THE FROGGER
Written by
Gregg Kavet, Andy Robin, Steve Koren & Dan O'Keefe
INT. J. PETERMAN LUNCHROOM - DAY
Elaine and several co-workers stand around a table which has
a cake sitting on it.
ALL
Happy birthday to you.
WALTER
Thanks.
Everyone claps.
FEMALE WORKER
Elaine, cake?
ELAINE
Uh, no, thanks.
FEMALE WORKER
It's Walter's special day.
ELAINE
You know, there are 200 people who work
in this office. Every day is somebody's
special day.
Elaine takes a piece of cake and makes her way to the door, but
is stopped as a male worker carrying a cake enters.
MALE WORKER
Elaine! Where're you going? It's Walter's
last day. We have to celebrate.
ELAINE
It's his birthday and it's his last
day?
MALE WORKER
This is other-Walter, from returns.
Other-Walter enters followed by more co-workers.
OTHER-WALTER
Hey, what's going on here?
ALL
Surprise!
OTHER-WALTER
Oh guys.
Elaine tries to leave, but other-Walter stops her.
OTHER-WALTER
Elaine, it's my last day. Have a piece.
ELAINE
All right, pile it on.
ALL
For he's a jolly good fellow...happy
birthday to you...for he's a jolly good
fellow...birthday to you...which nobody
can deny...
Elaine looks on frustrated.
EXT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY - ESTABLISHING
INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY
Jerry and Elaine stand in front of his stereo.
JERRY
What is so bad about having a little
piece of cake?
ELAINE
It is the forced socializing. I mean,
just because we work in the same office,
why do we have to act like we're friends?
JERRY
Why aren't you there now?
ELAINE
I had to take a sick day. I'm so sick
of these people. By the way, I talked
to Lisi, and tomorrow night's good for
her.
They sit on the sofa.
JERRY
You know, I shouldn't go out with a
friend of yours. I foresee messiness.
ELAINE
Yeah, you're better off sitting around
here, reading comic books, and eating
spaghetti at two in the morning..
JERRY
Hey, speaking of tomato sauce, you want
to come with me and George to Mario's
Pizza?
ELAINE
Your old high school hangout? Why?
JERRY
They're closing. We're going for one
last slice.
Kramer barges through the door holding a roll of yellow police
tape.
KRAMER
Hey. All right. Hi. Check it out, official
police caution tape. Look at that.
Jerry walks towards the counter where Kramer has placed some
of the tape.
KRAMER
Uh-uh-uh. Step back, son, there's nothing
to see here.
JERRY
Where did you get this?
KRAMER
Well, I got it from my cop buddy Doug.
JERRY
You sure have a lot of friends. How
come I never see any of these people?
KRAMER
They want to know why they never see
you.
Kramer ties a piece of tape around a banana.
KRAMER
I'm gonna eat that later.
JERRY
So they just gave you this?
KRAMER
Oh no, no,. no. I had to fish around
in the evidence room for it. You know,
they're all preoccupied, trying to hunt
down this new psycho-serial killer,
the Lopper. All right, I'll see ya.
ELAINE
Wait a minute, wait a minute. Who is
the Lopper?
KRAMER
Oh, it's no big deal. It's just some
guy who's been running around Riverside
park-pffff. You know, cutting people's
heads off.
JERRY
How come I haven't read about this?
KRAMER
Well, you know, the police, they've
been having some internal dissension
about the name.
ELAINE
Really? What're the other titles?
KRAMER
Uh, Headso...uh...The Denogginizer...Son
of dad.
JERRY
Son of dad?
KRAMER
Yeah. That was my suggestion. It's sort
of a catchall.
EXT. MARIO'S PIZZA - DAY - ESTABLISHING
GEORGE
Mario's Pizza.
INT. MARIO'S PIZZA - DAY
George and Jerry admire their former hang out. Mario, an elder
man, stands behind the counter.
GEORGE
Just as she was. Hey, Mario! Remember
us?
MARIO
No.
JERRY
We used to come in every day.
MARIO
So where ya been? We're tanking here.
GEORGE
We'll have 2 slices and 2 grape sodas.
MARIO
Oh, thanks. That'll save us.
JERRY
All right, make it the large sodas.
George and Jerry walk across the room.
GEORGE
Hey, Jerry, remember Frogger? I used
to be so into this game. Gettin' that
frog across the street was my entire
life.
They walk over to watch a boy playing Frogger.
JERRY
Yeah. And then you went on to...Well,
it's a good game.
GEORGE
Double jump! Eat the fly! Eat it!
The boy loses.
BOY
Thanks a lot.
GEORGE
Ah, beat it, punk.
The boy exits.
JERRY
Hey, look at the high score--"G.L.C."
George Louis Costanza. That's not you,
is it?
GEORGE
Yes! 860,000. I can't believe it's still
standing. No one has beaten me in like
10 years.
JERRY
I remember that night.
GEORGE
The perfect combination of Mountain
Dew and mozzarella...just the right
amount of grease on the joy stick...
MARIO
Here's your pizza pea brains.
JERRY
I think I remember why we stopped coming
here.
GEORGE
Yeah.
EXT. J PETERMAN BUILDING - DAY - ESTABLISHING
INT. ELAINE'S OFFICE - DAY
Elaine is sitting at her desk smelling a pen.
ELAINE
This pen smells really bad. So why do
I keep smelling it? Is it too late for
me to go to law school?
There's a knock on the door and several co-workers enter with
a cake.
ELAINE
What is this?
MALE WORKER
You were out sick yesterday, so we got
you a get-well cake.
FEMALE WORKER
It's carrot. It's good for you.
WORKERS
Get well get well soon, we wish you
to get--
ELAINE
Stop it! That's not even a song! I mean,
now we're celebrating a sick day?
MALE WORKER
I think it's nice.
ELAINE
What? What is nice? Trying to fill the
void in your life with flour and sugar
and egg and vanilla? I mean, we are
all unhappy. Do we have to be fat, too?
Not you Becky, I know you have a slow
metabolism. I don't want one more piece
of cake in my office!
Another worker enters late.
WORKER
Get well, get well soon--
MALE WORKER
It's not happening.
They all start to leave disappointed.
BECKY
Can we still it eat?
EXT. MONK'S DINER - NIGHT - ESTABLISHING
INT. MONK'S DINER - NIGHT
Jerry and Lisi sit at the usual booth.
JERRY
I'll tell you Lisi, I never expected
that movie to--
LISI
End under water?
JERRY
Be that long. I mean, most action movies
are--
LISI
So much more violent.
JERRY
Not as long.
LISI
Well, I should probably--
JERRY
Get going.
LISI
Yeah.
They both stand.
JERRY
Well, it was nice meeting you. I'm sure
I'll see you--
LISI
Eight tomorrow?
JERRY
Actually, that's--
LISI
What you were thinking.
JERRY
Right.
Lisi leaves and Jerry goes to pay the cashier. George enters.
GEORGE
Oh! Here you are. Ha ha...You, uh, you
want to--
JERRY
Sure. (points at booth) How about this
one?
They both sit down at their booth.
GEORGE
Well, I'm doing it, Jerry. I'm buying
the Frogger machine. Now the torch will
burn forever.
JERRY
Fabulous. See, now you're really do
something.
GEORGE
So, you want to come down to Mario's
Pizza with me and help me pick up the
Frogger?
JERRY
Hey, how you gonna keep the machine
plugged in while you move it?
GEORGE
What?
JERRY
Once you unplug the machine, all the
scores will be erased.
GEORGE
You're right. Why must there always
be a problem? You'd think just once
I could get a break. God knows I earned
it with that score!
George gets up and leaves in a huff.
EXT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY- ESTABLISHING
KRAMER
Well, more bad news Jerry.
INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY
Kramer and Jerry are talking near the kitchen counter. George
is sitting at the table on Jerry's cordless phone. An open phone
book is in front of him.
KRAMER
You know the police, they found another
victim of the Lopper in Riverside Park.
I saw the photo, and it looked a lot
like you.
JERRYL Oh, come on. There's a lot of people walking around the
city that look like me.
KRAMER
Not as many as there used to be.
GEORGE
No. I need a guy that can rig a Frogger
machine so that I can move it without
losing power, 'cause I have the high
score. H-hello?
Kramer peels and eats an orange.
KRAMER
You know, George, you're not gonna find
an electrician like that in the yellow
pages. Now, I know just the guy who
can do this.
JERRY
Another friend?
KRAMER
Oh, no, no, no. This guy is no friend.
In fact, we don't even get along.
GEORGE
Well, is he good, Kramer?
George gets up and walks towards Kramer.
KRAMER
Oh, he's the best...and the worst.
GEORGE
Kramer, listen to me. I'm never gonna
have a child. If I lose this Frogger
high score, that's it for me.
KRAMER
Believe me George, you can count on
Slippery Pete.
GEORGE
Slippery Pete?
KRAMER
Yeah, I don't care for the name, either.
In fact, that's one of the things that
we argue about.
GEORGE
All right, I'm gonna find a guy with
a truck. GLC must live on!
George grabs his coat and leaves the apartment. The phone rings.
Jerry tries to get by Kramer.
JERRY
Come on.
KRAMER
Dng-ga-gng-ga-wt.
Jerry picks up the phone.
JERRY
Hello?
INTERCUT
INT. ELAINE'S OFFICE/JERRY'S APARTMENT
Elaine is on the phone and is smelling her tape dispenser.
ELAINE
So how's it going with my friend?
JERRY
She's a sentence finisher. It's like
dating Mad Libs.
People can be heard singing "Happy Birthday" in the background
of Elaine's office.
JERRY
What is that?
ELAINE
Oh, it's a cake party. It's the third
one today. I didn't realize how hooked
I got on that 4:00 sugar rush.
JERRY
So join in.
ELAINE
I can't. I denounced them. Maybe I'll
go raid Peterman's fridge. He's always
got a truffle or something in there.
JERRY
All right.
Jerry hangs up and stands up to find some police tape around
a broken egg on the floor.
JERRY
Hey, wh-what--
KRAMER
Yeah. I dropped an egg. Be careful.
Kramer leaves.
EXT. J. PETERMAN BUILDING - DAY - ESTABLISHING
INT. J. PETERMAN'S OFFICE - DAY
Elaine knocks on the open door.
ELAINE
Anybody here? Peterboy?
No one answers. She runs over to Peterman's fridge, opens it,
and takes out a box. She opens the box to find a cake.
ELAINE
Ooh, it's a cake walk.
She takes a bite of the cake. Outside in the hallway, Mr. Peterman
can be heard singing.
PETERMAN
Get well, get well soon we wish you
to get well.
Elaine quickly puts the box back in the fridge. Mr. Peterman
enters his office.
PETERMAN
Ha ha ha ha...Oh, what a stirring little
anthem of wellness.
ELAINE
Mr. Peterman, um--
PETERMAN
We missed you at the get well party.
Poor old Walt has a polyp in the duodenum.
It's benign, but--ooh--still a bastard.
Oh, Elaine, can you keep a secret?
ELAINE
No, sir, I can't.
PETERMAN
Inside that small college boy minifridge
is my latest acquisition. A slice of
cake from the wedding of King Edward
VIII to Wallis Simpson, circa 1937,
price--$29,000.
EXT. CITY SIDEWALK - NIGHT
Jerry and Lisi walk along.
JERRY
Well Lisi, that was another-
LISI
Lovely evening.
JERRY
Really bad meal. I was thinking maybe
we should--
LISI
Go for a hansom cab ride?
JERRY
Call it a night. I'll walk you home.
Where do you live?
LISI
84th street, right off Riverside Park.
JERRY
Riverside Park.
Jerry grabs Lisi and turns around.
LISI
I thought we were going--
JERRY
Back to my place. That's right.
EXT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY - ESTABLISHING
George and Jerry are sitting on the sofa.
GEORGE
So you slept with her?
JERRY
She lives right off Riverside Park.
I was scared of the Lopper, So I let
her stay over.
GEORGE
And you automatically sleep with her?
JERRY
Well, I just wanted to make out a little,
but she kind of--
GEORGE
Finished your thought.
George gets up and walks over to the sink. Elaine enters.
ELAINE
Guess what I ate.
GEORGE
An ostrich burger.
ELAINE
No. A $29,000 piece of cake. Peterman
got it at The Duke Of Windsor auction.
It was the most romantic thing I've
ever eaten.
JERRY
How'd it taste?
ELAINE
A little stale.
JERRY
Yeah.
GEORGE
So, uh are you sleeping with Peterman?
ELAINE
No. He doesn't know I ate it. In fact,
he almost caught me. I have to sneak
back in and even it out.
GEORGE
You know, they say ostrich has less
fat, but you eat more of it.
Jerry and Elaine start to walk from the counter towards the table.
ELAINE
Hey, so I talked to Lisi and she has
got a big surprise for you. She's planning
a weekend trip to Pennsylvania Dutch
country.
JERRY
Pennsylvania Dutch country? Oh, that's
the serious relationship weekend place.
EALINE
What is going on with you two?
JERRY
Well, I think by sleeping with her,
I may have sent her the wrong message.
GEORGE
What's that?
Elaine opens up a paper bag and pulls out a cookie.
ELAINE
4:00 sugar fix.
JERRY
Well, I'm calling this off right now.
ELAINE
No, no. You are way past the phone call
breakup stage.
JERRY
Well, I'm not going over there. That's
where the Lopper is.
ELAINE
Oh...it's daylight. It won't take you
that long. Just make a clean break.
Elaine bites the head of her gingerbread man.
EXT. J. PETERMAN BUILDING - DAY - ESTABLISHING
ELAINE
Just a little off the side...
INT. J. PETERMAN'S OFFICE - DAY
Elaine is at Mr. Peterman's desk with the cake box.
ELAINE
Well, no point in wasting $1,200.
She eats a slice of the cake as fantasy waltz music starts to
play. Elaine dances around the room talking to one of the sculptures
in the room.
ELAINE
Oh, commander, isn't the wedding marvelous?
More cake? Oh, I shouldn't. I mustn't.
Ah, what the hell?
She gets more cake.
EXT. MONK'S DINER - DAY - ESTABLISHING
GEORGE
Now, each of you is here because you're
the best at what you do.
INT. MONK'S DINER - DAY
George, Kramer, Slippery Pete, and Shlomo sit at a booth.
GEORGE
Slippery Pete, Kramer tells me you are
one hell of a rogue electrician. And
shlomo, you're the best truck driver.
SHLOMO
I don't know If I'm the best.
GEORGE
Oh...you're very good.
SHLOMO
Let's say "good."
GEORGE
Ok. Good. And Kramer, you're in charge
of taping off the loading zone.
KRAMER
Lock and load.
SLIPPERY PETE
You think you can handle that, numb
nuts?
KRAMER
All right, all right, come on, now.
SLIPPERY PETE
That was my mail-order bride.
KRAMER
Hey, you weren't home, so I signed for
her.
SLIPPERY PETE
It doesn't give you the right to make
out with her.
KRAMER
You weren't even married yet.
GEORGE
All right, all right, calm down, calm
down. Whatever happened in the past
is past.
George gets a napkin and starts to draw on it.
GEORGE
Now, this is the basic layout for Mario's
Pizza.
SHLOMO
So what kind of jail time are we looking
at if we're caught?
GEORGE
What do you mean?
SLIPPERY PETE
We're stealing this thing, right?
GEORGE
No. I--I paid for it.
SLIPPERY PETE
I thought we were stealing it.
KRAMER
Yeah. It feels like we're stealing it.
GEORGE
We're not stealing it.
SHLOMO
I definitely thought we're stealing
it.
GEORGE
All right, let's--let's focus. Can we
get back to the plan?
SLIPPERY PETE
Well, I need a battery for this kind
of a job. Can I at least steal a battery?
GEORGE
Fine. Steal the battery. Now, all right,
here is the Frogger. This is the front
door, and this is the outlet.
SLIPPERY PETE
What's that?
GEORGE
The outlet?
SLIPPERY PETE
Mm-hmm.
GEORGE
That's where the electricity comes out.
SLIPPERT PETE
Oh, you mean the holes.
SHLOMO
Which one's the bathroom?
GEORGE
Uh, here.
SHLOMO
They put the Frogger with the toilet?
Yecchh.
GEORGE
The Frogger is here.
KRAMER
George, I thought that was the door.
SLIPPERY PETE
Where are all the pizza ovens?
SHLOMO
I thought the bathroom was here.
INT. MARIO'S PIZZA - DAY
George, Shlomo, Slippery Pete, and Kramer are sitting in the
same places as they were in the booth at Monk's, but this time
they are around a table at Mario's.
GEORGE
All right. You understand now? It's
not that complicated.
EXT. MONK'S DINER - DAY - ESTABLISHING
ELAINE
I need to replace an antique piece of
cake.
INT. MONK'S DINER - DAY
Elaine is sitting at the counter with a Sotheby's auction book
open in front of her.
ELAINE
Do you have anything that's been...you
know, laying around for a while? Something
prewar would be just great.
The waitress leaves and Kramer enters.
KRAMER
Oh, hey, Elaine. What, you got the munchies?
ELAINE
Oh, Kramer, I am in big. big, big trouble.
I need a cake that looks like this.
KRAMER
Oh, yeah--Sotheby's. Yeah. They make
good cake.
ELAINE
Do any of these look close?
KRAMER
No, but I know I've seen cake just like
that. Oh--Entenmann's. Yeah.
ELAINE
Entenmann's? From the supermarket?
KRAMER
Well, no. They're not really in the
supermarket. Yeah, they got their own
case at the end of the aisle.
INT. LISI'S APARTMENT - DAY
There's a knock at the door. Lisi opens it. It's Jerry holding
a baseball bat.
JERRY
Hi, Lisi.
LISI
Hi, honey. Is that a bat?
JERRY
Uh, yeah. I found it on the street.
It's gotta be worth something.
LISI
So, what do you want to do, Sweetheart?
JERRY
Well, before we do anything...maybe
we should talk.
MONTAGE
Lisi is sitting at her couch while Jerry paces behind her.
JERRY
Then this Pennsylvania Dutch thing comes
out of nowhere. I mean, how am I supposed
to respond to that?
Both Jerry and Lisi are on the couch. Jerry has his head in his
hands.
LISI
Then may I say something... without
being interrupted?
Lisi is in another room with the door closed. Jerry stands in
the hallway and is talking to her through the door.
JERRY
Well I'm sorry if I ruined your life.
That's exactly what I set out to do.
They are sitting on the couch again. Jerry nods at everything
Lisi mumbles.
LISI
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh...
Now Jerry is sitting on the couch and Lisi is pacing behind him.
LISI
Are you afraid to kiss me in public?
JERRY
Have we even been in public?
Jerry is walking away from Lisi and she follows behind him.
LISI
So now you're going to tell me what
I'm thinking. Well, go ahead, 'cause
I'd really like to know.
Lisi is crying and Jerry stands looking over her shoulder.
JERRY
You are not dumb. Don't say that..
They both sit around the coffee table eating beans.
JERRY
These beans are pretty good.
LISI
20 minutes.
Now Jerry is in a room with the door shut. Lisi stands out in
the hallway.
JERRY
Well, I'm sorry I'm not Brad. I'm me!
Jerry opens the door.
JERRY
Nice to meet ya!
Jerry is lying on the couch while Lisi paces behind.
LISI
Boy, did your mother do a number on
you.
Lisi is on the couch with Kleenex and Jerry stands on the other
side of the couch.
LISI
Fine. So it's over.
JERRY
Oh, thank god. Why is it dark out? What
time is it?
LISI
9:30.
JERRY
We've been breaking up for 10 hours?
LISI
Good-bye, Jerry.
JERRY
Lopper. You know, Lisi, maybe we should
give this a little more time. See how
it looks in the light of day.
LISI
Out!
EXT. LISI'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Jerry steps out of Lisi's building. He looks both ways cautiously
before walking down the steps. Surprised, he sees a shadowy figure
walking towards him holding something resembling a head in one
hand and a knife in the other.
JERRY
Lopper.
He quickly runs back up to Lisi's building and yells into her
intercom system.
JERRY
Lisi, Lisi. Let me in! We can work this
out. I was wrong, you were right. I'll
do anything!
She buzzes him up.
Just as he walks into the building, we see the Lopper is actually
Slippery Pete carrying a car battery by it's wires.
EXT. CITY SIDEWALK - DAY
Jerry stands outside a boutique store when George arrives carrying
rope.
GEORGE
Jerry, you came for the big moment.
JERRY
No. I'm waiting for...
GEORGE
Ha ha. Everything's timed out to perfection,
Jerry. Slippery Pete's got the Frogger
running on battery power, the truck
will be there any minute, and Kramer's
taped out the loading zone.
JERRY
Oh. Sounds great.
GEORGE
Yeah, yeah. You gotta come over tonight.
We can play.
JERRY
Oh, I can't. I'm busy. I'm going away
on a long weekend.
GEORGE
Where?
Lisi exits the boutique wearing a Dutch bonnet.
LISI
Look what I found. I got one for you,
too.
She puts a Dutch hat on Jerry head.
JERRY
Great. Uh, you know what? Why don't
you put it in the car so I don't toss
it in that dumpster?
LISI
Ha ha. Ok. I'll meet thee in front of
your place, 15 minutes.
Lisi leaves.
JERRY
A long, long weekend.
GEORGE
I hear thee.
INT. J. PETERMAN'S OFFICE - DAY
Elaine has finished replacing the cake. She throws the empty
Entenmann's box away. She's about to leave, but Mr. Peterman
enters with another man.
PETERMAN
Elaine! Excellent. I'd like you to meet
a friend of mine, Irwin Lubeck.
ELAINE
Oh, hello.
LUBECK
Charmed.
Mr. Peterman gets the cake out of the fridge.
PETERMAN
All right, brace yourself, Lubeck. You
are about to be launched via pastry
back to the wedding of one of the most
dashing and romantic Nazi sympathizers
of the entire British Royal family.
ELAINE
I guess I'll just--
PETERMAN
Oh, no Elaine, stay. Lubeck here is
the world's foremost appraiser of vintage
pastry.
Lubeck inspects the cake.
PETERMAN
All right, Lubeck. How much is she worth?
LUBECK
I'd say about 219.
PETERMAN
Ha ha ha ha ha!$219,000! Lubeck, you
glorious titwillow. You just made me
a profit of $190,000.
LUBECK
No, $2.19. It's an Entenmann's.
PETERMAN
Do they have a castle at Windsor?
LUBECK
No. They have a display case at the
end of the aisle.
PETERMAN
Oh, good lord.
LUBECK
You all right, Peterman? You look ill.
ELAINE
Get well, get well soon, we want you
to get well. Get well, get well soon
we want you to get well.
EXT. CITY SIDEWALK - DAY
George and Jerry see Kramer, Shlomo, and Slippery Pete standing
outside Mario's Pizza. Slippery Pete is playing Frogger.
GEORGE
What are you guys doing?
SHLOMO
Eat the fly. Eat the fly. Got him!
GEORGE
You idiots. You're gonna wear down the
battery.
SLIPPERY PETE
The batteries are fine. We've got...oh,
god. only 3 minutes left.
GEORGE
Quick. Get this thing back in the pizzeria
KRAMER
George, they closed up.
GEORGE
I need an outlet!
SLIPPERY PETE
A what?
GEORGE
Holes! I need holes!
KRAMER
The pharmacy's still open.
GEORGE
All right. Kramer, you block off traffic.
You to go sweet-talk the pharmacist.
Shlomo and Slippery Pete go to the pharmacy.
SLIPPERY PETE
You owe me a quarter.
GEORGE
Slippery Pete. Kramer, hurry up!
Kramer ties the police tape to a tree and runs into traffic.
He runs out of tape before he can get halfway.
KRAMER
Ahh! I'm out! No tape left!
JERRY
Well, come on George, I'll help you
push it across.
GEORGE
Wait a minute. This looks familiar.
This reminds me of something. I can
do this.
JERRY
By yourself?
GEORGE
Jerry, I've been preparing for this
moment my entire life.
George pushes the machine onto the street. From a view in the
sky, we see him dodging cars, hopping back and forth into lanes
of traffic. Frogger music and sound effects play.
SHLOMO
He looks like a Frog.
SLIPPERY PETE
So do you.
George makes it across just as a huge truck comes barreling down
the street. George tries to get the Frogger onto the sidewalk,
but can't. He futilely sticks his hand out trying to stop the
truck which honks. George jumps out of the truck's way and onto
the sidewalk as the Frogger is smashed.
JERRY
Game over.
INT. J. PETERMAN'S OFFICE - DAY
Mr. Peterman sits in his chair behind his desk. Elaine knocks
and enters.
ELAINE
Mr. Peterman, you wanted to see me,
sir?
PETERMAN
Elaine, up until a moment ago, I was
convinced that I was on the receiving
end of one of the oldest baker's grift
in the books--The Entenmann's shim-sham.
EALINE
Ohh...
PETERMAN
Until I remembered the videotape surveillance
system that I installed to catch other-Walter
using my latrine. But it also caught
this.
Mr. Peterman shows Elaine the tape of her waltzing around the
room eating the cake.
EALINE
Mr. Peterman, I, uh...
PETERMAN
Elaine, I have a question for you. Is
the item still...with you?
ELAINE
Um...as far as I know.
PETERMAN
Do you know what happens to a butter-based
frosting after six decades in a poorly
ventilated English basement?
ELAINE
Uh, I guess I hadn't--
PETERMAN
Well, I have a feeling that what you
are about to go through is punishment
enough. Dismissed.
THE END
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