THE STAND-IN
Written by
Larry David
(Comedy Club)
JERRY
The bus is the single stupidest, fattest,
slowest, most despised vehicle on the
road. Isn't it? You ever notice when
you get behind the bus, people in your
car go 'what are you doing? get away,
come on.' The back of the bus is like
an eclipse isn't it? people are just
like 'the sun, where's the sun?' It's
like this huge metal ass taking up the
whole wind shield of your car. When
it pulls out it even sounds like a fat
uncle trying to get out of a sofa. (acts
like he is trying to get out of a car
and makes the sound of a bus/guy starting
to get going)
(Jerry and George on a Bus)
GEORGE
It's just not good, it's not good.
JERRY
It's not good.
GEORGE
I'm bored. She's boring, I'm boring,
we're both boring. We got out to eat,
we both read newspapers.
JERRY
Well at breakfast everybody reads.
GEORGE
No. Lunch we read, dinner we read.
JERRY
You read during lunch?
GEORGE
Ya
JERRY
Oh, well.
GEORGE
There's nothing to talk about.
JERRY
Ya, what's there to talk about.
GEORGE
Well at least you and I are talking
about how there's nothing to talk about.
JERRY
Why don't you talk to her about how
there's nothing to talk about?
GEORGE
She knows there is nothing to talk about.
JERRY
At least you'll be talking.
GEORGE
Oh shut up.
(Al comes onto the bus)
AL
Hey, look who's here.
JERRY
Hey, Al.
GEORGE
Hey, Al. How's it going?
AL
(extremely happy) Deeply in love. We
have soo many things to talk about.
Sometimes we'll talk all night, till
the sun comes up (pauses in his happiness;
to George) so how about you?
GEORGE
Oh I'm seeing someone, yes. You know
her, Daphne Bower.
AL
Great girl.
GEORGE
We have no need to speak. We communicate
with deep soulful looks.
JERRY
Like Dwight and Mamie Eisenhower.
AL
(to Jerry) Oh did you hear about Fulton?
JERRY
Ya.
AL
I went by the hospital to see him a
few days ago (looking at Jerry) think
he'd really like you to come visit.
JERRY
Me?
AL
Ya, he said he could use a good laugh.
GEORGE
What about me?
AL
(to George) He didn't mention you. (Looks
toward the front of the bus) This is
my stop. Uh see ya.
GEORGE
Ya
JERRY
Ya, see ya.
(Al leaves)
GEORGE
Deeply in love. If you can't say anything
bad about a relationship, you shouldn't
say anything at all.
JERRY
(points to George) Ya.
(Jerry's apartment)
(Jerry and George enter the apartment)
GEORGE
I didn't even know Fulton was in the
hospital.
JERRY
Could use a good laugh. You know what
kind of pressure that is? Come on, come
with me.
GEORGE
Na no, I'm not good in these situations.
I can't hide my pity. I..I make em feel
worse.
JERRY
Oh, stop it.
GEORGE
Ya and also I'm afraid that people in
that state are finally going to tell
me what they really think of me. You
know they got nothing to lose what do
they care?
JERRY
So you're not gonna come?
GEORGE
No but say hello for me.
(Kramer and Mickey enter)
KRAMER
Hey!
JERRY
Hey! Hey Mick.
MICKEY
Hey Jerry.
KRAMER
What's doing?
JERRY
Nothing, what's doing with you?
KRAMER
Same old, same old.
JERRY
George this is Mickey.
GEORGE
Hi, nice to meet you.
(George and Mickey shake hands)
MICKEY
Pleasure.
JERRY
How's work going you guys?
MICKEY
Lets not even talk about it.
GEORGE
(to Kramer) You got a job?
KRAMER
Ya, Mickey. He hooked me up. We're stand-ins
for the actors on 'All My Children.'
Mickey, he's a stand-in for an eight
year old kid and I stand in for the
kids father.
MICKEY
(to Jerry then both Jerry and George)
But I got a big problem. The kid I stand
in for, he's growing. He was four feet
last month, now he's like four-two and
a half. He shot up two and a half inches.
I can do four-two, four-three is a stretch,
any higher than that and I'm gonna be
out on my ass doing that paralegal crap.
JERRY
How do you stop a kid from growing?
KRAMER
(to Mickey) I told you, you should offer
him some cigarettes.
MICKEY
I offered him cigarettes, (to Jerry
and George) but his stupid mother is
hanging around. She won't let him have
any.
KRAMER
(to Mickey) What about lifts?
MICKEY
(to Kramer) Out of the question.
GEORGE
(to Mickey) Can't you just switch with
another Midget?
(Mickey grabs the counter with rage on his face, Jerry does a
form of gulp)
MICKEY
(turns and moves up to George, points
his finger at him) It's little people,
you got that?
KRAMER
Easy Mickey, easy.
GEORGE
Yap..
KRAMER
All right we gotta get back to the show.
What are you guys doing?
JERRY
I'm going to the hospital, to visit
Fulton.
KRAMER
(on his way to the door) Oh, oh well
say hello for me.
(Kramer and Mickey leave Jerry's apartment and enter the hallway)
KRAMER
Now look, we're going to stop at the
shoe maker right now. You gotta get
some lifts for your shoes.
MICKEY
Lifts?! Look Kramer you don't understand,
this kind of thing is just not done.
KRAMER
You wanna keep your job don't you?
MICKEY
Ya but..
(Kramer interrupts him)
KRAMER
YAH! No Buts
MICKEY
Kramer
(Kramer interrupts again)
KRAMER
(with his hand in Mickey's face) YAAAAAH!
(Fulton's Hospital Room)
(Fulton lying in the Hospital Bed, Jerry Enters)
JERRY
Hey, woahoh Fulton. It's me.
FULTON
Hey Jerry, good to see ya. I could really
use a good laugh.
JERRY
Who couldn't.
FULTON
I haven't cracked a smile in months.
JERRY
Oh don't worry, you'll crack. Cracking's
inevitable, first you crack then you
chuckle. That was the motto with the
Russians at the Caesar Leningrad...
first you crack then you chuckle. (Fulton
looks at him not amused) You know because
Leningrad when the Nazis attacked, it
wasn't a very happy time... because
of the war, famine, plus it was cold,
very cold... they were eating each other.
(Nervous under the pressure; Fulton
not finding anything Jerry is saying
funny) Maybe this isn't a good time
for a visit.
FULTON
It's a fine time.
JERRY
Oh, all right ah well... There's a priest,
a minister and a rabbi, and they're
all staring at him....
(Monk's)
(George and Daphne sitting in a booth reading the paper)
GEORGE
(sets down his paper) So how were the
eggs?
DAPHNE
Eggs are eggs.
GEORGE
(Not amused with her answer) Eggs are
eggs. That is very profound. (laughs;
Daphne goes back to reading her paper)
By the same token you could say fish
is fish. Ha ha ha, I don't think so.
(pauses) Listen Daphne
DAPHNE
(correcting George) Daphne.
GEORGE
Daphne. I have to tell you something,
this is very difficult...
DAPHNE
(interrupts and hurriedly puts down
her paper) Oh, I forgot to tell you.
Al Netchie called me today.
GEORGE
Ya, ya. I bumped into him on the bus.
What did he have to say?
DAPHNE
He told me not to get involved with
you.
GEORGE
What?
DAPHNE
Ya, he said you could never make a commitment
to any one and you'd just wind up (reaches
out and lightly slaps George's hand)
hurting me.
GEORGE
He said that? (Daphne shacks her head)
What a nerve. How dare he say something
like that.
DAPHNE
Is it true?
GEORGE
Of course not. I mean sure, there may
have been one or two occasions in the
past, when I may have reacted in uh
impulsive or somewhat immature manner,
but those days are well behind me.
(ABC Studios)
(All My Children Set)
SON
How long are you going to be away for
Daddy?
FATHER
I'm not really going away, I told you,
I'll be back every other weekend.
SON
Don't go Daddy, don't go.
FATHER
Now Porter, you know your mother and
I love you very much, but sometimes
people fall out of love. Now give me
a big hug.
DIRECTOR
(walks into the scene) ...and there's
your scene. Stand-ins
KRAMER
Yo
STAGE HAND
All right you guys get on their spots
so we can fix the lights.
(Mickey and Kramer walk onto the set and get into positions)
KRAMER
(taps the Father on the shoulder) That's
good work.
MICKEY
(quickly with no acting) How long you
going to be away for Daddy?
KRAMER
(trying to act like the guy playing
the Father) I'm not really going away,
I told you I'd be back every other weekend.
MICKEY
(tugs on Kramer's coat) Don't go Daddy,
don't...go.
KRAMER
Now listen Porter, you know your mother
and I love you very much. But sometimes
people fall out of love. Now give me
a big hug.
(Kramer and Mickey go to hug and Kramer's pipe hits Mickey in
the face)
MICKEY
Ah! (pauses for the hug) all right (Kramer
still holding on) all right! Kramer!
(pushes Kramer off him)
DIRECTOR
Ok everybody that's lunch... one hour.
(The director pauses and looks at Mickey as if something is different)
KRAMER
How do those lifts feel?
MICKEY
Quiet.
TAMMY
Hi guys.
MICKEY
Hey Tammy.
TAMMY
Hey, you look different. Have you been
working out?
MICKEY
(looks at Kramer) Not that I know of.
TAMMY
Well whatever it is you're doing, keep
doing it you look great.
MICKEY
How about lunch?
TAMMY
OH I can't today, but um I see it our
future. (starts to leave) See ya Kramer.
KRAMER
Ya.
TAMMY
Bye Mickey
KRAMER
Ooo she likes you buddy (they to a high
five hand shake)
KRAMER & MICKEY
Ya!
MICKEY
All of a sudden.
KRAMER
What?
JOHNNY
Hey Mick.
MICKEY
How you doin' Johnny?
JOHNNY
What gives...what's going on? Goin'
out with Tammy?
MICKEY
Maybe. What's it to you?
JOHNNY
Somethin' different about you.
MICKEY
I got my hair cut that's all (turns
to look at Kramer)
JOHNNY
Nah, that's not it. Something else...
Ya you look different.
(Kramer starts eating a sandwich)
MICKEY
You don't, you got the same ugly mug
since the day I met ya.
JOHNNY
I don't know what it is, but I'll find
out. (walking away) I'll find out.
(Kramer and Mickey look at each other, Mickey makes a pointing
motion as if to reference the conversation with Johnny, Kramer
shakes his head no.)
(Back to Jerry with Fulton)
JERRY
..so uh she's just sitting there and
a uh Pachyderm, you remember the derm.
He says uh, I'm gonna go up to her.
So we uh he uh picks up the two pieces
of (wipes his brow) pizza and uh the
uh and then they're steaming hot and
they're burning his hands see so he...
he's juggling em (does juggling motions)
he's jugglin em, jus throwing them up
in the air and just as he gets up to
her down they go. (Swallows and takes
a breath) Well we all just lost it.
(Fulton not laughing, stone faced) It
was really, really, funny.
(Phil Enters)
PHIL
Hey Jerry.
JERRY
Hey Phil how you doing?
PHIL
You look terrific.
JERRY
I got my health.
PHIL
Well, that's the most important thing.
(to Fulton) Hey how ya doing Fulton!
Octane, Butane, Nitrane! (Fulton looks
at him still stone faced and not amused.
To Jerry) How's he doing?
JERRY
(wiping his brow) He could use a couple
laughs.
(Jerry's Apartment)
(Jerry and Elaine)
ELAINE
You should have told that story about
Pachyderm dropping the pizza.
(Buzzer)
JERRY
I told it. (Answers the buzzer) Ya?
GEORGE
(on the speaker) Ya
JERRY
Ya. (hits the button, opens the door.
To Elaine) Hey you know what as I was
leaving I bumped into Phil Titola. He
is one of the greatest guys.
ELAINE
Do I know him?
JERRY
No, but I'll tell you something. Of
all the guys I know, I could envision
you going out with him.
ELAINE
If you were a woman would you go out
with him?
JERRY
If I was a woman I'd be down at the
dock waiting for the fleet to come in.
ELAINE
(laughs) Ya, I bet you would. all right,
give him my number.
JERRY
all right.
(George Enters)
GEORGE
This you are not going to believe. Al
Netchie, that pimple. Tells Daphne,
not get this 'Not to get involved with
me.'
JERRY
What?
GEORGE
Ya. That's what she told me.
ELAINE
Why?
GEORGE
Because he's afraid she's gonna get
hurt.
ELAINE
Is she?
GEORGE
Of course.
ELAINE
So?
GEORGE
Wa.. He doesn't have to tell her.
ELAINE
Maybe he likes her.
GEORGE
Oh no no no. He's deeply in love, and
I was just about to break up with her
when she told me.
JERRY
So what are you gonna do?
GEORGE
Well I can't break up with her now.
JERRY
Why?
GEORGE
Because he said I was going to.
ELAINE
So now you're going to keep going out
with her, for spite?
GEORGE
Yes, I am.
JERRY
Ya, I could see that.
GEORGE
I don't see any way around it.
JERRY
No, me either.
GEORGE
What choice do I have?
JERRY
None.
(ABC Studio Locker Room)
(Mickey walks in to discover his Locker is open and that his
lifts where in there)
(Jerry's Apartment)
(Jerry and Kramer)
JERRY
Fulton's wife told me it's all my fault.
She said since my visit he's taken a
turn for the worse.
KRAMER
Did you tell him the Pachyderm story?
JERRY
(yelling) Yes I told him the Pachyderm
story!
KRAMER
Maybe I outta go over there.
JERRY
Towards what end?
KRAMER
I'm very good with sick people. They
love me. When my friend Len Nicodemo
had the gout, I moved into his hospital
room for three days, the doctors were
amazed at his recovery.
(Knocking on the Door)
(Jerry and Kramer walk over to it, Kramer opens it to reveal
Mickey)
KRAMER
Hey.
JERRY
Hey Mick.
MICKEY
(to Kramer) Johnny Vigiano went through
my locker.
KRAMER
YAOH!
MICKEY
(slamming the door) That little Bastard!
He saw the lifts in my shoes. He knows
I'm heightening. (to Kramer) This never
would have happened if you hadn't pushed
me to get those things. I told you.
KRAMER
Hey, nobody put a gun to your head.
MICKEY
Ya well just keep out of my business
you big ape. (pushes Kramer)
KRAMER
Who you calling big ape? (pushes Mickey
back)
MICKEY
You (grabs Kramer)
(Mickey and Kramer begin a struggle)
JERRY
(starts pulling them apart) All right
break it up, break it up. Come on, just
cut it out now (Kramer yells)
KRAMER
(pacing back and forth) Ya.
JERRY; Behave yourselves.
MICKEY
I'm sorry Kramer.
KRAMER
No no it's all right, it's all right.
You're stressed Oout!
JERRY
(to Mickey) Why does this guy Johnny
have it in for you?
MICKEY
Oh, he's always been jealous of me.
I always get to stand in for the bigger
stars; The Cosby Kids, Ricky Schroder,
Macaulay Culkin.
KRAMER
(whistles) What's he like huh?
MICKEY
He's a good kid.
KRAMER
Ya?
JERRY
So what does he care if you put lifts
in?
MICKEY
You don't understand. There's an unwritten
code about this kind of thing. I could
be ostracized. I remember when I was
a kid, some guy tried to heighten. He
lost his job, lost his friends, Everything.
Oh, I knew I was crazy to try this kind
of thing, but I was so desperate. (pauses
laying on the couch; jumps up) What
is this kid taking anyway? Hormones?
Steroids? Would you tell me!?
(George's car outside Daphne's place)
DAPHNE
George, tomorrow's Sunday. We could
sleep late, and get the paper and half
breakfast and spend the morning together,
go for a long walk, maybe do a little
shopping, have lunch...
GEORGE
(interrupts her) You know what. I don't
think I'm going to be able to stay over
tonight.
DAPHNE
Why not?
GEORGE
I, I really should go home. Ya.. actually
I'm planning on spending the day with
my father tomorrow (short laugh) we're
uh we're going to a father-son picnic,
just the two of us.
DAPHNE
I thought we were going to spend the
day together.
GEORGE
Well Dad's been planning this for such
a long time, he bought a new blanket,
and he got tha...that game with foam
paddles and the Velcro ball. (laughs)
DAPHNE
Have you given any more thought to what
we talked about? You know, moving in?
GEORGE
Yes, oh yes very much.
DAPHNE
Maybe you don't want to move in.
GEORGE
No, no I do. You know it's just...
DAPHNE
(interrupting him) Maybe Al Netchie
was right, maybe I shouldn't have gotten
involved with you.
GEORGE
(angry that she believes Al was right)
No he's not right. Al Netchie is not
right! all right I'm canceling the father-son
picnic. I don't know what he's gonna
do with all that potato salad.
(Elaine and Phil in Phil's car outside Elaine's Apartment)
ELAINE
(Phil cracking up) So then Pachyderm
picks up the pieces of pizza, and mind
you know they are burning hot.. he can
barely hold 'em. I mean he's like trying
to juggle (does a juggling motion and
begins laughing) the pizza, you know
ah. And then they go flying out of...
PHIL
(dying of laughter) I'm peeing in my
pants.
ELAINE
(cont.) they go flying out of his hands,
and one lands on her face and the other
lands on his face. (pause as they both
continue to laugh really hard) and the
whole place went crazy.
PHIL
Oh, I'm sorry, Oh. What a story.
ELAINE
I know, I know, I was unbelievable
(laughter dying)
PHIL
Oh that is one of the funniest stories
I've ever heard.
ELAINE
(wipes her eyes because she laughed
so hard she cried) I know.
PHIL
Well this has been one hell of a night.
ELAINE
Oh, I'm sorry Jerry didn't suggest this
sooner.
PHIL
You know, you really are beautiful Elaine.
ELAINE
Oh, well, (pauses) Good night.
PHIL
Good night?
ELAINE
Well (leans in to kiss Phil, then looks
down at his pants with a awkward look
on her face)
(Jerry's Apartment)
(Jerry sitting on a stool on the phone)
JERRY
(on phone) Come on Adrian give me another
chance, I know I could cheer Fulton
up. I'll tell you what, I'll do my act
(pauses for response from Adrian) No
new material (Elaine enters) He's never
heard it. He'll love it, I just did
it at the Concord last week. It killed.
(waves hello to Elaine; pauses for response
from Adrian) Thank you, thanks fo..
you will not regret this. Ok, Bye. (hangs
up phone; to Elaine) Hey.
ELAINE
Hello.
JERRY
So?
ELAINE
What?
JERRY
Come on. How was your date?
ELAINE
Oh, the date. The date.
JERRY
Ya how was it?
ELAINE
Interesting.
JERRY
Really.
ELAINE
Oh ya.
JERRY
Why what happened?
ELAINE
Let's see, (thinking) how shall I put
this.
JERRY
Just put it.
ELAINE
He took it out.
JERRY
(confused) He what?
ELAINE
He took (blows on her glasses twice
to clean them) it out.
JERRY
He took what out?
ELAINE
It.
JERRY
He took It, Out?
ELAINE
Yessiree Bob.
JERRY
He couldn't.
ELAINE
He did.
JERRY
(motions of making out) Well you were
involved in some sort of amorous...
ELAINE
Noooo.
JERRY
You mean he just
ELAINE
Yes.
JERRY
Are you sure?
ELAINE
Oh quite.
JERRY
There was no mistaking it?
ELAINE
(looks straight into his eyes) Jerry.
JERRY
So you were talking, (Elaine makes an
agreement sound "mmm") you're having
pleasant conversation, (Elaine makes
an agreement sound "mmm") then all of
sudden...
ELAINE
Yea.
JERRY
It.
ELAINE
It.
JERRY
Out.
ELAINE
Out.
JERRY
Well I, I can't believe this. I know
Phil, he, he's a good friend of mine.
We play softball together. How could
this be?
ELAINE
Oh it be. (sarcastically) You got any
other friends you want to set me up
with?
(Kramer enters)
KRAMER
Hey. (to Elaine) Hey how was your date
with Phil Titola?
ELAINE
(to Kramer) He took it out.
(Shocked, Kramer acts like he just got a cold shiver down his
back)
KRAMER
Maybe uh, it needed some air. You know
sometimes they need air, they can't
breathe in there. It's in human.
(Monk's)
(Jerry and George sitting at the booth nearest to the door)
GEORGE
So she's just sitting there, she's having
a pleasant conversation... and all of
a sudden.
JERRY
It.
GEORGE
It.
JERRY
Out.
GEORGE
Out. (Jerry shakes his head in agreement)
Wow. I spend so much time trying to
get their clothes off, I never thought
of taking mine off. (Jerry nods; George
looks at his watch) all right, Hey come
on, get out of here, Daphne gonna be
here any minute.
JERRY
All right I'm going.
GEORGE
You know what I've come to realize?
I'm not just bored. I genuinely dislike
her.
JERRY
Well how long you are going to keep
this up?
GEORGE
Hey I'll get married if I have to. Al
Netchie will think twice before he opens
his mouth about me again.
JERRY
You know George they are doing wonderful
things at mental institutions these
days. I'd be happy to set-up a meet
and greet.
GEORGE
I'm very disappointed to here you talk
like that. You still don't know what
makes me tick.
JERRY
Yes I do.
GEORGE
What are you doing?
JERRY
I'm going to the hospital to see Fulton.
I'm not even saying hello, I'm going
right into material.
(Fulton's Hospital Room)
(Phil and Jerry in the hall outside Fulton's Room)
PHIL
Ah hey Jer.
JERRY
Oh hey Phil.
PHIL
You know I'm sorry things didn't work
out with Elaine. I don't know what I
did wrong.
JERRY
Well, y..you showed her who you are.
(Phil turns to see a woman breast feeding her baby down the hallway)
PHIL
Oh, look at this, what she's got to
breast feed in public.
JERRY
Ya, that's the.. last thing you want
to see. Well, next to last.
PHIL
I'll see ya.
JERRY
Ya take it easy.
(Phil leaves)
(Jerry enters Fulton's Room)
JERRY
(acting like he was walking on stage)
Hey how ya doing? Good to be here.
(ABC Studios set)
KRAMER & MICKEY
Rock, paper, scissors match.
MICKEY
all right, rock beats paper.
(Mickey smacks Kramer on the hand for losing)
KRAMER
I thought paper covered rock?
MICKEY
Nah, rock flies right through paper.
KRAMER
What beats rock?
MICKEY
(looks at his hand) Nothing beats rock.
KRAMER
all right come on.
KRAMER & MICKEY
Rock, paper, scissors match.
KRAMER
Rock.
MICKEY
Rock
KRAMER & MICKEY
Rock, paper, scissors match.
KRAMER
Rock.
MICKEY
Rock.
(Bob walks by)
MICKEY
Hey Bob. What's with you? You gotta
problem? (to Kramer) You see that look
he gave me? (starts to get up to go
after him)
KRAMER
(stops Mickey) all right, come on.
KRAMER & MICKEY
Rock, paper, scissors match.
KRAMER
Rock.
MICKEY
Rock.
(Tammy walks up)
MICKEY
Hey Tammy.
TAMMY
Hello.
MICKEY
So Tammy, finally, today's our big lunch.
TAMMY
I don't think so.
MICKEY
Why not? What the hell are you talking
about?
TAMMY
Look Mickey, everybody knows that you're
heightening. It's all over the set.
MICKEY
Wait, wait (goes to grab her arm)
TAMMY
(recoils) Don't touch me. You ought
to be ashamed of yourself. All the progress
we made over the years and you go and
blow it by pulling a stupid stunt like
this.
MICKEY
Wait a second, wait a second, you got
me all wrong. It was all because of
the kid. (numerous little people begin
to crowd around them) (to Tammy) The
kid was growing. He shot up two and
a half inches in a month. (to all the
little people) I woulda' lost my job.
Any one of you would have done the same.
You got no right! I'm Mickey Abbott!
I stood in for Punky Brewster when all
of you was nothing. (seeing the crowd
still doesn't agree with what he did,
he points at Kramer) It's all his fault.
(Kramer acts like he doesn't know what
Mickey is talking about) It was his
idea.
TAMMY
Come on Johnny, let's go get something
to eat.
(all the little people leave including Tammy along with Johnny)
MICKEY
(in complete disgust as seeing Tammy
leave with Johnny) AH! (turns and looks
at Kramer) AH!
KRAMER
What?
(Mickey runs and tackles Kramer)
MICKEY
AH!
KRAMER
Mickey!
(Back in Fulton's Hospital Room)
(Jerry is doing material)
JERRY
This guy's belching out vitamins..
FULTON
(dying of laughter and coughing) Stop.
JERRY
(cont.) and this whole justice league,
Batman, Green Lantern, Wonder Woman.
You mean to tell me Superman can't cover
everything?
FULTON
(still laughing and coughing) Stop.
JERRY
For crying out loud, He's Superman.
(Fulton stops laughing, Jerry's face
is stunned) Fulton? (looks at him) Fulton?
(Back at Monk's)
(George and Daphne at the booth nearest to the door)
DAPHNE
George, first let me just say I've never
been with a guy who was so committed
to commit. I mean it's so rare in men
these days an, that's what makes this
all the more difficult.
GEORGE
(happily) Difficult?
DAPHNE
The other day, after work, some girlfriends
and I went to a bar for some drinks
and there was this crazy mishap and
I wound up meeting someone as a result.
George...
GEORGE
(acting disappointed) Oh, please don't.
DAPHNE
Uh, I'm sorry. I'm afraid the worst
of it is it's someone you know. Jerry
Persheck.
GEORGE
Pachyderm?
DAPHNE
Heh, he was carrying these two pieces
of pizza...
THE END
|
