WONKA
1 1
EXT. OCEAN - DAY
FADE UP on a cold, foggy sky. The only sounds are the lapping
of the ocean waves and the distant tolling of a ship's bell.
Then, chugging out of the thick mist, comes a 1940s TRAWLER.
A strange figure wearing a bright green waistcoat and wildly
colourful scarf climbs the mast. This is Willy Wonka.
As he peers into the fog, he sings A HATFUL OF DREAMS.
WILLY
After seven years of life upon the ocean,
It is time to bid the seven seas farewell,
And the city I've pinned seven years of hopes on
Lies just over the horizon. I can hear the harbour bell!
He spies a GRAND OLD CITY looming out of the freezing fog.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Land ahoy!!
Willy grabs a rope and ABSEILS DOWN to the deck as the other
sailors prepare the boat to come into harbour.
2 2
INT. BOAT - DAY
Willy travels through the engine room, gathering his tattered
old PLUM-COLOURED TAILCOAT and battered WOODEN SUITCASE.
WILLY
Got a tattered overcoat and battered suitcase!
Got a pair of leaky boots upon my feet.
Got to drag myself up by my one good bootlace!
Gotta work my rotten socks off if I wanna make ends meet!
He leaps onto a CRATE as it is CRANED up out of the hold.
3 3
EXT. DOCKS - CONTINUOUS
The crate is hoisted round over the wharf.
WILLY
I've poured everything I've got into my chocolate.
Now it's time to show the world my recipes.
The CAPTAIN throws him a small bag of coins.
CAPTAIN
Good luck, Willy!
2.
WILLY
I've got twelve silver sovereigns in my pocket
And a hatful of dreams!
Willy drops from the crate onto the back of a passing TRUCK
and rides out of the docks in style.
4 4
EXT. TOWN SQUARE - DAY
WILLY LEAPS off the back of the truck, GRABS HOLD of a lamp
post and SLIDES DOWN into the resplendent town square.
On one side stands a CATHEDRAL, on the other, a cathedral of
commerce: a great, glass-domed SHOPPING ARCADE. In the middle
sits a huge FOUNTAIN, its water FROZEN SOLID in the cold.
WILLY
There's a famous restaurant on every street here,
There's Brandino's and the Bar Parisienne.
MAP-SELLER
Restaurant map, sir?
WILLY
Thank you!
WILLY (CONT'D)
(handing him a sovereign)
Got a little map to tell me where to eat here...
Willy unfolds his map -- then notices someone at his feet. It
is a SHOESHINE BOY, upon whose box Willy has inadvertently
placed one foot. The boy demands a sovereign. Willy pays up.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Had a dozen silver sovereigns, now I'm somehow down to ten!
Willy goes over to a fruit stall and picks up a pumpkin.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Want the finest produce? This is where they stock it!
A STREETCAR PASSES, narrowly missing Willy, who drops the
pumpkin in surprise. It splats all over his boots.
FRUIT SELLER
That's three sovereigns, mate.
WILLY
Though the prices are suspiciously extreme!
3.
FRUIT SELLER
You break my pumpkin, you pay for
it.
WILLY
(paying up)
I've got five, six, seven--
As he counts his coins, Willy spots the Shoeshine Boy
cleaning his boots again -- and reluctantly hands over yet
another sovereign.
WILLY (CONT'D)
...six silver sovereigns in my pocket
And a hatful of dreams!
The Shoeshine Boy follows Willy towards the GALERIES GOURMET.
SHOESHINE BOY
Brush your coat, sir?
WILLY
No thank you.
SHOESHINE BOY
Cologne?
WILLY
Leave me alone!
5 5
INT. GALERIES GOURMET - CONTINUOUS
Willy walks reverently through a GRAND ARCADE with marble
walls and a mosaic floor. At the four corners of the central
atrium stand the four most exclusive stores in town.
Three belong to FICKELGRUBER, PRODNOSE and SLUGWORTH, each
rather fusty but very expensive-looking CHOCOLATE SHOPS.
WILLY
At last! The Galeries Gourmet!
I knew that we'd see it one day.
It's everything you said, Mamma, and oh! So much more!
Everywhere you look another famous chocolate store.
Willy notices that the fourth corner store is vacant. A sign
in the window reads TO RENT.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Here's my destiny! I just need to unlock it.
Will I crash and burn or go up like a rocket?
I've got nothing to offer but my chocolate
And a hatful of dreams!
4.
As Willy gazes at the empty shop, his imagination begins to
take over.
First, the name WONKA appears above the shop. Then the
newspaper which lines the windows rises up like curtains to
reveal mountains of goodies.
Finally Willy starts to dance -- and the people in the
Galleria dance along with him. For a moment the city becomes
a riot of colour and joy.
But then -- a POLICEMAN taps Willy on the shoulder, breaking
his reverie, and the world goes back to normal.
The Policeman points to something written in the corner of
the TO RENT SIGN: "No Daydreaming - Penalty §3"
Willy reluctantly pays up.
6 6
EXT. RIVERBANK - NIGHT
Willy walks down some steps leading to the river away from
the Galeries Gourmet, wistfully singing the last verse.
WILLY
In this city anyone can be successful
If they've talent and work hard -- or so they say.
But they didn't mention it would be so stressful
Just to make a dozen silver sovereigns
last more than one day!
He passes a YOUNG MOTHER and baby shivering under a bridge.
YOUNG MOTHER
Could you spare a sovereign for a
place to sleep, love?
WILLY
Of course. Take all you need.
She takes two sovereigns from his hand, leaving him one.
WILLY (CONT'D)
I've got... one silver sovereign in my pocket...
He flips his last sovereign into the air and catches it in
his coat pocket. But the coin falls through a hole in the
lining and down a drain. Willy sighs, but then smiles.
WILLY (CONT'D)
And a hatful of dreams!
The SONG ENDS as Willy sits on a bench and takes off his hat.
5.
From inside he MAGICS a BEDSIDE CANDLE. He blows on it -- and
the flame lights! He then produces an ALARM CLOCK and GLASS.
He PRODUCES A POT and pours STEAMING HOT CHOCOLATE into the
glass, puts his hat back on and stirs his drink with a spoon.
A hulking great BULL MASTIFF approaches and starts snapping
at Willy's trousers. He nervously tries to shoo him away.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Oh! Hello there! Shoo! Shoo!
The dog takes no notice of him -- but then an AUTHORITATIVE
VOICE booms out from nearby.
BLEACHER (O.S.)
Stop! Sit!
The dog immediately sits. A tough-looking, broken-toothed old
bruiser emerges from the shadows. This is BLEACHER.
BLEACHER (CONT'D)
Sorry about Tiddles. He seems to
have taken a shine to your legs.
WILLY
Must be these pants. I got them
from a mailman in Minsk.
BLEACHER
That'll be it. Tiddles'd spend all
day pursuing postal workers if he
could, wouldn't you boy?
The dog agrees. Bleacher casts a glance at Willy's set up.
BLEACHER (CONT'D)
You're not planning on sleeping
there, are you, son?
WILLY
It's only for one night. By this
time tomorrow, I plan to have made
my fortune.
BLEACHER
By this time tomorrow, you'll be
frozen solid.
WILLY
Oh don't be ridic--
Willy goes to stir his hot chocolate but it has FROZEN SOLID.
6.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Perhaps it is a little cold for
camping. But unfortunately I'm no
longer in a position to pay for a
room.
BLEACHER
I'm sorry to hear that. But as luck
would have it, I know someone who
might be able to help you out.
WILLY
Really?
7 7
EXT. SCRUBITT AND BLEACHER - NIGHT
Bleacher leads Willy through the winding, cobbled streets of
a poorer part of town, bottles clinking in his pocket.
BLEACHER
Here we are, Mr Wonka. Home sweet
home.
Tiddles paws at the door to a laundry, shuttered for the
night. On the wall is its name: "SCRUBITT AND BLEACHER". A
harsh, grating voice shouts from within.
MRS SCRUBITT (O.S.)
Get your filthy paws of my front
door, you miserable mutt.
Bleacher chuckles indulgently.
MRS SCRUBITT (0.S.) (CONT'D)
If that's you, Bleacher, you'd
better have that gin!
BLEACHER
Oh I've got something better than
gin, Mrs Scrubitt. A guest.
A slot on the door opens to reveal the narrow, suspicious
eyes of MRS SCRUBITT -- which light up as she sees Willy.
MRS SCRUBITT
Ooh, well why didn't you say?
(to Willy, with oily charm)
Come on in, sir!
7.
8 8
INT. SCRUBITT AND BLEACHER - CONTINUOUS
Mrs Scrubitt ushers Willy into the shop. A counter runs along
one wall. Behind it, shelves filled with bundles of laundry.
A DUMB WAITER leads to the Wash House below.
MRS SCRUBITT
Welcome to Scrubitt and Bleacher,
Guest House and Laundry. You make
yourself at home, warm your cockles
by the fire. Gin?
WILLY
Oh, er--
MRS SCRUBITT
Noodle!
A sullen, cynical, skinny little twelve year old serving girl
appears with a book. This is NOODLE.
NOODLE
Yes, Mrs Scrubitt?
MRS SCRUBITT
Put that book down and fetch our
guest a glass of gin. Poor man's
frozen half to death!
WILLY
Thank you, Mrs Scrubitt. You and
your husband have been most kind.
MRS SCRUBITT
Husband?!
(to Bleacher)
Oh you'd love that, wouldn't you?
BLEACHER
(lying)
No.
MRS SCRUBITT
I'm holding out for someone far
superior to that idle peasant. A
Bishop, maybe, or a Prince. Chin
chin.
Noodle has returned with glasses of gin for Mrs Scrubitt and
Willy. They both drink -- and Willy gasps.
WILLY
That's extremely powerful stuff.
8.
MRS SCRUBITT
You can run cars on that! Now what
can I do for you? A room, is it?
WILLY
Well yes but er...
BLEACHER
Mr Wonka is temporarily
embarrassed.
MRS SCRUBITT
(feigning astonishment)
You don't say.
WILLY
I'm afraid it's true, Mrs Scrubitt,
but all that's about to change.
MRS SCRUBITT
Oh yeah?
WILLY
See, I'm something of a magician,
inventor, and chocolate maker. I've
spent the past seven years
travelling the world perfecting my
craft, and first thing tomorrow at
the Galeries Gourmet, I plan to
unveil my most astonishing creation
yet. Prepare to be amazed as I
present to you:
He reaches into his hat and pulls out...
MRS SCRUBITT
A rabbit?
WILLY
Hm?
(sees the rabbit)
Oh, no, not him.
He puts the rabbit aside and starts rummaging in his hat. He
produces a bunch of carrots and stares at them, perplexed.
WILLY (CONT'D)
That's for his tea.
He digs in again and pulls out a string of handkerchieves.
Noodle stifles a laugh.
WILLY (CONT'D)
It's in here somewhere.
9.
MRS SCRUBITT
Er... don't you worry, Mr Wonka, I
can see you're a man of great
ingenuity and we've got just the
thing for you: the Entrepreneurial
Package. The room's one sovereign a
night but you don't have to pay
until six tomorrow. That give you
long enough to earn a few pennies?
WILLY
More than enough, Mrs Scrubitt!
MRS SCRUBITT
Then just sign here and we're done.
Willy notices Noodle peering through a hatch, staring at him.
She points meaningfully at the form. Willy frowns, not
understanding what she's trying to tell him.
NOODLE
(whispering)
Read the small print!
WILLY
Beg your pardon?
Mrs Scrubitt whips round and gives Noodle a vicious look.
MRS SCRUBITT
Thank you, Noodle, that'll be all.
She slams the hatch -- then turns back to Willy with a smile.
WILLY
What was she saying?
MRS SCRUBITT
Who's that then?
WILLY
The girl.
MRS SCRUBITT
What girl?
WILLY
That girl! It sounded like, "Read
the small print." And there is a
lot of it.
He unfolds the form to reveal yards and yards of small print.
10.
MRS SCRUBITT
Oh you don't want to listen to
Noodle, Mr Wonka. She's damaged.
WILLY
Damaged?
MRS SCRUBITT
Orphan Syndrome.
WILLY
Orphan Syndrome?
BLEACHER
Orphan Syndrome.
WILLY
Orphan Syndrome.
MRS SCRUBITT
She was put down the laundry chute
when she was a bab. I took her in
out of the goodness of my heart and
I've done my best, Mr Wonka, honest
I have, but she's been left with a
suspicious nature. She sees
conspiracy everywhere.
WILLY
Poor girl.
MRS SCRUBITT
This is all your standard ts & cs,
but you're welcome to take a look.
WILLY
I'll just give it a once-over.
Mrs Scrubitt glances nervously to Bleacher as Willy reads. He
pulls a COSH from his pocket and creeps up behind him.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Well, that all seems to be in
order.
MRS SCRUBITT
Really?
Bleacher hastily pockets his cosh -- and Willy signs.
MRS SCRUBITT (CONT'D)
Oh! Then welcome to Scrubitt's!
She dings the reception bell.
11.
9 9
EXT. SCRUBITT AND BLEACHER - NIGHT
Through a series of windows, we glimpse Mrs Scrubitt as she
leads Willy up the main staircase.
They pass a advertising sign painted on the wall which reads
"Come for the night, stay forever!"
She lets him into a charming little room with a four poster
bed, a fire in the grate, even a mint on the pillow.
Mrs Scrubitt leaves Willy to settle in, then unlocks another
door and climbs up the back stairs, calling out sweetly:
MRS SCRUBITT
Noodle! Oh Noodle!
NOODLE
Yes, Mrs Scrubitt?
MRS SCRUBITT
I've been looking for you.
NOODLE
What d'you want?
Suddenly, Mrs Scrubitt GRABS HER BY THE EAR -- and viciously
drags her along the corridor.
MRS SCRUBITT
I want to teach you a lesson, you
miserable little book worm.
NOODLE
What did I do wrong?
MRS SCRUBITT
You know what you did, you brat.
Stop squirming!
She kicks open a door at the far end and throws Noodle into a
rickety PIGEON COOP attached to the wall of the building. As
she lands heavily inside, the pigeons take flight.
MRS SCRUBITT (CONT'D)
You ever interfere in my business
again, you'll be in that coop all
week, understand?
NOODLE
Yes, Mrs Scrubitt. Sorry, Mrs
Scrubitt.
12.
MRS SCRUBITT
I should think so too.
She slams the door, leaving poor Noodle in the drafty coop.
As the camera cranes up to the chimney-pots, dawn breaks over
the glittering dome of the Galeries Gourmet...
10 10
INT. GALERIES GOURMET - MORNING
It's just before ten and the smart, snooty shops are being
readied for the day's trade. Window blinds are raised and
canopies unfurled in unison.
Then, on the stroke of ten, uniformed doormen open the gates.
Willy makes his way past affluent shoppers to the centre. He
touches the pocket where he keeps his old bar of chocolate.
WILLY
(quietly to himself)
Here we go, Mamma.
He takes a deep breath, then leaps on top of his case.
WILLY (CONT'D)
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE
GALERIES GOURMET!
He stands his cane on the ground -- where it magically stays
upright. He presses a button. AN ARM FLIPS OUT from the side
and a tiny flag embroidered with 'W' unfurls unimpressively.
Noodle, who happens to be passing with her laundry cart,
stops to watch.
WILLY (CONT'D)
My name is Willy Wonka, and I have
come to show you a marvellous
morsel, an incredible edible, an
unbeatable eatable the likes of
which this world has never seen, so
quieten up and listen down.
(realises his mistake)
No. Scratch that, reverse it. I
give you the Hoverchoc.
Willy magics a JAR OF CHOCOLATES from his hat. He blows a
little tooter to get a note, then starts to play his one-man-
band, singing YOU'VE NEVER HAD CHOCOLATE LIKE THIS!
13.
WILLY (CONT'D)
In a jungle near Mumbai,
There's a little hover-fly,
Whose wings go at a thousand flaps a sec
And that's no lie!
These microscopic fleas
Like chocolate more than leaves,
And when asked nicely lay precisely
One little egg in each of these!
As Willy sings, a small crowd starts to form. Attracted by
the disturbance, THREE SINISTER MEN come to the windows of
the offices above their respective chocolate shops:
- SLUGWORTH is a proud, confident man with an unshakeable
belief in business as a model for life.
- FICKELGRUBER is a tall, spindly, immaculately-dressed snob.
- PRODNOSE is short, round and dim, clearly wearing a toupée.
WILLY (CONT'D)
When it hatches from its shell,
It gives a happy yell!
How thrilling to be living in
A chocolate hotel!
It beats its wings with glee,
And then as you will see,
The chocolate will levitate
And float most gracefully...
He opens the lid, and the CHOCOLATES quite impossibly RISE UP
from the jar until they HANG IN MID-AIR.
The crowd gasp -- and the three Chocolatiers visibly pale.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Well there's chocolate,
And there's chocolate!
Only mine can make your eyes
Pop out their socke-lets!
Put your hand into your pocke-let!
Get yourself some Wonka chocolate!
Come now I insist,
You've never had chocolate like this!
No, you've never had chocolate like this!
Noodle and the crowd burst into enthusiastic applause.
SLUGWORTH
(to his secretary)
Miss Bon-bon?
14.
MISS BON-BON
Yes, Mr Slugworth?
SLUGWORTH
Call the police.
MISS BON-BON
Very good, sir.
He turns to leave.
WILLY
Now, who wants to try one?
SLUGWORTH
I will.
Slugworth, Fickelgruber and Prodnose emerge from their
respective stores and push through the crowd.
WILLY
Mr Slugworth, sir! Mr Fickelgruber!
And Mr Prodnose! What an honour!
Ever since I was a little-- Boy!
That's quite a handshake!
Slugworth has clasped him in a bone-crushing handshake.
SLUGWORTH
It's a business handshake, Mr
Wonka. Lets people know I mean
business. Now come along, let's try
one of these so-called
"Hoverchocs".
Slugworth, Fickelgruber and Prodnose each pluck a chocolate
out of the air. As they pop them in their mouths, they
struggle to hide their exquisite pleasure.
SLUGWORTH (CONT'D)
Ooh! Ooh it's not just chocolate,
is it? There's... marshmallow.
WILLY
Harvested from the mallow-marshes
of Peru.
FICKELGRUBER
And caramel. But it's...
WILLY
Salted. With the bittersweet tears
of a Russian clown.
15.
PRODNOSE
And is that... Surely not! Cherry?
WILLY
Cherry-picked by the pick of the
cherry-pickers from the Imperial
Gardens in Japan.
As the chocolatiers eat, they glance at each other, worried.
It is, of course, the best chocolate they've ever tasted.
SLUGWORTH
Well, Mr Wonka, I've been in this
business a very long time, and I
can safely say, that of all the
chocolate I've ever tasted, this is
without doubt, the absolute one
hundred percent worst.
WILLY
There we have it, Ladies and
Gentlemen! An endorsement from Mr
Slugworth himsel-- Wait! The
worst?!
SLUGWORTH
We three are the fiercest of rivals
but we agree on one thing. A good
chocolate should be simple, plain,
uncomplicated.
FICKELGRUBER
Whereas this, with all its bells
and whistles, well, it's just...
PRODNOSE
Weird.
Willy suddenly seems totally crushed.
WILLY
Oh! The shame! The terrible shame!
SLUGWORTH
Don't be downhearted, Mr Wonka. So
you're not a chocolatier. There are
many other lines of business.
FICKELGRUBER
(smirking)
Although I'd avoid fashion!
The crowd titter at this jibe. But Willy has a mischievous
glint in his eye.
16.
WILLY
Oh I don't mean it's a shame for
me. It's a shame for you.
SLUGWORTH
Excuse me?
WILLY
If you thought the chocolate was
weird, you're going to hate what
happens next.
And at that very moment, Slugworth starts to RISE UP INTO THE
AIR. The crowd gasps.
SLUGWORTH
What's happening? What's going on?!
WILLY
It's the hoverfly! It's broken out
of its chocolate cocoon and is
flapping its wings like billy-o!
Now Fickelgruber and Prodnose also start to float.
Prodnose flips over backwards sending his wig falling to the
ground. Willy picks it up and throws it back to him.
FICKELGRUBER
You mean a fly's doing this?!
WILLY
Yes but don't worry, it'll be
completely unharmed! In about
twenty minutes, it'll get tired and
exit through your rear.
FICKELGRUBER
You what?!
PRODNOSE
He means we're going to fart them
out of our botties!
FICKELGRUBER
I know what he meant!
SLUGWORTH
You're off your rocker, Wonka!
Who in their right mind would want
a chocolate that makes you fly?!
17.
WILLY
Let's find out, shall we? Who's for
a Hoverchoc? A sovereign a piece!
The crowd starts clamouring for chocolates. Willy hands them
out while people drop coins in his jar.
He smiles happily as one by one, PEOPLE START RISING UPWARDS.
A DUCHESS floats past with her dog on a lead -- both having
the time of their life. An ELDERLY NUN is doing somersaults.
Willy spins, relishing the crowd's joy, then doffs his hat to
Noodle, whom he spots at the back of the crowd. She waves
back, happy for his success, if a little surprised.
Then suddenly, from out of nowhere, POLICE WHISTLES BLOW.
Willy looks around as Officers descend from all directions,
led by the CHIEF OF POLICE.
CHIEF
(to Noodle)
Beat it, kid.
Noodle shoots Willy an apologetic look, suspecting things are
about to take a turn for the worse.
CHIEF (CONT'D)
Alright, folks! Nothing to see
here! Just a small group of people
defying the laws of gravity. Hook
'em, boys.
The crowd disperse as the Officers pull still-floating
customers out of the arcade like helium balloons.
The Policeman who stopped Willy the day before approaches.
This is OFFICER AFFABLE.
OFFICER AFFABLE
I'm afraid we've had complaints
about you, sir.
WILLY
Complaints?
OFFICER AFFABLE
That you've been disrupting the
trade of other businesses. I'm
regrettably obliged to move you on
and confiscate your earnings.
The CHIEF TAKES WILLY'S EARNINGS.
18.
WILLY
Hey!
CHIEF
Don't worry, it's going to a good
cause. Sick kids or something.
Willy can't believe what he's hearing.
OFFICER AFFABLE
Sorry, Sir. Rules is rules.
WILLY
Could you at least leave me a
sovereign? I need to pay for my
room.
Affable checks nobody is watching and gives him a sovereign.
OFFICER AFFABLE
Here.
WILLY
Thank you.
11 11
INT. SCRUBITT AND BLEACHER - DUSK
The clock on the mantle chimes six as Willy walks in.
Bleacher is closing the shutters for the night.
MRS SCRUBITT
Evening, Mr Wonka! How'd it go?
WILLY
Not quite as well as I'd hoped.
MRS SCRUBITT
Oh dear. Well I'm afraid we do have
to settle up now.
WILLY
Thankfully, the room's taken care
of. I believe we said a sovereign?
He puts his sole sovereign down on the counter.
MRS SCRUBITT
For the room, yes. But you have
incurred one or two extras during
the course of your residency with
us.
19.
WILLY
Have I?
Mrs Scrubitt opens her ledger and starts totting up his BILL.
MRS SCRUBITT
Yes, you have. There was that glass
of gin you had when you arrived.
And if I remember rightly, you
warmed your cockles by the fire.
BLEACHER
He did indeed, Mrs Scrubitt.
Willy begins to get nervous as Bleacher bolts the door.
MRS SCRUBITT
Cockle-warming is extra, see?
BLEACHER
Used the stairs to get to his room
and all.
MRS SCRUBITT
Then you've got your stair charge,
and that's per step, I'm afraid, up
and down. Now tell me, Mr Wonka,
did you happen to use the mini-bar?
WILLY
There's a mini-bar?
BLEACHER
Mini-bar of soap.
MRS SCRUBITT
By the sink.
WILLY
I might have... briefly.
BLEACHER
Ooh hoo!
MRS SCRUBITT
See, even Bleacher knows you never
touch the mini-bar and he was
raised in a ditch. Add in your
mattress hire, linen lease, pillow
penalty and you're looking at...
ten thousand sovereigns.
WILLY
You gotta be kidding me!
20.
MRS SCRUBITT
All in the small print, deary.
WILLY
But I don't have ten thousand
sovereigns!
Bleacher grabs Willy by the collar.
BLEACHER
Then we have a problem, Mr Wonka.
MRS SCRUBITT
You'll need to work it off in the
Wash House. At a sovereign a day!
WILLY
But ten thousand days is...
MRS SCRUBITT
Twenty seven years...
BLEACHER
Four months...
MRS SCRUBITT
And sixteen days!
Bleacher hurls Willy into the laundry chute.
12 12
INT. WASH HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Willy yells as he falls down the chute into a LAUNDRY BASKET.
The Wash House is staffed by four of Mrs Scrubitt's other
'guests', all dressed according to their old professions.
ABACUS CRUNCH is an ex-accountant in his sixties wearing a
tweed suit. He looks up as Willy clambers out of the basket.
ABACUS CRUNCH
Ah! You must be Mr Wonka. Abacus
Crunch, Chartered Accountant. At
least, I was. Now I er...
PIPER BENZ, a streetwise plumber in her 30s, takes over.
PIPER BENZ
He runs the place. And you'd best
do as he says or you'll answer to
me. Piper Benz, plumber by trade.
21.
ABACUS CRUNCH
This is Miss Lottie Bell.
LOTTIE BELL is a silent, nervy ex-switchboard operator.
PIPER BENZ
She don't talk much.
LARRY CHUCKLESWORTH is an old-school comedian.
LARRY CHUCKLESWORTH
I'm Larry Chucklesworth.
(he spins his bow tie)
Comedian.
WILLY
So they got you too, did they?
ABACUS CRUNCH
I'm afraid so. Each of us found
ourselves in need of a cheap place
to stay and neglected to read the
small print.
PIPER BENZ
One moment of stupidity followed by
endless regret.
LARRY CHUCKLESWORTH
(comedy mode)
Sounds like my third marriage!
(sincere)
I'm sorry, I do that a lot.
ABACUS CRUNCH
He does.
PIPER BENZ
A lot.
LARRY CHUCKLESWORTH
I've only been married once and it
didn't work out.
WILLY
There must be some way out of here.
PIPER BENZ
You don't think we've tried?
There's bars on the windows, the
dog's on the door...
22.
ABACUS CRUNCH
And even if you could get out, that
contract is watertight.
PIPER BENZ
If you're not here at roll call,
Mrs Scrubitt'll call the police,
they'll bring you right back and
she'll charge you a thousand for
the inconvenience.
Tiddles, standing guard by the door, BARKS MENACINGLY.
ABACUS CRUNCH
Alright everyone, back to work.
Come on, Mr Wonka, I'll show you
the ropes. You're in here. On suds.
SCRUB SCRUB starts to play as the Workers return to their
various stations. Abacus leads Willy into his section of the
Wash House, dominated by two enormous COPPER VATS.
ABACUS CRUNCH (CONT'D)
First you pick up the apparel
Then you stick it in a barrel
Scrub Scrub!
Willy starts to stir the steaming vat. The others join in the
song as he discovers the drudgery of life in the Wash House.
WORKERS
Then you take it to the mangle
And you turn the giant handle
Scrub Scrub!
Then it's hung up really high
Until it's nearly dry
Scrub Scrub!
But when we sing this song
The day don't seem so long
Scrub Scrub!
The song continues as evening turns into night.
WORKERS (CONT'D)
Gotta press out all the creases
From the dresses and chemises
Rub Rub!
Gotta fold 'em like they told us
Or they'll scold us and withhold our
Grub Grub!
(MORE)
23.
WORKERS (CONT'D)
When I look up at the sky
It makes me want to cry
Blub Blub!
But rules must be obeyed
And debts must be repaid
Scrub Scrub!
13 13
INT. BACK STAIRS - NIGHT
Bleacher unlocks the door and the Workers trudge wearily
upstairs to the Staff Quarters.
WORKERS
When into our beds we creep,
All we can do while we're asleep is
Scrub Scrub!
But we've got to get some rest
Because tomorrow, well you guessed it!
Scrub Scrub!
14 14
INT. STAFF CORRIDOR - CONTINUOUS
WORKERS
We all signed the dotted line
So we've gotta do our time
Scrub Scrub!
Mrs Scrubitt joins Bleacher on the stairs.
SCRUBITT AND BLEACHER
And if you don't agree,
See Clause 5 Section 7a
Paragraph 22 Part d which says...
WORKERS
Scrub Scrub!
THE SONG ENDS as they go into their individual rooms.
Bleacher slams the door and locks them in for the night.
BLEACHER
Lights out in thirty minutes!
15 15
INT. WILLY'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Willy walks into his tiny room. He goes over to the barred
window and looks out across the rooftops of the slums. The
golden dome of the Galeries Gourmet seems a long way away.
24.
NOODLE (O.S.)
Room Service!
Willy smiles. He turns to see Noodle standing in the doorway
with a bucket of slops.
NOODLE (CONT'D)
Told you to read the small print.
WILLY
Hm. Well, slight problem with that.
NOODLE
You can't read, can you?
WILLY
I focused my studies almost
exclusively on chocolate.
NOODLE
I see.
WILLY
For everything else, I've relied on
the kindness of strangers.
NOODLE
And look where that's got you: the
Staff Quarters. You've got a bed.
Willy sits on the bed. It collapses underneath him.
NOODLE (CONT'D)
You had a bed. Desk. And wash basin
slash toilet. Water comes in two
temperatures. 'Cold' and 'Colder'.
The wash basin's taps are indeed marked thus.
NOODLE (CONT'D)
How much do you owe them?
WILLY
Ten thousand.
NOODLE
Count yourself lucky. I owe thirty.
WILLY
What? How do you owe them money? I
thought they found you down the
laundry chute.
25.
NOODLE
Oh they did. Took me in out of the
goodness of their hearts and
charged me for the privilege.
WILLY
You're kidding me.
NOODLE
It's not so bad. If I keep my nose
clean, I'll be out of here by the
time I'm eighty-two.
WILLY
What a pair of monsters.
NOODLE
The greedy beat the needy every
time, Mr Wonka. Guess it's just the
way of the world.
She pours some slops into a bowl and leaves.
WILLY
Oh come on, Noodle, that's just
your orphan syndrome talking.
NOODLE
(reappearing at the door)
My what?!
WILLY
Your Orphan Syndrome. And we're
certainly not going to be eating
any slops.
He picks up his sample case and puts it on the table.
NOODLE
What are you doing?
WILLY
Making chocolate of course. How do
you like it? Dark? White? Nutty?
Totally insane.
NOODLE
I don't know. I've never had any.
WILLY
What?! You've never had chocolate?
NOODLE
No.
26.
WILLY
You've never had CHOCOLATE?!!
NOODLE
Still no.
WILLY
Well we'll soon put that right.
Fortunately I have a selection of
the world's finest ingredients
right here in my travel factory.
Willy opens his sample case which CONCERTINAS OUT LIKE A
MAGIC TOOLBOX. Inside is an almost impossible array of flasks
and beakers, a miniature gas stove, and jars of ingredients.
NOODLE
Woah!
WILLY
Where to start, that's the
question... Ah! I know! Silver
Linings! Made of condensed thunder
clouds and liquid sunlight. Helps
you see that faint ray of hope
beyond the shadow of despair. Just
what we need, wouldn't you say?
He selects some jars of ingredients. She watches, curious.
NOODLE
Did you always want to make
chocolate?
WILLY
Oh no. Back when I was your age, I
wanted to be a magician. My Mom was
the cook. We lived on the river,
just the two of us, in a perfect
little world of our own...
The music from WORLD OF YOUR OWN plays as the camera pushes
into a FRAMED POSTCARD of a tree by a river inside his case.
The postcard flips over, revealing it is the first image of
an old MUTOSCOPE FILM, which starts to play...
16 16
EXT. RIVER - SUNSET (FLASHBACK)
A BARGE chugs around a bend in the river. Young Willy -- here
about twelve years old -- walks along the roof towards the
stern where his mother stands, steering.
27.
WILLY (V.O.)
The way I remember it, I spent
every waking hour trying to come up
with some new trick or other to
impress my Mom...
Willy magics an apple and his mother beams.
MAMMA
Bravo!
WILLY (V.O.)
But the real magic came from her.
17 17
INT. BARGE - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)
Mamma makes chocolate while Willy lies in bed.
WILLY (V.O.)
We didn't have a lot of money but
each week she brought home one
cocoa bean, and by the time my
birthday came around, there was
enough to make a single bar of
chocolate. But it wasn't just any
old chocolate. Far from it.
Mamma hands Young Willy the spoon to lick.
YOUNG WILLY
This has to be the best chocolate
in the world!
MAMMA
I don't know about that. They say
the very best comes from a place
called the Galeries Gourmet.
YOUNG WILLY
Theirs can't be any better than
yours, Mamma. It's impossible.
MAMMA
Well, as it so happens, I do have a
little secret even those fancy
pants don't.
YOUNG WILLY
What is it?
28.
MAMMA
(taking the spoon)
I'll tell you... when you're older.
Now get to sleep!
He lies back in his bunk, an idea taking root in his mind.
YOUNG WILLY
We should go, Mamma.
MAMMA
Where's that then?
YOUNG WILLY
To the Galeries Gourmet!
MAMMA
What? And start a shop?!
YOUNG WILLY
Yes! With our name above the door
and everything!
MAMMA
Oh I can see it now! Tables piled
high with chocolate.
YOUNG WILLY
And the tables would be made of
chocolate. The whole shop would be
made of chocolate.
MAMMA
That's a wonderful dream, Willy.
YOUNG WILLY
Is that all it is? Just a dream?
MAMMA
Hey now. Every good thing in this
world started with a dream. So you
hold onto yours. And when you do
share chocolate with the world,
I'll be right there beside you.
YOUNG WILLY
You promise?
MAMMA
I can do better than that. I pinkie
promise. Now sleep.
29.
Contented, he settles down to sleep. She crosses over to a
table where she picks up a pen and writes, on a home-made
chocolate wrapper, the single word "WONKA."
NOODLE (V.O.)
So what was it, Willy? What was her
secret.
WILLY (V.O.)
I never found out. Soon after, she
fell sick and before I knew it, all
I had left was her chocolate.
Mamma disappears, leaving the bar of chocolate on the table.
18 18
INT. WILLY'S ROOM - NIGHT
The story ends and we find ourselves back in Willy's room. He
is holding onto the same bar of chocolate.
NOODLE
I'm sorry, Willy.
WILLY
That's why I'm here, Noodle, so I
can feel the same way I did back
then, eating chocolate with her.
NOODLE
What do you mean?
WILLY
My Mom once promised that when I
share chocolate with the world
she'd be right there beside me. And
I know it sounds crazy, but I
always hoped she'd somehow keep
that promise. She might even tell
me her secret.
She smiles, feeling his pain. Ping! The chocolates are ready.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Here, try one.
He hands one to Noodle. She tentatively puts it to her mouth.
She nibbles a small bite. Then stops.
NOODLE
I wish you hadn't done that.
WILLY
Why not? Don't you like it?
30.
NOODLE
No, I like it. It's just...
WILLY
What?
NOODLE
Now each day I don't have chocolate
will be a little harder.
WILLY
Then how would you like to have all
the chocolate you can eat every day
for the rest of your life?
NOODLE
A lifetime supply?
WILLY
A lifetime supply.
NOODLE
(suspicious)
What would I have to do?
WILLY
Not much. Just get me out of here.
NOODLE
Are you crazy?!
WILLY
Shh! It's easy! I'll get someone to
cover my shift and you can smuggle
me out in your laundry cart -- just
for a few hours, mind. Nobody would
even know I was gone.
NOODLE
What's the point of that?
WILLY
To sell chocolate, of course! We'll
split the profits and pay off Mrs
Scrubitt in no time!
NOODLE
It's a nice idea, Willy...
WILLY
It's a great idea, Noodle.
NOODLE
But it'll never work!
31.
WILLY
Course it will! Eat your chocolate.
She eats the rest of her Silver Lining.
NOODLE
You don't understand. Mrs
Scrubitt's like a hawk. She keeps
her beady eye on everything that
comes in and out of the Wash House.
Except... huh.
WILLY
What is it?
NOODLE
No, it's nothing.
WILLY
Oh, ok.
NOODLE
Huh!
WILLY
A double-huh! That's not nothing.
That's the Silver Lining. It's
given you an idea.
NOODLE
Ok. So the one time she dropped her
guard was when this aristocrat came
into the laundry. He was only
asking for directions but she was
all over him like a rash. It was
disgusting.
WILLY
That's it, Noodle! All we have to
do is find an aristocrat and slip
out while she's distracted.
He eats a Silver Lining, thinking hard.
NOODLE
Yeah, but where are we going to
find an aristocrat?
And now Willy has an idea of his own.
WILLY
Huh.
32.
NOODLE
Huh?
WILLY
Huh!
NOODLE
A double-huh!
WILLY
Do you have a pencil and paper?
NOODLE
Uh-huh.
WILLY
Because I've got an idea...
19 19
EXT. TOWN SQUARE - NIGHT
The Chief of Police approaches the CATHEDRAL. He knocks a
coded rhythm -- and TWO MONKS open the great doors.
20 20
INT. CATHEDRAL - NIGHT
The Chief walks down the aisle to the confessional. Other
monks process around the Cathedral, chanting in Latin.
CHIEF
Keep it up, fellas, you sound
terrific.
21 21
INT. CONFESSIONAL - NIGHT
The Chief slips into the confessional.
CHIEF
Forgive me, Father, for I have
sinned. I have had a hundred and
fifty of these since my last
confession.
A small HATCH opens in the wall between the Priest and
Penitent. The Chief slides a chocolate through the hatch.
PRIEST
(eating the chocolate)
Temptation is very hard to resist.
33.
CHIEF
You can say that again. Send me
down.
The Priest puts the chocolate in his mouth and presses a
button. The CHIEF'S HALF OF THE CONFESSIONAL starts to
DESCEND. It's a SECRET ELEVATOR!
22 22
INT. CRYPT - CONTINUOUS
The secret elevator drops down into the crypt.
A FEMALE SECURITY GUARD stands by huge VAULT DOOR at the end
and opens it.
23 23
INT. VAULT - CONTINUOUS
The Chief steps through into the vault. Pipes, valves and
gauges line the walls like a high-tech machine room.
Miss Bon-bon is writing in a GREEN LEDGER while Slugworth,
Fickelgruber and Prodnose relax.
CHIEF
Good evening, gentlemen! I brought
my invoice. One chocolatier moved
on for the usual fee.
Miss Bon-bon takes the invoice and puts it in the LEDGER.
Prodnose nods to a BUTLER who goes over to a machine.
He presses a button and the machinery whirrs into action,
producing a single box of chocolates.
The Butler hands the box to the Chief who opens it, his eyes
gleaming with chocoholic desire.
CHIEF (CONT'D)
Ooh yeah, that's the good stuff.
SLUGWORTH
How would you like to earn a few
more of these?
CHIEF
I'm listening.
SLUGWORTH
We think Mr Wonka requires more
than simply "moving on". He's good.
34.
PRODNOSE
Too good.
FICKELGRUBER
What's more, he only charges one
sovereign a chocolate. So anyone
can afford them! Even the... the...
CHIEF
The poor?
Fickelgruber retches and raises a handkerchief to his mouth.
FICKELGRUBER
Oh dear, I've just been a little
bit sick in my mouth. Could you
please refrain from referring to
that demographic in my presence?
PRODNOSE
(explaining to the Chief)
He doesn't like it when people say
"poor."
Fickelgruber retches again.
PRODNOSE (CONT'D)
Sorry, Felix.
SLUGWORTH
We want you to send Wonka a
"message".
PRODNOSE
Backed up by physical force.
SLUGWORTH
That if he tries to sell chocolate
in this town again, he's liable to
meet with a little "accident".
PRODNOSE
In which he dies.
CHIEF
Yeah I got that already.
FICKELGRUBER
You don't have to keep saying it.
PRODNOSE
Just making sure we're all on the
same page.
35.
FICKELGRUBER
No-one's on your page.
PRODNOSE
What's that supposed to mean? Well
I know what it means -- actually
what does it mean?
SLUGWORTH
Gentlemen, please! So what do you
say, Chief? Do we have a deal?
CHIEF
Now listen, fellas, I've always
been happy to help in the past, but
the point is, as my wife said, I'm
an officer of the law and lately
she's been wondering-- we've been
wondering if all this criminality
is really suitable for a man in my
position.
SLUGWORTH
I see.
CHIEF
I can't just go round roughing up
your competition, I'm sorry.
SWEET TOOTH starts playing. The chocolatiers exchange looks.
SLUGWORTH
Well now, Chief, I'm glad to see
you're a man of integrity. But ask
yourself this...
Slugworth starts singing to the Chief.
SLUGWORTH (CONT'D)
Have you got a sweet tooth?
CHIEF
I do.
SLUGWORTH
A hunger that you have to feed?
FICKELGRUBER
Have you got a sweet tooth?
CHIEF
I do.
36.
FICKELGRUBER
Well, we've got everything you need!
PRODNOSE
Don't give me that conscience nonsense!
It's simply quid pro quo, so...
SLUGWORTH
(offering his hand)
A hundred of your favourites?
CHIEF
Sorry, I'm afraid it's no!
CHIEF (CONT'D)
I'm actually trying to cut down on
chocolate, you know, get in shape
for the policeman's ball.
SLUGWORTH
But think about your sweet tooth.
CHIEF
I do.
I've had it since I was a boy.
FICKELGRUBER
Your naughty little sweet tooth.
CHIEF
It's true.
PRODNOSE
The only thing that brings you joy.
CHOCOLATIERS
Don't look at your waistline! It's fine!
Who needs to see their toes? So...
SLUGWORTH
(offering his hand)
Seven hundred boxes?
CHIEF
That's a lot of chocolates... No!
Now the Cartel sing together, dancing around the Chief.
SLUGWORTH
Alright, gentlemen, let's give it
the big sell.
37.
CHOCOLATIERS
Have you got a sweet tooth? Me too!
Have you got the hots for chocs?
Do you think that candy's dandy?
Well we've got lots and lots and lots and lots and lots!
If the wife's complaining, body-shaming,
It's amazing what a tailor can conceal...
Fickelgruber hands the Chief a tailor's business card.
CHIEF
Keep your wretched chocolates!
SLUGWORTH
(offering his hand)
Eighteen hundred boxes?
CHIEF
Deal!
The Chief finally takes Slugworth's hand -- then winces with
pain as Slugworth gives him a real bone-crusher.
24 24
INT. BACK STAIRS - DAWN
CLOSE ON Bleacher as he bellows out the roll call.
BLEACHER
Bell. Benz. Chucklesworth. Crunch.
Wonka.
The Workers trudge past Bleacher down into the Wash House.
MRS SCRUBITT (O.S.)
Bleacher? Toilet's blocked again!
Bleacher rolls his eyes.
WILLY
Ah! The unmistakable sound of love.
BLEACHER
You what?
WILLY
Don't tell me you haven't noticed.
She's madly in love with you!
BLEACHER
Mrs Scrubitt?!
38.
WILLY
Besotted. And why not? Look at you:
a fine figure of a man. You just
need to tidy yourself up a bit, get
some new clothes, have a bath.
BLEACHER
A bath?
WILLY
Yeah! You do know what they say?
BLEACHER
What do they say?
WILLY
(beckoning him closer)
She'll be thankful for an ankle...
BLEACHER
Yes?
WILLY
...and pleased to see your knees...
BLEACHER
Right.
WILLY
...but if you want to make her
sigh...
BLEACHER
Tell me.
WILLY
...show her some thigh!
BLEACHER
Ooh!
But the mood is broken by Mrs Scrubitt's bellowing.
MRS SCRUBITT (O.S.)
Bleacher! It's up to my ankles!
You're cleaning that up!
BLEACHER
Get in there! Silly boy.
He shoves Willy down the stairs into the Wash House.
39.
25 25
INT. SCRUBITT AND BLEACHER - DAWN
SCRUB SCRUB starts as Mrs Scrubitt comes down into the shop,
still calling for Bleacher. He's nowhere to be seen.
MRS SCRUBITT
Bleacher?! Curse that idle peasant!
She notices Noodle has stopped scrubbing and is looking at a
sheet of paper. As soon as Noodle realises Mrs Scrubitt is
watching her, she hides it behind her back.
MRS SCRUBITT (CONT'D)
What you hiding there?
NOODLE
Nothing.
MRS SCRUBITT
Do you like that coop, Noodle?
NOODLE
Alright. I was collecting laundry
from Professor Monocle the other
day.
MRS SCRUBITT
Yeah?
NOODLE
He's writing a book about the
Bavarian Royal Family.
MRS SCRUBITT
Boring.
NOODLE
Got sketches of noblemen all over
his wall.
MRS SCRUBITT
So?!
NOODLE
And this one looked rather
familiar.
She hands the sketch to Mrs Scrubitt who examines it closely.
MRS SCRUBITT
Blow me! It's just like...
NOODLE
Mr Bleacher. And look at the name.
40.
MRS SCRUBITT
(reading)
Lord Bleachowitz.
(then)
Are you telling me Bleacher's a
Bavarian aristocrat?
NOODLE
You can't deny he has a certain
quiet dignity.
MRS SCRUBITT
Quiet dignity? Go get my gin.
She aims a kick at Noodle who scurries away.
26 26
INT. WASH HOUSE - DAWN
The Workers are back in the laundry, singing their work song,
like any other morning. But today, something is different.
WORKERS
First you pick up the apparel
And you put it in the barrel
Scrub Scrub!
Willy comes out of his section and starts loading bits of old
laundry equipment into a cart: rope, mangle rollers etc.
Abacus notices. He stops singing and watches, perplexed.
WILLY
Just grabbing a few things.
Willy puts more equipment in the cart. At the mangle, Larry,
distracted by the strange goings-on, gets his tie caught.
LARRY CHUCKLESWORTH
Then you take it to the mangle
Making sure you don't get strangled
Scrub Scrub!
Lottie is up a step ladder hanging laundry on a rack. Willy
grabs the ladder, leaving her dangling.
Willy disappears into his section, then emerges with a square
of cloth cut from the seat of his trousers.
WILLY
Oh Tiddles, here's your chance
To chew my mailman pants!
Tiddles smells the pants and races into Willy's section.
41.
TIDDLES
Woof woof!
WORKERS
Something must be going wrong
Cos we never change our song
Scrub Scrub!
Willy disappears back into his section and closes the door.
27 27
INT. SCRUBITT AND BLEACHER - DAY
The MUSIC CONTINUES as Mrs Scrubitt -- who is half way up a
ladder on wheels -- hears Bleacher coming downstairs.
MRS SCRUBITT
Oh! I see you finally dragged your--
She stares, amazed. Bleacher has transformed himself. He has
shaved, slicked back his hair and is now wearing lederhosen.
MRS SCRUBITT (CONT'D)
You done something with your hair?
BLEACHER
Maybe. Maybe not.
She watches as he struts towards his usual spot by the stove.
MRS SCRUBITT
Where'd you get them dungarees?
BLEACHER
Lost property. Why? Suit me?
MRS SCRUBITT
Not bad, I suppose.
He sits down by the stove.
MRS SCRUBITT (CONT'D)
What you doing all the way over
there?
BLEACHER
Keeping my knees warm.
MRS SCRUBITT
Why don't you come over here, have
a glass of gin?
42.
BLEACHER
Why don't you come over here?
(meaningfully)
Where it's all hot.
He pulls on a rope, sending the ladder whizzing along the
wall, depositing a shrieking Mrs Scrubitt in Bleacher's arms.
MRS SCRUBITT
Oh my lord!
28 28
INT. WASH HOUSE - DAY
The Workers have gathered in the main part of the Wash House.
Sounds of construction come from Willy's section.
Willy opens the door to reveal a RUBE GOLDBERG WASHING
MACHINE, powered by Tiddles running on a treadmill, chasing
the square of Willy's trousers which hangs just out of reach.
WILLY
Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present
a brand new contraption of my own
creation, an innovation in
laundrification.
WORKERS
Scrub Scrub!
WILLY
Now let me ask you a question. How
does Tiddles want to spend his
time? Running after mailmen! And
what do I have to do all day?
WORKERS
Scrub Scrub!
WILLY
Exactly! Well with Willy Wonka's
Wild and Wonderful Woof-o-matic
Wonka-Walker -- please don't make
me say it again -- he gets to run
while I can have fun.
WORKERS
Scrub Scrub!
Willy crosses to the dumb waiter.
WILLY
I'm just popping out for a bit.
43.
He grabs an empty laundry bag and jumps into the dumb waiter.
WILLY (CONT'D)
I'll be back by roll call, but
until then Tiddles has agreed to:
WORKERS
Scrub Scrub!
29 29
INT. SCRUBITT AND BLEACHER - DAY
Ping! Willy -- now inside the bag -- arrives up in the shop.
Scrubitt and Bleacher sit by the stove, giggling amorously.
MRS SCRUBITT
So tell me all about Bavaria.
BLEACHER
Where?
MRS SCRUBITT
Where you're from.
BLEACHER
(playing along)
Oh yes. It's very... Bavarian.
Noodle smiles to herself. Willy's bag leaps out of the dumb
waiter into Noodle's laundry cart -- and the SONG ENDS.
30 30
EXT. SCRUBITT AND BLEACHER / ALLEY - DAY
Noodle drags her cart down the hill and into a deserted alley
just out of sight of the laundry.
NOODLE
All clear!
She unties the laundry bag to let Willy out.
WILLY
We did it! Well done, Noodle!
NOODLE
I can't believe it worked!
WILLY
And wait 'til you see how much
chocolate I made last night! We
sell this and we're gonna -- oh no!
44.
Willy has magicked a jar from his hat -- but it is EMPTY.
NOODLE
What's going on, Willy? Where are
the chocolates?
WILLY
I don't know how to tell you this,
Noodle, but... they've been stolen.
NOODLE
Stolen?
WILLY
Mm-hm.
NOODLE
Who by?
WILLY
The Little Orange Man.
NOODLE
What?
WILLY
The Little Orange Man. Didn't I
tell you about him?
NOODLE
No, you didn't.
WILLY
He's my nemesis! He's about yay
high, comes in the dead of night
and steals all my chocolate. Been
happening every few weeks for the
past ooh... three, four years now.
NOODLE
(disbelieving)
Really?
WILLY
(waxing lyrical)
Sometimes I spy him in that strange
realm 'twixt sleep and wake, green
hair glinting in the moonlight.
NOODLE
Green hair?!
45.
WILLY
(vengeful)
One day I shall catch him, Noodle,
and when I do...
NOODLE
Willy? WILLY!!
WILLY
Yes, Noodle.
NOODLE
You don't actually to expect me to
believe this, do you?
WILLY
Course I do! What other explanation
is there?
NOODLE
I don't know. That you go to sleep,
dream about a little green man...
WILLY
(correcting)
Orange man, green hair.
NOODLE
...and while you're dreaming, STUFF
YOUR FACE WITH CHOCOLATE!!
WILLY
How dare-- Actually that does make
a lot more sense. Have I been
eating my own chocolate?
NOODLE
Why did I ever think this would
work?
WILLY
(still thinking)
I don't think so.
NOODLE
Stupid Silver Linings.
WILLY
Hey! There's nothing stupid about
my chocolate.
NOODLE
If Mrs Scrubitt had spotted us, I'd
be in the coop right now!
46.
WILLY
Look, I'm sorry, ok? But we can
make more chocolate. The only
problem is I'm all out of milk.
NOODLE
That's not a problem. Milk.
Noodle simply swipes a bottle of milk from the nearest
doorstep. Willy, horrified, takes it and puts it back.
WILLY
a) That's stealing. And c) Willy
Wonka does not use any old cow's
milk. For this particular creation,
I require the milk of a giraffe.
Noodle realises it's easier not to argue.
NOODLE
Ok, fine. As matter of fact,
there's one at the zoo.
WILLY
Fantastic!
He strides off down the alley.
NOODLE
But a) the zoo's not that way...
WILLY
(turning back)
Gotcha.
NOODLE
...and b) they're not just gonna
let you just walk in there and milk
it.
WILLY
That, my dear Noodle, is why we're
very lucky the little orange man
didn't find this.
He taps the top of his cane -- and it opens up like a Fabergé
Egg, revealing a SINGLE CHOCOLATE in a TINY BOX.
CUT TO:
47.
31 31
I/E. ZOO / SECURITY LODGE - DUSK
The same CHOCOLATE BOX, being eyed suspiciously by a SECURITY
GUARD. Noodle has delivered it to the ZOO SECURITY LODGE.
ZOO SECURITY GUARD
What is it?
NOODLE
From Zoo Management. In recognition
of your years of service.
ZOO SECURITY GUARD
But I've only been here a year.
NOODLE
(thinking on her feet)
...which is why there's only one
chocolate.
ZOO SECURITY GUARD
Oh. Well... thank you very much.
He lowers the blind. Noodle goes to join Willy who has been
watching from a little way off.
WILLY
Well done, Noodle.
NOODLE
Thanks. What is it really?
WILLY
It's called "A Big Night Out," a
single chocolate that perfectly
mimics a night on the town. The
outer layer is champagne truffle.
The Guard -- his outline seen in silhouette through the
frosted glass -- puts the chocolate in his mouth.
ZOO SECURITY GUARD
Ooh! Lovely!
WILLY
Next comes a layer of white wine.
Then red. That's when the singing
and dancing starts.
Right on cue, the Security Guard starts singing and dancing.
ZOO SECURITY GUARD
We're gonna have a party tonight!
48.
WILLY
It's when he hits the layer of
whisky fudge he'll get emotional.
The Security Guard slumps into his chair, weeping.
ZOO SECURITY GUARD
She was the only woman I ever
really loved!
WILLY
He might do something reckless.
The Security Guard picks up a phone and dials.
ZOO SECURITY GUARD
I'll give her a ring. What harm can
it do? Gwennie? It's Basil. I just
wanted to say, I always loved you.
(beat)
What? Basil Bond! We sat next to
each other in Chemistry at school.
No, don't hang up!
WILLY
Finally he hits some old port from
the back of the cupboard and...
The Security Guard passes out. Noodle is impressed.
NOODLE
That's a pretty powerful chocolate!
WILLY
Thank you.
NOODLE
He will be alright, won't he?
WILLY
Of course! At the centre is a tiny
aspirin which fizzes on his tongue
as he sleeps. He'll wake up in the
morning with an aftertaste of shame
and regret, but come five o'clock
tomorrow he'll have a strange urge
to do it all again.
He reaches through the hatch in the security lodge window and
pulls a lever, opening the zoo gates.
49.
32 32
EXT. ZOO - NIGHT
Willy and Noodle walk through the zoo with flashlights.
Noodle gazes around at all the animals, entranced, then
frowns as they pass a lake filled with flamingos.
NOODLE
Why don't they fly away?
WILLY
I don't know. Perhaps they haven't
thought of it.
NOODLE
You're kidding.
WILLY
No, I'm serious. That's the thing
about flamingoes. They're flock
animals. They need someone to show
them the way.
33 33
INT. BACKSTAGE CORRIDOR - NIGHT
They slip into a backstage corridor. Various doors open onto
different enclosures. Willy looks for one marked "Giraffe."
WILLY
Where are we? Giraffe... giraffe...
Ah! Giraffe!
He opens a door clearly marked "TIGER" -- and is immediately
confronted by a great snarling beast who charges at him.
Noodle slams the door in the nick of time.
NOODLE
You have got to learn how to read!
WILLY
Why?
NOODLE
You were nearly eaten by a tiger!
WILLY
"Nearly" is the key word there,
Noodle. I've nearly been eaten by a
lot of things. And none of them got
more than a nibble.
Noodle shakes her head and opens the door marked "Giraffe."
50.
NOODLE
Giraffe.
34 34
INT. GIRAFFE ENCLOSURE - CONTINUOUS
Willy walks into the stall, Noodle a pace behind. They look
up at the elegant great creature. Willy doffs his hat.
WILLY
Good evening, um...
NOODLE
(reading a sign)
Abigail.
WILLY
Abigail.
The Giraffe starts. Noodle is alarmed.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Whoa there! Easy now. I've brought
acacia mints.
The Giraffe reaches down inquisitively and snaffles a handful
of mints. Noodle watches, enchanted, as Willy starts to
scratch her under the chin.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Giraffes are just crazy about my
acacia mints. Love them more than
anything else. Except being
scratched under the chin. See?
The Giraffe does indeed seem to be enjoying the experience.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Wanna give it a go?
NOODLE
Me?
WILLY
Why not?
NOODLE
Ok...
Noodle smiles broadly as the Giraffe responds to her touch.
Abigail reaches forward and licks Noodle appreciatively.
51.
WILLY
I think she likes you!
(to the Giraffe)
Now, Miss Abigail, if my colleague
here gives you a good scratch,
could you possibly spare us a pint
or two of milk?
35 35
LATER:
Willy stands his coat magically on the ground. He presses a
button and the arms of a coat hanger flip out from the side.
He hangs his coat and hat over the cane.
He then sits on a stool to milk the Giraffe. Noodle is up a
rickety step ladder scratching its chin -- and loving it.
NOODLE
Have you done this before?
WILLY
Once. In Africa. Magnificent beast.
NOODLE
Was she wild?
WILLY
Wild? She was absolutely furious!
But once my hands warmed up, I
think she kind of liked it.
Noodle smiles fondly and shakes her head.
NOODLE
You sure can be silly, Willy.
WILLY
I suppose that's true-dle Noodle.
NOODLE
True-dle?
WILLY
That doesn't work, does it? But
nothing rhymes with Noodle. Where'd
you get that name, anyway?
NOODLE
Doesn't matter.
WILLY
Go on.
52.
She thinks for a moment, then decides to confide in him.
NOODLE
This.
She shows him an AMBER AND GOLD RING she keeps on a string
around her neck. The letter "N" engraved in the middle.
NOODLE (CONT'D)
It's all I have from my parents.
See? 'N' for Noodle. Or Nora, or
Nina -- or nothing at all.
WILLY
Can't you trace the owner?
NOODLE
You don't think I've tried? I've
been to every jewellery store in
the city.
Willy looks at her, feeling for her. Noodle turns to the
giraffe, finding in Abigail's eyes the courage to speak.
As she tells her story, a CHILDISH CHALK DRAWING appears on
screen, showing her deepest desire.
NOODLE (CONT'D)
When I was a kid I always hoped I'd
find my parents. They'd live in
this beautiful old building full of
books. And my Mom would be waiting
for me at the door and I'd run into
her arms and she'd give me this big
hug like she wouldn't ever let me
go. But then I realised it was just
a stupid dream.
The chalk drawing floats away like a dream upon waking. Willy
looks at Noodle, deeply moved.
WILLY
There's nothing stupid about it.
NOODLE
Isn't there?
WILLY
Uh-uh. I know things haven't been
easy for you, Noodle. But they're
going to get better. I'm not going
to let you rot in that wash house
forever.
53.
NOODLE
You promise?
WILLY
I can do better than that, I Pinkie
Promise! And that's the most solemn
vow there is.
They Pinkie Promise. Noodle is touched by his concern.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Now get scratching, we don't have
long until the guard comes to-dle
Noodle.
(pleased with the rhyme)
To-dle!
NOODLE
It's not even a word.
WILLY
I'll keep working on it.
Noodle quietly starts singing FOR A MOMENT.
NOODLE
For a moment
Life doesn't seem
Quite so bad.
For a moment
I kinda forgot
To be sad.
He turns night to day,
But don't get carried away.
Never let down your guard,
Let them into your heart
For a moment.
Willy has finished milking Abigail. He turns to Noodle.
WILLY
Care to dance?
NOODLE
(thinking it sounds fun)
No thank you.
Willy turns to where his cane stands, his coat and hat
handing from it like a shop mannequin. He picks up the cane
and dances with it as if dancing with himself.
54.
WILLY
Noodle, Noodle!
Apple Strudel!
Some people don't and
Some people doodle!
Snakes, Flamingos,
Bears and Poodles!
Singing this song will
Improve your moodle!
Noodle-dee, Noodle-dum!
We're having oodles and
Oodles of fun!
Noodle laughs at Willy goofing around. He spins the ladder
and she leaps off, catching the lantern as she does. She is
lowered to the ground and they race out together.
WILLY AND NOODLE
Thanks, Abigail!
36 36
EXT. ZOO - NIGHT
The MUSIC SWELLS as Willy and Noodle dance through the zoo.
Willy grabs a bouquet of HELIUM BALLOONS from a stall -- and
the lift from the balloons makes them almost weightless.
And now the two of them sing together.
NOODLE WILLY
For a moment Noodle, Noodle!
My life has Apple Strudel!
Turned upside down! Some people don't and
For a moment Some people doodle!
I can't keep my Snakes, Flamingos,
Feet on the ground! Bears and Poodles!
He's the one good thing Singing this song will
That's ever happened to me. Improve your moodle!
Should I drop my defences Noodle-dee, Noodle-dum!
Give up the pretence We're having oodles and
For a moment? Oodles of fun!
They run across the flamingo lake, their feet just barely
making contact with the surface of the water.
The flamingos wake as they pass and watch, astonished, as
Willy and Noodle rise from the water, floating up and over
the wall of the zoo. Inspired, the flamingos follow them.
37 37
EXT. GALERIES GOURMET - NIGHT
Willy and Noodle land on the glass roof of the Galleria and
dance around the spectacular glass dome.
55.
Eventually a gust of wind takes the balloons, breaking the
spell, and they are blown off the roof.
38 38
EXT. TOWN SQUARE - NIGHT
They float down, feeling all alone in the big city. But
Officer Affable has spotted them -- and makes a call.
OFFICER AFFABLE
Chief? You know that fella you
wanted a word with?
Willy and Noodle land and dance by the frozen fountain.
NOODLE
For a moment
Life doesn't seem
Quite so bad.
For a moment
I kind of forgot
To be sad...
Suddenly -- BRRIIINGG! They look up to see the Chief being
driven into the town square in his Police Car.
CHIEF
Mr Wonka! A word in private, if I
may.
WILLY
Er... certainly!
(to Noodle)
Best get out of here, Noodle.
NOODLE
But Willy--
WILLY
Don't worry about me, I've talked
my way out of tighter spots than
this. I'll meet you back at the
cart.
Noodle races off with the milk as the Chief approaches Willy.
CHIEF
You be on your way, Affable.
OFFICER AFFABLE
Are you sure, sir?
56.
CHIEF
Oh yeah. This is between me and Mr
Wonka.
OFFICER AFFABLE
Very good, sir.
Bemused, Affable goes, leaving Willy and the Chief alone.
WILLY
Now Officer, if this is about
Abigail...
Before he can continue, the Chief grabs Willy by the collar.
CHIEF
I've got a message for you, pal.
The Chief PLUNGES Willy's head into the freezing cold water
of the fountain.
CHIEF (CONT'D)
Don't sell chocolate in this town!
He pulls Willy's head back up.
CHIEF (CONT'D)
Got it?!
WILLY
Not really, I'm afraid.
CHIEF
Oh, you got a mouth on you, huh
Candyman? I said...
(pushes Willy in the water)
DON'T. SELL. CHOCOLATE!!
(pulls Willy back up)
You hear me this time?
WILLY
I had water in my ears.
CHIEF
Oh. Yeah, that does make sense. I'm
sorry, I'm all outta whack. Truth
is, I don't want to be doing this.
WILLY
I don't want you to be doing this.
CHIEF
There you go, so we got that in
common.
(MORE)
57.
CHIEF (CONT'D)
But I still gotta give you a
message. I catch you selling
chocolate on any street in this
city, and you'll get more than a
bonk on the head.
WILLY
(puzzled)
I don't have a bonk on the head.
CHIEF
What is with me today?! Can you
wait just a moment?
WILLY
Sure.
The Chief gets his nightstick and bonks Willy on the head.
39 39
INT. SCRUBITT AND BLEACHER - NIGHT
Scrubitt and Bleacher gaze lovingly at each other while
Noodle sneaks past with Willy hidden in the laundry cart.
BLEACHER
Oh, Mrs Scrubitt! Your eyes are
like two... rabbit droppings in a
bowl of custard.
MRS SCRUBITT
(charmed)
Oh, Lord Bleachowitz!
WILLY
(from inside a bag)
See you downstairs!
Willy's sack leaps down the laundry chute.
40 40
INT. WASH HOUSE - NIGHT
Willy lands back down in the Wash House where the other
workers are finishing their shift. Abacus looks up sternly.
ABACUS CRUNCH
Mr Wonka! Good of you to join us.
WILLY
Not late am I?
ABACUS CRUNCH
No. Cutting it a bit fine, but--
58.
Willy hops out of the laundry basket.
WILLY
Tiddles been pulling his weight?
ABACUS CRUNCH
As a matter of fact, Tiddles is a
marvel and productivity is up
thirty percent.
LARRY CHUCKLESWORTH
We took the afternoon off.
ABACUS CRUNCH
But that's not the point.
LARRY CHUCKLESWORTH
(pointing)
This is the point!
ABACUS CRUNCH
Not now, Larry.
LARRY CHUCKLESWORTH
Sorry.
ABACUS CRUNCH
The point is, where have you been?
LARRY CHUCKLESWORTH
What've you been up to?
PIPER BENZ
And why do you smell of giraffe?
LOTTIE BELL
Hmph!
She nods defiantly.
WILLY
Guess I do owe you an explanation.
Truth is I'm a chocolate maker.
NOODLE
(coming in with slops)
Not just any chocolate maker. The
best in the world.
WILLY
Noodle's flattering me. But she's
right. They're exquisite.
59.
NOODLE
The plan is to sell chocolate and
pay off Mrs Scrubitt. At least,
that was the plan until...
ABACUS CRUNCH
Let me guess. You had a little run-
in with the Chief of Police.
WILLY
How did you know that?
ABACUS CRUNCH
Because that's what happens to
anyone who sells chocolate in this
town.
NOODLE
Why?
ABACUS CRUNCH
Three reasons, Noodle. Slugworth,
Fickelgruber and Prodnose. The
Chocolate Cartel.
WILLY
How do you know all this?
ABACUS CRUNCH
Because I was Slugworth's
accountant. For a week at least...
41 41
INT. SLUGWORTH'S OFFICE - EVENING (FLASHBACK)
Abacus comes in with a RED LEATHER-BOUND ACCOUNTS BOOK.
ABACUS CRUNCH
Excuse me, Mr Slugworth, I just
need your signature on--
Abacus sees the office is empty. It's 10pm and everyone has
gone home. But just as he's about to leave, he spots an
IDENTICAL ACCOUNTS BOOK on the desk, BOUND IN GREEN.
ABACUS CRUNCH (V.O.)
It seemed a straightforward job
until I realised there were two
sets of books: one for the
authorities -- and one which told
the truth.
He goes over to the desk and looks through the ledger. Inside
are invoices, receipts, even drawings and blueprints.
60.
As he examines the pages, the BLUEPRINT COMES TO LIFE, and we
see chocolate being funnelled from the Chocolatiers' three
factories into a vault beneath the Cathedral.
ABACUS CRUNCH (V.O.)
Slugworth, Fickelgruber and
Prodnose have been in cahoots for
years. They've been watering down
their chocolate and storing the
excess in a vault deep beneath the
Cathedral, guarded round the clock
by a corrupt cleric and five
hundred chocoholic monks.
The only way to get in is to go
down a secret elevator and past the
Mistress of the Keys -- a
subterranean sentinel who hasn't
seen sunlight in years.
There's thousands of gallons of
chocolate down there and they use
that chocolate to bribe, blackmail
and bludgeon the competition.
It's dawn. Abacus has been reading all night. He removes his
glasses and rubs his eyes, unable to believe what he's seen.
Suddenly, he hears footsteps.
SLUGWORTH (O.S.)
I don't care they were children,
Donovan, they were in our way. Next
time, put your foot down.
Abacus hides behind a sideboard as Slugworth and Miss Bon-Bon
come in to the office.
SLUGWORTH (CONT'D)
Miss Bon-Bon, from now on I'm
keeping the ledger in the vault.
MISS BON-BON
Very good, sir.
SLUGWORTH
Oh, and Mr Crunch?
Abacus realises he's been spotted. He stands sheepishly.
SLUGWORTH (CONT'D)
You're fired.
61.
42 42
INT. POLICE STATION - DAY (FLASHBACK)
Abacus tells his story to the Chief.
ABACUS CRUNCH (V.O.)
I took my story to the Chief of
Police but they'd got to him first.
The Chief nods to an Officer, who grabs Abacus and cuffs him.
ABACUS CRUNCH (V.O.)
I was charged with slandering a
Captain of Industry and fined every
penny I had. All I needed was
somewhere to lay my head until I
could work out how to get back
home. That was four years ago.
As Abacus is taken away, the Chief reaches into a drawer for
a box of chocolates -- and licks his lips.
43 43
INT. WILLY'S ROOM - NIGHT
Willy lies in his bunk, thinking.
ABACUS CRUNCH (V.O.)
I'm sorry, Mr Wonka, but they've
got you right where they want you.
You can't get a shop without
selling chocolate, and you can't
sell chocolate without a shop.
Then makes a decision.
44 44
EXT. BACK OF SCRUBITT AND BLEACHER - NIGHT
Later, a single lamp burns in Willy's window. From within the
cell, the bangs and flashes of chocolate-making.
Finally, Willy comes to the window.
WILLY
Noodle? Noodle! Pssst!
Another lamp is switched on, this time in Noodle's window.
NOODLE
What is it, Willy?
WILLY
Catch!
62.
He swings a line out of his window to Noodle. She catches it
and he slides her a JAR OF CHOCOLATES in a basket.
NOODLE
What's this for?
WILLY
Your wages. A lifetime supply,
remember?
NOODLE
You didn't have to do that.
WILLY
Nonsense. I gave you my word.
NOODLE
Well... thanks. I've got something
for you too.
She puts a rolled up piece of paper in the basket and slides
it back along the line to Willy.
He opens it to discover she has drawn the letter "A". But he
is looking at it upside down and it looks like a glass.
WILLY
What is this? A glass half-full?
NOODLE
Other way up.
WILLY
(turning it upside down)
A glass half-empty?
NOODLE
It's an "A". Your first letter. I'm
teaching you to read.
WILLY
(touched)
Oh Noodle...
NOODLE
I can't have my business partner
eaten by a tiger, now can I?
(before he can interrupt)
Or nearly eaten!
WILLY
Still partners, then?
63.
NOODLE
Well yeah, but I don't know how
we're going to sell any chocolate.
Every time the police show up,
you'd have to disappear...
WILLY
Like a magician?
NOODLE
Right!
WILLY
But it's one thing on stage. You've
got ropes, pulleys, trapdoors...
and there aren't any of those in
the street.
The light comes on in Piper's cell.
PIPER BENZ
As a matter of fact, there are.
WILLY
Piper?
PIPER BENZ
There's trapdoors all over the
city. They're called storm drains.
I'd be happy to show you around --
if you cut me in on the action.
LARRY CHUCKLESWORTH
If you're recruiting, I'd do
anything to get out of here and
make up with my wife. I don't have
any practical skills but...
(underwater voice)
I can talk like I'm underwater!
Lottie switches on her light.
LOTTIE BELL
And if you're looking for someone
to handle communications, I'm your
woman.
WILLY
Lottie?
LOTTIE BELL
What? Why are you staring at me?
64.
PIPER BENZ
I just never heard you speak.
LARRY CHUCKLESWORTH
I thought you were a mime.
LOTTIE BELL
No. Back when I worked the
switchboard, I was quite the
chatterbox. But since I came here,
I haven't had much to shout about.
Abacus switches on his light.
ABACUS CRUNCH
Far be it from me to pour cold
water on all your fun, but may I
remind you that if Mrs Scrubitt
catches you trying to escape, you
each get six months in the coop, so
just think about that before
getting involved in this hair-
brained scheme.
NOODLE
But it's not hair-brained, Abacus!
Willy's chocolates are incredible.
Try one.
ABACUS CRUNCH
That's very kind of you, Noodle,
but I don't care how good his
chocolates are, I--
(eats, immediately changes)
When do we start?
WILLY
Right away!
45 45
EXT. TOWN SQUARE - MORNING
The clock chimes as Noodle drags the cart to the town square.
A young man, COLIN, has just plucked up what little courage
he has and asked the woman who runs the flower stall,
BARBARA, to marry him.
COLIN
I suppose what I'm asking, Barbara,
is, will you marry me?
65.
BARBARA
Oh, I don't know, Colin, it's just,
I'm looking for a life of
adventure, someone to sweep me off
my feet. Could that be you?
COLIN
No. Not with my chronic lack of
self-confidence. I'm sorry to have
wasted your time, Barbara. I'd best
be off. Taxi!
He goes to hail a passing cab -- but the Taxi drives past,
splashing through a puddle and soaking him to the skin.
Dejected, he sits at a nearby cafe table. The Waiter appears.
WAITER
Can I help you, sir?
COLIN
Oh, Waiter. Do you have anything
for a broken heart?
The Waiter leans forward to reveal it's actually Willy. He
starts to sing YOU'VE NEVER HAD CHOCOLATE LIKE THIS!
WILLY
So the taxis never stop,
The girls think you're a flop,
You're wet and cold, you're getting old,
Your confidence is shot.
COLIN
It's true.
WILLY
When people look at you,
They seem to look straight through,
Or like you're something brown they found
Upon the bottom of their shoe.
COLIN
Have you been following me?!
WILLY
But this should lift your gloom.
My giraffe milk macaroon
Restores your zeal and makes you feel
The tallest in the room!
Goodbye to feeling small
And frightened of it all!
66.
Just eat a few of these, soon
You'll be feeling ten feet tall!
Colin takes a chocolate and an amazing transformation comes
over him. Customers watch as he stands, climbs onto the table
and starts to dance with newfound confidence.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Well there's chocolate!
COLIN
(bursting into song)
And there's chocolate!
WILLY AND COLIN
Only Wonka's makes your confidence sky-rocke-let!
People start buying chocolate as quick as possible.
WILLY
Put your hand into your pocke-let!
Get yourself some Wonka chocolate!
Colin sees Barbara staring, amazed by his transformation.
COLIN
Madam, just one kiss?
BARBARA
Yes please!
As they kiss, Noodle -- who has been keeping watch -- spots
the CHIEF leading a handful of OFFICERS on bicycles towards
the square. She puts her fingers to her lips and WHISTLES.
Willy hears her signal. He turns and runs into an alley.
COLIN
I've never had chocolate like this!
BARBARA
No, he's never had chocolate like this!
Willy leaps through a MANHOLE COVER into the storm drain.
By the time the Police make it into the alley, Piper has
replaced the manhole cover, leaving them baffled.
46 46
INT. TRAM - DAY
Two ladies are discussing Willy's latest creation.
67.
LADY 1
Have you tried his new one?
LADY 2
No!
LADY 1
Oh you've got to have a go!
WILLY
Just pop one in and everything
Becomes a Broadway Show!
Willy is disguised as the TICKET COLLECTOR. They both buy
chocolates and eat them. They start singing and dancing.
LADIES
The news that makes you gasp!
The joke that makes you laugh!
The Passengers all buy chocolates and join in.
PASSENGERS
All that you say and do all day
Will be choreographed!
47 47
INT. BARBER'S SHOP - NIGHT
Willy, now dressed as a BARBER, is attending a balding
customer, one of three in the shop.
WILLY
Lost your hair? Can't think where?
CUSTOMER
Feeling fairly bare up there.
WILLY
Don't despair I come prepared,
Behold my hair repair eclair!
He hands out eclairs to the balding customers, who wolf them
down eagerly. A HAIRLESS CAT eats one of the leftovers.
WILLY (CONT'D)
It's made from ground vanilla
From the mountains of Manilla
And a drop-o-let of yeti sweat
Will act like a hair filler!
68.
48 48
INT. TRAM - DAY
PASSENGERS
Well there's chocolate...
49 49
INT. BARBER'S SHOP - NIGHT
The Customers - and shop cat - all now sport full hair-dos.
CUSTOMERS
And there's chocolate!
50 50
INT. TRAM - DAY
PASSENGERS
Only Wonka's makes you
Rock around the clock-elet!
Lottie -- who is near the front keeping watch -- sees the
Police approaching and rings the bell to warn Willy.
Willy runs towards the back of the tram where Abacus has
opened a hatch into the engine compartment. Willy slides
through it and down into an open storm drain below.
The Police board the tram -- but Willy has gone.
PASSENGERS (CONT'D)
Put your hand into your pocke-let!
Get yourself--
CHIEF
Oh put a sock in it!
Make sure they're all frisked!
Have you ever had chocolate like this?
OFFICER AFFABLE
I've never had chocolate like this!
A FLOCK OF FLAMINGOES pass overhead. We follow them as day
turns into night before craning down towards...
51 51
INT. NOODLE'S ROOM - NIGHT
Noodle writes the word "Cat" on a blackboard. Willy sits
folded into a child's school chair, learning to read.
NOODLE
Well there's literate, and illiterate!
Can you tell me what this says?
69.
WILLY
Not a bit of it.
NOODLE
Well that's a vowel
And those are consonants.
WILLY
What's that now?
You're talking nonse-nence.
NOODLE
I should call it quits!
Abacus appears with a jar full of money.
ABACUS CRUNCH
But you've never sold chocolate like this!
52 52
INT. VAULT - NIGHT
The three Chocolatiers are berating the Chief.
FICKELGRUBER
Well there's chocolate...
PRODNOSE
And there's chocolate!
SLUGWORTH
Only Wonka drives a hole right through our profi-lets!
FICKELGRUBER
If we can't get on top of this,
We'll go bust!
CHOCOLATIERS
Choc-apocalypse!
FICKELGRUBER
We'll cease to exist!
CHIEF
But you've never had chocolate like this!
He hands them each a Broadway chocolate. They taste it and
despite their fury, immediately break into a joyful dance.
CHOCOLATIERS
No! We've never had chocolate like this!
70.
53 53
EXT. TOWN SQUARE - MORNING
Willy is in the town square, back where he started, selling
from a little cart, but no longer to one man; a huge crowd
surrounds him, buying chocolate as fast as they can.
CROWD
Well there's chocolate
And there's chocolate!
WILLY
Only Wonka's gets you
Buying wedding frock-lets!
Colin and Barbara, just married, emerge from the Cathedral.
COLIN AND BARBARA
We have just tied the knot and it's
All because of Wonka chocolates!
WILLY
Come now I insist!
You've never had chocolate like this!
CROWD
No, we've never had chocolate like this!
WILLY
Have you ever had chocolate like this?
CROWD
No, we've never had chocolate
No, we've never had chocolate
No, we've never had chocolate like this!
The Chief -- now considerably larger -- barges into the
square with other officers blowing whistles.
But Willy pulls a lever and the cart folds down into a
laundry cart which Noodle pulls away. And Willy disappears
into a storm drain leaving the Chief completely baffled.
As the SONG ENDS the Chief spots part of Willy's handkerchief
trapped in the drain cover, torn off when he leapt in.
He kneels down heavily on the drain cover and examines it.
CHIEF
Oh so that's how you're doing it.
Affable, I want a man at every
storm drain in the city.
71.
OFFICER AFFABLE
Are you sure, sir? Shouldn't we
focus on all those unsolved
murders?
CHIEF
No, this is the priority.
(failing to get up)
Ok you know what? I'm gonna need a
hand here. I'm pretty sure I gained
about a hundred and fifty pounds in
the past two weeks...
54 54
EXT. SCRUBITT AND BLEACHER - NIGHT
It's the dead of night and the streets seem deserted. But
someone is stealthily making their way towards the laundry.
The only clue to their identity is the OOMPA LOOMPA THEME.
A miniature GRAPPLING HOOK is fired up to a window ledge.
55 55
INT. WILLY'S ROOM - NIGHT
A tiny figure, no more than eighteen inches high, shimmies up
to Willy's window ledge, silhouetted in the moonlight.
He slips through the bars, scans the room, then creeps over
to two jars of chocolates, still keeping to the shadows.
CLICK! He steps on a floorboard which activates a switch.
Suddenly the floorboard TWANGS UPWARD and the tiny figure is
FLUNG ACROSS THE ROOM and into a funnel which deposits him in
a JAR -- which closes as he lands, trapping him.
Willy sits up, delighted.
WILLY
Gotcha!
FIGURE
(from within the jar)
What the devil? Let me out of here!
I demand to be released!
WILLY
Incredible! It can speak!
FIGURE
Well of course I can speak. Now let
me out of here or I shall shriek.
72.
WILLY
Not til I take a good look at you.
Willy lifts the jar onto his desk and switches on the light,
revealing a small man with bright orange skin and green hair.
He is, of course, an OOMPA LOOMPA.
OOMPA LOOMPA
Good evening.
WILLY
So you're the funny little man
who's been following me.
The Oompa Loompa puffs out his chest indignantly.
OOMPA LOOMPA
Funny little man?! How dare you!
I'll have you know I'm a perfectly
respectable size for an Oompa
Loompa.
WILLY
An Oompa what now?
OOMPA LOOMPA
In fact in Loompaland, I'm regarded
as something of a whopper. They
call me Lofty. So I'll thank you
not to keep gawping at me like
something unpleasant you found in
your handkerchief. I find it
uncomfortable and frankly rude.
WILLY
Sorry.
OOMPA LOOMPA
Now let me out of here. You have no
right to go around embottling
innocent strangers.
WILLY
Innocent? Hold on. You've been
stealing from me for years!
OOMPA LOOMPA
Well you started it!
WILLY
Me?
OOMPA LOOMPA
You stole our cocoa beans!
73.
WILLY
What are you talking about?
OOMPA LOOMPA
Do you mean to say you don't even
remember?!
WILLY
Remember what?!
OOMPA LOOMPA
The day you destroyed my life.
WILLY
No, I don't remember that.
OOMPA LOOMPA
Well then, young man, allow me to
refresh your memory, in the form of
a song so ruinously catchy it will
creep into your brain and never
leave.
He blows a whistle and the OOMPA LOOMPA theme plays.
WILLY
I don't like the sound of that.
OOMPA LOOMPA
Too late. I'm dancing now. Once
we've started we can't stop.
Oompa Loompa starts doing a strange, hypnotic dance.
OOMPA LOOMPA (CONT'D)
Oompa Loompa doompety-doo,
I've got a tragic tale for you.
Oompa Loompa doompety-dee,
If you are wise you'll listen to me.
56 56
EXT. LOOMPALAND - DUSK
An island paradise. A little sail boat -- its mast snapped in
two -- is limping across the ocean towards it.
OOMPA LOOMPA (V.O.)
Dear Loompaland is both luscious and green
But not conducive to growing the bean!
57 57
EXT. LOOMPALAND - NIGHT
While his shipmates repair the boat, Willy picks cocoa beans.
74.
OOMPA LOOMPA (V.O.)
My job was guarding what little we'd got.
You came along and pinched the lot!
As dawn breaks, Willy leaves with his haul of cocoa beans.
WILLY (V.O.)
Why didn't you say anything?
The camera drifts down to find the Oompa Loompa asleep.
OOMPA LOOMPA (V.O.)
Well perhaps I drifted off!
Two other Oompa Loompas appear over him shaking their heads.
58 58
EXT. BEACH - DAY
The Oompa Loompa is marched out to sea by the guards.
OOMPA LOOMPA (V.O.)
Oompa Loompa doompety-day,
When I awoke, they sent me away.
I'm disgraced, cast out in the cold
Til I've paid my friends back a thousand fold!
WILLY (V.O.)
A thousand fold?! You kidding me?
OOMPA LOOMPA (V.O.)
I repeat!
59 59
INT. WILLY'S ROOM - NIGHT
OOMPA LOOMPA
A thousand fold!!
THE SONG ENDS.
WILLY
Look, Mr Loompa, if you really
think this is a reasonable penalty
for taking three beans...
OOMPA LOOMPA
Four!
WILLY
...then I'm sure we can come to an
understanding, but I can't just
hand over my entire supply. I've
got people counting on me.
75.
OOMPA LOOMPA
Hm. Alright. I tell you what. You
let me out and we can discuss it
like gentlemen.
WILLY
Alright.
Willy releases the Oompa Loompa.
OOMPA LOOMPA
Thank you. Now would you be so kind
as to hand me that miniature frying
pan?
WILLY
This one?
OOMPA LOOMPA
No no, the heavy one.
WILLY
Alright.
OOMPA LOOMPA
(weighing it in his hand)
Ooh that's quite a beast, isn't it?
Now come a little closer. Closer
now. Cosy on up.
Willy does so -- and the Oompa Loompa WHANGS him in the head.
WILLY
Aargh!
The Oompa Loompa STAMPS on Willy's fingers, grabs the jars of
chocolate and hops up onto the window ledge.
OOMPA LOOMPA
Oompa Loompas do not negotiate!
Good day, sir.
WILLY
But--
OOMPA LOOMPA
I said good day!
And with that, he's gone.
76.
60 60
EXT. SCRUBITT AND BLEACHER / ALLEY - THE NEXT MORNING
Noodle drags her cart away from the laundry. Willy is hidden
in a laundry bag on the back along with the other Workers.
NOODLE
He came back?!
WILLY (O.S.)
Yes.
ABACUS CRUNCH (O.S.)
A little green man?
PIPER BENZ (O.S.)
Orange man, green hair.
WILLY (O.S.)
Yes! I set a trap and he walked
right into it!
NOODLE
So where is he?
WILLY (O.S.)
We had a fight, you see. He won.
Hit me on the head with a frying
pan and jumped out the window.
NOODLE
Of course he did.
Noodle stops the cart in the quiet alley just out of sight of
the laundry. Willy emerges from his laundry bag.
WILLY
You don't believe me, do you?
NOODLE
Honestly? No.
WILLY
Do any of you believe me?
One by one, the others emerge from their bags.
PIPER BENZ
No.
ABACUS CRUNCH
No.
LARRY CHUCKLESWORTH
No.
77.
LOTTIE BELL
Definitely not.
NOODLE
But if we have to take a day off,
at least I can give you another
reading lesson.
WILLY
Not reading.
NOODLE
Yes reading.
ABACUS CRUNCH
(giving her a sly look)
Good idea, Noodle. We'll run a few
errands and meet you later.
NOODLE
(to the gloomy Willy)
It'll be fun! We're going on a
field trip. To the library.
61 61
EXT. UNIVERSITY QUARTER - DAY
Noodle bounds up the steps to a LIBRARY. Willy hesitates, too
nervous to go in. Noodle drags him by the hand.
62 62
INT. LIBRARY / READING ROOM - DAY
Noodle sings PURE IMAGINATION as she leads Willy in.
NOODLE
Come with me and you'll be
In a world of pure imagination.
Here for free, you can see
Every fact and fabrication.
Noodle opens an atlas.
NOODLE (CONT'D)
Take a look in this book
You can visit every single nation,
Even fly through the sky's constellations!
Noodle turns the page to an ASTRONOMICAL MAP. Willy stares in
amazement as STARS LIFT OFF THE PAGE.
NOODLE (CONT'D)
If you want to see Paradise,
Simply turn a page and view it.
78.
Noodle opens a copy of PARADISE LOST -- and Willy beams as an
ILLUSTRATED ANGEL FLIES OFF THE PAGE.
NOODLE (CONT'D)
Find out how Da Vinci drew it?
Want to go to Mars?
There's nothing to it.
She opens more books. Willy watches, entranced, as DA VINCI'S
HELICOPTER and a JULES VERNE ROCKET fly off the pages.
NOODLE (CONT'D)
Spend the day far away
In a world of pure imagination.
Stay up late reading Great--
WILLY
(reading the title)
Expectations!
NOODLE
Say that again.
WILLY
"Great Expectations, a novel in
three volumes by Charles Dickens."
Noodle, I can read!
NOODLE
You can read!
WILLY
I CAN READ!!!
Various readers shush him.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Sorry!
(quietly)
I can read! You've given me the
world, Noodle. I can go anywhere.
He races through the library, glancing over other readers'
shoulders at their books. Illustrations fly off the page and
come to life around him.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Down the rabbit hole with Alice to
the Mad Hatter's tea party! Across
the seas with Moby Dick! Into the
cellar with Cinderella - and yes,
Noodle, we shall go to the ball.
79.
The ballroom scene from Cinderella appears in the library,
hundreds of illustrated dancers waltzing around them. Willy
and Noodle join them.
EVERYONE
If you want to see Paradise,
Simply turn a page and view it.
Find out how Da Vinci drew it?
Want to go to Mars?
There's nothing to it.
The library clock chimes twelve and the illustrate people
descend back into their books. The spell is over.
Noodle sings the last verse alone.
NOODLE
There is no life I know
That compares with pure imagination.
But now he's made me dream
There's a better world for me.
THE SONG ENDS. Willy looks around, awestruck.
WILLY
A whole world of literature,
Noodle. Where should we start?
NOODLE
How about here?
The rest of the Wash House Workers have arrived. Abacus hands
Noodle an envelope which she slides across to Willy.
Puzzled, he opens it.
WILLY
"Commercial Leasehold Agreement."
He looks at her questioningly.
NOODLE
Go on.
LARRY CHUCKLESWORTH
It gets better.
WILLY
"The following is a leasehold
agreement between the management
board of the Galeries Gourmet,
hereinafter the landlord, and Mr
William Wonka..." That's me.
80.
Willy stares at the paper, flabbergasted.
NOODLE
You know that shop? The one you've
been dreaming of?
He nods, amazed. Abacus holds up a SET OF KEYS.
63 63
INT. WILLY'S CHOCOLATE SHOP - DAY
Willy opens the door, scarcely able to breathe.
The shop has seen better days. Paint is peeling off the walls
and the ceiling has fallen in, sending an old chandelier
crashing to the floor -- but it's still somehow magical.
Willy looks around, speechless. The others follow them in.
ABACUS CRUNCH
Now I know what you're thinking. It
may need a little work...
LARRY CHUCKLESWORTH
If that's a joke, it's not funny.
And I know not-funny.
Piper fits two ends of a cable together. The lights come on.
PIPER BENZ
Looks like someone left the water
running and the ceiling fell
through. And the ceiling above
that. And the ceiling above that!
ABACUS CRUNCH
But that means we can afford it -
for a week, anyway.
LOTTIE BELL
And we'd finally be legitimate. The
police would have no excuse to keep
bothering us.
Noodle looks anxiously at Willy. He still hasn't said a word.
NOODLE
What do you think, Willy? Do you
like it?
WILLY
Do I like it?! Noodle, it's just
how I always imagined. No. Scratch
that. Better than I imagined.
(MORE)
81.
WILLY (CONT'D)
I mean sure, it's a wreck, but look
at the potential, the bones! This
is going to be the best chocolate
shop in the world. You're not going
to be scrub scrubbing much longer,
Noodle. We'll all be free! As free
as flamingoes!
Noodle so overwhelmed with emotion she can't help but throw
her arms around him and give him the most almighty hug.
ABACUS CRUNCH
Alright! We're not out of the woods
yet. We'd best get back to the Wash
House before roll call...
64 64
EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT
Willy, Noodle and the other workers climb up out of the storm
drain in the alley near Scrubitt and Bleacher.
They get back into their laundry bags and climb into the
cart. Watching from the rooftop are the Cartel and the Chief,
who is compulsively eating chocolates.
CHIEF
There's six of them in total,
including the little girl. She
seems to be the brains of the
operation. They're based at a
laundry called Scrubitt and
Bleacher.
Slugworth turns sharply at the name.
SLUGWORTH
Scrubitt's?
CHIEF
Yeah, why? Do you know it?
SLUGWORTH
Yes, as a matter of fact I do.
CHIEF
They just rented a shop, so legally
I can't touch them, but illegally,
I'm happy to do whatever you guys
want next -- and I mean anything.
You want them all to have a little
accident...
82.
PRODNOSE
In which they die?
CHIEF
Not a problem. But it's gonna cost
you a lot more chocolate.
SLUGWORTH
Alright, Chief...
CHIEF
And I'd be very grateful if you
could give me an advance cause
those other boxes you gave me?
They're gone.
FICKELGRUBER
What? All of them?
CHIEF
Yep. I been eating these little
paper cases for the past three
days. You think they're gonna give
you the same hit. They don't. You
gotta help me, Mr Slugworth,
please. I got a taste for the brown
stuff. I got it real bad.
SLUGWORTH
(handing him a box)
Here you go, Chief. And there's
plenty more where that came from,
but you stand down for now. We'll
give you a call when the time is
right.
CHIEF
Thank you, Mr Slugworth. You're a
good man.
He leaves. The others turns back to the window. Slugworth is
staring closely at Noodle.
FICKELGRUBER
What is it, Arthur?
SLUGWORTH
The girl.
FICKELGRUBER
You don't really think it could be
her, do you?
83.
SLUGWORTH
I do.
FICKELGRUBER
You always assured us she wouldn't
be a problem.
PRODNOSE
He's right! You did assure us.
SLUGWORTH
She won't be. And nor will Wonka.
I'll see to it, personally.
65 65
EXT. SCRUBITT AND BLEACHER - EVENING
Distant thunder roll as a shadowy figure approaches the front
door and knocks. Mrs Scrubitt draws back the hatch.
MRS SCRUBITT
Who is it? What do you want?
SLUGWORTH
(stepping into the light)
Mrs Scrubitt?
MRS SCRUBITT
Mr Slugworth!
She opens the door as Bleacher comes downstairs. They are
both wearing identical, short-cut kimonos.
BLEACHER
Who is it, my s-- Stone me!
He awkwardly tries to pull his kimono down.
MRS SCRUBITT
To what do we owe this honour, sir?
SLUGWORTH
You have a guest, a Mr Wonka. He's
been sneaking out to sell chocolate
with the help of your serving girl.
MRS SCRUBITT
The little brat.
SLUGWORTH
Well quite. I wondered if you might
help me put them out of business...
A flash of lightning takes us to...
84.
66 66
INT. GALERIES GOURMET - MORNING
It's ten o'clock on opening day. Willy stands outside his
shop, his clothes cleaned and repaired, looking just like the
Wonka we know and love. He addresses the passers-by.
WILLY
Ladies and Gentlemen, greetings to
you all and welcome to Wonka's!
Tremendous things are in store,
both literally and metaphorically!
An OLD MAN stops, confused.
OLD MAN
What? In there?
Finally we see Willy's shop. It looks just as derelict and
disused as ever. But Willy has a familiar glint in his eye.
WILLY
Humour me.
He starts to sing A WORLD OF YOUR OWN.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Close your eyes and count to ten!
Make a wish! Now open them!
The Old Man reluctantly does so -- and the front of the store
transforms in front of his eyes.
The newspaper blinds in the window rise to reveal jars upon
jars of chocolate. A sign made of multiple bars of chocolate
slides into position and braziers burst into flame.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Here's a store that's like no other.
If it were I wouldn't bother!
Willy takes the Old Man's arm and leads him towards the
darkened store -- then stops abruptly at the doorway.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Chocolate bushes, chocolate trees,
Chocolate flowers and chocolate bees...
As Willy mentions each of these chocolate marvels in turn,
one of the Wash House Workers produces an example.
Willy takes the chocolate flower and hands it to the Old Man,
who tastes it as Willy heads into the darkened shop.
85.
67 67
INT. WONKA'S CHOCOLATE SHOP - CONTINUOUS
Willy lights a match and puts it to the chandelier.
Abacus gives a signal and the other Workers pull on a rope
which hoists it upwards, revealing an ENCHANTED LAND made of
chocolate and candy.
WILLY
Chocolate memories that a boy once saved
Before they melted away...
A lush green meadow of chocolate grass is studded with
chocolate flowers and toadstools made of icing.
In the centre of the meadow is an enormous tree, its trunk
carved from solid dark chocolate, its branches dipping into a
chocolate river flowing through the store.
Now a CHOCOLATE BARGE appears sailing along the chocolate
river and we realise what Willy has done.
He has recreated his childhood home in chocolate.
He steps on board as he sings, losing himself in nostalgia.
WILLY (CONT'D)
A world of your own,
A place to escape to.
A world of your own
Where you can be free.
Wherever you go,
Wherever life takes you,
This is your home,
A world of your own.
Customers flood in as Willy leaps onto the chocolate barge.
Noodle and Lottie hand out baskets while the other Workers
operate the machines that lend the shop its theatrical magic.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Here is the child that you left behind.
Here is the kid with the curious mind.
Here is the wonder we used to feel
Back when the magic was real.
Willy disappears from the barge in a puff of smoke, then
appears climbing up the trunk of the tree.
WILLY (CONT'D)
A world of your own.
A place to go when you're
Feeling alone,
86.
Feeling unsure.
Embrace the unknown!
Enjoy the adventure!
Willy climbs up through the branches to the tree's canopy.
Abacus operates a cotton candy machine producing clouds.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Let's go strolling in the clouds.
Grab a handful! It's allowed!
Clouds are made of cotton candy,
Just keep your umbrella handy...
He leaps onto a cloud and throws candy to the people below,
who have been given Wonka umbrellas to protect themselves.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Cos there's a hard rain gonna fall!
Humbugs, gum drops, and aniseed balls!
Finally, INDOOR FIREWORKS blast across the sky, leaving
EDIBLE STRING in their wake, which customers grab eagerly.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Fireworks bring sugar string to chew!
All the colour of the rainbow --
And some others too!
Willy grabs hold of a bubblegum balloon, leaps from the cloud
and sinks slowly back to the ground floor.
CUSTOMERS & WILLY
A world of our own.
A place to escape to.
A world of our own,
Where we can be free.
Wherever you go,
Wherever life takes you,
This is our home!
A world of our own!
THE SONG ENDS.
The Old Man stands at the till with armfuls of chocolates.
Noodle is packing his bags while Abacus tots up his bill.
ABACUS CRUNCH
So that's four dozen roses, and a
bag of pears and one giant pretzel.
OLD MAN
Giant?
87.
Abacus takes the Old Man's regular sized pretzel, puts it in
a PRETZEL ENLARGING MACHINE, and hands him a giant pretzel.
ABACUS CRUNCH
That comes to er... nine hundred
and eighty sovereigns.
OLD MAN
A bargain at half the price!
Noodle stares as the Old Man hands over ten notes.
ABACUS CRUNCH
Thank you, sir. How do you want
your change? Spendable or edible?
OLD MAN
Ooh, edible please!
The back of the till dispenses twenty chocolate coins.
ABACUS CRUNCH
Thank you! And don't forget to eat
your basket!
As the Old Man walks away, he notices other customers are
eating their shopping baskets.
Noodle turns to Abacus, delighted.
NOODLE
Abacus, that man just gave us a
thousand sovereigns!
ABACUS CRUNCH
I know, Noodle! Who's next?
There are dozens of customers waiting to pay.
The Old Man cheerfully tucks into a blue flower as he heads
out -- then stops the sight of his reflection in the door.
OLD MAN
Er... Mr Wonka?
WILLY
Yes?
Willy is horrified to see the Old Man sprouting PURPLE HAIR.
OLD MAN
What's going on here?
88.
WILLY
Oh. Oh my goodness.
OLD MAN
(his hair still growing)
What is this?
WILLY
It's... it's impossible! Unless...
Willy takes a flower from the Old Man and tastes it.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Yeti sweat!
OLD MAN
(now half-wizard)
Yeti sweat?!
WILLY
The most powerful hair potion in
the world. But I didn't put it in
there...
(addressing the room)
Ladies and Gentlemen, there seems
to have been a manufacturing error.
Please, nobody eat the flowers!
Several customers look up from the flower beds -- but it's
too late. Wildly coloured hair is already sprouting from
their heads.
BLUE-HAIRED CUSTOMER
Why not?
PINK-HAIRED CUSTOMER
What's wrong with them?
DUCHESS
What's the matter with these
toadstools! My daughter had one
bite and just look at her!
Her child has a Zapata moustache already curling at the ends.
DAUGHTER
I like it!
DUCHESS
Oh don't be ridiculous, Gertrude.
Do you think Granny will kiss you
with a face like that?
89.
DAUGHTER
That's why I like it!
GREEN-FACED CUSTOMER
The chocolate milk's alright. Isn't
it?
WILLY
Chameleon juice? In the milk?! I'm
terribly sorry, everyone. I don't
know how this could have happened --
but the chocolates have been
poisoned!
PINK-HAIRED CUSTOMER
"Poisoned?"
GREEN-FACED CUSTOMER
"Poisoned?"
DUCHESS
He poisoned my child!
WILLY
I didn't poison anyone.
OLD MAN
I want my money back!
ORANGE-HAIRED CUSTOMER
I want compensation!
GREEN-FACED CUSTOMER
I want revenge!
He throws a chocolate pear. Willy ducks and the pear smashes
into the wall behind him -- but the temperature has raised.
Now all the customers all start jeering and throwing pieces
of chocolate at Willy. The Wash House Workers try to calm the
angry customers -- but it's hopeless.
In the melée, the Duchess slips into the backstage area and
cuts a rope -- and the OIL CHANDELIER comes crashing down
onto the floor where it EXPLODES INTO FLAMES.
68 68
INT. CHOCOLATIERS' OFFICES - DAY
Slugworth, Fickelgruber and Prodnose watch delighted from
their offices as fire begins to consume the shop.
90.
SLUGWORTH
That, I believe, is the end of
Wonka's Chocolate Shop.
69 69
INT. WILLY'S SHOP - EVENING
The fire has been extinguished, but the shop has been utterly
destroyed. The great tree has melted into a strange, sinister
twisted shape, and the barge is half-sunken in the river.
Willy and the others stand, shell-shocked.
LOTTIE BELL
I don't understand. What...?
What...?
Lottie lapses back into silence, her hope extinguished.
PIPER BENZ
What happened?
ABACUS CRUNCH
Isn't it obvious? The Chocolate
Cartel.
NOODLE
It's ok, Willy. We can start again,
we can rebuild.
WILLY
There's no point, Noodle. It didn't
work.
NOODLE
What do you mean?
WILLY
She promised she would be here. She
wasn't.
NOODLE
Wait, you didn't really think...
WILLY
No, I did. Just a stupid dream.
NOODLE
Don't say that. Don't you ever--
ABACUS CRUNCH
Come on, Noodle. I think Mr Wonka
needs to be alone.
91.
Abacus leads Noodle and the others away.
Willy sits alone, gazing at his mother's old chocolate bar.
MAMMA (V.O.)
Every good thing in the world
started with a dream. So you hold
onto yours. And when you do share
chocolate with the world, I'll be
right there beside you.
A tear rolls down Willy's cheek. And then:
SLUGWORTH (O.S.)
Terrible shame what happened here.
Willy turns to see the Cartel coming into the shop.
WILLY
I take it you're responsible.
SLUGWORTH
Us? No! Well, not personally. We
may have "encouraged" Mrs Scrubitt
to "enhance" your creations.
PRODNOSE
We paid her to poison them.
SLUGWORTH
Thank you, Gerald.
PRODNOSE
You're welcome.
WILLY
So why have you come? To gloat?
SLUGWORTH
Oh no, Mr Wonka. I don't waste my
time with that sort of thing. We've
come to offer you a deal.
Fickelgruber kneels down to open his suitcase. Inside are six
bundles of bank notes. He lifts one and shows it to Willy.
FICKELGRUBER
This is the precise amount you owe
Mrs Scrubitt.
Fickelgruber hands him several more bundles of notes.
92.
FICKELGRUBER (CONT'D)
This is for the number-cruncher,
the plumber, the telephonist, the
so-called funny-man...
PRODNOSE
By which he means not funny.
FICKELGRUBER
Yes. And this is for the girl.
He hands Willy a bundle far bigger than the others.
SLUGWORTH
We've put in a bit extra for her.
So she can get a place to live.
Clothes. Toys. Books.
That word: books.
SLUGWORTH (CONT'D)
You could change her life, Mr
Wonka, change all their lives.
WILLY
What would I have to do?
SLUGWORTH
Leave town. And never make
chocolate again. There's a boat
sailing at midnight. And for their
sake, as much as your own, I hope
you're on board.
Willy realises he doesn't have much of a choice.
70 70
EXT. SCRUBITT AND BLEACHER - NIGHT
Willy walks slowly back to the laundry, singing a sad reprise
of FOR A MOMENT.
WILLY
Sorry, Noodle.
I guess I got carried away.
Sorry, Noodle.
I hope you'll forgive me one day.
Mrs Scrubitt is waiting for him in the doorway.
MRS SCRUBITT
Checking out, are we?
He nods -- and goes inside.
93.
71 71
INT. WILLY'S ROOM - NIGHT
The MUSIC CONTINUES as Willy packs away his sample case.
WILLY
I just wanted it
To feel the way that it did
When I was a kid.
He looks sadly at the picture of his mother inside, then
closes the class.
72 72
INT. STAFF CORRIDOR - NIGHT
Bleacher stands guard while Willy walks towards the stairs.
He pauses by the door to Noodle's room.
WILLY
Sorry, Noodle.
He desperately wants to knock, to talk to her, to explain,
but Bleacher shakes his head -- and Willy heads downstairs.
73 73
INT. NOODLE'S ROOM - NIGHT
As Willy leaves, some sixth sense wakes Noodle.
She runs to the window and looks down to see Willy handing
the Cartel's money over to Mrs Scrubitt.
NOODLE
Willy!
Willy glances up at her for a moment -- then turns away.
Noodle's heart breaks as she watches him leave.
NOODLE (CONT'D) WILLY
For a moment Sorry, Noodle.
Life didn't seem quite so bad I guess it just wasn't to be.
For a moment Very soon you'll,
I almost forgot to be sad. You'll forget about me.
I thought we were friends At least this will buy
But see how it always ends. You a better life.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Goodbye, Noodle.
He disappears round the corner out of sight.
NOODLE
When will you ever learn
That you always get burned
(MORE)
94.
NOODLE (CONT'D)
If you drop your defence,
If you stop making sense,
If you drop down your guard,
Let them into your heart
For a moment.
For a moment.
Devastated, Noodle sits on her bed and weeps.
74 74
EXT. DOCKS - NIGHT
Willy arrives back at the docks where he first came in.
Waiting are the Chief and the three chocolatiers.
SLUGWORTH
Your ticket, Mr Wonka. One way. To
the North Pole.
FICKELGRUBER
It's Premium Economy.
PRODNOSE
Basically the same as Economy but
you do get a little bit of legroom
and a bag of complimentary peanuts.
(off the other's looks)
But we don't need to go into that.
The ship sounds its horn. It's midnight.
SLUGWORTH
Goodbye, Mr Wonka.
Slugworth removes a glove and grasps Willy's hand with
another bone-crushing handshake.
Willy heads up the gangplank and hands his ticket to the
Captain -- who surreptitiously nods to Slugworth.
75 75
EXT. DECK - NIGHT
The boat heads out of harbour towards the ocean.
Willy rounds a corner to find a HARD WOODEN BENCH, its three
seats separated by arm rests. Over one of the seat-backs is
an antimacassar, on which is written "PREMIUM ECONOMY".
Willy pulls his coat around him as snow starts to fall. And
then, just when he thought things couldn't get any worse, he
hears a DISTINCTIVE WHISTLE -- then the OOMPA LOOMPA theme.
95.
OOMPA LOOMPA (O.S.)
Oompa Loompa Doompety Dee,
I'm not in Premium Economy.
I'd go First Class if I were you
Like the Oompa Loompas doompety-do!
The Oompa Loompa rounds a corner with a trunk which unfolds
to reveal a comfortable reclining chair and minibar.
WILLY
So glad you're here.
OOMPA LOOMPA
(making a cocktail)
Oh I'm not letting you out of my
sight, Willy Wonka, not til you've
paid your debt. But I bring glad
tidings on that score!
WILLY
What's that then?
OOMPA LOOMPA
I've been doing my sums. One more
jar and we're even. Or if you
prefer, I will accept half a jar of
those rather amusing hoverchocs.
WILLY
Well, you're out of luck. I don't
make chocolate anymore.
OOMPA LOOMPA
Please don't tell me you're going
through with this ridiculous deal.
WILLY
I have to. For Noodle. I promised
her a better life. Pinkie promised.
OOMPA LOOMPA
You should stand up to those
bullies, give them the old one-two.
That's what an Oompa Loompa would
do. But if you're determined to sit
there feeling sorry for yourself,
I'm going flat. Good night, sir.
He puts on an eye-mask, then presses a button on the side of
his seat. It reclines with an electronic whirr.
Willy is staring at his hand. Something has caught his eye.
96.
WILLY
Huh.
The Oompa Loompa presses the button again. Another whirr
brings him back up. He lifts his eye mask.
OOMPA LOOMPA
What is it?
WILLY
No, it's nothing.
OOMPA LOOMPA
It is something. You said, "Huh."
WILLY
Sorry, forget it.
OOMPA LOOMPA
Very well.
The Oompa Loompa lowers his eye mask and reclines once more.
WILLY
Huh!
OOMPA LOOMPA
(raising the seat)
You did it again. And if you don't
explain, I shall poke you quite
viciously with a cocktail stick.
WILLY
Look. Where Slugworth shook my
hand. His ring left a mark. An 'A'
surrounded by 'S's.
OOMPA LOOMPA
So? His name's Arthur Slugworth.
It's probably a family ring.
WILLY
Yes, but Noodle has one just like
it.
OOMPA LOOMPA
Noodle?
WILLY
Uh-huh.
OOMPA LOOMPA
Why would the orphan Noodle have a
Slugworth family ring?
97.
WILLY
Only one reason I can think of.
OOMPA LOOMPA
Well what is it?
WILLY
And if I'm right, she could be in
great danger.
OOMPA LOOMPA
Come on, Wonka, spit it out.
Produce your owl-pellet of wisdom.
WILLY
There's no time. I've gotta get
back. Captain!
OOMPA LOOMPA
Wonka? Wonka! Come back here! I
demand an explanation!
Willy bounds up to the bridge. He opens the door to see a
FUSE WIRE burning inexorably towards a pile of DYNAMITE.
OOMPA LOOMPA (CONT'D)
On second thoughts, the explanation
can wait.
He inflates a life-jacket.
OOMPA LOOMPA (CONT'D)
Good day, sir!
He leaps off the boat. Willy follows him.
76 76
EXT. WHARF - NIGHT
The Chief watches with the three Chocolatiers as the boat
heads towards the horizon.
The boat, very small in the distance, explodes.
CHIEF
Well, gentlemen, one dead
chocolatier, as requested.
Slugworth raises a walkie-talkie.
SLUGWORTH
Miss Bon-bon? Give the Chief his
chocolate.
98.
Miss Bon-bon -- sitting in a crane -- lowers an enormous
CRATE OF CHOCOLATE onto the roof of the Chief's Police car.
CHIEF
Excuse me, gentlemen. I got a date
with some chocolate.
77 77
INT. SCRUBITT AND BLEACHER - DAWN
The Workers and Noodle file miserably downstairs -- where Mrs
Scrubitt is waiting for them.
MRS SCRUBITT
My my, what a lot of long faces we
have this morning. It's almost like
you lot had a sneaky plan to
wriggle out of your contracts --
which spectacularly backfired.
The others exchange looks, realising she's onto them.
MRS SCRUBITT (CONT'D)
Oh I know everything that goes on
in my Wash House. Well I got some
good news for you, not that you
deserve it.
She gestures for them to follow her into the shop.
MRS SCRUBITT (CONT'D)
Your friend Mr Wonka done a deal
with the cartel. Gave up his dream
to settle your accounts. Mr Crunch?
ABACUS CRUNCH
Here?
She produces the bundle of notes she received from Willy to
settle his account -- and stamps a receipt.
MRS SCRUBITT
You're free to go.
Abacus, stunned, stands rooted to the spot.
BLEACHER
Scram, bookworm!
Abacus finally moves, takes his receipt and leaves.
MRS SCRUBITT
Bell? Get out of it.
99.
She takes her receipt and goes.
MRS SCRUBITT (CONT'D)
Benz?
PIPER BENZ
You don't gotta tell me twice.
She takes her receipt and leaves.
MRS SCRUBITT
Chucklesworth?
LARRY CHUCKLESWORTH
(taking his receipt)
You've been a terrible audience,
goodnight!
MRS SCRUBITT
Yeah, well you ain't been much of a
comedian, mate.
LARRY CHUCKLESWORTH
I know.
He makes to leave, but Bleacher stops him.
BLEACHER
Hey, Larry. Keep going. You've got
something.
LARRY CHUCKLESWORTH
You scare me.
He leaves. Mrs Scrubitt turns to Noodle.
MRS SCRUBITT
And finally, Noodle. Biggest pile
of the lot. But this isn't to pay
your bill. This is to keep you
here.
NOODLE
What?
Bleacher locks the door. Noodle is trapped.
MRS SCRUBITT
Mr Slugworth doesn't think nasty
little urchins like you should be
out on the streets, lowering the
tone.
(MORE)
100.
MRS SCRUBITT (CONT'D)
So he paid me this money to keep
you down in the Wash House for
good. And I'm only too happy to
oblige.
Noodle runs at her, furious.
NOODLE
I hate you!!
Bleacher grabs her from behind and she flails helplessly.
MRS SCRUBITT
Look at her go, Lord Bleachowitz.
NOODLE
Lord Bleachowitz? You don't still
think he's a lord, do you?
(off Mrs Scrubitt's look)
We made it up, you stupid old hag!
BLEACHER
She's lying! I am a lord!
Mrs Scrubitt's face contorts as she goes from horror to
embarrassment and finally rage.
MRS SCRUBITT
Right! That's it! You're going in
the coop, my girl.
She grabs Noodle by the ear and drags her out past Bleacher,
who is just as stunned by the revelation.
MRS SCRUBITT (CONT'D)
(tearful)
And take them dungarees off, you...
you peasant!
BLEACHER
But... Puffy-wuff! I wuv oo.
78 78
EXT. COOP - DAWN
Noodle is thrown into the pigeon coop and Mrs Scrubitt slams
the door behind her. Noodle sits in the small, freezing coop,
a single tear running down her cheek.
Suddenly, a familiar face pops into view at a hatch.
WILLY
Hello, Noodle.
101.
NOODLE
Willy! I thought you'd gone!
WILLY
I did. Slugworth promised you a
better life -- but he didn't
exactly keep his word. So I came
back. We all did!
Noodle pops her head out the hatch and sees Willy has roped
four ladders together. The other Workers stand at the bottom
of the ladder, waving to Noodle.
NOODLE
He wants me locked up forever.
WILLY
Well of course he does.
Willy gets a screwdriver out of his cane and starts
dismantling the coop from the outside.
NOODLE
Why? What's he got against me?
Willy isn't sure whether to tell her his theory just yet.
WILLY
I don't know, Noodle, not for sure.
All I know for certain is you won't
be safe until he's behind bars.
Abacus climbs up the ladder to the coop.
ABACUS CRUNCH
And how exactly is that supposed to
happen?
WILLY
Abacus! You said the Cartel keep a
record of all their dirty deeds...
ABACUS CRUNCH
In the greed ledger.
WILLY
So if we could get ahold of that we
could prove they pay Scrubitt and
Bleacher to poison our chocolate.
They'd all go to jail and Noodle'd
be free.
102.
ABACUS CRUNCH
Yes, but may I remind you they keep
that ledger in a vault...
LOTTIE BELL
Guarded by a corrupt cleric...
LARRY CHUCKLESWORTH
And five hundred chocoholic monks.
WILLY
That's all true. But I went for a
long cold swim this morning. Cold
water's very good for the brain.
Stimulates the neural pathways. And
after just four miles I figured out
how an ingenious orphan, an
accountant, plumber, telephone
operator and man who can talk
underwater could combine those
skills and pull of the heist of the
century.
ABACUS CRUNCH
But even if we could get our hands
on that ledger, the Cartel will
simply bribe their way out of
trouble. It's what they do.
NOODLE
The greedy beat the needy every
time, remember? It's just the way
of the world.
WILLY
You're right, Noodle. I hate to
admit it, but you are. Which is why
there's one other thing to do.
NOODLE
What's that?
WILLY
Change the world.
Willy has unscrewed the hatch, which springs open.
NOODLE
Where do we start?
103.
79 79
EXT. CATHEDRAL - MORNING
It's 8am. The Priest approaches the Cathedral and knocks. As
he waits for the Monks to open the doors, he's approached by
a BEGGAR GIRL in a shawl.
BEGGAR GIRL
Couldn't spare a piece of chocolate
for a starvin' orphan, could ya?
PRIEST
I'm sorry, my child, I don't have
any on me.
BEGGAR GIRL
Oh that's a shame, Father.
The Monks open the door and as the Priest pushes past her,
surreptitiously popping a piece of chocolate in his mouth.
BEGGAR GIRL (CONT'D)
(to herself)
Then have some acacia mints.
But the Beggar Girl has simultaneously slipped something in
the Priest's pocket -- a handful of ACACIA MINTS.
The Beggar Girl turns away -- and we discover it's NOODLE.
80 80
EXT. ZOO / SECURITY LODGE - MORNING
The Zoo Security guard eyes another Big Night Out Chocolate
which has been delivered with a note.
ZOO SECURITY GUARD
(reading)
"Basil Bond, Employee of the
month!" Well that's lovely...
He puts the chocolate in his mouth and passes out. Willy and
Abacus slip into the security lodge and grab some VAN KEYS.
81 81
INT. ZOO TRANSPORT VAN - DAY
Abacus drives the tall, rickety zoo transport van. In the
back, Willy tends to the giraffe.
ABACUS CRUNCH
Everything alright back there?
104.
WILLY
Everything's fine, isn't it,
Abigail?
The Giraffe snorts. They approach a low bridge.
ABACUS CRUNCH
(to Willy)
Ooh! Tell her she might want to
duck.
WILLY
Might want to what?
ABACUS CRUNCH
Duck!!
Abigail ducks as the tall van just SCRAPES under the bridge.
82 82
EXT. ALLEY NEAR CATHEDRAL - DAY
Abacus parks the van in a deserted alley.
83 83
INT. CATHEDRAL - DAY
The Priest stands by the great doors, addressing the hundreds
of assembled monks.
PRIEST
Good morning, Brethren.
BRETHREN
Good morning, Father.
PRIEST
Now as you all know, it's Baron Von
Schmeichelhammer's funeral today
and his widow is a bit of a pious
type, so I don't want anyone eating
chocolate during the service.
BRETHRED
Yes father.
PRIEST
We all know that one day we shall
be judged for our sins, but it's
not going to be today.
BRETHREN
Amen.
105.
He turns as two monks open the doors...
84 84
EXT. CATHEDRAL - CONTINUOUS
The Priest steps out through the door -- and freezes.
Because standing in the middle of the street in front of him
is the Giraffe. And she can smell ACACIA MINTS!
The Giraffe realises the smell is coming from the Priest's
pocket -- and starts walking in his direction.
PRIEST
There there. Nice giraffe.
He backs away a few steps, then turns and runs back into the
Cathedral, the GIRAFFE CHARGING AFTER HIM.
85 85
INT. CATHEDRAL - DAY
The Priest bursts in, closely followed by the Giraffe.
PRIEST
Everybody out! Save yourselves!
Judgement has come in a most
unexpected form! Run away!
The monks flee in panic -- while the Priest runs up the steps
into the pulpit and grabs a telephone beneath the lectern. He
frantically makes a call.
PRIEST (CONT'D)
(to himself)
What have I done to deserve this?
You know what you've done, Julius!
Sold your soul for twenty pieces of
chocolate! Operator? Operator!
86 86
INT. TELEPHONE EXCHANGE - DAY
Lottie has taken the call from the Cathedral.
LOTTIE BELL
Hello, Operator! How may I direct
your call?
PRIEST (O.S.)
I need the zoo! It's an emergency!
106.
LOTTIE BELL
Putting you through to the escaped
animal department now.
Lottie beams as she connects the call -- but instead of
putting him through to the zoo, she connects him to...
87 87
EXT. ALLEY NEAR CATHEDRAL - DAY
Larry has taken the call on a public telephone in the alley.
Willy, Noodle, Abacus and Piper all stand around him.
LARRY CHUCKLESWORTH
Hello, zoo?
The rest of the group make various animal noises.
LARRY CHUCKLESWORTH (CONT'D)
Quieten down, you animals.
(underwater voice)
You too, octopus!
(regular voice)
What? Oh yeah, I think we did lose
a giraffe. Well it's easy to do.
They're hard to spot, you know!
A STREAM OF INVECTIVE comes indistinctly down the line.
LARRY CHUCKLESWORTH (CONT'D)
Ok! I'll send the guys round!
88 88
INT. CATHEDRAL - DAY
The Priest hangs up. Then hears breathing behind him. He
slowly turns to see the giraffe inches from his face.
He freezes in terror as the giraffe sniffs him, seeking out
the acacia mints.
Finally the Priest vaults over the edge of the pulpit, his
pocket tearing as he goes, and flees, leaving the giraffe
munching happily on the mints.
PRIEST
I'm a sinner! A wicked chocoholic
sinner!
89 89
EXT. CATHEDRAL - DAY
The Priest, now looking distinctly dishevelled, makes it
through the door. Two monks close it behind.
107.
He looks up to see an entire CONGREGATION OF MOURNERS
including a WIDOW in a veil and PALLBEARERS with a coffin.
PRIEST
Good morning, everyone! Baroness,
so sorry for your loss. We're just
having a few technical difficulties
so you might want to pop the late
Baron down for a moment... Ah! The
cavalry!
The ZOO VAN arrives. Abacus, Piper and Larry climb out.
90 90
INT. CATHEDRAL - DAY
Abacus, Piper and Larry wheel an ENORMOUS CAGE inside.
ABACUS CRUNCH
All clear.
Willy and Noodle emerge from a pile of straw in the cage.
They go into the Confessional.
Abacus presses the button in the Priest's side of the
confessional and the elevator side starts to descend. As it
sinks below them, Willy and Noodle step on top of the car.
91 91
EXT. CATHEDRAL - DAY
The congregation start clapping as Abacus, Piper and Larry
emerge with the Giraffe now happily back in her cage.
ABACUS CRUNCH
Here you are, Father. One giraffe.
92 92
INT. CRYPT - DAY
Ping! The elevator arrives in the crypt.
The Mistress of the Keys looks up, surprised, as the elevator
doors open. She walks over to see a box of chocolates,
wrapped in a ribbon, has been placed on a little stand.
MISTRESS OF THE KEYS
(reading a card)
"With thanks for all your hard
work, Father Julius and the
Chocolate Cartel." Oh that's sweet.
108.
She eats one of the chocolates. It's a "Big Night Out" -- the
same chocolate Willy and Noodle gave the Zoo Security Guard.
Willy and Noodle -- hidden above the elevator -- watch as she
starts singing and dancing before reaching the whisky fudge.
MISTRESS OF THE KEYS (CONT'D)
I've wasted my life! Could've been
happy but I threw a pearl away!
I'll give him a call.
She picks up a phone and dials.
93 93
INT. ZOO / SECURITY LODGE - DAY
The Zoo Security Guard is still sleeping off Willy's
chocolate when the phone rings. He comes to and picks up.
ZOO SECURITY GUARD
Hello?
94 94
INT. CRYPT - DAY
MISTRESS OF THE KEYS
Basil? It's Gwennie.
Willy and Noodle share an astonished look.
NOODLE
(whispering)
What are the chances?
MISTRESS OF THE KEYS
You were right. Those days in
Chemistry class were the happiest
of my life.
But then -- WHUMP! She passes out.
95 95
INT. ZOO / SECURITY LODGE - DAY
The Zoo Security Guard looks at the phone, astonished -- and
once more passes out.
96 96
INT. CRYPT - DAY
Willy and Noodle leap down from their hiding place and head
over to the vault door.
109.
They take the key from around the Mistress of the Keys' neck
and unlock the enormous door. They pull it open...
97 97
INT. VAULT - CONTINUOUS
...to find themselves in the vault, face to face with a mass
of pipes, controls and machinery.
NOODLE
Cool!
98 98
INT. SLUGWORTH'S LIMOUSINE - DAY
Slugworth's limousine noses its way slowly through a FLOCK OF
FLAMINGOS which are blocking the road.
DONOVAN
Sorry about this, sir, but a
seafood van spilled its load and
there are so many blasted flamingos
about these days...
SLUGWORTH
Well hurry it along, would you?
He switches on the radio and overhears a news story.
RADIO ANNOUNCER
...the town square was closed this
morning after a bizarre incident at
the city cathedral, delaying the
funeral of noted philanthropist
Baron von Schmichaelhammer...
As the announcer burbles on, Slugworth looks suspicious.
99 99
INT. CATHEDRAL - DAY
The Congregation have settled. The Priest is in the pulpit.
PRIEST
In nomine Patris et Filii et
Spiritus Sancti Amen.
BRRRIIING BRRRIIING!! His phone rings.
PRIEST (CONT'D)
(slightly bashful)
Sorry. I'd best get that... Hello,
Pulpit?
110.
100 100
INT. SLUGWORTH'S CAR - DAY
Slugworth is calling from a car phone, his vehicle still
surrounded by flamingoes.
SLUGWORTH
Father. Everything alright there?
101 101
INT. CATHEDRAL - DAY
The Priest turns delicately away from the congregation.
PRIEST
Oh yes, Mr Slugworth, all tickety-
boo. At least it is now!
(chuckling)
Hm? Oh, we had a giraffe in here
earlier. Had to clear the whole
place for about twenty minutes but
everything's back to normal. Hello?
Slugworth has hung up.
102 102
INT. SLUGWORTH'S CAR - DAY
SLUGWORTH
Damn the flamingoes, Donovan. Floor
it!
DONOVAN
Yes, sir!
Donovan hits the gas, sending flamingos flying.
103 103
INT. VAULT - DAY
Willy and Noodle are desperately hunting for the ledger --
but it's nowhere to be seen.
WILLY
Anything?
NOODLE
Nothing.
WILLY
Keep looking.
NOODLE
It's not here, Willy.
111.
WILLY
It's gotta be! Abacus said that--
NOODLE
Abacus has been in the Wash House
for the past four years. Maybe all
the scrubbing has gone to his head.
Because all that's down here is a
bunch of stupid old chocolate.
Frustrated, she throws a box at the wall. A secret panel
opens. She steps over, scarcely daring to believe, and finds
the GREEN LEDGER.
NOODLE (CONT'D)
Willy, look!
Willy comes over.
WILLY
That's it, Noodle. We've got them.
A GUN SHOT. They spin round to see the three Chocolatiers
standing in the doorway. Slugworth has fired into the air.
Slugworth slowly steps forward, his gun raised.
SLUGWORTH
Naughty, naughty, Mr Wonka. You've
caused us quite a bit of trouble,
you and your... urchin.
WILLY
But she isn't just an urchin is
she, Mr Slugworth? You're family.
NOODLE
What? What are you talking about,
Willy?
WILLY
You know that ring? The one you got
from your parents? Well Mr
Slugworth has one just like it,
don't you, Mr Slugworth?
Noodle looks amazed at the ring around her neck.
SLUGWORTH
As a matter of fact, I do. That
belonged to my brother. Zebedee.
NOODLE
Was he my father?
112.
SLUGWORTH
A hopeless romantic is what he was.
Fell in love with a common little
bookworm, but died before they
could marry, leaving me sole heir
to the family fortune, or so I
thought...
104 104
EXT. SLUGWORTH'S HOUSE - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)
It's snowing. A poor young woman turns up on Slugworth's
doorstep clutching a baby in her shawl.
SLUGWORTH (V.O.)
But nine months later, your mother
turned up on my doorstep, begging
me to get a doctor for her sick
little newborn. I said I would
help.
105 105
INT. SLUGWORTH'S HOUSE - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)
Slugworth puts the child in a laundry bag.
NOODLE (V.O.)
But you didn't, did you?
106 106
EXT. SCRUBITT AND BLEACHER - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)
Slugworth walks up the street by the laundry. He checks
nobody is watching -- then slips the bag down the chute.
NOODLE (V.O.)
Instead you put me down a laundry
chute...
107 107
INT. WASH HOUSE - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)
Mrs Scrubitt sees the laundry bag and opens it to find the
baby, the ring on a chain around her neck.
NOODLE (V.O.)
Mrs Scrubitt found me. She saw the
ring, thought it was an `N' and
called me Noodle. But it wasn't. It
was `Z' for `Zebedee'.
113.
108 108
EXT. SLUGWORTH'S HOUSE - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)
The Poor Young Woman comes back to collect her baby.
SLUGWORTH (V.O.)
When your mother returned, I told
her you'd died, buried in a
pauper's grave.
The Poor Young Woman drops to her knees, howling.
SLUGWORTH (V.O.)
She was heartbroken of course, but
I gave her a handful of sovereigns
and had her escorted from my
property.
Slugworth drops a handful of coins at her feet.
109 109
INT. VAULT - DAY
Noodle has listened, tears in her eyes.
NOODLE
What was her name?
SLUGWORTH
Eh?
NOODLE
My Mom? What was her name?
SLUGWORTH
Ooh. Now then, umm... No, I don't
think I can remember that. You must
understand she was very poor.
Fickelgruber retches.
SLUGWORTH (CONT'D)
Sorry, Felix.
Willy has been looking in the ledger.
WILLY
Her name was Dorothy. Dorothy
Smith. Says so right here.
Noodle looks over, moved.
114.
SLUGWORTH
Well this is all very touching but
back to business. We'll take that,
thank you very much.
Fickelgruber takes the ledger from Willy and returns it to
its secret compartment.
SLUGWORTH (CONT'D)
How much chocolate have you got at
your factory, Fickelgruber?
FICKELGRUBER
About eighty thousand gallons.
SLUGWORTH
Prodnose?
PRODNOSE
Seventy five.
SLUGWORTH
And I've got one fifty. Should be
just about enough.
NOODLE
For what?
SLUGWORTH
Death by chocolate!
PRODNOSE
And we don't mean the pudding.
He gestures for Willy and Noodle to head through the
watertight door into the chocolate tank.
110 110
INT. CHOCOLATE TANK - CONTINUOUS
Willy and Noodle are marched across the retractable walkway
towards the middle of the tank. Beneath their feet, huge
mixer blades stir the chocolate.
They reach the hub which stands, like a tiny metal island, in
the middle of a lake of chocolate.
WILLY
Considering the situation, I
wondered if you gentlemen would do
a good deed on my behalf.
FICKELGRUBER
A what?
115.
PRODNOSE
A good deed? It's a sort of
pointless act of selflessness--
SLUGWORTH
Of course Mr Wonka. What is it you
want us to do?
Willy reaches into his hat and pulls out a JAR OF CHOCOLATES.
WILLY
I wonder if you could give these to
someone -- only if you happen to
see him, you understand.
SLUGWORTH
Who is it?
WILLY
A little orange man.
SLUGWORTH
Eh?
WILLY
He's about yay high, with orange
skin and bright green hair. I owe
him a jar and, well, I think these
might be the best I've ever made.
SLUGWORTH
In that case, I'll see he gets them
personally. Farewell, Mr Wonka.
Urchin.
Slugworth presses a button and the walkway retracts, leaving
Willy and Noodle stranded.
111 111
INT. VAULT - DAY
The Chocolatiers seal the door to the Chocolate Tank.
They each turn a valve.
112 112
INT. CHOCOLATE TANK - DAY
CHOCOLATE starts to cascade from THREE OUTLETS into the tank.
116.
113 113
INT. VAULT - DAY
They head down the hallway and into the elevator. Slugworth
looks down at Willy's jar of chocolates.
SLUGWORTH
Best he's ever made, eh?
They all start stuffing chocolate in their mouths.
114 114
INT. CHOCOLATE TANK - DAY
Chocolate is still pouring into the tank. Willy and Noodle
are now having to TREAD WATER as the level inexorably rises.
WILLY
I've got it!
NOODLE
What is it? Did you think of
something?
WILLY
Yes I did!
Willy pulls ingredients from his various pockets and throws
great handfuls of them into the chocolate.
WILLY (CONT'D)
If we're going to drown in
chocolate, Noodle -- and let's face
it, we're going to drown in
chocolate -- then it's going to be
Wonka chocolate!
NOODLE
We're not going to drown, Willy.
Look. There's light up there.
Willy looks up. In the middle of the ceiling is a skylight.
NOODLE (CONT'D)
We'll let the chocolate raise us
up, bang on the glass and pray
someone hears us.
WILLY
That's a much better idea.
115 115
INT. CATHEDRAL - DAY
PING! The elevator arrives back up in the confessional.
117.
PRIEST
Now gentlemen, it was a bit of a
close shave today and I was
wondering if we should rethink our
arrangement or...
Slugworth hands the Priest the last of Willy's chocolates.
The Priest's eyes light up.
PRIEST (CONT'D)
Or just leave things as they are.
The Cartel step out.
SLUGWORTH
That Wonka might be as nutty as a
fruit cake, but he sure knew how to
make chocolate.
PRODNOSE
Do you think we should have saved
some for the little orange man?
FICKELGRUBER
Tell me you're joking.
PRODNOSE
Of course I am! Why am I?
SLUGWORTH
Because there's no such thing as a
Little Orange Man, you nincompoop.
Slugworth throws the empty jar into a trash can.
PRODNOSE
Oh I see! Well then I'm glad we ate
his chocolates!
116 116
INT. CHOCOLATE TANK - DAY
Willy and Noodle are approaching the top of the tank.
The rising level of the chocolate lifts them to the skylight
in the roof. Desperately they bang on the glass for help.
Shadows appear over the glass. Someone has heard them!
NOODLE
Look, Willy, someone's coming!
We're saved!
118.
But then three faces appear at the glass: Slugworth,
Fickelgruber and Prodnose. With evil grins they wave goodbye.
WILLY
I'm sorry, Noodle.
NOODLE
Don't be. You found my family. A
Mom who loved me. That's all I ever
wanted.
WILLY
Deep breath now.
The chocolate rises the last few inches, covering their
heads. Through the skylight we see the chocolate rising to
the top. The tank is full.
A long, hopeless silence.
117 117
INT. CONFESSIONAL BOOTH - DAY
The Priest takes a bite of his chocolate.
PRIEST
Ooh that is better. Honestly
Julius, you mustn't get all worked
up. As if some weird creature was
going to come and punish your sins.
It was just a bit of chocolate.
The door opens, bathing the Priest in light.
OOMPA LOOMPA (O.S.)
Correction.
The Priest looks down to see a furious Little Orange Man
holding the empty jar that the cartel threw in the trash can.
OOMPA LOOMPA (CONT'D)
It was actually my chocolate.
He throws the jar at the Priest's head -- CLONK -- knocking
him cold. He then grabs the secret lever and pulls it.
118 118
INT. VAULT - DAY
PING! The elevator arrives back in the basement. The doors
open to reveal the Oompa Loompa wearing a pair of aviator
goggles and a backpack.
119.
OOMPA LOOMPA
You made a big mistake, gentlemen.
He pulls a cord. MECHANICAL WINGS UNFOLD from his backpack!
He leaps off the bench seat and soars through the crypt.
He lands by the control panel and examines it.
OOMPA LOOMPA (CONT'D)
You steal from an Oompa Loompa, we
take back a thousand-fold!
He pulls the lever marked EMERGENCY DRAIN.
119 119
INT. CHOCOLATE TANK - DAY
Chocolate starts to DRAIN FROM THE TANK.
It seems to take far too long, but Willy and Noodle finally
break the surface and take an ENORMOUS BREATH OF AIR!
As the chocolate drains, they start being spun around the
vortex of the liquid -- and scream for joy!
NOODLE
What's going on, Willy? What's
happening?
WILLY
It's draining Noodle, we've been
saved!
NOODLE
Who by?
WILLY
Who by? The Little Orange Man, of
course! The Little Orange Man!
Noodle looks up and see the Oompa Loompa in the skylight,
doffing his hat. Astonished, Noodle shrieks with glee.
NOODLE
Thank you, Little Orange Man!
120 120
EXT. CATHEDRAL - DAY
The Cartel emerge from the Cathedral as the Chief finally
arrives in a car.
120.
CHIEF
Gentlemen! Thank goodness you're
alright! I came as fast as I could.
He tries to get out of the car -- but is now so enormously
wide he doesn't quite fit through the door.
CHIEF (CONT'D)
Car shrunk.
SLUGWORTH
Don't you worry, Chief. It's all
under control. Couple of thieves
broke in, but I'm afraid they met
with a little accident.
PRODNOSE
In which they died.
FICKELGRUBER
For once, Prodnose, well said!
WILLY (O.S.)
I wouldn't be so sure about that.
The Chocolatiers and the Chief turn to see Willy and Noodle
standing on the steps, dripping with chocolate.
SLUGWORTH
Wonka!
WILLY
Officer, would you kindly take a
look at this?
Noodle hands the GREEN LEDGER to Officer Affable.
NOODLE
It details every single illegal
payment these men have ever made.
Thousands of them.
Behind them, the Priest sidles out of sight.
CHIEF
Don't listen to her, Affable. She's
lying!
SLUGWORTH
Well of course she is!
Officer Affable's eyes widen as he leafs through the pages.
121.
OFFICER AFFABLE
She's not, sir. She's absolutely
right, it's... incredible.
The Chief tries to take control of the situation.
CHIEF
Oh. Well. Then it sounds like a
case for the Chief of Police. Give
it to me, Affable. I'll take it
from here.
But Officer Affable keeps a tight hold of the book.
OFFICER AFFABLE
I can't do that, I'm afraid, sir.
CHIEF
And why's that?
OFFICER AFFABLE
Your name's in here too. A lot.
Officers move to arrest him. Slugworth, Fickelgruber and
Prodnose sense the game is up.
SLUGWORTH
Gentlemen? Run!
But as they run, something incredible happens. They begin to
FLOAT UP OFF THE GROUND -- just as they did in the Galeria.
They desperately grab at the fountain and cling on to the
frozen water spout.
WILLY
You didn't eat any of those
chocolates did you, Mr Slugworth?
SLUGWORTH
Why?
WILLY
Because they're Hoverchocs. Delayed
action. But extra strong.
Slugworth grabs hold of a jet of frozen water sticking out of
the fountain. Fickelgruber clings to Slugworth's foot and
Prodnose grabs Fickelgruber's. Slugworth growls at Willy.
SLUGWORTH
You think you're so clever, don't
you, Wonka?
(MORE)
122.
SLUGWORTH (CONT'D)
Well there's a billion sovereigns
of chocolate beneath our feet.
We'll get the best lawyers, bribe
the judge, rig the jury if we have
to. We'll be fine.
WILLY
I wish I'd thought of that. Noodle?
Noodle clangs a wrench against a fire hydrant.
121 121
INT. STORM DRAINS - DAY
The camera drops 100ft down through the storm drains to where
Lottie and the workers are waiting for her signal.
LOTTIE BELL
Now!
The workers start to turn a huge valve.
122 122
EXT. CATHEDRAL - DAY
Just then, the GROUND STARTS TO TREMBLE. The Chief's rolls of
fat start to jiggle, then his belt bursts.
The FOUNTAIN in the middle of the square BEGINS TO SHAKE.
The ICICLES of frozen water which have hung from the ends of
its water spouts for years start to CRACK and FALL.
And a RICH, BROWN LIQUID shoots from the water spouts,
sending the Cartel spinning away into the air.
PRODNOSE
What is that?
SLUGWORTH
It's our chocolate!
FICKELGRUBER
All our chocolate!
PRODNOSE
We're ruined!
WILLY
Don't worry, gentlemen! You'll come
down eventually, I think. Probably.
But until then...
123.
He takes various ingredients from his pockets and sleeves and
throws them into the fountain.
The chocolate bubbles and turns a gorgeous colour. Noodle
watches, enchanted, from one side of the Cathedral. The Wash
House gang emerge from an entrance on the other side.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Ladies and gentlemen, Willy Wonka
and friends invite you all to enjoy
our chocolate!!
As the crowd gather around the fountain, the Mistress of the
Keys emerges from the Cathedral, blinking in the sunlight.
She spots the Zoo Security Guard in the crowd.
MISTRESS OF THE KEYS
Basil?!
ZOO SECURITY GUARD
Gwennie!!
They run into each other's arms.
123 123
EXT. TOWN SQUARE - LATER
Willy sits on the steps of the Cathedral watching the whole
world enjoying the rich chocolate flowing from the fountain.
He feels a warmth he hasn't known since his mother was alive.
He reaches into his pocket and takes out the old chocolate
bar, somewhat the worse for wear.
Perhaps, finally, it's time.
He slowly opens the wrapper. And is amazed to see, slipped in
alongside the chocolate, a piece of GOLDEN PAPER.
On it is a message from his mother:
The secret is...
It's not the chocolate that matters.
It's the people you share it with!
Mamma xxx
Willy stares, completely still, his eyes full of tears. Then
he looks up and spots a familiar figure in the crowd.
It's his mother, looking just as she did all those years ago.
She promised she would be with him when he shared chocolate
with the world. And she kept her word.
124.
She smiles at him. He smiles back, overjoyed to see her one
last time -- and finally ready to let her go.
The crowds pass between them, and she disappears forever.
He looks up to see Noodle and the rest of his new friends. He
breaks off a piece of chocolate and hands it to Noodle. She
eats it, and a look of pure joy spreads over her face.
The rest of the workers arrive and he shares the rest of the
chocolate bar with them. A moment of pure happiness.
NOODLE
How does it feel, Willy? Is it as
good as you remember?
WILLY
Every little bit. I wish it could
last forever...
He looks up at the Cathedral clock.
WILLY (CONT'D)
But I guess it's time.
Noodle notices the group are all looking at her excitedly.
NOODLE
Time for what? What's going on?
WILLY
You know how many people called D.
Smith live in the city, Noodle?
ABACUS CRUNCH
A hundred and six.
WILLY
But luckily, you have a friend who
works in the telephone exchange,
and she spent the whole afternoon
ringing around, and guess what?
LOTTIE BELL
We found her.
Noodle is stunned.
NOODLE
You found my Mom?
ABACUS CRUNCH
She works in the library.
125.
PIPER BENZ
It's where she lives.
WILLY
Come on, Noodle.
The Cathedral Clock strikes, its bells sounding out the
familiar first notes of PURE IMAGINATION.
124 124
EXT. UNIVERSITY QUARTER - EVENING
Willy leads Noodle through an academic quadrangle. She stops,
too nervous to go on. Willy turns and sings the song she
taught him.
WILLY
Come with me, and you'll be
In a world of pure imagination!
He leads her towards the ancient library. Noodle stares, a
strange sense of recognition washing over her.
The CHALK DRAWING of the "big old building full of books"
that she talked of in the giraffe house appears on screen
once more. It matches the shape of the library perfectly.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Reach out, touch what was once just
In your imagination.
NOODLE'S MOTHER emerges slowly from inside. She looks around
anxiously, then spots the little girl she thought she'd lost.
Noodle looks to Willy, happy and sad, excited and scared,
unable to process the mess of emotions inside.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Don't be shy, it's alright
If you feel a little trepidation!
Sometimes these things don't need
Explanation!
Noodle walks towards her mother, then stops and looks back.
Willy smiles reassuringly, and she turns once more to Mom.
She starts to run, a smile blooming, then flies into her
mother's arms -- and hugs her as if she'll never let her go.
WILLY (CONT'D)
If you want to see Paradise,
Simply look at them and view it.
Somebody to hold on to -- it's
126.
All we really need
Nothing else to it.
NOODLE
Mom.
The MUSIC CONTINUES as Willy watches Noodle and her mother
turn and go into the library, delighted for his friend, yet
tinged with sadness at what he has lost.
OOMPA LOOMPA (O.S.)
So goes a good deed in a weary
world.
Willy turns to see the Oompa Loompa has appeared.
WILLY
I was wondering if I'd see you
again.
OOMPA LOOMPA
Oh I'm not going anywhere, Willy
Wonka, not til you've paid your
debt. Now I know you tried, but
Loompa Law is very clear on this
subject. Until such time as the
chocolate is physically in my ha--
Willy produces a jar of chocolates and hands it to him. It
rather takes the wind out of the Oompa Loompa's sails.
OOMPA LOOMPA (CONT'D)
Oh thank you.
WILLY
Thank you for saving my life.
OOMPA LOOMPA
Well I suppose that concludes our
business. I now consider your debt
repaid and shall return to my
beloved Loompaland -- where the
cocoa beans grow in disappointingly
small numbers and my friends look
down on me.
WILLY
I thought they called you Lofty?
OOMPA LOOMPA
As a matter of fact I am a quarter
inch below average. They call me
Shorty-pants. Still, good day sir.
127.
He turns and walks away. Willy calls after him.
WILLY
It's a shame you have to go.
OOMPA LOOMPA
I said good day.
WILLY
If I'm going to share my chocolate
with the world, I'll need more than
a shop.
OOMPA LOOMPA
I'm sure you will.
WILLY
I'll need a factory.
OOMPA LOOMPA
Good luck with that!
WILLY
And someone to head up the tasting
department.
The Oompa Loompa stops in his tracks, intrigued.
OOMPA LOOMPA
The tasting department?
Willy starts singing once more, the music growing.
WILLY
Come with me...
OOMPA LOOMPA
Alright.
WILLY
And you'll be...
OOMPA LOOMPA
Where?
125 125
EXT. RUINED CASTLE - EVENING
Willy leads the Oompa Loompa into a ruined castle.
WILLY
In a world of Pure Imagination!
128.
OOMPA LOOMPA
This is a ruined castle.
WILLY
Take a look
And you'll see
Into your imagination!
OOMPA LOOMPA
I very much doubt it.
WILLY
We'll begin
With a spin
Travelling in the world of my creation
What you'll see will defy explanation!
And now the Oompa Loompa starts to see the world through
Willy's eyes. In a time-lapse shot, the walls are repaired
and a great glass roof covers the courtyard.
Willy pulls a lever and a chocolate waterfall spouts from the
wall forming a chocolate river at their feet. It looks, in
short, just as Wonka's Chocolate Room should.
OOMPA LOOMPA
That does defy explanation!
WILLY
If you want to see Paradise,
Simply look around and view it!
Anything you want to, do it!
Want to change the world?
There's nothing to it!
Chocolate grass and flowers sprout from the floor. The Oompa
Loompa picks a flower and uses it as a teacup to sample the
chocolate flowing through the river.
OOMPA LOOMPA
Not bad.
He eats the cup. Willy presses various buttons, sending great
vats of rainbow coloured liquids into a machine which
compresses them into a perfect little chocolate.
WILLY
There is no life I know
That compares with pure imagination!
Living there, you'll be free
If you truly wish to be!
129.
Willy hands the Oompa Loompa the finished chocolate. He tries
it and a look of pure joy crosses his face. He offers his
hand to Willy, who shakes it enthusiastically.
The camera cranes up to the roof as a flock of flamingoes fly
overhead. They pass the wall of the factory on which a neon
sign has appeared. It lights to show the word:
WONKA
As the credits roll, the OOMPA LOOMPA music starts up again.
The Oompa Loompa walks on screen, dragging a trolley on which
sits a machine covered in a cloth.
OOMPA LOOMPA
Oompa Loompa Doompety Doo
I've got a little bonus for you
Sit back down and stay in your seat
For a last Oompa Loompa-y treat!
He whisks away the cloth to reveal a projector. He starts it
up - and film appears rounding up the stories he describes.
OOMPA LOOMPA (CONT'D)
Abacus Crunch returned to his home!
Benz to her friends, Lottie Belle to her phones.
Brave Larry made a triumphant comeback.
One day his ex-wife saw the act!
(Laughed a lot and took him back)
The projection ends and the Oompa Loompa changes the reel.
OOMPA LOOMPA (CONT'D)
Oompa Loompa Doompety Day!
"But what of Mrs Scrubitt and Bleacher," you say.
Give me just a moment or two
And I'll Oompa Loompa show it to you.
He presses the button to make the projector work but it fails
to start. He looks aghast and this unexpected development.
OOMPA LOOMPA (CONT'D)
What the devil? Infernal machine.
He presses different buttons, increasingly frustrated.
OOMPA LOOMPA (CONT'D)
I'll show it to you!
He thumps the machine and it finally starts again.
OOMPA LOOMPA (CONT'D)
There we are. Much better.
130.
The projection shows us Mrs Scrubitt in the Wash House,
planning how to spend her money.
MRS SCRUBITT
Shoes. Face lift. Nose job. Ibiza.
Big old house in the country.
Lingerie.
Bleacher bursts in and locks the door behind him.
BLEACHER
It's the Cartel! They've gone down!
MRS SCRUBITT
Well we didn't do nothin'. Except
poison all those chocolates.
The Police knock at the door. Mrs Scrubitt's eyes widen.
MRS SCRUBITT (CONT'D)
Quick! Drink the evidence.
She produces the crate of poisons they used on Willy's
chocolates and start drinking fast.
Officer Affable hammers on the door.
MRS SCRUBITT (CONT'D)
Just a second, Officer. I'm on the
toilet!
OFFICER AFFABLE
Police! Open Up!
MRS SCRUBITT
One wipe and I'm done. Oh there is
more coming out.
Affable signals to a Constable who SHOULDERS THE DOOR OPEN.
Officer Affable stares, open-mouthed.
Mrs Scrubitt -- bright blue with a long, full beard -- greets
him with a smile. Bleacher has green skin and yellow spots.
AFFABLE
Wow!
MRS SCRUBITT
How can we help you officer?
OFFICER AFFABLE
You two are coming with me.
131.
BLEACHER
But we haven't done anything.
OFFICER AFFABLE
You're going away for a very long
time.
As they're cuffed, Mrs Scrubitt looks longingly at Bleacher.
MRS SCRUBITT
One last kiss, my Lord?
BLEACHER
Oh Puffy-wuff!
One final kiss --- and they're pulled apart.
|
