THE BOOKSTORE
Written by
Spike Feresten, Darin Henry & Mark Jaffe
(Bookstore)
(George and Jerry both enter a bookstore)
GEORGE
I read somewhere that this Brentano's
is the place to meet girls in New York.
JERRY
First it was the health club, then the
supermarket, now the bookstore. They
could put it anywhere they want, no
one's meetin' anybody.
(Kramer walks up to Jerry and George while leafing through a
book)
KRAMER
Jerry, look at all these pagodas, huh?
I gotta get over to Hong Kong before
it all goes back to China..
JERRY
(Sarcastic) You better hurry.
GEORGE
I'm gonna hit the head.
KRAMER
Oh, boy, look at this. Hong Kong's outlawed
the rickshaw. See, I always thought
those would be perfect for New York.
JERRY
(Sarcastic) Yes. The city needs more
slow-moving wicker vehicles.
(George is about to go into the bathroom. He grabs a book on
his way in)
KRAMER
Hmm, Elaine's been to Hong Kong. I should
give her a call.
JERRY
She's at that annual Peterman party
tonight. You know the one she danced
at last year?
KRAMER
(Remembering) No, that wasn't dancing.
JERRY
(Pointing) Hey, there's Leo.
KRAMER
Oh? Who's Leo?
JERRY
Uncle Leo.
KRAMER
Oh, yeah. Right. Uncle, Leo. Forgot
his first name..
(Kramer and Jerry both watch Leo looking at the books on a shelf.
Then, Leo takes a book and puts it under his coat)
JERRY
Did I just see that?!
KRAMER
(To Jerry) Well, that ougta keep you
busy for a few days, huh?
(Scene ends)
The Annual Peterman Party)
(Elaine is sitting alone at a table. Walter, a co-worker, comes
up to her)
WALTER
(Joking around with her) So, Elaine..
are you going to dance this year?
ELAINE
Maybe.. All over your face!
(A waiter serving food approaches Elaine)
WAITER
If you do dance, the cooks want to know
- so they can be brought out of the
kitchen. They missed it last year.
(Elaine is looking both angry and embarrassed. Scene cuts to
Peterman giving a toast)
PETERMAN
My friends, a toast. As the wolly-haired
Melanasians of Papua, New Guinea once
said, (Makes a series of clicking and
popping sounds. The music
starts up) All right! Who's dancing? (No one makes a gesture
that they intend to dance) No one? Alright, I'll just have to
get things started. (Grabs a female
employee, and starts dancing with her. The crowd is impressed)
(Scene cuts back to Elaine's table. A fellow employee sits down
at Elaine's table)
ZACH
Hi, I'm Zach.
ELAINE
Hi, I'm miserable. (They both laugh)
(Scene ends)
Bookstore)
(George casually puts the large book he took into the bathroom
with him on the shelf. A manager notices, and approaches him)
MANAGER
Excuse me, Sir. What are you doing?
GEORGE
(Acting innocent) I'm all set.
MANAGER
(Pointing) Did you take that book with
you into the bathroom?
GEORGE
(Not sure what the answer should be)
What do you want to hear?
(Scene ends)
The Coffee shop)
(George and Jerry are at Monk's Coffee shop)
GEORGE
They made me buy it.. A hundred bucks
this thing cost me. (Gesturing to the
book) How dare they?! I got news for
you, if it wasn't for the toilet, there
would be no books.
JERRY
(Sarcastic) Yeah. I understand Guttenberg
used to spend a lot of time in there.
GEORGE
They're selling coffee, bran muffins..
you're surrounded by reading material.
It's entrapment!
JERRY
(Reading the cover of the book George
was forced to buy) 'French Impressionist
Paintings'?
GEORGE
I find the soothing pastorial images
very conduc-
JERRY
(Cutting him off) Thank you very much.
GEORGE
Well, I'm gonna go back there later
and return it when there's different
people working.. You want to catch a
movie?
JERRY
I can't. I'm meeting Uncle Leo. I saw
him shoplifting at the bookstore.
GEORGE
(Praising Leo's stealing) Alright, Leo!
Stickin' it to the man!
(Elaine enters and sits down)
JERRY
Sleeping in the caragain?
ELAINE
Cocktail flu.
JERRY
(Remembering) Oh, right. The big party..
GEORGE
You, uh, didn't dance again, did you?
ELAINE
(Angered) No, I found a better way to
humiliate myself. There was this guy,
and we had a few too many..
GEORGE
You went home with him?
ELAINE
Worse. We made out at the table like
our plane was going down!
JERRY
(Rubbing it in) Ah, the drunken make-out.
An office classic. Did you end up xeroxing
anything?
ELAINE
(Gives Jerry a look) Do you know how
embarrassing this is to someone in my
position?
JERRY
(Confused) What's your position?
ELAINE
I am an associate.
GEORGE
Hey, me too.
(A waitress, passing their table, speaks up)
WAITRESS
Yeah, me too.
ELAINE
Oh God. Why did I do this? Now I'm the
office skank.
GEORGE
Well, unless you tell everybody you're
dating.
ELAINE
(Liking the idea) Ohh.. right. Cause
if we're dating, what everyone saw was
just a beautiful moment between two
lovers.
JERRY
(Jokingly rubbing it in) As opposed
to a spirited bout of Skanko-Roman wrestling.
ELAINE
(Sarcastic) Oh, bravo.
(Scene ends)
Jerry's apartment)
(Jerry enters his apartment to find Newman and Kramer having
a conference at his table)
JERRY
(Sarcastic) Oh, hey. Can I fix you fellas
some drinks and sandwiches?
KRAMER
(Taking his offer seriously) No, we've
already eaten.
NEWMAN
(Gesturing to dishes and silverware
on the table) But you can clear some
of this stuff out of the way.
KRAMER
Jerry, check this out. (Pointing at
some papers on the table) Remember my
idea about rickshaws in New Youk? Well,
we're gonna make it happen!
JERRY
(Jokingly trying to be skeptical) No,
you're not.
KRAMER
Newman, he knows a guy in the Hong Kong
post office..
JERRY
(Still skeptical) No, he doesn't.
NEWMAN
He's shipping us a rickshaw. It can't
miss!
JERRY
Yes, it can.
KRAMER
We'll start out with one, and they when
it catches on, we're gonna have a whole
fleet!
NEWMAN
It's the romance of the Handsome Cab
without the guilt or dander of the equine.
JERRY
So, who's gonna pull this thing?
(Kramer and Newman both look at eachother)
KRAMER
(To Newman) Well, I just assumed you
would.
NEWMAN
Yeah, but I though-
KRAMER
(Stopping his thought) Da-da-da-da no.
JERRY
(Extremely happy about Kramer and Newman's
dilemma) My, isn't this an awkward moment?
KRAMER
(Brainstorming) What about the homeless?
NEWMAN
Can't we worry about them later?
KRAMER
(Explaining) To pull the rickshaw.
NEWMAN
(Pondering Kramer's plan out loud) They
do have an intimate knowledge of the
street..
KRAMER
They're always walkin' around the city.
Why not just strap something to them?!
JERRY
(Sarcastic) Now, that's the first sensible
idea I've heard all day.
(Scene ends)
The Coffee shop)
(Uncle Leo enters, and joins Jerry at his booth)
LEO
Jerry, hello! (Sits down)
JERRY
So, Leo, how's everything? You doin'
Okay?
LEO
I still have the ringing in the ears.
Sounds like the phone.
JERRY
(Shrugging his problems off) Yeah, yeah.
But what about money? Are you strapped?
Do you need a little?
LEO
What, are you kidding? I should you
loaning you money! (Quickly amending
what he just said) But I'm not.
JERRY
(Being frank) Leo, I saw you in Brentano's
yesterday.
LEO
Why didn't ya say hello?
JERRY
Because you were too busy stealing a
book.
LEO
(Giving a courtesy lesson) You still
say hello.
JERRY
(Showing that it's a problem) Leo, I
saw you steal.
LEO
Oh, they don't care. We all do it.
JERRY
Who, criminals?
LEO
Senior citizens. No big deal.
JERRY
You could get arrested.
LEO
Arrested? Come on! (Goes into a routine
explaination for his stealing) I'm an
old man. I'm confused! I thought I paid
for it. What's my name? Will you take
me
home?
JERRY
(Pleading) Leo..
LEO
Alright, alright. Mr. Goody Two-Shoes.
You made your point.
JERRY
(Thinking he's stopped Leo's thefts)
Thank you.
LEO
(Yelling out to every one in the coffee
shop) Will somebody answer that damn
phone?!
(Scene ends)
Peterman office building hallway)
ELAINE
(Talking to a co-worker) Of course Zach
and I have been dating. What'd you think,
I was the office skank?
WALTER
Well..
ELAINE
"Well"? We've been dating for three
months. Between you and me, and.. anyone
else you want to tell.
(Elaine enters into the break room. There, she sees Zach making
out with another co-worker)
ELAINE
(Exits, closing the door behind her)
Oh man. Ugh..
WALTER
(Pointing at the closed door) Isn't
that Zach?
ELAINE
Yeah.
WALTER
Aren't you upset?
ELAINE
(Starts to fake cry) Yes. Oh, man! Oh!
(Scene ends)
NYC street)
(Kramer and Newman are standing there with a rickshaw. Close
by are three homeless guys in a line)
KRAMER
Alright, listen up. Now, you three have
been hand-picked out of possibly dozens
that applied. Now, what we're looking
for are motivated,
hard-working, homeless gentlemen like yourselves to pull rickshaws.
(One of the homeless men starts to wander off, walking away)
Now, I don't caer where you're
from, or how you got here, or what happened to your homes. But
you will have to be physically fit.
(One of the 2 remaining homeless men drops a bottle)
HOMELESS MAN
The government!
KRAMER
(Continuing as if nothing happened)
Because to pull rickshaws means more
than just strong legs. You're also going
to need a well-toned upper body.
(Kramer looks at the two confused guys) Or a shirt..
NEWMAN
Alright, who's first?
(The homeless man with a shirt raises his hand. Kramer pats him
on the shoulder - dust flies into the air)
KRMAER
Hey.
NEWMAN
Name, please.
HOMELESS MAN
Rusty.
NEWMAN
(Writing on a clipboard) Rusty.
KRAMER
(To Rusty) You know, I once knew a horse
named Rusty. No offence.
NEWMAN
(To Rusty) Alright, uh, take it down
to the end of the block. Make a controlled
turn, and bring her back. Let's see
what you've got! Ok? Ready, and
go!
(Rusty takes off down the street with the rickshaw)
KRAMER
(Watching Rusty's pulling of the rickshaw)
Giddy up! Good form.
NEWMAN
(Yelling out to Rusty) Alright, pace
yourself, 'Cause you're gonna have to
do this all day for very little money.
(They both notice that Rusty is not stopping)
KRAMER
Hey, what's he doin'?
NEWMAN
I think he stealing our rickshaw!
KRAMER
Well, then, he's out!
(Newman stops his timer. The other homeless man is still standing
in line - alone)
HOMELESS MAN 2
(Salutes Kramer) I'll take the job.
Potato salad!"
(Scene ends)
Bookstore)
(Jerry and George are at Brentano's. George is trying to return
the book)
GEORGE
Yes, I, uh, I need to return this book.
CASHIER
(Puts the book's code into the computer)
I'm sorry, we can't take this book back.
GEORGE
Why not?
CASHIER
It's been flagged.
GEORGE
(Confused) Flagged?
CASHIER
It's been in the bathroom.
GEORGE
It says that on the computer?
CASHIER
Please take it home. We don't want it
near the other books.
GEORGE
(Outraged. Leaving) Well, you just lost
a lot of business! Because I love to
read!
(George storms out. Jerry is about to follow until he sees Leo
stealing another book)
JERRY
(To himself) I don't believe this! (Walks
over to a security guard) Excuse me,
I wonder if you could do me a favor?
My uncle's having a little problem with
shoplifting..
GUARD
Mm-hmm. Where's your uncle?
JERRY
(Pointing) He's over there in the overcoat.
If you could just kind of put a scare
into him.. You know, set him straight..
GAURD
(Into his walkie-talkie) We have a 51-50
in paperbacks. All units respond.
JERRY
'51-50'? That - that's just a scare,
right?
GUARD
Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to stand
out of the way and let us handle this.
(The Guard rushes tward Uncle Leo) Swarm!
Swarm!
(Suddenly, Leo is surrounded by guards)
LEO
What?! I'm an old man! I'm confused!
GUARD
You're under arrest.
JERRY
(To Guard) I just wanted you to scare
him.
LEO
Jerry, you ratted me out?!
JERRY
(Unsure of what to say - he remember's
Leo's courtesy tip) Hello?
LEO
Hello.
(Scene ends)
Jerry's apartment)
(Jerry is on the phone with his parents)
JERRY
Mom, I didn't rat out Uncle Leo. I just
wanted the guard to scare him straight.
HELEN
Jerry, he won't last a day in prison.
JERRY
(Scoffing) Prison. I'm sure it's just
a fine.
MORTY
She's got priors.
JERRY
(Not believeing it) Prior convictions?
Leo?
HELEN
It was a crime of passion. Leave it
alone.
MORTY
Besides, it's not stealing if it's something
you need.
JERRY
(Confused) What does that mean?
HELEN
Nobody pays for everyting.
JERRY
(Shocked at his parents) You're stealing
too?!
MORTY
Nothing. Batteries. (Jerry scoffs) Well,
they wear out so quick.
JERRY
Mom, you too?
HELEN
Sometimes your father forgets, so I
have to steal them.
(Kramer and Newman both enter)
JERRY
Alright, I'll talk to you later.
KRAMER
(While washing his hands in Jerry's
kithen sink) Well, the rickshaw's gone.
We strapped it to a homeless guy and
he (Makes a noise), he bolted.
JERRY
(Joking around) Well, you know, eighty-five
percent of all homeless rickshaw businesses
fail within the first three months.
KRAMER
(To Newman) See, we should've gotten
some collateral from him.. Like his
bag of cans, or.. his other bag of cans.
NEWMAN
We gotta find that rickshaw. You check
the sewers and dumpsters. I'll hit the
soup kitchens, bakeries, and smorgasbords.
(Newman and Kramer both go to leave)
JERRY
To the Idiotmobile!
(Scene ends)
The Coffee shop)
(Jerry and Elaine are sitting at a booth)
JERRY
So, even though you're not really going
out with this guy, he's cheating on
you?
ELAINE
That is correct. But here's the beauty
part - now I stand up for myself by
telling everybody I'm dumping his sorry
ass, and I'm the office-
JERRY
(Butting in) Tina Turner?
ELAINE
(Accepting) Alright.
(George enters with his large art book)
GEORGE
Well, I've to every Brentano's. This
thing's flagged in every database in
town!
JERRY
Is it so horrible to have to keep a
book?
GEORGE
I don't understand what the big deal
is. They let you try on pants.
JERRY
(Stern on George) Not underpants.
ELAINE
Hey, that's your Uncle Leo.
(Uncle Leo is at the front desk in Monks. He's paying for his
check)
JERRY
(Getting up) Uncle Leo. Hello!
LEO
(Bitter) Jerry.
JERRY
(Trying to explain) Uncle Leo, I'm sorry.
I didn't know about your.. past.
LEO
(Exiting) You mean my crime of passion?
If anyone betrays me, I never forget!
JERRY
(Following Leo out the door) Uncle Leo,
wait! Hello?!
(Elaine has picked up George's book, and is now thumbing through
it)
ELAINE
French impressionism. Oh, I love this.
(Looking up at George) Now, what is
the problem with this book?
GEORGE
Nothing.
ELAINE
How much do you want for it?
GEORGE
You know, I could let it go for.. say..
a hundred and twenty-five.
(Jerry has given up on Leo, and now rejoins Elaine and George
at the booth)
JERRY
Leo's furious. (He stops in his tracks
when he sees Elaine looking at George's
book) What is that doing on the table?
GEORGE
(Wanting Elaine to take it off his hands,
he tries to silence Jerry) Jerry, simmer
down.
JERRY
(Pointing) I'm not eating anything in
the vicinity of that book.
ELAINE
(Confused) What is wrong with this book?
GEORGE
Simmer!
JERRY
That book has been on a wild ride. George
took it into the bathroom with him and-
ELAINE
(Cutting Jerry off, she stands up, trying
to get away from the book. Yelling out)
Alright! Everyone clear! Bio-hazard
coming through! Clear! Clear!! (Runs
to the bathroom to wash her hands)
GEORGE
(The damage has been done. He is slightly
angered at Jerry) May I ask, what do
you read in the bathroom?
JERRY
I don't read in the bathroom.
GEORGE
Well, aren't you something?
(Scene ends)
Elaine's office)
(Peterman walks in)
PETERMAN
Elaine, do you have a moment? It's about
your lover.
ELAINE
(Faking a broken heart) Oh yes. I know
all about his little performance in
the break room.
PETERMAN
Elaine, who among us hasn't snuck into
the break room to nibble on a love newton?
ELAINE
(Confused) Love newton?
PETERMAN
I'm afraid the problem with Zach is
more serious. He's back on the horse,
Elaine. Smack. White palace. The Chinaman's
nightcap.
ELAINE
An addict? (Sacrcastic) Well, it just
keeps getting better!
PETERMAN
And, in a tiny way, I almost feel responsible.
I'm the one who sent him to Thailand
- in search of low-cost whistles. Filled
his head with pseudoerotic
tales of my own Opium excursions. Plus, I have him some phone
numbers of places he could score near the hotel.
ELAINE
Look, uh, Mr. Peterman, the fact is
that I was planning on breaking up with
Zach anyway. He was cheating on me!
PETERMAN
Damn it, Elaine. That wasn't Zach. That
was the yam-yam. Now, he is going cold
turkey. (Ordering) And you will be at
his side.
ELAINE
Oh. Well, you know, I had planned to
uh-
PETERMAN
(Cutting her off) No buts, Elaine. Or
I will strip you of your 'associate'
status. (Goes to leave) Uh, P.S., the
first twenty-four hours are the worst.
Better bring a poncho.
(Scene ends)
Jerry's bedroom)
(Jerry is tossing and turning in his bed. Voices are going through
his head while he's trying to sleep)
HELEN
It was a crime of passion.
LEO
If anyone betrays me, I never forget.
HELEN
He won't last a day in prison.
(Now, Jerry has slipped into a dream. He visualizes Leo in prison
*NOTE* The following scene of Leo in jail is a parody of the
movie "Cape Fear")
LEO
(Leo has "Jerry" written on the fingers
his right hand, and "Hello" written
on his left. He's doing pull-ups) Jerry.
Hello. Jerry. Hello. Jerry. (Turns to
the right,
yelling out) Answer that damn phone!
(Scene cuts to Jerry, who is just now waking up to the phone's
ringing. He answers it)
JERRY
Hello?
ELAINE
Hey, it's me.
JERRY
Uncle Leo?
ELAINE
(Sarcastic) Oh, that's nice. What are
you up to?
JERRY
Nightmares. You?
ELAINE
My fake boyfriend is going through real
withdrawals.
ZACH
(Yelling out from off-camera) I'm burning
up! Elaine!
ELAINE
Eat your soup!
JERRY
You're not feeding him, are you?
ELAINE
Why? (Zach vomits. Elaine yells out
to him) I told you, away from the curtains.
Away. (Pointing) Use your bucket. (He
vomits again - this time into the
bucket) There you go, that's it. (To Jerry) You know what? I
gotta go.
(Jerry hangs up, then tries to go back to sleep. Kramer walks
in)
KRAMER
Hey, buddy.
JERRY
(Scared) Ah! Kramer!
KRAMER
I thought I heard you.
JERRY
Get out of here!
NEWMAN
(From outside the room) Kramer? Kramer?
(Enters Jerry's bedroom) There you are.
JERRY
Will everybody please leave?!
NEWMAN
I just heard that a postman spotted
a rickshaw down in Battery Park.
KRAMER
Our rickshaw?
NEWMAN
It's entirely possible.
JERRY
I want everyone out!
KRAMER
(Exiting the bedroom with Newman) Let's
talk in Jerry's kitchen. I'll make some
cocoa.
NEWMAN
(To Jerry) Good night.
JERRY
(Bitter) Good night, Newman.
(Scene ends)
Park)
(Newman and Kramer both find the rickshaw and Rusty in the park)
NEWMAN
There it is!
KRAMER
Rusty!
RUSTY
Oh, there you are. Oh, do I get the
job?
KRAMER
(Sarcastic) Yeah, yeah. We'll get back
to you. (Pulling the rickshaw with Newman)
Let's get this baby home.
NEWMAN
Uh..
KRAMER
What?
NEWMAN
You know, when you think about it, it's
kind of silly for us both to pull this
thing all t he way back uptown. I mean,
after all, it is a conveyance.
KRAMER
Yes, that's true.
NEWMAN
So, which one of us is gonna pull?
KRAMER
Well, there's only one way to settle
this. (Starts pointing back and forth
between Newman and him with each word
of the rhyme) One spot, two spot,
zig, zag, tear, pop-die, pennygot, tennyum, tear, harum, scare
'em, rip 'em, tear 'em, tay, taw, toe..
NEWMAN
(Realizing he won) Yeah.
KRAMER
Best two out of three? (Starts the pointing
and the rhyme again) One spot, two spot..
(Scene cuts to Newman riding in the rickshaw - Kramer pulling)
NEMWAN
Hey, boy. Smooth it out up there. Too
much jostling!
(Scene ends)
A homeless charity center)
(Geroge is trying to give the book to the homeless. He comes
across Rebecca DeMornay - the same woman who confronted Elaine
about her muffin stumps in
episode "The Muffin Tops")
REBECCA
(Gesturing tward the book) So, you want
to donate this to charity?
GEORGE
Well, I assume there's some sort of
write-off.
REBECCA
What's the value of the book?
GEORGE
Uh, about two hundred dollars, Miss
DeMooney.
REBECCA
(Correcting. Stern) It's DeMornay. Rebecca
DeMornay.
GEORGE
Oh.
REBECCA
(Opens the cover of the book) Oh, wait
a second. (Certain) This book has been
in the bathroom.
GEORGE
(Nervous) Wh-what are you talking about?
That - that's rediculous.
REBECCA
It's been flagged. I know. I used to
work in a Brentano's. Mister, we're
trying to help the homeless heare -
it's bad enough that we have some nut
out
there trying to strap 'em to a rickshaw!
GEORGE
(Desperate to get rid of the book) Alright,
I, I'll just take fifty. Do - do we
have a deal?
REBECCA
Yeah, and here it is: You get your toilet
book out of here, and I won't jump over
this counter and punch you in the brain!
GEORGE
I could take it in merchandise..
REBECCA
(Threatening to hit him) Here I come..
(George grabs his book and runs for his life)
(Scene ends)
Bookstore)
(Elaine and Jerry are both at the bookstore. Elaine is talking
with the cashier while checking out a book)
ELAINE
So, this book'll tell me how to get
puke out of cashmere?
CASHIER
Yeah.
ELAINE
Great.
JERRY
(To Elaine) So, the worst is over?
ELAINE
Yeah. Now I can break up with him. He's
clean, and I'm the office hero.
JERRY
Seems like you're better at fake relationships
than real ones.
ELAIEN
Yeah, huh. I even got an idea out of
it. the Detox Poncho.
(She's through buying the book, and is ready to go)
ELAINE
(Leaving Jerry) See ya.
JERRY
(To cashier) I'd like to speak with
the manager, please.
(Scene ends)
NYC Street)
(Newman is being pulled up a steep hill on the rickshaw by Kramer)
NEWMAN
Mind your pace, Boy. Chop, chop!
KRAMER
(Tired) Oh, I can't go on. I gotta take
a break. (Sets the rickshaw down - taking
a rest)
NEWMAN
Well, don't tarry. I'm behind schedule
as it is.
KRAMER
(Stretching) Oh..
(The rickshaw starts to roll back down the hill)
NEWMAN
(Scared) Boy.. Boy. Kramer!
(The rickshaw starts to rapidly go down the street. Kramer makes
an attempt to chase it)
KRAMER
Woah! Wait!
NEWMAN
Ahhh! Yaaaahhh!
(Scene cuts to Zach. he's walking out into the street)
ZACH
(Optimistic) Well, this is the first
day of the rest of my life!
(Scene cuts back to Newman - still rolling down the hill)
NEWMAN
Waaaaahhhh!
(Zach and the rickshaw collide. From back up on top of the street,
Kramer tries to separate himself from the accident. He starts
walking, then running away from the
crushed rickshaw)
(Scene ends)
Bookstore)
(Jerry is in Brentano's - waiting for the manager. He sees George
enter)
JERRY
George? What are you doin' here?
GEORGE
I can't sell the book. It's been marked.
JERRY
(Sarcasticly joking) It certainly has.
GEORGE
So, I'm gonna steal another one, and
then return it. That way, everything
is even.
JERRY
(Trying to straighten things out) You
defile one book, steal another, ask
for your money back - and to you that's
even?
GEORGE
I'm goin' in!
(George walks off to steal one of the books. The manager walks
up to Jerry)
MANAGER
Did you want to speak with the manager?
JERRY
Yes. My Uncle Leo was cought shoplifing
here the other day..
MANAGER
Yes, Uncle Leo. I remember him. I'm
sorry, our policy is we prosecute all
shoplifters.
JERRY
(Pleading) Oh, come on. He's just a
lonely old man. All old people steal.
MANAGER
That's right. That's why we stopped
carrying batteries. Look, I'll be honest
with you, we've had a lot of trouble
with theft lately - and my boss says
I have to make an example to someone.
JERRY
So it could be anyone?
MANAGER
I.. guess. As long as we catch him in
the act.
(Jerry turns to George. George has a huge bundle under his overcoat
- and is trying to act innocent)
JERRY
That guy! (Pointing at George) Swarm!
Swarm!
(George is instantly surrounded by guards)
GEORGE
No! Jerry!
THE END
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