas, schoolteacher. Grif Gibson,
five-star-general.
Next: an actor in a cardigan sweater; an actor in a sailor's
peacoat; an actress in a woolen cap; more teenagers (among them
a short-haired gamine in black turtleneck, tights, and leotard).
PLAYWRIGHT
J.J. Kellogg, Roger Cho, Sandy Borden;
Clifford, Ricky, Shelly.
Finally: a man-about-town in last night's dinner jacket,
overcoat, and patent-leather shoes. He sits with his legs
crossed, at ease.
PLAYWRIGHT
Stanley Zak, sixty-five, retired.
The lights dim once more. The playwright pauses before he
concludes with reserved drama:
4.
PLAYWRIGHT
The action of the play takes place in
September of 1955. Act I. Friday morning,
7am. Act II. The next day. Act III. One
week later.
Lights fade to black. Silence.
TITLE SEQUENCE:
Widescreen/color.
A super-extended freight train rolls along rusty tracks, curving
through canyons and mesas, chugging over trusses and trestles.
The engineer leans from a locomotive window, pulling his
whistle. A pilotman rides seated on the caboose platform with
his feet on an iron step-stool. The brakeman squats perched on
the roof of a boxcar, rolling a cigarette.
Cargo: stacked Pontiacs; white gravel; horses and cattle;
avocados, pecans, grapefruits, almonds, artichokes; a tractor
and a bulldozer; a tank wagon of raw milk; and a short-range
ballistic missile labeled:
10 Megaton Nuclear Warhead
Caution: DO NOT DETONATE
without Presidential Approval
EXT. HIGHWAY. DAY
A warning bell rings at a railroad crossing.
The train slowly rattles over a blacktop interstate which
descends, sidewinding, from a distant plateau down to a concise
desert town circumvented by towering cactus, yucca, and
sagebrush. Dry winds blow red dust and tangled scrub. A
roadrunner darts and sprints. In the remote background: a range
of faraway mountains encircling the vast, sandy arena. In the
close foreground: a decorative covered-wagon roadside sign which
reads "Asteroid City, Pop. 87" in carved orange letters.
The town itself: a café, a motel, a gas station. A parked
Chrysler sedan, a Ford with a running board. White, wooden,
ranch-style fencing punctuated by telephone poles, electric
wires, and palm trees in tight clusters. A few barns and
bungalows dot the outskirts, along with a billboard advertising
an Indian reservation casino 250 miles ahead.
On the edge of the town: the ruins of the uncompleted/chopped-
off elevated highway-spur with an official roadblock warning:
Route-Calculations Error
RAMP CLOSED INDEFINITELY
Department of Roads and Rails
5.
A hundred yards into the desert: a modestly-sized astronomical
observatory; a field of small radio telescopes; a chainlink
fence with regional-monument/point-of-interest marker; a flight
of steep, skinny wooden steps which descends into a wide crater
with, at center, ensconced in a rebar display-cage: a pock-
marked metallic rock the size of a cantaloupe.
EXT. AUTO GARAGE. DAY
The filling station. A hanging sign gently creaks. "Ice, Tires,
Service." The roadrunner trots to the center of the road and
sniffs at a sun-dried (dead) snake. A hazy speck shimmers-up
over a rise down the highway. The bird watches, then jolts back
into the brush. The speck, as it approaches, takes the form of a
sand-beaten tow-truck pulling a wood-paneled station wagon in
its winch. The brief convoy pulls under the shade of the fuel-
pump awning and crunches to a stop.
Four doors open (two on the cab, two on the wagon), and release
a weary, sweaty group which includes: a small man in his early
forties, bearded, dressed in a safari jacket with a Swiss camera
around his neck. He is Augie. A gangly boy, fourteen, dressed in
Bermuda shorts and tinted plastic sun-visor labeled: "Brainiac."
He is Woodrow. Three girls with matted hair, aged four, five,
and six, dressed in a mixed combination of bathing suits, pixie
costumes, pajamas, ruby slippers, etc. They are Andromeda,
Pandora, and Cassiopeia.
(NOTE: we recognize various performers as they appear in the
story, now costumed and in-character, from their earlier
introduction in the teleplay broadcast.)
A grizzled mechanic/tow-truck driver dressed in a grease-
speckled overall jumpsuit powers up his winch, lowering the
station wagon with a clanking rumble.
Woodrow scribbles in a small notebook. The three girls wander
vaguely in a daze, whispering and humming. Augie sticks a pipe
into his mouth, produces a Zippo lighter from one of his
numerous pockets, and fuels it straight from the gasoline pump.
He lights his pipe and puffs.
(NOTE: throughout the story, Augie employs an excess of self-
conscious/actorly business: with his pipe, with his lighter,
with his camera, with his beard, etc.)
INT. LUNCHEONETTE. DAY
A narrow, checkered-tile, chrome-and-bakelite café with soda
fountain, chalkboard specials, and a short-order window
communicating to the kitchen. Slatted blinds paint light/shadow
stripes over the long counter. Country music plays on the
jukebox. A chime jingles as Augie, Woodrow, and the three girls
6.
enter. The door clatters shut. A trapped fly buzzes against the
screen.
Behind the counter, two women: a sun-spotted cashier in her
sixties seated behind the register; and a Key-lime-green-
uniformed waitress in her seventies thumbing through a Sears
catalogue. They both look up at the arriving family. Augie says
(almost inaudible) in a faintly old-Brooklyn accent:
AUGIE
Five orders of flapjacks and a black
coffee.
The waitress nods and directs the group to sit. They occupy
their stools, side-by-side. A lanky cook, forty, in a white cap
and apron, snatches down the order-slip and peers out from the
kitchen. Augie says bluntly:
AUGIE
Who needs to pee?
The girls respond with an adamant, unconvincing chorus: "Not
me." "I don't." "Nobody needs to pee." Woodrow looks up from his
notebook and says, matter-of-fact:
WOODROW
Our average speed is eighty-three feet
per second. Poor fuel efficiency due to
excess wind resistance. (Probably the
luggage rack.) Based on data before the
loss of power, obviously.
Augie nods, weary. Woodrow resumes his scribbling. The sisters
mix a potion of salt, pepper, and mustard in an ashtray as they
whisper sinister incantations. The waitress interjects:
WAITRESS
What do you little princesses want to
drink?
The sisters respond suddenly, more or less in unison:
ANDROMEDA CASSIOPEIA
We're not princesses. I'm a vampire.
PANDORA
I'm a mummy in Egypt who got buried alive
and came back to life with his head
chopped off.
CASSIOPEIA ANDROMEDA
I suck people's blood. I'm a fairy.
Pause. The waitress says agreeably:
7.
WAITRESS
How about a glass of strawberry milk?
A distant boom shudders the building. Augie and Woodrow frown.
Augie says, alarmed:
AUGIE
What was that?
CASHIER
(inevitably)
Another atom bomb test.
Augie hesitates. He leans out the open window (followed by
Woodrow). Fifty miles away, beyond the mountains: a massive
mushroom cloud billows up into the sky. Augie's eyes widen. He
holds up his camera and snaps a photograph.
INT. AUTO GARAGE. DAY
The station wagon is now hoisted up on a hydraulic repair-lift.
The mechanic, Augie, Woodrow, and the three girls look up from
below the vehicle into the grease-and-dirt-coated agglomeration
of pipes, shafts, wires, and widgets. The mechanic explains:
MECHANIC
I've seen this combination of symptoms
twice before in the `52 Estate Model. In
one case, it was a quick fix of a 75 cent
part. In the other case, it was a
difficult, costly, time-consuming
disassembly and remantling of the entire
drivetrain and lubrication mechanism
which didn't work. The motor exploded
itself, and the body was stripped and
sold for scrap. (There it is.)
The mechanic points to the corroded remains of a similar-model
station wagon in a small junkyard next door. Augie frowns.
AUGIE
Which one've we got?
MECHANIC
We're about to find out.
The mechanic opens a small cardboard box and removes a fresh,
clean, hexagonal nut. He displays it briefly to the group. He
steps up onto a footstool and reaches up to carefully fit the
nut onto the end of a threaded post. He slowly twists. Augie and
the children move closer to watch. The mechanic twists tighter
and tighter. He pauses to switch to a wrench. He gently twists
until the nut resists, then gives it a little extra goose. He
looks down at the group. He descends from the footstool and
8.
climbs up into the station wagon. He inserts the car key. He
looks down at the group again. A hopeful nod. Augie watches,
anxious.
The mechanic turns on the ignition, and the motor whirs to life.
MECHANIC
You got the first one.
AUGIE
(relieved)
How much do I owe you?
MECHANIC
Nothing. Ten dollars for the tow.
At that instant, simultaneously: both the vehicle's twin
mufflers/exhaust tailpipes backfire and explode with a muted,
concussive thud; all four tires spontaneously blow-out and drain
flat, hissing; the engine seizes and goes dead; and a sizable,
oil-coated, mechanical assembly (cast-iron, rubber-gasketed)
drops free from the undercarriage into the drip-basin below
where it sputters, vibrates, gasps, and squeals faintly,
scooting and hopping nervously in the shallow viscosity. Augie
asks, stunned:
AUGIE
What's that?
The mechanic stares, intrigued and slightly frightened, from the
driver's seat above. He says quietly:
MECHANIC
I don't know.
The mechanic quickly descends. He sprays down the assembly with
a high-pressure hose until it ceases its seizure. Augie and the
children watch in perplexed amazement. Silence.
MECHANIC
I think you got a third problem we've
never seen before.
EXT. HIGHWAY. DAY
A free-standing telephone booth next to a fence-post in the
corner of a vacant plot between the gas station and the motel
entrance. Bits of rubble and bottle-caps litter the dry, cracked
earth. A single wire extends diagonally up from the top of the
booth to an overhead line. Augie waits with the receiver to his
ear.
9.
(Woodrow lingers nearby scribbling periodically in his notebook
while his three sisters run in circles singing eerily and
swirling soap bubbles into the air with plastic wands).
SPLIT-SCREEN:
On one side: the interior of the telephone booth with chipped
paint and pencil-graffitied numbers with abbreviated exchange-
names. On the other side: the vast, wood-and-stone, low-ceiling
living room of a luxurious ranch house overlooking a golf
course. A houseboy in a yellow butler's jacket answers:
HOUSEBOY
Zak residence.
AUGIE
Romulus, this is Augie Steenbeck.
HOUSEBOY
Good morning, Mr. Augie. The gate is
open.
AUGIE
We're not there.
HOUSEBOY
(mildly surprised)
You're not here?
The houseboy checks his watch and frowns.
AUGIE
May I speak to Mr. Zak?
HOUSEBOY
Yes, Mr. Augie.
The houseboy sets down the telephone and hurries away from
camera, through the deep room, out via louvered double-doors.
Augie mops his brow with a handkerchief.
Faintly: the sounds of a siren and a distant motor. Augie leans
out of the booth and squints. Camera pans away, down the
highway, to a black Chevy sedan roaring toward, whizzing past,
then racing away from the telephone booth -- followed
immediately by a state trooper in pursuit, lights flashing. A
few exchanged gunshots pop. Camera continues panning (now 360
degrees) back to Augie watching, perturbed. (Woodrow, in the
background, adds this event to his notebook.)
In the meantime: a tall, silver-haired seventy-year-old dressed
in tartan trousers and clacking, spiked golf shoes enters the
living room followed by the houseboy and approaches the
10.
telephone. He carries a tumbler of orange juice. He is Stanley.
He picks up the receiver.
STANLEY
You're not here?
AUGIE
We're not there. The car exploded. Come
get the girls.
STANLEY
(surprised)
The car -- exploded?
AUGIE
Parts of the car. Exploded itself, yes.
Come get the girls.
STANLEY
(stiffening)
I'm not the chauffeur. I'm the
grandfather. Where are you?
AUGIE
Asteroid City. Farm-route Six, mile 75.
Come get the girls. I have to stay here
with Woodrow.
STANLEY
(perplexed)
What are you talking about?
AUGIE
(irritated)
The thing. For Woodrow. We're there.
Augie motions obliquely to the motel: a classic motor court with
individual clapboard bungalows. A sign next to the entrance
reads: "Welcome, Junior Stargazers and Space Cadets!"
STANLEY
Hm.
Silence. Stanley says grimly:
STANLEY
How'd they take it?
AUGIE
(reluctant)
They didn't.
11.
STANLEY
(puzzled)
No?
AUGIE
No.
STANLEY
(in disbelief)
No!
AUGIE
Yes.
Augie and Stanley say simultaneously, almost inaudibly:
STANLEY AUGIE
You didn't tell them. Still. I still didn't tell them.
STANLEY
(frustrated)
You promised.
AUGIE
I know.
Augie stares into space. He closes his eyes and shakes his head.
AUGIE
The time is never right.
Stanley nods slowly. He shares his advice, firm but
philosophical:
STANLEY
The time is always wrong.
Augie contemplates this. Stanley asks, less important/aside:
STANLEY
Are you OK?
AUGIE
(lightly)
No.
Silence. Both men begin to quietly, almost imperceptibly, cry.
Augie says -- just now realizing:
AUGIE
You never liked me, did you?
12.
STANLEY
(more precisely)
I never loved you.
Augie nods. They both expand on the point:
AUGIE STANLEY
You always thought I wasn't I always thought she could've
good enough for her. done better.
STANLEY
(pleased)
Yes. We're saying the same thing.
Augie takes a deep breath. Stanley drinks his orange juice, then
gives two orders (one to the houseboy, one to Augie):
STANLEY
Gas up the Cadillac. Tell the kids.
AUGIE HOUSEBOY
I will. OK.
STANLEY
I'll be there when I get there.
Augie and Stanley bluntly hang up. Woodrow and his sisters stand
next to Augie, alongside the telephone booth, waiting. Augie
opens the door and looks into the near distance. Pause. He takes
a photograph, then says:
AUGIE
It's the end of that car.
Augie begins to march across the highway. He issues clipped
instructions as Woodrow and his sisters follow behind him:
AUGIE
Andromeda: check under the floor mats.
Pandora: check the side pockets.
Cassiopeia: check the cracks between the
seats. Take everything.
(aside)
What do you think, Woodrow?
WOODROW
I think it's kind of sad.
Camera pans to the station wagon, now parked outside the garage
on its four flat tires. The mechanic continues to examine it.
Augie approaches the vehicle, steps up onto the rear bumper, and
disconnects a roof-rack strap. He pulls down valises and camera
cases, handing them to Woodrow, who lines them up in a row. The
three sisters open doors and windows and begin to throw things
13.
out onto the ground, haphazard: bags, boxes, cartons; half-naked
dolls and stuffed animals; partially-uneaten snacks, stray
socks, books, etc.
Augie opens the glove box and withdraws: gloves, a packet of
pipe-tobacco, a selection of maps and documents, and an old roll
of exposed 120mm film. He flips open the passenger-side ashtray.
He pauses. He stares. He bites his lip.
INSERT:
A cigarette butt smudged with red lipstick.
CUT TO:
A high-angle view of the entire, compact municipality. Augie,
Woodrow, and the three girls re-cross the highway (heading to
the motel) lugging their suitcases, bags, and boxes. From one
direction: a trio of assorted station wagons enters the town,
followed immediately by an Army Jeep tugging a small, steel-and-
rivet trailer. From the other direction: two more station
wagons, plus a cross-country bus which stops in front of the
luncheonette.
EXT. LUNCHEONETTE/MOTEL. DAY
The door of the bus flings open. The driver, burly, in cap and
uniform, descends first and shouts:
BUS DRIVER
Rest stop!
(checking his watch)
Thirteen minutes.
The bus driver ambles around to the nose of the bus, withdraws a
wax paper-wrapped ham sandwich from his pocket, and takes a
bite. Assorted passengers without baggage (a traveling salesman,
a small church group with collared minister, an old man with two
canes, a posse of cowboys and ranch hands) spill out and spread
in various directions to stretch their legs, use the bathrooms
(entrance on the outside of the building), smoke cigars/
cigarettes, and dart into the luncheonette. The screened door
bangs open and shut repeatedly, chiming, as hamburger-coffee-and-
doughnut-orders are called out in urgent voices. Finally, a
class of ten eight-year-old pupils accompanied by two elderly-
lady chaperones emerges from the bus carrying small suitcases
and a picnic basket with, behind them: a seasoned but youthful
schoolteacher. She wears a cardigan with knitted flowers
stitched to it, a white collar, hair sharply parted, heels. She
is June. One of the cowboys (name: Montana) briefly sidles back
into frame to discreetly give her the once-over.
June stops the group as they reach the ground, announcing:
14.
JUNE
Head count! Boys and girls?
The children immediately gather close and look up at June as
each chirps his/her number, one to ten. June nods officiously.
JUNE
Plus Libby, Margie, and me. All present.
Let's give thanks for a safe journey.
Billy?
The children briskly fold their hands and bow their heads. A
freckled boy improvises:
FRECKLED BOY
Dear Heavenly Father, We thank Thee
kindly for a terrific bus ride. I ate
three boxes of Crackerjacks and got a dog-
whistle and a miniature map of the
original thirteen colonies. Also: we saw
a coyote get run over by a fourteen-
wheeler, and it left him flat as a
pancake. Boy, oh, boy! What else? The bus
driver had to stop twice because Bernice
couldn't hold it.
A girl with curly red hair opens her eyes and interjects
sharply:
CURLY-HAIRED GIRL
Could so!
JUNE
(loudly)
Amen.
"Amens" all around; then June calls out, commanding but
pleasant:
JUNE
Lunchtime! Line up single-file.
(NOTE: an increasing traffic of criss-crossing people appear in
the foreground and background of this scene, welcoming arriving
parties, preparing accommodations, rushing.)
Car doors swing open and whang shut as families disembark from
the newly-arrived station wagons parked at various angles
between the luncheonette and the motel. First: a strikingly
blonde woman in her mid-thirties, glamorous in dark sunglasses,
accompanied by her gum-chewing fifteen-year-old daughter. They
are Midge and Dinah. Their driver/bodyguard is a tall, burly man
in chinos and a blazer. His eyes scan left and right, checking
security. Midge says, perspiring:
15.
MIDGE
My word! It's hot.
DINAH
(shrugs)
It's the desert. What'd you expect?
MIDGE
Well, I don't know if I expected one
thing or another -- but I'm wilting like
a cut petunia.
Next: a businessman in his late forties, summer suit, straw hat
tipped back, accompanied by his son, fourteen, in tennis
clothes. They are J.J. and Clifford. Clifford plucks a tiny,
bright red pepper from a vine on a trellis outside the
luncheonette and holds it up to his father:
CLIFFORD
You dare me?
J.J.
(absently)
Dare you what?
CLIFFORD
(brightly)
To eat this hot pepper. It's an
experiment.
J.J.
No.
Clifford bites the pepper in half. J.J. waits.
Next: a woman, forty-five, accompanied by her daughter,
fourteen, both in brown-and-white gingham girl scout-type
uniforms (labeled "Cookie Troopers"). They are Sandy and Shelly.
Sandy wears a badge which reads "Regional Headmistress" and
nibbles from a carton of Cookie Trooper Jam-Crispies. (She keeps
a box of this kind in hand at all times throughout the story.)
Shelly carries a movie magazine ("Screen Dreamboats") tucked
under her arm. She whispers to her mother, furtive but
awestruck, peering back past the other families:
SHELLY
Holy Toledo. That's Midge Campbell.
SANDY
(alerted)
Where? Who?
SHELLY
Right smack in back of you. Don't look.
16.
Next: inside the open front window of the motor court check-in
office, the motel manager (tall, rangy, amiable, in a bolo tie
and Western shirt) greets a scientist (fifty, Hawaiian
shirt/white trousers) accompanied by his aviator-spectacled son,
fifteen. They are Roger and Ricky. The motel manager guesses
correctly:
MOTEL MANAGER
Mr. Cho? You're in cabin seven. Well,
tent seven. Here's the key, but there's
no door (just a flap). Ha-ha.
The motel manager smiles, uneasy. Roger hesitates, skeptical:
ROGER
Tent?
MOTEL MANAGER
(regretfully)
I know.
In the background: Clifford enters hyperventilating with his
tongue sticking out. He begins to fill up/guzzle down paper
cones of water one after another from a dispenser in the corner
while the motel manager continues to explain to Roger:
MOTEL MANAGER
I upgraded the electrical system Tuesday
morning. Better lighting, power for the
ice-machine, and a wall-mounted bug-
zapper. Unfortunately, a mistake got
made, and cabin seven burned to the
ground. It's a tent now.
ROGER
(in disbelief)
We don't want to sleep in a tent.
MOTEL MANAGER
(soothing)
Of course, I understand. May I say: I
think you'll find it very comfortable.
(distracted)
Is the young gentleman in distress?
The motel manager points. Clifford is now kneeling below the
water dispenser, drinking directly from its spigot. J.J. waits
in the doorway nearby:
J.J.
He's thirsty.
17.
MOTEL MANAGER
Of course, I understand.
(to Roger)
Juice preference, please. Apple, orange,
or tomato?
Just outside: an arcade of fifteen vending machines (sodas,
candy, snacks, coffee, milk, fruit, toiletries, nylon
stockings). The posse of cowboys and ranch hands loiters as
Montana fights with the cigarette machine, banging it with his
fists, then kicking it. The motel manager pokes his head out the
window and shouts, anxious:
MOTEL MANAGER
Excuse me, sir?
MONTANA
(frustrated)
This bucket of nuts just stole my
quarter.
MOTEL MANAGER
(apologetic)
I beg your pardon.
The motel manager ducks back inside. All the vending machines
light up at once and begin to hum. Montana tries the machine
again and receives his pack of cigarettes.
Camera now makes its way through the neat, little compound of
freshly painted bungalows and small palm trees; past a cabin
which has incinerated completely to a cinder except for its
bathtub; past an immediately adjacent canvas tent; past a
communal shower where a woman in a bathrobe and slippers is
waiting outside clutching a folded towel and a bar of soap; and
finally to Augie and his family, who have arranged themselves,
seated on suitcases, stumps, and footstools, outside the open
door of a bungalow marked "Cabin #10." An unseen figure inside
operates a vacuum cleaner.
In his hands, Augie holds: a green and yellow Tupperware salad
bowl, sealed. In the background: a gardener/handyman tends to a
flower bed; the breeze rustles linens hanging from a
clothesline; a yipping terrier chases a thrown stick; big band
music plays softly from a radio. Augie says, pained, as camera
comes to a stop:
AUGIE
And, to put it bluntly, after all the
surgeries, therapies, and interventions,
after two years of struggling and
suffering: she succumbed to her
illnesses.
18.
Woodrow and his sisters are immobile and thunderstruck. Tears
run down Augie's cheeks.
AUGIE
I'm sorry. I didn't know how to tell you
then. I couldn't figure out how to tell
you later. I didn't know what to do. The
time was never right.
Silence. Woodrow finally asks:
WOODROW
You're saying our mother died three weeks
ago?
AUGIE
Yes.
The three girls begin to cry continuously at a low decibel from
this point through the end of the scene. Andromeda asks,
sobbing:
ANDROMEDA
When is she coming back?
AUGIE
(excruciatingly)
She's not coming back. Let's say she's in
heaven, which doesn't exist for me, of
course -- but you're Episcopalian.
Augie hugs the family together. They sit for a minute, absorbing
the situation. Augie says to Woodrow:
AUGIE
Did you know? Already.
WOODROW
I think so.
Augie nods. He says softly:
AUGIE
She'd been away so long.
(pause)
We're going to be OK. Your grandfather's
on his way. We're going to stay with him
for -- a period of time which has yet to
be determined how long it's going to be.
Woodrow points at the bowl. Augie nods again, holding back tears
as he says with the slightest twinkle at the absurdity of it:
19.
AUGIE
Yes. She's in the Tupperware.
Pause. Augie suddenly clarifies for the girls, who look slightly
confused:
AUGIE
Cremated.
Woodrow peels open a corner of the top of the bowl and peers
inside. He reseals it. Pandora asks, weeping:
PANDORA
Are we orphans now?
AUGIE
(pause)
No, because I'm still alive.
Pandora nods. Augie reaches into the past:
AUGIE
When my father died, my mother told me,
"He's in the stars." I told her, "The
closest star other than that one --"
(pointing to the sun)
"-- is four and half light years away
with a surface temperature over 5000
degrees centigrade. He's not in the
stars," I said. "He's in the ground." She
thought it would comfort me. (She was an
atheist.) The other thing she said which
is incorrect: "Time heals all wounds."
No. Maybe it can be a Band-Aid. Your
concept of time is completely distorted,
though. I don't think any of you except
Woodrow even understands what fifteen
minutes means.
PANDORA
(whimpering)
Fifteen minutes is sixty-two hundred
hours.
AUGIE
Exactly. That's not your fault. I
definitely handled this wrong, by the way
-- but handling it right wouldn't've
helped, either.
Woodrow and his sisters gaze into space. Augie says finally,
hopeful:
20.
AUGIE
If you could have anything in the world
to eat right now: what would it be?
INT. LUNCHEONETTE. DAY
The three sisters sit at the counter eating banana splits, eyes
red from crying. Woodrow sips a vanilla milkshake with a striped
straw. Augie sadly tamps his pipe. In the background, outside
the window: the posse of cowboys and ranch hands rush into view
and hurriedly grab up baggage left behind for them on the tarmac
(including guitar/banjo/bass fiddle cases) and race scrambling
after the bus; but it drives away without them. Then: the Chevy
pursued by the state trooper races by again in the opposite
direction, dragging its muffler. (A pair of motorcycle police
have now joined the chase.) The sounds of the engines and
popping gunshots diminish. Pause.
Augie looks down the length of the diner. At the far end: Midge
and Dinah are finishing a late breakfast. (The driver/bodyguard
seated alone in a corner, works on a crossword puzzle.) Augie
watches for a moment, then winds his camera and takes a picture.
Midge looks to Augie directly after the shutter clicks. She
frowns. She says loudly across the room with food in her mouth:
MIDGE
You took a picture of me.
Woodrow and Dinah look up. Augie answers:
AUGIE
Uh-huh.
MIDGE
Why?
AUGIE
(shrugs)
I'm a photographer.
MIDGE
You didn't ask permission.
AUGIE
I never ask permission.
MIDGE
Why not?
AUGIE
Because I work in trenches, battlefields,
and combat zones.
21.
MIDGE
(surprised)
Really?
AUGIE
Uh-huh.
MIDGE
(intrigued)
You mean you're a war photographer.
AUGIE
(vaguely)
Mostly. Sometimes I cover sporting
events. My name is Augie Steenbeck.
Long pause. Woodrow and Dinah meet eyes. Woodrow quickly returns
to his milkshake. Dinah watches him coolly. Midge presses on:
MIDGE
What are you going to do with it? That
picture.
Augie considers this. He says theoretically:
AUGIE
If it's any good, I guess I'll try to
sell it to a magazine, now that you
mention it. "Midge Campbell Eating a
Waffle."
MIDGE
Make me a print first. To approve.
AUGIE
Uh-huh.
Dinah raises her hand. Midge looks at her.
MIDGE
This is Dinah.
AUGIE
(pause)
This is Woodrow.
DINAH
I have a question.
AUGIE
(pause)
Uh-huh.
22.
DINAH
Have you ever been shot? With bullets.
Midge looks at her daughter and raises an eyebrow. Augie says,
slightly reluctant:
AUGIE
Once or twice. Just grazed.
WOODROW
He got shrapneled in the back of the
head, too.
(to Augie)
Show her.
Augie sighs. He twists, and Woodrow points to a bald dot above
the nape of Augie's neck. Dinah nods, interested. Midge turns
back to her waffles -- but says pointedly (without looking):
MIDGE
I don't say I forgive you yet, by the
way.
EXT. METEOR CRATER. DAY
A congregation has assembled at the bottom/center of the impact
crater below the observatory. The audience of parents,
guardians, schoolchildren, and military personnel sits in
folding chairs in front of a make-shift stage and dais. A banner
decorated with stars, comets, and rockets reads:
ASTEROID DAY 1955
Sponsored by
the United States Military-science
Research and Experimentation Division
& the LARKINGS Foundation
"For a Powerful America"
A uniformed aide-de-camp stands next to an American flag waving
on a short flagpole. A business executive in a dark suit (with a
badge on the lapel: "LARKINGS Corp.") sits discreetly in the
background. Woodrow, Dinah, Clifford, Roger, and Shelly wait on
display in an uneasy row behind a table arranged with five neat
red-white-and-blue velvet boxes. Augie is in the audience with
the girls who are now made-up as witches and goblins with
plastic fangs and claws. A cameraman films the proceedings in
16mm from a tripod on a rickety scaffolding tower.
(NOTE: from this scene forward most of the visiting parents,
students, judges, et al. wear tags displaying their full names
and the stars/comets/rockets motif.)
At a lectern also decorated with the stars/comets/rockets motif
stands: a tall, square-jawed, broad-shouldered, immaculately
23.
pressed and polished five-star officer in his mid-fifties. He is
General Gibson. His voice reverberates over a P.A. speaker:
GENERAL GIBSON
Welcome! From the United States Military-
science Research and Experimentation
Division (in conjunction with the
Larkings Foundation). We salute you.
Reserved applause as General Gibson salutes in various
directions. He refers to his notes (typewritten, orderly) and
begins:
GENERAL GIBSON
Each year we celebrate "Asteroid Day,"
commemorating September 23, 3007 B.C.
when the Arid Plains meteorite made earth-
impact.
General Gibson motions to the small, spherical rock within the
rebar cage at the center of the crater.
GENERAL GIBSON
The itinerary for this three-day
celebration includes a tour of the newly
refurbished observatory with Dr.
Hickenlooper and her staff --
General Gibson motions to a woman (age: fifty) dressed in red
plaid trousers, climbing boots, and a belted leather jacket. She
is Dr. Hickenlooper. Her younger assistant wears a white lab
coat.
GENERAL GIBSON
-- a picnic supper of chili and
frankfurters with evening fireworks
display --
General Gibson motions to the waitress, cashier, and cook seated
together in the audience; and, next to them, the mechanic who
now wears a badge: "Pyrotechnics Expert."
GENERAL GIBSON
-- the viewing of the Astronomical
Ellipses at its peak (just before
midnight tonight) --
General Gibson looks up at the sky. He looks back down to the
audience.
GENERAL GIBSON
-- and finally, the awarding of the
annual Hickenlooper Scholarship after
Monday's banquet lunch.
24.
General Gibson motions to the aide-de-camp, who holds up: a
giant-sized cashier's check in the amount of $5,000 made out to
"New Hickenlooper Scholar." He looks briefly to the five
teenagers and motions to the boxes on the table.
GENERAL GIBSON
I'll start by presenting the
commemorative medals -- but, first, I'll
do my speech, first (which you'll also
receive in a folio edition as a
souvenir).
During the following recitation, General Gibson gives a
carefully rehearsed performance, modulating pace, volume, and
emphasis for dramatic effect:
GENERAL GIBSON
"Chapter one: I walked to school eighteen
miles each morning, milked the goats,
plucked the chickens, played hooky,
caught fireflies, went skinny-dipping in
the watering hole, said my prayers every
night, and got whipped with a maple
switch twice a week. That was life.
Chapter two: my father went off to fight
in the war to end all wars (it didn't),
and what-was-left-of-him came back in a
pine box with a flag on top. End of
chapter two. Next: I went to officer
school and twenty years passed at the
speed of a dream. A wife, a son, a
daughter, a poodle. Chapter three:
another war. Arms and legs blown off like
popcorn. Eyeballs gouged out,
figuratively and literally. The men put
on shows under the palm fronds dressed as
women in hula skirts. That was life. In
the meantime, somebody else's story: a
man thinks up a number, divides it by a
trillion, plugs it into the square root
of the circumference of the earth
multiplied by the speed of a splitting
atom -- and voila! Progress. I'm not a
scientist. You are. End of chapter three.
Junior Stargazers and Space Cadets --"
General Gibson motions to the schoolchildren, seated with June
and the chaperones.
GENERAL GIBSON
"-- we watch, transfixed, as you enter
into uncharted territories of the brains
and spirit. If you wanted to live a nice,
quiet, peaceful life: you picked the
(more)
25.
GENERAL GIBSON (cont'd)
wrong time to get born." That's my
speech.
Silence. Suddenly: enthusiastic (if slightly puzzled) applause
from the whole group.
GENERAL GIBSON
Be notified: you are each the guardian of
your own safety. Maintain alert caution
throughout the following demonstrations.
MONTAGE:
First: Ricky (in safety helmet, gloves, and boots) manipulates
the controls of a roaring jet-pack as he hovers twenty feet
above the cowering audience, blasting them with dust and dirt.
His father, grimacing on the ground, clings to the end of a rope
tether, struggling to prevent his son from rocketing up higher
into the sky.
GENERAL GIBSON (V.O.)
To Ricky Cho, for his work in the field
of Aeronautical Induction:
General Gibson pops open one of the velvet boxes and presents
the contents to Ricky as he announces his prize:
GENERAL GIBSON
"The Collapsing Star Ribbon of Success."
Next: a heavy, clay plate catapults into the air as Clifford
hoists a metallic-and-plastic electromagnetic death-ray up to
his shoulder and pulls the trigger, silently zapping the plate
into a shower of glowing dots which linger in space, sizzling,
then pop away like electric soap bubbles.
GENERAL GIBSON (V.O.)
To Clifford Kellogg, for his work in the
study of Particle Disintegration:
General Gibson presents/announces Clifford's prize:
GENERAL GIBSON
"The Black Hole Badge of Triumph."
Next: faces crowd all around a terracotta pot filled with black
soil inside a glass incubation box.
GENERAL GIBSON (V.O.)
To Dinah Campbell, for her work in the
area of Botanical Acceleration:
Dinah turns a dial. A quartet of coiled tubes at the upper
corners of the box begin to hum and vibrate, and a green stem
26.
pokes up out of the dirt, uncurls, grows, and finally delivers a
perfect geranium blossom -- which almost immediately withers and
sheds its petals.
DINAH
It's fueled by cosmic radiation instead
of sunlight. Unfortunately, it makes
vegetables toxic.
General Gibson presents/announces Dinah's prize:
GENERAL GIBSON (V.O.)
"The Red Giant Sash of Honor."
Next: Shelly stands next to a large periodic table on a stand as
she displays a hunk of doughy, grey paste in a mason jar.
GENERAL GIBSON (V.O.)
To Shelly Borden, for her work in the
realm of Mineral Fabrication:
Shelly opens the jar, shakes the hunk of paste into her hand,
and squishes it slightly. She politely announces:
SHELLY
I synthesized an extraterrestrial
element. It's going to be added to the
periodic table next year.
General Gibson presents/announces Shelly's prize:
GENERAL GIBSON
"The Distant Nebula Laurel Crown."
Next: Woodrow glances now and then to the sky as he carefully
adjusts the angles of hinged lenses and mirrors on a doughnut-
shaped erection of beams, posts, and braces.
GENERAL GIBSON (V.O.)
To Woodrow Steenbeck, for his work in the
sphere of Astronomical Imaging:
Woodrow steps back and double-checks a list in his notebook. He
clicks a switch, illuminating a circle of light bulbs. A
hologram of the moon the size of a beach ball appears at the
center of the device, rotating slowly, pocked with crisply-
rendered craters.
General Gibson presents/announces Woodrow's prize:
GENERAL GIBSON
"The White Dwarf Medal of Achievement."
27.
Not yet finished: Woodrow drops a small, glass slide into a
slot, casting the image of an American flag onto the surface of
the hologram-moon. He points up. Everyone looks. In the clear,
afternoon sky: the American flag appears in full color on the
surface of the actual moon itself. A collective gasp from the
audience. Spontaneous, giddy applause. Woodrow says calmly:
WOODROW
It may have applications in the
development of interstellar advertising.
Finally: the five teenagers (now wearing their various pins,
medals, sashes, etc.) bow and smile, politely accepting an
enthusiastic ovation.
INT. OBSERVATORY. DAY
A classroom separated by glass-partition-walls from the adjacent
laboratory offices and dormitory chambers. Children/teenagers
sit in school desks. Adults (parents, teachers, military) stand
crowded around the edges of the room. Outside: the field of
spinning radio telescopes. Dr. Hickenlooper, at a table in
front, concludes:
DR. HICKENLOOPER
Our little tour ends here. Thank you for
your attention -- and thank you to the
Larkings Foundation for their generous
funding.
The audience filters their way out the door. Woodrow lingers
next to Dr. Hickenlooper as she puts on lipstick in a compact
mirror. He points to a small display on the terrace outside: a
scoreboard decorated with varicolored light-bulbs and blinking
panels. It emits a repetitive combination of electronic noises.
WOODROW
What do those pulses indicate?
DR. HICKENLOOPER
(zipping her handbag)
What? Oh, the beeps and blips. We don't
know. Indecipherable radio emissions from
outer space. Probably a red herring.
WOODROW
(pause)
Does it change? Ever.
DR. HICKENLOOPER
Not to my knowledge.
WOODROW
It's a date. Maybe.
28.
Dr. Hickenlooper squints at the display. She nods slowly.
DR. HICKENLOOPER WOODROW
It's a date? Maybe. On the galactic calendar.
DR. HICKENLOOPER
(hollering)
Mary!
Dr. Hickenlooper's assistant appears at her side, curious. Dr.
Hickenlooper nods at Woodrow as she speculates:
DR. HICKENLOOPER
We think it's a date on the galactic
calendar.
ASSISTANT
(surprised)
Wow!
Woodrow checks his watch. He frowns.
WOODROW
Is it always today?
Dr. Hickenlooper checks her own watch. She looks at Woodrow,
puzzled/impressed.
EXT. MOTEL GARDEN. EVENING
Strung lights in the shapes of little planets festoon the palm
trees. The juke box (now outdoors) plays a lush/romantic
orchestral tune. The luncheonette waitress and cook serve from
pots and trays (chili, hot dogs, potato chips and potato salad,
pickles, stacks of white bread) at a buffet on the edge of an
arrangement of white-papered picnic tables which seat festive
groups in mid-supper: the five teenagers; the parents/guardians;
the military personnel; the school group; Dr. Hickenlooper and
her assistant; the posse of cowboys and ranch hands who missed
the bus.
Table #1: the freckled boy says grace for his classmates,
teacher, and chaperones:
FRECKLED BOY
We thank Thee for the ketchup, and we
thank Thee for the mustard. We thank Thee
for the relish, and we thank Thee for the
onions. We thank Thee for the --
JUNE
(suddenly)
Head count!
29.
The children/chaperones hesitate, looking at each other,
uncertain. They chirp their numbers once again -- but there is a
silence after "six." June frowns. She says, anxious:
JUNE
Where's Dwight?
Table #2: J.J., Roger, and Sandy engage in a slightly combative
debate:
J.J.
Less than zero-point-zero-zero-zero-zero-
zero-zero percent chance exists of
extraterrestrial life in the entire
universe. It's a scientific fact. Other
than space bugs and microscopic worms.
ROGER
I assertively disagree.
SANDY
So do I. It's not a scientific fact.
ROGER SANDY
It's not even a number. Pass the pickles, please.
The motel manager interjects as he lights sparklers and passes
them to his guests:
MOTEL MANAGER
How's the chili?
J.J.
(without looking up)
Fine.
MOTEL MANAGER J.J.
Thank you. Once you add the hot sauce.
ROGER
(passing the pickles)
Consider the constants: endless space and
immeasurable time. The likelihood is
increased by a factor of infinity.
J.J.
(distracted)
Where'd you get that?
The driver/bodyguard, listening nearby, sips a dry martini from
an undersized glass. The motel manager chimes in warmly:
MOTEL MANAGER
The cantina machine.
30.
Roger and Sandy perk up considerably. Augie and Midge, opposite
each other at the head and foot of the table, conduct a
separate/simultaneous conversation:
AUGIE
Can you see anything? With those on your
face.
Midge points to her dark sunglasses ("These?"), then removes
them -- revealing a severe black-eye/shiner with purple, pink,
and yellow highlights. Augie looks surprised but responds with
clinical stoicism:
AUGIE
Gadzooks. What'd you do to deserve that?
MIDGE
Nothing.
AUGIE
Who hit you?
MIDGE
Nobody.
Midge licks her finger and rubs the bruise. It smudges slightly.
Augie squints. Midge explains:
MIDGE
It's greasepaint. To feel like my
character. It's there on purpose.
AUGIE
(intrigued/confused)
Oh.
Augie contemplates this for a moment. He says finally:
AUGIE
How does she get a black eye? In the
story.
MIDGE
She doesn't. In the story. It's on the
inside.
Table #3: General Gibson and the business executive review a
sheaf of documents:
EXECUTIVE
The Larkings Foundation claims permanent,
incontestable rights to all patents or
inventions derived from any and every
submission, without exception.
31.
GENERAL GIBSON
Not for teenagers. (Read the fine print.)
The projects all belong to Uncle Sam.
Table #4 ("Reserved for Junior Stargazer Honorees"): Clifford
does a yo-yo trick for Dinah, Ricky, and Shelly.
CLIFFORD
I call it: "Triple Orbit and Return
without Burning up in the Atmosphere."
Clifford swirls the yo-yo three times into the air, then whips
it back quickly. He watches to see how impressed the others are.
(Hard to judge.) Dinah looks away -- then says suddenly to an
off-screen character:
DINAH
Why are you sitting there all by
yourself?
At a remove of approximately twenty feet: Woodrow is perched on
a metal camper's ice chest with his dinner plate in his lap. He
looks around in all directions to determine if he is the person
actually being addressed.
DINAH
Are you shy?
WOODROW
(long pause)
I'm a late bloomer. So I've been told (by
my parents).
CLIFFORD
(bluntly)
Are you intimidated by us?
WOODROW
(short pause)
No.
CLIFFORD
Let's do a personality test. (What's your
name, again?)
WOODROW
(hesitates)
Woodrow L. Steenbeck.
RICKY
What's the "L" for?
WOODROW
Lindbergh.
32.
CLIFFORD
Everybody: look at Woodrow.
Dinah, Clifford, Ricky, and Shelly all stare intently at
Woodrow. Woodrow turns bright red, but meets their eyes.
Clifford nods wisely.
CLIFFORD
I agree: shy, but not intimidated.
RICKY
Move over here, Woodrow.
Ricky nods to a vacant seat at the picnic table. Woodrow
reluctantly transports himself and his dinner. (In the
background, Clifford climbs an ivied trellis.) Dinah points at
Woodrow's hat as he sits:
DINAH
"Brainiac." It sort of goes without
saying, doesn't it? Everybody already
knows we're abnormally intelligent.
WOODROW
(hesitates)
That's true. My mother made it for me.
It's supposed to be funny (according to
her sense of humor) -- but it's not as
hilarious as it was originally.
DINAH
How come?
WOODROW
Because she was alive then. Now she's
dead.
DINAH
Oh.
WOODROW
(oddly)
Ha-ha.
Ricky and Shelly look away/down, nod and murmur, uncomfortable.
Dinah asks Woodrow:
DINAH
What was she like?
Woodrow thinks for a moment. Dinah, Ricky, and Shelly stare
intently at him again. They suddenly look concerned. Woodrow, as
before, has turned bright red, now with puffy eyes and tears
streaming down his face. He appears to be, nevertheless, still
33.
searching for an answer. Dinah, Ricky, and Shelly wait,
speechless. Woodrow reaches into his pocket and takes out a
photograph. He shows it.
WOODROW
Like this.
INSERT:
A snapshot of a dazzling, dark-eyed, thirty-year-old brunette in
a one-piece bathing suit laughing, exuberant, as she bathes in
an inflatable swimming pool on a downtown fire-escape.
Dinah studies the picture. She says, solemn:
DINAH
When'd you lose her?
WOODROW
(hesitates)
Officially? This morning (but I think I
already knew).
Dinah looks shocked/confused. Clifford's voice interrupts,
calling from off-screen:
CLIFFORD (O.S.)
Howdy!
Woodrow, Dinah, Ricky, and Shelly look all around -- then up:
Clifford has climbed onto the roof of the closest bungalow where
he stands, hands on hips, legs apart, casually heroic. Shelly
frowns.
SHELLY
What are you doing up there?
CLIFFORD
(shrugs)
Just enjoying the night air.
Woodrow, Dinah, Ricky, and Shelly watch Clifford briefly,
faintly annoyed. Clifford continues:
CLIFFORD
You dare me?
SHELLY
(blankly)
Dare you what?
CLIFFORD
To jump off this bungalow. It's an
experiment.
34.
RICKY
No.
Clifford leaps off the rooftop (flailing deliberately as he aims
for a patch of thick grass which he partially misses) and bangs
into a garbage can which spills orange peels, soups cans,
processed meat tins, etc. He stands up, limping but pleased, and
picks grass off his skin. Woodrow (who, looking at his watch,
appears to have timed the descent) says, aside:
WOODROW
I love gravity. It might be my favorite
law of physics, at the moment.
INSERT:
A vending machine labeled "Martini with Twist." In a window on
the front of the unit: a lemon on a little spool spins while an
automated paring knife curls free a sliver of peel -- which
drops down to garnish a clear liquid in a glass cup.
EXT. MOTEL OFFICE. EVENING
The motel manager passes the martini to J.J., who is just
finishing a previous cup. Roger's and Sandy's are half-full/half-
empty.
J.J.
Be that as it may, I strongly question
whether your daughter's Silly-Putty
resembles anything from outer space.
SANDY J.J.
It's not Silly-Putty. I'm sorry, but I doubt it.
SANDY
It's called S'morestozium.
J.J. clinks Sandy's glass and takes a sip. He is impressed.
J.J.
This is excellent.
MOTEL MANAGER
(modest but proud)
Thank you. It's really all the machine's
doing.
SANDY
What the devil do you know about
Astrogeology, anyway, J.J. (whatever that
stands for)?
35.
MOTEL MANAGER
I just maintain the workings.
SANDY
Shelly's thesis is supported by --
ROGER
(interrupting)
"Flimsy, outdated evidence."
SANDY
(slightly taken aback)
I beg your pardon?
ROGER
Not in my opinion. I liked the Silly-
Putty (or S'morestozium, in fact). I'm
quoting what he said.
Roger points at J.J. The motel manager laughs suddenly. J.J.
frowns. He responds to Roger:
J.J.
Your son's project very well might've
killed us all today, by the way.
SANDY
(gently icy)
Coming from the family that brought us
the electromagnetic death-ray.
J.J.
(obviously)
It's a weapon. Of course, it's lethal.
SANDY
(twizzling her drink)
So you admit it!
J.J.
Not to mention Brainiac's flag. Is he
trying to provoke World War III?
ROGER
The jet propulsion belt is eminently
safe. I'd allow an eight-year-old boy to
operate it. In fact, I did (Ricky's
cousin Chip), and he broke the solo-
flight altitude record.
MOTEL MANAGER
(pause)
They're strange aren't they? Your
children. Compared to normal people.
36.
On this point: J.J., Sandy, and Roger all sharply agree (and are
even slightly emotional contemplating the subject).
EXT. MOTEL CABIN #7. EVENING
Between the burned ruin and the canvas tent: the five teenagers
sit together in a circle on the ground (under a pink oleander,
near a humming air conditioning unit). Dinah rapidly explains
the rules of a game:
DINAH
After that, the second person says the
name the first one said and adds another;
then the third person says both plus a
new name; then the next person keeps
going and so on in a circle. It's a
memory game. Get it?
RICKY
I think so.
DINAH
I'll start. Cleopatra.
RICKY
(pause)
Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose. Like
that?
Dinah nods. The five teenagers adjust and re-situate themselves,
physically and mentally. Shelly picks up where Ricky left off:
SHELLY
Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, Antonie
van Leeuwenhoek.
CLIFFORD
(eagerly)
Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, Antonie
van Leeuwenhoek -- Paracelsus.
Clifford raises an eyebrow. Woodrow points to each player as he
recalls his/her name:
WOODROW
Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, Antonie
van Leeuwenhoek, Paracelsus --
(pointing to himself)
Kurt Gödel.
A murmur of appreciation. Camera now pans from one player to the
next as Dinah lists:
37.
DINAH
Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, Antonie
van Leeuwenhoek, Paracelsus, Kurt Gödel --
(pause)
William Bragg.
Clifford and Ricky interject immediately:
CLIFFORD
Which one?
RICKY
There's two.
Dinah quickly clarifies:
DINAH
William Henry Bragg.
A murmur of acceptance. Exchanged looks as the group prepares
for the next round. Ricky pauses, then recites speedily:
RICKY
Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, Antonie
van --
Ricky hesitates an instant. Everyone chimes in just as he
remembers:
RICKY OTHERS
Leeuwenhoek. Leeuwenhoek.
RICKY
(continuing)
Paracelsus, Kurt Gödel, William Henry
Bragg.
Ricky nods, satisfied. He says suddenly (as Dinah chimes in):
RICKY DINAH
Lord Kelvin. Add the new one.
SHELLY
(immediately)
Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, Antonie
van Leeuwenhoek, Paracelsus, Kurt Gödel,
William Henry Bragg, Lord Kelvin --
Pause. Shelly looks to Dinah and says, embarrassed/excited:
SHELLY
-- Midge Campbell. (Can I say her?)
38.
DINAH
(impassive)
As long as she's a real person. You can
say anybody you like.
CLIFFORD
Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose --
DINAH SHELLY
Including my mother. She's my idol.
CLIFFORD
(bristling)
My turn. Jagadish Chandra Bose, Antonie
van Leeuwenhoek, Paracelsus, Kurt Gödel,
William Bragg (the father), Lord Kelvin
(the mathematical physicist), Midge
Campbell (your mother) --
(pleasantly)
-- Konstantin Tsiolkovsky (the rocket
scientist).
A murmur of annoyance. Ricky says, uncertain:
RICKY
I don't know if this game works with us.
Brainiacs, I mean. I think it might go on
forever.
SHELLY
I don't mind. In my school, nobody'd play
this game with me in a million years --
plus the names'd be too obvious.
CLIFFORD
I know my next one. Diophantus.
A murmur of further annoyance. Dinah proposes to Woodrow:
DINAH
Try it backwards, Brainiac. Say the new
one first.
Woodrow pauses. He points to himself first:
WOODROW
Hj Tokiyuki.
Woodrow then goes carefully backwards through the group:
WOODROW
Konstantin Tsiolkovsky, Midge Campbell,
Lord Kelvin, William Henry Bragg, Kurt
(more)
39.
WOODROW (cont'd)
Gödel, Paracelsus, Antonie van
Leeuwenhoek, Jagadish Chandra Bose --
Woodrow stops at Dinah. Pause.
WOODROW
Cleopatra.
EXT. DESERT. EVENING
Outside the fence at the rear the motel: the posse of cowboys
and ranch hands have pitched camp for the night (an open fire, a
circle of sleeping bags, saddles and tack, a strummed banjo)
fifty yards into the desert. They perch on rocks and rucksacks,
smoking cigarettes and sipping at bottles of beer. They watch as
June swings one leg then another over the fence, agile, and
strides out toward them. She arrives, glaring.
JUNE
Put out that cigarette, Dwight.
One of June's pupils (a boy with a cowlick) puffs a last puff at
a cigarette butt. He darts it into the fire.
JUNE
You men should be ashamed of yourselves.
The cowboys and ranch hands exchange looks: puzzled, amused,
embarrassed. June presses the question:
JUNE
Are you?
Montana stands up. He interjects, courtly and (perhaps) honest:
MONTANA
Yes, ma'am. We didn't give him that.
MONTANA JUNE
(clarifying) (coolly)
That cigarette. Didn't you?
MONTANA
No, ma'am. He just must've got it his own
self.
Montana smiles/laughs. June looks to the boy. The boy shrugs.
June and Montana study each other briefly. June says (less
cool):
JUNE
I almost believe you.
(to the boy)
Let's go.
40.
The boy reluctantly drags himself to his feet, nodding to the
men as they murmur polite goodbyes. Montana tips his hat to
June. June rolls her eyes. She takes the boy by the hand and
starts briskly back toward the fence.
INT. MOTEL CABINS #9/10. EVENING
Cabin #9: Midge paces back and forth in the open window of her
bathroom while she reads aloud from a screenplay, rehearsing
herself (half off-book):
MIDGE
"Was I ever there? Was I ever there? Was
I ever there? Did you actually --"
Cabin #10: a roller-blind zings open in another bathroom window
(directly opposite, just across a narrow driveway). Inside,
Augie has set up a darkroom with blankets and strings, a red
lamp and enlarger, etc. He looks out, wiggling and fanning a
damp print. Midge pauses and sees him.
MIDGE
Memorizing my lines.
AUGIE
Uh-huh.
Augie reverses the photograph to show: "Midge Campbell Eating a
Waffle." Beautifully lit, perfectly natural, wildly flattering.
Pause.
MIDGE
Approved.
Augie turns away to hang the print (next to his photo of the
atomic explosion) to dry with clothespins. Midge sits down
inside her window. Augie sits down inside his.
MIDGE
I do a nude scene. Want to see it?
Silence. Augie suddenly flickers alert:
AUGIE
Did I say, "Yes?"
MIDGE
You didn't say anything.
AUGIE
I meant, "Yes." My mouth didn't speak.
41.
MIDGE
It's a monologue. It starts when I turn
off the shower.
Midge stands up. She walks into the bathroom, turns on the
shower, takes off her clothes, steps into the bathtub, closes
the curtain, and stands under the running water for five
seconds. She turns off the shower. She steps back out. She wraps
herself in a towel. Backlit in the bathroom doorway, she
recites:
MIDGE
"When you first picked me out of the
secretarial pool, I had a hundred and
eleven dollars in my bank account. I
lived alone with a cat and a parakeet in
a one-room dishwater flat. I sold the
DeSoto to lend you the down-payment for
my engagement ring. It was spring... I'm
not sore: I know you're a good man. I'm
not sorry: I never deceived you. Remember
me as a blur in the rearview mirror. Was
I ever there? Did you actually see me? I
can't even see myself anymore -- but here
I am.
Midge unwraps her towel, dangles it slowly, then lets it slip to
the floor. She stares at Augie. Augie stares back, serenely
frozen. Midge says, hopeful/resigned/determined:
MIDGE
Let's get divorced."
Silence. Midge says eventually:
MIDGE
It'll be done tastefully, of course. We
cut to the back of my legs when the towel
falls down.
AUGIE
(pause)
Sometimes they do a stunt-double.
MIDGE
(undecided)
Sometimes. I don't know if I like beards,
by the way.
Augie nods. He puts his pipe into his mouth and lights it. Midge
flips two switches on the wall: turning off the overhead
bathroom light and turning on a pair of dressing-table mirror-
tubes, which illuminate her softly in blue-ish. She reaches for
42.
a peignoir -- but Augie interrupts (reacting to the entire
vignette):
AUGIE
Oh. Can I take another picture? Not for
publication.
MIDGE
(long pause)
I thought you never ask permission.
Augie shrugs. Midge holds still (for a very long exposure) as
Augie snaps the photograph. Midge puts on her dressing gown and
returns to her window-seat. She confides to Augie:
MIDGE
I prefer to play abused, tragic
alcoholics, and one day I'll probably be
discovered lifeless in an overflowing
bathtub with an empty bottle of sleeping
pills spilled all over the floor -- but
the sad thing is: I'm actually a very
gifted comedienne.
AUGIE
(genuinely)
That's true.
MIDGE
Are you married?
AUGIE
I'm a widower -- but don't tell my kids.
MIDGE
Why not? I mean: I wasn't going to. I'm
sorry.
AUGIE
Thank you. They do know, by the way --
but just barely.
EXT. MOTEL CABIN #10. EVENING
In an alley behind the cabin: Andromeda, Pandora, and Cassiopeia
crouch on their knees as they dig a small hole in the ground
with a fork, a spoon, and a popsicle stick. The Tupperware salad
bowl waits beside them. In the background: a mint-green Cadillac
Eldorado convertible curls from the highway, rolls into the
driveway, and stops. Pandora commands her sisters:
PANDORA
Put the potion in it.
43.
Stanley (in golfing attire, as before) gets out of the car and
slowly approaches as: Andromeda produces the previously-prepared
ashtray of salt, pepper, and mustard; Pandora decants the
remaining drops of a jar of vinegar into the mixture; and
Cassiopeia stirs it all together, then scoops out bits at a time
with the popsicle stick, shoveling the potion down the hole in
the ground as she invents/recites:
CASSIOPEIA
Friskity, triskity, briskity, boo;
knickerty, knockerty, tockerty, too! And
with this spell: Mama comes back --
alive!
The girls wait for a moment while nothing happens. Stanley
pauses just behind them. Andromeda pronounces:
ANDROMEDA
God save these bones.
The girls place the bowl into the hole, throw dead flowers on
top, and begin to spoon/fork dirt in after. Stanley says
finally:
STANLEY
What's in the Tupperware?
The girls look up at their grandfather, startled, and stare.
Stanley studies the expressions on their faces; then says,
slightly heartbroken:
STANLEY
He finally told you.
The girls turn back to the gravesite. Stanley comes closer and
kisses the girls on the tops of their heads, one by one. Pandora
murmurs as he does this:
PANDORA
Who's this old man?
CASSIOPEIA
Poppy, I think.
STANLEY
(deeply offended)
You don't remember me?
ANDROMEDA
I remember his smell.
Stanley frowns. He sniffs at his hands and arms. He makes an
official decision:
44.
STANLEY
We're not going to abandon my daughter at
a motel in the middle of the desert
buried next to the communal showers.
Stanley kneels down, removes the flowers, and begins to
carefully dig up the bowl. The girls, at first frozen in shock,
quickly go into a frenzied panic, squealing and shrieking:
CASSIOPEIA PANDORA
You're ruining the funeral! He's making her go to hell!
Andromeda strikes a threatening pose and clarifies the
situation, seething:
ANDROMEDA
If you torture us, we'll sacrifice you.
Stanley pauses as he is about to pull the bowl up from the dirt.
He sighs.
STANLEY
I understand. Thank you for your --
clarity. I'll tell you what: we'll leave
her alone in the ground until tomorrow
morning. Then we'll exhume the
Tupperware, bring her with us in the
Cadillac, and bury her again this weekend
in the backyard next to the seventh hole
at Rancho Palms where I live in a
beautiful house with a swimming pool.
Agreed?
The girls whimper and nod. Stanley re-buries the salad bowl.
STANLEY
Let's hope a coyote doesn't dig her up in
the meantime. Nothing we can do about it,
anyway. Look at that.
Stanley points as a fireworks display, modest but exciting,
commences in the desert just beyond the motel grounds. Stanley
and the three girls watch, bereft and dazzled.
EXT. MOTEL OFFICE. EVENING
As the fireworks continue to pop: Montana retrieves a toothbrush
from the toiletries vending machine, then pauses to study
another machine which advertises "Deeds." He asks the motel
manager, curious/suspicious:
MONTANA
What do you swap for out a'this
pertickler jukebox, mister?
45.
MOTEL MANAGER
Of course, I understand. This machine:
sells land.
MONTANA
Land, you say?
MOTEL MANAGER
Yes, indeed. The properties just beyond
these cottages, in fact.
The motel manager motions toward a desolate, cactus-studded flat
in the near distance. Montana asks, dubious:
MONTANA
Out a' this here soder-pop machine?
MOTEL MANAGER
Yes, indeed.
MONTANA
Well, now, I ain't callin' you a liar to
your face, but that sounds to me like
some kind a' toadswindle.
MOTEL MANAGER
(slightly defensive)
Of course, I understand. It's not a
toadswindle. You put in the money: you
receive a notarized deed to the land.
MONTANA
(skeptical)
How big a spread?
MOTEL MANAGER
For $10 in quarters: approximately half a
tennis court.
EXT. METEOR CRATER. NIGHT
The congregation has re-assembled, this time seated on picnic
blankets. They sip and crunch a midnight snack of root beer and
peanuts. Dr. Hickenlooper stands at the lectern (flanked by her
assistant on one side of the dais and General Gibson on the
other), uplit by a reading lamp. She begins enthusiastically
over the P.A. speaker:
DR. HICKENLOOPER
Tonight you're in for a real treat. I
don't know how many of you ever observed
an Astronomical Ellipses before. Can we
get a show-of-hands?
46.
Only Dr. Hickenlooper herself raises her hand. She looks
surprised.
DR. HICKENLOOPER
Nobody! Wow. OK, well, what you're going
to see is a very simple, "dot, dot, dot":
three pin-points of light inside your
refracting-box, which may not sound very
exciting, at first -- until you consider
how those dots managed to transmit
themselves across a thousand billion
miles of space onto that little scrap of
black cardboard. Twice every fifty-seven
years, when the earth, the sun, the moon,
and the galactic plane of the Milky Way
all combobulate along the same angle of
orbital interest, the radiant energy of
three neighboring stellar systems induces
a parallel ecliptic transit; thus, all
but proving the hypothesis of Celestial
Flirtation. The hitch, of course, is that
the math doesn't work! But maybe one of
you, one day, will be the genius who
solves that problem.
(checking her watch)
The event will begin in thirty seconds.
Dr. Hickenlooper turns off the reading lamp. The young people
and most of the adults stand up eagerly and begin to fit home-
made, cardboard box and wax-paper viewing devices over their
heads. The military personnel use similar but industrial-
manufactured, weapons-grade versions of the apparatus (nylon and
stainless-steel fittings; calibrated dials and gauges).
Andromeda, Cassiopeia, and Pandora use shoeboxes. Stanley sits
next to them with his own normal-sized box/device.
DR. HICKENLOOPER
Remember: if you look directly at the
ellipses rather than through your
refracting-box, not only will you not
actually see the effect -- but you'll
burn the dots straight into your retina,
probably permanently. I know that for a
fact, because they're still burned into
mine from when I was eleven-going-on-
twelve. That's when I realized I wanted
to be an astronomer, which is another
story.
(urgently)
Here we go!
Dr. Hickenlooper puts on her own viewing device.
CUT TO:
47.
Woodrow's face inside his box. He squints. Through a tinfoil
sieve on top: a beam of amber light shines neatly, diagonally,
onto a black construction-paper rectangle masking-taped to the
cardboard directly in front of his eyes. A small, red dot
appears -- followed by a white one, then a blue -- along a
perfectly-spaced, horizontal line. Woodrow says, pleased:
WOODROW
There it is.
All around the crater: "ooh's" and "ahh's" among the children,
parents, and military personnel. Enchanted laughter and dazzled
whispering. The breeze blows. An owl hoots. Crickets chirp.
Bells ring at the railroad crossing as another freight train
locomotes in the dark. Dr. Hickenlooper provides a bit of
commentary, speaking into the microphone from inside her box at
a whisper:
DR. HICKENLOOPER
These are just marvelously luminous
colors, aren't they? Very exciting! Who
doesn't see it?
FRECKLED BOY
(airily)
I don't! I just see a staple.
Dr. Hickenlooper lifts her viewing device and looks to the
freckled boy. She studies him briefly as he looks up at her with
the box on his head. She twists the box 180 degrees backwards.
The freckled boy stiffens and yelps:
FRECKLED BOY
Yipe! It works.
Dr. Hickenlooper puts her box back on. On another/nearby picnic
blanket: Midge tilts the box off her head and looks at Shelly
(under her own box with her movie magazine tucked under her
arm). She asks bluntly:
MIDGE
Are you Shelly?
SHELLY
(startled)
Huh? Yeah!
MIDGE
I'm your idol. What's your rank?
Shelly tilts back her box. She says, transfixed:
SHELLY
Commanding-secretary.
48.
Shelly points to a patch on her uniform. Midge takes the
magazine out of Shelly's hand and flips pages.
MIDGE
I was a Cookie Trooper, myself.
Midge finds a staged photo of herself (in a kitchen, wearing an
apron, frying eggs) and autographs it. She hands back the
magazine. Shelly says, awed:
SHELLY
Really? Wow! What'll they say in Squad
75?
Suddenly: the radio telescopes spinning above the crater all
rotate in unison to face in a single, fixed direction. Dead
silence.
CUT TO:
Woodrow's black construction-paper rectangle again. A fourth dot
(green, unexpected) appears in position immediately to the right
of the original three. Woodrow frowns.
WOODROW
Hm?
Woodrow tilts the box off his head and looks up.
Woodrow's mouth opens. His eyes widen. He holds his breath and
stares, frozen. A faint, green glow begins to irradiate his
face, slowly increasing in luminosity.
Dr. Hickenlooper, her assistant, General Gibson, the aide-de-
camp, Augie, Midge, and the other gathered people begin to
remove their own viewing devices and watch the sky -- agog.
From above: a green-and-neon hexagonal spacecraft exactly the
diameter of the crater silently descends and hovers at an
altitude of fifty feet. It twists and bounces slightly,
creaking. After a moment, a fan or motor of some kind engages,
whirs briefly, then shuts off again.
The group of statues below watches, stunned.
A round hatch on the underside of the spacecraft irises open. A
metallic pole jolts out with a clank, extends downwards three
feet, and stops. A ladder-rung folds out, buzzing, at the bottom
of the pole and locks into position.
Among the watching group: hyperventilation, difficulty
swallowing, a few tears. General Gibson's hand instinctively
moves to the sidearm holster on his belt. He snaps off the
safety.
49.
From the hatch again: a foot (size approximately 20-AAA,
red/orange, nine-toed) pokes down and cautiously tests the
ladder-rung. Then: a second foot; followed by (as the pole
slowly and silently extends a few feet further downward before
pausing again) two extremely long, double-jointed legs; a brief,
carapaced torso; spindly arms; protracted, scraggly fingers; and
a pleasant, red/orange, tiny-mouthed face with large and
immediately lively (even anxious) eyes.
The alien looks down at the group from its perch, hesitant.
(Roger and J.J. exchange a look: "See?"/"Yes.") The alien twists
a handle-grip, and the pole descends like an elevator (at first,
gingerly; then quickly). When it finally stops: the end of the
pole (and the alien) sways gently one foot above the ground near
the center of the crater. With a little plickity-plack, a small
tripod unfolds at the end of the pole, touching its three ends
onto the hard-packed dirt.
The alien looks to the group -- as if awaiting permission. It
steps onto the earth. Pause. It crouches and leans, reaching
toward the rebar cage. Pause. It lifts off the cage like a cake-
dome (weightless), sets it aside, and places its hands on the
sides of the meteorite. Pause. It picks up the rock and looks
all around for any objection.
Augie slowly raises his camera to his eyes. He corrects exposure
and focus. The alien looks to him, adjusts its pose, and waits.
Augie snaps "the picture." He lowers his camera, eyes locked
with the alien, and winds the film. Woodrow looks to his father,
impressed.
The alien makes a quiet sound as if clearing its throat. It
tucks the meteorite under its arm and steps back onto the ladder-
rung. The pole rapidly ascends/retracts all the way up and into
the spacecraft. The hatch spirals shut. The green-and-neon
lights flicker to a new configuration. The vessel rises straight
up a thousand feet, twists one rotation in place, then cruises
away at an angle high above and across the moonlit desert before
vanishing into space.
Silence. Augie, at a loss, finally states the obvious:
AUGIE
The alien stole the asteroid.
No one moves.
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO. EVENING
Black and white.
The host resumes his narration, spotlit in the dark, as the
lights slowly come up on a new set: a writer's study in a
shingled beach house. It contains a typewriter stand; a braided
50.
rug; a pine table; wicker chairs; neatly over-stuffed bookcases;
faintly homoerotic paintings of horses, steers, cowboys, ranch
hands; and a whirring electric fan. Tall reeds shiver in the
window before a painted theatrical background of dunes and surf
at dusk. Sounds of rolling waves and seagulls.
HOST
The character of Augie Steenbeck in the
imaginary tale of our production was to
become famously and indelibly connected
to the actor who "created" the role -- a
former carpenter discovered in a bit part
by the play's director, Schubert Green.
The playwright, perspiring in his Western costume, finishes
clacking away at a letter and zips it out of his machine just as
a middle-aged secretary enters with a rack of buttered toast on
a tray.
PLAYWRIGHT
I've finished my correspondence,
Analisse. Please, bring me my cocktail
and my pill.
SECRETARY
(correction)
Remember, the gentleman --
PLAYWRIGHT
(horrified)
Oh, no.
SECRETARY
-- referred by Mr. Green. Has arrived --
PLAYWRIGHT
(determined)
Send him away. Put him up at the Salty
Skipper (or the Lighthouse Inn) and tell
him to come back in the morning --
(important:)
-- but not before eleven.
The secretary sighs. She exits, and the actor who plays Augie
almost immediately enters the room. He wears a soldier's khaki
uniform -- but in a stylish/relaxed fashion (contrary to
regulation): cap at a tilt, necktie loose, sleeves rolled up,
sweat under the armpits. The host explains:
HOST
The occasion of the first meeting between
playwright and player is now (in our
fanciful telling) a matter of theatrical
lore and legend. Setting: late autumn,
(more)
51.
HOST (cont'd)
late afternoon, a seaside village outside
the grand metropolis.
The host exits. The playwright finally notices the actor in his
study and says, startled:
PLAYWRIGHT
Oh, no, again. I beg your pardon. I'm
sorry: did Miss Watson not inform you?
I'm indisposed.
ACTOR/AUGIE
I know, but the ice cream would've
melted.
The actor plants a large, oblong mass -- paper-wrapped, twine-
bound, frayed and tattered -- onto the table with a thump. He
draws a slightly frightening lock-blade hunting knife from an
ankle strap and begins to hack and chop at the package. The
playwright retreats a step, concerned.
PLAYWRIGHT
What's this?
ACTOR/AUGIE
(hacking/chopping)
I think it's the one you like. Gooseberry
Wriggle from the Frosty Spoon on East
Rotterdam. I wrapped it in sawdust,
newspaper, and peanut shells.
From beneath the layers of thermal insulation: a carton of ice
cream begins to emerge. The playwright quickly recognizes a
gooseberry-motif on the lid. He is simultaneously deeply
touched, mildly suspicious, and uncomfortable. He says,
tentatively playful:
PLAYWRIGHT
You shouldn't waste your spending money
on an old fool like me.
ACTOR/AUGIE
(shrugs)
They gave me ten dollars bus fare, so I
bought us a half-bucket, hitch-hiked, and
pocketed the change.
The actor flips the sizable blade shut, then (from a trouser
pocket) unfolds a collapsible camping spoon. He lifts the
carton's lid and plugs the spoon into the cream-and-purple
substance. He holds out a bite to the playwright's mouth. The
playwright hesitates, then leans forward and eats the spoonful
of ice cream like a child. Clearly, it has survived the journey
intact:
52.
PLAYWRIGHT
Cool and delicious.
The actor and the playwright trade the spoon back and forth, two
strangers eating together in silence. The playwright says
eventually, politely:
PLAYWRIGHT
How long have you been in the service?
ACTOR/AUGIE
(frowns)
The service. What service? I don't know
what you're talking about.
PLAYWRIGHT
(stiffening)
Well, unless I've been deliberately
misinformed, I believe those stripes
indicate the status of a Ranking
Corporal, 2nd class.
ACTOR/AUGIE
Oh. No.
(giggles)
I'm G.I. #3 in "Bugle Boy Blows the
Blues." Was, anyway. We closed tonight.
PLAYWRIGHT
(intrigued)
I see. Property of the wardrobe
department.
ACTOR/AUGIE
(pause)
Not anymore.
The actor declines the return of the spoon and begins to wander
around the edges of the room, studying book titles and old
snapshots as the playwright continues to eat.
PLAYWRIGHT
How was it, by the way?
ACTOR/AUGIE
(distracted)
The play? It stunk. You mind if I crack
open a window?
PLAYWRIGHT
Not at all. It's sweltering, isn't it?
The actor struggles briefly at the window, pressing and jabbing
the rickety, wooden sash. The playwright watches him, doubtful.
53.
PLAYWRIGHT
Even the daisies and buttercups are
drooping in the --
(suddenly)
That window sticks a bit.
The actor smashes his fist through a pane, flips a latch, then
(now easily) slides the window open. He looks to the playwright;
both laugh out loud. Pause. The actor asks, pointed but gentle:
ACTOR/AUGIE
Why does Augie burn his hand on the
Quicky-Griddle?
PLAYWRIGHT
(long pause)
Well, I don't even know, myself, to tell
you the truth. I hadn't planned it that
way -- he just sort of did it while I was
typing. Is it too extraordinary?
ACTOR/AUGIE
(short pause)
I guess the way I read it: he was looking
for an excuse why his heart was beating
so fast.
PLAYWRIGHT
(enchanted)
Oh. What an interesting sentiment. I love
that idea. Maybe he should say it? It's a
very good line.
The actor shrugs. He shakes his head. The playwright agrees:
PLAYWRIGHT
I suppose not. Not necessary.
The playwright watches as: the actor takes down one of the
playwright's freshly pressed shirts from a laundry box on a
shelf; pulls out the packing-tissue and begins to stuff it under
his shirt (padding for a fake belly); peels off a fake moustache
and sticks it into one pocket; replaces it with a fake beard
tugged out of another; rubs typewriter ink into his eyebrows;
exits into a small closet and closes the door -- then reemerges
with the familiar Swiss camera looped around his neck. He now
speaks in Augie's quiet, regional/city accent:
ACTOR/AUGIE
"It's a fact: we're not alone. The alien
stole the asteroid. `Long-thought to be a
lunar splinter fragmented from the lesser
moon of the hypothetical planet Magnavox-
27; now considered a rogue pygmy
(more)
54.
ACTOR/AUGIE (cont'd)
cometette.' (According to the
encyclopedia.) Obviously, she would've
said something to him. I'm certain of it.
Your mother, I mean. She would've gotten
him to tell us the secrets of the
universe or yelled at him or made him
laugh. She would've had a hypothesis. You
remind me of her more than ever. She
wasn't shy. You'll grow out of that. (I
think your sisters might be aliens, too,
by the way.) When I met your mother she
was only nineteen. She was smoking a
cigarette/reading a paperback/taking a
bath in a swimsuit on a rusty fire escape
a flight and a half below my camera
position. Sometimes I sometimes --
(searching)
I sometimes -- I sometimes still think I
still hear her -- here --
(with a finger to his ear)
-- breathing -- in the dark.
The actor looks up at the ceiling. Long pause. When he finally
looks back down, his eyes are red, his face is tear-streaked,
his voice cracks:
ACTOR/AUGIE
Who knows, Woodrow? Maybe she is in the
stars."
The actor sits down in one of the wicker chairs. He folds his
hands in his lap -- then looks suddenly to the playwright,
breaking the spell. The playwright stares. He says slowly:
PLAYWRIGHT
Normally, I'd offer my advice and
suggestions, but your interpretation is
so perceptive and precise -- anything you
do is bound to be dramatically true.
You're perfect. I don't think there's
anything else to say.
Silence. The actor takes off his shirt, then his trousers and
socks. The lights dim except in the window. The host re-enters
frame:
HOST
Often, it is the unexpected human
connections which lead to the surprises
of artistic discovery.
The beach house rotates away on a turntable to reveal another
new set:
55.
INT. SLEEPING COMPARTMENT
A sleeping compartment (with sitting room and bed already made
up) on an overnight passenger train. The actress who plays
Midge, dressed in a silvery skirt suit and matching hat,
surrounded by small suitcases, hand baggage, folded fur coat,
sits with her legs tucked under her as a porter serves a bottle
of beer with a chilled glass. Outside: the train accelerates
through a cavernous metropolitan station (as rendered by a
painted theatrical backdrop winding by on rollers). A
stationmaster blowing a whistle slides by; followed by the head
of a young man, twenty-two, clean cut, sprinting on the platform
alongside the sleeping car. (He is the actor who plays Woodrow.)
He hops a bit, trying to peek into the window, then speeds
ahead, out of view. An instant later, we clear the station and
enter the darkness of the tunnel that will deliver the train out
of the city.
HOST
Players of the stage, a tribe of
troubadours and non-conformists; they
lead unconventional, sometimes dangerous,
lives which nourish and elevate their
artistic aspirations -- and illuminate
the human condition. Next: ten weeks
later, the eve of "Asteroid City's" first
public preview, a drawing room onboard
the Apache Plainsliner bound for the
California coast.
The porter exits. The actress lights a cigarette and opens the
pages of a fashion magazine. A knock on the door. The actress
looks up, frowning, and waits.
ACTRESS/MIDGE
It's open.
The door swings to the wall with a clack. The sprinting young
man lunges into the compartment, gasping and panting, and bangs
the door shut behind him. He is dressed Ivy League, winter. He
says immediately, without catching his breath:
YOUNG MAN/WOODROW
Schubert says you got to come back.
The actress stares at the young man evenly. Pause.
ACTRESS/MIDGE
If I'm so important, why isn't he here
himself?
The young man shrugs, still gasping, and makes an educated
guess:
56.
YOUNG MAN/WOODROW
Probably too busy. Too busy to go chasing
after you. They sent me. You know who I
am?
ACTRESS/MIDGE
I think so. Understudy.
YOUNG MAN/WOODROW
Understudy. That's right. Let me just --
The young man digs into his pockets, producing various scraps of
paper, ticket stubs, dollar bills, bits of lint, some of which
fall onto the floor. He isolates two specific tiny, folded,
creased, damp, tattered documents. He displays one in each hand.
YOUNG MAN/WOODROW
He said if you're crying, I read you this
one.
(swapping pages)
That's not it. Here it is.
(swapping again)
If you're hopping mad, I read you this
one.
Silence. The actress says, stony:
ACTRESS/MIDGE
Give me both.
The young man shakes his head, frazzled, and attempts to clarify
the options:
YOUNG MAN/WOODROW
Not what he said. He said if you're --
ACTRESS/MIDGE
Give me both.
The young man hands the actress both documents, two hands to two
hands. She reads out loud from the first one:
ACTRESS/MIDGE
"Tell her she's a stuck up, low-class
snob -- but she's got no good reason to
be. If she sasses you, sass her back.
Tell her she's a borderline neurotic with
an Achilles Heel complex."
The actress looks at the young man. He nods, confirming the
message, and jams his hands into his pockets, shifting from foot
to foot. The actress places the document face up on the table
and moves on to the second one:
57.
ACTRESS/MIDGE
"Tell her she relies on her beauty like a
wobbly crutch. It's her deepest weakness.
Tell her she's got the potential for
genuine greatness -- but I say with
absolute certainty: she will never
achieve it."
The actress places the second document down next to the first.
She looks to the young man again.
ACTRESS/MIDGE
Anything else?
The young man, nodding again, slightly less winded now, reaches
inside his coat and withdraws a sealed envelope.
YOUNG MAN/WOODROW
Uh-huh. He said if you're cool and
collected (which I think is what I think
you seem to be), then that means you
probably really don't want to come back,
and I got to give you this.
The young man holds out the envelope. The actress, cool and
collected, does not move.
ACTRESS/MIDGE
Read it.
YOUNG MAN/WOODROW
(shaking his head again)
Not what he said. He said this one's
private. Just the two of you. He said --
The young man swallows and gives up. He opens the envelope and
reads, start to finish:
YOUNG MAN/WOODROW
"Dear Kim, I'm sorry I shouted and called
you a spoiled bitch and a minor talent
(and broke your glasses and threw them
out the window). Given that I have always
considered you to be the most
consummately gifted living actress and a
person of great intelligence and
character, these statements (and actions)
do not accurately reflect my true
feelings. Yes, I may be a `manipulative
snake', as you once characterized me
behind my back (you see, I do have my
sources) -- but I love you like a sister,
other than that one time in the bathroom
the day we met which has never been
(more)
58.
YOUNG MAN/WOODROW (cont'd)
repeated, as we both know. I never meant
to hurt you or insult you or offend you
in any way -- only to try with the few
tools I have at my disposal to do my job
which is: to make it work. Forgive me. We
open tomorrow night, with or without you.
Without: our entire devoted company will
suffer complete disaster and tragic
calamity -- as will a brilliant, fragile
genius named Conrad Earp. With: you will
enjoy the triumph of your career, which
does not matter in the least. All that
matters is: every second of life on stage
-- and our friendship. Your servant, your
director, and (if I may) your devoted
mentor. -- Schubert Green."
The sound of the train changes suddenly (loud to soft) as it
exits the tunnel. A new winding/painted backdrop reveals the
city, now distant, at dusk. Snowflakes flurry and telephone
poles whisk by. The actress unpins her hat, removes it, and
loosens her hair. She looks the young man up and down, head to
toe. Silence.
ACTRESS/MIDGE
What's your name, understudy?
The young man stares, dumb. The host re-enters the frame and
looks from young man to actress to camera. He raises an eyebrow.
HOST
They continued through the night as far
as Ohio, then disembarked and caught the
return flight arriving two hours prior to
curtain. (The talented understudy
immediately replaced the original
"Woodrow.")
Scene to black. The host remains lit. He continues:
HOST
Schubert Green, born Shylock
Grzworvszowski.
INT. THEATRE PROSCENIUM
Behind the host, the lights come up on the theatre proscenium
set -- turned around to face the audience, with painted backdrop
depicting the empty house: seats, boxes, balconies. A wiry,
intense, shirtless man works onstage repainting a backdrop. He
is the director.
59.
HOST
Actor, immigrant, former student of the
great theatrical guru Saltzburg Keitel.
The director wanders into the wings: adjusting a lamp; resewing
the trim of a costume; briefly touching-up a young actor's old-
age make-up.
HOST
Known for his limitless energy, his
voracious enthusiasms (a well-known
actress described him, sexually, as: "an
animal -- specifically a rabbit"), and
his long, deep, and intimate relationship
with success.
The director arrives at a makeshift bedroom installation -- fake
walls, folding bunk, sink basin, toaster and hot plate -- in a
deep backstage corner behind crates, carts, and flats (all
labeled: Property of "Asteroid City Scenic Department" and
vaguely recognizable as the luncheonette). In the background, a
hulking stagehand finishes stapling lace curtains along the
sides of a fake window. They both survey the space.
DIRECTOR
What do you think, Lunky?
STAGEHAND
(deepest basso)
Good.
The director begins to shadow-box in the corner. Off-screen: an
annoyed/perplexed woman's voice says:
POLLY (O.S.)
I'm not going to ask what the hell's
going on here.
In the fake doorway: a woman in a raincoat. Black hair with
bangs, bright red lipstick, late thirties. She is Polly.
HOST
His wife, Polly, left him for an All Star
second baseman during the first week of
rehearsals.
The stagehand stares, uneasy. The director milks it:
DIRECTOR
My living quarters.
Polly moves slowly into the room, eye-balling the stagehand as
he sheepishly evaporates. She reaches into her pocket and
withdraws a legal-sized envelope:
60.
POLLY
Sign this.
The director stiffens. He takes the envelope. He opens it and
studies a document. He says, overwhelmingly relieved:
DIRECTOR
It's Clark's report card.
Polly, rearranging the decor slightly (swapping a vase, shifting
a chair), responds, distracted:
POLLY
Uh-huh. What'd you think it was?
DIRECTOR
I thought maybe we were already divorced.
POLLY
Oh. Not yet -- but eventually.
The director signs the document, slips it back into the
envelope, and returns it.
DIRECTOR
He made the honor roll again.
Polly nods. She looks to the director with her knuckles on her
hips.
POLLY
I'm staying at Diego's penthouse; Clark's
at my mother's; the apartment's empty.
Why don't you just go home?
DIRECTOR
(simply)
I don't think I should be alone in a
building with real windows.
The director looks out through the fake window. (Outside: more
crates.) He continues:
DIRECTOR
Props makes my lunches and dinners. Make-
up cuts my hair and shaves me. Costumes
washes my dungarees. This is where I
belong. For now.
The director reaches into a box on the table and brings out a
model of the stage-version of the hexagonal spacecraft. He flips
it over, studying the design. Polly examines it over his
shoulder.
61.
POLLY
Much better. Did you do the green?
The director grunts. He presses a button on the model. It
illuminates, dazzling. Polly looks pleased. She says gently:
POLLY
It's been a great ten years, Schubert. I
don't regret a second of it. Clark still
loves you. I still love you.
DIRECTOR
(pause)
But not like before.
POLLY
(pause)
But not like before.
Polly kisses the director softly on the lips and exits directly
through the fake doorway. The director starts doing chin-ups
from a costume rack as the host re-enters the frame:
HOST
Schubert Green lived in the scenic bay of
the Tarkington Theatre for all 785
performances of "Asteroid City." Dark
nights, he stayed in the Governor's Suite
of the Nebraska Hotel.
Polly pokes her head back in. The director freezes mid-chin-up.
POLLY
One last note: when Midge makes her exit
in Act 3, Scene V -- try having her say
the line after she closes the door.
The director pictures this. He nods. He says wisely:
DIRECTOR
I will.
Polly smiles. She exits again and closes the fake door. The
director stands and waits. Through the fake door, Polly says:
POLLY
Goodbye.
The director laughs/cries. Polly's diminishing footsteps echo on
the cement floor. Lights to black.
EXT. HIGHWAY. DAY
Widescreen/color.
62.
A reinforced military barricade encircles and isolates the
entire town. Signs on roadblocks read:
Strict Quarantine!
Do Not Enter (or Exit)
by order of
the United States Military-science
Research and Experimentation Division
Armed guards occupy security-posts on low scaffoldings at
frequent intervals along the perimeter. A fleet of parked jeeps
and troop transports provide additional fortification. Civilian
vehicles in a queue on the highway wait to U-turn, one by one,
as soldiers direct them to alternate routes.
INT. OBSERVATORY. DAY
The classroom. The school desks now seat military officers,
technicians, and scientific advisors (including the business
executive). Soldiers stand in the corners with rifles
shouldered/sidearms holstered. A door opens. General Gibson
strides into the room followed by his aide-de-camp (handcuffed
to a metallic briefcase). He sits at the table in front and
studies his audience.
(NOTE: throughout this and subsequent scenes, a slightly
stunned/dazzled quality of uncertainty and disbelief informs the
speech, deportment, and expression of the entire cast.)
GENERAL GIBSON
I've just informed the president. He
authorized me to read and implement the
provisions of National Security Emergency
Scrimmage Plan X. Here I go.
The aide-de-camp snaps open the briefcase and passes a nylon
pouch to General Gibson. The general opens it and removes a
laminated envelope with a plastic seal. He reads a message on
the cover:
GENERAL GIBSON
"The following Top Secret directive was
mandated into law on July first, 1950."
General Gibson cracks open the seal and withdraws a thin stack
of multicolored card-stock pages. He begins:
GENERAL GIBSON
"In the event of unforeseen engagement
with intelligent life-form or -forms from
any planet not specifically defined as
our `earth', be advised to initiate the
following protocols:
(flipping to next card)
(more)
63.
GENERAL GIBSON (cont'd)
One. Confirm said life-form is not
operating under the guidance of any
hostile foreign terrestrial government."
(pause)
Well, I don't think he's working for the
Russians (or the Red Chinese) -- but you
never know.
AIDE-DE-CAMP
He certainly didn't give me that
impression.
GENERAL GIBSON
(flipping to next card)
"Two. Confirm the life-form does not
intend to annex, colonize, vaporize, or
expropriate the resources of the
sovereign territories of the United
States of America."
AIDE-DE-CAMP
I doubt it. He took the asteroid and
went.
GENERAL GIBSON
(flipping to next card)
"Three. Identify and detain all possible
witnesses and place them under group
arrest for a period of no less than one
week (defined as seven calendar days),
during which time they be subjected to a
prescribed battery of medical and
psychological examinations and cross-
examinations."
AIDE-DE-CAMP
Standard procedure. Already in the works.
GENERAL GIBSON
(flipping to next card)
"Four. Secure the site; cease the
dissemination of information; collect and
transport the totality of evidence to a
hermetically-enclosed/deep-underground
secret storage facility; and publicly
deny all aspects of the event including
its existence for a period of no less
than 100 years (defined as 36,500 days)."
End of directive.
GENERAL GIBSON AIDE-DE-CAMP
(unsurprised) (also unsurprised)
That's pretty clear. Ha.
64.
General Gibson passes the stack of cards to the aide-de-camp. He
immediately begins running them through a hand-cranked paper
shredder. The business executive raises a question:
EXECUTIVE
What do we tell them?
GENERAL GIBSON
Who?
EXECUTIVE
The Junior Stargazers. The Space Cadets.
The moms and dads.
AIDE-DE-CAMP
(cheerily)
Midge Campbell.
A murmur among the soldiers. Whispers and tittering. General
Gibson thinks. He suggests:
GENERAL GIBSON
Tell them -- it didn't happen?
Silence. Sudden laughter. General Gibson raises an eyebrow, then
says gravely:
GENERAL GIBSON
No, obviously, we'll need to formulate a
suitable cover story.
INT. LUNCHEONETTE. DAY
The café has been converted into a temporary triage/evaluation
unit with dividing screens and curtains on racks and rails. The
rivet trailer is parked in front, linked to the front door by a
transparent plastic corridor (which ripples in the breeze).
Guards outside, scientists inside.
"Station #1: Medical": J.J. and Clifford lie on adjacent
gurneys, restrained, wired, and intubated to a bank of
beeping/blinking devices registering pulse rate, body
temperature, blood oxygen, radiation levels, brainwave patterns,
etc. A technician in a lab coat makes a notation on a clipboard
and exits. Clifford points to a button on a gadget overtly
warning-labeled "DO NOT PRESS" and asks slyly:
CLIFFORD
You dare me? To press that button.
J.J. CLIFFORD
No. It's an experiment.
65.
J.J.
(seething)
I'll break your neck.
"Station #2: Psychological": Sandy and Shelly sit side by side
at a table facing another technician in a lab coat. The
technician displays inkblots and records Shelly's responses in a
ledger:
SHELLY
That's an alien doing jumping jacks.
That's an alien in a top hat. That's an
alien climbing a ladder. That's an alien
on a racehorse.
"Station #3: Debriefing": black felt tenting encloses an
interrogation booth where Ricky sits in a metal chair under a
hot lamp. Two military detectives pace and circle around him.
Roger sits silent in the corner, frowning.
DETECTIVE #1
Let's take it from the top.
RICKY
(frustrated)
I told you fifty times. The alien picked
up the asteroid --
DETECTIVE #2
(correction)
Alleged alien.
RICKY
(exploding)
I know what I saw!
DETECTIVE #1 RICKY
It's called a meteorite. An extraterrestrial being.
DETECTIVE #2
(holding up a tiny canister)
This is a microfiche of your school
newspaper. Your byline accompanies an
article criticizing the principal's
disciplinary methods. Who were your
sources?
RICKY
(steely)
I was in the sixth grade --
DETECTIVE #2
(angry)
Just answer the question!
66.
RICKY
(enraged)
-- and I will not name names!
The driver/bodyguard, in his corner working on another crossword
puzzle, looks up briefly. He takes a bite of a grilled cheese
sandwich and resumes his puzzling.
INT. SILO. DAY
A scaffold perch at the top of a metallic staircase. Woodrow
stares through a massive telescope out the open bay of the
silver dome. He looks up from the eyepiece and squints at the
sky, intense and determined. He adjusts focus. On a platform one
flight below: Dinah stands next to Dr. Hickenlooper in front of
a large model of the meteor crater. She asks:
DINAH
Which way did he go?
Dr. Hickenlooper indicates with a pencil: a low position
immediately over the crater; straight up above as high as she
can reach; diagonally across the cylindrical room; out the
porthole window.
DR. HICKENLOOPER
He went from here. To here. To here.
(quietly/entranced)
To I don't know where.
Woodrow refers to an enormous astronomical map wallpapering all
around the interior of the tower as he recalls loudly:
WOODROW
My mother couldn't remember which was
which, so she made up her own
constellations.
(pointing)
That one's "The Coat Hanger." That one's
"The Leaky Faucet." Over there's "Fried
Egg with Spatula."
DINAH
(pensive)
My mother is a constellation. At least,
part of one. A Swiss scientist named a
hypothetical star after her.
DR. HICKENLOOPER
What's it called?
DINAH
Midge Campbell X-9 Major.
67.
Dr. Hickenlooper withdraws a reference book from a shelf and
flips pages as she mutters:
DR. HICKENLOOPER
I'll look it up.
WOODROW
(loudly again)
Is she interested in astronomy? Your
mother.
DINAH
Not exactly. She's interested in stardom.
I don't mean that as a criticism, by the
way. It's her job. (To be famous.)
Anyway: I'm tired of her face, but I love
her voice. She should do more radio.
DR. HICKENLOOPER
(still studying her book)
I never had children. Sometimes I wonder
if I wish I should've. (I discovered a
hypothetical star myself, by the way.)
DINAH WOODROW
Which one? Where is it?
DR. HICKENLOOPER
(pointing)
Right there. It's partly blocked by that
burnt-out lightbulb.
Dr. Hickenlooper looks up and down at wallpaper/book in search
of Midge Campbell X-9 Major. Dinah ascends the metallic
staircase. Woodrow's eyes widen as he sees her clanking up to
join him. He chivalrously hops aside to allow her to look
through the eyepiece. As Dinah leans into the telescope:
Woodrow, transfixed, reverse-bumps into a lever -- then (to
catch his balance) slaps his hand onto panel of buttons and
knobs -- which sends the entire upper tower into a brisk,
humming, shuddering rotation. Woodrow and Dinah straighten,
alarmed. The telescope and platform begin to rise/dip and
counter-spin. Dr. Hickenlooper shouts up from below:
DR. HICKENLOOPER
Don't spin it around! I had it how I want
it. What's happening?
Woodrow and Dinah quickly study the levers, buttons, and knobs.
They exchange a look. Together: they click, twist, and pull. The
telescope halts with a jolt, banging the two teenagers into each
other. They regain their balance and brush themselves off,
slightly breathless. An interesting silence; then Woodrow and
Dinah simultaneously jolt back toward the telescope, bonk their
68.
heads together, then look at each other half-laughing/half-
dazed.
WOODROW
After you.
Woodrow motions for Dinah to go first again. He watches (in
close-up) as she peers through the telescope: her eyelashes
flutter; she licks her lips; she says in a soft voice:
DINAH
Sometimes, I think, mentally: I feel more
at home outside the earth's atmosphere.
WOODROW
(enchanted)
Me, too.
INT. MOTEL CABINS #9/10. DAY
Cabin #10: Augie's roller-blind zings open. He is working in his
darkroom again, wiggling and fanning another damp print. Cabin
#9: Midge, memorizing lines in her own window, watches from
across the narrow driveway. Pause.
MIDGE
Did it come out?
AUGIE
(abruptly)
All my pictures come out.
Augie reverses the photograph to show: the alien holding the
meteorite (perfectly posed/exposed). Midge squints.
MIDGE
I mean the other one.
Augie hesitates. He looks at the photo. He realizes:
AUGIE
Oh.
Augie hangs the photo of the alien (with clothespins) and
produces another new/damp print: the nude of Midge outside her
bathroom. It is also excellent. Midge nods, pleased,
appreciative. Augie clips it up next to the alien. He sits down
in his window. Midge asks abstractly:
MIDGE
You feel different?
69.
AUGIE
(pause)
I don't feel anything at all.
MIDGE
Me, neither.
Silence. Midge says suddenly:
MIDGE
I'm not a good mother.
AUGIE
(hesitates)
Uh-huh.
MIDGE
I love my daughter, but I'm not a good
mother, because (unfortunately for her):
she's not my first priority. On account
of there's always already the thing I
plan to do next. I love my daughter, by
the way.
AUGIE MIDGE
Of course. You said. I love all my children.
MIDGE
We have a magical time when we're
together. I have another girl and a boy.
They live with my second ex-husband in
Utah.
AUGIE
Uh-huh.
MIDGE
He rarely sees them, either.
AUGIE
Uh-huh.
MIDGE
I wish, at least, I felt guilty -- but I
don't experience that emotion (if I
understand it correctly). I've played it,
of course.
AUGIE
(surprised only mildly)
You never feel guilty? In real life.
70.
MIDGE
Not to my knowledge. I think because of
my history with violent men (which began
with my father, brother, and uncles).
Augie pauses, curious/sympathetic, before choosing not to pursue
the matter:
AUGIE
Uh-huh. There's always already the thing
I plan to do next, too. Usually, it's a
war. Nobody can compete with that. Can
they?
MIDGE
(pause)
Probably not. (I did a U.S.O. tour once.
It was thrilling.)
Augie tamps and lights his pipe while Midge studies him
carefully. Finally, she understands:
MIDGE
I think I see how I see us.
AUGIE
Hm?
MIDGE
I mean, I think I know now what I realize
we are: two catastrophically wounded
people who don't express the depths of
their pain -- because we don't want to.
That's our connection. Do you agree?
AUGIE
(long pause)
Uh-huh.
Augie starts to faintly laugh. He mumbles:
AUGIE
Let's change the subject.
Midge laughs faintly, too. A knock on the door of her bedroom.
MIDGE
It's open.
The sound of the door jolting open (off-screen). Stanley's voice
calls out:
STANLEY (O.S.)
Hello?
71.
MIDGE
In here.
Pause. Stanley's head peers in through the bathroom door. (He
does not see Augie in the window.)
STANLEY
Hello! I'm just your neighbor. Stanley
Zak. I wanted to make sure you and your
daughter have everything you might need,
at the moment.
MIDGE
Thank you. I think so.
STANLEY
What a strange experience this is, isn't
it? I went to law school with your former
agent, by the way.
MIDGE STANLEY
Mort? Mort.
STANLEY
Yes. Mort. Oh --
Stanley has now seen Augie. He frowns slightly and observes the
two photographs: alien and nude. About one or the other he says
simply:
STANLEY
That came out.
AUGIE
(abruptly again)
All my pictures come out.
The driver/bodyguard appears next to Stanley, suspicious.
Stanley frowns. Midge signals: "I'm OK." The driver/bodyguard
shrugs. Stanley says coolly:
STANLEY
Anyway, as I say, we're just across the
driveway, as my son-in-law seems to have
established. Send my best wishes to Mort.
MIDGE STANLEY
I will. And his family.
MIDGE
If and when we're permitted contact with
the outside world -- though I don't speak
to him, to tell you the truth.
72.
STANLEY
I love your hairdo like that.
MIDGE
Thank you.
Stanley lingers.
EXT. MOTEL GARDEN. DAY
The schoolchildren (notebooks and pencil-cases laid out in front
of them) occupy one of the picnic tables. June (a bit frazzled)
stands next to a blackboard illustrated with a brightly colorful
rendering of the solar system in multiple chalk colors. The two
chaperones stand by, uneasy. June begins:
JUNE
I'm going to attempt to proceed with the
lesson plan I originally prepared. Just
to keep orderliness under the
circumstances. I expect some of our
information about outer space may no
longer be completely accurate; but,
anyway, there's still only nine planets
in the solar system, as far as we know.
(reluctantly)
Billy?
The freckled boy has raised his hand. He blurts:
FRECKLED BOY
Except now there's a' alien!
JUNE
(calmly)
True, by all appearances. Nevertheless:
Neptune. Fourth largest planet (by
diameter), Neptune orbits the sun only
once every 165 years.
(reluctantly)
Bernice?
The little girl with curly red hair has raised her hand. She
blurts:
CURLY-HAIRED GIRL
Maybe the alien went there!
JUNE
(calmly)
Well -- maybe? I don't think anybody
knows where the alien went or came from.
(reluctantly)
Dwight?
73.
The boy with the cowlick has raised his hand. He says
philosophically:
BOY WITH COWLICK
At first, I thought the alien was kind of
sneaky, but now I think he was probably
nervous to go to earth. He's never been
here before, I betch'a.
FRECKLED BOY
(debating)
Then why'd he steal our asteroid then, if
he's such a gentleman?
JUNE
(calmly)
These are all reasonable questions; but,
at this time, let's stick to Neptune --
because I haven't had time to prepare any
lesson plan on this subject we're talking
about.
FRECKLED BOY
The alien!
JUNE
The alien, yes. Neptune: named after the
god of the sea, of course -- and, by the
way, I'm not trying to evade your
questions. I want to emphasize: you're
safe. We all are. (Here on earth.) Your
parents have been notified of, at least,
something. America remains at peace.
(surprised)
Yes, Montana?
Montana appears next to June. He takes off his cowboy hat and
holds it like a suitor as he proposes:
MONTANA
I'd like to parley a notion, myself, if I
could, June.
June hesitates. She nods. Montana addresses the class in a
gentle, thoughtful, protective voice:
MONTANA
I figger this here alien come from a
tribe we don't know nothin' `bout, do we?
Anything we say'd just be pure
speckalation! But I tell you what I
reckon: I reckon that alien don't mean no
harm `tall. I reckon he just took hisself
down here to have a looksy at the land
(more)
74.
MONTANA (cont'd)
and the peoples on it. In the spirit a'
expluration. See, I don't look on a
feller alien all suspicious-like. No, he
ain't American; no, he ain't a creature a
God's green earth; but he's a creature a
somewheres -- and so're we. Now let's
show the ol' feller some hospitality, and
if he turns out to be a dirty dog (which
I reckon he ain't), well, that'll be a
job for the United States armed forces,
and they ain't never lost a war yet.
Thanky-do.
Montana puts his hat back on and smiles to June and the
schoolchildren. June looks at Montana with both puzzlement and
admiration. She touches his dusty arm briefly. She says to the
group:
JUNE
I agree with Montana. Now: Neptune.
EXT. DESERT. DAY
Outside the fence at the rear the motel: the motel manager
explains the terms of a sale to J.J. as Clifford stands beside
them doing tricks with his yo-yo. J.J. clutches a paper from the
vending machine: "Deed of Sale."
MOTEL MANAGER
You see that wonderful crackly-patch
right out there between the dead cactuses
and the dried-up riverbed?
J.J.
I think so.
MOTEL MANAGER
That's your parcel.
The motel manager sweeps his arm slowly toward the barren
nothingness, marveling. J.J. squints.
J.J.
How much of it? Do I own.
MOTEL MANAGER
Well, it's actually an interesting
financial mechanism. You don't
technically own anything outright. You
own stock in the town. In the form of a
loan. With a fifty year maturity rate.
Then: at the end -- the loan is forgiven.
Clifford pockets his yo-yo. He chimes in:
75.
CLIFFORD
You dare me?
J.J. ignores the question. He continues the real-estate
discussion:
J.J.
How about water?
MOTEL MANAGER
(hesitates)
Of course, I understand. There isn't any.
This is a desert opportunity.
J.J. looks skeptical. Clifford attempts to reiterate:
CLIFFORD J.J.
You dare me? I heard you.
CLIFFORD
It's an experiment.
J.J.
(interrupting)
I don't care anymore. I dare you, or I
don't dare you. It doesn't matter. Do
what you wish. I give up.
Clifford goes silent, wounded. The motel manager, curious, looks
back and forth between father and son. J.J. asks Clifford
sincerely:
J.J.
What's the cause? What's the meaning? Why
do you always have to dare something?
CLIFFORD
(long pause)
I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm
afraid, otherwise, nobody'll -- notice --
my existence -- in the universe?
Silence. J.J. turns to the motel manager. The motel manager nods
slowly. They both turn to Clifford. Clifford shrugs and
sniffles. He looks like he is about to cry (but does not).
Suddenly:
J.J. MOTEL MANAGER
Dare you what? Dare you what?
CLIFFORD
(sadly)
To climb that cactus out there.
76.
J.J. MOTEL MANAGER
(adamant) (worried)
Lord, no. Please, don't.
Clifford, perhaps out of a sense of obligation, walks
deliberately toward a high cactus in the middle-distance.
EXT. HIGHWAY. DAY
Augie and Stanley flank Woodrow (in a mystified reverie) as they
walk down the center of the roadblocked highway through the
little town. The three girls trail behind them, stalking a
dragonfly with a butterfly net. Further in the background:
troops drill patrol along the barricades.
AUGIE
If I sleep on a cot instead of the sofa-
bed that might leave room for me to set
up a darkroom in the pool house. Is that
possible? As a compromise.
STANLEY
Depends on the measurements. I can
actually carpool the girls to school by
golf-cart, you know. If I cut across the
fourteenth tee.
AUGIE
(surprised)
It's that close? The elementary.
WOODROW
(in disbelief)
How can you two even think about this?
The world will never be the same!
Augie and Stanley nod, sympathetic rather than deeply engaged.
Woodrow continues:
WOODROW
What happens next? Nobody knows! Will he
visit us again? Will he speak to us? What
will he say? Why did he steal our
asteroid? Was it ours in the first place?
Does he -- like us? Nobody knows!
AUGIE
That's true.
WOODROW
(re: the universe)
What's out there? Something! The meaning
of life? Maybe there is one!
77.
Stanley frowns. He says to Woodrow:
STANLEY
I hope you're still Episcopalian.
Woodrow ignores this question. He says, electrified:
WOODROW
You took his picture, Dad!
Augie nods. He shrugs. Woodrow drifts away, looking up at the
sky and writing in his notebook. Augie sits on the hood of his
now-derelict station wagon. He says to Stanley genuinely:
AUGIE
You really want us, Stanley?
STANLEY
(bluntly)
No, but you need me.
AUGIE
(long pause)
She did love me, you know.
STANLEY
Who says she didn't? I've been on my own
for twelve years, after all (and,
remember: my wife drank herself to
death).
AUGIE
(pause)
I don't know what that means.
Stanley sits next to Augie. He says carefully:
STANLEY
In my loneliness (or, perhaps, because of
it), I've learned not to judge people; to
take people as I find them, not as others
find them; and, most of all, to give
complete and unquestioning faith to the
people I love. That doesn't include you,
but it included my daughter -- and your
four children -- and you're welcome to
stay with me as long as you wish, whether
I like it or not (which I don't, by the
way).
Augie grits his teeth. Stanley takes a deep breath. Augie stage-
whispers:
78.
AUGIE
Stop helping us. We're in grief!
Stanley, puzzled, stage-whispers back:
STANLEY
Me, too!
Stanley grips Augie by the shoulders and shakes him gently in
mock/genuine frustration. Woodrow suddenly re-appears. He points
a finger at his father.
WOODROW
Are you planning to abandon us?
Long pause. Stanley looks baffled. Augie says eventually:
AUGIE
I was (as a temporary measure) --
STANLEY
(stunned)
What?
AUGIE
-- but I decided against it.
WOODROW
I knew it. I sensed it.
STANLEY
I didn't!
Augie and Stanley debate briefly, aside:
AUGIE STANLEY
I would've hired a babysitter. I'm the grandfather. I'm not
In addition to you. the wet nurse.
Augie returns his attention to Woodrow. He clarifies:
AUGIE
I'm not planning to abandon you. Anymore.
Even as a temporary measure (which is all
it ever would've been).
WOODROW
I forgive you for considering it.
Woodrow drifts away again. Augie takes a deep breath. He looks
at the girls and asks:
AUGIE
What about you?
79.
ANDROMEDA
We're going to sleep under the floor of
the house in a secret prison powered by
electricity from an erupting volcano.
AUGIE
OK. Who needs to pee? Let's go inside and
order some chili.
EXT. METEOR CRATER. EVENING
The crater floor remains decorated exactly as last seen during
the alien's brief visit (including picnic blankets, root beer,
peanuts, viewing devices); but hundreds of tags and markers
stuck in the dirt now indicate names, times, distances, and
other statistical information. An empty divot where the
meteorite previously sat is now taped off and isolated -- as is
the pair of peculiar footprints next to it. Guards stand at
attention while men in rubber suits search with metal detectors,
scan with Geiger counters, take rock and soil samples, analyze
atmospheric conditions, etc. Cameras and recording devices
flutter and hum. General Gibson, at his lectern, explains to a
small team of assembled scientists and military personnel
(including Dr. Hickenlooper) over the P.A. speaker:
GENERAL GIBSON
For the official Military-science
Division archive: this is a forensic re-
enactment of events that occurred on this
site exactly sixteen hours ago --
(checking his watch)
-- now.
General Gibson puts on his viewing device. Everyone else follows
suit.
GENERAL GIBSON
Dr. Hickenlooper, would you like to
repeat the remarks you said yesterday? To
the best of your recollection.
DR. HICKENLOOPER
Well, I began by describing various
properties of the Astronomical Ellipses.
(suddenly)
What's that noise?
The general silence has been broken by the sound of prominent,
crunchy chewing. Dr. Hickenlooper lifts the corner of her
viewing device and peers out. From inside the box on his head,
the aide-de-camp says with his mouth full of food:
AIDE-DE-CAMP
Fritos.
80.
DR. HICKENLOOPER
(frowning)
Were you eating those last night? When
the alien came.
AIDE-DE-CAMP
How could I? The snack machine was turned
off.
DR. HICKENLOOPER
Then give it.
The aide-de-camp reluctantly hands his package of corn chips to
Dr. Hickenlooper. Dr. Hickenlooper clears her throat and presses
on:
DR. HICKENLOOPER
Twice every fifty-seven years, when the
earth, the sun, the moon, and the
galactic plane of the Milky Way --
AIDE-DE-CAMP
(suddenly)
What's that contraption?
The aide-de-camp points to: the mechanic, nearby, cradling the
cast-iron assembly which fell from the underside of Augie's car.
He explains to Dr. Hickenlooper and General Gibson:
MECHANIC
I've never seen an assembly of this kind
on any American make or model (nor
foreign, actually) in all my experience.
I thought maybe it might be some kind of
hot rod power-booster (unusual for a
station wagon); but, then, after what
occurred and so on, I figured it's my
duty to bring it to the attention of the
proper authorities. In case it comes from
outer space.
General Gibson examines the assembly. He muses:
GENERAL GIBSON
It might be from space, or it might be
from earth. Impossible to tell.
(to the executive)
What do you think?
EXECUTIVE
No idea.
81.
GENERAL GIBSON
(to the aide-de-camp)
Put it in a box and mark it: "unknown."
AIDE-DE-CAMP
Yes, sir. Like we always do.
Dr. Hickenlooper looks at General Gibson and the executive,
skeptical. She continues her address (now eating corn chips as
she speaks):
DR. HICKENLOOPER
After that, I said something like, "Boy,
aren't these just luminously marvelous
colors?" Then I warned everybody not to
look right at it.
EXT. HIGHWAY. NIGHT
After dark. The middle of the town, quiet and empty. A guard
sits in a chair in front of the telephone booth. A sign on a
barricade behind him reads:
Public Telephone Service Suspended
Official Use Only
by order of
the United States Military-science
Research and Experimentation Division
The night wind blows gently. Moths flutter under a roadside
lamp. Clifford saunters out of the dimness, practicing his yo-
yo. (His face and hands are now covered with numerous, tiny
bandages.) He approaches the guard and smiles.
CLIFFORD
Evening, Chief.
The guard nods, blank. Clifford finishes an offhand trick then
pockets his yo-yo.
CLIFFORD
Can I ask you to stick this dime in the
payphone for me, please?
Clifford holds out a dime. The guard answers, stony:
GUARD
All public telephone service has been
suspended until further notice.
CLIFFORD
I know it. The thing is: right before the
hubbub yesterday, I made a trunk call to
my cousin (long distance), and the
(more)
82.
CLIFFORD (cont'd)
operator let me owe the surcharge because
all I had was three pennies. I don't feel
right stealing from the telephone
company.
Silence. The guard shrugs. He takes the dime, unlocks/opens a
special triple-latch on the door of the telephone booth, and
reaches inside to slip the dime into its slot. The dime clinks.
The payphone clacks. The guard closes the door and re-locks it.
Camera booms up: through the roof of the little booth,
diagonally along the telephone line up to the top of a nearby
utility pole, horizontally across the parking area and motor
court gardens -- to a jerry-rigged junction spliced with clamps,
clips, and electrical tape which branches off and descends down
(via what appears to be a pair of automobile jumper cables) into
Tent #7.
The exterior wall of the tent dissolves away to reveal, inside:
a tidy, canvas motel room on a wooden platform floor with
braided rugs. It is furnished exactly as the surrounding cabins.
Ricky, wearing a radio headset, listens at a complicated,
improvised telecommunications console. Woodrow, Dinah, and
Shelly sit beside him, waiting. Woodrow and Dinah are in mid-
conversation, animated:
DINAH
Although it might convey a different
meaning on his planet.
WOODROW
That's true -- if he even has a planet,
by the way! He might be nomadic?
Dinah considers this. Ricky's eyes light up. He holds up his
finger for silence.
RICKY
Operator? Kismet-nine, seven-seven-oh.
Station to station. Thank you.
Clifford pokes his head through the tent flap. Ricky looks at
him and nods. Clifford slips inside.
SPLIT-SCREEN:
On one side: Ricky with the others in the tent. On the other
side: a telephone rings in a suburban kitchen. A carefully
coiffed and made-up mother, svelte in a stylish dress and apron,
dries her hands on a dishtowel as she picks up the receiver and
answers, a bit sharp:
MOTHER
Hello? Who's calling?
83.
RICKY
Good evening, Mrs. Weatherford. It's
Ricky Cho. May I have a word with --
MOTHER
(checking her watch)
It's after nine, Ricky. He's already
drinking his Ovaltine. Can't this wait
until tomorrow?
RICKY
(unfortunately)
I'm afraid not, Mrs. Weatherford. I
wouldn't disturb you if it weren't of the
utmost importance to the Weekly Bobcat. I
just need a minute of his time.
MOTHER
(pause)
All right, Ricky. Hold the line.
The mother exits. Ricky looks to his colleagues; Clifford
distributes Raisinets; Shelly asks Woodrow and Dinah (a bit
blunt):
SHELLY
Some kind of romance between the two of
you?
Woodrow turns bright red again. He says:
WOODROW
Who?
SHELLY
Who. You.
DINAH
(coolly)
Who?
SHELLY WOODROW
(louder) (flustered)
You know who! Us?
DINAH
(evenly)
We only met yesterday.
WOODROW
(mortified)
I feel she doesn't like me in that way.
84.
Dinah looks at Woodrow briefly, calm. Woodrow takes a deep
breath. Shelly concludes:
SHELLY
Uh-huh. Well, I think you're pretty
smart, but I think you're pretty dumb.
In the meantime: a sleepy boy in pajamas and a tartan bathrobe
enters the kitchen (sipping a glass of warm/chocolatey milk with
a straw) and picks up the receiver:
SLEEPY BOY
Hello?
RICKY
(to the others:)
Shh!
(to the sleepy boy:)
Skip? Ricky. We got a scoop.
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO. DAY
Black and white.
The lights come up on another set: a rehearsal space in a
converted cast-iron building (formerly a garment factory).
Sprung wooden floor, low platform stage, pressed tin ceiling.
One wall of expansive windows looks out at a painted theatrical
background depicting an elevated train station platform; another
wall is fully mirrored like a dance studio. Wooden chairs seat
twenty students, aged twenty-five to forty, well-dressed in
jackets with neckties and skirts with scarves. Some smoke
cigarettes. One of them is the host. He turns briefly to address
camera:
HOST
The first hints of the future existence
of "Asteroid City" were revealed during a
special seminar scheduled at the
playwright's request.
The teacher/guru, shoeless in a narrow suit of Communist origin,
bright-eyed and commanding, sits perched on a threadbare but
comfortable settee. He begins (in faintly mittel-Europa accent):
TEACHER
Conrad Earp: how can we help you?
The playwright, seated on the stage alone, answers, hopeful:
PLAYWRIGHT
Well, the thing is, Saltzie: I'd like to
make a scene where all my characters are
each gently/privately seduced into the
(more)
85.
PLAYWRIGHT (cont'd)
deepest, dreamiest slumber of their lives
as a result of their shared experience of
a bewildering and bedazzling celestial
mystery --
TEACHER
(interrupting)
A sleeping scene.
PLAYWRIGHT
(reluctantly clarifying)
A scene of sleeping -- but I don't know
how to write it!
TEACHER
Yet.
PLAYWRIGHT
Yet. I thought, perhaps, if you and your
wonderfully talented pupils just
improvise? Something might reveal itself.
The host stands up and moves among the students as he continues
his narration:
HOST
Who wasn't going to be famous? On any
given day: roll-call in Saltzburg
Keitel's classroom was a now-dazzling
list of undiscovered luminaries:
The host points out various notable figures: the actor who plays
Roger, the actress who plays Shelly, the actor who plays the
mechanic, the actor who plays Montana, the actress who plays
Midge -- and (behind them all, in the corner of the back row,
seated on the floor, near the door) the actor who plays Augie.
HOST
Linus Mao, Lucretia Shaver, Walter
Geronimo, Asquith Eden, Mercedes Ford.
Even, unofficially: Jones Hall.
The actor who plays Roger raises his hand to ask:
ACTOR/ROGER
What's it about? The play.
PLAYWRIGHT
(pause)
Infinity, and I don't know what else.
The actress who plays Shelly chimes in:
86.
ACTRESS/SHELLY
Is there a title?
PLAYWRIGHT
I'm torn. Perhaps: "The Cosmic
Wilderness." Do you like that one?
ACTRESS/MIDGE
Not really.
The room echoes in agreement. The actor who plays Montana asks
(in an English accent):
ACTOR/MONTANA
What's the other? Title, I mean.
PLAYWRIGHT
It's the name of the small town on the
California/Nevada/Arizona desert where
the story takes place.
The teacher rises from his settee and begins to prowl the stage,
ruminating. He demands:
TEACHER
Who here has fallen asleep ever onstage
during a live performance? In front of a
paying audience.
A voice answers from an unseen corner of the room:
DIRECTOR (O.S.)
Me.
The teacher and his students all turn to see: the director. The
director smiles slyly. So does the teacher. Students whisper.
DIRECTOR
I spent the first three-quarters of Act
II of "The Welterweight" on a massage
table with no lines until the last minute
and a half. One night, I nodded off.
TEACHER
On purpose? You did this.
DIRECTOR
(absolutely not)
No.
TEACHER
Did you miss your cue?
87.
DIRECTOR
Almost. I heard it, and I woke up (very
scared) -- but I knew my lines.
Silence. The teacher tips an imaginary hat.
TEACHER
Good morning, Schubert.
DIRECTOR
Good morning, Saltzie.
TEACHER
What brings you here today? Haven't seen
you in six weeks.
DIRECTOR
"Lavender and Lemons" opened last night
(to very good, I might say, raves, by the
way). I'm available.
Both the teacher and the director now look significantly to the
playwright: available. The director says quietly:
DIRECTOR
Hello, Connie.
The playwright nods, demure and pleased. The host, now
behind/beside the teacher, director, and playwright, interjects:
HOST
What did he teach? Example:
TEACHER
Sleep: is not death. The body keeps busy
(breathing air, pumping blood, thinking).
Maybe you pay visit to your dead mother.
Maybe you go to bed with ex-wife. Or
husband! Maybe you climb the Matterhorn.
Connie: you wake up with new scene three-
quarters written in the head already.
Schubert: you wake up with a hangover.
Important things happen. Is there
something to play? I think so. Let's work
on scene from the outside in: be inert --
then dream.
On cue: the students all go inert -- then dream: yawning,
snoring, sleepwalking/sleeptalking, tossing and turning, singing
a lullaby, thumbsucking with a security blanket, etc. The
teacher turns to the playwright and says, shouting over the din:
88.
TEACHER
Where are we, Connie? And when. Talk to
us!
PLAYWRIGHT
(startled)
All right.
As the playwright speaks, the lights begin to slowly fade --
leaving him alone, spotlit in the darkness:
PLAYWRIGHT
One week later. Our cast of characters'
already tenuous grasp of reality has
further slipped in quarantine, and the
group begins to occupy a space of the
most peculiar emotional dimensions.
Meanwhile: the information blockade
spearheaded by General Grif Gibson has
been, it appears, incomplete...
EXT. HIGHWAY. DAY
Widescreen/color.
In all directions encircling the town: an ambush of press and
public (beyond/outside the military barricades). Television
crews; radio reporters; newspapermen and women; visitors by the
dozen with picnic baskets and transistor radios; vendors selling
popcorn, toy meteorites, and postcards of a crude but generally
accurate rendering of the alien with the meteorite tucked under
his arm (evidently based on Ricky's description). Parked cars,
trucks, and vans everywhere. Campers camping. A Ferris wheel. An
arriving passenger train bannered "Asteroid City Alien Special"
jammed with tourists leaning out windows and clambering down
from doors -- among them a newsboy carrying a stack of papers.
He shouts:
NEWSBOY
Extra! Extra! Late Edition!
INSERT:
The front page of a daily newspaper (The Arid Plains Desert
Post). Headline: "High School Student Breaks Alien Invasion
Story: Exposes Military Cover-up." A sidebar begins: "Junior
Stargazer, Ace Reporter: Ricky Cho (of the Coldcreek High School
Weekly Bobcat)." Augie's photograph of the alien is top/center
with a caption: Augie Steenbeck/French Press International.
INT. OBSERVATORY. DAY
The classroom. General Gibson sits, as before, at the table in
front. Ricky, in a school desk, faces him. Also present: Roger,
89.
the business executive, two guards. (Tacked to the wall:
numerous photographs of the alien's footprints.) General Gibson
is offended, disappointed, angry:
GENERAL GIBSON
I hope you're aware: you and your
accomplices may still face felony
prosecution. Possibly, even, a treason
charge.
RICKY
(unfazed)
I'll fight it all the way to the Supreme
Court, if necessary -- and win.
The door opens, and the aide-de-camp enters to deliver a yellow
envelope to General Gibson.
AIDE-DE-CAMP
This just in: from the president.
General Gibson tears open the envelope. He speed-reads a
telegram. He tosses papers fluttering into the air as he groans,
wounded:
GENERAL GIBSON
He's furious. Thanks, Ricky.
ROGER
(sympathetic)
I don't know what to say, General Gibson.
I'm sorry.
RICKY
Don't apologize, Dad. The public has a
right to the truth.
ROGER
(gently)
You made your point.
RICKY
(shouting)
This tribunal is a mockery!
Ricky strides to the door, father in tow. The business executive
inquires, aside, to General Gibson:
EXECUTIVE
What about Steenbeck? Who took the
photograph. It's on the front page of
every newspaper on the planet. Can't we
arrest him, as well?
90.
GENERAL GIBSON
Unfortunately, no. He dropped a print in
the mail (to his photo-agency) first
thing Tuesday morning, and the postman
got it before we did. He's innocent.
Supposedly, he did a nude of Midge
Campbell, too.
EXT. DESERT. DAY
An improvised shooting range behind the luncheonette. A barrage
of machine-gun bullets rips into a row of paper targets (adapted
from Augie's alien photograph) pinned to a bank of hay bales,
shredding them. A dozen soldiers, flat on the ground in a row,
quickly reload. One of them (the guard from the telephone booth)
notices something off-screen and frowns.
A hundred yards away: a beer bottle catapults into the air. J.J.
hoists Clifford's electromagnetic death-ray up to his shoulder
and pulls the trigger, silently zapping the bottle into glowing
dots which linger/sizzle/pop. J.J. recharges the death-ray while
Sandy observes at his side. Stanley distributes fresh martinis
from the cantina machine. (He retains another round in his free
hand, clasped by a finger in each cup.)
SANDY
How long can they keep us in Asteroid
City? Legally, I mean.
J.J.
Well, I'm not an attorney, but I'd say:
"As long as they like." I think we'd have
to file an injunction and successfully
argue the case. Six months to a year? Of
course, we'd also initiate a civil suit
for loss of income.
STANLEY
(pleasantly)
Maybe we should just walk out right now.
I'm not sure they can stop us. Without
killing somebody.
J.J.
Interesting idea. What kind of mileage
you think that jet pack gets?
SANDY
(taking the death-ray)
Ask Roger (or his son). Apparently, he's
being prosecuted for revealing state
secrets.
91.
J.J.
(dismissive)
They'll never make it stick.
STANLEY
I'm in no hurry. I like the desert. I
like aliens.
J.J. places another beer bottle into the launcher and catapults
it. Sandy aims the death-ray -- but an off-screen voice
interrupts brusquely:
GUARD (O.S.)
How'd you get that back?
J.J., Sandy, and Stanley turn suddenly, startled. (The bottle
falls to the ground, unzapped, and shatters.) The telephone
booth guard (still armed for target practice) stands behind the
group. J.J. retrieves the death-ray from Sandy, possessive.
GUARD
The projects remain under secure
lockdown. No Stargazer is permitted
personal access without the express
permission --
J.J.
(righteous)
My son invented this death-ray.
GUARD
(hesitates)
That may be true; but my orders --
The guard reaches toward the death-ray. J.J. swings up the nose
of the device.
J.J.
Step back!
STANLEY
(concerned/bemused)
Easy, fellas. We're not in Guadalcanal
anymore.
The aide-de-camp jogs briskly from another direction to
intervene. He carries a military-issue handheld two-way radio.
He says soothingly:
AIDE-DE-CAMP
OK! Calm down, please. Everybody. It's
been a difficult quarantine.
92.
J.J. and the guard are now pointing their weapons at each other,
point-blank. They shout/scream:
GUARD J.J.
You stole your projects! I'll zap you right now!
The aide-de-camp's radio crackles: "Stand down!" The aide-de-
camp nods and says sharply to the guard:
AIDE-DE-CAMP
Stand down! You see? General Gibson says,
"Stand down." We'll re-confiscate the
projects at a later time. Probably after
dinner.
J.J.
(grimly)
Try it.
INT. MOTEL CABINS #9/10. DAY
Cabin #10: Augie's roller-blind zings open once again as he
wiggles/fans another damp print. (Hanging from clothespins
behind him: a print of the Steenbeck family station wagon on
blocks.) He says loudly without looking:
AUGIE
This was on an old roll I forgot to
develop in the glove box.
Augie reverses the photograph to show: himself in a smoky/misty
jungle, hair matted with blood, more blood caked black on the
side of his neck, puffing his pipe, holding up a bloody/twisty
metal shard.
AUGIE
"Self-portrait with Shrapnel."
As he hangs the print Augie finally sees in Cabin #9, across the
driveway: Midge, lifeless in an overflowing bathtub with an
empty bottle of sleeping pills spilled all over the floor. Augie
freezes, squints, and stares. Midge says motionless, eyes
closed, mascara streaked:
MIDGE
Do page forty-five.
Augie hesitates. He disappears briefly -- then returns holding a
copy of Midge's script. He sits and reads out loud:
AUGIE
"What've you done? How could you?"
93.
MIDGE
It says, "shouting and crying."
AUGIE
Uh-huh.
MIDGE
So shout and cry.
AUGIE
(shouting/crying)
"How could you!
MIDGE
(evenly)
How couldn't I?
AUGIE
(stupefied)
How -- couldn't -- you?
MIDGE
That's what I'm asking.
AUGIE
(wounded)
It was over. Already. You were free.
What's the point of committing suicide
when there's nothing left to escape?
MIDGE
(opening her eyes)
Maybe that was the problem all along."
AUGIE
(out of character)
Now it says I smash everything off the
shelf.
MIDGE
So smash everything off the --
Augie makes shattering/crashing sounds and bashes imaginary
plates and vases off imaginary shelves in every direction,
enraged. He reels back to Midge and says, baffled:
AUGIE
"Such a sickening waste. Think of the
people. Think of the places. Think of
the --"
MIDGE
(directing)
Use your grief.
94.
AUGIE
(stiffening)
For a rehearsal? I'm not even in this
picture. I'm a war photographer.
Midge shrugs. Long pause. Augie tries again, crushed/
heartbroken -- and improved:
AUGIE
"Such a sickening waste. Think of the
people. Think of the places. Think of the
world you could've seen, Dolores.
MIDGE
(inevitably)
I've already seen it."
AUGIE
(out of character)
Is she a ghost?
MIDGE
It's not clear.
AUGIE
(skimming/paraphrasing)
Then the coroner comes in. Orders me out
of the room. I slowly turn away and close
the door. Scene. My sandwich is burning.
Augie stands up and exits the bathroom. Camera dollies to the
next window to reveal Augie forking a grilled cheese from a hot
plate on the table. Midge enters her own bedroom (opposing
window), wrapping her dressing gown around her as she sits. She
says, suddenly tense:
MIDGE
My daughter saw us.
AUGIE
(alarmed)
What?
MIDGE
Dinah saw us. Through this window. In
your bedroom yesterday.
AUGIE
(resourceful)
Did you tell her we were rehearsing
again?
95.
MIDGE
(regretful)
I didn't think of that. I should've. Now
it's too late, because I admitted
everything.
AUGIE
(short pause, uneasy)
Did she tell Woodrow?
MIDGE
Hard to say. She can keep a secret. I
don't know if she will.
Augie and Midge simultaneously look away and sigh. Midge begins
to carefully funnel sleeping pills back into their bottle. She
says quietly:
MIDGE
This isn't the beginning of something,
Augie.
AUGIE
(pause)
Isn't it?
MIDGE
(surprised)
Is it?
AUGIE
(resigned)
Probably not.
Another pause. Then, simultaneously:
AUGIE MIDGE
(hopeful/desperate) (hopeful/affectionate)
Although you never know. Unless maybe it is?
Augie and Midge stare at each other. Augie says oddly:
AUGIE
I don't like the way that guy looked at
us.
MIDGE
(not following)
Which guy?
AUGIE
The alien.
96.
MIDGE
(surprised)
Oh. How'd he --
AUGIE
(interrupting)
Like we're doomed.
A beat. Augie looks down to:
INSERT:
The electric hot plate (patterned with diagonal zig-zag
lightning bolts). Brand: "Quicky-Griddle."
Augie slaps down his palm on the burner. He yelps and jerks his
hand away. Midge frowns.
MIDGE
What'd you just do?
AUGIE
(frozen)
I burned my hand on the Quicky-Griddle.
MIDGE
(confused)
Why?
AUGIE
It's not clear.
MIDGE
(deeply perplexed)
Show me.
Augie holds up his hand. The palm is seared with griddled
lightning bolts. Midge looks shocked.
MIDGE
You really did it! That actually
happened.
Augie looks at his hand, bewildered. He frowns.
EXT. MOTEL GARDEN. DAY
The schoolchildren sit, once again, at their picnic table. June
(now wearing slightly more make-up than usual, with one extra
blouse button unbuttoned and her hair looser, in waves) stands
next to her blackboard which is still illustrated with the
colorful solar system and now includes numerous moons and
detailed size/distance/mass measurements. The two chaperones
remain uneasy.
97.
The motel gardener/handyman studies a user's manual and tinkers
with pliers and screwdrivers behind a large cabinet housing a
tiny television screen (tuned to static) situated on a rolling
cart. Adjacent: a pedestal-mounted television camera. June
begins:
JUNE
As you know, boys and girls, your parents
arrived late last night by military
helicopter. They've been sequestered in
that metal hut over there --
June points to, just outside the town perimeter/barricades,
between throngs of festive visitors: a mobile Quonset hut with a
Sikorsky helicopter parked next to it.
JUNE
-- for the past several hours while the
government scientists explain the
situation to them (although everything's
already in the newspapers). It's my
understanding they're about to go onto
this closed-circuit television set? At
any moment.
GARDENER/HANDYMAN
Everything's connected, but nothing's
working.
The gardener/handyman continues to tinker. June continues:
JUNE
Let's carry on with the lesson plan,
then. Jupiter:
(reluctantly)
Billy?
The freckled boy has raised his hand. He blurts:
FRECKLED BOY
I did the alien's flying saucer with a
hubcap and a chicken pot pie tin.
The freckled boy displays an intricately constructed scale model
of the alien's spacecraft (employing toothpicks, paperclips,
sequins, glitter, pipe cleaners, and cotton ball smoke). A
critical/appreciative murmur among the other schoolchildren.
JUNE
Good work. Very accurate. Fifth planet
from the sun, largest in our solar
system, Jupiter --
(reluctantly)
Bernice?
98.
The girl with curly red hair has raised her hand. She blurts:
CURLY-HAIRED GIRL
I did the alien on his home planet.
The curly-haired girl displays a crayon drawing of the alien (in
thinker-pose, mysteriously smiling) perched on a rock in front
of a futuristic mansion in a barren desert. Another
critical/appreciative murmur.
JUNE
Well done. How wonderful. Due to extreme
atmospheric conditions, an anticyclonic
storm has raged on Jupiter's surface for
over --
(reluctantly)
Dwight?
The boy with the cowlick has raised his hand. He blurts:
BOY WITH COWLICK
I wrote a song about him.
The boy with the cowlick displays a wide-ruled sheet of
pencilled lyrics. June hesitates, uneasy.
JUNE
Oh. Um. This may not be the time for a
musical performance. Let's --
(surprised)
Yes, Montana?
Montana appears next to June (again), tuning a rattly lap-steel
guitar as the entire posse of other cowboys and ranch hands
filters into formation behind him, briskly arranging several hay
bales and tuning their own instruments. The boy with the cowlick
steps in front. Montana explains:
MONTANA
Pardon th' interuption, June. The boys
and I heard ol' Dwight was scribblin' up
a little warble, so we learned ourselves
to play it.
The group launches directly into a haunting western chant with
ominous, plucked accompaniment. The boy with the cowlick
steeples his hands as if in prayer and sings:
BOY WITH COWLICK
Dear alien, who art in heaven,
Lean and skinny, 'bout six-foot-seven;
Though we know ye ain't our brother:
Are you friend or foe (or other)?
99.
The chorus brings the song instantly into the upbeat
skiffle/rodeo genre with full country orchestration and the
entire posse singing in unison (in three octaves):
CHORUS
Hop on one foot,
Skip on two;
Dance the Spaceman,
Howdly-do!
Bounce on four foot,
Spring on three;
Let's be Spacemen,
(in twelve-part harmony:)
Howdly-dee!
The children, ecstatic, clap and bounce with the joyful music.
Montana sets aside his lap-steel, hops over to June, takes her
hand, and pulls her into a dance while the other musicians (and,
now, the gardener/handyman, as well) continue to play a round of
exquisite/repeated "Howdly-dees!" with whoops and stomps etc.
June, caught off-guard, laughs as Montana swings her in a
circle. Unobserved on the T.V. set: the parents (clustered
together inside a small hangar, hot, haggard, weary, unkempt,
slightly terrified) have finally been connected. They watch,
mystified.
(NOTE: the lyric "or other" might, perhaps, be sung by one of
the ranch hands in extreme, deepest basso profondo.)
EXT. MOTEL CABIN #7. DAY
The five teenagers sit together (once again) in a circle on the
ground between the burned ruins and the canvas tent. One of the
radio telescopes from the field outside the observatory has been
relocated into the immediate background. It spins quietly in its
familiar manner. As Dinah lists names (periodically pointing to
Ricky, Clifford, and/or Shelly as "out"), Dr. Hickenlooper
appears (unnoticed) behind them. She inspects the radio
telescope, surprised/irritated. She watches the game briefly.
(NOTE: Woodrow and Dinah, the only players not "out," stare only
at each other during the game. The other participants look back
and forth between them, invested in the outcome of the
competition -- but also intrigued by the noticeable chemistry in
the air. Clifford performs an occasional yo-yo trick.)
DINAH
-- Tab Hunter, Doris Day, out, Jack the
Ripper, out, Bing Crosby, Shirley Temple,
out, out, Orson Welles, Lucille Ball,
out, Marlon Brando, out, Queen Elizabeth,
Mickey Mantle, out, out, Yul Bryner,
Louis Armstrong, out, Lana Turner, out --
100.
Dr. Hickenlooper follows a low, suspended electrical cable into
the tent. Camera dollies with her to reveal: a much-expanded
array of sophisticated gadgetry and wiring (humming, blinking,
beeping) which now fills the entire space beyond its capacity.
(Dinah's plant-growing device appears to have cultivated a
beanstalk which extends out through a hole in the roof of the
tent.) Dr. Hickenlooper shakes her head. She returns to the
group while Dinah continues:
DINAH
-- Betty Grable, Ella Fitzgerald, out,
out, Rock Hudson, out, Jerry Lewis, out,
out --
DR. HICKENLOOPER
(interrupting)
Who's responsible for stealing my radio
telescope, my signal-processing receiver,
and my entire spectrographical monitoring
network?
The five startled teenagers look to each other, worried. Woodrow
answers:
WOODROW
We're trying to contact the alien.
Dr. Hickenlooper struggles to convey the depths of her
profoundly wounded annoyance as she responds:
DR. HICKENLOOPER
I appreciate that -- but what about Dr.
Hickenlooper? I personally designed most
of this equipment. I lobbied for
congressional support. I cultivated
dubious relationships in the private
sector (a necessary compromise). Plus: I
sit up there in my observatory every
night. Watching and listening. If you're
trying to contact the alien: include me!
(pause)
Did you hear anything from him? So far.
WOODROW
No.
Dr. Hickenlooper scoffs: "Ha." She motions with a thumb back
towards the tent:
DR. HICKENLOOPER
The squiggle control is disabled, by the
way.
101.
RICKY
(speculating)
We thought that might reduce resistance
in the secondary circuit.
DR. HICKENLOOPER
(pause)
I doubt it. If you want to borrow my
stuff, ask first. What's all this?
Dr. Hickenlooper points. Camera pans slightly to reveal a
bulletin board displaying a large concept-drawing which depicts
the moon with the American flag projected onto it; and, thumb-
tacked around it, alternative symbols: a cross, a Star of David,
a pentagram, an eye, a pyramid, a yin/yang, the Coca-Cola logo,
and the photograph of Woodrow's mother. Woodrow explains:
WOODROW
I put the American flag just to be
patriotic. Now we need to really mean
something. A universal message. Not only
to earthlings.
RICKY
We already thought of everything we could
think of: a cross, a star, a four-leaf-
clover; letters, numbers, hieroglyphics.
DR. HICKENLOOPER
(pause)
What's the point of projecting a star
onto the moon?
WOODROW
Exactly.
DR. HICKENLOOPER
I ask that sincerely.
SHELLY
(hopeful)
How about "E=mc2?" I still think --
DINAH CLIFFORD
They know that. It's too easy.
WOODROW
This is our chance to be actually --
worthwhile. In our lifetimes.
DR. HICKENLOOPER
(long pause)
I see what you mean. Whose turn was it?
102.
DINAH
The middle of mine. I better start over.
Cleopatra, Jagadish Chandra Bose, Antonie
van Leeuwenhoek, Paracelsus, Kurt Gödel,
William Henry Bragg, Lord Kelvin, Midge
Campbell, Konstantin Tsiolkovsky --
As Dinah effortlessly continues down her list, Dr. Hickenlooper
signals for Woodrow to join her, aside:
DR. HICKENLOOPER
A word, Woodrow. About the settings on
the spectrograph. Note: the warning label
indicates --
Woodrow follows Dr. Hickenlooper into the tent as she continues
to pretend to study/consult about the stolen gear:
DR. HICKENLOOPER
-- the risk of electrocution is sharply
increased when --
Dr. Hickenlooper raises an eyebrow. She whispers with authority:
DR. HICKENLOOPER
It's all worthwhile. In your lifetime.
This, I mean.
Dr. Hickenlooper refers to the jumble of scientific apparatus
(and what it represents to her). Woodrow hesitates.
WOODROW
OK.
DR. HICKENLOOPER
Your curiosity is your most important
asset. Trust it.
DR. HICKENLOOPER WOODROW
Trust your curiosity. OK.
DR. HICKENLOOPER
The resources of my lab will always be
available to you. After this thing is
over, I mean. You can sort of be my
protégé, if you like.
WOODROW
(pause)
Maybe we can prove the hypothesis of
Celestial Flirtation (and get the math
right, finally).
103.
DR. HICKENLOOPER
(touched)
Let's try.
WOODROW
(squinting)
I think I see the dots. From space.
Burned into your eyeballs.
Woodrow stares into Dr. Hickenlooper's eyes. Long pause.
DR. HICKENLOOPER
I'm sorry about your mother. I miss mine,
too. She died forty-six years ago.
WOODROW
(blankly)
Thank you.
Tears stream down Woodrow's face again. Dr. Hickenlooper hugs
him.
EXT. MOTEL OFFICE. EVENING
The motel manager stands at the "Deeds" vending machine and
makes his pitch to an off-screen customer:
MOTEL MANAGER
I've already petitioned the State
Assembly to change the name of the town
from "Asteroid City" to "Alien Landing,
U.S.A." This municipality might end up
being the center of a vast community of --
Stargazers and Space Cadets. It's a
historic offering.
CUT TO:
The freckled boy cupping a handful of forty quarters. He bites
his lip, weighing his options. His eyes wander to the candy
machine.
EXT. METEOR CRATER. EVENING
The entire congregation has re-assembled once more at the
bottom/center of the impact crater. Folding chairs. American
flag. Cameraman filming. "Asteroid Day" banner (a bit crumpled).
The five Junior Stargazers' projects on display. The mechanic
stands off to the side holding a small, cardboard box labeled
"Unknown." In the audience: Augie's hand is now carefully
bandage-wrapped. At his lectern: General Gibson speaks.
104.
GENERAL GIBSON
As you know, the "Asteroid Day" itinerary
had to be suspended last week due to the
factual reality of -- our circumstances.
However: I have an announcement to make.
Dr. Hickenlooper and the Military-science
Research and Experimentation Division (in
conjunction with the Larkings Foundation)
have officially selected a recipient for
this year's Hickenlooper Scholarship --
(brief/dramatic pause)
-- and you're all going home. First thing
tomorrow morning. The president has opted
to lift the quarantine (by executive
decree).
The group explodes into cheers, applause, hugs, tears. The aide-
de-camp appears with the giant-sized $5,000 check. General
Gibson says with uneasy warmth/relief:
GENERAL GIBSON
I'd like to take this opportunity -- and,
by the way, all of this year's projects
(setting aside my own differences of
opinion with Ricky Cho) --
General Gibson motions to Ricky, cool but respectful. Ricky
nods, also respectful but also cool.
GENERAL GIBSON
-- were of the very highest calibre,
without exception -- to formally declare
and congratulate the winner of the 1955
Hickenlooper Scholarship --
(hesitates)
What's happening now?
Whispers and murmuring. Everyone has turned to watch: Woodrow,
frozen, pointing to the "date" display/scoreboard. He states
ominously:
WOODROW
It's today again.
Dr. Hickenlooper frowns. Suddenly: the congregation is
illuminated in the familiar green light. They all look up. The
spacecraft is hovering silently above. The round hatch on its
underside irises open. The alien's scraggly fingers reach out
slowly into view, cupping the meteorite in their careful grip,
and thrust/toss the rock (as if releasing a bird or butterfly),
which then drops straight down, landing with a thump more or
less in its original divot. The hatch spirals shut, and the
vessel departs exactly as before (with an additional/horizontal
105.
loop-de-loop flourish). Everyone stares, mouths open,
frozen/agog. Silence. Augie finally clarifies the situation:
AUGIE
I think he only borrowed the asteroid.
INSERT:
The meteorite. General Gibson's hands gingerly touch the surface
of the rock, then flip it over to reveal, on the bottom: a hand-
painted inventory labeling of indecipherable runic characters.
Pause.
GENERAL GIBSON
It's been inventoried.
General Gibson carefully places the rock back in position
precisely as it fell. He looks to the business executive, tense.
The business executive says immediately:
EXECUTIVE
Re-confiscate the projects.
General Gibson sighs. He strides back to his lectern/microphone
to address the group with urgent wariness:
GENERAL GIBSON
Under the provisions of National Security
Emergency Scrimmage Plan X: the lifting
of the quarantine (which I just
announced) is now canceled (or, at least,
postponed) due to the unexpected/new
event which just --
J.J. zaps the P.A. speaker with Clifford's electromagnetic death-
ray. It sizzles/pops/disappears. General Gibson test-taps the
dead microphone. The entire congregation erupts into a riot,
hurling chairs, knocking over tags and markers, tearing down the
banner, etc. Roger rockets up into the air on Ricky's jet-pack,
blasting and roaring above the fracas. Sandy throws
extraterrestrial rocks at soldiers. J.J. continues to zap pieces
of equipment. (Clifford and Shelly egg their parents on. Ricky
clings to the rope tether to prevent his father from rocketing
into the sky.) Andromeda, Pandora, and Cassiopeia cast spells,
swooshing wands, swishing glitter, jumping and shrieking.
Stanley laughs hysterically and keeps hold of them by their
sleeves, belts, and ribbons. The cowboys and ranch hands swing
lassos and holler. The schoolchildren scamper, ecstatic, in
every direction as June and the chaperones try to wrangle them.
The mechanic yelps as the box in his hands suddenly begins to
jump and twist. He drops it on the ground, and the box splits
open to reveal the peculiar assembly as it repeats its earlier
sputtering, squealing, scooting, etc. Woodrow adjusts a knob on
his device/project, gently shielding it from the hubbub. The
106.
moon hologram blinks on. Dinah looks up at the sky. Projected on
the surface of the actual moon itself: the initials "W.S. + D.C"
(inside the outline of a heart-shape). Woodrow and Dinah kiss, a
breathless/delirious clutch.
Augie stands immobile at the center of the chaos. He says to
Midge, at his side, internal-struggling:
AUGIE
Why does Augie burn his hand on the
Quicky-Griddle?
(simply)
I still don't understand the play.
Augie turns and walks briskly to the edge of the crater -- which
reveals itself to be a painted backdrop. He opens it (swinging
open, along with the rocky terrain, a small section of painted
mountains and sky). He exits.
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO. EVENING
Black and white.
The host stands on the theatre proscenium set (now seen from
backstage, behind plywood flats mounted on two-by-four joist-
frames). A door opens (unfinished plywood on one side, painted
crater/mountains/sky on the other) to reveal the actor playing
Augie (with bandage-wrapped hand). In the background (onstage):
the actors playing Midge, General Gibson, and Dr. Hickenlooper
watch, puzzled. Beyond them: footlights and darkness. The actor
closes the door.
The host hesitates. He asks the actor:
HOST
Where you going?
ACTOR/AUGIE
(pause)
I'll be right back.
The actor crosses into the wings, past a make-up table where the
actor playing the alien is in the process of applying his alien
prosthetics. Overheard (with the actress who plays Shelly) as we
pass:
ACTOR/ALIEN
I don't play him as an alien, actually. I
play him as a metaphor. That's my
interpretation.
ACTRESS/SHELLY
(vaguely interested)
Metaphor for what?
107.
ACTOR/ALIEN
(working on it)
I don't know yet.
The actor continues past a live television camera with a
confused operator assisted by a puzzled electrician and into the
makeshift bedroom installation (unlit) where the director lies
sleeping on his folding bunk. The actor stands and says,
insistent:
ACTOR/AUGIE
Schubert. Schubert. Schubert.
The lights come up on the set (slightly disorderly: too
bright/too dark, blinking on/off) and the director opens his
eyes. He bolts upright.
DIRECTOR
Huh? Yes! What's wrong?
(checks his watch)
Are you on?
ACTOR/AUGIE
Technically, but General Gibson just
started the scene where the president
doesn't accept his resignation. I've got
six-and-a-half minutes before my next
line. I need an answer to a question I
want to ask.
DIRECTOR
(pause)
OK.
ACTOR/AUGIE
Am I doing him right?
Long pause. The director twists and sets his bare feet onto the
floor. He answers as he stands up, stretches, then slides a
chair from across the room over to the bedside:
DIRECTOR
Well, I told you before: there's too much
business. With the pipe, with the
lighter, with the camera, with the
eyebrow; but, aside from that, on the
whole, in answer to your question --
The director directs the actor to sit in the chair. The actor
sits. The director kneels on the floor in front of the actor and
says, looking into the actor's eyes with his undivided
attention:
108.
DIRECTOR
-- you're doing him just right. In fact,
in my opinion, you didn't just become
Augie: he became you.
ACTOR/AUGIE
I feel lost.
DIRECTOR
Good!
ACTOR/AUGIE
I still don't understand the play.
DIRECTOR
Good!
ACTOR/AUGIE
He's such a wounded guy. He had
everything he wanted -- then lost it.
Before he even noticed! I feel like my
heart is getting broken. My own, personal
heart. Every night.
DIRECTOR
Good!
ACTOR/AUGIE
Do I just keep doing it?
DIRECTOR
Yes!
ACTOR/AUGIE
Without knowing anything?
DIRECTOR
Yes!
ACTOR/AUGIE
Isn't there supposed to be some kind of
answer? Out there in the cosmic
wilderness. Woodrow's line about the
meaning of life?
DIRECTOR
"Maybe there is one!"
ACTOR/AUGIE
Right. Well, that's my question. I still
don't understand the play.
109.
DIRECTOR
It doesn't matter. Just keep telling the
story. You're doing him right.
ACTOR/AUGIE
(pause)
I need a breath of fresh air.
DIRECTOR
(checks his watch)
OK: but you won't find one.
The director crawls back into bed as the actor exits the
makeshift bedroom installation. Camera moves past a booth at the
stage door, through the exterior wall of the building to:
EXT. ALLEY
Outside in an alley between the docks of two adjacent theatres.
(Half-seen marquees read: "Asteroid City" and "Fruit of a
Withering Vine.") A delicate snowfall dusts the air. Whizzing
taxis zip through the background. The actor closes the stage
door and stands on a fire escape a short ladder's flight above a
row of trash cans. He takes out Augie's pipe and starts to light
it -- then pauses, puts it back into his pocket, and produces a
pack of cigarettes, instead. He lights one. An off-screen voice
says:
ACTRESS/WIFE (O.S.)
Hello.
The actor looks side to side, up and down, then across the alley
-- where he sees, smoking a cigarette on a similar fire escape
next to a similar stage door: the actress in the photograph of
Woodrow's mother/Augie's deceased wife. She is dressed in
Elizabethan costume with starched ruff-collar. The actor
hesitates.
ACTOR/AUGIE
Oh! It's you. The wife who played my
actress.
The actress nods. Pause.
ACTRESS/WIFE
My scene was cut after one rehearsal.
The actor nods. He shrugs.
ACTOR/AUGIE
We still use your photograph.
The actress thinks. Pause.
110.
ACTRESS/WIFE
Do you remember the dialogue?
The actor thinks. Pause.
ACTOR/AUGIE
No.
The actor and actress puff on their cigarettes. Pause.
ACTRESS/WIFE
We meet in a dream on the alien's planet.
The actor remembers. He nods.
ACTOR/AUGIE
Magnavox-27. Actually, it's one of the
moons of it.
Pause. The actress recites (with precision and feeling):
ACTRESS/WIFE
You say: "Did you talk to the alien?" I
say: "Not yet." You say: "Why not? I
thought for sure you would've yelled at
him or made him laugh." I say: "Or asked
him the secrets of the universe?" You
say: "Exactly!" I say: "I think he's
shy." You say: "So's Woodrow, but I'm
sure he'll grow out of it. I mean, at
least, I hope he will. Without a mother."
I say: "He's a late bloomer -- but maybe,
I think, you'll need to replace me." You
say: "What? Why? How? I can't." I say:
"Maybe, I think, you'll need to try. I'm
not coming back, Augie." Then you take a
picture of me and start crying, and I
say: "I hope it comes out."
The actor nods. He remembers the last line:
ACTOR/AUGIE
And I say: "All my pictures come out."
(pause)
Good memory. Why'd they cut it?
ACTRESS/WIFE
(shrugs)
Running time? Now I'm First Lady-in-
Waiting to the Queen Consort in "Fruit of
a Withering Vine."
The door cracks open. The actor playing the motel manager leans
out and says abruptly:
111.
ACTOR/MOTEL MANAGER
You missed your cue! June and the cowboy
are already necking in the station wagon.
They're bandaging the understudy's hand
right now.
The actor throws away his cigarette and darts inside. The door
slams behind him. The actor playing the motel manager lingers.
He takes out a cigarette and says:
ACTOR/MOTEL MANAGER
Oh! It's you. We almost would've had a
scene together. Hello.
Across the alley: the actress nods and smiles as she continues
to smoke. Camera leaves her and the actor playing Stanley behind
as it dollies away across the television soundstage to:
INT. PLAYWRIGHT'S DESK
Seated at his little desk, clacking at his typewriter, spotlit
in the darkness: the playwright. The host, also spotlit,
explains:
HOST
Six months into the run, the company
received the news: a catastrophic
automobile accident. Conrad Earp,
American playwright unequaled in passion
and imagination, dead at fifty.
The playwright stops typing and looks to camera. Lights/sound
slowly fade from him as he speaks -- while, behind him,
lights/sound come up on the rehearsal space (Saltzburg Keitel's
classroom).
PLAYWRIGHT
I'd like to make a scene where all my
characters are each gently/privately
seduced into the deepest, dreamiest
slumber of their lives as a result of
their shared experience of a bewildering
and bedazzling celestial mystery...
The students pick up their improvisations exactly where they
left off: yawning, snoring, sleepwalking/sleeptalking, tossing
and turning, singing a lullaby, thumbsucking with a security
blanket, etc. The playwright joins the acting teacher and the
director, observing. Eventually, out of the hullaballoo, the
actor who plays Augie says from the back of the room:
ACTOR/AUGIE
You can't wake up if you don't fall
asleep.
112.
Other actors murmur a response: "What's that mean?" "So what?"
"Who said it?" More snoring/tossing/singing, etc. The actress
who plays Shelly now says loudly:
ACTRESS/SHELLY
You can't wake up if you don't fall
asleep.
Another round of responses, more forceful: "That's not true!"
"Who cares?" "Say it again!" The actor who plays the mechanic
now says loudly:
ACTOR/MECHANIC
You can't wake up if you don't fall
asleep.
The other students, on their feet, raise their voices: "Maybe
not?" "Why should you?" "Of course!" The actors who play Roger
and Montana shout together:
ACTOR/ROGER ACTOR/MONTANA
You can't wake up if you don't You can't wake up if you don't
fall asleep! fall asleep!
ACTRESS/MIDGE
(nodding)
You can't wake up if you don't fall
asleep!
The teacher's face lights up. He murmurs: "Infinity -- and I
don't know what else!" He grabs the playwright's hand and joins
the chant, exuberant:
TEACHER
You can't wake up if you don't fall
asleep!
The playwright laughs, confused/enchanted. The director and all
the other students, jolting from place to place around the room,
repeat the chant, first chaotic, then in unison, over and over --
as the alien himself (now fully made-up, with inventoried
meteorite tucked under his arm) emerges from the pandemonium
(ignored by everyone) and moves to the front of the stage. The
lights dim to half-level on the shouting/uproarious classroom
with the alien alone in bright spotlight. The host, nearby,
watching, turns to camera. He smiles.
EXT. HIGHWAY. DAY
Widescreen/color.
The town: deserted. No barricades. No roadblocks. No guards,
cars, jeeps. No press. No public. No vendors, vans, campers. No
"Asteroid City Alien Special" passenger train. Only: fluttering
113.
litter, empty bottles, and hundreds of tire tracks cross-
hatching the barren outskirts. The only remaining people: a crew
of two men at work breaking down the Ferris wheel. A single sign
on a post has been amended to read:
Strict Quarantine!
LIFTED
by order of
the United States Military-science
Research and Experimentation Division
INT. MOTEL CABINS #9/10. DAY
Cabin #10: the roller-blind zings open once again on Augie's
makeshift darkroom. Augie, dressed in pajamas, lights his pipe
and looks across/into the bathroom window of Cabin #9. The motel
manager (reviewing a clipboard check-list) inspects for dust
while a maid (off-screen) runs a vacuum cleaner. The occupants
have moved out. Augie squints. He says suddenly:
AUGIE
Where'd they go?
The motel manager looks up. He sees Augie. He smiles and
approaches the window as he says brightly:
MOTEL MANAGER
Good morning, Mr. Steenbeck! Juice
preference? Apple, orange, or tomato.
AUGIE
(looking left/right)
Where'd they go? Everybody.
MOTEL MANAGER
(hesitates)
Of course, I understand. The president
lifted the quarantine, after all. At
midnight! He sent the whole gang home.
The troops, the cowboys, the Junior
Stargazers and Space Cadets. Even the
lookie-loos. You're free to return --
back to wherever you came from. (Maybe
he's going to change his mind, but nobody
stuck around to find out.) We had eleven
check-outs this morning.
(cheerily)
I guess you overslept. They returned your
science projects, by the way.
The motel manager points to Woodrow's project, boxed/crated, on
the doorstep. A label reads: "PROPERTY of the LARKINGS
114.
Foundation (on permanent loan to Woodrow Steenbeck)." Long
pause. Augie says finally:
AUGIE
Tomato.
MOTEL MANAGER
Right away!
Camera dollies from Augie's bathroom/darkroom window to his
bedroom window. Inside: the three sisters sleep in one bed while
Stanley and Woodrow each occupy a folding cot. They are all five
sprawled, snoring, tangled in sheets, etc. Augie appears in the
doorway and watches/listens for a moment.
EXT. MOTEL CABIN #10. DAY
In the alley behind the cabin: Stanley, also in pajamas,
crouching on his knees, attempts to dig in the ground with a
gardener's trowel while Andromeda, Pandora, and Cassiopeia, in
nightgowns, gasp and shriek, blocking him. The partially
unearthed Tupperware salad bowl pokes up from the dirt. Stanley
and Woodrow watch, solemn. In the background: Stanley's parked
Eldorado. Stanley defends his actions:
STANLEY
The plan was to shovel it up and take her
with us. Like I said: we'll exhume the
Tupperware. We don't have any burial
rights to this plot here.
AUGIE
(interjecting)
I would question whether it even is a
plot.
STANLEY
(sharply)
It isn't.
Stanley attempts to resume his digging. The girls, once again,
go into a frenzied panic:
CASSIOPEIA PANDORA
Don't murder my mother's body! He's killing her ashes!
Stanley stops/freezes. Andromeda commands him:
ANDROMEDA
Let us pray.
Silence. The motel manager appears at some distance with a glass
of tomato juice on a tray. He pauses, puzzled. Andromeda
screams:
115.
ANDROMEDA
Poppy!
The motel manager disappears. Stanley, spirit crushed, presses
on:
STANLEY
Ugh. Dear Heavenly Father, we thank Thee
for the life of this magnificent woman,
who was once just a little girl like
these three -- witches? In-training.
The girls murmur their corrections: "Not in training." "Real
witches." "Part-witch, part-alien." Stanley continues:
STANLEY
Like these three witches, at one time. We
had no intention of permanently burying
her next to this unmarked cactus, but I
no longer have the strength to fight for
her dignity, nor/neither does Augie. (Do
you?)
AUGIE
No.
STANLEY
So we'll defer to the wishes of her
stubborn daughters. Woodrow? Any final
farewell.
WOODROW
I don't believe in God anymore.
Stanley takes this in stride. He shrugs.
STANLEY
Fair enough. Amen.
"Amens" all around. The three sisters avidly re-bury the
Tupperware and stamp down the dusty surface. Tears stream down
Stanley's and Augie's faces. Woodrow holds his father's hand.
The girls arrange flowers around the gravesite and repeat their
whispered incantation: "Friskity, triskity, briskity, boo;
knickerty, knockerty, tockerty, too..."
INT. LUNCHEONETTE. DAY
The chime jingles as Augie, Stanley, Woodrow, and the three
sisters enter. Augie says to the waitress:
AUGIE
Five orders of flapjacks and two black
coffees.
116.
The waitress nods and scribbles. The cook snatches down the
order-slip. The family sits.
AUGIE
Who needs to pee?
The girls respond with their unconvincing chorus: "Not me." "I
don't." "Nobody needs to pee." The waitress asks them:
WAITRESS
How about a glass of strawberry milk?
The girls perk up. They nod and "uh-huh" eagerly. The waitress
sets to work preparing the beverages. The girls change their
minds: "I do need to pee." "Where's the powder room?" "Let's
go." They scramble away, out the door, around the side of the
building. Augie tamps his pipe. Woodrow writes in his notebook.
A thought occurs to Stanley:
STANLEY
Did somebody win? That scholarship.
WOODROW
(without looking up)
I did.
AUGIE
(surprised)
When?
WOODROW
Last night. General Gibson slipped it to
me in line at the communal showers. I
think he just wanted to get it over with.
It's actually a standard-sized check of
typical dimensions. The big one's only
for show.
Woodrow digs into his pocket. He produces/hands over a normal-
sized check for $5000. Augie says, enormously excited:
AUGIE
Congratulations, Woodrow. That's
stupendous!
STANLEY
(deeply impressed)
You must be some kind of genius.
AUGIE
I agree.
117.
STANLEY
(rephrasing it)
You must be some kind of -- "Brainiac."
Woodrow smiles, good-natured, and goes back to his notebook.
Stanley stares at the check for a moment and asks:
STANLEY
Has it got any strings attached to it?
It's made out to you, personally. How you
plan to use it?
Woodrow takes back the check. He examines it. He shrugs.
WOODROW
Probably spend it on my girlfriend.
Woodrow re-pockets the check and returns to his notebook. Augie
and Stanley exchange a look. Stanley asks Woodrow, curious:
STANLEY
What do you write? In that little book.
Woodrow looks at Stanley briefly (not sure he can trust him). He
shows him a page.
WOODROW
Next year's project. Confidentially.
Stanley and Augie study the notebook. They look utterly
fascinated. They mutter simultaneously, concentrating:
AUGIE STANLEY
Wow. Is that possible? Gee whiz. Look at that.
Woodrow withdraws the notebook suddenly. He resumes his work.
The waitress appears with a little slip of paper (folded in
half) which she slides to Augie.
WAITRESS
Midge Campbell left you her address.
(It's just a post office box.)
Augie raises an eyebrow. He nods. He opens the slip of paper and
reads. He and Stanley exchange another/different look. Stanley
leans to Augie and whispers something inaudible into his ear.
Augie says, taken aback:
AUGIE
That's none of your business, Stanley.
STANLEY
I know. Of course, it isn't. (I only ask
because Woodrow told me Dinah told him.)
(more)
118.
STANLEY (cont'd)
I went to law school with her former
agent. Anyway: I don't object.
(encouraging)
She's actually a very gifted comedienne.
Long pause. Augie says sadly/gladly/genuinely:
AUGIE
That's true.
A distant boom shudders the building (once again). Only Stanley
reacts, alarmed. Down the counter, the cashier dismisses the
matter:
CASHIER
Another atom bomb test.
Stanley hesitates. He nods slowly. Breakfast continues.
EXT. HIGHWAY. DAY
The blacktop interstate. At the meteor crater: the radio
telescopes continue their perpetual spinning. At the filling
station: there are now two station wagons on blocks in the
adjacent small junkyard. At the chopped-off elevated highway-
spur: the sounds of approaching sirens, motors, gunshots; then
the Chevy (still dragging its muffler, which pops off and
spirals into the air) roars through, down the highway, pursued
by the state trooper and motorcycle police. At the motor court
hotel: the gardener/handyman finishes replacing the letters on
his sign which now reads: "Welcome to Alien Landing, U.S.A.
Limited quantity of land parcels still available." (In the
background, beyond the mountains, a mushroom cloud lingers in
the sky.) At the luncheonette: Augie, Stanley, Woodrow, and the
three girls climb into the Eldorado, now overflowing with boxes
and luggage. The waitress, standing in the doorway, drying her
hands on her apron, nods goodbye.
At the railroad crossing, beyond the covered-wagon sign: the
warning bell rings as a freight train passes through (opposite
direction from opening scene); and finally the Eldorado pulls
up, waits for the caboose to clear, then drives away, into the
hot desert.
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