BOOKWORM
Written by
Toby Harvard
EXT. SUBURBAN BACK YARD -- NIGHT
A crackly LP plays on a turntable somewhere. Items in a
tomboy's lair as CREDITS roll -- maps on the walls, stacks
and stacks of books, folk LP's, framed photos of New
Zealand's wilderness, a bonsai tree, well-loved toys...
MILDRED (11, red-cheeked, bespectacled) at the window, looks
through binoculars, into the backyard:
Where a chunk of raw beef glistens under a BEER-CRATE TRAP,
held up by a stick with a rope attached, held by Mildred.
MILDRED
Come on... dinner is served. Come
on, you little bugger...
She lowers the binoculars, glancing over to the TV.
ON THE TV SCREEN
A NEWS ANCHORWOMAN (20s) sits at a desk, a graphic of a BLACK
PANTHER behind her as she addresses camera --
ANCHORWOMAN (ON TV)
The hunt is on for a mysterious
black cat prowling the wilds of
Canterbury. This time, the beast
was seen by Brian Thomas, a
Canterbury farmer. Sarah Bruce
reports.
MILDRED'S POV -- through binoculars again -- as a DOMESTIC
BLACK CAT is spotted moving slowly against the fence. The
view whips to the TRAP, then back to the approaching cat.
ON TV -- The image CUTS to rapid-fire shots: a field -- sheep
-- a grassy hillside --
REPORTER (V.O.)
Brian was fixing a fence when he
saw the creature, a moment he says
he'll never forget.
CUT to a FARMER (50s) interviewed on camera --
FARMER (ON TV)
It just looked like a big black
cat. Like a normal house cat, but
really big, actually huge, just
like a really extra-big black cat
with big yellow eyes and big teeth.
Big, sharp, kind of jagged teeth.
My sheep are alright though.
MILDRED'S POV through the binoculars -- the cat creeps
towards her trap...
2.
ANCHORWOMAN (O.S.)
The reward offered for video proof
of the mysterious creature is now
at 50,000 dollars.
Mildred carefully places the binoculars down, clasping both
hands on the rope.
From somewhere in the house, Mildred's mother calls out --
MOTHER (O.S.)
Mildred! You want anything to eat?
Mildred acknowledges this, but her eyes are locked on the
cat, calling out in a strained shout --
MILDRED
Mum, be quiet..!
MOTHER (O.S.)
What!? Can't hear you!
The cat stops still, ears twitching...
MILDRED
(whisper-shout)
Can you make me some toast!?
Mildred's mother ZO (40) peers around the door, cigarette
clenched `twixt her teeth --
ZO
Sure, love. I know how you like it.
Razor-sharp triangles. No crust.
MILDRED
That's right.
ZO
One thing though, Mildred...
Mildred looks back at her, patience dwindling --
MILDRED
What? I'm in the middle of
something here...
ZO
What are the magic words?
Mildred hurriedly steals a glance back at the cat --
MILDRED
Please..?
ZO
That's the magic word, singular.
What are the magic words, plural?
3.
MILDRED
Mum, can't you see I'm busy trying
to catch Jonesie in an intricate
home-made trap?
ZO
And why in the name of buggery
would you want to trap our poor
sweet innocent cat?
MILDRED
Practice.
ZO
For?
MILDRED
For the Panthera Pardus that's been
haunting our wilderness of late.
You may know him by his nom de
plume, The Canterbury Panther?
ZO
Panthera Pardus. Nom de plume. You
sure do know a crapload of words,
don't you, young lady?
MILDRED
I'm a card-carrying bookworm. So
yes, I sure do know a crapload of
words.
ZO
But do you know the magic words?
Say them and I'll bugger off and
make your bloody toast triangles.
MILDRED
(sighs, resigned)
I .. love .. you.
ZO
Go on?
MILDRED
... with all .. my heart.
ZO
There. Was that so difficult?
MILDRED
Yes. It was, actually.
Zo rolls her eyes, and heads off downstairs.
Mildred returns her attention to the action outside. The cat
is now sniffing the meat under the crate. Mildred gets ready
to pull the rope...
4.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Come on... that's it...
Right then -- THE TV AND LIGHTS SHUT OFF. A POWERCUT,
throwing the room into pitch DARKNESS.
OUTSIDE -- the cat gets spooked, bounding off.
MILDRED (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Oh, wonderful. Fan-bloody-tastic.
That's just great.
(calls out)
Mum!? What happened? Mum?!
In the darkness -- drawers opened, rummaged through, and --
A FLASHLIGHT blinks on, held by Mildred. She heads towards
the doorway, path illuminated by the light's thin beam.
INT. CORRIDOR
Mildred steps out of her room, the light's beam sweeping --
MILDRED
Mum!?
No reply.
INT. STAIRWAY
Mildred hurries down a corridor --
MILDRED
Mum!? What are you doing?
INT. HALLWAY
Mildred steps into a cramped hallway, flashlight roaming --
MILDRED
Mum, come on. This is not amusing.
I am not amused! Let's be grownups,
shall we?
(then)
I swear, if you sneak up on me
again... I'll pee myself, and
you'll have to clean it up.
The flashlight's beam finds -- In a DOORWAY AHEAD --
ZO'S BARE FEET, twitching, convulsing on the floor.
Mildred freezes, face falling in shock and fear.
5.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Mum..?
HARD CUT TO:
INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR
Mildred sits outside an operating room. Foot tapping. Eyes
wide and scared.
A DOCTOR (40s) exits the room, taking a seat beside Mildred.
Mildred looks at them. Fearful, hopeful. The Doctor pauses,
choosing the right words. Then --
DOCTOR
It's Mildred, isn't it?
(Mildred nods)
My darling, I have some good news
and I have some bad news.
Mildred winces, truly scared, bracing herself...
DOCTOR (CONT'D)
The bad news is... you're going to
need a new toaster.
(smiles)
The good news is... you're not
going to need a new mum.
Mildred just looks at The Doctor, puzzled, petrified.
DOCTOR (CONT'D)
Your toaster exploded. An
electrical malfunction of some
kind. I'm not an electrician, so I
can't really go into the specifics.
You know the button you push down
to begin the toasting process?
Mildred nods. The Doctor adjusts their glasses.
DOCTOR (CONT'D)
That button was faulty, which
caused your mum to get quite the
shock, which caused her body to
become like jelly, which caused her
to fall backwards, which caused her
to hit her head against the bench,
which caused her to go into a coma.
MILDRED
(stunned)
A coma..?
6.
DOCTOR
She's not dead. But she's not fully
alive either. She's in a kind of
dreamlike netherworld between life--
MILDRED
I know what a coma is. Can you save
her?
DOCTOR
Now you listen to me carefully,
Mildred. I'm not talking as doctor
to child right now. No. This is
Woman to Woman. Sister to sister.
Soul to--
MILDRED
(impatient)
Can you save her? Yes or no.
DOCTOR
Yes. We can, and we will. But she
has something called a brain bleed.
So we're going to keep her under
for a at least a week until she
stabilizes.
MILDRED
A week? She's supposed to be taking
me camping tomorrow. She finally
took some time off work, she... she
promised...
The Doctor shakes their head sadly. Mildred sighs.
DOCTOR
My poor darling. I'm afraid camping
will have to wait. But first things
first... Where's your dad?
Mildred looks mortified. From somewhere, a DOORBELL CHIMES
"Somewhere Over The Rainbow" as we --
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY -- DAY
A middle-aged woman with very curly red hair, DOTTY, opens a
front door to reveal --
STRAWN WISE (40), Mildred's father, on the doorstep. He's an
illusionist with a dated look. Leather jacket, trilby,
eyeshadow, black fingernails, reptile-skin suitcase.
STRAWN
Hi. I'm Strawn. Strawn Wise.
Mildred's... biological father.
7.
DOTTY
The magician.
STRAWN
Illusionist.
(beat)
Magician sounds... cheap?
Silence. Dotty eyes Strawn up and down.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Can I come in?
DOTTY
Can I see some I.D?
STRAWN
I.D?
DOTTY
It stands for Identification
Document.
Strawn considers this, lips curling into a knowing smirk.
STRAWN
I'd love to show you some I.D, but
there's a problem. You see, you
currently have my I.D.
DOTTY
I have it?
STRAWN
That's right.
DOTTY
What do you mean, mate?
STRAWN
You have my I.D.
DOTTY
I do? Where?
Strawn reaches out towards her hair -- he yanks his hand away
fast, revealing his PASSPORT. Dotty looks at it, impressed --
DOTTY (CONT'D)
I have to say. Normally I find
magicians skin-crawlingly
embarrassing, but you're actually
half decent.
Dotty takes the passport, looking at the photo, satisfied.
DOTTY (CONT'D)
Access granted. Shoes off!
8.
INT. HALLWAY
Strawn enters, setting his suitcase down, kicking his
platform boots off. Dotty looks to him, suddenly serious --
DOTTY
Look, mate. Just so you know. I
didn't hug the girl. Even though
Lord knows she needs one.
STRAWN
I'm sorry, what?
DOTTY
Your daughter. I specifically
didn't hug her.
STRAWN
Why?
DOTTY
I just... I've heard so many horror
stories. You can't be too careful,
with other peoples' kids, these
days... Touching them. Even hugs
are a no-go.
STRAWN
I guess so.
DOTTY
My cousin Geoffrey was a teacher at
the local school here. One day he
hugged a little girl who'd grazed
her knee. Guess what?
STRAWN
What?
DOTTY
The girl's parents pressed charges.
Old Geoffrey lost his job. He'll
never teach again.
STRAWN
That's awful.
DOTTY
Yeah, he went downhill after that.
Ended up putting both barrels of a
shotgun in his gob.
STRAWN
Jesus. I'm so sorry.
DOTTY
It's alright. He didn't pull the
trigger.
9.
STRAWN
Oh. That's good.
DOTTY
No it's not. He hung himself after
that.
STRAWN
Oh no. Oh, I am so, so sorry.
DOTTY
It's okay. The rope broke.
Strawn cringes, awaiting more horror.
STRAWN
Is he...
DOTTY
Dead?
(Strawn nods)
No. He's very much alive.
STRAWN
Okay. That's great.
DOTTY
No it's not, mate. He's in jail for
20 years.
(whispered)
They found his hard drive. And
let's just say there's no smoke
without fire.
Strawn shakes his head, depressed. Dotty claps her hands
together, forcing a smile.
DOTTY (CONT'D)
Right, mate. I'm off. Take care of
the girl. She's in there, glued to
a book as always. I'm next door on
the right if you need anything.
STRAWN
Yeah. Thanks.
Dotty slips her flip-flops on, and leaves.
Strawn inhales sharply, steeling himself, heading into --
INT. LIVING ROOM
Strawn steps into the room, looking at Mildred, who's slumped
on the sofa, engrossed in a Willard Price book.
10.
STRAWN
Mildred. It's me. Strawn. Your Dad.
I just flew across the world to be
with you, little lady.
(silence)
I'm sorry about your mom. But she's
going to be okay. It's official.
Mildred looks up at last.
MILDRED
A licensed medical professional has
officially told you she's
officially going to be okay? Is
that what you mean by official?
STRAWN
Well... no, what I mean is... you
know, she's going to be okay.
I'm sure she is.
(unsure)
I'm pretty sure.
Mildred raises an eyebrow... and returns to her book. Strawn
just stands there, thinking.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Hey. Want to see something amazing?
Mildred turns a page, ignoring him.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
I said, do you want to see
something amazing?
Mildred sighs. She sets her book down on the sofa. She looks
up at Strawn, wearily.
MILDRED
Does it take a long time?
STRAWN
No.
MILDRED
Fine. Show me something amazing.
Strawn steps towards Mildred, pulling a deck of cards from
his back pocket. He shuffles the cards, fanning them out.
He extends the cards, faces down, towards Mildred.
STRAWN
Pick a card. Go on.
Mildred selects a card with the minimum enthusiasm possible.
11.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Look at it. Don't show it to me.
Mildred looks at the card. She nods.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Now, put it back.
Mildred returns the card to the deck. Strawn shuffles the
cards, theatrically. With great ceremony, he picks a card - 3
of Diamonds - showing it to Mildred with smug triumph.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Is this your card?
MILDRED
No.
STRAWN
What? For a second, it sounded like
you said no.
MILDRED
It sounded like I said no because I
did, indeed, say no.
STRAWN
No..?
MILDRED
Yes. By which I mean no. As in: No,
it's not my card.
Strawn looks confused. He shuffles the cards again. Mildred
watches, nonplussed, losing patience.
Strawn takes another card - Queen of Clubs - from the deck,
presenting it to Mildred with a satisfied grin.
STRAWN
Okay. Is this your card?
MILDRED
I'm afraid it's not.
STRAWN
What?
MILDRED
I'm afraid it's not... sir?
Strawn takes another card from the deck - Six of Diamonds -
and raises it to Mildred, confidence dwindling...
STRAWN
Is this your card?
12.
MILDRED
I can lie and say yes, if that
helps? I understand if you're
feeling... a little fragile...
Strawn picks another card, frustration simmering...
STRAWN
This?
MILDRED
No. I'm sorry.
STRAWN
Jesus. This?
Strawn pulls another card, jaw clenched.
MILDRED
Look, Mr. Wise, you just got off an
eighteen-hour flight, and I'm sure
you're--
STRAWN
God damn it!
Strawn THROWS the deck of cards at the window -- they bounce
off, fluttering to the floor... and we now see --
A single CARD - Ace of Hearts - stuck to the OUTSIDE of the
window, as if by magic.
Strawn smiles, his frustration just an act after all.
He looks to Mildred, who regards the card on the window.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Now... kindly remove your jaw from
the floor, and tell me. Is that
your card?
Strawn smiles, expectantly. Mildred' brow furrows. Silence.
MILDRED
Right. Before I get to whether that
was or wasn't my card, let me get
one thing straight.
STRAWN
What's that?
MILDRED
Am I right in assuming you snuck
into the back garden to glue that
card to the window, before
scrambling back around to the front
of the house to ring the doorbell?
13.
STRAWN
What? No, it's... it's called
magic. I used the power of magic.
MILDRED
(ignoring that)
Did you, or did you not?
Savage silence. Strawn's cheeks redden.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Come on, I won't be angry with you.
I just want you to tell me the
truth.
STRAWN
(admonished)
Fine. Yeah. I did.
MILDRED
How did you get back there?
STRAWN
I went round the alley at the end
of the street. Then I had to climb
over two garden fences.
MILDRED
So... you trespassed on private
property?
STRAWN
I mean... I guess I did? I didn't
really think of it that way, but...
MILDRED
I'm struggling to comprehend why
you'd think that was acceptable
behavior. I can only assume the
trespassing laws in America are
considerably more relaxed than they
are here.
Strawn looks to the card on the window, then back to Mildred.
STRAWN
That is your card, though.
(unsure)
Right?
Strawn sags a little. Mildred looks at him, with pity.
MILDRED
No.
STRAWN
It is your card.
14.
MILDRED
No, it's not.
STRAWN
It is.
MILDRED
You appear to have misheard me the
previous two times, so I'll say it
again: It. Is. Not. My. Card.
STRAWN
Of course it is.
MILDRED
Fine. I give up. It's my card.
Spectacular magic trick. Bravo.
Does that make you feel better?
STRAWN
Are you being sarcastic?
Strawn looks confused. Painful ugly silence befalls them.
Mildred returns to her book. Strawn scratches his head,
defeated. Then, after some pause --
STRAWN (CONT'D)
How about you show me your room?
INT. BEDROOM
The door opens. Mildred steps in, followed by Strawn, who
takes in the decor --
STRAWN
I can't say I spend much time in
eleven year-old girls' bedrooms,
but this isn't what I expected.
MILDRED
What did you expect? A pink
dollhouse? Pictures of princesses
and palaces and horsies?
STRAWN
Basically.
MILDRED
What was on your walls when you
were eleven?
STRAWN
A lot of David Copperfield posters.
15.
MILDRED
(surprised)
Wait. You like David Copperfield?
STRAWN
Like? More like love.
MILDRED
Same. I'm borderline obsessed, to
tell the truth.
STRAWN
David Copperfield was my life
growing up.
MILDRED
(warming)
Okay, so we have something in
common. This is a good start.
STRAWN
(smiles)
A really good start.
MILDRED
What are the odds of us having the
exact same favorite book?
Strawn frowns, confused.
STRAWN
No, no. I'm talking about David
Copperfield... the illusionist from
the 1990s?
MILDRED
Oh. I'm talking about David
Copperfield, the Charles Dickens
novel from the 1840s.
STRAWN
Oh. I have no idea what that is.
Silence, as if the very air has been sucked out of the room.
MILDRED
I guess we don't have anything in
common, after all.
Strawn squirms. He looks around, noticing --
An area of the wall covered in news clippings, depicting the
mysterious PANTHER. A prominent headline: "REWARD FOR PANTHER
PROOF NOW $50,000".
He steps closer, taking in the deluge of information she's
compiled: photos, clippings, maps with triangulated red pins.
16.
STRAWN
What is this?
MILDRED
The Canterbury Panther. Something
of an obsession lately. There have
been sightings for decades, but
nobody's ever caught it on camera.
They're offering fifty thousand for
actual video proof of its
existence.
Strawn nods, impressed.
STRAWN
I don't really understand New
Zealand money. Is that a lot of
money?
MILDRED
Yes. It's a lot of money. Money mum
and I could really use right now.
(sighs)
She was supposed to take me camping
tomorrow. I had it all worked out.
I've gone through all historical
data, studied the weather patterns
and the terrain, and calculated the
most likely location for an
appearance from the mysterious
beast.
Mildred looks gloomy. Her finger traces an area of desolate
wilderness on the map.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Oh well.
Strawn thinks. He sees the real sadness, fear and
disappointment in Mildred's eyes. He speaks up --
STRAWN
I mean... I could take you, maybe?
MILDRED
Really?
STRAWN
Sure. It might your mind off
everything happening with your mom.
Not that I know the first thing
about camping. I've never been. But
maybe we could go, just quickly..?
MILDRED
(brightening)
Are you sure?
17.
Strawn notices more NEWS CLIPPINGS, about missing campers who
have vanished in the NZ wilderness. Newspaper headlines:
"HIKER IN HORROR FALL FROM CLIFF", "CAMPERS WASHED AWAY IN
FLOOD", "VANISHED: 700 MISSING IN NZ WILD THIS YEAR".
He suddenly looks scared, backtracking...
STRAWN
You know... now that I think about
it, I don't know if it's such a
great idea.
Mildred looks at him, intense.
MILDRED
We leave at first light.
Strawn looks anxious.
CUT TO BLACK:
EXT. REMOTE BUS STOP -- DAWN
A bus pulls up at a desolate stop. The door hisses open.
Strawn and Mildred, carrying large back-packs, step off.
The bus door shudders closed. It drives off, kicking up dust.
Strawn looks down at Mildred, unsure. But she nods sagely.
MILDRED
Stick with me, you'll be fine.
She sets out across the road, determined. Strawn calls out --
STRAWN
You know where we're going, right?
No answer. Strawn hurries across the road, following her into
EXT. HIKING TRAIL
Mildred, map in hand, marches ahead.
Strawn lags behind, struggling under the weight of his
backpack. Suddenly, a woman's VOICE calls from somewhere --
VOICE (O.S.)
Hey! I know you!
Strawn and Mildred stop, turning to see a smiling HIKER (20s)
approaching. She wears an old-style fisherman's hat and spiky-
soled boots. This is ANNE.
18.
ANNE
I know you!
MILDRED
Who, me?
ANNE
(to Strawn)
No, you. You're Strawn Wise. The
magician.
Strawn smiles, trying to hide the thrill of being recognized.
STRAWN
Illusionist. But yes.
Anne moves closer - boundaries schmoundaries - arriving at
uncomfortable proximity to Strawn.
ANNE
I just knew it was you. And who's
this cute little nipper?
STRAWN
This is my biological daughter,
Mildred.
ANNE
Biological daughter, is she?
(to Mildred)
Hi there Mildred. I'm Anne.
MILDRED
You look like an Anne. That name
suits you. You have a perfect name-
to-face correspondence.
Anne smiles faintly, confused. The three of them stand there,
in awkward silence. Strawn and Mildred edge away from Anne.
But Anne steps forward, maintaining proximity.
ANNE
I used to watch your show when it
was on the telly.
STRAWN
Oh, thanks. Thank you. Really, that
means a lot.
ANNE
I used to watch it after my night
shift. It was on at 4am.
MILDRED
(interjecting)
Real prime-time stuff, then.
19.
ANNE
It's such a shame we don't get it
here anymore.
STRAWN
(hurt)
Nobody gets it anymore.
ANNE
What?
STRAWN
It's no longer running, here or
anywhere else. It was cancelled.
The network cancelled it. Halfway
through season one, actually. So...
I don't have a show any more.
ANNE
I guess that other guy sort of
hijacked the spotlight, a little
bit? Is that fair to say?
Strawn looks embarrassed. He glances at Mildred, who's
studying her map.
STRAWN
Who, David?
ANNE
Yeah. Never liked him, myself. Up
his own arse, from the looks of it.
STRAWN
Thanks. That's kind of you to say,
in a strange way.
Mildred yawns.
ANNE
Can you still levitate?
STRAWN
I certainly can.
ANNE
What are you waiting for? Go on.
STRAWN
What? Now? Here?
ANNE
Yeah, go on Strawn. Levitate for an
old fan.
Mildred folds her map up, pocketing it. She looks at her
watch, then at Strawn, patience dwindling.
20.
MILDRED
(to Strawn)
Is levitation a lengthy process?
I'm asking because we've got a lot
of ground to cover today.
STRAWN
(ignoring her)
Okay. Here we go...
Something seems to shift within Strawn -- some new persona
summoned, a surge of cocksure assurance...
STRAWN (CONT'D)
I feel the power, specifically in
my feet. I'm talking about the
power of levitation. Specifically.
Strawn closes his eyes, face solemn, concentrating. Mildred
looks at him, skeptical. Anne looks excited. Then --
Strawn's body begins to rise slightly. One of his feet does,
indeed, appear to be lifting off of the ground.
ANNE
(thrilled)
Holy crap..! Whoa. Is this actually
happening?
Strawn, eyes still closed, face clenched in determination,
seems to rise slightly higher.
ANNE (CONT'D)
He's actually bloody levitating!
Mildred looks at Strawn's feet, then to Anne --
MILDRED
No, he's not.
ANNE
What do you mean?
MILDRED
He's put all his weight on his back
foot, and he's lifting his front
foot off the ground, thus creating
the illusion of levitation from
your vantage point.
Anne walks around to Strawn's side, crouching down, leaning
close to inspect the position of his feet.
ANNE
Oh yeah. You're right.
Strawn opens his eyes and stops "levitating". His showman's
swagger crumbles. He looks at Anne with sheepish deflation.
21.
She looks back at him with disappointment and resentment.
ANNE (CONT'D)
Cheers, Strawn. Cheers for single-
handedly destroying my belief in
the power of magic. Much
appreciated.
STRAWN
Do you... want an autograph?
Anne looks utterly repulsed, but then relents.
ANNE
Yeah, go on.
CUT TO:
EXT. HIKING TRAIL
Mildred and Strawn trudge along a weathered path between
large overgrown bramble bushes. Mildred looks up at Strawn,
who looks vaguely upset.
MILDRED
Something on your mind?
STRAWN
No.
They walk on. Strawn thinks.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Okay, yeah. There actually is
something on my mind.
MILDRED
I thought there might be something
on your mind. It's why I asked if
there was something on your mind.
STRAWN
You didn't have to, you know...
shatter the illusion back there.
MILDRED
You were conning her with fake
magic. It was painful to watch.
STRAWN
You're a child, so maybe you can't
understand this, but people need
magic. It helps them cope.
22.
MILDRED
Hate to break it to you, but
putting all your weight on one foot
while raising the other foot
slightly off the ground isn't
helping anyone.
Strawn tries to think of a comeback.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
You'll have to pardon my bluntness.
I'm what's commonly referred to as
a "brutal realist".
STRAWN
A brutal realist who actually
believes there's a real giant
panther out here.
MILDRED
Panthers exist. Levitation doesn't.
That's the long and short of it,
I'm afraid.
Stalemate. They hike on in silence.
EXT. HILLSIDE
Mildred marches up a steep hill. Strawn lags behind, winded.
She turns, calling to him --
MILDRED
You alright there?
Strawn doubles over, gasping for air.
STRAWN
I just need to rest for a while.
He staggers to a rock, sitting, sighing. Mildred approaches.
MILDRED
When you're out of breath, the key
is to breathe.
STRAWN
Thanks. I had no idea.
MILDRED
In through the nose, out through
the mouth. There you go.
STRAWN
(winded)
Sorry. It's been a while since I
walked this much.
(MORE)
23.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Back at home, I usually get around
on an electric scooter. It's gold.
The wheels light up. I'm sorry.
MILDRED
That's quite alright. But I'm going
to impose a five-minute cap on our
breaks, going forward. We've got a
lot of terrain to cover today.
Strawn takes a swig of water from his bottle. Mildred looks
at the map, then at the sky, ruminating...
MILDRED (CONT'D)
We've got approximately four hours
til sundown. That ridiculous
"levitation" business cost us time.
Strawn looks self-conscious.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
I'm not having a go at you.
You weren't to know. But let's not
make a habit of levitating for
every Tom, Dick and Harry we
stumble across.
Strawn doesn't know how to respond.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Right, sounds like your respiration
is more or less regulated. Let's
get a move on, shall we? As I said,
we have a lot of ground to cover
today, much of it quite hilly.
Mildred sets off again, up the hill. Strawn gets up, deeply
regretting this whole enterprise.
EXT. VALLEY
As if from a hidden POV, through branches and shrubbery:
From afar, Strawn and Mildred make their way through a
verdant valley, like tiny ants.
CLOSER
They trudge along. Mildred is deep in a lecture.
STRAWN
Are there toilets here? You know,
the portable kind?
24.
MILDRED
No, Strawn. There are no toilets
here.
(then)
Wee-wees are a relatively simple
affair. But if you need what the
Germans call a Scheisser, I do ask
that you dig a hole.
STRAWN
Okay.
MILDRED
It's a delicate ecosystem out here,
and human feces can really throw
things off balance for the flora
and fauna in the area.
She admires the terrain, with a flicker of sadness.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
This is one of the last places on
Earth our species hasn't crapped
all over. I'd like to keep it that
way.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. HILLTOP
Strawn and Mildred sit on the grass overlooking the valley
below, eating sandwiches wrapped in tinfoil.
STRAWN
Peanut butter and jelly. What do
you think? Old Strawn's got some
sandwich-making skills?
MILDRED
Must be an American delicacy. Can't
say I'm a fan, myself. But calories
are calories, and they're in short
supply out here.
Strawn looks at her strangely.
STRAWN
You know, you don't talk like a...
MILDRED
Like a normal child?
STRAWN
I wasn't going to put it that way,
exactly... but yeah.
Mildred raises an eyebrow, looking out at the vista beyond.
25.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
My point is: you don't have to
dress everything up to sound more
sophisticated than you are.
MILDRED
Says the magician who insists on
being called an illusionist.
Strawn tries to think of a comeback. He can't.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Cheer up. We'll be home soon. You
can bugger off back to America, and
be free from your "biological
daughter" and her insufferable
verbal tics for another half-
decade.
Strawn looks deeply hurt.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Right. Let's move.
She gets up, heading out. Strawn watches, calling to her --
STRAWN
Do you even know where we're going?
EXT. HILLSIDE
They walk on. Strawn thinks a moment, debating whether or not
to ask... but does it anyway --
STRAWN
How are you finding school?
(delicately)
Are you... having a hard time
there?
MILDRED
(sharp)
Why would I be having a hard time
there, Strawn?
STRAWN
No, no, I didn't mean any--
MILDRED
If you must know, I'm top of my
class. Straight A's all the way.
I'm captain of the netball team,
and I've got so many trophies our
mantelpiece literally collapsed
under the weight. And believe it or
not, I was officially voted Most
Popular Girl In School last winter.
26.
Strawn's eyes widen slightly, impressed, relieved.
STRAWN
Wow.
MILDRED
My boyfriend, Clarence Hargreaves,
is the dreamiest guy in the entire
school - making me the envy of all
and sundry. He looks like Hercules
and his hair smells like apricot
jam.
(smiles)
"A hard time"... a hard time?
I have a hard time staying away
from the place. School is absolute
Heaven for me, academically,
athletically, and socially.
STRAWN
(surprised)
What? Really?
Mildred smirks bitterly, darkening.
MILDRED
No. Not really. I despise school
and everyone in it.
Mildred speeds up, itching to escape this conversation.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
We're bleeding daylight faster than
I'm comfortable with. Let's pick up
the pace, shall we?
Strawn watches her traipse off, suddenly gripped by sadness.
EXT. WOODS -- DUSK
Mildred and Strawn trudge through deep woods. The sun is
sinking through the tree-line, bathing them in amber half-
light. Strawn freezes, gasping when he sees --
A DEER CARCASS on the ground before them.
Mildred approaches the carcass -- nervous, glancing around.
STRAWN
Jesus...
Strawn notices deep bloody claw-marks on the deer.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Do you think--
27.
MILDRED
(whispered)
Yes, I do.
They eye the carcass, real shock and fear between them now.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
One false move out here, and that
could be us.
They both stand there, glancing around fearfully. Mildred
carefully reaches into her rucksack, taking out her camera.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
(whispered)
He's here... he's watching us.
STRAWN
Oh god...
Strawn edges closer to her, fear rising. As he does --
He steps on a twig, snapping it --
BUSHES rustle in the distance, the sound of paw-pads
receding, as an animal flees.
MILDRED
Bugger.
STRAWN
Sorry.
She lowers the camera, fuming. The woods fall silent.
EXT. LAKESIDE -- DUSK
The sun sets over a glorious glistening lake, shrouded by
snow-capped mountains.
At the lake's shore, Mildred works to erect a tent. Strawn
just stands there, uselessly. Mildred looks over to him --
MILDRED
Having fun? Must be nice, just
standing there idly like that,
soaking it all in.
STRAWN
Do you... want me to help?
MILDRED
I thought you'd never ask.
STRAWN
What can I do?
28.
MILDRED
You can start a fire.
Strawn looks lost.
STRAWN
How does one... do that?
MILDRED
It's shockingly simple, really.
You gather a load of dry wood, you
put it in a big old pile, and you
set it alight.
Strawn grits his teeth.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
I'd give you a tutorial, but, at
present, I'm slightly in the middle
of putting up our bloody tent.
Strawn sighs.
STRAWN
I have an idea.
MILDRED
I bet you do.
HARD CUT TO:
EXT. STREAM -- NIGHT
The stream shimmers in the moonlight. Crickets chirp. The
tent is up and a campfire burns, sparks spiraling skyward.
Mildred and Strawn sit by the fire, eating beans from cans.
Strawn looks exhausted.
MILDRED
Long day, right?
STRAWN
Long day.
He looks out at the gleaming rushing water.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
How's your mom doing?
MILDRED
She's in an induced coma, hovering
between life and death. Thanks for
asking.
29.
STRAWN
No, I mean apart from the whole
coma thing. You know, generally.
How is she?
MILDRED
She smokes too much, drinks too
much, and has terrible taste in
men.
(Strawn squirms)
But she means well. She tries her
best.
Mildred looks into the campfire's flames, fear in her eyes.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
You could say she's struggling.
STRAWN
With?
Mildred looks up at him, eyes shining in the firelight.
MILDRED
What do you think?
STRAWN
I don't...
MILDRED
The debt, Einstein. She's
struggling with all the debt.
STRAWN
What debt?
MILDRED
She didn't tell you?
STRAWN
No. She never said anything.
Mildred sighs.
MILDRED
Her sister - my aunt's - afflicted
with a bit of the old substance
abuse nonsense.
(shakes head)
No, no, it's not nonsense. That's
not fair. It's a disease.
Strawn nods, understanding.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Mum took out a bunch of loans to
put her into rehab.
(MORE)
30.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Now, Auntie Rita's clean and
serene, loving life, never felt
better.
(darkening)
Meanwhile, mum's loans are gaining
interest. She's in the hole. Owes
50 big ones.
STRAWN
50 thousand..? Jesus.
MILDRED
Why'd you think I'm on the hunt for
this panther? The reward is fifty K
for a video of the thing. Problem
solved, right? Mum'll be off the
hook, clean slate, not having to
juggle three stupid jobs.
She smiles, for the first time since we met her.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Plus, you know... between you and
me, I do really want to see a
bloody great panther.
Strawn smiles weakly back.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Right. I don't know about you, but
I'm tuckered. I'm turning in.
She gets up, stretching, heading to the tent. Strawn gets up,
following her.
Mildred crouches, unzipping the tent's entrance. She looks up
at Strawn, serious --
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Before we go in, I want to make one
thing perfectly clear.
STRAWN
What's that?
MILDRED
I know you have a belly full of
beans, but this tent is a fart-free
zone. If you feel any bum-blasters
brewing, kindly take them outside.
Are we clear on that?
STRAWN
Sure.
31.
INT. TENT -- NIGHT
A small electrical lamp illuminates the tent. Strawn and
Mildred lie in separate sleeping bags, next to each other.
Strawn looks at the roof of the tent. He thinks. He sighs.
Then --
STRAWN
I'm sorry things never worked out
with your mom. I did ask her to
stay in Vegas with me, you know.
When she told me she was... when
you... when she was pregnant, you
know. I did offer, but she wanted
to stay here. I don't want you to
think I didn't want you. Or
anything like that... It's just...
it's a lot.
(then)
I only met your mom once, for a
couple of hours. It's such a
complicated situation. You're not
the average child, so I feel like I
can say...
He turns, noticing -- Mildred is asleep, breathing heavily.
Strawn regards the sleeping girl, with sadness.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Goodnight, Mildred.
Mildred' eyelid twitches slightly. Then --
STRAWN (CONT'D)
You're not really asleep, are you?
Mildred' lip quivers a little. She closes his eyes tighter.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
You just wanted to shut me up,
didn't you?
MILDRED
Goodnight, Strawn.
Strawn smirks. He switches the lamp off, throwing the tent
into darkness.
FADE TO:
EXT. CAMPSITE -- NIGHT
As if from a hidden POV:
The tent, small, isolated in the vast moonlit wilds.
32.
A twig SNAPS somewhere, as we --
SMASH TO:
INT. TENT
Strawn wakes, reacting to the sound. He sits up, listening.
Rustling from outside...
His eyes gleam with terror. He turns, shaking Mildred -- she
stirs awake, looking up at him, bleary-eyed.
MILDRED
Jesus. What? What is it?
STRAWN
I...
MILDRED
You..?
STRAWN
(sheepish)
I heard a scary sound.
MILDRED
Am I still dreaming, or did a forty-
one year-old man really just wake
an eleven year-old girl to tell her
he heard a scary sound in the
night?
He looks self-conscious.
STRAWN
I'm sorry. Never mind. Go back to
sleep.
She lies down, turned away from him. She listens. Her eyes
can't hide the fear she, too, is feeling.
Strawn listens to the scary sounds outside, nervous.
FADE TO:
EXT. STREAM -- DAWN
Sun rises over the mountain range. Birds chirp in the woods.
Steam coils off the lake's glassy surface.
INT. TENT
Strawn wakes, sitting up with a weary groan. He sees Mildred'
empty sleeping bag beside him.
33.
EXT. CAMPSITE -- DAWN
Strawn emerges from the tent, to see --
Mildred, seated on a large rock, drinking coffee, consulting
maps and books. She turns, seeing Strawn --
MILDRED
Sleep well?
STRAWN
No, not really.
MILDRED
Ready to cover some of New
Zealand's most unforgivingly
treacherous terrain?
STRAWN
My stomach feels weird and bubbly.
MILDRED
I know. I'm super excited too.
Mildred nods at a cup of coffee beside the campfire.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Get some caffeine in you, and let's
move. Come on, Strawn.
Strawn picks the coffee up, taking a sip.
STRAWN
You know, you can call me dad.
MILDRED
Why would I do that?
STRAWN
Normally, daughters call their dads
"dad".
Mildred turns to look at him.
MILDRED
Normally, daughters see their dads
more than twice a decade.
STRAWN
Maybe oneday you'll actually call
me dad.
He does a flourish with his hand, making his coffee cup
disappear. She looks on, nonplussed.
MILDRED
Maybe oneday you'll actually do a
magic trick that impresses me.
34.
MONTAGE:
The unlikely duo venture further into the wilderness.
Crossing meadows and streams. Climbing perilous hillsides.
Traversing a rope-bridge above a vertiginous chasm.
EXT. MOUNTAIN RANGE -- DAY
You're gliding over a jagged mountain range.
You see Mildred and Strawn, tiny creatures that they are,
marching through wild terrain beneath cobalt sky.
CLOSER
Mildred stops, looking around, disturbed.
STRAWN
What is it..?
MILDRED
We need to find shelter. It's going
to rain very heavily, and very
soon.
STRAWN
What? The sky is spotless.
MILDRED
That's what concerns me.
STRAWN
I don't--
MILDRED
It's spotless. What's missing?
STRAWN
What?
MILDRED
What's missing from the sky?
STRAWN
Clouds?
MILDRED
What else?
STRAWN
Planes?
Mildred looks around, thinking.
35.
MILDRED
Birds, Strawn. They make themselves
scarce before a big old downpour. I
don't want to pitch a tent here on
this soft terrain. We'll have to
find a cave.
Strawn looks up at the spotless sky, skeptical.
STRAWN
I think you're mistaken. I'm pretty
confident it's not going to rain.
HARD CUT TO:
EXT. CAVE OPENING
Torrential rain hammers the rock face.
INT. CAVE
Mildred and Strawn are crouched in a small cramped cave,
eating protein bars in silence. RAIN blasts down outside.
STRAWN
You must go camping a lot.
Mildred chews her bar, sadly.
MILDRED
Believe it or not, this is my first
time.
STRAWN
What? But you know so much about...
terrain, and rain, and...
MILDRED
Oh, it's all from books. I always
ask mum to take me, but you know
what she's like.
(beat)
Actually you don't. You've only met
her a couple of times. I forgot.
She sighs.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
She's got me wrapped in cotton
wool. And bubble wrap. She barely
even lets me play in the back yard.
(then)
She still walks me to school, you
know. Still wants to hold my hand
crossing the road.
(then)
(MORE)
36.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Does wonders for my social life, as
you can imagine.
Strawn looks out at the rain, pelting down outside.
STRAWN
Does she ever talk about me?
MILDRED
Why would she do that?
Strawn smiles, stung. Mildred stares out at the rain. Her
thoughts return to her mother, real fear in her eyes. She
turns away from Strawn, hiding herself.
STRAWN
She's going to be okay. She's in
good hands, I promise you.
She nods. He puts a comforting hand on her shoulder.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
It's alright... to be scared. It's
normal.
Mildred inhales deeply, glancing back at Strawn -- composure
regained, guard up again.
MILDRED
She said you used to be on telly.
You were some big-shot magician.
Then some other big-shot magician
came along, and you became a small-
shot magician.
STRAWN
Illusionist.
MILDRED
Right, sorry. So what does the
average working day look like for
you now?
STRAWN
I do appearances. Parties.
I actually did a major celebrity's
birthday last week.
MILDRED
Excuse me while I hyperventilate.
Strawn's had enough --
STRAWN
You know, you could try being a
little more respectful.
37.
MILDRED
Oh, I'm sure I could. I can't
promise I will.
She sighs, biting her lip, frustration simmering.
As rain hammers down, ground reduced to mud, splattering --
A glorious chorus of BIRDSONG rises, as we --
CUT TO:
EXT. WOODS -- DAY
Bright sunlight slashes woodland. Birds chirp all around.
Mildred leads the way through damp woods, Strawn lagging.
STRAWN
I work hard, you know. To provide
for you and your mom.
MILDRED
Levitation and card tricks? Back-
breaking stuff, I'm sure.
STRAWN
What I do is physically and
mentally exhausting. My wrist
strength is equivalent to that of a
professional wrestler. You think
it's easy making balloon animals
for Michael Bolton's kids?
MILDRED
Balloon animals. My, oh my. And
they say air traffic controllers
have stressful jobs.
(then)
And who the hell is Michael Bolton?
STRAWN
A major celebrity. Anyway,
whatever. People need magic in
their lives. I'm doing my best.
Mildred stops, turning to face her father --
MILDRED
And I'm doing my best not to punch
you in the goolies. Wheteve
STRAWN
(piss and vinegar)
What did I ever do to you? Why are
you so angry with me? What is this?
38.
MILDRED
You really want to have this
conversation? Now? Here?
STRAWN
(backing down)
Um. I don't know. No. Maybe not.
Yeah, let's not.
Mildred is about to speak, but she suddenly freezes, eyes
wide. Strawn looks at her, puzzled --
STRAWN (CONT'D)
What..?
Mildred stays completely still.
MILDRED
Don't move. Stay completely still.
STRAWN
Is this a trick so you can punch me
in the "goolies"? Whatever goolies
are.
MILDRED
No.
Strawn turns, now seeing what Mildred is seeing --
In the woods ahead, a PANTHER roams free.
Strawn's eyes bulge in terror --
STRAWN
Oh no... oh no oh no...
MILDRED
Strawn. Listen to me very
carefully. Do not - I repeat - do
not move.
STRAWN
It's the p...p...p...
MILDRED
P-p-p-panther. Yes, it is.
Mildred sees real fear in her father's eyes, and now she's
even more spooked. She edges closer to him, taking his arm.
He stands a little straighter, protective...
STRAWN
What do we do?
MILDRED
Shh... just be quiet...
39.
STRAWN
(whispering)
Panthers kill people.
MILDRED
I said be quiet.
STRAWN
Why wouldn't it kill us?
MILDRED
(toughening)
A) It hasn't seen us. And B) we're
going to stay very still, and very
quiet, and very calm.
Strawn just stares at the panther, petrified.
Mildred, with incredible care, removes her back-pack, keeping
eyes fixed on the panther.
She opens the back-pack, rummaging carefully, pulling out a
small VIDEO CAMERA. She switches it on -- aiming it at the
panther --
-- hitting RECORD --
AHEAD
The panther prowls, sniffing the ground. And suddenly --
It STOPS, raising its head --
SEEING MILDRED AND STRAWN.
STRAWN
That's not good is it?
Mildred keeps the camera trained on the panther, hand
trembling, eyes wide...
IN THE VIEWFINDER
The panther just stands there, watching Mildred and Strawn
with shining yellow eyes.
Strawn dry-swallows, gripping Mildred' sleeve, knuckles
white. She grips his wrist with her free hand. Then --
The panther begins prowling TOWARDS MILDRED AND STRAWN.
STRAWN
Do we run?
MILDRED
Think you can outrun a panther?
40.
STRAWN
(unsure)
I don't know. Can I?
MILDRED
No, Strawn. You can't.
STRAWN
Then what do we do?
MILDRED
It's alright. I've read all about
this. We make ourselves big and
loud. Stretch out, and speak really
loud.
He stretches his arms and legs out, raising his voice --
STRAWN
towards us!
It's heading
MILDRED
Really? You don't say!
Thanks update!
for the
STRAWN
You're welcome! But it's
still coming towards us!
Mildred suddenly freezes, shaking her head.
MILDRED
Bugger. Sorry. I was wrong.
STRAWN
Wrong?
MILDRED
Making yourself big and loud is for
bears.
STRAWN
Then what about panthers!?
MILDRED
Stay really still and don't make a
sound.
They both stand completely still, petrified.
The panther prowls closer, eyes on Mildred and Strawn...
Closer...
And then, it STOPS -- a mere five feet away from them.
41.
Its ears twitch. It just watches them, motionless.
Mildred keeps filming the beast, hand trembling, trying to
keep the camera steady.
Strawn edges a little closer to her, gripping her free hand.
Mildred just stares at the panther, tears welling up in her
eyes... child and beast observing each other with curiosity
and trepidation. And then --
The panther turns, bounding off into the woods --
Gone.
Mildred and Strawn stand there, shaking, closer than they've
ever been. Speechless, adrenal.
Mildred drops to her knees, delirious, delighted, replaying
the footage on the camera's LCD screen. It's crisp, clear.
She closes her eyes, uttering a silent prayer...
MILDRED (CONT'D)
(whispered)
Mum, if you can hear me... it's all going to be
okay. I promise. PS. I love you... with all my
heart. There. Happy?
Strawn stumbles back, shock only just hitting him. He gawks
at the surrounding woods, adrenaline surging...
STRAWN
Mildred... tell me you got the
footage.
MILDRED
I got it. I got the bugger.
How you holding up?
STRAWN
That... was a close encounter.
MILDRED
Of the fifty thousandth kind.
The sound of RUSHING WATER echoes from somewhere as we --
CUT TO:
EXT. RIVER
At the banks of a roiling river...
Strawn sits on a rock, still shaken from the panther
encounter. He looks at his HANDS, which tremble, adrenaline
still surging. He shakes them off, exhaling hard.
42.
Mildred stands at water's edge, foraging in the wild reeds.
MILDRED
How about some scrambled mallard
eggs with wild fennel for dinner?
Strawn nods reservedly.
STRAWN
Hey, look. Mildred. I'm... I'm
sorry.
She heads towards him, hands full of delicacies.
MILDRED
For being an absent father?
STRAWN
What? No. I mean... for doubting
you about the panther.
He thinks.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
And the absent father thing, too.
Sorry for that.
MILDRED
And I'm sorry about threatening to
punch you in the goolies. That was
rude, and un-called for.
STRAWN
And pretty Freudian, when you think
about it.
MILDRED
Yeah. Sorry.
STRAWN
It's alright. Really.
Strawn gazes at the rushing water, melancholic.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Not easy, is it? This whole thing.
MILDRED
I'm sorry to change the subject,
but you're being eaten alive.
A mosquito has landed on Strawn's hand. He flinches, flapping
his hand to get rid of the bug -- it flies off.
Mildred looks at him, bemused.
43.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Most people just squash the
buggers.
STRAWN
Not me. I'm not a murderer. I
always used to feel guilty killing
bugs as a kid. Made me sad,
thinking about their babies
wondering where they went.
Mildred begins busying herself with dinner preparation. She
notices something on Strawn --
MILDRED
Speaking of bugs... don't move.
STRAWN
Why?
MILDRED
You've got a Weta on your shoulder.
Strawn suddenly stiffens.
STRAWN
A what?
MILDRED
A Weta. Basically a giant
flightless cricket that looks like
the alien from Alien. They've got
razor-sharp mandibles and an
agonising bite. Now... slowly turn
your head, and behold the beautiful
bugger for yourself.
Strawn slowly moves his head and comes face to face with the
horrific creature. He yelps --
STRAWN
What is that!? What the--
He bounds up, flicking the Weta off, jumping up and down on
it, crushing it underfoot.
He steps back, gasping.
Silence, save for the rushing river.
Mildred looks at him, expression blank.
MILDRED
Think its babies will wonder where
it went?
Strawn looks defeated.
44.
EXT. CAMPSITE -- NIGHT
Another campsite has been set up near the water. Tent
assembled, campfire burning.
Strawn and Mildred sit fireside, eating eggs off tin plates.
MILDRED
Do you miss being on telly?
Strawn smirks, memories flooding back. He sours.
STRAWN
No. It's a horrible business. The
people are terrible. Egomaniacs.
Bullies. Greedy, soul-sucking
vampires, all of them.
He looks up at her, vulnerability in his eyes.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
I miss it more than anything.
He looks into the flames.
MILDRED
Who's David? That hiker lady
mentioned him.
STRAWN
Oh. David Blaine. Guy I used to be
friends with. Until he stabbed me
in the back. He stabbed me, and he
stabbed me, and he stabbed me --
and just when I thought it was all
over, that's when he rolled his
sleeves up for some serious
stabbing.
Mildred warms her hands on the fire, looking to Strawn.
MILDRED
(sardonic smirk)
I sense you want to open up and
tell me the entire story, in
unflinching detail.
Strawn broods.
STRAWN
We met doing illusions on the
streets of New York. We became
inseparable. He was like a big
brother to me.
(then)
We both landed our own TV shows,
him first, then me. His show was
called Street Magic.
(MORE)
45.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Mine was called Twizted Illusions.
The "s" in Twisted was a "z".
MILDRED
Twiz-ted.
Strawn stares into the flames, painful memories bubbling...
STRAWN
One day me and David went on a ride
around Central Park in a horse-
drawn carriage. We were both
wearing burgundy velvet shorts. I
told him I was going to do a series
of TV specials. I had them all
worked out, and I talked him
through the whole thing. I was
going to be buried alive for a week
in Central Park, the very park we
were riding through at the time.
Then I'd do one where I'd be frozen
in a block of ice for 72 hours.
Next, I'd stand on top of a tall
pillar for 35 hours.
Something in the fire POPS, sending sparks spiraling skyward.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
David just laughed at me. Said I
was crazy. Nobody could ever pull
off one of those stunts, let alone
all of them. And then the little
greasy worm goes to HBO and pitches
them my ideas, like they're his
own. Signs a deal worth millions.
Then he starts ignoring my calls.
Mildred shakes her head in empathy.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
So I go to confront the bastard.
He's at this bar in Vegas. He's
there with all his new showbiz
buddies. They're all wearing
backwards baseball caps and these
baggy black suits with one pants
leg rolled up. Some weird inside
joke, or a ritual, or something.
And I try to talk to David, ask why
he did that to me, after everything
we'd been through. And you know
what he does?
Strawn clenches his jaw, memory still raw...
STRAWN (CONT'D)
He smiles, and he slowly pours his
drink over my head.
(MORE)
46.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
And then they all start barking at
me. Like dogs. Just barking,
barking, barking. David was barking
the loudest. His face was so red
and sweaty, his lips were all blue,
I thought he was having a seizure
or something.
MILDRED
And what did you do?
Strawn closes his eyes, shame washing over him, unable to
meet his daughter's gaze...
STRAWN
What I always do when I see
something scary. I ran away.
As fast as I could, as far as I
could. Next thing I know, I'm in
the desert, on my knees, throwing
up. And I can see bits of squid
tentacle in my vomit. That's all I
really remember. The next few
months are kind of a blur.
Mildred looks miserable. Strawn inhales.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
I moved back in with my mom for a
while. I just... couldn't do much,
you know. My show got cancelled. A
year later, I slowly go back to
basics. Card tricks on the street,
booking gigs, parties.
MILDRED
And somewhere in all this, you met
my mum.
STRAWN
I met your mom, yeah.
MILDRED
I found my her secret diary once.
Says she met you while she was on a
girl's trip to Vegas. Says I was
conceived in the parking lot of a
convenience store. That's not
really true, is it?
He nods, guilty.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
And they say romance is dead.
47.
They sit there in silence. Mildred finally cracks a smile.
Strawn can't help but smile back.
CUT TO:
EXT. TENT
The tent, softly glowing in the darkness. Strawn and
Mildred's voices lilt from within --
MILDRED (O.S.)
You're wrong about one thing
though.
STRAWN (O.S.)
What's that?
INT. TENT
MILDRED
You don't run away from every scary
thing.
STRAWN
You sure about that?
MILDRED
You're here, aren't you? You flew
to the other side of the planet to
take care of a kid you barely know.
And in the wilderness, to boot.
Maybe you have a backbone after
all.
STRAWN
Thank you.
MILDRED
Now let's get some sleep, shall we?
He smiles tiredly. She reaches for the lamp.
EXT. TENT
The tent goes dark.
Crickets chirp. Frogs croak. Fireflies twinkle all around.
CUT TO:
EXT. CAMPSITE -- MORNING
Mildred and Strawn sip coffee by the glowing embers of the
campfire.
48.
STRAWN
So I was thinking. We have the
panther video. Shall we... maybe
head home?
MILDRED
Yes. But there's a hot springs I'd
like to see first. You can handle
another night in a tent, I hope?
Strawn nods, reluctant, but smiling.
STRAWN
Sure. What's one more night?
Mildred is about to crack wise, but checks herself and
consults the map, then a book. She looks to Strawn.
MILDRED
Hey. There's a place near here
where we can do a scree run.
STRAWN
What's a scree run?
HARD CUT TO:
EXT. SCREE HILL
Mildred and Strawn are running down a hill comprised of loose
stones, moving with incredible speed.
Strawn loses his footing, rolling down the hill with Mildred.
Mildred also loses her footing -- falling hard, skidding down
the hill beside Strawn, towards --
THE BOTTOM OF THE HILL
Where they lie on their backs -- laughing, gasping for air.
MILDRED
That's a scree run.
Strawn looks over to Mildred, and they share a smile.
The thunder of RUSHING WATER from somewhere as we --
CUT TO:
EXT. WATERFALL -- DAY
Mildred and Strawn walk beside a roaring waterfall, admiring
its ferocious majesty.
49.
Then, a man's VOICE calls from somewhere --
VOICE (O.S.)
Kia ora!
They turn, seeing --
A COUPLE (40s) trudging towards them, in hiking gear,
carrying backpacks. Meet ARNOLD and ANGELINA.
They approach. Arnold is Irish, Angelina a New Zealander --
ARNOLD
Kia ora.
ANGELINA
Kia ora.
Mildred and Strawn force smiles.
ARNOLD
A father and daughter on a wee trek
into the rugged wilderness of New
Zealand? Is that what we're looking
at here?
STRAWN
Yeah. Hi.
ARNOLD
My name's Arnold. And this here is
my missus, Angelina.
ANGELINA
His long-suffering missus.
STRAWN
I'm Strawn. And this is my...
(stops himself)
My daughter, Mildred.
Angelina looks impressed by Strawn.
ANGELINA
You're a real American person.
STRAWN
Yes, I am.
ANGELINA
I've never met a real American
person before. I watch a lot of
American soap operas though.
ARNOLD
All she does is watch those bloody
American soap operas.
50.
STRAWN
They can be addictive. That's why
they end with cliffhangers. It's to
make you desperate to watch the
next episode. It's to get you to
watch commercials, basically.
That's how TV works. It's sort of
disgraceful. There should be laws
against it. It's disgusting.
Silence.
ARNOLD
So. How are you finding New
Zealand?
STRAWN
I quite like it, I think.
Arnold smiles.
ARNOLD
We're heading down to a lake that
looks like it's made of glass. Yes,
it really is that glossy. Come on,
walk with us. I could do with some
grown-up conversation.
Angelina playfully swats Arnold's arm.
MILDRED
So could I.
EXT. TRAIL
Mildred walks beside Angelina, making chit-chat.
ANGELINA
So, tell me everything. What's it
like growing up in America?
MILDRED
I'd love to tell you, but since
I've never set foot on American
soil, I don't have a bloody clue.
ANGELINA
But your dad...
MILDRED
He lives there. I live here.
ANGELINA
You don't want to live there with
him? If I was a kid, I'd rather
live in America than boring old New
Zealand.
51.
MILDRED
Let's see. I don't like assault
rifles. I don't like high-fives. I
don't like corn syrup. I don't like
people who say "hell yeah" or
"buddy". And I despise the word
"dude" with every atom of my being.
(then)
I'm not sure America has much to
offer me.
Angelina looks at her in confusion and bewilderment.
ANGELINA
You don't...
MILDRED
Talk like a normal child. I know.
AHEAD
Strawn walks alongside Arnold.
ARNOLD
So. What's your trade?
STRAWN
Me? I'm an illusionist.
ARNOLD
Like a magician?
STRAWN
Yeah.
ARNOLD
Like David Blaine? I just adore
that man. He's literally magical.
League of his own. Nobody else
comes close, or even close to
close.
STRAWN
(stung)
Yeah. What about you?
ARNOLD
Me? I'm a heart surgeon. Not to
toot my own trombone, but I'm one
the top five leading heart surgeons
in all of Oceania.
STRAWN
Wow. I'm impressed by that.
52.
ARNOLD
A lot of people are. And rightly
so. It's an impressive job to have.
I literally save lives. Lives would
literally end if I didn't
intervene. So if anything, I'm the
real magician here. No offense.
They walk on.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. LAKE
Mildred and Angelina skim stones at the sandy shore of a
glittering blue lake.
Strawn and Arnold sit beside each other on a large rock
nearby, drinking coffee. Strawn looks at Mildred and
Angelina, with a twinge of jealousy.
ARNOLD
She's good with kids. They love
her, they do. It's a natural
parental warmth she radiates. Some
people have it...
(looking at Strawn)
... some people don't.
(then)
I'm sure you do, though.
Strawn sighs, trying to smile. After some thought, Arnold
turns to Strawn with a solemn expression --
ARNOLD (CONT'D)
I have to tell you something, mate.
STRAWN
What's that?
ARNOLD
You have to promise you'll stay
cool, calm and collected.
STRAWN
I think I can do that.
ARNOLD
Promise?
STRAWN
Yeah. Sure. I promise.
Arnold looks at the lake, thinking. Strawn turns to him.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
What is it?
53.
Finally, Arnold fixes Strawn with a cold stare.
ARNOLD
I've kidnapped your daughter.
Strawn lets out an incredulous snort --
STRAWN
Excuse me?
He looks out at Mildred and Angelina, playing happily at the
shoreline. He looks back to Arnold, who's dead serious.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
I don't...
ARNOLD
It may not look like a kidnapping,
in the conventional sense... but a
kidnapping is exactly what's
happening here.
STRAWN
I don't understand...
ARNOLD
Well, try to keep up. The girl is
now in our custody. I'm about to
state a few demands. If said
demands aren't met, the girl will
remain in our custody. And we
actually might drown her, because
she's not exactly the kind of child
you'd want to keep around. Sorry.
No filter here.
Strawn dry-swallows, reality dawning on him... He looks out
at Mildred, who looks decidedly un-kidnapped, oblivious.
Angelina glances up at Strawn from afar, steely-eyed. She
mimes strangling Mildred while her back's turned -- then
quickly returns to playful smiles when Mildred turns around.
Then Angelina slyly mimes stabbing Mildred in the back. Then
digging a grave.
Arnold continues...
ARNOLD (CONT'D)
And before you get any ideas, I'd
like to inform you that I have a
black belt in karate.
Strawn looks to him, unsure...
STRAWN
Do you really?
54.
ARNOLD
Yes. I do.
STRAWN
Are you telling the truth?
ARNOLD
I am, actually.
STRAWN
I don't believe you.
ARNOLD
You should believe me.
STRAWN
Do a karate move then.
ARNOLD
I'm not a performing monkey. I'm
not doing a karate move on command.
STRAWN
Yeah, because you don't know
karate.
ARNOLD
I do know karate.
STRAWN
I do know you're full of hot air.
ARNOLD
Fine. I won't do a karate move.
But I will show you this. Look very
carefully and commit it to memory,
if you can.
Arnold takes a worn-out leather wallet from his back pocket.
From inside, he pulls out a folded photograph. He unfolds it,
raising it up for Strawn to see.
ARNOLD (CONT'D)
Viddy this.
In the photo: a YOUNGER ARNOLD, with long glossy hair, posing
triumphantly in a martial arts outfit, with - yes - a black
belt tied around his waist.
ARNOLD (CONT'D)
You see that belt?
STRAWN
Yeah.
ARNOLD
Is it green?
55.
STRAWN
No.
ARNOLD
Is it yellow?
STRAWN
No.
ARNOLD
Is it red?
STRAWN
No.
ARNOLD
Tell me honestly. What color is
that belt?
STRAWN
(resigned)
It's... it's black.
Arnold folds the picture, returns it to the wallet, which he
then pockets again. He fixes Strawn with a steely glare --
ARNOLD
That's right. The belt is black. As
in: it's a black belt. As in: I
could karate seven shades of crap
out of you if I wanted to. Now,
currently, as it happens, I don't
particularly want to karate seven
shades of crap out of you.
(then)
But that could all change in an
instant if you bugger around with
me, in which case I will not
hesitate to karate seven shades of
crap out of you. And then probably
drown your precious daughter.
Understood, mate?
STRAWN
Yeah.
ARNOLD
Okay. Down to business. Down to the
real nitty gritty of things. You're
probably wondering what I want from
yous.
STRAWN
What do you want from me?
ARNOLD
Your valuables.
56.
STRAWN
You're not actually serious..?
ARNOLD
I am actually serious. I'm actually
incredibly serious. If you want
your darling daughter back, I'll
require your stuff.
STRAWN
Wait, wait. What is this?
ARNOLD
Have you heard of a blood
transfusion?
STRAWN
What? Yes.
ARNOLD
This is a stuff transfusion. Your
stuff is now my stuff. You can
start by handing over your mobile.
I believe you yanks call them
"cellular phones".
Strawn just stares at him, ashen-faced.
ARNOLD (CONT'D)
Do I need to remind you that an
actual karate champion has
kidnapped your daughter? Cellular
phone. Now.
Strawn sighs. He unpockets his iPhone, reluctantly handing it
to Arnold.
ARNOLD (CONT'D)
Passcode.
STRAWN
Please... you don't have to--
ARNOLD
Passcode. I've asked for it twice.
If you value the structural
integrity of your clavicle, a third
time will not be required.
Strawn grits his teeth. Exhales sharply. And --
STRAWN
1981. It's the year I was born.
Arnold taps the code into the phone, unlocking it. Strawn
suddenly looks incredibly embarrassed.
57.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Hey. Just don't look at my photos.
That all I ask.
Arnold side-eyes him slyly.
ARNOLD
I wasn't actually planning on
looking at your photos. But now
that you've said that, I just have
to look at your photos.
STRAWN
No, please. Don't.
Arnold accesses the photo library.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Please?
Arnold thumbs through images, eyebrow raised. He looks to
Strawn, smirking, wry.
ARNOLD
There are pumps for that, and I'm
told they actually work.
Strawn looks at his feet, blushing, humiliated.
At the lake shore -- Mildred and Angelina are now doing cart-
wheels on the sand, shrieking with laughter.
ARNOLD (CONT'D)
Right. Now, your camera.
STRAWN
Please don't do this. It's my
daughter's. It means a lot to her.
ARNOLD
And now it'll mean a lot to me.
Strawn, crushed, reaches to Mildred's bag, pulling out the
camera. Arnold grabs it from him.
STRAWN
I'll call the cops.
I know your names.
ARNOLD
Arnold and Angelina. Where have you
heard those names before? Think.
STRAWN
I don't know. Arnold Schwarzenegger
and Angelina Jolie?
58.
ARNOLD
Bingo. What do they have in common?
STRAWN
They're... actors.
ARNOLD
And what do actors do?
STRAWN
(realizing)
They... pretend to be other people.
Arnold nods. Strawn looks at him with a simmering hatred.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
I know your job. One of the leading
heart surgeons in...
(resigned)
You're not really a heart surgeon,
are you?
ARNOLD
Why would a heart surgeon need to
relieve hikers of their valuables?
Strawn's losing his grip, face drained, sweat breaking out...
STRAWN
I know what you both look like. The
cops will do a composite sketch.
ARNOLD
When we get home, I'm going to
shave my mustache off. I look
completely different without it.
STRAWN
And Angelina?
ARNOLD
She'll shave hers off too.
STRAWN
You're both bastards.
ARNOLD
We were both born out of wedlock.
How did you know?
STRAWN
That's not what I meant and you
know it.
ARNOLD
Wallet. Hand it over.
59.
Strawn rummages in his pocket, pulling out his wallet,
reluctantly handing it over.
Arnold stands up. He calls to Angelina --
ARNOLD (CONT'D)
Angelina, darling! We're off!
At the shore -- Angelina points to something in the distance,
causing Mildred to stare at it. While Mildred is occupied,
Angelina runs over to Arnold, looking to him expectantly --
ANGELINA
All done?
ARNOLD
Yep. It was a relatively painless
operation.
Angelina notices -- Mildred' FISHING ROD. She picks it up.
ANGELINA
Nice rod.
ARNOLD
(winking at Strawn)
Bet that's the first time a woman's
said that to you.
STRAWN
(to Angelina)
Hey. Please, don't take that.
It's my daughter's.
ANGELINA
My nephew is desperate for a
fishing rod. That's his birthday
pressie sorted. Cheers.
Angelina nods to Arnold --
ANGELINA (CONT'D)
Get their map and their matches.
That'll slow them down.
ARNOLD
You're a criminal mastermind, love.
Why didn't I think of that?
Arnold opens the back-pack's side pocket, taking the box of
matches. He then takes the map.
Strawn watches helplessly as Arnold lights a match, then uses
it to light the entire box of matches -- it bursts into
hissing flames.
60.
ARNOLD (CONT'D)
When I was at school, I used to
charge my mates a dollar to watch
me do that.
ANGELINA
You don't want to know what he
charged two dollars for.
Arnold shakes his head, disapprovingly. He dangles the map
over the flame, setting it alight.
ARNOLD
I'm sorry, mate. Nothing personal.
STRAWN
What if I come after you?
ARNOLD
You don't seem the type. Let's be
honest.
Strawn looks rage-filled, crushed.
ARNOLD (CONT'D)
Kia ora.
ANGELINA
Kia ora.
Arnold and Angelina traipse off, back towards the hills.
Silence.
Strawn just sits there, defeated, deflated.
He looks out at the lake, seeing Mildred skimming stones
across the water's glassy surface.
He buries his face in his hands, reality suddenly hitting him
like a freight train.
STRAWN
No...
He looks up at the oblivious Mildred again, tears welling in
his eyes.
He almost laughs, but his face creases into a look of pure
panic instead.
He mutters something to himself.
At the shore, Mildred turns, approaching Strawn.
MILDRED
Where'd they go?
61.
Mildred sits down on the rock next to Strawn, pulling off her
boot, rattling a bit of gravel out, putting his boot back on.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
I said where'd they go?
Strawn just stares at the water. Mildred follows his gaze,
admiring the glistening lake.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Transfixing, isn't it? The way the
sunlight sparkles on the surface.
It's like a royal jewel box has
been opened and its contents
scattered across a glossy marble
floor, in some palace somewhere.
She sidles closer to him, their shoulders touching. After
some deliberation...
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Not to get mushy on you, but I
think this has honestly been the
best day of my life. I just... you
know...
(then)
Thank you.
She rests her head against his shoulder, smiling, content.
Strawn just stares ahead, catatonic, on the verge of tears.
Finally --
STRAWN
I have to tell you something.
MILDRED
You're going to get mushy too? Look
at us. It's like we're in a
detergent commercial. Sickening.
STRAWN
I have to tell you something, and
you have to promise you'll stay
cool, calm and collected.
MILDRED
Alright.
STRAWN
Promise?
Mildred sighs dramatically.
MILDRED
Yes. I promise.
Strawn turns to her at last, fear in his eyes.
62.
STRAWN
They robbed us.
MILDRED
Pardon me?
STRAWN
They kidnapped you.
MILDRED
Good one, Strawn. Very funny.
Seriously, where'd they go?
STRAWN
They held you to ransom. They took
my phone, my money. The map. The
matches. The fishing rod...
(pained)
... your camera.
Mildred just looks at him, blankly.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
I know it didn't feel like a
kidnapping, but that's what just
happened. All we have left is the
tent and our sleeping bags.
Mildred gets up, moving to her bag -- crouching by it,
rummaging inside -- face slackening when she realizes that
Strawn is telling the truth.
Strawn holds his face in his hands.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Oh god... I'm sorry... I think I'm
going to throw up...
Mildred stands, looking around -- mind racing, plotting.
MILDRED
Don't. The contents of your stomach
just quadrupled in value.
Strawn clenches his fists, sadness giving way to anger.
STRAWN
They took everything... the
camera... the proof... everything.
MILDRED
And you just let them.
STRAWN
I...
63.
MILDRED
You just handed it over, on a
silver platter.
STRAWN
I'm so sorry.
MILDRED
Do I need to remind you that that
fifty thousand was going to save
mum and me from becoming another
depressing welfare statistic? It
was going to save our lives...
Strawn looks at Mildred, lost...
STRAWN
You hate me, don't you?
MILDRED
More than you could possibly
imagine.
Strawn fights tears...
MILDRED (CONT'D)
I actually can't even put into
words how much hate I'm feeling
towards you right now. You know
what? I can't stand the sight of
you. Your idiotic eyeliner and your
crap low-budget TV magician
clothes. And your greasy ratty
hair, and those big dumb dopey
donkey eyes. You know what? You
need to move away from me, right
now.
STRAWN
What was I supposed to do? He was a
karate master, and--
MILDRED
Move. Away. From. Me. Now.
STRAWN
Mildred... be serious...
MILDRED
I'm dead serious. At least 20
paces. Like we're in a duel. Now
go. Move away. I can't stand the
sight of you. Vacate my eyeline
entirely. Go!
Strawn moves away slowly, his body mechanics barely
functioning. He eventually finds a stump to sit on, and just
puts his head in his hands.
64.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
That's not twenty paces. That was
sixteen paces. And I can still see
you. Like an unsightly smudge on
the world, that's what you are.
Kindly bugger off further.
He looks up at her, mean...
STRAWN
It all makes sense now.
MILDRED
What makes sense?
STRAWN
Now I know why you don't have any
friends at school and your mom
never wants to take you camping.
MILDRED
(shocked)
Excuse me? Are my ears clogged up
or--
STRAWN
This whole trip, you've been
nothing but a Grade-A D-bag.
MILDRED
Yeah? Takes one to know one.
STRAWN
A pretentious, prickly little...
runt.
MILDRED
I know you are, but what am I?
STRAWN
You know something?
MILDRED
What?
He stands, defiant.
STRAWN
You're an asshole.
Silence.
Mildred is speechless. Strawn stares at her with contempt.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
You said twenty paces? Let's make
it fifty. No, screw that. Let's
make it one hundred and fifty.
65.
Strawn gets up and snatches the sleeping bag, heading off
into the bush, loudly counting his strides as he goes --
STRAWN (CONT'D)
1.2.3.4.5.6.7...
His voice fades off as the bush envelopes him - he's no
longer visible, but we can hear his count continuing.
Mildred, baffled, strains to hear him as he recedes off.
STRAWN (O.S.) (CONT'D)
32.33.34.35.36.....
Mildred nervously looks around -- the sun is starting to set,
sharp shadows befalling the area.
STRAWN (O.S.) (CONT'D)
45.46.47.48.49.50 --
Silence.
Mildred sits down next to their remaining gear.
She thinks, biting her lip.
She sighs, morose.
EXT. WOODS
Strawn storms off deeper into the woods. He stops counting
his paces. He looks around...
WIND howls through the trees. Twigs snap around him, echoing.
An unseen bird lets out a chilling screech.
He picks up his pace, descending deeper into the woods, which
darken all around him.
A low guttural GROWL from somewhere startles him.
He flinches, eyes darting around, nerves on edge.
STRAWN
Someone there?
Silence. Then the rustling of leaves...
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Mildred? Are you trying to scare
me?
No reply. Wind howls through the trees.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Agh.
66.
He slows down, looking nervous, turning as --
He walks right into a branch, on which a jumbo-sized WETA is
perched. It slashes its mandibles, emitting an alien hiss --
STRAWN (CONT'D)
No!
The Weta JUMPS right at him --
Strawn yelps, flinching -- he turns, breaking into a frantic
run, panting and whimpering --
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Leave me alone!!
He turns back, too late --
He catches his ankle on a gnarled root, tripping, landing
face-first in --
A shallow POND of muddy water --
STRAWN (CONT'D)
God damn it.
He stands, dripping, spitting brown water.
He looks around, panic rising as he realizes he's utterly
lost.
CUT TO:
EXT. CLEARING
Mildred inhales deeply, eyes closed, regaining her composure.
Then --
Strawn sheepishly re-emerges from the brush, hair a mess,
covered in leaves and twigs, clothes soaked in muddy water.
MILDRED
What's the matter, Mister Twizted
Illusions? You got scared in the
big dark spooky woods?
STRAWN
No.
He sags, defeated.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Okay, yeah. I did. I heard some
creepy sounds. And then I got
chased by one of those alien bugs.
67.
She raises an eyebrow, pitiful.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
It was a big one, okay? It was like
a giant green homicidal flying
lobster. Maybe it was related to
the one I stomped, and it wanted
revenge... or something.
She looks at him, resolved.
MILDRED
Now, listen to me and listen
carefully. The way I see it, we
have two options.
STRAWN
Yeah? And they are..?
MILDRED
Live or die. It really is that
simple, Strawn. We can live, or we
can die. I don't know about you,
but I'd quite like to live. And I
plan on getting that fifty grand
back, too. With or without you.
He sits down next to her, defeated.
STRAWN
We're days from anywhere. We have
no map, no food, no fishing rod, no
matches. They took--
MILDRED
Everything. They took everything.
Thank you for reminding me.
STRAWN
So. What now?
MILDRED
Are you familiar with Maslow's
hierarchy of needs?
STRAWN
Is that an album? Like classical
music, or something?
MILDRED
Abraham Maslow. 1943. The hierarchy
of needs. At the base of the
pyramid, the fundamental
physiological human needs. The very
foundations of survival: shelter,
warmth, food, and water.
She gestures to the back-packs.
68.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Shelter, we have. Warmth, we have.
All things considered, we're off to
a good start.
Mildred examines the surroundings again.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
As calories are in short supply, I
suggest we make camp here. We have
food and water on our doorstep.
We'll plot our next moves from
there, with clear heads and full
bellies.
(beat)
Now tell me, Strawn. Can you
whittle?
Strawn looks at her, truly lost.
STRAWN
Can I what?
HARD CUT TO:
EXT. LAKE -- LATER
Mildred finishes erecting the tent.
She looks to Strawn, who is attempting to whittle a tree
branch into a spear. It's not going well.
MILDRED
Keep going.
Strawn nods, continuing. The "spear" is uneven, ragged,
poorly done.
Mildred gets up, assembling a camp fire with care. She tries
rubbing two sticks together, to no avail.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Come on... come on...
She keeps trying, jaw clenched, frustration rising...
Strawn gets an idea. He moves over to the campfire, crouching
beside it.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Get back. I've got this.
STRAWN
You sure about that?
MILDRED
Yes, I'm sure about that.
69.
STRAWN
I'm just saying, it doesn't look
like--
MILDRED
Silence. I need to concentrate. Go
and whittle.
She keeps trying. No sparks. Nothing. Then --
Strawn reaches to the pile of sticks. He snaps his finger,
creating a FLAME -- instantly igniting the fire.
Mildred gawks at him.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
How did you...
STRAWN
(winks)
It's called magic.
She smiles, impressed.
MILDRED
Alright. I'll give you that one.
She gets up, seeing the poorly-whittled spear on the ground.
She picks it up, looking at it with pity.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Christ.
STRAWN
I'm sorry. I really don't think I'm
very good at whittling.
MILDRED
No, I didn't think you would be.
That's why I asked you to do it.
STRAWN
What? Why?
MILDRED
I wanted to give you a task to
focus on, something to occupy your
mind. I'm glad I did. You've calmed
down, haven't you?
Strawn shakes his head, hopeless.
STRAWN
We're still stranded out here.
Mildred ignores this. She begins expertly whittling the
branch. Within seconds, she's fashioned a sharp spear.
70.
Strawn eyes the spear's tip, with a twinge of inferiority.
MILDRED
I'm afraid we're going to have a
very salmon-heavy diet over the
next few days.
Before Strawn can respond, Mildred kicks her boots off, rolls
her trouser legs up, and heads towards the water, spear held
ready.
Strawn watches her, helpless.
At the lake -- Mildred wades into the water, scanning the
surface, spear held ready.
STRAWN
You really think you can...
In the water, Mildred moves fast, slamming the spear down
with a splash.
She raises the spear, on which a flapping salmon has been
skewered.
MILDRED
Look at this great big bugger..!
Mildred wades out of the water, ambling back to Strawn.
She slaps the salmon down on the ground.
Strawn looks at it, squeamish.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
If you're of a sensitive
disposition, now might be a good
time to avert your eyes.
Mildred grabs a rock, raising it aloft. Strawn looks away --
STRAWN
Oh god... I can't watch.
MILDRED
(sombre)
I'm sorry, mate. I really am.
Please forgive me.
STRAWN
It's okay...
MILDRED
I was talking to the fish.
Mildred SLAMS THE ROCK DOWN as we --
HARD CUT TO:
71.
EXT. CAMPSITE -- NIGHT
The mellow fire softly crackles.
Mildred and Strawn eat roasted salmon chunks, drinking boiled
water from tin cans.
Strawn stares into the flames, lost.
MILDRED
(posh Brit accent)
Fancy a spot of tea, old chap?
STRAWN
Very funny, Mildred. God. I'd kill
for a cup of tea right now.
Mildred gets up, wandering over to a bush. She plucks a few
leaves off. She then returns to her position by the fire.
She drops leaves into his and Strawn's water.
Strawn just looks at the leaves as they sink to the bottom of
his can.
MILDRED
Piper Excelsum. Known around these
parts as Kawakawa.
STRAWN
Kawakawa...
MILDRED
It has powerful antiseptic
properties, and it happens to taste
scrump-diddly-umptious too. Sling
that down your gullet.
Strawn sips his tea. He smiles faintly.
STRAWN
It's good. It's really good.
Mildred edges a little closer to her.
MILDRED
You know, Strawn... I don't think
less of you.
STRAWN
What?
MILDRED
That's what you're thinking, isn't
it? You failed to be a man. You
crapped the bed as a protector.
(MORE)
72.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Your weakness put us in grave
danger, and now we're two of the
8000 people who go missing in New
Zealand every year.
Strawn slumps, ashamed.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
All because you were naive, and you
were weak, and you refused the call
to action... like a coward.
STRAWN
Is that what you think?
MILDRED
No, that's what I think you think.
STRAWN
Which part of it isn't true?
I really messed this up, didn't I?
Mildred shrugs, deciding not to say anything.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
(bitter)
I just let him take everything. I
let him... I gave it to him on a
silver platter, like you said.
MILDRED
Are you talking about Arnold, or
David Blaine?
That hit Strawn. He looks at Mildred, intense...
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Sorry.
(sighs)
Look. We lost it all. It's a kick
in the head, no doubt. But we've
got grub in our guts, air in our
lungs, and somewhere cosy to sleep.
We're not done yet, mate. No way.
No bloody way. Not on your Nelly.
She gets up, heading tiredly towards the tent. Strawn calls
to her --
STRAWN
Mildred. Hey...
MILDRED
(turns)
Yes?
STRAWN
I'm going to look after you.
73.
She smiles.
INT. TENT
In the murky half-light, Mildred sleeps, snoring loudly.
Strawn lies beside her, wide awake, thinking.
CUT TO:
EXT. WOODS
Strawn and Mildred, back-packs on, walk through misty woods
in silence.
Mildred crouches when she sees --
An area filled with wild mushrooms. She unpockets the knife,
cutting the fungi loose, gathering them.
She points to a clump of brownish conical MUSHROOMS growing
out of a damp tree stump --
MILDRED
See those mushrooms there?
Strawn crouches, noticing them, nodding.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Psilocybe Makarorae. If anything
happens and we get separated out
here, don't ever eat those.
STRAWN
Why? What happens?
MILDRED
Full body numbness. Powerful
hallucinations. Total freakout.
STRAWN
Sounds fun.
Mildred looks confused. Strawn pauses, correcting himself --
STRAWN (CONT'D)
I'm obviously kidding. Don't ever
take drugs. Drugs are bad. Drugs
tear families and communities
apart.
She turns, rummaging through the undergrowth, seeing another
array of fungi.
74.
MILDRED
Here we go. Pleurotus Parsonsaie.
Pink oyster mushrooms. That's lunch
sorted.
She cuts the mushrooms free, raising a handful of grey soggy
fungus to show Strawn.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
I've always wanted to try these.
STRAWN
Why? They look absolutely
disgusting.
MILDRED
You know what looks absolutely
disgusting?
STRAWN
What?
MILDRED
Corpses that have succumbed to
starvation in the wilderness.
(then)
Dead people...
Her thoughts drift to her mother again. She darkens, real
fear in her eyes. Strawn nods, understanding.
STRAWN
Okay.
EXT. FIELD -- DUSK
Mildred trudges on, mind racing, still plagued by fear and
worry. Strawn struggles to keep up.
Strawn finally catches up to her. She looks tormented, mind
racing. He looks to her --
STRAWN
Hey. What is it?
She thinks. Insects scream all around.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Mildred? Are you okay..?
MILDRED
I have to tell you something. It'll
change the way you look at me
forever, probably. But I have to
just say it.
75.
STRAWN
Okay...
She sighs.
MILDRED
I used to wish my mum would just
disappear. I'd lie awake at night,
just hoping she'd not be there when
I woke up. And then you'd come, and
we'd be together. And you'd
understand me. Really understand
me, like she never could. And we'd
do stuff together. All the things
mum is too scared to do. Like go
camping. Hunting. Fishing. The
stuff of adventures.
Strawn considers this, shocked.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Maybe my wish came true. But in the
wrong ways. I don't want my mum to
go now. And as for you
understanding me...
She looks at him at last, tears welling in her eyes.
STRAWN
Here. Wipe those eyes. Hold on, I
have a hankie...
He starts pulling a handkerchief from his pocket... and keeps
pulling... and pulling -- it's a magician's comically long
hankie. He smiles warmly.
She wipes her eyes with her sleeve, offering a faint smile
back.
MILDRED
I'm sorry. Now might be a good time
to admit something atrocious about
yourself.
He wipes his eyes with his sleeves. He thinks. And then...
STRAWN
David Blaine didn't screw me over.
MILDRED
But...
STRAWN
He asked me to be his partner on
his show. He wanted us to be the
new Penn and Teller. And I
chickened out. I got scared. I said
no.
(MORE)
76.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
I see something scary, I run away.
That's all I do, it's all I've ever
done.
(sighs)
He went straight to the top of the
A List. I went straight to the
bottom of the D List. His shows
blew up. Mine got canned after four
episodes. He grabbed Emmys... I
grabbed balloon animals.
(then)
And I only have myself to blame.
That hangs there, untouchably awkward and painful. They move
on in silence.
From somewhere, the sound of an EKG MONITOR beeping, getting
faster and louder as we --
CUT TO:
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM -- NIGHT
Mildred's mother ZO lies unconscious in bed, EKG monitor
beeping. She's still, peaceful. Until, suddenly --
She BOLTS UP in bed -- eyes manic, staring RIGHT AT US,
screaming angrily --
ZO
IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED!? IS IT!?
Suddenly -- JONESIE THE CAT bounds onto the bed beside her,
claws bared, emitting a deafening HISS as we --
SMASH TO:
INT. TENT -- NIGHT
Mildred WAKES with a gasp, cutting the nightmare short. She
sits up, breathing hard, eyes wild. She grabs Strawn's arm,
shaking it --
Strawn stirs awake, looking up at her, confused --
STRAWN
What? What is it?
She just looks at him, embarrassed.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
If you're going to wake me up in
the middle of the night, at least
tell me why.
He sits up, moving closer, paternal softness taking over --
77.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Hey. What is it?
MILDRED
I had a bad dream and now I need a
wee. I don't want to go on my own.
He sees the real vulnerability in her eyes.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Please?
STRAWN
Yeah. Sure. Okay.
EXT. TENT -- DAWN
The sky is bruise-purple, pre-dawn. Birds chatter in the
trees.
Strawn and Mildred emerge from the tent. Strawn pulls on his
boots, heaving and huffing tiredly.
EXT. HILLSIDE
In the half-light -- Mildred and Strawn traipse up a hillside
in silence.
EXT. WOODS
Dark woods, damp from yesterday's downpour. Strawn and
Mildred approach a clump of bushes.
MILDRED
Stay here.
Strawn yawns, nodding. Mildred heads into the bushes.
Strawn moves to the edge of the woods, looking out at the
vast dim expanse beyond.
And there, at the bottom of the hillside --
A TENT, illuminated from within. Two shadowy forms are
discernible inside. Their hands move, gesticulating.
Mildred walks to Strawn's side, seeing what he's seeing.
From inside the tent, faint VOICES. One male, one female.
Raised, angry... in the midst of an argument.
Strawn glances at Mildred, who furrows her brow.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
You hear those voices?
78.
STRAWN
Yeah..?
MILDRED
It's them.
STRAWN
Who?
MILDRED
John, Paul, Ringo and George. Who'd
you think? The buggers who
"kidnapped" me. Took our
belongings. Left us for dead.
Perhaps you remember them?
Strawn considers this.
STRAWN
What do we do?
MILDRED
Isn't it obvious?
STRAWN
Obvious? No, it's not obvious. It's
actually very far from obvious.
Mildred creeps down the hill, towards the tent.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Hey, wait. Where are you going?
MILDRED
I'm going to pick a fight.
Strawn moves, heading after her, nervous...
STRAWN
Hold on!
EXT. TENT
Mildred hides behind a bush, close to the tent.
Strawn scrambles to her side, breath fast and shallow.
He's about to speak, but Mildred motions him to hush.
MILDRED
(whispered)
Shh. Listen...
Strawn leans forward, peering out at the tent.
79.
Arnold and Angelina's VOICES emanate from within -- a heated
argument is underway between the two. Accusations are hurled,
egos skewered --
ARNOLD (O.S.)
I know you've been seeing Ronnie
Reynolds.
ANGELINA (O.S.)
Christ, not this again. He's just a
friend.
ARNOLD (O.S.)
Why did I find his laser-pointer
under our bed, then?
ANGELINA (O.S.)
Now, hold up. I can explain.
Strawn looks to Mildred, awkward.
STRAWN
(whispered)
Being an adult... it's, you know...
I mean, relationships... they're
just so complicated, and--
MILDRED
(whispered)
Shhhh. Listen.
Mildred leans forward, listening.
In the tent, Arnold and Angelina continue --
ANGELINA (O.S.)
Look. I'm knackered. Tiring
business, kidnapping and extortion.
I need to sleep. Can we iron this
out in the morning?
ARNOLD (O.S.)
You're a deep-fried anus on a
stick. And so is Ronnie Reynolds.
ANGELINA (O.S.)
Oh, you silver-tongued devil. Sweet
dreams to you too.
Inside the tent, the light clicks off.
Strawn looks at Mildred.
STRAWN
You're not seriously going to sneak
into their tent, are you?
80.
MILDRED
I'm seriously going to sneak into
their tent, yes.
Before Strawn can respond, Mildred continues --
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Here's the plan. I'm going in. I'm
going to grab their bag. I'm going
to throw it to you, like a rugby
ball. You're going to catch it, and
we both just sprint. Back to our
tent.
STRAWN
What, and lead them straight to our
headquarters?
MILDRED
Yeah. You're totally right.
He nods, savoring the small victory. She glances around.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
We're going to run up that hill
over there.
She points to a distant foothill, steep and jagged.
STRAWN
What if they catch us?
MILDRED
They won't.
STRAWN
Why?
MILDRED
Because I'm going to steal their
boots and snap the tent zipper off.
STRAWN
That is officially the craziest
thing I've ever heard.
MILDRED
I know. I'm bloody jazzed too.
Okay, let's move with maximum speed
and stealth. Go, go, go.
STRAWN
Wait, wait, wait...
MILDRED
No, no, no...
81.
She rolls out from behind the bush, creeping towards the
tent, slowly. Strawn follows, nervous.
AT THE TENT
Mildred drops to a crawl. She listens carefully --
Silence from inside the tent.
She nods to Strawn, who crouches down, scared. Slowly, with
great concentration, Mildred begins to unzip the tent.
She peers in --
INSIDE THE TENT
Arnold and Angelina are asleep in separate sleeping bags.
Mildred takes a deep breath, and sloooooowly crawls inside.
STRAWN
Watches the tent nervously, nibbling his fingernail,
muttering to himself.
He waits. He looks at the horizon, glowing pink pre-dawn. He
looks back at the tent.
Silence.
Mildred peers out from tent's opening, tossing a RED RUCKSACK
to Strawn -- he catches it, eyes bulging --
Mildred reaches back into the tent, hurls two pairs of hiking
boots into the bush, and slowly closes the zipper down. She
starts to twist the zipper, but --
A YELP from inside the tent -- the LIGHT switches on --
Arnold screams out within --
ARNOLD (O.S.)
What the hell!? Wake up, Syd!
Intruders! We've been robbed!
MILDRED
Go! Run!
Strawn clasps the rucksack tight, breaking into a run, away
from the tent, towards the distant hill --
Mildred frantically snaps the zipper, sprinting from the
tent, catching up with Strawn --
82.
BEHIND THEM
Arnold bursts out of the tent, ripping the zipper seam apart,
shouting with rage...
ARNOLD
Come back here immediately, you
thieving bloody ratbags!
He leaps up, bolting into a BAREFOOT RUN after Strawn and
Mildred --
EXT. FIELD
Strawn and Mildred run -- desperate, frantic --
STRAWN
(breathless)
He's going to catch us!
MILDRED
(breathless)
No he's not!
STRAWN
How can you be so sure!?
MILDRED
Look at the ground!
Strawn looks down as he runs -- beneath his feet, grass gives
way to sharp jagged GRAVEL --
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Not ideal terrain for barefoot
running, I'm sure you'll agree!
Strawn smiles, wild-eyed, as they race towards the hills --
BEHIND THEM
Arnold runs onto the jagged gravel, instantly falling,
clasping his feet in agony, screaming --
ARNOLD
Bastarding ballsacks --
MILDRED AND STRAWN
Speed up, giggling maniacally, stealing glances back at their
felled pursuer --
They make a frantic dash up the hillside, between two
cavernous columns of rock --
83.
EXT. CLIFF
They run to the top of the hill. Mildred's face falls as she
scans the terrain ahead --
They slow down, catching their breath. Arnold's voice echoes
from somewhere in the distance --
ARNOLD (O.S.)
Listen, you muppets! It wasn't
personal before, but it's highly
personal now! I'm going to find you
and I'm going to use lethal karate
moves on you both! I'm not
bluffing!
Mildred looks to Strawn.
MILDRED
I've made a catastrophic blunder.
STRAWN
What? Why?
MILDRED
I appear to have led us to a cliff
edge.
Strawn looks ahead --
They are, indeed, at the precipice of a vertiginous cliff-
edge, precariously lording over a valley 100ft below.
A single mossy ROPE hangs slack across the chasm to an
opposite cliff-face. The final remnants of an ancient rope-
bridge, perhaps.
STRAWN
We can just slowly amble back to
our tent now, right?
MILDRED
Not yet. Wait a minute.
Mildred opens the pilfered rucksack --
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Let's make sure we've still got the
proof.
She pulls out the video camera with trembling hands,
muttering a silent prayer to herself.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Please... please... please...
84.
She pushes the REWIND button... then PLAY --
CUT TO:
CAMERA FOOTAGE
POV of Arnold in the tent, tiredly staring right at us.
Angelina must be holding the camera --
ANGELINA (O.S.)
This is a pukka little camera.
Crisp HD visuals. You look
handsome, pet.
Arnold stares daggers into the lens... accusingly...
ARNOLD
Do I look as handsome as Ronnie
Reynolds?
ANGELINA (O.S.)
Now wait just a mi--
CUT TO BLACK:
EXT. CLIFF
Mildred, glassy-eyed, pushes STOP on the camera.
MILDRED
No... They recorded over it...
Mildred lowers the camera, face constricted in rage. She's
about to speak, but suddenly freezes, noticing SOMETHING --
STRAWN
Fifty grand, gone... again.
MILDRED
(whispering)
Strawn... we may have more pressing
issues right now.
STRAWN
What could possibly be more
pressing than this?
Mildred puts her finger to her lips.
Strawn slowly follows her gaze, gasping when he sees --
THE PANTHER
CAMOUFLAGED IN NEARBY BUSH, BLOCKING THEIR PATH, yellow EYES
fixed on them, a rope of saliva swinging from its maw --
85.
STRAWN
Yeah. That's quite pressing.
MILDRED
My thoughts exactly.
STRAWN
What do we do? Make ourselves big
and loud? Or was it quiet and
still?
She eyes the panther, reading its gestures...
MILDRED
No. He's hungry. They get bold when
they're hungry. They take risks.
STRAWN
Oh god...
MILDRED
As far as he's concerned, the
kitchen is open. You're the bangers
and I'm the mash.
Mildred returns the camera to the rucksack, hooking it over
her shoulder -- she gets up slowly, backing away.
STRAWN
Maybe there's food in their bag.
MILDRED
Reach in and have a look. Slowly.
No sudden moves.
Strawn carefully unzips the rucksack, reaching in, rummaging
around, finally pulling out --
A dried-up ham sandwich, wrapped in cellophane.
STRAWN
Do panthers eat ham sandwiches?
MILDRED
Let's find out.
Strawn unwraps the sandwich, gingerly tossing it down in
front of the panther, who looks at it with disdain -- then
back at Mildred and Strawn, growling, ready to pounce.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Apparently not.
Strawn looks around -- desperate, panic-stricken -- towards
the cliff's SHEER EDGE -- and the primitive moss-covered ROPE
slung out across the chasm.
86.
STRAWN
(whispered)
I have a dumb question.
MILDRED
(whispered)
In potentially fatal Big Cat
encounters, there are no dumb
questions.
STRAWN
Okay. Can panthers climb ropes?
She glances at the rope, making mental calculations.
THE PANTHER GROWLS hungrily, edging CLOSER towards them...
MILDRED
No, they can't.
They back away, hearts pounding...
Strawn stares at the panther, who begins prowling closer...
FANGS bared, salivating...
MILDRED (CONT'D)
On three, Strawn.
Strawn cringes, petrified.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
One. Deep breaths.
The Panther ROARS, ready to pounce...
Mildred steps closer to the edge...
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Two. Dry your hands.
Strawn whimpers, wiping his sweaty hands on his shirt...
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Three. Don't look down. GO!
Time slows to a crawl. Sound drains to a hollow rumble, as --
Mildred JUMPS for the rope --
The PANTHER leaps towards Strawn --
Strawn cries out, JUMPING off the cliff's edge --
SMASH TO:
87.
EXT. ROPE BRIDGE
Mildred and Strawn grab the rope, gripping on for dear life,
bodies flailing, legs kicking -- narrowly evading --
THE PANTHER, who pounces to the cliff edge, CLAWS swatting
futilely, ROARING in anger --
STRAWN
Move! Lets go! Quick!
MILDRED
Wait, wait.
STRAWN
What is it? What's wrong?
MILDRED
Stop moving.
STRAWN
Because..?
MILDRED
I think I can film it.
STRAWN
Are you kidding? You're going to
get us killed... get across, NOW!
MILDRED
But what if it disappears?
STRAWN
There's a time and a place for
filming wildlife, and guess what?
It's not now, and it's not here!
Mildred starts climbing underneath the rope, monkey-bar
style. Strawn follows, teeth gritted. But SUDDENLY --
The rope starts moving side to side. Strawn looks back and
sees the panther swatting at the bridge.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
It's going to tear the rope!
Mildred looks back, eyes bulging -- defensive veneer
shattered, just a petrified kid now. She starts moving
faster.
MILDRED
I can't hold on... my hands are
slipping...
STRAWN
You can do it... keep going...
88.
The rope begins FRAYING --
The pace escalates -- a primal ROAR booms around them --
STRAWN (CONT'D)
We're going to make it...
MILDRED
(looking back)
I don't like this...
Mildred panics. Her strength gives way --
MILDRED (CONT'D)
No!
She's dangling by one arm, strength fading -- she looks at
Strawn with terror -- her fear just amplifies his own --
STRAWN
No, no...
MILDRED
I can't hold on! Help!
Mildred's hand LOSES ITS GRIP -- she lets go of the rope,
SCREAMING as she drops --
MILDRED (CONT'D)
No!
Strawn's hand appears out of nowhere, grabbing Mildred's,
tight --
Mildred SWINGS below Strawn now, screams echoing off rock --
STRAWN
I've got you. I've got you.
She just stares up at him, helpless.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
I told you I had the wrist strength
of a professional wrestler. Did you
believe me?
MILDRED
Honestly... no.
Before Strawn can respond --
The rope's threads SNAP more!
Mildred immediately starts trying to grab the rope with her
free hand -- swaying wildly, YELLING out --
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Come on, come on..!
89.
THE PANTHER
At the precipice, growls and swats at the rope --
STRAWN
Tries to reach Mildred's flailing HAND --
STRAWN
Stop moving. Stay calm. I've got
you. Hey...
(simmering)
I've got you.
Mildred silently nods, surrendering...
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Now reach over and gra-
SNAP!
R.I.P rope.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
HOLD ON!
They DROP, swinging in a Tarzan arc towards the other side of
the ravine, both SCREAMING --
Their bodies SLAM against the rock face with a ghastly crack,
blasting the air out of them.
THE PANTHER
Cocks its head, confused by their sudden disappearance. It
turns, creeping off, gone.
CUT TO:
EXT. RAVINE
STRAWN'S FACE. Pale, eyes half-open, drifting in and out of
consciousness, muttering to himself in a daze --
STRAWN
(delirious)
Get a drink... have a good time
now... welcome to paradise...
He's lying on his back at the bottom of the ravine, a small
bloody wound on his forehead.
He blinks, regaining consciousness, disoriented.
A muffled sound resolves into focus --
90.
SCREAMING, ringing out from somewhere close -- loud and
desperate --
He turns, eyes widening when he sees --
MILDRED, lying nearby. Her elbow is dislocated, at a
grotesque angle. A large TREE has fallen on her, pinning her
legs. She cries out --
MILDRED
Please! Help!
Strawn weakly hoists himself up, trembling. His clothing is
torn, knees bloody, hands grazed.
He staggers to Mildred's side, looking at her in horror --
STRAWN
Jesus...
She cries in pain, looking up at him with desperate
vulnerable eyes --
MILDRED
Help me... help me... please oh god
help me...
Panic washes over him. He looks at the TREE pinning her
little legs down. He goes to grab it, but she shouts out --
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Ow Ow! No, no! Don't move it...
He looks at her dislocated elbow. He winces, face ashen...
STRAWN
It's going to be okay, Mildred.
You're going to be fine. Looks like
you've just got...
(wincing)
A sore elbow.
MILDRED
(pained, breathless)
It's dislocated... and... the tree
has crushed my legs...
STRAWN
Oh Jesus.
He stifles a wave of nausea.
MILDRED
(breathless)
Psilocybe Makarorae.
STRAWN
What?
91.
MILDRED
Mushrooms.
STRAWN
Why are you talking about
mushrooms?
MILDRED
For... the pain...
He nods, frantic, getting it.
She glances toward a WOODED AREA nearby -- dark,
foreboding...
He sees the woods, clenching his jaw, dry-swallowing.
He staggers off, breaking into a run towards the woods --
She lies back, letting out a pained whimper.
EXT. WOODS
Strawn rushes into the woods, frantically scanning for fungi.
STRAWN
Mushrooms... mushrooms... come on,
where are you?
He walks deeper into the woods, which seem to darken with
each step he takes.
Twigs snap somewhere. A low howl... wind, or beast?
He steels himself, muttering, burying the fear...
STRAWN (CONT'D)
I'm not scared... I'm not scared...
I'm not scared...
He steps forth, coming face-to-face with --
Another WETA, perched on a dangling vine, staring right at
him. It braces itself, ready to jump...
He stares at it, with a newfound iron resolve --
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Don't even think about it, you ugly
bastard.
The Weta stands down, seemingly getting the message.
Strawn carries on, venturing further into the dark woods.
Then --
92.
He drops to his knees, seeing a clump of fungi around the
base of a damp tree.
He looks at the various species of fungus, unsure which are
Psilocybe Makarorae.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Dammit... which ones are you?
Brown? Spots? Oh, come on...
From afar, Mildred lets out another SCREAM --
Strawn nods to himself, resolved --
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Screw it.
He grabs at the mushrooms, picking them all, bunching them up
in his hands, racing back out of the woods --
EXT. RAVINE
Strawn rushes back to Mildred, mushrooms in his hands --
STRAWN
I got them all. Just nod which ones
are the magic ones when I hold them
up, okay?
Her face is clenched in pain, skin pale and sweaty.
She stares at the mushrooms, nodding at a clump of brownish
conical ones when Strawn raises them --
STRAWN (CONT'D)
How much?
Mildred is nearly passing out from pain, forcing Strawn to
make a fast judgement call.
He breaks some of the mushroom's head off with trembling
fingers --
STRAWN (CONT'D)
Here...
He raises the mushroom sliver to her mouth. She chews it,
swallowing, gasping...
STRAWN (CONT'D)
How long do they take to kick in?
MILDRED
... hold... hold my hand...
He crouches beside her, taking her hand -- she jolts in pain,
letting out another guttural scream --
93.
She grimaces, looking up at the sky --
BIRDS streak across the cobalt morning sky. They move fast,
skittering, like animals in time-lapse.
Strawn squeezes Mildred's hand gently. He looks at her with
sorrow and shame.
STRAWN
I'm so sorry.
She just looks up at him. No pithy comeback. Just a scared
little girl holding her dad's hand.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
I guess this is better than being a
panther's bangers and mash, though.
She tries to smile, but the pain is too much. She looks up at
the sky again. It seems deeper blue now. Brighter.
All SOUND seems suddenly distant, echoing, hollow...
She looks at Strawn, face slackening...
Her breath slows down...
MILDRED
I think it's starting to work.
I feel fizzy. Like I've got Lemon &
Paeroa in my veins.
(off his look)
Lemon & Paeroa is a popular fizzy
drink here.
He looks at her, guilty.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
What are you thinking?
STRAWN
I'm thinking that between getting
you kidnapped and feeding you
psychedelics, I've secured my place
on the Mount Rushmore of
disappointing dads.
MILDRED
Oh, your place was secured long
before all of that.
He looks hurt, guilty. She smiles, slightly dazed...
MILDRED (CONT'D)
I'm kidding. It's great. It's all
great.... You're great. I'm great.
The planet, it's great.
(MORE)
94.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Lemon & Paeroa is great. Really,
you should try it sometime.
HER POV -- the sky brightens, deepens, streaks of light
emanating from the sun like glowing tendrils.
REALITY -- she looks at Strawn. She suddenly bursts into a
fit of breathless giggling.
STRAWN
What's so funny?
MILDRED
Light waves. They're hilarious,
aren't they?
STRAWN
Oh god... did I give you too much?
I gave you too much, didn't I?
She giggles uncontrollably, gasping for breath. She calms
herself down, looking up at him --
MILDRED
Can you pop my elbow back into
place now?
He looks at her dislocated elbow, horrified, squeamish.
STRAWN
How?
MILDRED
You know how it doesn't look like a
normal arm now? Just make it look
like a normal arm. Make it
straight. Pop. Snap. Straight.
He moves toward her arm. He clasps her bicep with one hand,
her forearm with his other.
She smiles, blissful.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
This is the easy part. You've still
got that bloody great tree to get
off my legs. Come on, dad.
STRAWN
(stunned)
What did you say?
MILDRED
What? Nothing.
STRAWN
You called me dad.
95.
MILDRED
No I didn't.
STRAWN
Yes you did.
MILDRED
Really?
(smiles)
I must be tripping.
He smiles faintly.
STRAWN
Ready?
She nods to him, approving. And --
SNAP! He pops her elbow back into place.
She gasps, relieved. She bursts into laughter again.
HER POV -- Strawn glows, celestial, reality throbbing and
undulating --
REALITY -- Strawn looks down at her, then to the tree on her
legs.
He gets up, trying and failing to lift the tree.
STRAWN (CONT'D)
I can't do it... it's too heavy.
MILDRED
No it's not.
STRAWN
I can't do it.
She smiles, looking up at him, dazed...
MILDRED
Ace of Hearts...
STRAWN
What..?
MILDRED
The one you threw... at the
window... remember? I lied... I was
just winding you up... that was my
card...
That hit Strawn. He nods, clasping the tree again.
96.
MILDRED (CONT'D)
(fading)
You can do this, dad... levitate...
magic... I believe in... in...
HER POV -- through swirling pulsating light, Strawn clasps
the tree tight --
MILDRED watches, eyes wide, rapt...
HER POV -- Strawn strains to lift the tree...
MILDRED watches. Tears well in her eyes...
MILDRED (CONT'D)
Oh... god...
HER POV -- Strawn, as if by magic, begins to RISE OFF THE
GROUND, clasping the tree...
MILDRED stares up at him, in disbelief --
MILDRED (CONT'D)
You're levitating... you're...
actually levitating...
HER POV -- STRAWN RISES, levitating, tree held in his arms --
he rises, higher and higher, casting the tree aside with
ease.
Suddenly, the light BRIGHTENS even more, engulfing all we
see, image burning up as we --
FLASH TO:
WHITE.
Endless, infinite, pristine.
Birds chirp. Grass rustles in the breeze.
We slowly resolve into an IMAGE --
EXT. MEADOW -- DAY
Strawn, cradling the sleeping Mildred in his arms, wading
through long grass.
His face is haggard and bloody, lips cracked.
He moves with purpose and resolve.
Mildred stirs in his arms. Her eyes blearily open. She looks
up at him, vulnerable, a child... a real child.
97.
MILDRED
(whispered, rasped)
I've had... enough of camping. Take
... me home...
He smiles tiredly.
STRAWN
What's the magic word?
MILDRED
I love you... with all my heart...
He looks stunned, moved. She passes out again. He holds her
tighter -- marching on, determined.
EXT. PARKING AREA
Strawn carries Mildred through woodlands, struggling, each
step an arduous effort.
EXT. PARKING LOT
He carries her onto the threshold of the small parking lot.
In it, a JEEP is idling. Nearby --
ARNOLD AND ANGELINA are standing, in the midst of an
argument, oblivious to Strawn and Mildred's presence.
ARNOLD
I drive!
ANGELINA
It was your fault we lost them, so
I get to drive.
ARNOLD
You're carrying on with Ronnie
Reynolds, so I get to drive!
Behind them -- Strawn silently opens the jeep's back door,
placing Mildred and the RED RUCKSACK on the back seat.
ARNOLD (CONT'D)
I drive! I drive! I DRIVE!
ANGELINA
Oh shut up, Jethro. Just shut up
and stay shut up forever.
ARNOLD
You stay shut up forever.
Behind them -- Strawn gets into the jeep's driver's seat --
firing up the engine, speeding out of the lot --
98.
Arnold and Angelina just stare in disbelief as the jeep
speeds off.
ARNOLD (CONT'D)
Those muppets are worse than us!
INT. JEEP
Strawn drives fast, pedal to the metal. He glances at the
half-asleep Mildred in the rear-view mirror --
STRAWN
It's okay... everything's going to
be okay... I promise...
EXT. MOUNTAIN ROAD
FROM ABOVE: The car tears off down a vertiginous winding
road, kicking up dust --
INT. JEEP
Strawn, one hand on the wheel, grabs his recovered iPhone,
attempting to shoot a video of Mildred whilst driving --
STRAWN
Smile for your Mum. She'll never
believe this.
MILDRED
(pained)
Shouldn't you be watching the road?
Dad!
Strawn turns, looking forward -- eyes wide as he sees --
THE PANTHER
Standing motionless in the road, right up ahead -- about to
get hit --
STRAWN
Look out!
Strawn swerves hard to avoid the beast, as we --
SMASH TO BLACK:
OVER BLACK
A deafening cacophony -- metal crushed, glass shattered.
Silence. Then --
99.
Breathing. Laboured. Fast. The chirp of an EKG MONITOR, as we
FADE TO:
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM
Mildred's eyes open, adjusting to the fluorescent light.
She's on a hospital bed, face scraped up, head bandaged, leg
in a plaster cast. She slowly glances to her right --
STRAWN sleeps peacefully on a bed next to hers. His legs are
elevated in plaster casts.
Mildred looks to her left -- Mother ZO, head bandaged, sleeps
in a bed on her other side, an EKG monitor chirping steadily.
Mildred takes her hand, holding it. With her other, he takes
Strawn's hand, gently squeezing it. Strawn stirs, a faint
smile on his face, a murmur... Then --
Mildred's CAT inexplicably prowls into the room, jumping onto
her bed, purring. Mildred closes her eyes, a dazed smile
creeping across her face.
The family lie there, reunited.
FADE OUT:
CREDITS ROLL
Credits begin, but are interrupted by STATIC VIDEO FUZZ,
resolving into --
IPHONE CAMERA FOOTAGE
We see MILDRED IN THE CAR, panicked, staring past the lens --
MILDRED
Shouldn't you be watching the road?
Dad!
The camera WHIP-PANS from rear to front, and through the
windscreen of the jeep --
We catch the PANTHER, clear as day -- and we FREEZE FRAME.
Proof it's real.
THE END
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