Serial Mom, by John Waters
SERIAL MOM
by
John Waters
Second Draft: July 22, 1992
1. Film opens with prologue title: "This is a true
story. The screenplay is based on court testimony,
sworn declarations, and hundreds of interviews
conducted by the film-makers". Fade out.
Fade in to second prologue title: "Some of the
innocent characters' names have been changed in the
interests of a larger truth". Fade out.
Fade in to final prologue title: "No one involved
in the crimes received any form of financial
compensation". Fade out.
2. Establishing shot of upper-middle class suburban home.
We hear on the soundtrack the daily morning chatter
of a family rushing to get to work and school.
Subtitle appears: "2815 Calverton Court. The
Sutphin Family". Fade out.
Second subtitle fades in: "Friday, September 18th,
1992. 7:08am". Fade out.
3. Interior cheery, bright SUTPHIN kitchen. CREDITS
BEGIN.
MOM, BEVERLY, a trim, fortyish, pretty Betty Crocker
of the 90's, grabs the toast as it pops up and
butters it. She waves cheerfully out the kitchen
window to the passing GARBAGEMEN on the back of a
Baltimore County garbage truck and then turns to her
husband and children and expertly begins to serve
breakfast.
DAD, EUGENE, the ultimate nice guy and a dentist by
trade, divides the morning paper up between himself
and son CHIP, a cute semi-hip kid who is still in
high-school. Daughter, MISTY, a pretty and slightly
overweight college student, frantically prices the
junk she plans on selling at the flea market after
classes while gulping down a light breakfast.
MOM
Who wants fruit salad?
MISTY
I do, please.
MOM
(Hesitating)
That's not gum in your mouth,
is it?
MISTY
(Removing it)
It's sugarless.
MOM
(Gently)
You know how I hate gum,
Misty. All that chomping
and cheesing...
(Begins serving her)
MISTY
Sorry, Mom. Thanks.
(To her brother, as she
prices a record album)
Hey, Chip, think I could get
50c for Vanilla Ice.
CHIP
I wouldn't give ya a nickle.
MISTY
(Dreamily)
Carl can't believe how much I
make at swap meets.
MOM
(Rolling her eyes good-naturedly)
And who may I ask is Carl?
MISTY
Just a boy. He's picking me up
this morning.
CHIP
Here we go again.
MISTY
He's really cute!
MOM
(Watching the cute little
birds nibbling seed from
the bird-feeder in kitchen
window)
Cute is not enough, Misty.
You know that.
CHIP
She sure can pick 'em!
MISTY
(Exasperated)
He goes to college with me!
DAD
Leave her alone, Chip.
(To MOM)
I think it's great she has a
new beau, Beverly.
MOM smiles kindly, picks up a box of cereal in each
hand and turns to the family.
MOM
Cereal anybody?
Title "SERIAL MOM" appears on the screen.
DAD
Just a little, please. Bad
for the teeth.
CHIP
Always the dentist.
MOM
Chip, honey?
CHIP
Thanks, Mom.
As MOM serves the cereal, she spots a lone fly as it
lands on the butter dish. Without letting on to her
family, she grabs a flyswatter and begins stalking
the fly with a terrifying intensity, its buzzing
enough to make MOM's head explode.
DAD
(Reading paper)
Look at this!
(Reading out loud in disgust)
"Hillside Strangler gets his
college degree in prison!"
MOM
(Preoccupied, stalking fly)
That's nice.
DAD
Nice?! He should have been
executed!
MISTY
He killed people, Mom.
MOM
(To herself)
We all have bad nights.
(Gets ready to swat, but fly
buzzes off)
CHIP
(To MISTY)
You'd probably date him!
(Mimicking her)
He's cu-uuute! Hey, Dad, did
you ever see "Henry, Portrait of
a Serial Killer?"
DAD
I certainly did not.
MISTY
You've been working in that
video shop too long.
DAD
And all that gore better hadn't be
interfering with your schoolwork.
MOM stalks fly as it lands on CHIP's toast as the
rest of the family remains oblivious to MOM's
building anger.
CHIP
I do great in school, Dad.
(Eats toast as fly buzzes off)
A sickened and rage-filled MOM stalks the fly to
DAD's orange juice glass where it secretes on the
rim in closeup.
DAD
Well, your mother's going to PTA
today. We'll see what your
teacher has to say.
(Takes a big gulp as fly buzzes away)
CHIP
(Giving a pleading look to MOM as
the buzzing of the fly builds in
intensity on the soundtrack)
Aw, Mom! I hate Mr. Stubbins!
MOM
(Moving in for the kill, hissing
the words in a rage)
Don't say the word "hate", honey.
"Hate" is a very serious word!
MOM swats violently and we see fly splat in bloody
closeup. ("Directed by John Waters" credit appears).
Family is suddenly silent as they uneasily look up
in surprise at MOM's ferocious attack.
MOM quickly wipes up squashed fly and smiles back at
her family.
MOM
There. All better.
(Suddenly all innocence)
Anybody for scrambled eggs?
END OF CREDITS.
A loud banging is heard on the back door. MOM jumps up
guiltily.
DAD
(Getting up from table)
Who on earth...?
MOM opens door to two police detectives in plain
clothes. DETECTIVE MOORE is younger and more rugged
than the older more world-weary DETECTIVE BRADFORD.
DET. MOORE
Mrs. Sutphin?
MOM
(Nervously)
Yes?
DET. MOORE
(Shows badge)
I'm Detective Moore and this
is Detective Bradford.
Subtitle appears "7:26am" and then fades out.
DAD
(Taking over)
I'm Dr. Eugene Sutphin. What's
the trouble, officer?
CHIP
(Excitedly)
Is there a killer loose?
DET. MOORE
No son, nothing that exciting.
MOM
This is my son, Chip...and my
daughter, Misty.
MISTY
(Inappropriately making eyes
at the younger cop)
Hi!
CHIP
(Seeing MISTY flirting)
Jeeezzz!
MOM
Det. Bradford, I'm sorry but
we don't allow gum chewing
in this house.
(Hands him a paper napkin)
DET. BRADFORD
(Spitting his gum into
paper napkin)
Sorry, ma'am.
(To MOM and DAD, taking out
an envelope)
We're investigating obscene
phone calls and mail threats to
a certain Mrs. Dottie Hinkle.
MOM
I know Dottie!
DAD
She lives right down the street.
DET. BRADFORD
Could you take a look at this...
DET. MOORE
...And tell us of anybody who
might be responsible?
DET. BRADFORD
(As he hands note to MOM and DAD)
I should warn you...this note
contains LANGUAGE.
MOM and DAD open note. In cut-out letters from a
magazine it reads: "I'LL GET YOU PUSSY FACE!"
MOM
(Recoiling)
Oh God, really!
(Hands it back to cop)
This is the limit!
CHIP
Let me see!
DAD
Sorry, son.
(In disgust)
This is a matter for adults.
MOM
Officers, I've never said the
P-word out loud, much less
written it down!
DAD
No woman would!
MOM
(Seeing cute little bird
land on window feeder)
Look officers! Life doesn't
have to be ugly.
(In baby-talk)
See the little birdie? Listen
to his call.
(Imitating bird call)
Peter Pan! Peter Pan! Peter Pan!
CHIP and MISTY roll their eyes in embarrassment as
bird calls back to MOM.
BIRD
Peter Pan! Peter Pan! Peter Pan!
DAD smiles proudly as detectives look at MOM in
amazement.
4. EXTERIOR SUTPHIN HOUSE.
A convertible pulls into driveway driven by CHIP's
best friend, SCOTTY BARNHILL, a handsome but sullen
red-necky teen. Next to him is CHIP's girlfriend,
BIRDIE STUART, a sexy tom-boy with lots of savvy.
Subtitle appears: "7:41am" and then fades out.
5. INTERIOR SUTPHIN KITCHEN.
MOM
Chip, your ride is here.
DAD
(Looking at his watch)
Hey, I'm late for work.
Bye, honey.
(Kisses MOM goodbye)
6. EXTERIOR SUTPHIN HOUSE.
All exit.
DET. MOORE
Thanks for your time, everybody.
MISTY
(Sighing)
Bye, Detective Moore.
BIRDIE
(Leaping out of convertible)
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Sutphin.
DAD
(To cops, getting into his car)
That's Birdie. She's a horror nut
just like my son.
MOM
(Fondly)
Good morning, Birdie. This is
Detectives Moore and Bradford.
BIRDIE
(Overdramatic, feigning horror)
I didn't do it! I swear! Don't
lock me up! I'll take a lie detector!
(Kisses CHIP)
(Good-naturedly to COPS)
Hi ya, boys!
MOM
(Sarcastically to a sullen
SCOTTY in car)
Good morning Scotty!
SCOTTY guiltily looks up from vintage Betty Page
pin-up mag he's reading and toots horn defiantly in
response as MOM grits her teeth.
BIRDIE
Hey Misty, look what I got!
(Pulling it out of bag)
A Pee Wee Herman Doll. Can you
sell it for me at the flea market?
MISTY
(Impressed)
Wow! Still in the box! I sure can!
(Looks up and sees a Trans Am
speeding towards the house)
Oh God, here comes Carl!
DAD pulls off in his car and almost collides with
CARL as he aggressively manoeuvres his car up the
driveway.
CARL PADGETT, a handsome jock climbs out of his car.
CARL
(To MOM)
You must be Mrs. Sutphin.
I'm Carl Padgett.
MOM
Misty's date...
CARL
More of a friend really...
MISTY looks hurt.
MISTY
(To CARL)
See what Birdie gave me to
sell at the flea market?
CARL
(Sneering at Pee-Wee)
That guy's a weirdo.
MOM'S smile freezes on her face as CHIP and BIRDIE
hop in SCOTTY's convertible.
MOM
(Pointing to SCOTTY and
calling out to COPS as they
get into their car)
Now there's something you should
be interested in, detectives. A
grown boy who doesn't wear his
seat belts!
SCOTTY gives MOM a hateful look and peels out.
7. DISSOLVE TO SUBURBAN STREET. DET. MOORE and DET.
BRADFORD sit in their unmarked police car, drinking
coffee and filling out police reports.
DET. BRADFORD
(Once again chewing gum)
Christ, that one was Beaver
Cleaver's mother.
(Imitating her)
Peter Pan! Peter Pan! Peter Pan!
DET. MOORE
(Good-naturedly)
Oh, leave her alone. Mrs. Sutphin's
about as normal and nice a lady
we're ever going to find.
8. INTERIOR BEVERLY AND EUGENE SUTPHIN'S BEDROOM.
MOM is sitting on bed, dialing phone with a
determined expression on her face.
Subtitle appears: "9:37am" and fades out.
In split screen, DOTTIE HINKLE, the harrassed middle
aged neighbor, looks at her ringing phone in her
living room with suspicion and finally answers.
DOTTIE
(Angrily)
Hello.
MOM
(Speaking in disguised voice)
Is this the Cocksucker residence?
DOTTIE
(Rising to the bait
every time)
Goddamn you! STOP CALLING HERE!
MOM
Isn't this 4215 Pussy Way?
DOTTIE
(Furious)
You bitch!
MOM
Let me check the zip - 212 Fuck you?
DOTTIE
The police are tracing your call
right this minute.
MOM
Well, Dottie, how come they're
not here then, Fuck-Face?
DOTTIE
(Red with rage)
FUCK YOU!
(Slams down phone)
MOM giggles to herself like a little kid and
immediately redials the phone.
9. EXTERIOR SUTPHIN HOUSE. BACK DOOR.
ROSEMARY ACKERMAN, MOM's frumpy, brittle, busy-body
next door neighbor, is knocking on door, carrying a
sewing basket.
MRS. ACKERMAN
(Calling out)
Beverly? Beverly darling?
You home?
(She lets herself in)
I know you are...
10. INTERIOR MOM'S BEDROOM.
MOM is laughing to herself listening to ringing
phone while MRS. HINKLE, on split-screen, tries not
to answer. Finally she lunges for it.
DOTTIE
(Answering)
FUCK YOU TOO, YOU ROTTEN WHORE!!
MOM
(Disguising her voice
in prim manner)
I beg your pardon?
DOTTIE
(Horrified but suspicious)
Who is this?
MOM
Mrs. Wilson from the telephone
company. I understand you're
having problems with obscene calls.
DOTTIE
(Mortified)
Yes, I am...I'm sorry Mrs. Wilson..
It's driving me crazy...I've
changed my number twice already...
Please help me!
11. INTERIOR SUTPHIN KITCHEN.
ROSEMARY ACKERMAN walks through kitchen, wipes a
finger on window ledge to check for dust and calls
out Beverly's name.
12. INTERIOR MOM'S BEDROOM.
MOM doesn't hear MRS. ACKERMAN as she continues her
phone conversation with MRS. HINKLE.
MOM
(Still the fake telephone
company representative)
What exactly does this sick
individual say to you?
DOTTIE
I can't say it out loud.
don't use bad language.
13. INTERIOR MOM'S LIVING ROOM.
MRS. ACKERMAN looks up at huge oil portrait of MOM
in ornate frame hanging over couch and calls out
Beverly's name. Hearing muffled voices behind MOM'S
closed bedroom door at the top of the steps, MRS.
ACKERMAN begins to creep up the steps.
14. INTERIOR MOM'S BEDROOM.
Split screen with MOM and DOTTIE HINKLE.
MOM
(Still impersonating)
I know it's hard but we need
the exact words.
DOTTIE
Alright, I'll try...
(Primly)
"Cocksucker". That's what
she calls me.
MOM
(Laughs hideously, begins
speaking in her scary voice)
Listen to your dirty mouth, you
fucking whore!
DOTTIE
(Ballistic)
GODDAMN YOU!
15. INTERIOR HALLWAY OUTSIDE MOM'S BEDROOM.
MRS. ACKERMAN hears muffled shouts and reaches for
door handle.
16. INTERIOR BEDROOM. SPLIT SCREEN BETWEEN MOM AND
DOTTIE.
DOTTIE
MOTHERFUCKER!!
MOM
COCKSUCKER!
(Slams down phone)
MRS. ACKERMAN barges right in bedroom, almost
catching MOM who expertly snaps back to normal
without missing a beat.
MRS. ACKERMAN
Beverly, are you alright?
MOM
Rosemary, honey. Good morning.
I'm fine.
(Taking the sewing basket)
Thanks for remembering.
MRS. ACKERMAN
It's the least I could do.
(Suspicious)
I heard shouting.
MOM opens sewing box to reveal a pair of gleaming
sewing scissors.
MOM
(Slamming it shut)
Just the damn cable TV company.
You know how they are.
Did you hear about Dottie Hinkle?
MRS. ACKERMAN
Yes, I did. It's terrifying!
The police were at my house this
morning.
MOM
Who on earth would want to
harrass poor Dottie Hinkle?
17. EXTERIOR DOTTIE HINKLE'S SUBURBAN HOUSE.
DOTTIE HINKLE, still angry and occasionally cursing
to herself, digs in her prize flower garden out
front of her house behind ornamental wishing-well on
front lawn. Subtitle appears: "2:15pm" and then
fades out.
Cut to MOM, driving happily by in her station wagon
as she waves to DOTTIE.
DOTTIE sees MOM, tries to look cheerful and waves
back.
Cut back to MOM who looks in her rear view mirror,
sees she's not being followed and suddenly screeches
car into a U-turn as MOM's "Psycho Theme" plays on
soundtrack
MOM's face turns to stone as ripple flashback
effects dissolve to that fateful day in the mall
when MOM pulled up to parallel park and DOTTIE
HINKLE stole her place from behind.
Ripple effects dissolve to the present as the wheels
of MOM'S car skid to a stop. The car door opens and
MOM's sensible shoes step out as "Mom Psycho Theme"
builds.
MOM closes car door quietly, watches DOTTIE HINKLE
up the street undetected and then takes the scissors
from her purse and hides them up her sleeve.
As MOM sneaks up street towards DOTTIE, intercut are
obsessional flashbacks of details of the traumatic
parking place incident; MOM'S POV of DOTTIE pulling
into space, DOTTIE'S maddening nonchalance as she
snottily gets out of her car and trots right past
MOM without the slightest apology, MOM'S sputtering
face paralyzed with anger when she realizes there is
nowhere else to park.
Back in the present, MOM starts walking faster and
faster as she sees DOTTIE begin to pack up her
gardening tools to go back inside her house.
Arriving just a second too late as DOTTIE closes the
door behind her, MOM spots a can of gasoline near
DOTTIE's lawnmower. Thinking fast, MOM dumps gas on
DOTTIE's mail in the mailbox on porch, lights it on
fire and runs from the flames, happily throwing a
coin into DOTTIE's wishing well as an afterthought.
MOM walks as fast as possible back to her car, gets
in and pulls off. Smiling evily to herself, she
drives by and sees DOTTIE HINKLE screaming in horror
and trying to beat the fire out with a broom.
18. EXTERIOR TOWSON SENIOR HIGH SCHOOL.
Parking lot is filled and the few last parents are
entering the building for PTA meeting. MOM speeds
into lot and gets out of car. Subtitle appears:
"3:O6pm" and fades out.
19. INTERIOR CLASSROOM.
MR. STUBBINS, Chip's teacher, is winding down a
one-on-one meeting with another mother, who is in
tears.
MRS. TAPLOTTER
But, Mr. Stubbins, my son
studies every night! He's
trying as hard as he can...
MR. STUBBINS
Some teenagers just aren't college
material, Mrs, Taplotter. It's
nothing to cry over. Now, there
are other parents waiting.
(Smugly)
...thank you for taking the time
to come to PTA.
20. INTERIOR SCHOOL HALLWAY. OUTSIDE MR. STUBBINS'
CLASSROOM.
Parents are seated in folding chairs waiting to be
called in to conference. MOM comes rushing down
corridor and other parents greet her.
MRS. STERNER
Hi, Beverly.
MOM
Hi, Betty. Oh, I love your
outfit.
MRS. STERNER
Thanks.
(Snobbily)
It's a Liz Claiborne.
MR. STERNER
Mrs. Sutphin, where's that
husband of yours?
(Making a bad dental joke
and pointing to his teeth)
Feeling "down in the mouth"?!
Hohohohohoho!
MOM
(Smiling through her teeth)
You're soooo funny, Ralph...
MR. STUBBINS leans his head out of classroom and
looks at roll book as MRS. TAPLOTTER leaves, dabbing
her tears with a handkerchief.
MR. STUEBINS
Mrs...Sutphin?
MOM
(Excited)
Right here!
MOM goes in classroom with him.
21. INTERIOR CLASSROOM.
MR. STUBBINS
Mrs. Sutphin, I'm Paul Stubbins,
Chip's math teacher.
MOM
(Shaking hands)
Nice to meet you, Mr. Stubbins.
(Handing him a tin)
A little something I baked.
MR. STUBBINS
(Peeking inside)
Oooohh! A fruit cake. Thank
you, Mrs. Sutphin. Have a seat.
MOM
Bon Appetit!
They sit on opposite sides of his desk.
MR. STUBBINS
Chip is off to a fine start
this year.
(Checking his roll book)
Focused...conscientious...
participates actively in
classroom discussion.
MOM
(Proudly)
He's a good boy.
MR. STUBBINS
(Suddenly serious)
There is one big problem though.
MOM'S smile freezes on her face ever so subtly
MOM
What is it, Mr. Stubbins?
MR. STUBBINS
(Spitting out the words)
His unhealthy obsession with
sick horror films.
MOM
(Relieved)
He is assistant manager of a
video shop...
MR. STUBBINS
(Cutting her off)
That's no excuse for a morbid
imagination. I caught him
drawing this in class last week.
(Unfolds lurid drawing of woman
getting her tongue pulled out
with the title, "Blood Feast")
Is there a problem at home?
MOM
(Shocked)
Certainly not!
MR. STUBBINS
Divorce? An alcoholic relative?
(Knowingly)
Tell me, did Chip torture animals
when he was young?
MOM
(Furious)
No, he did not! We are a loving
supportive family, Mr. Stubbins.
MR. STUBBINS
Well, you're doing something
wrong, Mrs. Sutphin. I'd
recommend therapy for your son.
(Rising from his chair)
Thank you for taking the time
to come to PTA.
22. WIPE TO EXTERIOR HIGH SCHOOL PARKING LOT.
MOM sits behind wheel of station wagon wearing a
scary smile. Subtitle appears: "3:32pm" and fades
out.
MOM sees MR. STUBBINS exit school carrying her tin
of fruit cake. "Mom's Psycho Theme" starts on
soundtrack and she puts her car in gear.
Closeup of wheels of MOM's car beginning to creep
forward
MOM waves innocently to other parents as she stalks
MR. STUBBINS to his car in isolated faculty parking
lot.
A trashy teen girl, LU-ANN, sneaks a joint behind a
bush unnoticed.
Shot of MOM's face staring at MR. STUBBINS in
vengeance.
Over the shoulder shot of MR. STUBBINS walking
directly in MOM's path.
Closeup of MR. STUBBINS looking up and seeing MOM.
He takes a stick of gum from his pocket, unwraps it,
and pops it in his mouth.
MOM's face turns to stone at the last straw of
seeing MR. STUBBINS chewing gum.
MOM's POV of MR. STUBBINS waving to her.
Shot of accelerator being floored by MOM.
Shot of MOM's car peeling out headed straight for
MR. STUBBINS.
MOM's POV of MR. STUBBINS' suddenly terrified
expression.
MR. STUBBINS' POV of MOM'S car speeding at him.
MOM's car hits MR. STUBBINS and sends him flying up
on car hood.
Shot of fruit cake tin hitting ground and rolling.
LU-ANN, the trashy teen girl screams in horror.
MOM turns on windshield wipers to wipe away blood
but they only smear the blood worse.
MOM hits windshield wiper fluid button.
MR. STUBBINS' POV SHOT OF MOM's insanely happy face
through bloodied water.
Suddenly MR. STUBBINS grabs on to side-view mirror
and attempts to grab MOM through side window.
LU-ANN watches in horrified amazement and throws
down joint like it's a hot coal.
MOM starts swerving car but MR. STUBBINS holds on
for dear life, grabbing at MOM, pulling her hair.
MOM struggles and bites his hand like a snapping
turtle.
Shot of sign "SLOW-SPEED BUMPS".
MOM hits speed bump and MR. STUBBINS flies over roof
and lands in a heap behind her.
MOM screeches to a stop.
MOM's POV, through rearview mirror of MR. STUBBINS,
still alive, struggling to his knees.
MOM smiles sweetly.
Closeup of automatic gear shift being thrown into
reverse.
MOM's car backs up swerving in speed towards MR.
STUBBINS.
Low-level MR. STUBBINS' POV of rear of car coming at
him.
MOM'S POV of MR. STUBBINS' desperate struggle to get
out of her path.
Car runs directly over him - THUHP - and chewed up
wad of gum flies out of MR. STUBBINS' mouth.
MOM smiles to herself.
LU-ANN, the only eye-witness, runs away in fear.
MOM peels out and once in main parking lot resumes
waving innocently to other parents as she flees.
MOM swerves car into car wash.
23. INTERIOR CHIP'S BEDROOM.
On CHIP's large video screen plays the ridiculously
dated but still appalling scene from "BLOOD FEAST"
where the madman with the corny, madeup eyebrows
rips a girl's tongue out of her mouth in hokey
special effects.
Subtitle reads "4:22pm" and fades out.
CHIP and BIRDIE are hooting and hollering and eating
popcorn as SCOTTY looks up from his vintage
nudist-camp magazine to watch in real horror and
nausea.
BIRDIE
It's a sheep's tongue!
SCOTTY
Man, I just ate. Turn it off.
CHIP
Rewind it! Let's see it again!
SCOTTY
No! That shit is sickening!
Put on pussy!
BIRDIE
(Torturing SCOTTY)
Look, Dick-Head!
(Gore scene replays)
SLOW-MOTION!
SCOTTY starts to gag and tries to hide it,
BIRDIE
(Looking at screen)
BLOOD FEAST!
CHIP
(Proudly)
The "Citizen Kane" of gore
movies.
SCOTTY looks at gore on video, jumps up to run to
bathroom, yanks open bedroom door and screams when
he sees MOM standing there with a plate of chocolate
chip cookies.
MOM
I don't know what it is about
today, but I FEEL GREAT!
SCOTTY
(Gagging)
Excuse me, Mrs. Sutphin.
He runs past her to the bathroom.
CHIP
Hi, Mom.
BIRDIE
Hi, Mrs. Sutphin.
MOM looks at TV monitor and sees madman taking out
heart of girl. MOM smiles inappropriately.
MOM
(Giggles)
You kids. Now Birdie, I want
you to have a cookie and then
run along home.
CHIP
But Mom, the video's not over.
MOM
No "but mom" for you, young man.
Mr. Stubbins seems to think these
silly movies are interfering with
your studies.
(Turns off video with remote)
BIRDIE
(Rolling her eyes)
Oh, boy!
(Getting ready to leave)
CHIP
Mom, Mr. Stubbins is a nimrod!
SCOTTY comes back in room feeling better.
SCOTTY
Man, that one made me puke!
MOM
(Picking up SCOTTY's nudist
camp magazine and handing it
back to him like it's poison)
You forgot something...
SCOTTY
(Looking around confused)
Are we leaving?
MOM
Yes you are.
SCOTTY guiltily takes back magazine as BIRDIE drags
him out.
BIRDIE
Bye, Mrs, Sutphin.
CHIP
(Affectionately)
Bye, bird-brain, See ya, Scotty.
MOM
Bye, Birdie.
(Sitting down next to CHIP
on his bed)
Chip, honey...I know it's hard
being a teenager but I understand..
I'm your mother and I love you.
CHIP
Oh Mom...
MOM
(Suddenly his buddy)
Can we watch that scene again?
You know, where he rips out
her heart?
(Giggling scarily)
PLEEEASE?
CHIP looks back at his MOM in sudden confusion.
24. SUTPHIN KITCHEN.
SPIN-WIPE to tomato sauce topped meatloaf being
taken out of the oven by MOM. Subtitle appears
"6:30pm" and fades out.
25. SUTPHIN DINING ROOM.
DAD, MISTY and CHIP sit around dining room table.
MOM enters with the meatloaf and a smile.
MOM
(Jokingly)
Ladies and gentlemen, the
perfect meatloaf!
CHIP
Looks good, Mom!
DAD
Nothing like a home cooked
meal, honey.
MOM
Misty, I made your favorite
sesame broccoli...
(Passes it to her)
MISTY
Yummy. Carl says if I lose
ten pounds, he'll take me to
the University of Maryland
Fall Mixer.
MOM
(Appalled)
Misty, if you want to lose
weight go ahead, but do it for
yourself, not for some boy you
barely know.
CHIP
Carl's a jerk!
DAD
He certainly drives like a jerk.
MISTY
(Getting upset)
Carl makes me happy and that
threatens this family, doesn't it?
DAD
Doesn't threaten me, honey.
I'm happy.
MOM
I'm happy too and we want you
to be happy.
CHIP
(Mockingly)
I'm so happy I could shit.
MOM
CHIP! You know how much I
hate the brown word!
Suddenly a scream from outside is heard.
26. EXTERIOR SUTPHIN HOUSE.
ROSEMARY ACKERMAN, the busy-body next door neighbor
is running across lawn from her house to the
Sutphins.
MRS. ACKERMAN
Beverly! Beverly!
27. INTERIOR SUTPHIN DINING ROOM.
Family is getting up from table in alarm.
MOM
That's Rosemary. Something's
wrong!
CHIP and MISTY look at one another and stick fingers
down their throats at mention of MRS. ACKERMAN'S
name.
ROSEMARY ACKERMAN runs in from kitchen in hysterics.
MRS. ACKERMAN
Turn on the news!
(To CHIP)
A teacher at your school has
been murdered!
MISTY
(Appalled)
Murdered?
CHIP
Who?
MRS. ACKERMAN
A Mr. Stubber...or Stubbins.
CHIP
(Horrified)
MR. STUBBINS? That's my
math teacher!
28. INTERIOR SUTPHIN LIVING ROOM.
DAD runs in and turns on TV as family and MRS.
ACKERMAN follow and watch under MOM's framed
portrait on wail.
DAD
What channel?
MRS. ACKERMAN
It's on all of them!
Phone rings. CHIP grabs the receiver.
CHIP
Hello.
We see BIRDIE in split screen.
BIRDIE
(Excited)
Did you hear?
CHIP
What happened?
BIRDIE
This is so cool! It's just like
a horror movie.
ANNOUNCER comes on TV.
CHIP
It's on! I'll call you back!
(Hangs up)
ANNOUNCER
..Police claim the driver of
the hit and run vehicle ran
down the teacher in cold blood
and then backed up over his
body to finish off the job.
Mr. Paul Stubbins was
thirty-eight years old...
DAD
(Mad)
Whoever did it should get the
death penalty!
MOM yawns absentmindedly.
ANNOUNCER
...So far only one eyewitness
has surfaced.
MOM looks up in sudden fear as LU-ANN, the trashy
pot-smoking girl who witnessed murder appears on
screen.
LUANN
It was a blue car...I know that
much!
CHIP
That's Lu-Ann Hodges!
MISTY
She's a pothead!
LUANN
...A blue station wagon...
MRS. ACKERMAN
That's like your car, Beverly,
MOM
(Glaring at MRS. ACKERMAN)
I'm not that bad a driver.
(Disapprovingly at TV screen)
Look at her hair!
(To CHIP)
Turn it off, honey.
CHIP
(He does)
(In shock)
I can't believe Mr. Stubbins
is dead.
MISTY
You said you hated him.
CHIP
Well...he was an asshole...
but he didn't deserve to die!
29. SUTPHIN MASTER BEDROOM.
Wipe to MOM finishing a silent prayer kneeling next
to bed as DAD reads a spy novel under the covers.
Subtitle appears: "10:45pm" and fades out.
DAD
(Putting down his book
as MOM climbs in)
I can't stop thinking about
that poor teacher.
(Turning out light on
his side of bed)
Goodnight, honey. Don't read
late, we've got a big day with
the birds tomorrow.
MOM
(Picking up and leafing through
"The Encyclopedia of Birds")
I've identified every little
birdie we're going to watch
tomorrow on the Eastern Shore.
We see that underneath the cover of the bird book,
MOM is reading "Helter Skelter". She lightly
caresses a picture of Manson and closes the book and
turns out her light.
DAD
Goodnight, honey.
MOM
Don't I get a kiss?
DAD
(Moving closer)
I just thought with all the
sadness...you wouldn't want...
MOM
(Snuggling up)
We have to concentrate on
life, Eugene.
DAD
(Kissing her)
It's fine with me, Beverly.
(Kisses her again more
passionately)
You want to, honey? You
think the kids are asleep?
MOM
We can be real quiet...
DAD
(Getting on top of her)
I love that you're my wife.
MOM
(Getting turned on)
You're not bad yourself,
coo-coo bird...
DAD
(Gently making love to her)
You bring me such peace...
MOM
Oohhhh, Eugene!
DAD
Shhhh..
MOM
(Getting louder)
Oooohhhh.
DAD
Don't wake the kids...
MOM
(Even louder)
Ooohhhh!
30. MISTY'S BEDROOM.
We see MISTY, hair in curlers, pricing junk for flea
market, stop and listen to sounds coming from
parents' bedroom.
31. SUTPHIN BEDROOM.
MOM and DAD are having romantic monogomous sex.
MOM
Oooohhh! Yeah! Yeah!
DAD
(Really turned on)
You're hot tonight, honey...
but be quiet! Shhhh! The kids!
32. CHIP'S BEDROOM.
CHIP looks up from reading "Fangoria Magazine" and
listens in horror to his mother's distant moaning.
33. SUTPHIN BEDROOM.
MOM is panting wildly, a suburban sex machine. DAD
is amazed but hardly complaining.
MOM
Yeah! Oohhhh! Get it!
DAD
Ooh, honey, I'm ready!
Now! Now!
MOM
(In orgasm, wildly thrashing)
Oohhhhh! Yeah! Yeah!
34. HALLWAY BETWEEN CHIP AND MISTY'S BEDROOMS.
CHIP and MISTY open bedroom doors simultaneously,
hear their parents climaxing and look at one another
in complete horror.
Fade to black.
35. Slow fade in to EXTERIOR SUTPHIN HOUSE.
Birds are heard greeting the sunrise with their
happy chirping. Subtitle appears "Saturday,
September l9th, 5:3Oam" and fade out.
36. INTERIOR SUTPHIN BEDROOM.
MOM, dressed for bird-watching day-trip, watches the
cute little chickadees nibbling seed out of her
birdfeeder on lawn through binoculars from bedroom
window. DAD, half-awake, stirs in his bed.
MOM
(Tracking a particularly
cute bird)
There's Dede! He's my favorite
chickadee! He's here every
morning for breakfast.
DAD
(Groggy)
Well, honey, chickadees breed
in Alaska, you know. No wonder
Dede's hungry. It's a long
trip all the way to Baltimore.
MOM continues tracking the bird in her binoculars
until she freezes in horror at the sight of MRS.
ACKERMAN running her mouth next door to DETECTIVES
MOORE and BRADFORD and pointing to MOM's car.
Suddenly the phone rings with jangling intensity.
MOM jumps.
DAD
Hello...
On split screen is obnoxious man from PTA, MR.
STERNER, holding his jaw in pain.
MR. STERNER
Eugene, it's Ralph Sterner.
Got a dental emergency here!
(Moans in pain)
I mean this goddamn tooth is
killing me!
DAD
Well, Mr. Sterner, if you
call my office, I'm sure we
can see you Monday.
MOM starts shaking her head "No" to DAD just in
case.
MR. STERNER
MONDAY?
MRS. STERNER, his wife, grabs the phone.
MRS. STERNER
Eugene, this is Betty Sterner,
He'll die by Monday! The
roots are infected! He might
have a heart attack!
DAD
(Wearily)
All right, Mrs. Sterner...
Nine o'clock.
MOM's face changes to purple rage as she turns to
hide her anger from DAD.
DAD
(Hangs up)
I'm sorry, honey. But the birds
will still be there next week.
MOM
(Turning to face DAD,
suddenly stoic)
It's Ok, Eugene. I understand..
I'll go fix breakfast.
(Exits calmly)
37. INTERIOR HALLWAY OUTSIDE SUTPHIN'S BEDROOM.
MOM's calm turns to immediate rage as she closes
bedroom door and storms her way downstairs as "Mom's
Psycho Theme" blares on soundtrack.
38. CHIP'S BEDROOM
CHIP is sound asleep. MOM enters in a fury.
MOM
(In his ear, loudly)
CHIP!!
CHIP
(Jumping up in fear
from sleep)
God, Mom!
(Looking at her scary face)
What's the matter?
MOM
(Back to normal,
sweetly)
Time to get up, that's all.
You'll be late for work.
CHIP
You scared me.
39. INTERIOR SUTPHIN KITCHEN.
MISTY is sobbing in fury as she sits forlornly with
boxed up flea-market junk. MOM enters and is
startled to see her.
MOM
Honey, what's the matter?
MOM looks out back window in alarm to see DET. MOORE
snooping through her box of recycled newspapers as
DET. BRADFORD noses around her station wagon.
MISTY
I'm stoodup! I'll kill
that bastard!
MOM
Don't say words unless you
mean them, Misty.
(Starts fixing breakfast)
COPS bang loudly on door. MOM jumps.
MISTY
It's him!
MOM
No, honey, it's the police.
(Opens back door)
Hello, officers.
Subtitle appears "7:10am" and then fades out.
DET. BRADFORD
Good morning, Mrs. Sutphin.
MISTY
(Subtly unbuttoning her
blouse one button)
Hi, Detective Moore.
DET. MOORE
(Embarrassed)
Morning, Misty.
(All business)
Mrs. Sutphin, I presume you heard
of the death of Mr. Stubbins.
MOM
A fine man. A good teacher...
DET. BRADFORD
(Reading from notes)
Contrusions...fractures...
rupture of numerous vital
organs...
MOM
(In sympathy)
What a mess.
MOM sees SCOTTY pull up in driveway with BIRDIE in
his convertible.
MOM
(Seeing MISTY's eyes light
up at hearing a car)
No, honey, it's just Scotty.
(To COPS)
Scotty, who doesn't wear his
seatbelts!
DAD and CHIP enter kitchen as BIRDIE and SCOTTY
barge in back door.
DAD
Good morning, Detectives.
BIRDIE
(Dramatically)
Nightmare on Calverton Court!
SCOTTY
The Maryland Teacher Massacre!
DET. MOORE
That's not funny, son.
DET. BRADFORD
Did you drive your car to the
PTA meeting yesterday, Mrs.
Sutphin?
MOM
(Buttering toast)
Yes, I did.
DAD
(To cops, getting angry)
Detectives, what is this about?
DET. MOORE
I know this sounds weird,
Mr. Sutphin, but the Department
of Motor Vehicle's computer shows
only one blue station wagon
registered to a parent of any
of Mr. Stubbins' pupils.
DAD
Surely you don't think Beverly
was involved!
SCOTTY
(Hamming it up,
pointing to MOM)
SHE DID IT! Aimed the car right
at Mr. Stubbins and mowed him
down!
MOM
(Quickly staring daggers at
SCOTTY before patiently
addressing COPS)
From what I understand, the
eye-witness is a drug user.
MISTY
I got somebody you could
run over, Mother!
DAD
Misty, that's a terrible
thing to say!
(Putting his arm
protectively around MOM)
Detectives, it's time for you
to leave. My wife knows
nothing about this terrible
...accident.
MOM
(Correcting him)
Murder, honey.
SCOTTY
(Picking up a "People"
magazine with Ivana Trump
on the cover)
Now, here's a babe!
COPS see magazine cover with the "P" in "People" cut
out as in threatening note sent to Mrs. Ackerman.
DET. MOORE
(Suspiciously)
Let's see that, young man.
MISTY
(Whispering to BIRDIE as
she ogles him from behind)
Nice buns!
DET. BRADFORD
"P" as in...
MOM
(Glaring at SCOTTY)
...People who don't mind their
own business.
DAD looks at MOM suddenly, for the first time
showing slight suspicion.
MOM
(To DAD)
It's Mrs. Ackerman's magazine,
honey.
(To COPS)
Look at the subscription label
if you don't believe me.
(Proudly)
I recycle my magazines.
40. Wipe to EXTERIOR MRS. ACKERMAN'S HOUSE.
MRS. ACKERMAN is dumping all her bottles and
newspapers into the rest of her garbage without the
slightest thought of recycling. Subtitle appears
"10:06am" and fades out.
Cut to GUS and SLOPPY, two Baltimore County
sanitation workers as they pick up bags of
neighbors' recycled trash and scowl in hatred at the
environmentally incorrect MRS. ACKERMAN.
41. INTERIOR SUTPHIN KITCHEN.
MOM, now alone, is happily separating her cans and
plastic trash into proper recycle bins as she rocks
out singing along with the Barry Manilow record
"Daybreak" that spins on her high-fi set.
MOM
(Singing and dancing
in place as soulfully
as possible for her)
"It's Daybreak"
If you want to believe
It can be Daybreak!..."
MOM looks out through her kitchen window and sees
MRS. ACKERMAN dumping styrofoam packing chips in
with the rest of her un-recycled garbage. Freezing
in horror, MOM then lunges for MRS. ACKERMAN's
gleaming sewing scissors in borrowed sewing basket
and begins to run out door.
Suddenly MOM sees the friendly GARBAGEMEN waving to
her from truck. She quickly puts back the scissors,
grabs her recyle bags, locates two "miniatures" of
liquor hidden in kitchen cabinet and runs out back
door.
42. EXTERIOR SUTPHIN HOUSE.
MRS. ACKERMAN goes back inside her house as MOM
charges out to meet GARBAGEMEN with her recyclables.
MOM
Don't forget me, boys!
(Holding up blue bags)
All rinsed and ready to
recycle!
GUS
Morning, Mrs. Sutphin.
MOM
Morning, Gus. Hello, Sloppy.
(Sneakily handing them
miniatures)
Here you go. You work hard
for the environment. A little
drink never hurt anybody.
SLOPPY
Thanks, ma'am.
(Takes a big swig)
Damn! Good stuff.
(Looking at MRS. ACKERMAN's
garbage)
Do you believe that goddamn
litterbugger?
MOM
(Fingering a tin can)
I've told her! It takes ninety
to one hundred years for a tin
can to decompose but she still
won't recycle.
GUS
(Also taking a guzzle)
Cost taxpayers millions of
dollars last year but she don't
care about the national budget!
MOM
(Deadly serious)
I HATE Mrs. Ackerman.
"Mom's Psycho Theme" begins building on soundtrack.
GUS
(Drinking, encouraging her)
I hate her too.
SLOPPY
(Getting tipsy, joining
the bull session)
I HATE HER GUTS!
(Egging MOM on, laughing)
Somebody ought to kill her!
GUS
(Joking and drinking)
Yeah, hack her up and recycle
her!
MOM
(Not kidding, in a trance)
For the sake of this planet,
SOMEBODY JUST MIGHT!
"Mom's Psycho Theme" climaxes on soundtrack.
43. INTERIOR ROSEMARY ACKERMAN'S HOUSE.
MRS. ACKERMAN is serving brunch to DOTTIE HINKLE as
they drink beer together and watch "The Joan Rivers
Show" on TV as JOAN interviews a fat woman in her
20's.
JOAN
(On TV)
...But your boyfriend was
convicted of killing twelve
people
HAG
I don't judge him.
TV audience groans.
JOAN
How can you love a
mass-murderer?
HAG
Easy! He's handsome. He's
famous. AND WE GET CONJUGAL
VISITS!
JOAN
(To camera)
SERIAL HAGS! Woman Who Love
Men Who Mutilate! We'll be
right back after this!
DOTTIE
Turn it off.
MRS. ACKERMAN does.
MRS. ACKERMAN
Violence is everywhere these
days
44. EXTERIOR MRS. ACKERMAN'S HOUSE.
MOM runs up to window in a frenzy and freezes at the
sight of DOTTIE HINKLE inside.
45. INTERIOR MRS. ACKERMAN'S HOUSE.
DOTTIE looks over and sees MOM in window and
screams.
MRS. ACKERMAN
(Looking up)
Oh, it's just Beverly.
DOTTIE
She scared me.
MRS. ACKERMAN
(Going to door)
Come in, Beverly. Have some
coffee
MOM
(Entering, back to normal,
being so-o-o-o nice)
Just a half-a-cup.
(To DOTTIE)
Hello, Dottie. I'm so sorry
to hear of your troubles...
DOTTIE
It's not fair!!
MOM
(To MRS. ACKERMAN, noticing
her flower arrangement)
Are those pussy-willows?
MRS. ACKERMAN
(Fixing the coffee)
Dried ones. Aren't they pretty?
DOTTIE freezes in horror when she recognizes the
P-word in MOM's voice.
DOTTIE
(Alarmed)
What did you just say?
MOM
(Evily baiting DOTTIE under
her breath)
PUSSY-willows, Dottie!
MOM purposely knocks MRS. ACKERMAN's Franklin Mint
Faberge Egg off table and sends it crashing to the
floor.
MOM
Dottie! Watch what you're
doing!
DOTTIE
(Horrified to see MOM
is blaming her)
I didn't do it!
ROSEMARY
(Crying out, rushing
to pick up pieces)
My Franklin Mint Faberge Egg!
MOM
(Helping MRS. ACKERMAN)
Dottie didn't mean to be a
clumsy ox. She's sorry,
Aren't you, Dottie?
DOTTIE
(Pleading)
Rosemary, I didn't break your
egg - she did!
MRS. ACKERMAN
You could at least apologize,
Dottie. I collect Franklin Mint!
MOM
And we're going right to the
flea market to get another one!
Misty tells me there's a whole
booth of Franklin Mint stuff.
Dottie, you lock up.
(Evily)
I'll take care of poor Rosemary!
DOTTIE
(Stammering in fear to
MRS. ACKERMAN)
But...but...she...Rosemary, I
heard her voice! It's her, I
tell you, IT'S HER!
46. INTERIOR DAD'S DENTAL EXAMINATION ROOM.
DAD attempts to do dental work on RALPH STERNER, the
"emergency" patient who lets out a blood curdling
scream every time DAD gets the drill anywhere near
his mouth.
DAD
Mr. Sterner, you've lost a tiny
filling. I have to drill deeply
enough to remove all the decay.
MR. STERNER
(Whimpering)
Alright...go ahead...but be
careful, it really hurts!
(Opens mouth)
DAD begins to drill again.
MR. STERNER
OWWWWW'! Goddamn you! You're
hurting me on purpose!
47. DENTAL WAITING ROOM.
MRS. STERNER, reading an old issue of Newsweek, with
Jeffrey Dahmer on the cover, jumps up and runs to
her husband past the RECEPTIONIST.
48. INTERIOR DAD'S EXAMINATION ROOM.
MRS. STERNER
(Running in)
Are you ok, Ralph?
DAD
Mrs. Sterner, please stay in
the waiting room!
MR. STERNER
Help me, Betty! He's worse
than the dentist in "The
Marathon Man"!
RECEPTIONIST
(Poking her head in)
Sorry to interrupt, Dr. Sutphin,
but there's two police detectives
here to see you...
49. INTERIOR DAD'S TINY OFFICE.
DET. MOORE and DET. BRADFORD wait grim-faced in the
office. Subtitle appears "10:35am" and fades out.
DAD
(Entering)
What is it, officers?
My patient is waiting.
DET. MOORE
Dr. Sutphing is your wife a
big reader?
DAD
Bird books mostly...
DET. BRADFORD
Like these we found in
her garbage?
(Showing him the book)
"Urge To Kill". "Mass Murder
in Houston"?
DAD
I'm sure those are my son,
Chip's books.
DET. MOORE
No, they're your wife's. We
checked, She bought them
down at "The Browse and Learn
Bookshop" along with a few other
titles...
DET. BRADFORD
(Reading from notes)
"Helter Skelter", "Hunting Humans",
Master Card reference number 7876.
Dated June 5th.
DAD
(Seeing their suspicions
of MOM are serious)
THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!
DET. BRADFORD
Dr. Sutphin, is you wife mental?
50. OUTDOOR FLEA MARKET. EDMONSON DRIVE-IN THEATER.
Cut to MOM's face, seemingly in the middle of a
frenzy as she jumps around like a crazy person.
Camera pulls back and we see that she is swatting
away a persistent bee as she sits with MISTY at her
flea market table.
Subtitle appears "11:20am" and then disappears.
MOM
Damn these yellow-jackets!
I hate 'em!
MISTY
(Angrily)
Always something isn't it?
(To CUSTOMER)
Can I help you?
CUSTOMER
Just looking.
(Walks away)
MISTY
Thanks for not buying anything!
MOM
Misty, lighten up. It's not
the customer's fault Carl stood
you up!
MOM looks over two rows and sees CARL walking
through the flea market with a SEXPOT DATE. Her
face turns to stone but she doesn't let on to MISTY.
Cut to MRS. ACKERMAN shopping passionately at the
nearby Franklin Mint booth.
MRS. ACKERMAN
(To VENDOR)
Young man, this Faberge Egg is
chipped.
VENDOR
Yes, ma'am, it is.
MRS. ACKERMAN
I'll give you fifty cents.
VENDOR
That's a Franklin Mint piece.
Eight dollars.
MRS. ACKERMAN
Eight dollars?! Franklin Mint
or not, it's damaged goods!
(Puts it back)
MRS. ACKERMAN bends over grumbling and sees a fire
poker marked with a price tag of $6.O0. Sneakily
she switches price tag of $3.00 from another item.
MRS. ACKERMAN
I'll take this instead.
VENDOR
Nice one, huh? Winter's coming.
(Looking at price
momentarily hesit'ating)
Three dollars?...I guess that's
what I marked it...
MRS. ACKERMAN smirks and pays him.
MRS. ACKERMAN comes back to MISTY's booth carrying
fire poker.
MOM
(Seeing MRS. ACKERMAN1s
purchase, but still watching
CARL and SEXPOT DATE in distance)
Did you find your Franklin Mint
egg, Rosemary darling?
MRS. ACKERMAN
I saw one, but it was ridiculously
overpriced!
MOM
(Seeing MRS. ACKERMAN's
fire poker)
You want me to keep that under
the table for you?
MRS. ACKERMAN
If you wouldn't mind...
(Gives it to her)
It was on sale.
Cut to CARL browsing at same Franklin Mint booth
that MRS. ACKERMAN was shopping in earlier. SEXPOT
DATE is drooling over chipped Faberge Egg and
batting her eyes at CARL.
SEXPOT DATE
(In baby talk)
Honey, pleeease? For my little
knick-knack shelf?
CARL
(To VENDOR)
Wrap it up for the little
lady.
Cut to MOM with the fire poker partially concealed
under her coat as she stalks CARL and SEXPOT DATE to
baseball memorabilia booth. MOM pretends to shop
nearby as CARL buys Oriole penant for himself.
MOM follows them to concession stand where CARL
excuses himself for a quick trip to the men's room.
SEXPOT DATE adjusts her cleavage as she waits, much
to the embarrassment of YOUNG BOY walking by.
Realizing the coast is clear, MOM darts into men's
room following CARL.
51. INTERIOR MEN'S ROOM.
CARL is at urinal. Subtitle appears "11:57am" and
fades out. MOM rushes in unnoticed and tries to
enter first booth and finds it locked, She scurries
to next booth and enters.
A male PERVERT in locked booth is drawing dirty
pictures on the wall. He looks down and sees MOM's
shoes under the stall and starts moaning sexually as
he writes "EAT ME" with a magic marker.
Closeup of CARL's face as he pisses like a
racehorse.
PERVERT looks through peep-hole between booths and
sees MOM and moans in silent orgasm.
MOM pulls fire poker out from under her coat.
PERVERT zips up in a panic and flees bathroom in
fear.
Suddenly MOM runs from her booth with fire poker
drawn and skewers CARL in the back at the urinal.
CARL screams in horror as MOM pulls out fire poker
with his liver skewered on the end.
CARL collapses to his knees, his head landing in
urinal.
MOM looks horrified at the liver and tries to shake
it off poker, panicked that someone will come into
men's room.
Closing her eyes in revulsion, she pulls off liver
with her fingertips and throws it on floor.
Running from men's room, she slips in gore, catches
her balance, looks back at CARL's head in urinal,
hesitates and finally runs back to flush toilet
before escaping undetected.
52. MISTY'S FLEA MARKET TABLE.
A hip young couple are buying a hideous amateur oil
painting of Don Knotts from MISTY.
BOY
I can't believe it! Fuckin'
Don Knotts!
GIRL
(Happily)
It's beyond ugly!
MISTY
(Giving them back change)
There you go...
Cut to MOM approaching, looking happy and composed
with fire poker concealed under her coat.
MOM
(Calling out)
Misty, honey, look!
(Holding up a set of
cereal bowls)
I made a killing!
53. INTERIOR MEN'S ROOM.
A MACHO MAN enters nibbling lamb off a shishkobab.
He sees CARL's body and screams in the best Fay Ray
tradition. Subtitle appears "l2:llpm" and then
fades out.
54. MISTY'S FLEA MARKET TABLE.
MOM is showing MISTY her new cereal bowl as MRS.
ACKERMAN returns.
MRS. ACKERMAN
(Upset)
I went back to get my Faberge
Egg and some idiot bought it!
Sirens are heard in the distance.
MOM
(Caressing fire poker
back under table,
threateningly)
It's just not your day, is
it Rosemary?
MISTY
(Seeing cop cars and
ambulance enter flea market
as customers start running
towards concession stand)
Watch the booth! I'll be back!
(Runs off to join the crowd)
MRS. ACKERMAN
(Spotting a small hunk
of gore stuck to bottom
of MOM's shoe)
Beverly, honey, you've got some...
(Wrinkles up her nose)
...do-do on your shoe.
MOM
Ewwww!
(Wipes it off on grass)
Thank you, Rosemary.
MRS. ACKERMAN notices stain with odd unease.
55. EXTERIOR CONCESSION STAND.
COPS are holding back CARL'S sobbing and hysterical
SEXPOT DATE as she clutches her Faberge Egg while
PARAMEDICS remove CARL'S body from the mens room on
a stretcher.
DET. MOORE and BRADFORD are roughly frisking
bathroom PERVERT.
PERVERT
There was a lady in the men's
room! I swear! A pretty little
lady in the stall right next
to me!
MISTY pushes her way through rubbernecking crowd
until she finally sees CARL'S face right before the
PARAMEDICS give the final zip to the body bag. She
lets out a blood-curdling scream.
DET. BRADFORD looks up into MISTY's horror filled
face and turns in suspicion to DET. MOORE only to
see his partner making eyes with SEXPOT DATE, who in
between sobs, is flirting back with all her might.
56. MISTY'S BOOTH.
MRS. ACKERMAN is looking in revulsion at what
appears to be dried blood on the end of her
fire-poker stored under the flea market table as MOM
happily sells Pee-Wee Herman doll to New York
dealer.
MOM
That's one-hundred fifty-eight
dollars.
DEALER
Will you take a New York check?
MOM
Certainly.
MRS. ACKERMAN reaches down and touches the end of
fire poker and almost faints when she sees red on
her fingertips.
MISTY hysterically returns to booth, crying and
screaming.
MISTY
Mother! It's Carl!
He's dead!
MRS. ACKERMAN looks in sudden fear at MOM.
MOM
0h, that's horrible, honey.
(Suddenly cheerful)
I sold the Pee-Wee Herman
doll!!
MISTY
(Appalled)
Mother! Did you hear me?!
Someone murdered Carl in the
mensroom! I saw his dead body!
MOM
(Quietly, sweetly)
You got your wish.
MISTY
(Stunned)
But...
(Backs away)
I didn't wish...I didn't
want him DEAD!
MRS. ACKERMAN gulps in horror.
57. INTERIOR MOM'S BEDROOM.
DAD is frantically searching through MOM's stuff and
finds a scrapbook which is filled page after page
with newspaper clippings about famous mass
murderers. He gasps in horror and then looks
between mattress and box-springs and finds a stack
of letters and a few cassette tapes. He looks in
shock at return address of first letter - "Richard
Speck, Statesville Correctional Center, Joliet,
Illinois 60434". He tears open envelope and out
falls an 8xlO glossy photo of a naked Richard Speck
with the inscription "To Beverly. Love, Richard
Speck". Shaking his head in horror, DAD puts
cassette in tape player and pushes play button. The
voice on the tape booms out in bedroom, "Beverly,
it's me, Ted Bundy. It's late at night six days
before my execution and it's lonely here on death
row...". DAD lunges for machine to push OFF button
and accidentally turns on the radio.
NEWS ANNOUNCER
...Updating the top story of
the hour, the young man brutally
murdered a short time ago in the
mens room of the Edmonson Flea
Market has been identified as
22 year old Carl Padgett of
Towson...
DAD slams down OFF button on radio and sobs in
shock.
58. INTERIOR "SUBURBAN CULT VIDEO SHOP".
CHIP1 on duty as manager, along with BIRDIE and
SCOTTY and a few other horror-nut customers watch on
large video monitor Joan Crawford get off a train in
William Castle's "Straight Jacket". The suspense
builds as Joan on video spies through a window at
her husband with another woman, picks up an ax and
cuts off his head. Suddenly MISTY runs into video
shop in hysterics.
MISTY
Chip! Our mother is Charles
Manson!
All the kids laugh uproarously as Joan screams on
video "I'm not guilty" while struggling in a
straight jacket.
MISTY
(Grabbing the remote and
turning off the video)
(To CHIP)
I'm not kidding. Carl stood
me up this morning and then
he was murdered at the flea
market....
CHIP
MURDERED?!!
MISTY
Yes murdered! You said you
hated your teacher yesterday
and he was murdered too. I
don't know...maybe Mom's nuts!
CHIP
It's a cool idea, Misty!
Let's make a gore movie about
Mom! Better yet, a TV series!
BIRDIE
Can I borrow your mother?
My aunt is coming over to dinner
tonight and she's always on my
nerves.
KID
My step-father is an asshole!
She could kill him!
CHIP
(Baiting MISTY)
How about Mrs. Ackerman?
We both hate her!
(Playfully)
Should she be the next victim?
MISTY
No! Stop it! It's not funny.
Mom might do it!
(Sobbing)
Someone else might die.
SCOTTY
(Comforting her)
I believe you, Misty.
Your mother could kill - I've
seen that look in her eyes!
(Timidly)
Is there a reward or anything?
59. DISSOLVE TO INTERIOR SUTPHIN DINING ROOM.
MOM comes through kitchen door and serves a fancy
tuna casserole.
MOM
Dinner's served!
Subtitle appears "6:01pm" and then fades out.
MISTY looks at her mother in terror. DAD treats MOM
with kid gloves. CHIP is completely oblivious to
their concern.
DAD
Let's say grace and pray
that we have the strength to
understand the terrible
tragedies of the last few days.
MOM
Amen to that.
(Happily)
It's been a crazy day, hasn't it?!
MISTY pales, DAD looks at MOM in fear.
60. MRS. ACKERMAN'S LIVING ROOM.
DET. MOORE and several other COPS are taking down
every word MRS. ACKERMAN says in notebooks and on
tape recorders.
MRS. ACKERMAN
...Dottie Hinkle was right - IT
IS BEVERLY SUTPHIN! I tell you
I saw blood right on the bottom
of her shoes! Not exactly blood
- it was GORE! Hanging right
there like a runny nose!!
61. INTERIOR DOTTIE HINKLE'S LIVING ROOM.
DET. BRADFORD and several other POLICE OFFICERS are
taking her statement and trying to calm her down,
DOTTIE
Nice as pie she was to me and
then I hear her say it!
DET. BRADFORD
Say what, ma'am?
DOTTIE
"Are those..."
(Giving up)
I can't say the word out loud.
DET. BRADFORD
(Trying to comfort her)
Could you tell a policewoman
the exact words she used?
DOTTIE
(Being pitiful)
Maybe...
A huge galute of a POLICEWOMAN sits next to DOTTIE
and pats her hand.
POLICEWOMAN
It's ok...nobody's gonna
hurt you.
(Whispering)
Come on, let it out...
DOTTIE
(Yelling loudly, startling
all the cops in the room)
"PUSSY" she says to me!
"PUSSY WILLOWS!"
62. INTERIOR SUTPHIN DINING ROOM.
The family is eating in uneasy silence.
CHIP
(Excited, happy)
You know Mom, Scotty thinks
you're the killer!
MISTY chokes on her food, DAD laughs unconvincingly.
MOM
(Laughs)
Does he?
(Smiling to CHIP)
For a boy who doesn't wear
seat belts, Scotty's awfully
nosy.
(Getting up)
Excuse me a second.
(Exits into kitchen)
The whole family sits in awkward silence.
63. EXTERIOR SUTPHIN HOUSE.
ROOKIE COP sits in cop car on surveillance duty
watching the Sutphin house in eery silence.
64. SUTPHIN DINING ROOM.
Family is squirming in their seats in nervous
silence. MISTY suddenly bolts from table and runs
towards kitchen.
65. SUTPHIN KITCHEN.
MISTY runs in. No one is there. On blackboard,
written in chalk is "WENT TO THE 7-il, MOM".
MISTY
She's gone!
CHIP and DAD rush in.
MISTY
(Blurting it out)
She's gonna kill Scotty!
DAD
(No longer pretending)
BOTH OF YOU! GET IN THE CAR!
CHIP
(Horrified)
DAD! YOU DON'T THINK SHE
DID IT??!
MISTY
I DO! Mom's gone crazy!
DAD
(To CHIP)
Your mother may have some
problems, that's all, Chip.
(To both)
C'mon! Hurry!
66. EXTERIOR SUTPHINS.
MOM peels out in her station wagon like a bat out of
hell.
ROOKIE COP looks up in shock, clumsily throws the
car in gear and takes off behind her. Subtitle
appears "6:36pm" and then fades out.
67. INTERIOR MOM'S STATION WAGON.
MOM is driving like a lunatic, She sees the red
light of pursuing police car in rear-view mirror and
floors it as she hits play button of tape deck in
car and begins singing along loudly and scarily to
her favorite song, Barry Manilow's "Daybreak",
MOM
"...Ain't no time to grieve
And it's Daybreak!!!
Let it shine, shine, shine,
All around the world!!"
68. INTERIOR COP CAR.
ROOKIE COP is sweating bullets speeding after MOM's
car and grabs police radio.
ROOKIE
MAY DAY!! MAY DAY!!
69. INTERIOR MOM'S CAR.
MOM is "dancing" in place and gyrating to the beat
as she belts out the finale of "Daybreak" and
suddenly turns the steering wheel violently to the
right.
70. EXTERIOR MRS. HINKLE'S HOUSE.
MOM's car veers across lawn and flattens Mrs.
Hinkle's entire flower garden as she plows her way
back to street.
DET. BRADFORD comes running out of house and jumps
out of way as ROOKIE COP's car skids around corner
and smashes into Mrs. Ackerman's wishing well
decoration in her front yard.
DOTTIE HINKLE is held back by burly POLICEWOMAN on
porch as she curses MOM in the distance.
DOTTIE
You rotten mother-fucker!
You lousy cock-sucker!
71. INTERIOR DAD'S CAR.
DAD is at the wheel driving with MISTY in front and
CHIP in the back.
MISTY
(To DAD)
Turn right on Timonioum Road.
Hurry, Dad!
CHIP
(Scared for the first time)
If Mom's a psycho, Scotty will
still be ok, won't he?
DAD
We hope so, son. And no matter
what your mother is, we'll love
her anyway.
72. INTERIOR DETECTIVE MOORE'S CAR.
DET. MOORE
(Following the Sutphins,
into police radio mike)
Suspect's family is headed east
on Calverton....
73. INTERIOR MOM'S CAR.
MOM turns off tape player and pulls to a stop on a
quiet suburban street. She fixes her hair in rear
view mirror, smiles, then takes out rubber
dish-washing gloves and slips them on her hands.
74. INTERIOR SCOTTY'S BEDROOM AT HIS PARENTS' HOUSE.
SCOTTY lies in bed, surrounded by vintage
sexploitation movie posters that decorate his walls
("Garden of Eden", "Mud-Honey", "There She Blows"),
and watches on video the ridiculous 70's trash film
"Double-Agent '73" starring Chesty Morgan.
In the credit sequence he sees Miss Morgan
"photographing" men with her humongous breasts that
supposedly have cameras implanted inside. SCOTTY is
getting turned on. He runs to lock bedroom door,
closes curtain on window and then hops under a
blanket to commit the sin of self-abuse.
75. EXTERIOR SCOTTY'S PARENTS' HOUSE.
DAD, MISTY and CHIP pull up, run to front door and
pound on it.
DETECTIVE MOORE pulls up at a safe distance behind
them and watches from police car. Subtitle appears
"7:01pm" and disappears.
76. INTERIOR SCOTTY'S BEDROOM.
SCOTTY is watching Chesty Morgan on video roll about
in hideous hot pants and insane 1970's platform
shoes as he concentrates on her gigantic breasts and
touches himself off camera. He hears banging at
door, curses whoever it is, and decides to ignore
them.
77. EXTERIOR SCOTTY'S PARENTS' HOUSE.
DAD jiggles the door unsuccessfully until CHIP
slithers through an open window and lets MISTY and
DAD inside.
78. INTERIOR DETECTIVE MOORE'S POLICE CAR.
DET. BRADFORD.
(Into police radio mike)
Suspect's family is entering
house. Send backup to 2l14
Sycamore Street. I've got a
feeling old Mom's inside. I'm
goin' in!
Heroic music blares on soundtrack as he leaps from
car and pulls gun. Subtitle appears "7:24pm" and
then fades out.
79. CUT to MOM staring evily through plate glass window
from outside a suburban house.
Reverse angle shows not Scotty, but the dental
emergency couple, THE STERNERS, as they sit in their
dining room eating a dinner of cornish game hens.
MOM zeros in on the game hens and flashes back to
"Dede" and the other cute birds in her bird-feeder
at home.
As the couple viciously slice apart the game hens
and stuff the meat in their mouths, MOM breaks a
small pane of glass in back door to gain entry.
MRS. STERNER
What was that?
MR. STERNER
I didn't hear anything.
Got any dessert?
MRS. STERNER
Dr. Sutphin said no sweets
for you.
MR. STERNER
What's he know?
MRS. STERNER
How to send a bill!!
They both laugh uproarously at her bad joke.
80. STERNER KITCHEN.
MOM is listening in disgust, notices a limp plant,
waters it thoughtfully and then jumps out of the way
to hide as MRS. STERNER comes into kitchen to get a
large chocolate pie.
81. INTERIOR SCOTTY'S BEDROOM.
SCOTTY has the whole bed vibrating noisily as he
watches Chesty Morgan on video in hideous green
plaid bell bottoms as she "photographs" evidence
with her breasts.
82. INTERIOR SCOTTY'S PARENTS' HOUSE. HALLWAY.
DAD, MISTY and CHIP creep up the steps towards
SCOTTY's bedroom.
83. EXTERIOR SCOTTY'S PARENTS' HOUSE.
DET. BRADFORD signals the newly arrived DET. MOORE
and a small swat team in battle gear to follow him
quietly to Scotty's front door.
84. INTERIOR STERNER'S DINING ROOM.
MR. STERNER cuts himself a second piece of chocolate
pie and pigs it down.
85. INTERIOR STERNER'S BEDROOM.
MRS. STERNER
(Yelling downstairs)
Ralph, "Wheel of Fortune"'s
on!!
As MRS. STERNER continues to watch TV we see her get
ready for bed.
We see her change from her shoes to bedroom slippers
from under the bed.
We see her brush her hair from behind the mirror.
We see her open her drawer and take out
birth-control foam from inside the bureau.
We see her go to closed curtains moving ominously in
the breeze and close the window from the other side.
MRS. STERNER
(Calling out)
Ralph, you're missing it!
MRS. STERNER takes off her dress to reveal monstrous
white all-in-one bra and girdle and moves to closet
door.
She opens closet door and hesitates.
We see shoe in bottom of closet move slightly.
Suddenly a mouse scurries out of shoe and runs
across floor as MRS. STERNER screams,
86. STERNER DINING ROOM.
MR. STERNER
(As chocolate oozes in his
mouth)
What is it, Betty?
87. STERNER BEDROOM.
MRS. STERNER
(Still shaking)
We have mice! I mean it,
Ralph! I saw one!
MRS. STERNER reaches for nightgown and pulls it off
hanger to reveal MOM's insane face. Suddenly MOM
stabs MRS. STERNER viciously in the stomach with
MRS. ACKERMAN's scissors.
MOM
(Scarily)
Always brush after every meal!
MRS. STERNER opens her mouth in a silent scream as
MOM pulls out the scissors and stabs her again and
again as a large rat in the closet runs out and
begins biting MRS. STERNER's ankle at the same time.
88. STERNER DINING ROOM.
MR. STERNER burps in front of empty plate and hears
loud thud from upstairs. He gets up from table.
MR. STERNER
(Calling upstairs)
Betty?
89. STERNER BEDROOM.
MRS. STERNER is dead on the floor with scissors
sticking out of her as MOM attempts to clean up the
blood with the household product, "SHOUT".
90. HALLWAY STERNER HOUSE.
MR. STERNER runs up stairs, suddenly alarmed.
MR. STERNER
Betty? Betty, answer me!
91. STERNER BEDROOM
MOM looks up from cleaning and smiles as MR. STERNER
runs in, sees the grisly sight and screams in
horror.
MOM
(Holding up bottle of "SHOUT"
and doing mock TV-ad)
"SHOUT IT OUT".
MOM suddenly pulls scissors out of MRS. STERNER's
stomach and expertly throws them like a knife at MR.
STERNER's head. He ducks in the nick of time and
the scissors stick in the wall.
MR. STERNER turns and runs in fear as MOM gives
chase, grabbing the scissors out of the wall.
92. HALLWAY. STERNER HOUSE.
MR. STERNER runs down the steps screaming as MOM
runs after him. She throws the scissors at him
again, but just misses him.
Thinking fast, MR. STERNER grabs scissors from wall
and throws them back at MOM. She ducks in the nick
of time and her face goes purple with rage.
MOM
You'll pay for that, Ralph
Sterner!!
As MR. STERNER runs to back door, MOM charges back
up the steps to bedroom.
93. STERNER BEDROOM.
MOM rushes in and watches MR. STERNER from above
from bedroom window as he runs out of house.
94. STERNER LAWN.
MR. STERNER runs across lawn screaming.
MR. STERNER
Help! POLICE!!
95. STERNER BEDROOM.
MOM is rocking air conditioner in window back and
forth until she gets it loose. Seeing him right
below, MOM shoves it out window with all her might.
96. STERNER LAWN.
MR. STERNER looks up at air conditioner falling from
above and screams the second before he is crushed
like an insect.
97. SCOTTY'S BEDROOM.
SCOTTY is moaning in orgasm as he watches ludicrous
Chesty Morgan "Secret Agent" breast footage on video
screen.
98. OUTSIDE SCOTTY'S BEDROOM DOOR.
DAD, MISTY and CHIP look at one another in horror
thinking SCOTTY's moans are cries of pain and they
break down his door to save him.
99. SCOTTY'S BEDROOM.
SCOTTY stares in complete mortification as the
Sutphin family catch him in the middle of an orgasm.
When DETECTIVES MOORE and BRADFORD and their
ridiculously overprepared SWAT TEAM flood the
bedroom, screaming "FREEZE" and "HANDS OVER YOUR
HEAD", SCOTTY fumes in anger as MISTY and CHIP
giggle in relief and DAD turns red in embarrassment.
100. Wipe to EXTERIOR SUTPHIN HOUSE.
DAD's car pulls up and the relieved Sutphin family
hops out and runs to house. Subtitle appears
"9:02pm" and fades out.
DAD
Home Sweet Home! Everything's
fine, kids!
MISTY
(Laughing)
I can't believe I thought my
own mother was a murderess!
CHIP
I'm disappointed she isn't!
(In wonder)
For a while there, it was like
being in a movie!
101. SUTPHIN DINING ROOM.
MOM is seated happily at table. DAD, MISTY and CHIP
enter.
MOM
(Beaming happily)
Anybody for dessert?
M-m-m-m-m, strawberries!
Fade to black.
102. Fade in to ST. TIMOTHY'S EPISCOPAL CHURCH.
Sign out front announces the service: "11:00am.
Holy Eucharist Service. Sermon: 'Capitol Punishment
and You'". Families stream into church. Subtitle
appears "10:37am, Sunday September 20th" and fades
out.
103. EXTERIOR SUTPHIN HOUSE.
MOM, DAD, CHIP and MISTY walk out front door dressed
in their Sunday finest. Suddenly their wholesome
smiles freeze on their faces.
Cop cars are everywhere watching MOM's every move.
DETECTIVES MOORE and BRADFORD smile hatefully at
MOM, pressuring her with their high-visibility
surveillance.
The family nervously gets in their car and DAD turns
the ignition.
Cop after cop after cop start up their engines.
As DAD pulls out of the driveway in his car the cops
file into a procession of intimidation behind him.
104. INTERIOR DET. MOORE AND DET. BRADFORDS' CAR.
DET. BRADFORD
(Talking into police radio)
...Sutphin family proceeding west
on Seminary Avenue. Beverly ain't
goin' nowhere this time.
105. INTERIOR SUTPHIN CAR.
MISTY
(Scared)
Dad, I thought it was ok.
Make them go away. This is
embarrassing.
DAD
Just ignore the police.
It's all a terrible mistake.
He turns on radio to music.
CHIP
Think we'll get on "A
CURRENT AFFAIR"?
106. INTERIOR DET. MOORE AND BRADFORD'S CAR.
DET. MOORE
She's headed for church.
DET. BRADFORD
(To police dispatcher on radio)
I say we nail her!
DISPATCHER
(On radio)
Negative. D.A. says no bust
until lab report is back matching
suspect's fingerprints on true-crime
book with those on scissors and
fire poker.
DET. BRADFORD
(To DET. MOORE)
She may be Beaver Cleaver's
mother...but Jim Jones and the
entire People's Temple just
fucked her!
107. INTERIOR SUTPHIN CAR.
MISTY, CHIP and DAD listen in appalled silence to
news report on radio as MOM seems unfazed.
ANNOUNCER
...the senseless killing last
night of Towson couple, Ralph
and Betty Sterner, brings to a
total of four murders police
feel may have been committed by
Baltimore's first serial killer...
DAD looks at MOM in stunned disbelief.
DAD
Beverly! Not the Sterners!
MOM
(Calmly)
It's a shame. But they should
brush their teeth, honey.
ANNOUNCER
(On radio)
This just came in. Police
Lieutenant Ronald Habbler has
publicly named a suspect in the
serial killer case and it's a
shocker! She, that's right, she
has been identified as Beverly R.
Sutphin of 2815 Calverton Court...
MISTY
Oh God!
(In despair)
Now I'll never get a boyfriend!
DAD
(Nervously)
Beverly, I've been reading all
about it...is it menopause?
MOM
Oh, honey!
CHIP
Tell me the truth, Mom!
It's ok with me, really! Are
you a serial killer?
MOM
Chip, the only cereal I know
about is Rice Krispies.
Sutphin car pulls to a stop at a red light next to
car full of churchgoers. MOM turns to smile at them
and all the churchgoers scream in horror at the
sight of her face.
DAD
(Lovingly, painfully)
Don't worry, Beverly. We're
going to get you good psychiatric
help.
108. EXTERIOR ST. TIMOTHY'S EPISCOPAL CHURCH.
MRS. ACKERMAN and MRS. HINKLE look up in amazement
as they see the Sutphins pull into church parking
lot followed by string of police cars.
The Sutphins nervously get out of car and walk
towards church as the good Christian families glare
at them and gossip with a vengeance.
DAD tries to be brave, MISTY hangs her head in
mortification, CHIP is excited by all the attention
and MOM smiles happily to appalled worshippers.
GUS and SLOPPY, the two garbagemen, dressed in their
shabby church clothes wave to MOM in secret
admiration.
BIRDIE's eyes light up at seeing CHIP but her
suddenly forbidding parents hold her back when she
tries to join him. She mouths "I love you" to him
as CHIP looks back to her parents with hurt and
confusion.
As the SUTPHIN family reaches the church door, a
reporter runs towards them with his cameras drawn.
REPORTER
(To MOM)
So, Mrs. Sutphin! Tell me!
Are you "Serial Mom"?
MOM
Who?
DAD
(Blocking his face from
strobing flash)
No comment!
CHIP
(To himself)
"Serial Mom"?
(He looks at his MOM who is
perversely enjoying the
attention)
WOW!
MISTY, who can't help but notice that the REPORTER
is strikingly handsome, gives him an obviously
flirtatious smile before DAD yanks her into church
with the rest of them.
109. INTERIOR ST. TIMOTHY'S CHURCH.
FATHER STONE, a mild and kind looking Episcopal
priest has just begun the service.
FATHER STONE
(On altar)
Blessed be God, Father, Son and
Holy Spirit...
ALL
And blessed be His kingdom, now
and forever. Amen...
The SUTPHINS take their place in a half filled pew
next to appalled young MARRIED COUPLE as a still
mortified SCOTTY glares in hatred and vengeance from
a pew in the back of the church.
BIRDIE's face is covered in tears as she sits with
her parents helplessly.
MISTY turns in her seat and searches the hostile
crowd for the face of the cute REPORTER. When she
spots him secretly snapping her photo, she subtly
gives him a sexy pose.
110. EXTERIOR CHURCH.
DETECTIVES MOORE and BRADFORD wait with other COPS
outside their cars as voice comes over police radio.
CAPTAIN JOHNSON
This is Captain Johnson from
Homicide. Lab reports confirm
Sutphin latent print of index
finger on true-crime book matches
those latent prints lifted from
murder weapons. Bingo, boys!
Bust the bitch!
COPS smile in silent victory as they immediately
spread out and approach the church.
111. INTERIOR CHURCH.
FATHER STONE is giving the sermon in a kindly tone.
FATHER STONE
...Jesus said nothing to condemn
capital punishment as he hung on
the cross, did He?!
MRS. ACKERMAN and MRS. HINKLE nod in pious
agreement.
FATHER STONE
...If ever there was a time to
go on record against the death
penalty, WASN'T IT THAT NIGHT?!...
DAD gulps and lovingly takes MOM's hand as MISTY and
CHIP look at one another appalled while MOM
continues her defiant smile.
FATHER STONE
CAPITAL PUNISHMENT is already the
LAW in the State of Maryland!...
DETECTIVES MOORE and BRADFORD and all the COPS begin
infiltrating the church, taking places in pews and
then moving forward to other pews closer to MOM.
SCOTTY beams at police presence and eagerly scoots
over to let DET. BRADFORD and DET. MOORE sit with
him on their way to nail MOM.
GUS and SLOPPY, the garbagemen, scowl at the police
and look with loyalty to poor MOM.
FATHER STONE
...SO WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR,
FELLOW CHRISTIANS?! LET'S JUST
DO IT!!
ALL
AMEN!
FATHER STONE
Now, let us pray and humbly
confess our sins unto Almighty
God.
As CONGREGATION prays along with FATHER STONE, COPS
flood the church and move towards MOM.
CONGREGATION
...Most merciful God, we confess
that we have sinned against thee...
CHIP and MISTY
...by what we have done...
BIRDIE & PARENTS
...and by what we have left undone...
DAD
...we are truly sorry and we
humbly repent...
MOM
(Praying piously, but beginning
to sniffle a sneeze)
...so that we may delight in thy
will...
A BABY in the arms of a MOTHER in pew in front of
MOM stares back at MOM.
MOM
...And walk in the ways to
the glory...
(Starts to sneeze and
catches herself)
...of Thy name...
ALL
Amen!
MOM sneezes and a hunk of phlegm flies out and hits
BABY square in face.
BABY'S MOTHER screams in horror at seeing her BABY's
face and the entire congregation1 thinking she's
been attacked by MOM, dives to the floor in terror.
COPS draw guns and leap over pews as complete
pandemonium breaks out in church.
Just as DET. MOORE and DET. BRADFORD are about to
grab MOM, GUS and SLOPPY punch the COPS in the mouth
and MOM runs off.
DAD looks for MOM in a panic and realizes she has
vanished.
CHIP cringes in fear as hordes of COPS surround his
family until he is relieved to see that MOM has
escaped.
MISTY gives "dramatic" poses of "fear" and "horror"
as cute REPORTER snaps her picture excitedly.
BIRDIE escapes her parents, runs to CHIP, embraces
him and together they take off.
FATHER STONE stares out from altar in shock as
worshippers scream and trample each other trying to
get out of church as police try to restore order.
SCOTTY, trying to be macho, fights his way towards
front of church and for a split-second sees CHIP,
BIRDIE and MOM running out back door of sacristy in
escape.
SCOTTY
THERE SHE IS!!
MOM blows a quick kiss to GUS and SLOPPY who beam in
happiness at helping her escape.
112. EXTERIOR CHURCH PARKING LOT.
CHIP and BIRDIE are "hot-wiring" SCOTTY's car as MOM
lies hidden out of view on back seat of car.
113. INTERIOR SCOTTY'S CAR.
CHIP
We'll show 'em, Mom, We'll
go on "60 Minutes"!
The car engine starts up.
BIRDIE
Alright
(To MOM)
You're bigger than Jason or
Freddie now!
(In wonderment)
Only you're a real person!
MOM
(Innocently)
Do you think I'll need
a lawyer?
CHIP
(Putting on his seat belt)
You need an AGENT!
CHIP peels out.
114. EXTERIOR CHURCH PARKING LOT.
REPORTER has chased DAD and MISTY to their car,
still taking pictures as COPS flood the area looking
for MOM.
DAD
NO COMMENT! PLEASE! My
wife is missing! I'm worried
sick about her!
(Gets in car)
REPORTER
Hey, Misty! Just a few more
shots, Ok? I'm Hank Hawkins
from the Baltimore Sun.
MISTY
(Flirting boldly
and posing)
Hi, Hank.
DAD
(Appalled, opening
passenger door
from inside)
MISTY SUTPHIN, GET IN THIS
CAR!!
115. EXTERIOR "SUBURBAN CULT VIDEO" SHOP.
CHIP and BIRDIE hurry MOM from car and run to door
of shop as CHIP fumbles for his keys to open up.
116. INTERIOR "SUBURBAN CULT VIDEO" SHOP.
CHIP and BIRDIE hustle MOM into the shop and lead
her to the "Gore" section and open a door covered
with violent video display boxes to reveal a small
closet.
CHIP
In here, Mom...
MOM
But, Chip...
CUSTOMER begins banging on door.
CHIP
Get in, Mom! I have to open.
MOM
This is so silly.
(Gets in)
CHIP closes door behind her and then inserts
cassette into VCR and pushes "Play" button. On
video in shop we see "Leatherface" in "The Texas
Chainsaw Massacre" jump out from behind a bush and
hack up a male victim.
BIRDIE lets in the first customer of the day, a
middle aged battle-ax, MRS. JENSON.
BIRDIE
Good morning, Mrs. Jenson.
MRS. JENSON
(Scowling at video screen
where "Leatherface" chases
a girl to house where he
"chainsaws" his way through
door as the victim screams
in terror)
Haven't you had enough
violence, Chip Sutphin?
Turn that filth off!
CHIP
(Turning it off)
Sorry, ma'am.
MRS. JENSON
Do you have the musical,
"Annie"?
CHIP
(Rolling his eyes and
getting the cassette)
Sure do. Did you bring
back "Ghost Dad"?
MRS. JENSON
(Rooting in her purse and
handing CHIP the casette)
There you go. I love Bill
Cosby pictures.
CHIP
(Looking at cassette in
frustration)
Mrs. Jensen, I've told you.
You have to rewind the tapes
before returning them!
MRS. JENSON
(Belligerently)
Why?
CHIP
Because it's the rules!
MRS. JENSON
(Defiantly)
I don't feel like rewinding it!
MOM's face turns to stone in closet.
CHIP
(Exasperated)
You see the sign! It's a
dollar fine for not rewinding
and this time I'm gonna charge
you! $2.99 plus one dollar
is $3.99!
MRS. JENSON
(Slamming money down and
grabbing video)
Keep the change, you son of
a psycho!
MRS. JENSON stomps to door and slams it behind her
as MOM's face twists in rage as she listens.
BIRDIE
What a bitch!
CHIP
It's the influence of all those
family films.
(Turning to closet)
Right, Mom?
(No answer)
Hey, Mom??...
(Still no answer)
BIRDIE
(Nervously)
Mrs. Sutphin?
CHIP
Mother?
(Opens door to reveal
empty closet)
BIRDIE
0h, shit!
CHIP
You don't think....
BIRDIE
She wouldn't...
BIRDIE runs to back of shop and sees opened door to
street.
CHIP
(Panicked)
What's Mrs. Jenson's address?
BIRDIE runs to files and starts going through them.
BIRDIE
...Jenner...Jenson, Emy Lou
Jenson. 3511 Clark Avenue!
CHIP
That's right up the street!
Come on! Just in case!
117. EXTERIOR "SUBURBAN CULT VIDEO" SHOP.
CHIP and BIRDIE exit in a panic and run up the
street.
Hidden behind his "borrowed" car across the street
is SCOTTY who has been watching them all along. He
takes off on foot after them.
118. INTERIOR MRS. JENSON'S KITCHEN.
A carving knife slices through leg-of-lamb on
kitchen table. Camera pans up to MRS. JENSON's
happy face as she fixes herself a leg-of-lamb
sandwich and exits to living room.
119. INTERIOR MRS. JENSON'S LIVING ROOM.
MRS. JENSON kicks off her shoes, excitedly pops
videocassette into her VCR and climbs into her
recliner for a relaxing afternoon of video
pleasures. She takes a big bite out of her
sandwich, twangs the remote to start the video and
smiles excitedly at hearing the overture to
"Tomorrow" begin over the credit sequence to
"Annie", her favorite musical. Subtitle appears
"12:09pm" and fades out.
120. INTERIOR MRS. JENSON'S KITCHEN.
The door handle jiggles ominously.
121. INTERIOR MRS. JENSON'S LIVING ROOM.
A large DOG rises up next to MRS. JENSON.
MRS. JENSON
What is it, Sylvester,
a bird? Shhhh. Mommy's
watching "Annie".
122. INTERIOR MRS'. JENSON'S KITCHEN.
MOM looks over her shoulder to make sure no one is
watching and then slowly lets herself in kitchen
door. Her eyes immediately go to gleaming butcher
knife on table.
123. INTERIOR MRS. JENSON'S LIVING ROOM.
The DOG growls.
MRS. JENSON
Quiet, Sylvester. Nobody's
there. Shhh...Lick Mommy's
feet.
(Wiggles toes at DOG)
Come on! Get 'em all wet!
(Starts singing along
with video)
"The sun comes out
Tomorrow..."
DOG growls and heads toward kitchen.
124. EXTERIOR MRS. JENSON'S HOUSE.
CHIP and BIRDIE stand outside looking up at house in
fear.
CHIP
(To BIRDIE)
Come on!
They sneak to side of house.
Cut to SCOTTY watching them from a distance.
125. INTERIOR JENSON KITCHEN.
MOM is down on floor with mean DOG getting him to
roll over and "beg" for her with gusto as "Annie"
soundtrack blares from living room.
126. INTERIOR JENSON LIVING ROOM.
MRS. JENSON is bellowing out the lyrics to
"Tomorrow" along with the soundtrack.
MRS. JENSON
"The sun comes out
Tomorrow
And you've got to
Hang on to Tomorrow
Come what may..."
127. INTERIOR KITCHEN.
MOM grabs butcher knife.
128. EXTERIOR MRS. JENSON'S HOUSE.
CHIP and BIRDIE are below window to her TV room.
CHIP gives BIRDIE a leg-up so she can see inside.
BIRDIE'S POV shot of MRS. JENSON singing along.
MRS. JENSON
"Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
I love you
Tomorrow
You're only a day away!"
129. GARAGE ROOF NEARBY.
SCOTTY has climbed up and has a direct view over
CHIP and BIRDIE into MRS. JENSON'S window.
130. INTERIOR JENSON KITCHEN.
Hand held camera follows MOM clutching knife out of
the kitchen into living room as she sneaks up on a
singing MRS. JENSON.
131. GARAGE ROOF.
SCOTTY looks horrified to see a figure sneaking up
on MRS. JENSON through window.
132. INTERIOR JENSON LIVING ROOM.
MOM changes her mind, puts down knife and goes back
into kitchen.
133. GARAGE ROOF.
SCOTTY sighs in relief.
134. EXTERIOR JENSON HOUSE.
BIRDIE gives CHIP a leg-up and he gets a glimpse of
the singing MRS. JENSON building to the finale of
"Tomorrow".
MRS. JENSON
"Tomorrow! Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
I love you..."
135. JENSON KITCHEN.
MOM picks up entire leg-of-lamb by the bone as her
eyes light up in homicidal glee. She leans down,
kisses the DOG on the lips, and exits back to living
room.
136. INTERIOR JENSON LIVING ROOM.
MRS. JENSON is practically leaping our of her
recliner singing along with the finale to "Tomorrow"
on the credits to "Annie" as MOM creeps up behind
her with leg-of-lamb.
MRS. JENSON
"....Tomorrow!
You're only a day...
AWAAAAAY!!!"
MOM bludgeons MRS. JENSON with the leg-of-lamb on
the final note of the song.
Blood splatters the happy scene on the TV screen.
MRS. JENSON tries to struggle up from the floor but
MOM hits her over the head again with leg-of-lamb
and finishes her off.
MOM zaps the off button and softly sings to herself
in the sudden silence.
MOM
"Tomorrow!..Tomorrow!..Tomorrow!
I love you...
MOM bludgeons her one more time and then pushes the
REWIND button in revenge.
137. GARAGE ROOF.
SCOTTY lets out a terror-filled scream.
138. INTERIOR JENSON LIVING ROOM.
MOM looks out window in search of scream and zooms
right in on SCOTTY's horrified face.
139. EXTERIOR JENSON HOUSE.
CHIP and BIRDIE look at each other in panic after
hearing SCOTTY scream and seeing him run away behind
them.
140. INTERIOR JENION LIVING ROOM.
The DOG is devouring the leg-of-lamb on the floor.
MOM grabs butcher knife, and takes off after SCOTTY.
141. EXTERIOR JENSON HOUSE.
CHIP is giving BIRDIE a frantic leg-up.
BIRDIE POV shot of MRS. JENSON's battered corpse.
The DOG lunges at BIRDIE in window.
BIRDIE screams in horror and falls to the ground.
BIRDIE
I saw blood! And it's brown!
Not red like in horror movies,
but brown!!
CHIP
(Terrified)
Is MOM...in there?
BIRDIE
No!
(Obsessed)
It wasn't like gore movies
at all!
(Bursting into tears)
IT WAS REAL!
CHIP grabs her arm and they run.
142. EXTERIOR JENSON HOUSE - OTHER SIDE.
MOM comes running out front, sees SCOTTY running in
the other direction and charges after him like a bat
out of hell.
143. UP THE STREET.
SCOTTY runs, looking over his shoulder, horrified to
see MOM chasing him with a butcher knife.
144. MRS. JENSON'S NEIGHBORHOOD.
BIRDIE and CHIP run in fear across suburban back
lawns.
BIRDIE
Oh God, I think I'm going
to be sick...
BIRDIE vomits into the hot coals of somebody's
outside cooking grill as horrified HOUSEWIFE looks
out her window at her, about to begin cookout and
screams in revulsion.
CHIP grabs BIRDIE and they run away.
145. EXTERIOR "SUBURBAN CULT VIDEO" SHOP.
SCOTTY's convertible awaits him as he races towards
it with MOM gaining on him with every stride.
SCOTTY lunges for door handle, fumbles with key and
hops in just in time.
MOM plunges butcher knife through convertible top as
he puts key in ignition.
MOM
WEAR YOUR SEATBELT! IT'S
THE LAW!!
146. INTERIOR SCOTTY'S CAR.
SCOTTY starts engine as he ducks the repeated knife
jabs through his convertible top.
147. SUBURBAN STREET.
SCOTTY peels out, showering MOM with gravel.
A van pulls to a stop. Inside are two BURGLARS;
one white, the other black. They are surrounded by
obvious loot: VCR's, cameras and silverware.
MOM turns to them with knife.
BURGLAR A
What the fuck is that?
BURGLAR B
Betty Crocker gone psycho!
MOM yanks open van door and points knife inside.
MOM
(Primly)
Give me your fucking van
before I kill you!
BURGLAR A
(Hopping out of driver's
seat)
Yes, ma'am. It's all yours.
BURGLAR B
(Hopping out as MOM
hops in and pulls off)
Drive carefully!
(To fellow BURGLAR A)
White people sure are something!
148. INTERIOR SCOTTY'S CAR.
SCOTTY is speeding along, relieved to get away.
SCOTTY
(To himself out loud)
Dear God...I promise I'll
never watch a sex film again...
I promise, I promise....
149. INTERIOR STOLEN VAN.
MOM switches gears like Evil Knieval and skids
around corner in hot pursuit.
150. INTERIOR SCOTTY'S CAR.
SCOTTY checks rearview mirror and sees a van
speeding up behind him.
SCOTTY
Oh shit!
(He floors it)
151. SUBURBAN INTERSECTION.
CHIP and BIRDIE are running down street.
DAD and MISTY are driving in other direction looking
for MOM. Seeing CHIP and BIRDIE, DAD screeches on
the brakes and the kids run to car in relief and
jump in.
Suddenly SCOTTY roars by in his car with MOM in hot
pursuit. She sees DAD and family and blows them a
lunatic kiss.
DAD
Hold on, kids!
DAD takes off after MOM in car.
A COP sees the speeding caravan as it careens around
a corner.
COP
All units! SERIAL MOM
headed south on York Road.
Proceed with caution!
SHE'S ARMED AND FUCKIN' NUTS!!
152. EXTERIOR "HAMMERJACKS". Huge Rock 'n' Roll Palace.
Large signs announce "SUNDAY ROCK-A-THON. IN PERSON
- 'CAMEL LIPS'"
SCOTTY careens into parking lot in his convertible.
Subtitle appears "2:47pm" and fades out.
153. INTERIOR HAMMERJACKS.
On stage, "CAMEL LIPS", an all-female
grunge-punk-metal band, dressed in their trademark
skin tight slacks that gave the group their name,
perform their hit song "Gas Chamber". The monstrous
but beautiful LEAD SINGER bellows and snarls the
lyrics as the DRUMMER, a brain dead drug idiot, hits
herself on head with drumstick in between beats as
criminal looking biker-chick GUITARIST plays her
instrument and mock-humps it with sexual abandon.
The audience of on-the-edge kids goes bezerk,
guzzling beer and slam dancing with frightening
intensity
154. EXTERIOR HAMMERJACKS.
MOM speeds into parking lot.
SCOTTY is looking over his shoulder in fear as he
nears the entrance waiting in line with grunge-metal
kids.
DOORMAN
(To SCOTTY)
I.D.?
SCOTTY
(Panicked)
Can I give it to you inside?
DOORMAN
Hey, buddy. NOBODY gets
inside without I.D.
SCOTTY fumbles for his wallet.
MOM is hurrying across parking lot staring at SCOTTY
with a vengeance.
DAD and the kids speed into parking lot and jump out
of car.
DOORMAN
(Looking at Scotty's I.D.)
Birthdate?
SCOTTY
(Straining to remember
information on his fake I.D.)
Uh...December 14th, 1975.
(Pleading)
Please!
DOORHAN
Ok, go ahead,
SCOTTY snatches back I.D. and rushes inside.
As horde of cop cars with lights blinking and sirens
blaring screech into parking lot, MOM pushes her way
up in line and greets startled kids who recognize
her.
MOM
Hi! I know your mom...
KID A
It's her!
KID B
Who?
MOM
Excuse me.
(Pushing her way up in line)
Age before beauty...
KID C
The murder lady! The one
on TV!
KID B
Cool! Is she in a band?
MOM
(Butting ahead)
Sorry...the police are after
me...
DOORMAN
(Recognizing her)
Hey, you're Serial Mom!
MOM
(Modestly)
I guess I am.
DOORMAN
(Looks up and sees her family
and COPS rushing towards her)
Come on in lady. Quick!
(Hands her a badge)
Here, take this. A backstage
VIP pass.
(Proudly)
Welcome to Hammerjacks,
"Serial Mom"!
MOM
Thank you so much, you kind,
kind creature.
155. INTERIOR HAMMERJACKS.
A parents' nightmare. Grunge-punk hell. "CAMEL
LIPS" is undulating suggestively on stage screeching
out the chorus of "Gas Chamber" as they mock gasp
for breath, dodge beer bottles thrown from audience
and punch out male groupies who rush the stage past
brutish bouncers.
SCOTTY pushes his way through slam dancing crowd as
he is picked up and bodily tossed through the air by
frenzied mob of "body-surfing" dancers.
MOM is racing to catch up with SCOTTY.
MOM
Excuse me...coming through...
(Snatches beer bottle
out of boy's hand)
Bill Flowers! You're underage!
BILL
(Laughing)
Don't kill me, Serial Mom!
MOM
(Snatching joint out of
hophead girl's lips)
Just say NO! And COMB YOUR
HAIR, young lady!
GIRL
(Stoned)
Wow! It's her!
(Proudly)
AND SHE'S A HEAVY METAL
MANIAC!!!
DAD looks horrified as he politely maneuvers his way
through crowd as CHIP, MISTY and BIRDIE take over
and begin "slamming" their way through crowd opening
up a crowd for DAD.
The COPS flood the place. DET. MOORE sees MOM in
the distance, grabs DET. BRADFORD and they begin to
fight their way through crowd after her.
"CAMEL LIPS" incites the crowd from the stage to
fight back against the police.
SCOTTY is running toward stage in terror, looking
over his shoulder and seeing MOM gaining on him.
DAD gets caught in a mob of slam dancers and is
lifted off his feet and tossed through the air by
the crowd.
MISTY, CHIP and BIRDIE see DAD airborne and start
slamming into the crowd to save him. MISTY and CHIP
slam into big BIKER below DAD and DAD is knocked
back to the ground safely.
When BIRDIE sees a slam dancer with a trickle of
blood running from his nose, she starts gagging at
the sight of real blood.
SCOTTY is at the edge of the stage. He sees MOM
almost on top of him and leaps onto stage and runs
for his life, dodging bouncers and beer bottles
being thrown from audience.
MOM looks furious that SCOTTY has escaped but then
looks up at theatrical light rigging overhead and
then back down at SCOTTY's face as "CAMEL LIPS"
tries to hit him with their instruments. MOM looks
over her shoulder and sees DET. MOORE and DET.
BRADFORD advancing on her. Ducking behind a giant
speaker, out of view of the crowd MOM pulls butcher
knife from purse, cuts supporting rope and sends
whole set of lights crashing down on SCOTTY's head.
The crowd goes wild thinking it's more of "CAMEL
LIPS" sickening theatrics.
A gang of heavy-metal chicks slam into DET. MOORE
and DET. BRADFORD and knock them to the ground.
MOM's eyes light up in fury when she sees SCOTTY
still alive, crawling out from under the lights,
semi-conscious and bleeding.
BIRDIE faints at the sight of more blood.
Thinking fast, MOM swipes a hairspray can sticking
out of a girl's purse and uses her VIP pass to go
backstage as CAMEL LIPS reaches its deafening
crescendo of musical mayhem.
As SCOTTY crawls to side of stage, MOM jumps out
from a piece of backstage scenery and aims hairspray
can at him.
MOM
(Hissing)
Buckle up, Scotty!
MOM lights the spray from the hairspray can and
ignites SCOTTY's clothes in lethal flames without
anyone seeing her.
SCOTTY runs across the stage ablaze as "CAMEL LIPS"
plays the final deafening note of their song and the
crowd gives a screaming ovation, all holding up lit
lighters, thinking SCOTTY on fire is all part of the
act.
DET. MOORE and DET. BRADFORD look to the stage in
horror.
DAD gasps in fear. MISTY and CHIP stare speechless
as SCOTTY falls to his knees and keels over. BIRDIE
comes to and then faints again.
The LEAD SINGER thinks it's a joke, pours a little
Jack Daniels on the smouldering corpse and then
jumps back in comic over-reaction when the flames
light up again.
MOM, now caught in the front row of laughing
slam-dancing spectators, turns to her dumb-struck
family, smiles and sticks fingers in her ears,
mimicking that the music is much too loud.
DET. MOORE and DET. BRADFORD slamdance MOM from both
sides and knock her to the ground and handcuff her.
DAD puts his arms around CHIP, MISTY and BIRDIE as
they hang their heads in sorrow.
"CAMEL LIPS" and the entire audience of grunge-punks
boo and jeer the police as they drag MOM out as she
smiles innocently in suburban lunacy.
Slow fade to black.
156. Slow fade from black to EXTERIOR TOWSON COURTHOUSE.
WINTER.
DAD, CHIP, BIRDIE, MISSY and her new boyfriend, the
REPORTER get out of folksy lawyer, HERBIE HEBDEN'S
car and follow him through crowd of hostile press-
trial groupies, and MOM1s punk-grunge fans, feeling
the full heat of MOM's serial killer infamy. DAD
wears a "Say No to the Gas Chamber" button and
BIRDIE has turned hippy, wearing tie-dye clothes
covered in peace signs. CHIP, on the other hand,
looks cooler, wears L.A. styled outfit and carries
copy of Variety. MISTY is obviously very much in
love and the REPORTER seems to feel the same way
about her. Subtitle appears "Four months later,
Monday, January 18th, 9:46am" and then fades out.
PRESS A
Mr. Sutphin! How does your
wife feel?
DAD
(Grim-faced)
Beverly is devastated by the
charges against her.
157. INTERIOR PRISON BUS.
Female criminals are handcuffed and seated around
MOM on their way to court as MOM leads them in a
joyous and Disney-esoue rendition of "100 Bottles of
Beer on the Wall". MOM sings out with insane
happiness and glee.
158. INTERIOR COURTHOUSE CORRIDOR OUTSIDE OF COURTROOM.
A "COURT TV" reporter is interviewing trial groupies
as they wait in line to go through metal detectors
to attend MOM's trial.
COURT TV
...And you, ma'am, how long
have you been waiting to get
in?
LADY A
(Beaming at the attention)
Since 5:00am. But it's gonna
be worth it! I know she's guilty!
HUSBAND A
(Leaning into the shot)
We've been to famous trials
all over the country!
WIFE A
(Getting into the act)
..Manson.. .Watergate...
(To Lady A)
Didn't I see you at Hinkley?
LADY A
(Proudly)
I was there! My husband
thought I was crazy but...
(Seeing Sutphin family
getting off elevator)
LOOK! HERE THEY COME!!
That awful family!
The hostile crowd starts craning their necks and
screaming in recognition as if rock stars are making
their entrance. DAD is blinded by the press's
flashbulbs as HERBIE HEBDEN tries to stop CHIP from
signing autographs as BIRDIE hands out "Stop the
Violence" handbills. REPORTER BOYFRIEND gives MISTY
the signal and she starts crying for his exclusive
news shots.
159. INTERIOR COURTROOM.
Packed with spectators, press and security officers.
The middle-class jury of seven woman and five men
take their place in the jury box as Sutphin family
take their seats in front row behind HERBIE HEBDEN
at his defense table.
TIMOTHY NAZLEROD, the prosecutor, studies evidence
photos of victim's bodies at the District Attorney's
table on other side of the courtroom. He looks up
in disgust as MOM makes her apple-pie entrance.
Escorted by two stern-faced police matrons.
Subtitle appears "10:00am" and fades out.
MOM
(Happily waving to DAD)
Hi, honey!
DAD smiles back pitifully.
MOM
(To CHIP, BIRDIE & MISTY)
Kids, did you do your homework?
They give her a weak smile and nod "Yes".
JUDGE
Quiet in the courtroom! Court
is now in session!
MOM
(To JURY)
Hello, jury people.
My name's Beverly Sutphin.
(To startled woman juror)
I like your jacket!
JUDGE
(Losing patience)
Mrs. Sutphin, I SAID QUIET!
You are accused of mass murder!
This is a court of law, not
a coffee klatch!
(Bangs gavel)
Mr. Nazlerod, your opening
statement.
MR. NAZLEROD
Thank you, your honor.
(Approaches JURY)
Ladies and Gentlemen of the
Jury, my name is Timothy
Nazlerod...
(Smarmily)
...and I hope we can be
friends!
(JURY stares back
impartially)
...I warn you, this is not a
pretty case...Beverly Sutphin
is a woman evil to the core...
(JURY POV shot of innocent-
looking MOM staring back
at them)
...a rotten apple, if you will...
(DAD gulps in sorrow)
...who beyond a reasonable
doubt killed five innocent
people!!
SPECTATORS scowl hatefully at MOM.
CHIP
(Whispering to BIRDIE,
making excuses)
Well...they sort of deserved it...
BIRDIE pales over the mere thought of violence.
DAD
(To CHIP)
Shhhhh!
He looks over and sees MISTY and REPORTER BOYFRIEND
are holding hands and glares at them to stop.
MR. NAZLEROD
...THAT'S RIGHT! SHE MURDERED
THEM!...WITH A SPEEDING CAR...
A FIRE POKER...
MOM subtly motions to MALE JUROR that he has
something in his nose.
MR. NAZLEROD
...A PAIR OF SCISSORS...
JUROR self-consciously feels around his nostrils in
embarrassment.
MR. NAZLEROD
...A TOPPLED AIR CONDITIONER!
MOM signals to JUROR that the problem is still
there.
MR. NAZLEROD
...THE LETHAL FLAMES FROM AN
AEROSOL CAN...EVEN A LEG OF
LAMB!!
JUROR blows his nose. MOM smiles happily to him
that the problem is solved.
MR. NAZLEROD
...Beverly Sutphin is not a
woman!...
MISTY and REPORTER are watching and move even closer
together to snuggle.
MR. NAZLEROD
...SHE IS A MONSTER!!
MOM's smile turns to horror as JUROR #8 on end of
second row crosses her legs and MOM zeros in on her
hideous white summer shoes.
Wipe to a disheveled HERBIE HEBDEN, the ultimate
liberal defense attorney, as he paces back and forth
before JURY wiping his brow.
HERBIE HEBDEN
...Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm
Herbie Hebden and you and I
have a tough job ahead of us...
MOM is still staring insanely at JUROR1s shoes.
HERBIE HEBDEN
...I have known the Sutphin
family for sixteen years...
MOM is frantically scribbling a note to her attorney
on a legal pad.
HERBIE HEBDEN
...Dad, Eugene, is my dentist...
DAD self-consciously smiles to JURORS.
HERBIE HEBDEN
...Chip and Misty played with
my own children...
CHIP smiles to MOM's few heavymetal supporters as
REPORTER BOYFRIEND puts his arm around MISTY.
HERBIE HEBDEN
...but I've found out I don't
know Beverly Sutphin at all!
He is trying to ignore MOM as she passes him a note
that says "Juror #8 is wearing white summer shoes!"
HERBIE HEBDEN
...No one really knows Beverly
Sutphin...
MOM writes angrily "AFTER LABOR DAY!!"
HERBIE HEBDEN
...You see...
(He reads note to humor MOM)
...Beverly Sutphin is INSANE!!
MOM
(Suddenly defiant)
I AM NOT!
Courtroom spectators gasp as DAD's mouth falls open.
HERBIE HEBDEN
(Trying to make his point)
Yes, she committed these
terrible crimes...
(Pleading)
...but that doesn't make her
a bad person.
MOM
(Standing)
Your honor, I have a motion.
I would like to fire my
attorney, and defend myself!
Sutphin family looks at one another, shocked at
MOM's change of plans.
HERBIE HEBDEN
Beverly Sutphin is not guilty,
by reason of INSANITY!
MOM
Oh shut up, Herbie!
(To JUDGE)
I have the right to defend myself,
your honor. I've read the
lawbooks! "Ware vs. State, 1964",
and "Schutte vs. State, 1962".
JUDGE
Mrs. Sutphin, a defendant
who has herself for a lawyer
has a fool for a client...
(To attorneys)
Approach the bench!
MOM smiles at DAD who looks bewildered as CHIP,
MISTY and REPORTER BOYFRIEND give MOM the thumbs-up
sign as BIRDIE nervously flashes her the peace sign.
JUDGE
(As bench conference
breaks up)
Mrs. Sutphin, I have no
legal choice but to allow
you to take over as your own
attorney.
DAD looks worried and unsure.
HERBIE HEBDEN
(Sulking out of courtroom,
to MOM)
You'll get my bill, I mean
it! A big one!
JUDGE
(To MOM)
How do you plead?
MOM
(Proudly)
NOT GUILTY, your honor!
Courtroom and press buzz intently at MOM's new plea.
MR. NAZLEROD
(Furious)
I call to the stand, Dottie
Hinkle!
A vindictive and hostile, DOTTIE HINKLE enters the
courtroom and eagerly takes the stand. As she is
sworn in, MOM watches her with an evil smile.
MR. NAZLEROD
Mrs. Hinkle, did you ever
receive obscene telephone
calls?
DOTTIE
(Staring right at MOM)
I certainly did.
MR. NAZLEROD
Did you recognize the voice
of the caller?
DOTTIE
Not at first, but then I
heard the same inflection in
a voice at a social gathering
and I put two and two together.
MR. NAZLEROD
Who's voice was it, Dottie?
DOTTIE
(Pointing to MOM)
It was her! Beverly Sutphin!
Sittin' right there!
(Dramatically to JURY)
I'm lucky I'm not DEAD!!
Wipe to MOM approaching DOTTIE HINKLE for
cross-examination.
MOM
Mrs. Hinkle...do you drink?
DOTTIE
(Haughtily)
No, I don't.
MOM
So you weren't drunk when
you received those alleged
obscene phonecalls?
DOTTIE
I certainly was not!
MOM
You mean to tell me the
day I came over to Mrs.
Ackerman's...the day you
claim you recognized my
voice...you weren't drinking?
DOTTIE
(Flustered)
One beer with lunch is
hardly "drinking".
MISTY, CHIP and BIRDIE smile at MOM's legal skills.
MOM
So you do drink?
DOTTIE
Socially...I'll have a
beer.
MOM
So you admit you just
lied?
MR. NAZLEROD
Objection! Argumentative!
DOTTIE
(Rising to the bait)
NO I DON'T, YOU BITCH!
JUDGE
Sustained.
(To DOTTIE)
Watch your mouth, Mrs.
Hinkle.
Press scribbles frantically, beginning to doubt
witness's credibility.
MOM quickly and sneakily mouths "FUCK YOU" to DOTTIE
without the JUDGE or anyone else in the courtroom
besides DOTTIE seeing.
DOTTIE
(Shocked, to JUDGE)
Did you see her?! She just
said "Fuck you" to me!
MOM
(Innocently, to JUDGE)
Let the record show I'm
just standing here.
DOTTIE
FUCK YOU TOO, YOU WHORE!
JUDGE
I'm warning you, Mrs. Hinkle.
One more obscenity and I'll
charge you with contempt of
court.
DAD watches, amazed at his wife's cunning.
MOM
(Dramatically)
Mrs. Hinkle, are you insane?
DOTTIE
NO I'M NOT, YOU MOTHER-FUCKER!
Police matrons lunge at DOTTIE as she leaps from
witness box to attack MOM.
JUDGE
(Bangs gavel)
Mrs. Hinkle, I find you
guilty of contempt of
court and sentence you to
a thousand dollar fine and
five days in jail!
(To MATRONS)
Lock 'er up!
DOTTIE
(To MOM, being dragged
out)
YOU COCK-SUCKER! YOU LOUSY
PIG-FUCKER!
MOM smiles at JURY and turns to wink at her amazed
family as spectators watch, willing to give MOM, for
the first time, the benefit of the doubt.
Fade out.
160. Fade in to COURTROOM HALLWAY. MORNING.
CHIP is pacing up and down yelling into a mobile
phone outside MOM's trial as long line of spectators
wait to get in. Subtitle appears "Tuesday, January
19th, 10:05am" and then fades out.
CHIP
(On phone)
...Well, you tell "Geraldo" to
go to hell! I don't care what
Jeffrey MacDonald's people got
- he's old news! We fly first
class or we don't do the show!
A YOUNG MAN angrily approaches CHIP.
YOUNG MAN
Are you Chip Sutphin?
CHIP
(Into phone)
Hold on...
(To YOUNG MAN)
Yeah I am, but you'll have
to speak to my agent...
YOUNG MAN
Your mom killed my brother!
He punches CHIP in the mouth.
CHIP
(Getting up, rubbing
his jaw)
That's cool...hey look, you're
Carl's brother, right?
YOUNG MAN
That's right.
CHIP
I'm sorry he's dead, but...
have you signed off yet?
YOUNG MAN
(Suddenly all business)
You mean for TV or print?
CHIP
TV, man! Farrah Fawcett's
interested in playing my
mother!
YOUNG MAN
(Impressed, eyes lighting up)
Farrah Fawcett?! Who's gonna
play my brother? Is Jason
Priestly available?
161. INTERIOR COURTHOUSE.
LU-ANN HODGES, pot-head witness from PTA murder is
on the stand testifying for the prosecution.
MR. NAZLEROD
Miss Hodges, could you describe
the car...the one you saw run
over Mr. Stubbins in cold blood?
LU-ANN
(Giggling)
I seen that movie!...On cable!
MOM stares in shock at JUROR #8 who has the nerve to
give MOM a friendly smile back while wearing yet
another hideous pair of white summer shoes. Trying
to suppress her rage, MOM turns to spectator section
and happily notices the faces of GUS and SLOPPY
smiling back to her in support.
MR. NAZLEROD
(Annoyed at his witness)
PLEASE, Miss Hodges!
DAD looks up at the unconvincing witness from
reading "The Case Against Capital Punishment".
LU-ANN
(Obviously stoned)
'Scuse me...
(Giggles)
...Well, like I told you,
it was blue. The car, not
the driver...
(Laughs like a lunatic)
Just blue...you know...like
blue!
162. EXTERIOR COURTHOUSE.
MISTY has set up a flea market table and with the
help of her REPORTER BOYFRIEND, is doing a brisk
business hawking "Serial Mom" T-shirts to trial
spectators.
MISTY
Get your "Serial Mom"
T-shirts while they last!
$19.95 plus tax! Master
Card or Visa!
LADY D
I'll take two. I wish they'd
had something like this at
the Kennedy kid trial!...
MISTY
(Processing the charge on
portable printer)
Thanks, ma'am. Signature
here and home phone.
163. INTERIOR COURTHOUSE.
DET. BRADFORD is on the witness stand.
MR. NAZLEROD
...And these books...
(Holding up "Urge to Kill",
"Mass Murder in Houston")
...these disgusting books that
so lovingly describe the sadistic
acts of serial killers...Where
did you find these books?
DET. BRADFORD
(Looking at MOM hatefully)
In Beverly Sutphin's trash can.
MR. NAZLEROD
(Smugly to MOM)
You may cross-examine, Mrs.
Sutphin.
MOM takes over and smiles in conspiracy at GUS and
SLOPPY who giggle in excitement about what is to
come.
MOM
(To NAZLEROD)
Thank you.
(To DET. BRADFORD)
Detective Bradford, if I was
to look through your trash can,
what reading material would I
find?
MR. NAZLEROD
Objection! Immaterial!
JUDGE
You may answer.
DET. BRADFORD
.."Time"..."Newsweek". My
wife gets "Ladies Home Journal"...
MOM
(Smiling)
Well, this magazine was found in
your trash just last night...
(Holds up porno magazine)
...It's called "Chicks with Dicks".
DET. BRADFORD
(Turning bright red)
GODDAMN YOU! THAT'S TRESPASSING!
The entire courtroom bursts into laughter except for
his partner, DET. MOORE, who looks at him in shock.
GUS and SLOPPY laugh the loudest.
MOM
Don't judge people by what
they read, Detective.
(Smugly)
Your witness, Mr. Nazierod.
MOM winks to SLOPPY and GUS.
DET BRADFORD
(Sputtering, purple with rage)
I'm a married man!!
BAILIFFS forcefully remove him from the stand.
DET. BRADFORD
(Yelling to MOM)
I hope you get the gas chamber!
JUDGE
The jury is instructed to ignore
the outburst of the witness.
MR. NAZLEROD
(Furious at MOM's
cross-examination)
I call to the stand Rosemary
Ackerman!
Wipe to MRS. ACKERMAN on the stand holding the fire
poker murder weapon tagged as evidence.
MR. NAZLEROD
...and did you ever see the
fire poker again after you
left it with Mrs. Sutphin?
MRS. ACKERMAN
Yes! Thirty minutes later
it was covered with blood and
gore and Carl Padgett was dead!
MR. NAZLEROD
No further questions.
MOM
(Standing to cross-examine)
Mrs. Ackerman, when you left
me at the flea-market, where
did you go?
MRS. ACKERMAN
...Browsing.
MOM
Did Carl Padgett buy
something you wanted?
MRS. ACKERMAN
I didn't want that Faberge
egg - it was chipped!
MOM
Carl Padgett died for the
Franklin Mint, didn't he?!
MRS. ACKERMAN
(Shocked at the suspicion
being pointed at her)
NO! I could never hurt anyone!
Spectators buzz.
MOM
(Not letting up)
That was your People magazine
with the letters cut out, wasn't it?
MRS. ACKERMAN
Yes, but I lent it...
MOM
(Cutting her off)
And those were your scissors
found sticking out of Mrs.
Sterner's stomach, weren't they?
MRS. ACKERMAN
(Stuttering, panicked)
Yes...but...I didn't...
MOM
(Suddenly, dramatically)
Mrs. Ackerman, do you recycle?
MRS. ACKERMAN
(Horrified at the sudden
silence in court as everyone
stares at her in hostility)
No...
(Weakly)
I don't have room in my kitchen...
GUS, SLOPPY and all the spectators let out a howl of
disapproval. Even the JUDGE scowls at the witness
in disgust.
164. EXTERIOR COURTHOUSE.
REPORTER BOYFRIEND is unpacking stack of the
"instant" book he wrote "Serial Mom - The Real
Story" and autographing them for a line of
housewives.
HOUSEWIFE A
(To RALPH)
Could you sign it: "To
a future Serial Mom"?
REPORTER
(Signing)
Sure. You think she did it?
HOUSEWIFE B
I have reasonable doubt.
HOUSEWIFE C
(Buying a book)
I feel like killing a couple
of people myself!
All the HOUSEWIVES in line begin booing and jeering
MRS. ACKERMAN as she runs in terror from courthouse
with GUS and SLOPPY chasing after her.
165. INTERIOR COURTHOUSE.
DET. MOORE is on witness stand being examined by the
prosecution.
MR. NAZLEROD
Detective Moore, did you
then proceed to the stage
area inside "Hammerjacks"?
DET. MOORE
Yes, I did. Scotty Barnhiil
was on fire and he fell to
his knees in flames.
BIRDIE looks up from reading "Ghandi" biography and
gags as prosecutor hands DET. MOORE a gory 8x10
glossy photo of victim.
MR. NAZLEROD
Would this be what you saw?
DET. MOORE
Yes, sir. A real barbecue.
Suddenly a buzz starts in the courtroom and all
heads turn to the back of the spectator section
where the real life star, FARRAH FAWCETT* is
entering with an entourage to "observe" Serial Mom.
MOM acknowledges MS. FAWCETT with a dignified nod as
DAD looks on in amazement.
DET. MOORE, the JURY, even the JUDGE crane their
necks to get a better look at FARRAH FAWCETT.
MR. NAZLEROD
(Ignoring FARRAH FAWCETT,
trying to continue)
Your honor!
(Impatiently)
May the photo be entered in as
evidence and passed to the jury?
JUDGE
Huh?...oh yeah...YES.
DET. MOORE
(Star-struck)
Jeeeeze! It really is Farrah
Fawcett!
JUDGE
(Blurting out, unable
to contain himself)
I loved you in "The Burning
Bed"!
MR. NAZLEROD
(Furious at JUDGE)
No further questions!
(Smugly looking at MOM)
I call to the stand, Marvin
Pickles.
MOM looks back in sudden fear at the prospect of
this mystery witness.
166. INTERIOR COURTHOUSE MEN'S ROOM.
MARVIN PICKLES, the pervert from the flea market
bathroom has locked himself in a stall and is
scrawling "I SNIFF JURIES' UNDERPANTS" on wall.
A POLICE OFFICER enters men's room, frantically
banging on bathroom doors.
COP
MR. PICKLES! MR. MARVIN
PICKLES!
MARVIN
Be right out.
COP
The Judge is waiting for you!
167. INTERIOR COURTROOM.
MARVIN PICKLES hurriedly enters as all heads turn to
follow him to the stand. CHIP, who has joined
BIRDIE and his family looks at MOM and sees her
worried expression.
MR. NAZLEROD
State your name, please.
MARVIN
Marvin A. Pickles.
MR. NAZLEROD
Were you in the men's room
at the Edmonson Drive In
Flea Market on Saturday,
September 19th?
MARVIN
Yes, I was.
FARRAH FAWCETT answers a ringing mobile phone in her
purse.
MR. NAZLEROD
Did you see anybody in the
booth next to you?
MARVIN sinks down lower in witness chair so he can
get a better view up MOM's skirt.
MARVIN
I...um...
(Turned on)
uh...
MOM looks at him confused, still unaware of his
letchery.
MR. NAZLEROD
(Getting testy)
Mr. Pickle! Did you see
anybody in the booth next
to you?
MARVIN
I...1'm not sure...
(Really turned on,
starting to moan)
...I...oohhh...Excuse me...
MR. NAZLEROD
(Outraged)
What do you mean, you're not
sure?!
MOM suddenly realizes MARVIN is looking up her
skirt. In a brilliant legal maneuver she begins
inching her skirt up a little higher under the table
out of view of the rest of the courtroom, giving
MARVIN a better view and hoping to change his
damning testimony.
MARVIN
(Eyes popping out of head)
There was nobody next to me:
Housewife trial groupies start buzzing wildly in
newfound support of MOM.
MR. NAZLEROD
(Losing it)
Mr. Pickles, you testified
before the Grand Jury that
you looked down and "saw a
pair of lady's shoes" in the
stall next to you.
MOM smiles like the perfect saint as she begins
flapping her leqe back and forth under the table,
flashing MARVIN her very prim nun-like undergarments
out of view of the rest of the courtroom.
MARVIN
(Lost in his own
perverted glory)
Ohhhh! I just said what you
told me to!
DAD looks over at MISTY and REPORTER BOYFRIEND who
have rejoined the family in court and is horrified
to see them with their arms wrapped around each
other, cuddling.
MR. NAZLEROD
PERJURY IS A SERIOUS OFFENCE,
MR. PICKLES!!
MOM is flapping her legs back and forth double time
as MARVIN goes into his own private orgasm.
MARVZN
Ooohhhhhh! I made it all up!
I never saw Beverly Sutphin
in my life!
MR. NAZLEROD
(Absolutely furious)
You'll pay for this, Marvin
A. Pickles!
(Returning to seat)
I'm turning your file over
to the vice-squad!!
(Sitting down)
The prosecution rests, your
honor.
MOM
(Giving MARVIN her version of
a sexy smile as he leaves stand)
The prosecution has proven
nothing, your honor.
(To the JURY)
The defense also rests!
The spectators burst into spontaneous applause as
DAD looks at the kids in fear at the upcoming
verdict.
168. Wipe to HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF COURTROOM.
FARRAM FAWCETT is giving an impromptu press
conference to the throng of adoring reporters.
FARRAH FAWCETT
...I feel that Beverly Sutphin
is an innocent woman, wrongly
accused. A normal housewife
trapped in a nightmare of
circumstantial evidence...
169. INTERIOR COURTROOM.
TIMOTHY NAZLEROD is giving the prosecution's closing
argument.
MR. NAZLEROD
(Pointing to MOM)
...That's her! Henrietta Lee
Lucas! Joan Wayne Gacy! A
new face in the deck of serial
killer trading cards... Find
her guilty of all five counts
of first degree murder...!
170. HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF COURTROOM.
FARRAH FAWCETT is still pontificating for the press.
FARRAH FAWCETT
...I only hope that I can
portray "Serial Mom"'s life on
the TV screen with the proper
dignity that this feminist
heroine deserves.
171. INTERIOR COURTROOM.
MOM
(Addressing the jury with
calm believability)
Look at me! I'm a normal
person just like you are!
DAD wipes away a tear as CHIP looks at a preliminary
design for mini-series showing FARRAH FAWCETT done
up as MOM.
MOM
...But I've been framed by
the police...
MISTY and REPORTER BOYFRIEND are now openly making
out in courtroom.
MOM
...and perjured against by
the very people I thought
were my friends...
BIRDIE looks out of courtroom window and sees a bird
eating a worm and shudders in horror as CHIP pats
her hand affectionately.
MOM
...All I ask is that you
have the courage to find
me innocent of these terribly
untrue charges...
172. HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF COURTROOM.
FARRAH FAWCETT is "reenacting" MOM's closing
argument for the enthralled press corp.
FARRAH FAWCETT
(Hammily)
...All I ask is that you find
me innocent of these terribly
untrue charges...
173. INTERIOR COURTROOM.
Dissolve to stern-faced JURORS filing back into jury
box, not looking at MOM. Subtitle appears "Two days
later. Thursday, January 21st. 3:20pm" and then
fades out.
JUDGE
Ladies and Gentlemen of
the Jury, have you reached
a verdict?
FOREMAN
Yes we have, your honor...
JUROR #8 gives MOM a smile.
FOREMAN
...We find the defendant
not guilty of all charges.
Courtroom erupts in pandemonium, FARRAH FAWCETT
cheering the loudest. MOM turns to family who sit
stunned in seats.
MOM
I'm coming home!!
DAD forces a weak smile as he turns white as a
ghost.
JUDGE
(Bangs gavel in disgust)
Court adjourned!
DAD
(Whispering to a shocked
CHIP and MISTY)
...What should I do?
CHIP
(Suddenly nervous)
Bring her home...I guess.
BIRDIE
(Mumbling to herself)
No more violence...No more
violence...
REPORTER BOYFRIEND
Think she'll like me?
MISTY
(Worried)
Just be nice to her. And try
...just try not to get on her
nerves.
MOM rushes over to DAD, free at last and gives him a
big hug as press, fans, even the jury cheer her
victory.
174. INTERIOR COURTROOM HALLWAY.
The stunned Sutphin family exits as MOM raises fists
like "Rocky" to cheers of her supporters.
MOM
(Graciously accepting
flowers, signing autographs,
posing for the press)
I love you! Thanks for coming!
(Slows a kiss to newsteam)
Hi Los Angeles!
(Looking into another camera)
Hello Cleveland!
(And another)
And you too, New York!
Down the hall, inside a bank of old fashioned wooden
phone booths is JUROR #8, excitedly talking on pay
phone.
JUROR #8
(Proudly)
We did it! We set her free!
I knew she was innocent
right from the beginning!...
Without warning, MOM slams her way into phone booth,
hangs up the call and grabs receiver out of JUROR
#8's hand.
MOM
(Snarling scarily)
You can't wear white shoes
after Labor Day!
JUROR #8
(Stammering in open-mouthed
terror)
No...please...that's not
true anymore.
MOM
Oh yes it is!
(In homicidal fury)
Didn't your mother ever
tell you?!
MOM suddenly bludgeons JUROR #8 over the head with
the telephone receiver.
MOM
Well, now you know!
JUROR #8, stunned by the blow, struggles to stay
conscious.
JUROR #8
(Staggering in pain)
But...fashion has changed...
MOM
(Enraged)
No it hasn't!
MOM imediately hits JUROR #8 over the head again
with the telephone receiver.
As JUROR #8's screams are drowned out by the passing
PRESS MOB, MOM hits her again and again with the
telephone receiver until JUROR #8 collapses to the
ground, her white summer shoes turned red with her
own blood.
Cut back to Sutphin family, holding on to each other
for dear life as the mob of supporters swell around
them.
DAD
(Realizing MOM is missing
in the confusion)
Beverly? Beverly?
MOM flies out of phone booth wearing a big smile,
not missing a beat.
MOM
Right here, honey.
PRESS
Mrs. Sutphin, can we get
a shot with you and Farrah
Fawcett?
MOM
Certainly.
FARRAH FAWCETT barges in and takes over.
FARRAH
Hello, Beverly. I'm Farrah
Fawcett
(Pulling MOM rudely)
You stand here...
(To PRESS)
Ok, boys, a medium two shot...
MOM
(Trying to get on other
side of FAWCETT)
...but please...if I could
just...
FARRAH
(Rudely shoving MOM back
in place)
Stay there, Beverly.
(Posing)
Smile, Serial Mom!
Flashbulbs explode.
MOM
(Hissing to FARRAH in the
scariest, most threatening
voice yet)
THAT'S MY BAD SIDE, FARRAH
FAWCETT!!
A JUROR down the hall screams in horror as she opens
phone booth door and a bloody white shoe pops out.
FARRAH FAWCETT looks back at MOM in sudden fear.
MOM glares back with the face of a madwoman.
Freeze frame.
Dissolve to epilogue title card: "Beverly Sutphin
is a free woman."
CREDIT ROLL.
| 
