Jon Favreau's "Swingers"
FOR EDUCATIONAL USE ONLY
Dec. 13, 1994
1 EXT. HOLLYWOOD - NIGHT 1
The soundtrack opens with Frank Sinatra's "Fly Me to the
A HELICOPTER SHOT OF THE L.A. basin.
The pool of golden light disintegrates into the thousands of
points which constitute it as we rapidly draw closer to the
We are just above the tops of the highest buildings as we
approach Hollywood Boulevard. Below is neon and the icy
thrust of search lights rotating on the corner of Hollywood
We continue west, then quickly north.
There is the momentary appearance of the moonlit HOLLYWOOD
sign as we pass the blinking red beacon of the Capital
Records building and drop into Franklin avenue and over the
Architectural remnants of Hollywood's past whip up. We are
heading east at treetop level. A warm glow in the distance
quickly grows into a modest commercial strip which includes
cafes, bookstores, and a theater.
We drop to eye level as we spy through the plate glass
showcase window of the "Bourgeois Pig" coffeehouse, which
holds the translucent reflection of the full moon.
A cigarette wedged between knuckles smoulders. MIKE takes
the last drag with great effort, then crushes it out. He
sits in the window sprawled across a red velvet couch that
once perfectly complemented a faux spanish foyer.
MATCH CUT TO:
2 EXT. "BOURGEOIS PIG" COFFEEHOUSE - COUCHES AND TABLE IN FRONT 2
WINDOW - NIGHT
ROB sits down next to Mike, pouring himself some tea.
And what if I don't want to give up on
You don't call.
But you said I shouldn't call if I
wanted to give up on her.
So I don't call either way.
So what's the difference?
The only difference between giving up and
not giving up is if you take her back
when she wants to come back. See, you
can't do anything to make her want to
come back. You can only do things to
make her not want to come back.
So the only difference is if I forget
about her or pretend to forget about her.
Well that sucks.
So it's almost a retroactive decision.
So I could, like, let's say, forget about
her and when she comes back make like I
just pretended to forget about her.
Right...or more likely the opposite.
Right... Wait, what do you mean?
I mean first you'll pretend not to care,
not call - whatever, and then,
eventually, you really won't care.
Unless she comes back first.
Ah, see, that's the thing. Somehow they
don't come back until you really don't
There's the rub.
There's the rub.
Thanks, man. Sorry we always talk about
the same thing all the time...
Hey man, don't sweat it.
...It's just that you've been there.
Your advice really helps.
Rob, I just want you to know, you're the
only one I can talk to about her.
Thanks. Thanks, man.
3 INT. MIKE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 3
Close up on answering machine. Mike pushes the button.
Hello, you have five messages.
Mike's eyes light up. He paces in anticipation as the tape
Hey, baby. It's Trent. I hope you're
feeling better about your old girlfriend.
I hope my advice helped...
Mike fast-forwards to next message.
Whatsup, Mike. If you want to talk some
more about Michelle...
Mike, it's Chris. Feeling better yet
Tension grows with every inch of spooling tape. Did she
leave a message?
Hi, Mike. Did she call yet? If she
didn't then she doesn't deserve...
The last one. It's a long shot, but he's got the faith.
(elderly female voice)
Michael, this is Grandma. I want to know
if you got the part on that television
program. I told the whole family and
they're very excited to know if...
Skipping message. End of final message.
(lighting a cigarette,
You have to put things in perspective.
(unfazed by the sentient
I know, I know.
You've been through worse.
You're right. I know.
Ever since I've known you.
I don't know about that.
Moving here from New York was much more
of an adjustment than this.
It didn't feel that way.
That's because it was a challenge. You
has control over you're situation. It
was hard, but you rose to it.
Okay. I'll think about that. Bye.
You really should. Life, after all, is
really just a series of challenges...
Enough. I've got to use the phone.
Are you calling Her?
No. Stop, come on.
The LED goes black as the machine beeps off. Mike picks up
the phone and hits autodial.
Machine beeps off. Phone rings again, then is answered.
Lemme get off the other line, baby.
We hear the clicks of call-waiting-hold limbo. The silence
(synthesized voice over phone)
You should call your Grandmother.
(returning to line)
That was Sue. We got two parties
tonight. One's for a modeling agency.
I don't know...
Listen to me, baby, there are going to be
beautiful babies there.
Trent, I don't feel like going out
tonight. I got shit to do tomorrow...
Listen to you. I got an audition for a
pilot at nine and I'm going. You gotta
get out with some beautiful babies. You
can't sit home thinking about her.
I don't know...
I don't know, I don't know- listen to
you. We're gonna have fun tonight. We
gotta get you out of that stuffy
We're gonna spend half the night driving
around the Hills looking for this party
and then leaving cause it sucks, then
we're gonna look for this other party you
heard about. But, Trent, all the parties
and bars, they all suck. I spend half
the night trying to talk to some girl
who's eyes are darting around to see if
there's someone else she should be
talking to. And it's like I'm supposed
to be all happy cause she's wearing a
backpack. Half of them are nasty skanks
who wouldn't be shit if they weren't
surrounded by a bunch of drunken horny
assholes. I'm not gonna be one of those
assholes. It's fucking depressing. Some
skank who isn't half the woman my
girlfriend is is gonna front me? It
makes me want to puke.
You got it bad, baby. You need Vegas.
What are you talking about? Vegas?
We're going to Vegas.
I'll pick you up in a half an hour.
I'm not going to Vegas.
Shut up- yes you are. Now listen to Tee.
We'll stop at a cash machine on the way.
A long thoughtful pause.
I can't lose more than a hundred.
Just bring your card. Half an hour.
What are you wearing? I mean, we should
Oh... Now Mikey wants to be a high
No, seriously, if you're dressed nice and
you act like you gamble a lot, they give
you free shit.
Okay Bugsy. Twenty minutes.
Wear a suit, I'm telling you it works.
Be downstairs. You're beautiful.
4 EXT. MIKE'S BUILDING - FRANKLIN AVENUE - NIGHT 4
Mike is dressed to the nines in classic vintage threads.
He's trying to look at ease as he straightens his cuff links.
He approaches Trent who suavely leans against his worn down
ride. He's a tall, slim, good-looking cat. His sharkskin
suit hangs well on his lanky frame as it tapers to his
ankles. Sinatra's "Come Fly With Me" on the tape deck adds
an elegance to the scene. They exchange an impish grin and
depart without saying a word. Maybe this isn't such a bad
5 INT. TRENT'S CAR - DETAIL SHOT - SPEEDOMETER - NIGHT 5
The NEEDLE IS PINNED. The gauges are blurred by the
vibration of the poorly tuned engine. The SHOT WIDENS to
reveal that the "Oil" and "Service" dummy lights are both
illuminated, causing an eerie red glow onto TRENT's white
6 EXT. DESERT ROAD - NIGHT 6
Trent's car is red-lined. The SWINGERS are Vegas bound. Do
not pass go.
MATCH CUT TO:
7 INT. TRENT'S CAR - NIGHT 7
I took out three hundred, but I'm only
gonna bet with one. I figure if we buy
a lot of chips, the pit boss will see and
they'll comp us all sorts of shit, then
we trade back the chips at the end of the
night. You gotta be cool though.
I'm cool, baby. They're gonna give Daddy
a room, some breakfast, maybe Bennett's
I'm serious. This is how you do it. I'm
I know. Daddy's gonna get the Rainman
suite. Vegas, baby. We're going to
Vegas! You think we'll get there by
Baby, we're gonna be up by five hundy by
midnight. Vegas, baby!
Mike twists up the Chairman of the Board as we...
8 INT. TRENT'S CAR - HOURS LATER 8
The two swingers are starting to fray around the edges but
are unwilling to admit it to each other or themselves. Frank
has been replaced by talk radio.
The needle is still buried.
9 INT. TRENT'S CAR - MANY HOURS LATER 9
Sleep deprivation and desert static radio.
10 INT. TRENT'S CAR - LATER THAT NIGHT 10
Mike is sleeping in the passenger seat.
Wake up, baby.
Look at it, baby. Vegas, baby!
Trent points out a mountain range. It is now the only thing
separating them from their destination. The surreal glow of
the desert sky is accentuated by the loud slashing of the
cobalt and ruby lasers emanating from a source masked by
the craggy peaks. Mike slowly stirs from his slumber. He is
transfixed by this affrontation of nature. It is his first
glimpse of the city without God.
11 EXT. VEGAS STRIP - NIGHT 11
The shrill cry of Basie's fat brass section heralds the
arrival of the young swingers. Their eyes drink every watt
of golden light as Sinatra's crooning urges them on.
Mike has either had enough sleep or so little that it no
longer matters. Either way, there's no turning back.
They roll up to a casino valet. TILT UP to a skull and
crossbones which looms overhead.
12 INT. TREASURE ISLAND CASINO - NIGHT 12
The two guys walk and talk down a fluorescent hallway. It is
well past midnight and the only patrons at this hour are
tourists too drunk to sleep and compulsive gamblers who snuck
out of their rooms without waking their wives.
It is a weeknight and it is beginning to become painfully
obvious that our boys are overdressed.
The decor is nautical plaster. Castings of bearded men with
primitive prosthesis clutching daggers between their teeth
All of ye olde promenade shoppes are closed.
(the first budding of
Pirates of the fucking Caribbean.
This is the hot new place, besides, you
love pirates. Tell me Mikey doesn't love
This is fuckin' post-pubescent
You gotta love the pirates, baby. The
pirates are money.
The corridor empties into the equally kitch CASINO.
This place is dead. I thought this was
the city that never sleeps.
That's New York, baby. You should know
that. Look at the waitresses. I'm gonna
get me a peg-leg baby.
They're all skanks.
Baby, there are beautiful babies here.
Tee, the beautiful babies don't work
Wednesdays midnight to six. This is the
What are you talking about? Look at all
Trent contorts his face at a cute WAITRESS passing by with a
tray of drinks.
The waitress cracks a smile as she crosses away. Mike is
Cut that shit out.
She smiled baby.
That's not cool.
Did she, or did she not smile?
It doesn't matter...
I'm telling you, they love that shit.
You're gonna screw up our plan.
We're gonna get laid, baby.
First let's see what happens if we play
What? You think she's gonna tell her
pit-boss on us?
Don't make fun, I think we can get some
free shit if we don't fuck around.
Who's fucking around? I'm not making fun.
Let's do it, baby.
The trick is to look like you don't need
it, then they give you shit for free.
Well, you look money, baby. We both
Mike points to a semi-curtained, semi-roped-off area near the
baccarat tables. The clientele is classier, but they're
still obviously overdressed.
That's where we make our scene.
You think they're watching?
Oh, they're watching all right. They're
13 INT. TREASURE ISLAND CASINO - THE CLASSY SECTION - NIGHT 13
Mike is at a blackjack table with Trent at his side. The
game has paused to observe the newcomers as Mike draws a
billfold out of his breast pocket. They're pulling it off
with only slightly noticeable effort.
I don't know, I guess I'll start with
three hundred in, uh, blacks.
Mike tries to hand the DEALER a handful of twenties after
counting them twice.
On the table.
You have to lay it on the table.
Uh, I don't want to bet it all.
The other players grow impatient.
You're not allowed to hand me money, sir.
You'll have to lay it on the table if you
want me to change it.
(hastily laying down the bills)
The dealer lays out the bills such that the amount is visible
to the camera encased in the black glass globe overhead.
Trent and Mike look up at it open-mouthed like turkeys in the
Mike's attention is recaptured by the dealer, but Trent
continues trying to peer through the smoked glass.
You want this in black chips.
Sure, that'll be fine.
The dealer chirps out an unintelligible formality and the PIT
BOSS chirps the response. Trent's focus whips away from the
camera as both he and Mike stare at the pit boss ten feet
The dealer plunks down the measly THREE CHIPS which represent
Mike's entire cash reserve. Not quite the effect he had
The swingers stare at the chips. The players stare at the
swingers. The dealer stares at the pit boss.
Do you have anything smaller?
Yes, but I'm afraid this table has a
hundred-dollar-minimum bet. Perhaps
you'd be more comfortable at one of our
lower stakes tables.
The dealer indicates a FIVE-DOLLAR TABLE across the room
where an Hispanic woman deals to a BLUEHAIR, a BIKER, and a
COUPLE in matching Siegfried and Roy T-shirts.
The swingers look back to the dealer who is now flanked by
the pit boss.
The tense silence is broken by...
(then to Trent)
How about you, Cap'n?
Trent looks over to see that it's the same WAITRESS who
flashed him a smile earlier. At first he begins to smile,
then, remembering that he is locked in a high stakes battle
of wills, subtly shakes her off. She smirks and starts to
leave until she is interrupted by Mike holding up a finger.
It's a balsy move, but everyone's watching. The kid's going
(to the waitress, but never
breaking eye contact with the
I'll have a vodka martini, straight up,
shaken not stirred, very dry.
Smooth. Trent is impressed, but masks his pride.
(under her breath cynically as
she writes it down)
One "James Bond".
Ow. She exits.
No. Blacks will be fine.
Mike throws a chip in the circle. Trent is shocked. That's
a hundred bucks. Mike and Trent share a look. The dealer
and the pit boss exchange glances. Bets are all down and the
cards are meticulously dealt.
The dealer has a two showing. Mike has been dealt a five and
a six- eleven.
Double down, baby. You gotta double down
on an eleven.
I know, but...
You gotta do it.
...but that's two hundred dollars.
This is blood money...
If we don't look like we know what we're
doing, then we may as well...
Everyone's waiting for them.
The dealer, the pit boss, and all the players look on as Mike
drops ANOTHER BLACK CHIP in the circle with a barely audible,
yet deafening, thud.
(with all the nonchalance he
A bead of sweat.
The sharp snap of a dealt card.
It's a seven. Eighteen.
Disappointment twists their faces.
Finally the dealer flips over his card.
It's a king! Twelve. Here comes the bust...
Flick - four. Sixteen! Here comes the bust...
Flick - five. Twenty one. Groans all around, except for the
swingers who watch their chips slide away in silence.
Mike breaks the spell with a plucky smile from the pit of his
(to the pit boss)
Sure could use some dinner about now.
SMASH CUT TO:
Trent and Mike are wedged between the BLUEHAIR and the BIKER
At the FIVE DOLLAR TABLE. They share a pile of red chips.
I'm telling you, baby, you always double
down on an eleven.
Yeah? Well obviously not always!
I'm just saying, not in this particular
But I lost! How can you say always?!?
In the meantime, the Bluehair has been dealt an eleven.
This captures the swinger's attention.
Four. Fifteen all together.
Oh... I don't know... Hit.
Two. Seventeen. Dealer has a seven showing.
What the hell- hit.
Four! Twenty one.
(with a warm smile)
Polite applause from around the table which the Bluehair
humbly waves off. Mike looks at Trent. Daggers. Trent
A different PIT BOSS approaches.
Would you care for some breakfast, ma'am?
Well...? No, I shouldn't. Maybe later.
Thank you, though.
(to Trent, under his breath)
I'm gonna fuckinkillyou.
14 INT. TREASURE ISLAND CASINO - CASHIER'S WINDOW - NIGHT 14
Mike is presented a stack of twenties by the CASHIER, who
counts them out. Trent looks on.
...eighty... one hundred... one hundred
and twenty dollars. We hope to see you
back on the high seas soon.
Mike throws her a disgusted look, then turns to go. Trent
struggles to cheer him up.
What's that? One twenty? You're up
twenty bucks, baby.
Mike throws him a disgusted glare.
... Well, you know, not counting the
Thanks for clarifying that.
Hey, man, I'm down too, you know.
Yea, how much?
I don't know, what? Thirty, Forty maybe.
Don't give me that shit. You know
exactly how much you lost. What'd you
Twenty... but I was down at least fifty.
I'm sorry, I got hot at the crap table.
You won. There's nothing to be sorry
about. You're a winner. I'm the fuckin
loser. I should be sorry.
Baby, don't talk like that, baby.
Let's just leave.
Baby, you're money. You're the big
Who's the big winner?
Mike looks away, shaking his head in disgust.
(lifting Mike's reluctant hand
from the wrist like a boxing
Mikey's the big winner.
(shaking his head to hide a
What an asshole.
Okay, Tee's the asshole, but Mikey's the
The same WAITRESS from before approaches the swingers as they
are about to leave.
There you two are. I walked around for
an hour with that stupid martini on my
Sorry. We got knocked out pretty
A couple of high rollers like you?
Could you believe it?
Wait here, I'll get you that martini.
Nah, I didn't really want it anyway. I
just wanted to order it.
Can I get you something else? I mean,
you shouldn't leave without getting
something for free.
No thanks. Why ruin a perfect night.
Bring a James Bond for me and my boy
Mikey, and if you tell the bartender to
go easy on the water...
(holds up a half-dollar)
...this Kennedy has your name on it. Now
run along, I'm timing you.
The waitress smiles in spite of herself, shakes her head, and
What an asshole.
That was money. Tell me that wasn't
That was so demeaning...
She smiled, baby.
I can't believe what an asshole you are.
Did she, or did she not smile.
She was smiling at what an asshole you
She was smiling at how money I am, baby.
Let's go. I'm not paying for a room, and
if we don't leave now we'll never make
Leave? The honey-baby's bringing us some
What are you, nuts? You think she's
I know she's coming back.
I don't think so.
Baby, did you hear her? "You shouldn't
leave without getting something for
free." She wants to party, baby.
You think so?
You gotta give Tee one thing. He's good
with the ladies.
I'm too tired for this. Let's just go.
Baby, this is what we came for. We met
a beautiful baby and she likes you.
She likes you.
Whatever. We'll see. Daddy's gonna get
her to bring a friend. We'll both get
one. I don't care if I'm with her or one
of her beautiful baby friends.
I don't know...
You gotta get that girl out of your head.
It's time to move on. You're a stylish,
successful, good looking cat. The ladies
want to love you, you just gotta let
It's not. You're money. Any of these
ladies would be lucky to pull a cat like
It's just that I've been out of the game
so long. Trent, I was with her for six
years. That's before AIDS. I'm scared.
I don't know how to talk to them, I don't
You can't think like that, baby. It's
hard, I know. I've been there. Not for
six years, but I know. You just gotta
get back out there.
It's just tough, after sleeping with
someone you love for so long, to be with
someone new... who doesn't know what I
like... and you gotta wear a jimmy...
... and then I'm struggling to impress
some chick who's not half as classy as my
girlfriend, who I'm not even really
Oh fuck that. You don't have to try and
impress anyone. You think I give a shit?
You think I sweat that skanky whore
Tee is interrupted by the WAITRESS who, thank God, barely
missed his comment.
(recovering, looking at watch)
... One fifty-nine, Two minutes.
Two vodka martinis, straight up, shaken
not stirred, very dry, easy on the water.
Beautiful. What time are you off...
Mike can't believe it. Tee is just making it happen.
Call a friend and have her meet the three
of us at the Landlubber Lounge at 6:01.
(Trent throws the half-dollar
on her tray)
SMASH CUT TO:
15 INT. TREASURE ISLAND CASINO - COFFEE SHOP - SAME NIGHT 15
Trent and Mike are looking at menus. They're smoking at the
table because the can.
That was so fuckin' money. It was like
that "Jedi mind" shit.
That's what I'm telling you, baby. The
babies love that stuff. They don't want
all that sensitive shit. You start
talking to them about puppy dogs and ice
cream. They know what you want. What do
you think? You think they don't?
I know. I know.
They know what you want, believe me.
Pretending is just a waste of time.
You're gonna take them there eventually
anyway. Don't apologize for it.
I'm just trying to be a gentleman, show
Respect, my ass. They respect honesty.
You see how they dress when they go out?
They want to be noticed. You're just
showing them it's working. You gotta get
off this respect kick, baby. There aint
nothing wrong with letting them now that
you're money and that you want to party.
The COFFEE SHOP WAITRESS approaches the table. She's cute,
but not nearly as hot as Christy.
Are you ready to order?
(points to Trent, who nods)
Two coffees. It says "Breakfast Any
I'll have "pancakes in the Age of
It goes over like a lead balloon.
I'll have the Blackbeard over easy.
I'll be back with the coffee.
She takes the menus and goes.
I should've said Renaissance, right? It
went over her head.
Baby, you did fine.
(disgusted with himself)
"Age of Enlightenment". Shit. Like some
waitress in a Las Vegas coffee shop is
going to get an obscure French
philosophical reference. How demeaning.
I may as well have just said "Let me jump
your ignorant bones."...
... It's just, I thought "Renaissance"
was too Excaliber, it's the wrong casino.
She would've gotten it, though...
You did fine. Don't sweat her. We're
meeting our honeys soon. You know
Christy's friend is going to be money.
I hope so.
We gotta go soon.
Baby, relax. It's just down the hall.
She's gotta change... we'll be fine.
We didn't do so bad after all.
Baby, we're money.
Mike tries to catch the attention of their waitress, who is
passing with a huge platter containing a BREAKFAST BANQUET.
Excuse me. We're in a bit of a hurry.
Hang on, Voltaire.
She passes their table and sets the ENTIRE FEAST in front of
the BLUEHAIR from the casino who sits alone.
I said two lox platters. This isn't
thirty dollars worth of food. I have a
thirty dollar voucher. This isn't my
first time in Vegas, you know.
16 INT. TREASURE ISLAND CASINO - LANDLUBBER LOUNGE - SAME NIGHT 16
Christy is at the bar wearing acid-washed jeans with a
matching denim top. She's sexy in a pathetic mid-eighties
sort of way. She's sitting next to a pretty brunette, LISA,
dressed in a similar fashion.
There is something bizarre about her appearance. Her hair is
tied into long pig-tails with powder blue ribbons. Her
makeup job is almost theatrical, with bright pink/red lips.
She can't be that out of it, or can she?
The girls have already been flanked by a herd of potential
The SWINGERS saunter up to the girls in a smooth, SLOW-MOTION
The girls notice them.
The courtiers sense their rejection and part like the Red Sea
for the swingers in perfect slow-motion choreography.
Hi, boys, we almost gave up on you.
Oh, are we late? There are no clocks in
Well, no harm done. This is Lisa. I'm
sorry, I never got your names...
and this is my friend "Doubledown Trent".
(working the bit)
(then to the girls)
Ladies, don't you double down on an
No matter what... like splitting aces.
Hello, Lisa. I'm Trent. What a lovely
Lisa works at the MGM Grand...
I'm a "Dorothy".
(trying to sell her to Mike)
Oh... a Dorothy.
Well... we're not in Kansas anymore.
Another lead balloon. Uncomfortable silence.
What do you guys do?
I'm a comedian.
More uncomfortable silence.
Do you ever perform out here? I'd love
to see you.
You should. A lot of comics play Vegas.
Well, I'm afraid it's not that easy...
There are different circuits... it's hard
to explain... you wouldn't understand...
Who's your booking agent?
Oh? You know about booking agents... I
don't, uh, actually have a west coast
agent as of yet...
Well, who represents you back east?
Actually, it's funny you... I'm
actually, uh, between...
What do you do, Trent?
I'm a producer.
Wow... Oooh... Ahhh...
Mike rolls his eyes at how full of shit he is.
Listen, I'm not really allowed to drink
here. We should go someplace else.
How's my place?
The swingers exchange a glance.
TRENT & MIKE
Sounds good to me... Fine... Sure
17 EXT. CHRISTY'S TRAILER - EARLY MORNING 17
Establishing shot of an Airstream trailer dug into the desert
on chocks. Trent's car and two El Caminos are parked out
18 INT. CHRISTY'S TRAILER - SAME 18
The foursome, now somewhat more intimate, sit huddled around
the fold-out table.
They've been drinking whiskey and long-neck Buds, judging by
The pairings seems to be Trent/Christy, Mike/Lisa.
The cramped compartment is filled with secondary smoke and
No... no... The worst was when I went in
for this After-School special and I'm
sitting in the waiting room with all
these little kids. I see they're all
signed in for the same role as me...
They were auditioning for the same role
Wait... Wait... Listen... So, I check the
time and place. I'm where I'm supposed
to be. I call my agent... She says they
asked for me specifically...
What was the part?
Oh... "I love you... I can't believe
you're doing this... Drugs are bad..."
Whatever. After-School bullshit. The
role is Brother.
"Big Brother", "Little Brother"?
Wait... Wait... Just "Brother". So I go
in. "Hello... Hi... We loved your guest
spot on Baywatch... blah blah blah..."
Whatever. So, I start to read, and,
Mikey, I was money. I prepared for a
week. It's a starring role. I'm
crying... The casting director, she
Oh my God.
Did you get it?
Wait... She's crying. I finish. I hold
up my finger like "Wait a second". They
sit in silence for, like, at least five
minutes. I look up and they all start
clapping, and now they're all crying.
Even the camera guy.
No! Not the camera guy!
I'm telling you!
So what happened?
So, I swear to God this is exactly what
he said. The producer says to me... now
he's still crying... he says to me that
I was great, that that was exactly what
they were looking for...
... So give me the fuckin part...
Right? ... that I nailed it... Whatever.
Then he says it's just that I'm a little
old. I'm like "How old is the
Brother?". He's like, he says this with
a straight face, I swear to God, he says
So, what'd you say to him? "Double
They all crack up even more.
It's like, you looked at my tape. You
saw my picture. Why did you call me in?
You knew I was twenty-four.
What an asshole.
I believe it.
The room dies down. The girls settle into the arms of their
men. There's a lot of body language and pheromones, but not
a lot of words.
How rude of me. I haven't given you the
She gets up and leads Trent into the sleeping compartment to
the rear. The door slaps shut.
Mike and Lisa, in all her made-up glory, look into each
19 INT. CHRISTY'S TRAILER - SLEEPING COMPARTMENT - SAME 19
Trent is already at work. He's smooth. A cascade of stuffed
animals tumble off the bed with every thrust. Clothes start
to peel off.
Trent takes a breather. He takes a step to the door.
Let me just check on my boy.
Don't worry. He's in good hands.
Trent cracks the door and peers through. The light is dim,
but he can make out that they're starting to neck.
He closes the door, satisfied.
What a good friend. I can use a friend
(she beckons him back to bed)
20 INT. CHRISTY'S TRAILER - FRONT ROOM - SAME 20
What seemed like necking is actually Lisa and Mike huddled
tight having an intimate conversation.
I'm sure she'll call. Six years is a
long time. You don't just break it off
cleanly after six years.
I know, but she did. She's with someone
Already? You poor thing. It won't last.
It's a rebound.
We were a rebound, and we lasted six
Yeah, but how long was the relationship
she was rebounding from?
Can I check my messages? I have a
Sure, I guess. The phone's in the back.
Mike gets up and approaches the door.
Sorry, it's just that...
Mike lightly knocks on the door.
The door cracks.
Sorry, man, I need...
Trent pokes a CONDOM through the door.
No, man. I need to use the phone.
I gotta use the phone.
Baby, you'll check them tomorrow.
Please, Tee. I have to use the phone.
The door closes.
I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
They weren't in there that long.
Lisa reassuringly shakes her head.
Christy walks out wearing only Trent's sharkskin jacket as a
Trent follows with a towel wrapped around his waist.
Trent glares at Mike as they pass. Daggers.
(apologizing to Christy as she
I've got a calling card, there's no
charge to your phone.
21 INT. CHRISTY'S TRAILER - SLEEPING COMPARTMENT - SAME 21
22 INT. CHRISTY'S TRAILER - FRONT ROOM - SAME 22
Half naked Trent and Christy sit with fully clothed Lisa.
The poor thing. Six years?
... And she's with someone else.
The poor thing. I'll make some coffee.
Trent is not happy.
23 INT. CHRISTY'S TRAILER - SLEEPING COMPARTMENT - SAME 23
Mike is on the phone.
She didn't call.
Disappointment pulls at Mike's brow.
24 INT. CHRISTY'S TRAILER - FRONT ROOM - SAME 24
The girls clean up the bottles and ashtrays. The coffee is
brewing. The shades are up. It's officially morning.
Trent's chin is in his hand. He radiates the blue tinge of
glandular congestion. He'll have no part of any of this.
He's so sweet. He really said that?
I believe it too. He really just wants
her to be happy.
He is so sweet.
The girls immediately stop their chatter and look at him in
Mike shakes his head "no".
The girls walk to embrace him in consolation.
Trent just shakes his head. He'll have no part of any of
25 EXT. DESERT ROAD - DAY 25
Establishing whot of Trent's car heading back to L.A. on the
northbound I-15. The speeding car is dwarfed by the
26 EXT. TRENT'S CAR - DESERT ROAD - SAME 26
She asked me what I was thinking about?
What should I have done? Lie?
You didn't have to get into it, baby.
Sorry about interrupting...
Don't worry about me, baby. I just
wanted you to have a good time.
Christy was nice...
I didn't even like her, to be honest.
She was hot.
She really didn't do it for me, baby.
How'd you like Dorothy?
I don't know. The whole Judy Garland
thing kind of turned me on. Does that
makes me some kind of fag?
No, baby. You're money.
She didn't like me, anyway.
She thought you were money.
I don't think so.
I heard them talking. They both thought
you were money.
Yeah, a good friend.
Baby, you take yourself out of the game.
You start talking about puppy dogs and
ice cream, of course it's gonna be on the
I just don't think she liked me in that
Baby, you're so money you don't even
Tee, girls don't go for me the way they
go for you.
Michelle went for you, right.
That was different.
I was younger... It was college. You
didn't go to college, you don't know what
it's like. You screw chicks you have no
business being with. They're young, they
don't know any better.
That's just plain silly. Your self-
esteem is just low because she's with
someone else. But thinking about it and
talking about it all the time is bad.
It's no good, man. You gotta get out
there. The ladies want to love you,
I just need some time...
Why? So you can beat yourself up?
Sitting around in that stuffy apartment.
It's just plain bad for you, man. It's
depressing. You've come so far.
Remember the first week? After she told
you? You couldn't even eat.
Don't remind me.
You just sat around drinking orange
juice. Now look at you. Look how far
you've come in just a few months. You
got that part in that movie...
... a day...
... Whatever. It's work. You're doing
what you love. What's she doing?
Selling scrap metal.
See? And what does this guy she's with
He drives a carriage.
I hear he drives a carriage around
Central Park or something.
Please. And you're sweating him?
You're "all that" and you're sweating
some lawn jockey?
I hear she's getting real fat.
Baby, she's the one who should be
thinking about you. Sounds to me like
you cut loose some dead weight. Trust
me, Mikey, you're better off.
Trent cranks some Frank. "You Make Me Feel So Young".
Mike is finally, genuinely, smiling.
He turns down the music enough to talk.
I'm gonna try. I'm really gonna try.
Trent just smiles and cranks Frank back up
27 EXT. DESERT ROAD - SAME 27
Trent's car drives off into the distance. A sign reads:
"Los Angeles - 270 miles".
28 EXT. PITCH AND PUTT GOLF COURSE - LOS FELIZ - DAY 28
Establishing shot of MIKE and ROB teeing off with nine irons.
Rob wears a Yale sweatshirt. Mike wears one from Queens
College. A Mets cap shades his eyes. Neither have shaved
and, odds are, neither showered. They each carry a loose
nine blade and putter as they wander to their lie.
I don't think I'm gonna take it.
I's a gig.
I mean, I need the money.
You're an actor. Find the Zen in the
It's definitely a step back for me.
Look, there's not much of a call for
Shakespeare in this town.
There's just something about being
"Goofy". Any other Disney character
would be fine. There's just this stigma
associated with the character.
What do you want? You're tall.
Do you realize how hard it's going to be
to tell my parents? I still haven't told
them I didn't get the pilot.
You tested over a month ago. I'm sure
they figured it out by now.
It's like "Hi, Mom. I'm not going to be
starring in that sit-com and, oh by the
way, I'm Goofy. Send more money."
They split up and both over-chip the green miserably.
29 EXT. PUTTING GREEN - PITCH AND PUTT GOLF COURSE - SAME 29
Mike and Rob putt.
Haven't you noticed I didn't mention
Michelle once today?
I didn't want to say anything.
I don't know. It's like not talking to
a pitcher in the midst of a no hitter.
What? Like, you didn't want to jinx it?
I don't talk about her that much.
I didn't mention her once today.
Well, until now. Tend the pin.
Mike pulls out the flag for Rob's putt. He misses.
The only reason I mentioned her at all is
to say that I'm not going to talk about
her anymore. I thought you'd appreciate
I do. Good for you, man.
I've decided to get out there.
(re: the ball)
Go ahead. Play it out.
Rob putts the "gimme". He misses by an inch.
I'm not making any more excuses for
Rob taps it in. He tends the pin or Mike, who misses.
Good to hear, Mikey.
Mike putts again, and misses.
You want to hit the town tonight?
I shouldn't, Mike, it's a weeknight.
What do you have? A Pluto call back?
Sure. Kick me when I'm down.
Mike plunks it in.
Count 'em up.
The two of them count and recount as they revisualize each
shot in their head. Throughout the process they count under
their breath and point to different parts of the fairway and
The two of them revolve, point, and mumble for an absurdly
long amount of time until finally...
How many strokes?
I don't know. Eight or Nine.
I'll give you an eight.
What'd you get?
Looks like we're in a dead heat after one
hole. This is turning into quite a
Rob points to the far-off crowd of a dozen IRATE GOLFERS
Waiting to tee off.
You better replace the pin, Chi-Chi. The
natives look restless.
30 INT. SUE'S APARTMENT - HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD - EVENING 30
First of all, SUE is a guy, and a tough guy at that. He is
wearing an L.A. Kings home jersey. His sweater bears the
sacred number "99". Sue is lounging in front of the TV in
army surplus khaki cutoffs and untied Doc Martin boots.
Sue brushes back a shock of straight, greasy, dirty blonde
hair as not to obscure his view of the screen. His face
glows with the reflection of the SEGA HOCKEY game on the set.
Sue and TRENT are locked in a heavily contested battle of
motor reflexes. Nothing moves but their eyes, thumbs, and
Bitch... You little bitch!
Chelios to Roenick...!
MIKE looks on. He is more captivated with the simulated
sporting event than the Clippers game on the TV across the
Electric guitars blaze over the stereo.
The room, like the guys, could use a spring cleaning. Pizza
boxes, beer bottles, and full, full ashtrays. You can taste
You little bitch!
Hey Sue. Gretsky's on his ass again.
Because he's a bitch.
That's so bullshit. This is so bullshit.
You should play another team. The Kings
are bitches in this game.
Hey, man. I took the Kings to the Cup.
... against the computer.
They're a finesse team...
They're a bitch team... SCORE!
Fuck!!! That is so bullshit!
Give it up, Sue.
The PHONE RINGS. Sue picks it up and balances it on his
shoulder as he plays.
(back to phone)
Yeah. The elevator doesn't work.
(he lets the phone drop. Then
It's Pink Dot. Buzz him in - hit nine.
Mike picks up the phone off the matted shag carpet. He
pushes "9", listens, then hangs up.
I wish the game still had fights so I
could bitch-slap Wayne.
This version doesn't have fighting?
No. Doesn't that suck?
What? That was the best part of the old
I don't know. I guess kids were hitting
each other or something.
You could make their heads bleed, though.
Yeah... If you hit them hard their heads
bleed all over the ice and their legs
It's kinda money, actually.
Make someone bleed.
No, man, we're in the play-offs.
I'll make Gretsky bleed, the little
The DELIVERY MAN knocks on the door.
(Trent pauses the game)
Give me the money. I'll get it.
While Sue gives Mike the money, Trent UNPAUSES the game and
checks Gretsky into the boards, leaving him writhing in a
pool of red pixels.
Sue dives onto Trent. They wrestle a little too
rambunctiously for indoors. Trent pulls the hockey sweater
over Sue's head and starts wailing on his back.
Mike crosses. The CAMERA follows him down a shallow hallway
to the door. He unlocks it.
A delivery man of eastern-hemispheric decent is out of breath
from four flights of stairs. He hands Mike a twelve-pack of
Bud cans and three packs of Marlboro reds.
He can HEAR, but NOT SEE, the chaos ensuing in the living
31 INT. SUE'S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS 31
Trent and Sue are flushed. They pause long enough to torment
Is he cute? Ask him if he wants to stay
for a cocktail!
... Is he brown?
32 INT. SUE'S DOORWAY - CONTINUOUS 32
Mike forces an apologetic smile. He is embarrassed. The
delivery man doesn't seem to understand any of this.
Mike, out of guilt, hands him a four dollar tip. This he
seems to understand. He smiles and leaves.
Mike crosses back to the main room.
You guys are such assholes.
(continuing the gag)
Aww... He got away?
(untangling himself from
Gimme my reds. I've been jonesing for an
Mike throws him a pack of smokes, which he unravels with
Cans of beer are tossed around and cracked.
What time's this party tonight?
It starts at eight...
... which means no one will get there
So, what? Eleven?
TRENT & SUE
I'm gonna bring and old friend who just
moved out here.
Yeah. You met him once.
Yeah. He's a "rounder".
What's he do?
He's trying to be an actor.
What a surprise...
... How novel.
33 EXT. DARK ALLEY - OFF OF HOLLYWOOD BLVD. - SEEDY - NIGHT 33
MIKE and ROB walk down the dirty deserted alleyway. Mike is
wearing baggy slacks, Doc Martin shoes, and an oversized
Eisenhower-cut jacket with a vertical stripe inset. The
collar is large and pointy, but definitely not seventies.
His ensemble has more of an early sixties vibe.
Rob hasn't been at it quite as long. He's wearing worn-in
Levies over worn-in boots and, the nineties standby, an
Mike walks with purpose. He intermittently tries to pull
open locked steel doors along the alley. Rob looks confused.
So, if the party starts at eight, why are
we first going to a bar at ten?
To get a drink before we meet the guys
for a bite at eleven.
Where is this place?
It's one of these. For some reason, cool
bars in L.A. have to be very hard to find
and have no signs out front.
That doesn't sound too good for business.
It's kinda like a speakeasy kind of
thing. It's kinda cool. It's like
you're in on some kind of secret. You
tell a chick you've been some place, it's
like bragging that you know how to find
it. The only way you could know where a
place is is if someone who knows brought
you there. You have to have someone come
before. There is a direct line
connecting you back to the original,
unequivocally cool, club patrons. It's
kinda like Judaism...
Sounds more like Aids...
... That's probably a more appropriate
At this point they come upon an unmarked BLACK METAL DOOR,
which Mike successfully pulls open to reveal...
34 INT. "THE ROOM" - HOLLYWOOD BAR - SAME 34
A smoke-filled, windowless, black-walled room. There are
several round padded booths lining the walls. The place is
packed, and the funk standard "Brick House" throbs over the
A HANDHELD SHOT as the two guys serpentine to the mirrored
bar at the far end of the room. Enshrined in its center is
a framed photograph of SINATRA smiling in approval as he
presides over the evening's activities.
Mike proudly points out the photo to Rob.
Kinda money, huh?
Mike catches the attention of a cute female BARTENDER.
I'll get a Dewars rocks...
(looks to Rob)
...A Dewars on the rocks and a Bud,
I can't get over how cute the girls in
this city are.
I know. It's like the opposite of
inbreeding. The hottest one percent from
around the world migrate to this gene
Darwinism at its best.
I've been around here six months and I
still can't get over it.
It's like, every day I see a beautiful
woman. I'm not used to that. I'm used
to seeing a beautiful woman, I don't
know, once a week. I can't handle it.
Wait till summer. I swear, you can't
leave the house. It hurts. It
I can't wait till I actually get to touch
one of them.
Ah, there's the rub...
There's the rub.
The bartender serves them their drinks.
Mike turns to see CHARLES. A young black man with a tight
Dolomite fro. He wears a black leather blazer over a black
turtleneck. Just look up "cool" in the dictionary.
A handshake turns into a hug.
Charles! What's up, man?
Oh. You know.
Did you, um, did you get that pilot?
No, man. I know you didn't get it 'cause
you wouldn't've asked me. It wasn't that
... piece of shit. Listen, Charles, this
is my friend Rob from Back East.
Charles and me went to network on this
I just tested for one...
... yeah, a month ago.
Oh, I'm sorry. How'd your folks take it?
I haven't heard an official "no" yet.
You haven't told then, huh?
I still haven't told my folks I didn't
get "Deepspace 9". You'd think they'd'a
figured it out by now, but Mom keeps
... and boy does it hurt when they ask.
I don't even tell them about anything I'm
close on anymore...
... not until you book it...
... and even then...
... you might get cut out.
I'm considering taking a job as a
Hey, man. At least it's Disney.
You want to come with us to a party at
the Chateau Marmont? They got a bungalow
and lots of beautiful babies.
(yelling over the roar of the
wall to wall crowd)
Why not? This place is dead anyway.
35 INT. "SWINGERS DINER" - BEVERLY BLVD. - LATER THAT NIGHT 35
MIKE, TRENT, SUE, CHARLES, and ROB sit around the round
scotch-plaid corner booth of the retro-hip coffee shop. All
of our boys, with the exception of Rob, are classily dressed.
They wear a lot of black, brown, and gray with a splash of
gold and maroon.
The CAMERA REVOLVES around the table in a repeating
"Reservoir Dogs" style over the shoulder 360 DEGREE PAN.
... No, baby. I got a better one. You
gotta admit the steadycam shot in
"Goodfellas" was the money...
... through the basement of that
... the Copa, in New York...
... through the kitchen...
... I heard it took four days to light
for that shot...
... Four days..?
... I don't know about four days...
... That's what I heard...
... Maybe. I mean you gotta hide all the
... It looked money.
... Not as money as the shot from
... Which one?
... In the beginning. When they're
walking in slow motion...
... How can you compare them? Tarantino
totally bites everything from Scorsese...
... He's derivative...
... You gotta admit, it looked money...
.... I heard they made that whole movie
for ten grand...
... What's the big deal? Everyone steals
(checking his watch)
Well, let's hit that party.
36 EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - HEADLIGHTS AND NEON - NIGHT 36
The five swingers walk down the boulevard in a SLO-MO SHOT
which is extremely "derivative" of the "Reservoir Dogs"
The scene is choreographed to Bennett's big band arrangement
of "O SOLE MIO".
37 EXT. CHATEAU MARMONT BUNGALOW - OUTSIDE THE PARTY - MIDNIGHT 37
Muffled music seeps through the door. The swingers turn the
knob and enter...
38 INT. THE PARTY - CHATEAU MARMONT BUNGALOW - SAME 38
The huge sunken living room is packed with people congealed
into circles of conversation and sipping cocktails.
EVERYTHING STOPS when they enter. The music, the
conversations, all movement, everything.
Everyone in the room STARES at them standing in the doorway.
The music starts back up and everyone returns to their
The swingers weave their way through the crowd to...
39 INT. THE BAR AREA - THE BUNGALOW KITCHEN - SAME 39
The swingers fix themselves drinks from an assortment of
bottles cluttering the table. The shamelessly paw at the
top shelf brands.
Who threw this party, anyway?
Damned if I know...
... Beats me...
... I came with you.
With that, the three of them peel off to work the room.
What's that guy's name? Sue?
Sue. His dad was big Johnny Cash fan.
Oh, like that song...
... "A Boy Named Sue". I think that's
why he's such a bad cat.
He's a mean dude. I've seen him smash a
guy's face into the curb. He knocked out
his teeth... blood... He was just like
Boom, Boom, Boom... fuckin nasty shit,
man. He's a nice guy though.
40 INT. LIVING ROOM - BUNGALOW - SAME 40
Trent and Sue are scouting some LADIES across the room. One
wears a FUNKY OVERSIZED HAT. Intermittent eye contact has
Oh, it's on, baby...
... It's on.
41 INT. LIVING ROOM - BUNGALOW - SAME 41
Mike and Rob have come back into the room. They scout the
There are so many beautiful women here.
I got to at least try once.
You're a better man than I am, Charlie
No, I just promised myself I'd give it a
try. I gotta get out there sooner or
Go for it, man.
Mike spots a pair of beautiful BLONDES in black. They're
wearing stretch bell-bottoms and tops that expose their mid-
drifts. The seventies never looked so good.
(indicating the ladies)
I'm going in. Will you be my wing-man?
I'll be your winger.
They make the approach. With a great deal of effort, Mike
catches their attention...
Good evening, ladies...
... only to be interrupted by the party STOPPING to check
The party RESUMES and the blondes redirect their attention to
Mike. He is a little put-off but, God love him, he gets back
How are you ladies doing this evening?
What do you drive?
What kind of car do you drive?
Oh... a Cavalier.
The blondes immediately enter back into their conversation as
if they were never approached.
Mike and Rob exchange defeated glances.
One more try.
... It's red?
42 INT. LIVING ROOM - BUNGALOW - CONTINUOUS 42
Trent and Sue are trying to look like they're not paying
attention to the group of ladies they saw across the room.
Is she looking at me, baby?
Is she looking now?
No! She's not looking at you. She
hasn't looked at you once. Will you stop
asking if... Wait, she just looked.
Mike and Rob walk up to Trent and Sue.
How you guys doing?
(indicated the group of girls
with a subtle head move)
Mike and Rob STARE DIRECTLY at the girls like a deer in the
headlights... a big no-no.
The one in the hat? She's cute.
Trent and Sue react with frustrated disappointment.
What are you doing?
You looked right at her, baby.
She didn't notice.
Yes she did.
Damn. Now I gotta go in early.
Don't sweat it, baby. This one's a lay-
Trent crosses away.
How's it going for you two?
Mike's P.O.V. of Trent passing near and the GIRL IN THE HAT.
He says something, smiles, and points to her hat. She
Well, just watch the T-bone and learn.
43 INT. LIVING ROOM - TRENT'S CONVERSATION - CONTINUOUS 43
Trent is having a sensitive one-on-one with the girl in the
GIRL IN HAT
... I've always wanted to be an actress,
at least as long as I could remember. I
Under Trent's affirmative response we hear the first haunting
TUBA PULSE of the JAWS THEME:
(nodding in agreement)
CLOSE UP of MIKE'S FACE as he looks on in HORRIFIED AWE from
44 INT. LIVING ROOM - TRENT'S CONVERSATION - CONTINUOUS 44
GIRL WITH CIGAR
... Then one day after class my drama
teacher, the one who directed the play,
said he thought I should...
The second TUBA PULSE accompanies Trent's sound of agreement:
EXTREME CLOSE UP of MIKE'S HORRIFIED EYES.
45 INT. LIVING ROOM - TRENT'S CONVERSATION - CONTINUOUS 45
GIRL WITH CIGAR
... I met with an agent last week and I'm
waiting to hear...
The third, and progressively faster, TUBA PULSE sounds under
Trent's response as the JAWS THEME begins to speed up and
Uh-Huh, Uh-Huh, Uh-Huh, Uh-Huh...
Mike, Rob, and Sue look on.
Here comes the kill...
MATCH CUT TO:
The group's P.O.V. of the conversation.
The JAWS THEME reaches its violent crescendo as the girl
looks into her purse.
Trent winks to the boys. Smooth.
She comes up with a pen and writes our her phone number.
Trent crosses back as the music dies away.
Using his body as a shield so the girl can't see, but so his
boys can, he rips up and drops the number as he approaches
Was I money?
I don't know. It was kind of a dick move
if you ask me.
Why, baby? What'd I do wrong?
You asked her for her number, and then
you tore it up.
She didn't see.
That doesn't matter.
That was pretty cold, dude.
What was cold about it?
The door opens. The party PAUSES to look, then RESUMES.
She offered me her number. What should
I have said? "No"? That would've hurt
her feelings. This way she feels like
Trent smiles and waves to her across the room. She coyly
waves back and makes a "phone sign" with her hand. Trent
nods and smiles.
Tee can't roll with that, she's "business
(explaining to Rob)
Big butt... you know, can't fly coach.
I can't believe you.
Charles approaches the crew.
They're out of Glenlivet.
What else is going on?
We could hit the Dresden.
Overhead LONG SHOT of the swingers entrenched in the CROWDED
Yeah. This place is dead, anyway.
46 EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - OUTSIDE THE CHATEAU MARMONT - NIGHT 46
The swingers have left the party and are heading to their
cars. They are all parked in a row, one behind the other.
They each climb behind the wheel of their own car. They pull
out in UNISON.
They travel like a train with their bumpers ALMOST TOUCHING.
47 EXT. HOLLYWOOD STREETS - NIGHT 47
SHOTS of the CAR-TRAIN driving and making turns.
"O SOLE MIO" reprise.
48 EXT. THE DRESDEN - VERMONT AVE. - HOLLYWOOD - NIGHT 48
The car-train BREAKS UP to nose-in park behind the bar. They
all "club" their steering wheels.
49 INT. "THE DRESDEN ROOM" - SAME 49
The SWINGERS lounge in a booth against the cork-paneled wall,
sipping cocktails. They watch MARTY and ELAYNE, the resident
lounge act, perform a jazz fusion cover of "Staying Alive" on
synth and upright bass. The seventies are alive and well
here, but they're starting to yellow around the edges...
The room is busy, but not packed.
The swingers have all had a few.
I know what you're saying, man. I don't
know what to tell you...
... I mean, does it have to be "Goofy"?
I was playing Hamlet off-Broadway two
months ago, for crying out loud...
Trent and Sue are involved in a different conversation. They
are observing two HOT GIRLS at another cocktail table.
The girls are wearing short plaid skirts with black stockings
pulled up to midthigh. It's the "catholic-school-girl-gone-
The girls are a little too touchy-feely with each other,
suggesting a certain sexual open-mindedness.
Baby, I know it is. It's a black diamond
... double diamond...
... but it's worth the risk. True or
false: It's worth the risk.
As they get up to leave...
God bless you guys.
They cross to the ladies.
The girls seem at first cold, the receptive. Trent and Sue
join their table and share some laughs.
Mike half-heartedly looks on. He is obviously not happy with
where he stands on the bell-curve of masculinity.
Mike, looking for any kind of escape, crosses to the bar.
50 INT. BAR - DRESDEN ROOM - SAME 50
Mike unsuccessfully tries to catch the attention of the
middle aged BARTENDER.
I can't even get this guy to notice me...
A cute BLONDE sitting at the bar chuckles at his comment.
Mike is at first self-conscious, then pushes ahead.
You like laughing at the misery of
I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. Let me
make it up to you.
She raises her finger and the bartender immediately
What can I get you?
I'll have a Dewars on the rocks.
He goes to fix it.
I've seen you somewhere...Where have I
You ever go to the Kelbo's? On Pico?
... Monday nights? I host an open
You're a comedian?
What's that like?
(trying to bluff, not an ounce
Well, you know, it's tough. A lot of
traveling. A lot of hotels... but, you
know, it's a dream... and the money's
really good. I think I might buy another
really expensive imported car after my
next gig in Vegas...
I know! Starbucks! I served you an
espresso at Starbucks.
Are you sure? Maybe...
Yes! Remember? You asked me for an
application? I introduced you to the
(trying to pull out of the
Oh, yeah... Boy, that must've been a
I'd say about two weeks.
Probably a little longer than that, but,
(smiling at him)
You better pay the man.
Mike notices the bartender, who has been waiting patiently
with the drink.
(fumbling with the money)
She chuckles. He pays and throws down a two-dollar tip
Well, thank you...?
Thank you, Nikki.
He walks away kicking himself. He is interrupted by Trent
and Sue, who both hold up cocktail napkins with scribbles.
We got the digits, baby.
What a surprise.
What's wrong? I saw you talking to that
beautiful blonde baby.
She was cute.
She didn't like me... I made a fool of
Baby, don't talk that way, baby...
You are so money, and you don't even know
That's what I keep trying to tell him.
You're so money, you don't even know...
Please, don't mess with me right now...
We're not messing with you...
... we're not...
You're like this big beer with claws and
... and big fuckin' teeth...
... and teeth... And she's like this
little bunny cowering in the corner...
... And you're just looking at your claws
like "How do I kill this bunny?"...
...You're just poking at it...
... Yeah. You're just gently batting it
around... and the rabbit's all scared...
... and you got big claws and fangs...
... and fangs... and you're like "I don't
know what to do. How do I kill this
... you're like a big bear.
Beat. Mike smiles.
You're not just, like, fucking with me?
... you're money...
... you're so fuckin mmmoney.
Now go over there and get those digits.
(pulling him aside, dead
Now when you talk to her, I don't want
you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie that
everyone's pulling for. I want you to be
the guy in the rated R movie who you're
not sure if you like.
Mike nods and, energized by the bombardment, crosses back to
the bar and right into the fray.
Trent and Sue rejoin the other swingers.
Swinger's P.O.V. of Mike decisively engaging her in
Out comes the pen and the cocktail napkin. Bingo.
Mike crosses back to the swingers' table and, using his body
to shield Nikki's view, pretends to rip the napkin. This
breaks the guys up.
Mike sits down and, after admiring the blotchy numerals,
delicately folds the napkin and pockets it.
See, baby. It's not that hard.
Everyone reacts favorably to this area code.
How long do I wait to call?
... Tomorrow, then a day.
So, two days?
Yeah. I guess you could call it that.
Definitely. Two days. That's the
(to Sue. shop talk)
... I used to wait two days. Now
everyone waits two days. Three days is
kinda money now, don't you think?
... Yeah. But two's enough not to look
Yeah, but three days is kinda the
Why don't I just wait three weeks and
tell her I was cleaning out my wallet and
found her number...
... then ask where you met her...
Yeah, I'll tell her I don't remember and
then I'll ask what she looks like.
Then I'll ask if we fucked. How's that,
Tee? Is that "the money"?
The guys laugh.
Laugh all you want, but if you call to
soon you can scare off a nice baby who's
ready to party.
Don't listen to him. You call whenever
it feels right to you.
How long are you guys gonna wait to call
TRENT & SUE
51 EXT. THE DRESDEN - PARKING LOT - OUT BACK - NIGHT 51
The swingers are leaving through the back door. The doorway
is congested with another group of guys who are entering.
A BALD GUY with a goatee brushes by Sue.
Watch where you're going, asshole.
What'd you say, bitch?
I said watch where you're going, bitch!
That's it. Now they're squaring off in the empty parking
All the bald guy's boys fall in behind him. All the swingers
fall in behind Sue. The swingers are not happy with Sue at
The two cliques contrast each other in every way.
The bald guys all have facial hair and multiple pierced
extremities with the odd neck-tattoo thrown in for good
Baggy denim and boots. Pot leaves and Pumas. Long, heavy
key chains. Vintage 1994 whiteboy faux-gansta. They do,
however, look big and mean next to our boys.
The early sixties style sweater jackets and blazers over
button down shirts and tapered slacks don't quite have the
same fear factor, but the boys do look classy.
The word "bitch" is growled out by the two of them a half
dozen more times until...
Sue pulls a PISTOL out of his belt.
Everyone is SCARED. Especially the swingers.
Now what, bitch? Now who's the bitch,
The bald guys HOLD UP THEIR HANDS and slowly back up to their
Hey, man. I'm the bitch. I'm your
bitch, okay? We're just gonna leave.
Okay? I'm the bitch. I'm such a bitch,
I can't even begin to tell you...
They jump in the car and SPEED AWAY.
Sue belts the gun and stands tall like Clint.
What the fuck..?
What an asshole. Didn't you see "Boys in
the Hood"? Now one of us is gonna get
He's a bitch. He ain't gonna do nothing.
What'd you want me to do? Back down? He
called me a bitch. We kept our rep.
Fuck rep, I've got a callback tomorrow.
Yeah, I gotta be up early tomorrow.
Rob leaves, shaken up.
You asshole. Why are you carrying a gun?
What? In case someone steps to you,
Hey, man, you're not from here. You
don't know how it is. I grew up in
... Whatever. Things are different here.
It's not like New York, Mikey.
Yeah. Here it's easier to avoid trouble.
It's not like you like in Compton where
bullets are whizzing by your head every
day. Nobody's mugging you on no subway.
In New York the trouble finds you. Out
here you gotta go look for it...
... People get carjacked...
... Oh, who would jack your fuckin K-car?
He's right, Sue. You don't need no gat.
Listen. Just because I was the only one
with the balls to stand up to them...
... Oh yeah, like "Cypress Hill" was
gonna do anything...
You live in such a fantasy world...
What about you, Mikey? At least I got
balls. You're always whining about some
bitch who dumped you a year ago...
... It was six months, and she didn't
... Whatever. You're like a whining
little woman. Big deal. You got a
fuckin' number. Whoopee! You'll fuck it
Have you gotten laid once since you moved
here? Did you fuck once?
... Shut up, Sue...
I know for a fact you haven't, because
you never shut up about it. Your like a
little whiney bitch...
No, Trent. He's right.
Mike walks to his car.
It's too late. He's leaving.
Sue starts to open his mouth.
Don't even talk to me.
52 INT. MIKE'S APARTMENT - LATER THAT NIGHT 52
Mike opens the door and flicks on the lights in his sparsely
He drops his keys on the table and makes a bee line to the
He pushes the button.
She didn't call.
Mike collapses into his futon and lights a smoke.
He pulls out the COCKTAIL NAPKIN. He stares at the number.
He looks at the clock. 2:20 AM.
He looks at the napkin.
He thinks better of it, and puts the napkin away.
He takes out the napkin and picks up the phone.
Don't do it, Mike.
It rings twice, then...
Hi. This is Nikki. Leave a message.
Hi, Nikki. This is Mike. I met you
tonight at the Dresden. I, uh, just
called to say I, uh, I'm really glad we
met and you should give me a call. So
call me tomorrow, or , like, in two days,
whatever. My number is 213-555-4679...
Mike hangs up.
He dials again.
Hi. This is Nikki. Leave a message.
Hi, Nikki. This is Mike, again. I just
called because it sounded like your
machine might've cut me off before I gave
you my number, and also to say sorry for
calling so late, but you were still there
when I left the Dresden, so I knew I'd
get your machine. Anyway, my number
Mike calls back right away.
Hi. This is Nikki. Leave a message.
213-555-4679. That's all. I just wanted
to leave my number. I don't want you to
think I'm weird, or desperate or
(he regrets saying it
... I mean, you know, we should just
hang out. That's it. No expectations.
Just, you know, hang out. Bye.
He hangs up.
Hi. This is Nikki. Leaves a message.
I just got out of a six-year
relationship. Okay? That should help to
explain why I'm acting so weird. It's
not you. It's me. I just wanted to say
This is Mike.
He dials again. There's no turning back.
Hi. This is Nikki. Leave a message.
Hi, Nikki. This is Mike again. Could you
just call me when you get in? I'll be up
for awhile, and I'd just rather talk to
you in person instead of trying to
squeeze it all...
He dials yet again.
Hi. This is Nikki. Leave a message.
Hi, Nikki. Mike. I don't think this is
working out. I think you're great, but
maybe we should just take some time off
from each other. It's not you, really.
It's me. It's only been six months...
(Live, in person. she picks
up the line)
Nikki! Great! Did you just walk in, or
were you listening all along?
Don't call me ever again.
Wow, I guess you were home...
She hung up on him.
He hangs up.
He pulls the comforter off the futon and curls up in the
corner of the room.
LONG DISSOLVE TO:
The following sequence is m.o.s. over Billie Holiday's "Maybe
You'll Be There."
53 INT. COLLEGE CLASSROOM - QUEENS COLLEGE - DAY 53
YOUNGER MIKE catches his first glimpse of MICHELLE. She
doesn't see him looking at her. She is paying attention to
54 INT. STUDY HALL - QUEENS COLLEGE - DAY 54
Mike approaches Michelle for the FIRST TIME. She looks
beautiful when she looks up at him for the first time.
55 EXT. FLUSHING MEADOW PARK - SPRING AFTERNOON 55
They're having a PICNIC with white wine, Cheese, prosciutto,
and French bread. Mike plays a ukulele.
56 EXT. SHEA STADIUM - QUEENS - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY 56
57 INT. SHEA STADIUM STANDS - SAME 57
Mike and Michelle sit with a lap full of food. They are
laughing about something. Mike leans in for his first deep,
passionate KISS. The crowd jumps up to cheer a Daryl
Strawberry home run which the lovers don't notice. They stay
seated, kissing, and are lost to the CAMERA in the crowd.
58 INT. MIKE'S BEDROOM - NEW YORK APARTMENT - NIGHT 58
Their first sexual experience. Mike is obviously nervous as
he lies undressed under the covers. He sporadically adjusts
his hair and strikes poses as he waits for Michelle to come
out of the bathroom. This is INTERCUT with shots of the
closed bathroom door.
59 EXT. NEW YORK CITY STREET - IN FRONT OF "RADIO CITY" - NIGHT 59
Mike and Michelle are Christmas shopping in the snow. It's
like a story book.
A newspaper, barely noticeable on stand in b.g., reads "VITO
CORLEONE FEARED MURDERED"
60 INT. MIKE'S APARTMENT - NEW YORK - NIGHT 60
Mike and Michelle lethargically lay across the couch. They
half-heartedly watch a rented video as they shovel Chinese
take-out into their bloating faces.
61 INT. LA GUARDIA AIRPORT - DAY 61
Mike and Michelle say good bye. They hug and cry. He boards
a plane for L.A..
62 INT. MIKE'S APARTMENT - DAY 62
SHOT of answering machine.
... Pick up.... Pick up, Mikey... Are
He is sitting in the same corner, smoking, with a two day
beard. He is surrounded by full ashtrays and empty Tropicana
containers. Billie Holiday's "Maybe you'll Be There" draws
to a close on the C.D. player.
... I guess you're not home. Why don't
you come out tonight, baby. We haven't
seen you for two days. We're gonna play
hockey at Sue's house til ten thirty then
we're either going to the Lava Lounge for
Sinatra night, or the Derby for the Royal
Crown. We might also check out Swing
Night at the Viper. If we're not there
we'll be at the Three of Clubs. So come
meet up with us. We'll see you there,
63 INT. MIKE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 63
He hasn't moved.
The PHONE RINGS.
He looks to the answering machine hopefully as it picks up
after one ring.
Mikey...? It's Rob. Pick up, buddy.
His shoulders slack with DISAPPOINTMENT. It's not Her.
... I'm downstairs. Buzz me in. I know
you're home. Your lights are on and your
car's here. Come on, buddy. Open up...
Mike picks up the phone, pushes "9", and hangs up.
He lights a cigarette.
A knock at the door.
Mike opens it, and Rob walks in with a brown bag.
He surveys the scene. He's seen this before. He moves some
laundry off an armchair and sits down.
He pulls a pepperoni and a loaf of seminola out of the bag.
He hands Mike a pint of orange juice.
No problem, buddy. You eat anything
Mike shakes his head, "no".
Mike shakes his head again.
You haven't been drinking, have you?
No. Just O.J.
Rob cuts into the pepperoni with his Swiss army knife. Mike
drinks his juice.
Sorry about what happened at the Dresden.
I had no idea...
Don't sweat it. Now I got an L.A. gun
story. You should hear the way I tell to
the guys back home. He had an Uzi.
You want to talk about it?
What's the point?
It's been two days. You should call that
Mike grabs his head in pain.
I'm such an asshole.
She wasn't your type anyway.
I think I'm gonna move Back East.
Well, that's dumb.
What's dumb about it?
Well, you're doing so well...
How am I doing well? I host an open mike
and I played a fuckin' bus driver in a
movie. Big fuckin' deal. I'm with an
agency that specializes in fuckin
magicians. How good am I doing?
At least you didn't get turned down for
They turned you down?
They went for someone with more theme
park experience. I woulda killed for
Mike lets it sink in.
See, it's all how you look at it. If
your life sucks, then mine is God awful.
I mean, I moved out here partially
because I saw how well you were doing.
You got in the union, you got an agent.
I thought if you could make it, maybe I
I didn't make it...
That's your problem, man. You can't see
what you've got, only what you've lost.
Those guys are right. You are "money".
Mike smiles, then...
(starting to cry)
Then why won't she call...?
Because you left, man. She's got her own
world to deal with in New York. She was
a sweet girl but fuck her. You gotta
move on. You gotta let go of the past.
The future is so beautiful. Every day is
so sunny out here. It's like Manifest
Destiny man. I mean, we made it. What's
past is prologue. That which does not
kill us makes us stronger. All that
shit. You'll get over it.
How did you get over it? I mean how long
'til it stopped hurting?
Sometimes is still hurts. You know how
it is, man. I mean, each day you think
about it less and less. And then one day
you wake up and you don't think of it at
all, and you almost miss that feeling.
It's kinda weird. You miss the pain
because it was part of your life for so
long. And the, boom, something reminds
you of her, and you just smile that
We see that Mike has been GNAWING AWAY at Rob's pepperoni and
semolina as he listens intently.
You miss the pain?
... for the same reason you miss her.
You lived with it so long.
(finishing the loaf)
You wanna grab a bite?
He helps Mike up.
By the way, the guys back home said she
put on some weight.
You always know the right thing to say.
64 INT. SUE'S APARTMENT - OUTSIDE THE DOOR - NIGHT 64
Trent opens the door. He sees Mike standing there dressed
for trouble. His face lights up.
Mikey! Guys, Mikey's here!
(from the living room)
Mike HEARS the sound of a hotly contested SEGA MATCH.
Bitch! You little bitch!
The CAMERA follows Mike and Trent into the...
65 INT. LIVING ROOM - SUE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 65
Mike's JAW DROPS when he sees that Sue has been playing
hockey against the BALD GUY from the Dresden.
Bitch! You bitch!
The room is filled with the BALD GUY'S CREW. They greet Mike
as they take hits off their forty ouncers.
Trent. Take over.
They do a high-speed "controller handoff."
Sue crosses to Mike.
I'm so sorry, man. You were so right.
I got rid of the gun
What are they doing here?
We ran into them that night at Roscoe's.
Tee cleared it up, I apologized, bought
them some chicken and waffles. They
fuckin love Tee. That boy can talk.
All the baldies howl and slap hands at something funny Tee
But most important, man, I'm sorry about
what I said. I was drunk... My
adrenaline was going...
Don't sweat it, man. I needed a kick in
the ass. We're better friends for it.
I've been hating myself for the last two
Believe me, I know what that's like.
(then to Trent)
Yo, Double Down! What time are we
Five minutes, baby. Hey, it's been two
days. You should call Nikki and see if
she wants to meet you there.
66 EXT. "THE DERBY" - HOLLYWOOD NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT 66
The THREE SWINGERS are waved pass the line by the doorman in
a Scorsese-style STEADICAM SHOT which continues up the stairs
and through a curtained doorway into...
67 INT. "THE DERBY" - HOLLYWOOD NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT 67
They enter the domed decco lounge and the full house parts
for them and greets them in perfect Scorsese choreography.
They pass the billiard table and the circular brass rail bar.
The six piece swing band decked out in zoot suits wail on
stage as the crowded dance floor whirls.
The swingers eventually settle into a dark curtained-off
Sue thrusts a scotch into Mike's hand.
68 INT. "THE DERBY" - MOTAGE - NIGHT 68
Montage of smoking, drinking, and carousing.
The parquet floor is packed with swinging hepsters dressed in
Hollywood's take on forties threads. The dancing is full-
blown overcrowded slam swing. The floor is full, and
everyone is damn good. This definitely aint amateur night.
69 INT. BAR AREA - THE DERBY - NIGHT 69
Mike steps up to the bar to refill his drink. He sees a
BRUNETTE sitting at the bar.
There's something fresh about her. She's dressed nice, but
different. She definitely is not a regular.
She throws Mike a half-smile, then looks away.
He looks away.
He shakes his head to himself. No.
He looks over at her again.
Mike's P.O.V. of a WHITE BUNNY sitting on the bar stool.
He smiles, shrugs, and CROSSES TO HER.
When he gets to her she has reverted back to human form.
Hi, Mike. I'm Lorraine.
Like the quiche?
Yes. Like the quiche.
I like quiche.
I thought real men don't like quiche.
My reputation seems to have preceded me.
Why? You're not a real man?
MATCH CUT TO:
Trent points the conversation out to Sue from across the
Trent and Sue's P.O.V. of Mike and Lorraine having an
unforced, enjoyable conversation.
... it's on.
MATCH CUT TO:
BACK IN THE TRENCHES:
... so I thought, what the hell, they
make movies in L.A., not in Michigan, so
I moved here.
Just like that?
Well, it wasn't the simple, but yeah.
How was it hard?
Well, I left someone very special behind.
Tell me about it...
I thought I was going to die.
It's been six months and I'm just
starting to get over it.
Oh, God. That's two more than me. Tell
me it gets better.
Well, it still sucks, but you start to
see that there are advantages to being
What what? What advantages?
You said there are advantages to being
single. I want to know what the
Well... You can talk to a beautiful woman
at a bar without worrying if anyone's
Trent and Sue are watching from across the room.
... it's definitely on.
What else...? Let's see... You have
To do what?
I don't know.... To grow, to go out.
Whatever you want.
Like if I meet a handsome young man and
I wanted to ask him to dance? I can do
Uh, if the guy wants to.
You don't think the guy would find me
attractive enough to dance with?
Yes. I mean, no. I mean, maybe he would
find her, I mean you attractive. Maybe
he doesn't like to dance. Maybe all he
likes to do is just stand around and
drink and smoke and look cool with his
buddies who don't dance either...
Maybe it doesn't matter if he's a good
dancer cause it's a slow song, if that's
what he's afraid of.
No... Maybe that's not the case. Maybe
she shouldn't be such a smug little shit
because she'd be surprised at what a good
dancer he really is, but it's been a long
time and he doesn't know if he's ready
She gets up. She's beautiful. She is beautiful.
... Will you dance with me?
She's in great shape, and look how classy her vintage dress
looks. A vision from the forties. She's too good for this
place. She belongs on the nose of a B-52. What can he say,
Sure I will.
He awkwardly leads her to the unusually empty dance floor.
They START TO DANCE. It's a slow song and they boringly rock
back and forth. Mike is self-conscious, but her touch. Oh
Trent and Sue watching in disbelief.
It is on.
... it is so on.
The couple's dance is cut short as there were only a few bars
left of the slow ballad. Mike smiles politely in relief and
begins to lead Lorraine off the floor.
She pulls him back. He's not getting off that easy. She
wants a whole song. He politely holds her, poised for
another slow number. They're alone on the floor.
Much to Mike's dismay, the song begins with a DRIVING TOM TOM
SOLO. This cues every hep cat in the Derby that the big
one's coming. They all flood the floor for the last dance of
Mike pleadingly shakes his head at Lorraine. It's too fast.
Her eyes narrow as her grip tightens. No sympathy here.
The band breaks into the full-tilt swing number and the dance
floor writhes around them.
They stand motionless for what seems like an eternity.
Gut check. Fuck it. Sink or swim.
Mike grabs her like a man grabs a woman. It's just a simple
six-count swing step, but they're in perfect harmony.
Mike and Lorraine look into each others eyes. It's on, baby.
As Mike's courage grows, the moves start to flow. A spin at
first. Then a double twirl. It's not long before he's
throwing her through combinations that stand out even among
Trent and Sue, mouths agape.
Mike is whipping her smoothly through violent-looking
combinations without a trace of hesitation, and, boy, can she
The set ends with a flourishing crescendo. They're frozen in
a final dip, panting through a glaze of clean sweat.
Mike and Lorraine smile and look into each other's eyes. The
smile slowly disappears. Will they kiss?
Lips almost touching.
Mike tries to muster-up the courage, but it's been so long.
He can't do it. He lets her up.
The floor clears. Exhausted dancers push past them. Forget
it. The moment's gone.
What the hell. They had a great time. What's the hurry?
SOFT CUT TO:
70 EXT. LA BREA AVENUE - OUTSIDE THE DERBY - NIGHT 70
Mike is walking Lorraine to her car. They come upon a parked
Well... This is it.
Listen. I had a great time.
I would love to see you again sometime.
I'll be around.
That's not good enough. I want to make
plans to see you.
Let me get a pen out of my car.
(opens the door)
Do you have something to write on?
Mike hands her a business card.
(looking at it)
You're a comedian?
Yeah. And an actor.
I'll have to come see you sometime.
If and when I get a real gig I'll call
It's not going to well?
When I lived in New York they made it
sound like they were giving out sit-coms
to stand-ups at the airport. I got off
the plane in L.A. six months ago and all
I got to show for it is a tan.
Didn't you tell me to be patient with my
... Yeah, but entertainment law isn't
something you just jump into...
Neither is acting. Not if you're serious
(She writes her number on the
Can I have one of these?
Why, you like the duck with the cigar?
(hands her a card)
Yeah. Nice touch. It's the logo from
"You Bet Your Life", right?
Good eye. Not one club owner got it.
They all ask me why I got Donald Duck on
Hey, at least it's not Goofy.
Well, I should be getting...
... It's really getting late.
... home. It's getting late. Yeah.
Can I give you a ride to your car...?
... Nah. I'm right across the street...
... Which one...?
... The red piece of shit over there...
... well, it suits you...
... get the hell outta here already...
Mike leans in and slowly gives her the sweetest, softest,
most innocent kiss.
He backs up. She's got that goofy look as she unlocks her
club and starts the car.
She drives off.
He watches her go.
71 EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT 71
Mike is driving Trent and Sue home in his car.
72 INT. MIKE'S CAR - SUNSET BOULEVARD - SAME NIGHT 72
You were off your ass back there! Where
the hell did you learn to do all that
twirly whirly shit?
I took a ballroom class with Michelle.
I never danced with anyone but her, til
tonight. That Lorraine chick is good.
You were good. Did you see how she was
Yeah. You probably coulda hit that
tonight if you didn't have to drive us
It's not like that...
Don't give me that! She liked you, man.
I know she liked me. I mean, it's not
like I wanted to do anything with her
Good for you, man. He's being smart.
She's really special, guys.
The bear's got his claws back.
Be smart about it.
I'm telling you. Wait three days...
You don't have to wait three days...
... Okay, two...
... just be smart about it.
Guys... Guys... I got it under control.
Oh. He's got it under control...
... Well, then, I guess we don't have to
worry about him anymore.
Our little baby's growing up...
Trent and sue pretend to cry and hug each other.
Mike looks at them in the rear view mirror.
He smirks and shakes his head.
You guys are such assholes.
73 INT. MIKE'S CAR - SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT 73
Trent and Sue scream at the top of their lungs as they cruise
down Sunset. Alcohol is a terrible drug.
74 INT. MIKE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 74
Mike is standing in the middle of the room looking at
LORRAINE'S NUMBER on the back of the BUSINESS CARD.
He looks at the clock.
He looks back at the NUMBER.
He thinks better of it. He wedges it into a crack in the
answering machine and unbuttons his shirt for bed...
75 INT. MIKE'S APARTMENT - THE NEXT MORNING 75
Mike wakes up and rolls out of bed.
He walks to the phone and pulls the CARD out of the crack.
He looks at the clock.
He sticks it back in the crack.
He makes an "x" on a day of his calendar.
76 INT. MIKE'S BATHROOM - MIKE'S APARTMENT - DAY 76
Mike brushes his teeth.
He looks at the card clipped into the frame of the bathroom
He turns the faucet, allowing exactly ONE DROP of his
precious Los Angeles water supply to drip onto his
He resumes brushing.
77 EXT. "BOURGEOIS PIG" COFFEEHOUSE - LATE AFTERNOON 77
Mike sips espresso as he stares at the CARD.
78 INT. MIKE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 78
Mike is playing solitaire with the CARD laying above all the
The PHONE RINGS.
Mike rushes to get it, then forces himself to wait another
ring and a half exactly.
How's it going? It's been a while...
... Six months.
How are you doing?
Fine... I guess. You?
I think about things.
What kind of things?
You know, us.
I thought you met someone else.
It doesn't matter. I think about you
I miss you, Mike.
Why didn't you call?
I couldn't. Do you know how hard it's
been not to call you? I pick up the
phone every night. Whenever that
commercial comes on...
... the Micheline commercial...
... Yeah, with the baby in the tire. One
time I started to cry right in front of
Pierre... That's his name? Pierre? Is
No, he's not... Listen I don't want to
talk about him. That's a whole other
headache. I called because I heard you
might be moving back to Queens...
The BEEP of Mike's CALL WAITING.
Hang on. Let me get rid of this call.
He clicks to the OTHER LINE.
Are you on the other line?
Yeah, hold on.
I can call back...
No, no. Hold on.
He clicks back to the OTHER LINE.
I heard you might be moving back...
Yeah, uh, I don't think that's gonna be
happening any time soon... Listen, can
I call you right back? I gotta take this
I'm not home and going out of town
tomorrow for a week. Can't you talk for
five more minutes?
I really want to catch up with you, but
I've gotta take this call. They're
holding. I'll talk with you when you get
back in town. Bye.
Goodbye. I lov.....(click)
Mike SWITCHES LINES, cutting Michelle off mid-sentence.
Hi. Sorry about that.
You didn't have to get off the other
line. I would've called you back.
That's okay. I wanted to talk to you.
Mike holds his palm over the receiver and looks at the
(to answering machine)
Do you realize that I've been waiting for
that call for six months and I cut her
You're money, baby.
Back to Lorraine.
MEDIUM SHOT of Mike through his window as he looks down onto
Franklin avenue and talks on the phone.
Hi, Lorraine. Thanks for holding on.
Listen, Mike. You really didn't have to
get off the line. I just wanted to ask
you one thing. I know I shouldn't have
called, I mean, my friends said I should
wait two days... Oh God, I probably sound
like such a schoolgirl... It's just that
it's tonight only... I mean, it's
Sinatra's birthday and they have this
thing every year at "The Room". Do you
know where that is? It's impossible to
find if you've never been there. I don't
understand why none of the clubs in
Hollywood have signs. Anyway, I'm so bad
at this, if you're not busy I thought you
Mike smiles as the CAMERA PULLS BACK from the window and
backwards down Franklin Avenue in a reverse of the first shot
of the movie. The soundtrack kicks in with Sinatra's "Here's
To The Losers"....
Here's to those who love not too wisely,
no, not too wisely, but too well...
To the girl who sighs with envy when she
hears that wedding bell...
To the guy who'd throw a party if he knew
someone to call...
Here's to the losers... Bless them all...
...We rise and pass the glowing Hollywood sign. It's still a
Here's to those who drink their dinners
when that lady doesn't show...
To the girls who wait for kisses
underneath that mistletoe...
To the lonely summer lovers when the
leaves begin to fall...
Here's to the losers... Bless them all...
.... Past the blinking red beacon of the Capital Records
Hey Tom, Dick and Harry...
Come in out of the rain...
Those torches you carry...
Must be drowned in champagne...
... Up and over Hollywood Boulevard. High above the city...
Here's the last toast of the evening...
Here's to those who still believe...
All the losers will be winners...
All the givers shall receive...
Here's to trouble-free tomorrows...
May your sorrows all be small...
Here's to the losers... Bless them all.
... It's all just a pool of beautiful golden light.
FADE TO BLACK.