FUTURAMA
Episode 305
"AMAZON WOMEN IN THE MOOD"
By
Lewis Morton
Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet
[Opening Credits. Caption: Secreted by the Comedy Bee.]
[Planet Express: Meeting Room. The staff are sat around the table
for Hermes' morning meeting. Nibbler licks himself in the middle
of the table.]
HERMES
People, we got a problem: Little Nibbler's
been coughing up hairballs.
LEELA
Well, so has Fry. What's the big deal?
[Nibbler coughs up a huge one. In amongst the green gloop is
a white cane. Fry makes an impressed whistle.]
FRY
He's got me beat!
HERMES
Now well all love Nibbler, so it's only
fair that we all pitch in and clean
it up together. Still, I propose we
make Zoidberg do it. All in favour?
[Everyone except Zoidberg raises their hands.]
LEELA
Yeah!
BENDER
Alright, yup.
HERMES
All opposed? All abstaining?
[Again no one votes. Leela taps Zoidberg on the shoulder.]
LEELA
Dr. Zoidberg? Are you OK?
[He keels over and rests on Fry's shoulder. Fry looks at him.]
FRY
He's dead.
[Everyone gasps.]
BENDER
What?
AMY
Oh no!
FARNSWORTH
He always seemed so full of life. Laughing,
singing, begging for scraps. And now
this.
[He takes off his glasses and cries. The door opens and Zoidberg
walks in wearing a towel. But his body is white-pink and is wobbling
around like lobster jelly.]
ZOIDBERG
Why with all the crying? So that's
where I left my shell.
[He wobbles over to the table. Leela picks up the shell.]
LEELA
I didn't know you could take this thing
off.
ZOIDBERG
It was starting to get a little cramped
in there so I molted, why not? Ah, the
fresh air feels good!
[He wobbles around.]
FARNSWORTH
Stop doing that!
[Zoidberg tucks his shell under his arm.]
ZOIDBERG
So long. I'm off to toss this old shell
in the dumpster and maybe pick up those
potato chips Amy didn't finish yesterday.
AMY
Those were toenail clippings.
ZOIDBERG
A feast is a feast.
[He turns around and leaves. His shell has a huge hole down the
back of it. As he walks out his towel falls off. The sound of
a phone ringing comes from the lounge.]
AMY
Hey, that's my cellphone!
[She runs off.]
[Cut to: Planet Express: Lounge. Amy runs in and picks her tiny
cellphone up off the huge CellMate. She answers.]
AMY
Hello? Hello? Who is this? Hello?
Hello?
[They hang up and she curses. Leela walks in.]
LEELA
What's wrong? Did you swallow your phone
again?
[She sits down.]
AMY
Some guy's been calling and hanging
up 10 times a day for a year.
LEELA
Men who call too much are the worst
... I bet.
AMY
I just wish a decent guy would call
me instead of this spleeze-ball who
has me too terrified to even answer
the phone. Hello?
[The same heavy breathing comes from the other end again.]
[Kif's Quarters. On the Nimbus, Kif sits on his bed holding the
phone and trembling. He tries to say something but just gasps
and stutters.]
AMY
Hello? Is anyone there?
[Kif hangs up.]
KIF
I love you. Why must I be such a coward?
[He cries. Enter Zapp.]
ZAPP
Kif, I'm headed to the men's room and
I'll be needing an attendant so-- Oh,
I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman.
It's alright. I've always thought myself
as a father figure to some of my more
pathetic men. Kif, old friend, let's
rap.
[He sits on Kif's bed. Kif sighs.]
KIF
Well, I'm in love with this girl--
[Zapp bursts out laughing and pats Kif on the back.]
ZAPP
(laughing) Oh, that's rich! (talking)
Go on.
KIF
I met her a year ago...
[Flashback. The Titanic escape pod flies away from the doomed
ship.]
KIF
(voice-over) ...when we were escaping
from that cruise ship you piloted directly
into a black hole.
[Amy and Kif watch from the escape pod as the Titanic is sucked
into the black hole.]
ZAPP
(voice-over; proud) Yes! It was in all
the papers.
[Back on Earth the escape pod has landed outside the Planet Express
building. Bender dumps the Countess De La Roca's fake bracelet
in a bin and walks into the building with the other staff. Amy
kisses Kif and gives him her number.]
AMY
Call me.
[Kif takes the paper and she goes inside. He trembles and gasps
and breathes heavily some more.]
[Flashback ends. Zapp goes along with the story.]
ZAPP
Uh-huh, uh-huh. Mm-hmm, uh-huh.
KIF
I've finished talking, sir.
[Zapp sees something on Kif's wall.]
ZAPP
Belay that remark! Your Amy knows my
Leela? I have formed an idea!
[Nimbus Bridge. Leela is on the viewscreen, Zapp is in his chair
and Kif hides behind it. Amy walks in behind Leela.]
ZAPP
I'm calling to negotiate a double date.
You and me, Kif and Amy.
LEELA
Forget it.
[Cut to: Planet Express: Meeting Room. She turns away from the
screen.]
ZAPP
Then let the negotiations begin. I
propose we go out on 10 dates.
LEELA
How about zero?
ZAPP
Nine.
LEELA
Zero.
[Cut to: Nimbus Bridge.]
ZAPP
Seven.
[Cut to: Planet Express: Meeting Room.]
LEELA
Zero.
ZAPP
Eight?
[Amy leans down at Leela's side.]
AMY
(whispering) Please, Leela? Kif's like
the sweetest guy who's ever liked me.
ZAPP
Five, and that's my final offer ...
four.
[Leela sighs.]
LEELA
One.
ZAPP
Two.
LEELA
One half.
[Cut to: Nimbus Bridge.]
ZAPP
I'll take it.
[Cut to: Planet Express: Meeting Room.]
ZAPP
We'll meet you tonight for part of
dinner and the first half of a movie.
[He hangs up and Amy grins.]
[Le Palm D'Orbit Coat Check. Le Palm D'Orbit is a restaurant
orbiting a big, green planet. The main part of the restaurant
looks like the Encounter Restaurant at Los Angeles airport. A
centipede-like alien leaves his coat at the coat check which
charges a 25 cent surcharge for every sleeve over nine. Zapp
walks in wearing his formal off-white DOOP uniform. Kif wears
a tie and jacket over his regular velour uniform and carries
some flowers and a box of chocolates.]
KIF
Um, sir? I don't go out on many dates
and, um, what if I can't think of anything
to say?
ZAPP
Here's my personal book of pickup lines.
Say as many of them as you can as fast
as you can. Don't stop for any reason.
KIF
Maybe I'll just give her these flowers.
[Zapp takes them and hits Kif with them.]
ZAPP
Wrong, wrong, wrong! And what's that?
Candy? Candy's for dorks! Give me that.
Mmm!
[Le Palm D'Orbit. The restaurant pilot is also the maitre d'.
He takes his hands off the wheel to hand some people a menu.
Amy and Leela are already at the table. Amy wears a light blue
dress and Leela wears her black jacket. Zapp and Kif arrive.]
ZAPP
Hello, beautiful. I got these for you.
[He hands her Kif's flowers and sits down.]
LEELA
Thanks.
[She sets fire to them and puts them in Zapp's glass of water.]
ZAPP
Well, well. This looks to be one disturbingly
erotic date.
LEELA
Half-date.
ZAPP
Waiter, bring us a bottle of wine.
LEELA
Half-bottle.
ZAPP
And some oysters on the half-shell.
LEELA
Quarter-shell.
KIF
Oh, and I'd like--
[Zapp puts his hand over Kif's mouth.]
ZAPP
Kif's not hungry. (quietly) Kif, this
place is expensive. (talking) I'd like
two steaks and the ladies will have
some very sensual salads -- with low-cal
sensual dressing.
[Amy smiles at Kif and he giggles.]
[Time Lapse. It's Kareoke Night at the restaurant and Morbo sings
Lipps Inc's Funkytown.]
MORBO
(singing) Oh, won't you take me to funkytown,
Oh, won't you take me to funkytown.
[The song ends and the audience applauds.]
(talking) Thank you.
[At the table the meals have arrived.]
AMY
Kif, you're so quiet. You haven't said
a word all night.
KIF
Well, um, um ... hello.
AMY
'Cause I was really hoping we could
talk and stuff.
[Kif stutters and gasps then drinks a glass of wine and takes
out Zapp's book. Zapp smirks and picks his teeth with a toothpick.]
KIF
Amy, (reading) if I said you had a beautiful
body would you take your pants off and
dance around a little?
AMY
What?!
LEELA
Lieutenant Kroker!
[Zapp winks at Kif and gives a thumbs up. Kif gasps and reads
some more.]
KIF
(reading) I find the most erotic part
of the woman is the boobies
AMY
Kif!
KIF
Oh, my!
[Leela stands up.]
LEELA
This half-date is entirely over. Amy?
Conference!
[They walk away and Kif groans.]
KIF
Is there nothing we can do, sir?
ZAPP
There's only one sure-fire way back
into a woman's heart and parts beyond.
I speak of course, of kareoke.
KIF
(determined) My years in the DOOP Boys'
Chorus will not have been in vain!
[Cut to: Le Palm D'Orbit Women's Room. Leela and Amy apply lipstick
with a handy device that doesn't touch their lips.]
LEELA
Alright, enough lipstick. Let's storm
out.
[Cut to: Le Palm D'Orbit. They walk out of the women's room and
notice Kif starting to sing Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse Of The
Heart.]
KIF
(singing) Once upon a time I was falling
in love,
But now I'm only falling apart...
AMY
Oh, that's so emotional!
KIF
(singing) ...There's nothing I can do,
A total eclipse of the heart--
[Zapp walks onto the stage and pushes Kif aside. Kif drops the
mic and Zapp catches it and spins it around.]
ZAPP
Amateur hour's over. Let me show you
why they call me "The Velour Fog"! Hit
it!
[The jukebox changes to some different music. Zapp smokes a cigarette
and starts singing The Kinks' Lola.]
(spoken-word) I met her in a club down in old Soho,
Where you drink champagne and it tastes just like Coca-Cola,
C-O-L-A .. .Cola.
MAN
Aw, give us a break!
WOMAN
Get off!
CHEF
He sickens me!
ZAPP
(spoken-word) She walked up to me and
she asked me to dance,
I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said
(singing) Leela!
L-E-E-L-A, Leela!
Lee-Lee-Lee-Lee-Leela!
Ba-ba-ba-dum-ba-dum-bum!
[People get out of their seats and run around screaming.]
Leelaaa!
[He breaks the glass and a man presses a button for the emergency
escape pods. People spill into them.]
[Cut to: Outside Le Palm D'Orbit. The escape pods eject and fly
off into space.]
[Cut to: Le Palm D'Orbit. Zapp finishes singing. The restaurant
is deserted.]
LEELA
We're going home. Call us a space taxi.
ZAPP
No need. There's not a restaurant built
I can't fly. Where to, ladies?
KIF
Please, sir. Let's just divide up the
check and--
[Zapp starts pressing buttons on the steering controls.]
ZAPP
Let's see what this eatery can do.
[Cut to: Outside Le Palm D'Orbit. The headlights and indicators
flash, the windscreen wipers swish back and forth and windows
open and close. The restaurant blasts forwards and knocks a few
ships away from the car park.]
[Cut to: Le Palm D'Orbit.]
ZAPP
Ah, she's built like a steakhouse, but
she handles like a bistro. She's out
of control!
[Cut to: Outside Le Palm D'Orbit.]
ZAPP
(from inside) You win again, gravity!
[Everyone screams as the restaurant tumbles towards the green
planet.]
[Planet Express: Lounge. The next day, Fry, Bender and Hermes
sit watching TV. Zoidberg walks in still without a shell and
carrying a purple J. Crab catalogue.]
ZOIDBERG
Look what arrived: My new shell catalogue.
So let's try some on already! Ah! Muy
macho! Hey, gringos! Here comes El Zoido
to ruin your drinking water!
[He points claws at them like guns and imitates gunfire.]
BENDER
Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm Mexican and I
find that offensive.
[He opens his chest cabinet. "Hecho En Mexico" is etched on the
inside of his door. He closes it and it falls off.]
ZOIDBERG
You Latins are so hot-blooded! This
one's like a summer guy!
[He turns around revealing his lobster ass.]
HERMES
Look, you fat fish. The Planet Express
health plan only covers one kind of
replacement shell.
[He changes the shell to a simple white shell with a barcode
and "Shell" printed on it. Zoidberg groans and Hermes closes
the catalogue. Zoidberg wobbles out towards the meeting room.]
FRY
I can't believe Leela and Amy aren't
back yet from their half-date. I'm gonna
call the restaurant.
[He picks up the phone and dials Le Palm D'Orbit. The dial tone
changes to the "unavailable" beeps.]
OPERATOR
The number you have dialled has crashed
into a planet. Please make a note of
it.
[Fry and Bender gasp. Fry gets up.]
FRY
We gotta go rescue them!
BENDER
Eh, I don't know.
FRY
Bender! Think of the señoritas!
[Bender leaps up.]
BENDER
Vámonos!
[Planet Surface. Kif, Amy, Zapp and Leela sit amid the burning
wreckage of Le Palm D'Orbit.]
KIF
So, Amy, um, well--
AMY
It's always a line with you!
LEELA
What planet is this anyway?
ZAPP
(mumbling) I 'unno. (talking) This whole
sector is uncharted.
KIF
It is not uncharted, you lost the chart!
ZAPP
Well, nothing to do now but repopulate
the human race. Just me and you! (whispering)
And maybe you.
[Crashing sounds come from the woods around them and the ground
starts to shake.]
AMY
What is it?
[She looks at the water in her cup which ripples like the glass
of water in Jurassic Park. Leela watches a puddle ripple and
it gives the impression that she has two eyes. Zapp's gut jiggles.
They all tremble and hide behind a piece of wreckage. Growling
comes from the woods and a huge foot stomps on the group's campfire.
The foot belongs to a huge woman -- an Amazonian. Her name is
Kug and she has a blue hairdo and wears very little. Two others
are with her: Ornik, a darker Amazonian with dreads and Tonk,
a blonde.]
KUG
Me hear people. But me not see people.
THOG
No big deal. Everybody make mistake.
[They turn to leave. Leela gestures for Amy and Kif to keep quiet.
Zapp peers over the top of the wreckage with a big grin on his
face. He turns on the charm.]
ZAPP
Well, hello! I usually don't say this
but you are the most beautiful trio
of gigantic ladies I've ever laid eyes
on. (reading) I find the most erotic
part of a woman is the boo--
[Kug grabs him by the head and drags him away. Ornik drags Kif
by his feet and Tonk carries Amy and Leela over her shoulders.]
[The Planet Express ship flies erratically towards Amazonia.]
[Cut to: Ships Cockpit. Bender runs around panicking while Fry
steers wildly and presses random buttons. Alarms wail.]
[Cut to: Amazonia Surface. The ship flies towards the smoking
wreckage of Le Palm D'Orbit and smacks down onto the ground,
the landing gear lowering just a little too late. Fry and Bender
run down the steps and see the wreckage.]
FRY
Oh, no! Any sign of Leela or Amy?
BENDER
No. But what do you make of this?
[He picks up a giant hairclip.]
FRY
I don't know. But it might have something
to do with this.
[He holds up a huge can of Tab.]
[Time Lapse. Bender peers through some huge grass blades and
gasps.]
BENDER
Oh, your God!
[Fry looks through the grass. In front of them several Amazonians
have gathered. Kug, Thog and Ornik lead Amy, Leela, Zapp and
Kif into a ring at the front of the crowd. Around them is an
Amazonian city, with buildings made of wood and straw.]
KUG
Move! Go!
FRY
Alright, here's the plan--
[Something grunts.]
BENDER
What kind of moronic plan is that?
Wow!
[The Amazonian hits them with her club.]
[Time Lapse. Fry and Bender are in chains with Zapp and Kif.
Leela and Amy are freed.]
THOG
Women go free. Men stay in chains.
ORNIK
We take them to our leader. She know
what do.
FRY
Pfft. A female leader?
LEELA
Fry, shut up.
FRY
Yes, captain!
[Amazonian City. The Amazonians lead Leela, Amy and the prisoners
past the buildings.]
THOG
This capital city planet Amazonia.
LEELA
Where are all the men in your society?
ORNIK
Men die out many year ago.
BENDER
With all these women around they were
probably nagged to death. Are you with
me, fellas?
[He, Zapp and Fry laugh. The women glare at them and they suddenly
stop laughing.]
[Outside Basketball Pitch. The group watch a woman bounce a basketball.]
THOG
Here stadium, where our women basketball
teams play.
KUG
We no can dunk, but good fundamentals.
ORNIK
That more fun to watch.
[Zapp, Fry and Bender laugh.]
ZAPP
(laughing) Oh, God, you're killing me!
Ow! God, you're killing me!
[Outside The Drollery Domicile.]
THOG
This our comedy club. Humour here funny
in different way.
ORNIK
It not reinforce stereotypes.
KUG
Comedy come from character, real situations.
Not abstract craziness.
BENDER
Translation: Boring! (laughing) That's
a good one! Ow!
AMY
This women-only planet is sounding better
and better.
LEELA
I'm already looking for apartments.
[She looks through a free "Westside Cave Rentals" brochure.]
[Outside Femputer Temple. The stone temple has a woman's face
carved into it and smoking boobies.]
THOG
Here live vengeful, all-knowing leader.
She decide men's fate.
FRY
Is she hot?
THOG
That not important. She all-knowing.
FRY
In other words, "No". Ow!
[Femputer Temple. Leela, Amy and the Amazonians and their prisoners
walk into the dimly-lit building. Amazonians stand around the
room. Three Amazonians bow before a wall and the wall turns around
revealing a huge piece of technology with dials and flickering
lights.]
THOG
(chanting) All hail Femputer.
KUG AND ORNIK
(chanting) All hail Femputer.
AMY
You all obey a big computer?
KUG
Yes. It appear mysteriously just about
time men die out.
LEELA
So why did you make it your leader?
ORNIK
It seemed like different kind of politician.
KUG
Not beltway insider.
[Thog holds something up to the Femputer.]
THOG
Femputer, we bring offering of bath
beads and scented soaps.
FEMPUTER
Your gift pleases Femputer. Femputer
demands to know why there are men on
her planet.
FRY
It was an accident, ma'am.
FEMPUTER
That does not fempute. Femputer will
return after deciding your punishment.
[She spins around out of sight.]
[Time Lapse. Kif, Zapp, Fry and Bender are shackled to the wall.]
FRY
Leela, I'm through making fun of women.
Now I want them to help me.
AMY
Should we do something?
[Ornik chokes Fry with a strap.]
LEELA
There's no hurry.
[Kug tightens the strap around Zapp's neck.]
ZAPP
Yes! A little tighter. Tighter. Perhaps
a hard spanking is in order? Too hard!
[She turns to Amy and Leela.]
KUG
Men strange. You have them on your planet?
LEELA
(ashamed) I'm afraid so.
KUG
What they for? Oh, you mean "snu-snu".
[The other Amazonians murmur.]
THOG
We hear tell men used for snu-snu. But
all we have go on are ancient legend
and subscription to Cosmo.
ZAPP
Just FYI, I could be used for snu-snu.
THOG
Silence. You want die like last men
visit Amazonia?
FRY
What'd they die of?
KUG
Crushed pelvises.
[In the corner some happy little skeletons lie against the wall
with broken pelvises. One enjoyed himself so much he is still
holding the cigarette.]
FRY
Yes!
ZAPP
Oh, thank you, Lord in heaven!
[The Femputer returns.]
FEMPUTER
After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer,
have decided the fate of the men. Femputer
sentences them to death. By snu-snu!
FRY
(cheering) Yay!
ZAPP
(cheering) Yeah! (talking) What are
you, gay?
FEMPUTER
Death to the men. Death by snu-snu.
[The prisoners whimper.]
FRY
Although the snu-snu part's gonna be
pretty good.
ZAPP
Baby, it'll blow your mind.
LEELA
Femputer, be reasonable. Sure men are
annoying and they wreck up whatever
planet they're in charge of. But most
of these men are sorta my friends. They
don't deserve to die.
FEMPUTER
Hmm. Perhaps men are not as evil as
Femputer thinks.
THOG
But they make fun women's basketball.
FEMPUTER
What?! Did you explain how the women's
good fundamentals make up for their
inability to dunk?
ORNIK
Yes. They still laugh.
FEMPUTER
The men must die.
BENDER
Too true, Femputer. You're so wise.
Kill 'em all, I say. Good riddance!
Did I mention I'm not a man? I'm a manbot.
It's an understandable mistake. You
can let me down now, thanks.
KUG
He big jerk like man.
BENDER
I sure am. But check the crotch. Nothing.
FEMPUTER
Very well, release him. As for the others,
take them to the snu-snu chambers.
[Kif's jaw drops in fear followed by Zapp's and Fry's. Zapp and
Fry change to happy smiling, then back to fear, then happy, then
fear...]
[Outside Snu-Snu Chambers. The Amazonians carry Fry, Kif and
Zapp towards the snu-snu chambers under the moonlit sky.]
[Snu-Snu Chambers. Fry, Zapp and Kif stand in their underpants
with their hands tied behind them and their feet bound. Several
Amazonians have gathered to watch along with Amy, Leela and Bender.]
BENDER
(crying) I'll miss you, meatbag.
LEELA
Me too, meatbag.
FRY
Goodbye, friends. I never thought I
would die like this. But I'd always
really hoped.
[Femputer gives instructions over the Sonya loudspeaker.]
AMAZONIANS
(chanting) Snu-snu, snu-snu, snu-snu!
[Thog starts untying Kif's hands.]
KIF
Amy. Before I die, I have to tell you:
I didn't mean to say those awful things
on our date. They were all Zapp's idea.
AMY
Really? Honest and true?
KIF
Yes. And-And that person calling and
hanging up, was me. I was just too nervous
to say hello because I love you.
AMY
Oh, Kif!
THOG
It Thog's first time. Be gentle!
[She flings him over her shoulder and walks into the snu-snu
chamber. Ornik and Kug drag Fry and Zapp into two other chambers.]
LEELA
We've got to do something. Bender, maybe
you can interface with the Femputer
and reprogram it to let them go.
BENDER
Maybe you can interface with my ass.
By biting it! Alright, I'll go!
[He walks off mocking Amy's curse. Ornik and Kug walk out of
the chambers and two new women walk in. Fry and Zapp groan from
inside then cheer.]
FRY
(from inside) Ooh! Yeah!
ZAPP
(from inside) Oh, baby!
[They groan and scream again.]
[Outside Femputer Temple. Bender runs up one side and hides behind
one of the stone boobies. Two guards sit on the steps.]
GUARD #1
How Tonk look?
GUARD #2
Tonk look good. Me fat.
GUARD #1
No, you look good. Tonk fat.
[Bender mocks them with the yack-yack gesture. They walk down
the steps and Bender sneaks inside.]
[Cut to: Femputer Temple. The Femputer is facing outwards.]
FEMPUTER
Intruder! Stay away from the mighty
Femputer! Guards!
BENDER
Time to override the CPU and reprogram
this Femputer.
[He takes out a pipe and starts hitting the Femputer.]
FEMPUTER
Hey, whoa, whoa! Stop it! Stop it! Hey,
cut that out!
[A panel falls down revealing a hollow section of the Femputer
with a bed, a curtain and lots of levers. Also a Fembot.]
FEMBOT
Cease hitting Femputer!
[She turns around and sees Bender and screams.]
BENDER
You're no Femputer, you're a Fembot!
FEMBOT
(ashamed) It's true. I disguised myself
as a Femputer so I could rule the Amazonians.
BENDER
But why?
FEMBOT
Why? Why? I came here from a faraway
planet. A planet ruled by a chauvinistic
Manputer that was really a Manbot. Have
you any idea how it feels to be a Fembot
living in a Manbot's Manputer's world?
BENDER
What?
FEMBOT
And now, my meddling Manbot, there's
the question of what to do with you!
[She narrows her eyes and moves towards him. He backs away, waving
his arms and panicking.]
[Snu-Snu Chambers. The Amazonians are queued up waiting for their
snu-snu. Fry and Zapp walk out, gasping.]
ZAPP
(gasping) We need rest. The spirit is
willing but the flesh is spongy and
bruised.
ORNIK
It time snu-snu!
FRY
Can't we just cuddle? (screaming) Nooo!
[She carries him inside. Kug picks up Zapp. He groans and she
takes him in.]
LEELA
We can't wait for Bender. It's time
for a woman's touch. Yah! Hi-yah! Yah,
yah yah!
[An Amazonian picks her up by her ponytail, throws her on the
floor and sits on her. Amy walks past on stilts. She has put
a bone through her hair and torn her dress.]
AMY
(disguised, deeper voice) Me next snu-snu.
Out me way.
[She walks into a snu-snu chamber.]
[Cut to: Kif's Snu-Snu Chamber. Thog looks under a bed.]
THOG
Where go beautiful man? Me want snu-snu!
[She pokes him with a broom and he runs around the ceiling, his
hands and feet sticking to it. Amy walks in. She sees Kif and
Thog and gasps. She jumps off the stilts and holds out her arms.]
AMY
Kif! Jump!
[He lands in her arms.]
KIF
My hero!
[They kiss and run.]
[Outside Femputer Temple. Amy runs past the steps still carrying
Kif with the Amazonians chasing her.]
THOG
(shouting) Me not get snu-snu! Get him!
[They chase her around the side of the temple. Ornik, Kug and
another group of Amazonians block her path. She gasps and ducks
through a crack in the wall.]
[Cut to: Femputer Temple. Amy runs towards the Femputer and the
Amazonians run in and corner her. Thog gets on her knees in front
of the Femputer.]
THOG
Mighty Femputer. Small girl steal green
kissy man. We kill her now?
FEMBOT
(from inside) Come back later. Leave
me alone.
BENDER
(from inside) Yeah, get lost! (spookily)
Ooh! I'm a scary Femputer. Release the
prisoners! (from inside) And bring
gold. Lots of gold.
THOG
Gold? Why Femputer want gold?
FEMBOT
(from inside) You heard the man.
[They giggle again. Amy and Kif smile and walk out.]
BENDER
(from inside) C'mon! Gimmie some of
that!
[Planet Express: Lounge. Hermes and Zoidberg stand at the water
cooler.]
ZOIDBERG
And that's how I got my new shell. It
looks just like the shell I threw out
yesterday and I found it in the same
dumpster, but this one had a live raccoon
inside. Pretty good story, eh, Hermes?
HERMES
Stick to someone else, you windy barnacle¬
[Leela, Bender and Farnsworth sat at the table.]
LEELA
It's funny how the battle of the sexes
was only resolved when a Manbot and
a Fembot realised they loved each other.
BENDER
Yeah. By the way, if she calls, I'm
not here. All I know is this gold says
that was the best mission ever!
[He closes his door. Inside and on the table are big bars of
gold. On the couch Kif yawns and puts his arm around Amy. She
giggles.]
AMY
It sure was.
[Fry and Zapp stand nearby in body casts and leaning on crutches.]
FRY
Oh, yeah!
ZAPP
I had snu-snu!
KIF
So, um, Amy, w-what do you wanna do
now?
[Amy whispers something in his ear and smiles. He gasps and stutters.]
THE END
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