FUTURAMA
Episode 509
"THE STING"
By
Patric M. Verrone
Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet
[Opening Credits. Caption: A By-Product Of The TV Industry.]
[Planet Express: Hangar. Bender and Fry prepare for a game of
Virtual Golf. Bender is all kitted out in golf gear. He takes
his club from Fry and puts the ball on the tee.]
BENDER
A hush comes over the crowd. The only
sound is Bender calling everyone else
a jerk and he swings! And he slices
it into the water, oh man!
[He plugs himself into the game and appears on the screen. He
jumps into the lake. Enter Hermes and Farnsworth.]
FARNSWORTH
Bad news everyone. You're not good enough
to go on your next mission.
FRY
Hooray!
BENDER
Not good enough!
[They high-five. Leela descends from above in a harness.]
LEELA
Why? Says who?
FARNSWORTH
Because. And says me. It's an extremely
dangerous mission that killed my last
crew. And you're not nearly as good
as them.
FRY
Woohoo!
BENDER
We live to suck another day!
[They both do a happy dance. Leela disconnects Bender from the
game.]
LEELA
We're just as good as any of those crews
you sent to their deaths. What's the
mission?
FARNSWORTH
Collecting honey. Ordinary honey.
LEELA
That doesn't sound so dangerous.
FARNSWORTH
This is no ordinary honey. It's produced
by vicious space bees. A single sting
of their hideous neuro-toxin can cause
instant death!
HERMES
And that's if you're not allergic! You
don't wanna know what happens then,
oh no no, God no!
FARNSWORTH
Your insides will boil out of your eye
sockets like a science fair volcano!
HERMES
I didn't want to know1
[He bursts into tears.]
FARNSWORTH
These bees are larger than most Buicks
and twice as ugly!
FRY
Larger than an American sedan? How
big is the honey comb?
HERMES
Honey comb's big. Yeah yeah yeah.
BENDER
It's not small?
HERMES
No no no.
LEELA
It'll take more than deadly deadly bees
to keep us from doing our job. Come
on boys!
FRY
But Leela we're no good!
LEELA
Listen, I'm scared too. But I'm more
scared of disappointing myself.
FRY
I'm not scared of that at all!
[She pushes him towards the ship.]
[Ship's Cockpit. The ship flies towards the space beehive and
lands just inside. Swarms of bees fly past with their space pollen.
Leela paints yellow and black stripes on Bender.]
LEELA
Now bees communicate by dancing.
FRY
Like my parents. Oh wait, that was hitting!
LEELA
So this language cartridge will let
you distract them.
[She installs the cartridge into the slot in the back of Bender's
head.]
BENDER
Ah good! I always have thoughts and
feelings that can only be expressed
through dance! (in bee) You stink! Bender's
great! Deal with it!
[He laughs.]
[Beehive. Leela and Fry are wearing the red spacesuits and they
make their way into the hive carrying a long hose. A bee flies
in front of them and they gasp.]
LEELA
Bender quick! Waggle something!
[As Bender talks Fry and Leela make their escape.]
BENDER (IN BEE)
Hello fellow bees. How's the abdomen?
Swollen with nectar I trust?
BEE (IN BEE)
Duh!
[Time Lapse. The crew get closer to the centre of the hive.]
FRY
Leela let's turn back. There's absolutely
no shame in wussing out.
LEELA
Relax, everything'll be fine!
[They look up and see a ship caked in honey. It has a familiar
logo on the tail.]
FRY
Oh my God! The old Planet Express ship!
LEELA
There's the black box!
[She picks it up and plays it.]
MAN [ON TAPE]
Captain, the bees have us surrounded!
Oh the Professor was right, we're not
as good as his old crew!
CAPTAIN [ON TAPE]
Well I aim to prove him wrong! It'll
take more than a few deadly deadly bees
to - Oh Lord!
[He screams some more and Leela switches the tape off.]
LEELA
Uh, couldn't make that out. Too much
static!
[Fry and Bender aren't so sure.]
[Time Lapse. The crew crawl into part of the honey comb. It drips
with honey.]
BENDER
Ew!
[They arrive at the end of the tunnel and gasp.]
LEELA
We found it! The honey comb hideout!
[Time Lapse. Leela puts the hose into a river of honey and the
hose sucks it up. Fry looks at something else.]
FRY
Hey what's this goop?
LEELA
Royal jelly. They feed it to the queen.
FRY
Bees make honey and jelly? Huh. How
come nothing humans make taste good?
Help! I can't swim in jelly as far
as I know!
[Leela pulls him out.]
LEELA
Look! It's a baby queen! Aww she's
so cute! You adorable wittle itty bitty
fuzzy wuzzy -
FRY
Leela! Stop bonding and lets go! I got
jelly in my underpants!
LEELA
I'm taking this bee with us. With queen
we can build a hive and make more honey
ourselves. Let me just pack her a lunch
and we'll go.
[She dips a jar into the jelly.]
BENDER (IN BEE)
Pick up the pace lady! I'm sick of shaking
my booty for these fat jerks! I didn't
mean you're all fat. Just fatso there.
[He points at a fat bee.]
BEES (IN BEE)
He insulted our fat queen!
QUEEN (IN BEE)
You try keeping your figure after 10,000
kids!
[The bees dive at the crew. They duck. Bender runs away. The
queen tries to sting him. Bender grabs a hold of her sting. She
shakes him around.]
LEELA
This is where we distinguish ourselves
from the last crew. Activate emergency
high speed self contained escape pack
crisis response unit! Quick!
[She flies off with a jet pack. Fry turns his on but he is wearing
it the wrong way and flies off upside down. The bees chase him
and Leela. Fry hits the sides of the honey comb on the way through
the tunnels and Bender hangs onto the queen's sting screaming.
Leela dodges a bee and it hits the comb and explodes.
[Cut to: Outside Ship. Leela and Fry fly towards it.]
LEELA
Good luck Bender!
[They fly through the cargo bay hatch.]
[Cut to: Ship's Cargo Bay. Leela closes the hatch.]
[Cut to: Outside Ship. The ship tries to take off but the honey
holds it down. The queen prepares her sting.]
[Cut to: Ship's Cargo Bay. Her sting comes through with Bender
on the end.]
BENDER
I'm back baby!
[Cut to: Outside Ship. The cargo bay hatch closes, the queen
falls from the ship and they take off. The bees sting the ship
and dent it. The ship speeds away from the hive, blowing the
bees back.]
[Ship's Cockpit. Fry cheers and Leela puts the baby queen in
a little pet basket.]
FRY
We made it! We're alive!
LEELA
Burn on that old crew! The only things
they did better than us were suck and
die!
FRY
Leela we got lucky this time but you
should be more careful. I don't want
anything to happen to you.
LEELA
Thanks, but I can look out for myself.
Frankly I can smell danger a mile away.
[The bee unfolds it's sting.]
FRY
Look out! You want her you'll have
to go through me.
[The bee goes through Fry and he and Leela fall to the floor.
The bee writhes around on the floor, dying. Bender quickly throws
it into the airlock and jettisons it. It floats away into space
and a space truck hits it. Leela looks where the sting hit her.]
LEELA
You call that a wound? That's a boo
boo top! But thanks for trying to save
me Fry! Fry? He's...he's dead.
[She and Bender kneel beside him.]
BENDER (CRYING)
Who will make Bender waffles just the
way he likes them now?
[Orbitting Meadows National Cemetery. Fry's funeral has begun.
He is in an open casket. Mourners that include Leo and Inez Wong
and two Trisolians pay their respects to him. Leela cries.]
LEELA (CRYING)
It was all my fault! He died because
of me!
FARNSWORTH
No no no no no no no. I'm lying to
make her feel better.
[Leela cries more.]
[Time Lapse. Hermes and LaBarbara pay their respects to Fry.
Hermes puts piece of burning paper on the coffin.]
LABARBARA
Husband, can't you go anywhere without
lighting something up?
HERMES
It's an old Jamaican accounting tradition.
We burn his timecard. That way his zombie
doesn't come back looking for his final
paycheque.
[They leave and Amy and Zoidberg stand beside Fry.]
AMY
He looks so natural. It's funny to think
he's clammed full of sawdust and preservatives.
ZOIDBERG
I only wish I could have removed the
stinger.
[They look at Fry's body, the huge sting sticks out of him.]
[Time Lapse. Father Changstein el Gamahl of the First Amalgamated
Church begins the eulogy.]
PRIEST
I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman
I have no problem telling his most intimate
friends all about him.
[The congregation cries.]
HERMES
Soothe us with sweet lies.
PRIEST
It may comfort you to know that Fry's
death took only 15 seconds. Yet the
pain was so intense that it felt to
him like 15 years. And it goes without
saying that it caused him to empty his
bowels. We now commend Fry's body to
the ages.
[The coffin turns around and is ejected into space. Scruffy plays
Walking On Sunshine on the bagpipes.]
AMY
He's walking on sunshine now.
FARNSWORTH
This makes me the oldest member of my
family.
[He cries and hugs Bender.]
AMAZONIAN
Him do good snu-snu.
[Behind her the radiator from the Miss Universe pageant, Petunia,
the girl from The Hip Joint, Morgan Proctor and Michelle aren't
so sure.]
BENDER
All those times I said "Kill all humans"
I'd always whisper "except one." And
Fry was that one. And I never told him
so.
[He cries and hugs Farnsworth. Terry does his swooshy coat thing.]
TERRY (DRAMATICALLY)
Farewell from the world of tomorrow!
[Leela's Bedroom. She tickles Nibbler and wipes her eye with
half a hanky. She puts the other half on her bedside table and
sees the jar of honey.]
LEELA (CRYING)
They say a spoonful of space honey helps
ease the pain. It's good. I feel funny.
Haha funny!
[She laughs and then faints.]
[Leela's Dream. Leela floats towards Fry's coffin and it opens.]
FRY
Leela?
LEELA
Fry? I thought you were dead.
FRY
Nope, I'm better than ever. Before the
accident I couldn't do this!
[He sticks his hand through the sting wound.]
LEELA
Impressive! But it does sorta support
my You-Are-Dead theory.
FRY
Then I'll prove I'm alive! By telling
you something only I could know. There's
a surprise for you in my locker. I got
it at a Swedish novelty shop before
we left.
[Behind him his locker appears. He opens the door and pulls out
a gift-wrapped box and hands it to Leela. She gasps.]
LEELA
It's too beautiful to open! Can I open
it?
FRY
Sure. There's just one thing I want
you to.
LEELA
What?
FRY
I want you to wake up.
LEELA
Wake up? But I'm not -
[Cut to: Leela's Bedroom. She wakes up. It's the middle of the
night. Nibbler rolls of the bed.]
[Planet Express: Locker Area. The crew sans Bender are gathered
around Fry's locker.]
LEELA
In my dream Fry said he hid a gift for
me in my locker. If it's true then he
must still exist in some form.
FARNSWORTH
Oh course he still exists. As a frozen
corpse in outer space! Oh, I made myself
sad.
LEELA
Well, here goes.
[She opens the locker. It is empty. The crew sigh.]
ZOIDBERG
Bupkiss!
[Enter Bender counting some cash and whistling.]
BENDER
Well, I feel better now. Pawning all
the stuff in Fry's locker helped give
me closure.
LEELA
Was there anything in there that might
have been a gift for me?
BENDER
No. Nothing. Not at all. No way José!
Here it is.
LEELA
You took this from Fry's locker?
BENDER
Hey the guy's dead! There's no law against
grave robbing!
[Leela opens the gift. It's a squeezy toy.]
LEELA
That proves it. Fry is alive somewhere
and he's reaching me in my dreams.
FARNSWORTH
Bullpies!
[Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. He helps Leela onto a table.]
FARNSWORTH
Lay down here and we'll do some tests.
If Fry is out there then Leela's brain
could be acting as a five pound ouija
board.
[Leela lies back on the table.]
LEELA
Is this some sort of brain scanner?
FARNSWORTH
Some sort yes. In France it's called
a "guillotine."
[He pulls a lever. Leela gasps and jumps out of the way, narrowly
missing the blade.]
LEELA
Professor! Can't you examine my brain
without removing it?
FARNSWORTH
Yes. Easily.
[He scans her brain with a small scanner thing.]
BENDER
Hey, what if Fry wasn't actually dead
when we buried him? Y'know like Julia
Roberts?
FARNSWORTH
Well I suppose there's a slim - I don't
believe it!
LEELA
What is it? Is Fry alive in some other
dimension or something?
FARNSWORTH
No. According to this gizmometer, Fry
is dead and nothing can bring him back!
Remarkable.
LEELA
But, my dream. Your science can't unprove
that! How could I have know the gift
was in Fry's locker?
HERMES
Easy! He told you about it before he
died! And your grief roasted mind blocked
it out.
LEELA
Are you saying I'm going crazy?
FARNSWORTH
No no, no one's saying that! But I'm
certainly thinking it loudly.
[Leela's Bedroom. She tosses and turns in her sleep.]
[Cut to: Leela's Dream. Back in space Fry appears to her like
the Cheshire Cat, just his hair and mouth.]
FRY
Hi Leela! I'm just gonna keep talking,
even if you can't hear me. Blah blah
blah, blah blah blah blah blah.
LEELA
Shut up, I can hear you. The Professor
says you're just a dream.
[Fry appears fully.]
FRY
Oh yeah? Could a dream take you dancing
in an illusion garden?
LEELA
Well yes, technically. It's still very
sweet of you.
FRY
Then what if we shared a sleigh ride
across the ice fields of Hiperia?
[The dream changes to an icy landscape. Fry and Leela are pulled
along in a sleigh by a woolly mammoth. Fry hands Leela a mug
and tears open a packet of cocoa.]
LEELA
Oh Fry you must be alive! I've never
been treated so romantically by my own
imagination before!
FRY
Here, take my jacket. You look a little
cold.
LEELA
Thank you. It's all so beautiful I forgot
how many hundreds of degrees zero it
must be. I just wish I could convince
the others you're alive.
FRY
You can. All you have to do is wake
up.
LEELA
No no! Don't say that! This is real!
[Cut to: Leela's Bedroom. She wakes up and sends Nibbler flying
off the bed.]
LEELA
Not another dream! Fry's jacket! The
one he was buried in! My dream was real!
He's alive!
[Her neighbour thumps the wall.]
[Planet Express: Meeting Room. Bender is on fire. Hermes, Amy,
Zoidberg and Farnsworth blast him with fire extinguishers.]
BENDER
That's better!
[He lights a cigar. Enter Leela with Fry's jacket in a jacket
jacket.]
LEELA
Fry's alive! I have proof!
BENDER
You do not!
HERMES
I'm from Jamaica, the show-me island.
So show me you're blowing it out your
fanny.
LEELA
But he gave me his jacket. Look.
[She opens the jacket jacket and pulls out...her own green jacket.]
FARNSWORTH
That's not Fry's jacket. Fry's jacket
is red! That's your jacket. An off the
rack lime green affair.
LEELA
But Fry...his jacket...and when I woke
up it was on me.
HERMES
You're under a lot of guilt stress Leela.
Here, work it off.
[He hands the squeezy stress toy and she squeezes it.]
LEELA [SQUEEZING]
I am not under stress dammit!
[The toy explodes.]
LEELA
What?
AMY
I said everything's going to be alright.
LEELA
Oh. Maybe I am freaking out a little.
BENDER
A little? You're screwier than my Aunt
Rita! And she's a screw!
LEELA
I need to calm down. I'd better take
some more of that space honey.
FARNSWORTH
You've been taking space honey? Be careful
you purple haired imbecile!
ZOIDBERG
One spoonful calms you down, two spoonfuls
help you sleep, but three spoonfuls,
you'll go into a sleep and never wake
up! Never!
BENDER (AMY'S VOICE)
Never!
[Leela gasps.]
[Planet Express: Lounge. Leela takes a spoonful of honey.]
LEELA
One spoonful to calm me down. OK, I've
got a pretty good calm going! Two spoonfuls
to help me sleep. Uh oh, still awake.
I guess one more spoonful couldn't hurt.
Oh my gosh! I'd better get a sponge!
Fry? Is that you? I don't need a sponge!
FRY
Why and I sticky and naked? Did I miss
something fun?
[Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Farnsworth scans Fry with
the gizmometer.]
FARNSWORTH
Incredible! According to the gizmometer,
Fry touched the royal jelly in the space
hive, leaving an imprint of his DNA
and brainwaves. Then, when it spilled
on the couch, it recombined with trace
amounts of Fry's hair and skin -
BENDER
And blood! Don't forget about Fry's
blood!
FARNSWORTH
Yes Bender, thank you. In short, the
various fluids Fry left in the couch
caused the royal jelly to regenerate
his entire being!
FRY
Neat!
BENDER
This is great! My buddy's alive and
his credit cards are valid again! Lets
go get hammered!
[The crew cheer.]
ZOIDBERG
I should warn you: I'm a mean drunk.
[They leave, leaving Fry and Leela alone.]
LEELA
Fry, I'm so glad I didn't kill you.
FRY
Me too.
LEELA
Feeling responsible for your death was
driving me mad. But now everything is
alright.
FRY
Uh, not everything.
LEELA
What? What do you mean?
FRY
You have to wake up.
LEELA
Wake up? Oh no! No! It can't be!
[Cut to: Planet Express: Lounge. Leela wakes up on the couch.
The royal jelly wasn't spilt and Fry didn't come back to life.
The two spoonfuls did help her sleep. She gasps and looks around.]
LEELA
Poo.
[Planet Express: Meeting Room.]
LEELA
I'm cracking up. In my dreams I'm happy
because Fry is alive, but when I'm awake
my mind plays tricks on me.
HERMES
Oh take it easy Leela.
AMY
In every life we have some trouble.
BENDER
But when you worry you make it double.
FARNSWORTH (SINGING)
The landlord says your rent is late...
HERMES (SINGING)
He might have to litigate.
BENDER (SINGING)
But don't worry!
[He opens his chest cabinet and a bee flies out and stings Farnsworth's
head.]
BEE (SINGING)
Bee...
FARNSWORTH (SINGING)
...happy!
[His head explodes and the meeting room goes dark.]
ZOIDBERG (SINGING)
Ain't got no cash,
Ain't got no style,
Ladies vomit when I smile,
But does Zoidberg worry?
[The bee stings him.]
BEE (SINGING)
Bee...
ZOIDBERG (SINGING)
...happy!
[He explodes. Hermes holds Amy and skates around as the bee flies
alongside.]
HERMES (SINGING)
Don't worry now Amy!
[The bee stings him and he explodes.]
AMY (SINGING)
OK! I'm happy!
[The bee stings her and she explodes.]
[Streamers and glitter falls around the table and Bender dances
on it.]
BENDER (SINGING)
Take us home Bender! Don't worry!
BEE (SINGING)
Bee...
[It stings him.]
BENDER (SINGING)
...happy!
[He explodes in a rather nice display of fireworks. The smoke
clears and everyone is back at the table again.]
LEELA
Uh, were you just singing?
BENDER
No I was telling you not to worry. I'm
not allowed to sing - court order.
[Ship's Cockpit. Leela takes off in the ship. She is nervous
and jittery.]
LEELA
I'll find Fry's coffin, take his corpse
and keep it under my mattress to remind
me he's really dead. That'll prove I'm
not insane.
[Outside Ship. Leela stands at the airlock in her spacesuit and
looks out at Fry's coffin, floating like the monolith from 2001:
A Space Odyssey. She jumps out and floats to it. She puts her
hands on it.]
LEELA
OK, it's just an ordinary coffin. Containing
my ordinary dead friend, who I killed.
[She opens the coffin. Inside are lots of colours going by very
fast like in 2001: A Space Odyssey. Leela stares.]
[Cut to: Leela's Bedroom. She wakes up from what was another
dream.]
LEELA
What happened? Why am I in my apartment?
[Farnsworth's, Zoidberg's, Hermes' and Amy's faces appear on
her walls.]
LEELA
Stop it! Stop it!
[She tears their faces down like wallpaper. Bender appears on
the floor.]
BENDER
You killed Fry!
[She grabs the hoover and sucks him up.]
LEELA
OK, I'm insane! But I'm still sane enough
to know it. The only time I feel alright
is in my dreams. With you. Three spoonfuls.
Then I can dream forever. One. Two
Here goes. Goodbye waking world.
[The spoon moves towards her mouth. Fry's photo suddenly starts
talking.]
FRY'S PHOTO
Leela! No! Listen to me, you don't
want to lie in bed like a vegetable
and do nothing the rest of your life.
I've tried it. Bedsores hurt!
LEELA (CRYING)
Then what am I s'posed to do?
FRY'S PHOTO
Fight it!
LEELA (CRYING)
I can't!
FRY'S PHOTO
You can! The Leela I know doesn't give
up this easily.
LEELA
OK. I'll try. Go away!
[She throws the jar at it. The jar and the bee break and the
one bee becomes a swarm. Leela picks up Fry's photo and holds
it tightly.]
FRY'S PHOTO
I don't know if you can hear me Leela
but there's something I wanna tell you.
I love you.
LEELA (CRYING)
I'm so scared Fry I don't know what
to do.
FRY'S PHOTO
Just wake up Leela. Please. Just wake
up.
LEELA (CRYING)
I don't understand what you mean!
[She hugs the photo.]
[Cut to: Hospital Room. Leela is in a bed and Fry is sat at her
side. His jacket is draped around her and she is in a coma.]
FRY (CRYING)
Just wake up. Please. Just wake up Leela.
[Her eyelid flutters and opens. She looks around.]
LEELA
Fry. You're alive!
FRY
Leela! You're awake!
LEELA
Of course I'm awake. You wouldn't stop
waking me. Where am I?
FRY
In the hospital. The ambulance brought
you here right after the bee stung you.
LEELA
But the bee stung you. It barely touched
me.
[Fry lifts up his shirt. There is a patch where his wound was.]
FRY
Stinger went right through me and you
got all the poison. My new spleen came
from a guy who liked to motorcycle.
[He makes revving noises. Enter the rest of the crew.]
HERMES
Sweet three toed sloth of ice planet
Hoth! She's awake!
[They all cheer.]
BENDER
You were in the best coma I've ever
seen!
AMY
The doctor said you'd never wake up.
LEELA
Really? How long was I out?
AMY
Two weeks. Fry never left your side
for a minute.
ZOIDBERG
And he talked non-stop, like a parrot
of the sea he was.
FRY
I though that if you heard a familiar
voice, it might help keep your mind
together. But, who knows if it really
got through.
LEELA
It got through Fry. It got through.
THE END
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