THE SUSIE
Written by
David Mandel
[JERRY and KRAMER are walking down
the street at dusk.]
KRAMER
Look how dark it's gettin' already.
JERRY
Well, it's not Daylight Savings
Time yet.
KRAMER
When does it start?
JERRY
[pause] I don't know, they just
tell you the night before.
KRAMER
Uh. Well, I'm sick o' waiting.
[pulls out his pocket-watch (it
has a chain, too)]
I am springin' ahead riiight now.
JERRY
[under breath] Oh, I'm sure that
won't cause any problems..
[JERRY sees MIKE down the sidewalk.
MIKE's peering into a shop window.]
JERRY
Oh, god, it's Mike Moffit..
KRAMER
Oh now, don't tell me you're still
mad at him for calling you a phony.
Jerry, that was five years ago!
JERRY
I'm not a phony an' I don't want
anything to do with this guy.
KRAMER
Hey! Mike!
MIKE
[sees and is enthused, coming over]
Kramer! Jerry! How's it goin'?!
JERRY
Fine. An' I'm not just sayin' that..
MIKE
Guess what? I just started my own
business. I'm a bookie!
JERRY
No openings in arson?
MIKE
[pauses, struck by J's attitude]
Either of you guys wanna place
a bet: I'm your guy.
KRAMER
[quickly] Ah no no no. No bets
for me, I uh, I got a disease.
JERRY
I'm feelin' a bit queasy myself.
Maybe I'll see you in another five
years. [casually leaves]
MIKE
Kramer. Jerry still mad about that
"phony" thing?
KRAMER
You kidding? It's all water near
a bridge.
MIKE
Hey, what time you got?
KRAMER
[pulling out his timepiece] Oh
yes. Uh.. it's aaalmost six.
MIKE
Whoa--uh--I'm really late. [leaves]
[ELAINE's at work, with PEGGY at
Peggy's drafting table, looking
at Peggy's designs. (PEGGY is an
older, thin woman.)]
ELAINE
Oh! These designs look great! Peggy,
you really saved me.
PEGGY
Oh, it was no problem.
ELAINE
[leaving with the drawings] Mr.
Peterman is gonna love 'em.
PEGGY
[focusing on her work] Thanks,
Susie.
[At the door, ELAINE turns around,
wondering if she heard right, and
should she say anything. PEGGY
looks up, pleasantly
nods at her, and returns to her
work. ELAINE wavers and decides
to let it drop, and leaves.]
[That night at Monk's, JERRY and
ELAINE are sitting in a booth.]
ELAINE
You won't believe this but, as
I'm leaving, she calls me "Susie."
JERRY
I don't see you as a Susie. Sharon
maybe.
ELAINE
What am I, a--a bulimic, chain-smoking,
stenographer from Staten Island?
JERRY
Who are you describing?
ELAINE
Someone I know.
JERRY
Named Sharon?
ELAINE
I'd rather not say.
[GEORGE has just come in and grabs
a chair to put a garment bag on.]
GEORGE
Hey.
ELAINE
[to say hello] Mmm!
What's in the bag?
GEORGE
[sitting] Newww tuxedo. For the
Pinstripe Ball. Steinbrenner is
throwing a huge party at Tavern
on the Green, heh!
JERRY
Kind of a Yankee prom?
GEORGE
[resentfully dampened] It's not
a prom. It's a Ball.
JERRY
You taking Allison?
GEORGE
Yes, of course I'm taking Allison.
This woman is genetically engineered
to go to a ball. Tall, blonde,
lithe--
JERRY
Live?
ELAINE
Lithe.
GEORGE
Live?
ELAINE
[rolling her eyes] Lithe!
JERRY
Oh, lithe!
ELAINE
Well, you two'll have a great time
there.
JERRY
It can't be worse than this.
ELAINE
Mmm!
GEORGE
An' wait'll you see the dress that
she's got. It's backless! Uh?!
I'm finally gonna make a Great
Entrance!
ELAINE
Backless? Ya gonna back her in?
GEORGE
Elaine, when a woman makes a Ball
Entrance.. she twirls.
ELAINE
She's not gonna twirl--
GEORGE
She'll Twirl.
[GEORGE and ALLISON are coming
into George's "house."]
GEORGE
That is what Mr. Steinbrenner wants.
He wants, everyone, ta, twirl around.
ALLISON
[weary] All right.
GEORGE
Hey! Uh--listen--did you get your--uh--boss's
Knick ticket, for Kramer?
ALLISON
[digging in purse] Yeah, uh--here.
[hands him ticket]
GEORGE
Oh! Great!
ALLISON
Uh. Say, George--
GEORGE
Woo! Courtside!
[mock-snide] Is that the best you
could do? Ha ha!
ALLISON
[sitting] George. We need to talk.
GEORGE
What?
ALLISON
I really, think we need to talk.
GEORGE
[pause] Uh-oh.
[Jerry's "house." JERRY and GEORGE
are just coming in.]
JERRY
She wants to talk.
GEORGE
She doesn't Want to talk, she needs
to talk.
JERRY
Nobody needs to talk.
GEORGE
Who would Want to.
She tried to end it with me, Jerry.
JERRY
What'd ya do?
GEORGE
I told her I was out o' soda, I
went out to get some, an' I never
went back.
JERRY
[pause] All night?!
GEORGE
Yeah, I slept at my parents' house.
JERRY
And she wants to break up with
you..
GEORGE
Ha! [snort] Can you believe it?
[amused] I'm supposed to be havin'
lunch with her right now at Pomodoro.
JERRY
Uh-oh. "Everybody breaks up at
Pomodoro's."
GEORGE
So? What'm I gonna do?
JERRY
You really like this girl.
GEORGE
No. I like the ball! This is my
One Chance to make a Great Entrance!
My whole life! I have never made
a great entrance!
JERRY
You've made some Fine Exits.
GEORGE
[admitting] All right..
JERRY
So what do you do? You can't keep
avoiding her.
GEORGE
[resolved] Why not.
[determined] If she can't find
me, she can't break up with me.
And, if we're still goin' out,
she has to gooo to the ballll.
KRAMER
[suddenly entering] Hey, oh--listen.
Did you get my ticket from Allison--
GEORGE
Yeah, yeah, right here. [hands
it to him]
KRAMER
All right! Yeah.. Courtside.. Whoa!
Don't let this girl get away..
GEORGE
[clipping on shades] Ha.. She'll
have to find me first. [leaving]
KRAMER
{All right.} [to JERRY] Ah? Oh,
by the way: you owe Mike a hundred
dollars.
JERRY
What for?
KRAMER
Well I put a bet down for ya on
tonight's game. Yeah, if the Knicks
beat the Pacers by more than thirty-five?
It pays ten to one.
Oo-oo! That's some sweet action!
JERRY
But I don't want any "sweet action."
KRAMER
Well, I couldn't do it: I got a
gamblin' problem.
JERRY
So you put down my money?!
KRAMER
[impatient sigh] You don't have
a problem.
JERRY
Not {with} that, no..
[ELAINE's at the office, walking
past PEGGY's office. PEGGY's reading
a memo and notices her.]
PEGGY
Susie.
Susie!
ELAINE
[coming in] Uh.. Hi, Peggy. Um..
Look, I should have said this yesterday,
but--
PEGGY
Did you get this memo from Elaine
Benes?
ELAINE
Yeah. See that--
PEGGY
[preoccupied] You know, it's amazing
Peterman hasn't fired that dolt.
She practically ran the company
into the gro-ound.
ELAINE
Well. Well, I thought she did a
pretty good Job..
PEGGY
I heard she was a disaster, Suze--
ELAINE
[testy, leans into Peggy's personal
space] Look-it. It's not Suze.
All right? It's Su-zie. My name,
is Su-zie!
[PEGGY feels quite threatened..]
[GEORGE is in his living room,
watching TV, eating popcorn. The
phone rings and he lets the machine
pick it up as he munches
and uses the remote. The machine
tape is to the tune of the Greatest
American Hero theme song ("The
Greatest American
Hero (Believe it or not)," written
by Mike Post and Stephen Geyer).]
GEORGE
[on tape, singing] "Believe it
or not, George, isn't at home,
please leave a mes-saaage at the
beep. I must be out or I'd pick
up
the pho-one. Where could I be?
Believe it or not, I'm not hooome."
[beep]
(JERRY's on the other end, a little
bored. But GEORGE likes the song,
bobbed his head with it.)
JERRY
George, pick up. I know you're
screening for Allison.
GEORGE
[answers phone, good mood] Hey.
JERRY
So, coffee shop?
GEORGE
No, I can't. She knows I go there.
It's not secure. [the call waiting
beeps]
Hey, I got another call comin'
in. I gotta let the machine get
it. Bye. [hangs up]
GEORGE
[on tape, singing] "Believe it
or not, George, isn't at home,
please leave a mes-saaage at the
beep. I must be out or I'd pick
up
the pho-one. Where could I be?
Believe it or not, I'm not hooome."
[beep]
(GEORGE was grooving to it, pantomime-shrugging
during it, and remoting to another
station.)
ALLISON
[on phone machine, peeved] George?
Are you there?
[muttering] I hate that stupid
message.
[terse] I know you're avoiding
me, I'm at the office, please call
me, I've gotta talk to you. [hangs
up]
[GEORGE dials a number.]
GEORGE
[to phone] Hi, Allison? Oh, I guess
you're not at home.. I probably
should 'ave tried you at the office.
Anyway, good to hear
from ya, really looking forward
to the ball.. [hangs up and happily
chuckles] Ha ha!
[At JERRY's apartment, ELAINE's
just arrived.]
ELAINE
Can you believe this woman?
JERRY
[ironic outrage] The nerve. Talkin'
about ya behind your back--and
right to your face!
ELAINE
No. "Suze!" I mean, "Suzie!" "Suzanne!"
"Suzanna." Fine! But there is no,
way, I'm gonna be a Suze.
JERRY
No. No Suze.
ELAINE
[tense] I mean--what am I--some
pom-pom-wavin' Backseat Bimbo?!
JERRY
Who are you describin'?
ELAINE
Someone I know!
JERRY
Named Suze?
ELAINE
No, still Sharon!
KRAMER
[comes in, subdued] Hey. [grabs
a water from refrigerator]
JERRY
Hey, I thought you went to the
game.
KRAMER
No. I was kicked out for fightin'
with one of the players. [leaving]
JERRY
Wait. Way--way--way--way--way--way--wait!
Who?!
KRAMER
[stops] W--Reggie Miller.
ELAINE
Cheryl Miller's brother?
KRAMER
Yeah. [leaving]
JERRY
Hey--hey--hey--wait, wait, wait,
wait! What happened!
KRAMER
[stops again] Well, first of all,
for some reason, they started the
game an hour Late. And uh, I was
sittin' next to Spike Lee an'
he an' Reggie were jawin' at each
other, so I guess I got involved.
[leaving]
ELAINE
[same time as JERRY] --Wait, whoa--whoa--whoa--whoa!--
JERRY
Well--wait--wait--wait--wait! What
do you mean "involved"?!
KRAMER
[stops again] Well I.. ran out
onto the court an' threw a hotdog
at Reggie Miller. "Involved."
An' they threw meee, an' Reggie,
an' Spike out o' the game.
ELAINE
So that's it?
KRAMER
Well I, well I, felt, pretty bad
about everything an' uh, then the
three of us, we went to a strip
club. [leaves]
JERRY
Can you believe that?
ELAINE
I didn't know Cheryl Miller's brother
played basketball.
KRAMER
[suddenly comes back, excited]
The Knicks killed 'em a hundred
an' ten to seventy three!
JERRY
What--of course, without Reggie
Miller, it's a blowout!
KRAMER
No, Jerry--that's thirty-seven
points! The Knicks covered! You
won! See, that's a cooool-G, Daddy-O--now
you gotta let it
riiiide!
JERRY
On what?!
KRAMER
[real addict] Ah, come-on, Jerry--I
don't wanna lose this feeling.
Hey--let's go down to the O.T.B.
We'll put some money on
the ponies. [getting out pocket-watch]
JERRY
Yeah, all right.
KRAMER
[looking at watch] Ssssh--ah! They
just closed!
JERRY
[not] Oh. Too Bad.
(3+1) a: daylight LS looking up
at office building; 1: full shot
of office; 2: MS on E; 3: MS on
J. Peterman; 2; 3; 2.
[PETERMAN's office. ELAINE comes
to the door.]
ELAINE
Mr. Peterman? You wanted to see
me?
PETERMAN
Apparently Peggy--down in Design?--got
into a liiiittle bit of a Tiff
yesterday with somebody named,
"Susie"?
ELAINE
Su-sie?
PETERMAN
Yes. Between you, me and the lamppost.
And the desk.
Peggy says this "Suze" isn't much
of a Worker.
ELAINE
[nit] It's Susie.
PETERMAN
Nevertheless, Elaine. The House,
of Peterman is in Disorder. First
thing tomorrow morning I want to
see you, Peggy, and, Susie
right here, in my office.
ELAINE
[dismayed] Ah, all o'--all of us?
[ALLISON's apartment. Someone's
knocking on the door and she gets
it. It's KRAMER.]
KRAMER
Allison. Hi. Uh--listen: I'm really
sorry about what happened at the
game last night. Listen--could
I have a ticket tonight--'cause
the Rockets are in town an' that,
Hakeem Olajuwon? Ohhh--he's got
a real attitude.
ALLISON
Kramer? Have you seen George, around?
I can't get a hold of him.
KRAMER
Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, he--uh--visits
the guy across the hall from me
like every ten minutes.
ALLISON
Oh yeah?
[On the street, JERRY is leisurely
unloading his groceries from the
back of his car.]
JERRY
[singing] Believe it or not, Geooorge
isn't at home.
MIKE
[comes up] Hey. Jerry.
JERRY
Hey Mike.. How 'bout those Knicks?
MIKE
[a little anxious] Yeah! How 'bout
'em? Ha ha. Look, Jerry. I can't
pay you.
JERRY
Why not?
MIKE
'Cause I don't have the money..
JERRY
Mike. You say you're a bookie?
You take a bet an' then you can't
pay? I don't know, Mike, to me
it sounds a little, how you say..
"Phony"?
MIKE
Just give me 'til Friday. Please.
Please!
JERRY
You know, you're supposed to be
the Bookie. Act like one.
MIKE
I'm sorry. Uh--oh here--let me
give you a hand with that.
[MIKE gets some groceries out.]
JERRY
[trying to shut the trunk hood]
Something wrong with this trunk.
MIKE
Oh. Let me see.
[As MIKE puts his hands there,
JERRY, unaware, shuts the trunk
again! It happens very fast--MIKE's
hands are slammed and he screams
out in pain!]
[The Pomodoro Restaurant is a dark
romantic place, roses at the tables.
GEORGE is sitting at a table with
KRAMER.]
GEORGE
So--ah, Kramer. Why'd you ask me
out to dinner?
[amused] An' why Pomodoro?
[Just now, at one table in the
background, a WOMAN is sad and
dismayed, says, "How could you
say that to me?" She
cries..]
KRAMER
[quiet, delicately] Allison spoke
to me, and um. She wanted me to
speak to you.
GEORGE
[quiet] Uh-oh.
KRAMER
We all know that this relationship
isn't working. So Allison an' I
think that the best thing to do
is just.. make a, clean break.
GEORGE
Can't we discuss this?
KRAMER
[reasoning] We just don't think
you're ready for a serious relationship!
GEORGE
[dismayed] I didn't even know you
wanted to get serious!
KRAMER
[dismayed] So what am I in this
for?
You know, I'm getting to a point
in my life where I need something
more than just.. a good time. [is
tearing up]
GEORGE
[pause] Are you?
KRAMER
Wha--me? No! No. But she is.
GEORGE
I, I can't believe this is happening!
KRAMER
George, we're sorry.
[breathes in, pause] We're through..
GEORGE
Krama. Please.
KRAMER
[leaves, upset] Waaa-aa--aa! I'm
sorry--
[TIME: 11:13]
[Commercial Break]
[PETERMAN and PEGGY are sitting
in his office. There are two empy
chairs. The window overlooks central
park.]
ELAINE
[entering, uneasy] Mr. Peterman,
Peggy, I.. guess we, should just
get this over with. [sits]
PETERMAN
Just Hold On a minute. Still One
Short.
ELAINE
Oh.
No, we're not--
PEGGY
Susie has been very rude to me.
PETERMAN
Well, Elaine, has nothing but Good
things to say about Susie.
ELAINE
Look.
[engaging smile] We don't have
to name names, or, point fingers,
or..
[breathes in] name names!
[indicating empty chair] Me and
her, have had our problems. She
and I have had our problems! You
and I, and she and you--
PETERMAN
Don't you drag me into this! This
is between you and her, and her.
[indicating empty chair]
ELAINE
Yes! And I am convinced that if
she were here with us today, she
would agree with me, too.
PETERMAN
Who.
ELAINE
[uh-oh] Her?
PETERMAN
Where is she?!
ELAINE
Ah--this is part of the problem!
PEGGY
Iiii thought I was, part of this
problem.
ELAINE
[smiling, convincing] You're a,
huuge part of the problem. But,
I think that at it's core, this
is a Susie-and-Elaine problem that
requires, a Susie-and-Elaine solution!
And, who better to do that than..
Elaine and Susie! Susie and Elaine!
PETERMAN
Well, now that we have that cleared
up.. why don't the three of us
have lunch.
ELAINE
[feigning hearing something] What?!
Oh! Oh, I'm, coming! I--I gotta
go. [rushes out!]
PETERMAN
She is The Best.
What was your name again.
[Jerry's. KRAMER and JERRY are
talking. JERRY's eating lunch at
his table.]
KRAMER
Mike's outside. He wants to talk
to you.
JERRY
Well why doesn't he just come in?
KRAMER
Because he's scared, Jerry.
JERRY
Why is he scared.
KRAMER
[sighs, opens door] Come on in.
Did you do this? [MIKE has two
hand casts on]
JERRY
Yeah, but--
KRAMER
Uh--ah--ah! You broke his thumbs.
JERRY
It was an accident.
KRAMER
Oh, is that what you call it when,
Somebody doesn't Pay Up?
MIKE
[desperate] I'll get you the money,
Jerry. I got a hundred dollars
in my front pocket if you want
to, reach in an' take it!
JERRY
[hands up] I don't want it that
way.
KRAMER
Nuh! Okay Jerry, how about if Mike
fixes your truuunk, we call it
even, an' this way, nobody has
to get hurt.
JERRY
[whatever] Fine..
MIKE
Oh--uh--thank you, Jerry, thank
you! I won't forget this, I'm gonna
fix your trunk good--real good!
[MIKE's very grateful, and leaves
with a two thumbs-up gesture. But
he also can't help giving a thumbs-up--that's
the position the casts hold his
thumbs in. It's odd!]
KRAMER
See that was nice, Jerry. [under
breath] Oh, by the way, I'm the
one who broke your trunk.
JERRY
Ah, it's just a car.
[GEORGE comes up (the door's still
open) and when he and KRAMER see
each other, there's an awkward,
long pause. During the following,
JERRY sits at the table silently
watching, intrigued.]
GEORGE
Hi.
KRAMER
[looking down, nodding] Hi.
[Another pause. It's like they
broke up--well they did, but they
didn't.]
GEORGE
It's, funny runnin' into you here.
KRAMER
Yeah, yeah..
It's funny.
You look good..
GEORGE
[embarrassed/self-conscious about
his gut] Do I? Thanks.. You too..
KRAMER
Ooo, yeah.. [indicating his face,
embarrassed] {Heh, right.}
You know, it's gettin' kind of
late, I, I really have to be going,
so, uh, it's nice seeing you again,
all right--
GEORGE
[sad] Yeah! Yeah. Hey--hey you,
you know.. Maybe I'll call you
sometime.
KRAMER
George, it's over. It's just..
It's Over. [leaves]
GEORGE
[pause] What do you think, Jerry.
JERRY
[wistful] I don't know, I just
see you guys together.
[Outside it's raining. MIKE is
working on Jerry's trunk, trying
to get at the locking mechanism
but it's hard with those casts
on.]
MIKE
Thumbs!
[He gets into the trunk for better
access. But it turns out KRAMER
is getting into his car, parked
just ahead of Jerry's, and he bumps
Jerry's car while backing up and
the trunk slams shut. It locked
this time!]
MIKE
[from inside the trunk] Oh!
Help!
Somebody, help! Help!
[That night, ELAINE and JERRY are
in the car, talking. He's driving.]
JERRY
So Peterman bought it? I can't
believe you got away with that!
ELAINE
Well, I'm very fortunate to be
surrounded by such stupidity.
JERRY
Yeah, I know how you feel.
(Meanwhile, MIKE's yelping and
banging in the trunk!)
ELAINE
Do you hear something?
JERRY
What?
(Meanwhile, MIKE, in a now-hoarse
voice is shouting, "Jerry?! Jerry?!")
JERRY
Oh, the trunk's broken, it's rattling.
ELAINE
Jerry, I don't know how much longer
I can keep this up. They're starting
to give Susie assignments now!
JERRY
Well, there's only one thing to
do. Eliminate her.
ELAINE
What?
JERRY
[firmly matter-of-fact] Get Rid
of Susie. Make her disappear.
ELAINE
I kinda like her.
JERRY
She's Gooone.
ELAINE
JERRY--
JERRY
[impatient] Gone! [starts maniacally
laughing]
[briefly stops to point and explain]
That bumper sticker.
[They BOTH scream, laughing! In
the trunk, MIKE has heard most
of the conversation! The laughing
continues!]
MIKE
[desperately anxious] Oh God, I'm
in trouble..
[At night, GEORGE is upset and
knocking on Kramer's door.]
GEORGE
Krama. Open up! I--I know you're
in there!
KRAMER
[opens door] Uh--George, uh--uh--it's
five o'clock in the morning, what's
the matter with you..
GEORGE
[sad] It's only four..
KRAMER
Huh?
GEORGE
I--I've been, walkin' around all
night.. I've been thinkin' about
Allison and me.. an' you--
KRAMER
Oh. Oh, George.
GEORGE
Please. Give me another chance.
KRAMER
[regretfully] Uh.. I know I'm gonna
regret this.
[sigh] All right.
GEORGE
[grateful, relieved] Thank you!
I'm gonna make you both so happy!
KRAMER
All right, all right, I'll see
ya later. [shuts door]
GEORGE
[delighted!] Woooo!
[The next day, ELAINE's passing
by the door of PETERMAN's office.]
PETERMAN
Elaine! Where's Susie? I want her
to head up our new Fingerless Glove
Division.
ELAINE
[quiet] Oh, but I thought I was
in line for that assignment.
PETERMAN
Mmmmm--nah.
ELAINE
All right, then, I was gonna wait,
to tell ya this, but.. last night,
Susie..
[difficult subject, quiet] she
took her own Life..
[PETERMAN grasps this, weepy in
disappointment, "Oh!". ELAINE comforts
him.]
[Allison's apartment. KRAMER knocks
and ALLISON gets it.]
KRAMER
[happy, enthused] We're takin'
George back--
ALLISON
What?!
KRAMER
He's gonna make us very happy.
[ALLISON looks doubtful/disappointed.]
[Inside, there are chairs lined
up in rows, most are filled. There's
a podium on a riser, flowers everywhere.]
ELAINE
[quiet] Look at this turnout.
JERRY
[quiet] Where did Susie find the
time to meet all these people..
ELAINE
[irritated] Your funeral's not
gonna come close to this.
[They've found seats together in
the row in front of PEGGY, who
looks like she's seeing a ghost!]
PEGGY
[to herself] Oh my god!
[quiet] Susie?
ELAINE
[quiet] Oh, oh--ho--I'm not Susie..
I'm Elaine.
PEGGY
But I've been calling you Susie.
ELAINE
Oh! Hadn't noticed!
Excuse me. [she's going to the
podium]
PEGGY
I guess I never met Susie.
JERRY
[privately amused] Suze? I actually
had a little thing with her for
a while.
[indicating ELAINE] Her too.
[ELAINE's now at the podium.]
ELAINE
What can you say about a girl like
Susie? [she doesn't know..]
[Meanwhile, out in the parking
lot, PETERMAN arrives in his little
red convertible (top down), distracted
with
disappointment/sadness. He parks
behind Jerry's car and bumps it.
Jerry's trunk has unlatched but
not popped open big.
PETERMAN doesn't notice anything
and goes in. Shortly after he passes,
MIKE comes out of the trunk, squinting
in the
daylight, his body is sore, he
shuts the trunk.
Nearby, there's a small announcement
sign (with stick-in white letters):
TODAY'S
SCHEDULE
LIEBERMAN BARMITZVAH
<--
SUSIE'S MEMORIAL
-->
(APPROXIMATION)
MIKE sees it and is alarmed! He's
still disoriented but hobbles away
with determination!]
[Tavern on the Green, at dusk.
The Pinstripe Ball is starting.
The walls there are mahogany, and
there are short, decorative
columns with flowers on top of
them. Everyone is in tuxedos and
gowns, and the music is mellow
and quiet. GEORGE is
waiting in a tux for Allison, but
KRAMER arrives in his rather tight
tux. They talk quietly.]
KRAMER
Hey.
GEORGE
Where's uh, where's Allison..
KRAMER
Oh, Allison, she didn't want to
come.
GEORGE
But you took me back.
KRAMER
Well, yeah, I did, but she's a
tough nut.
How d'ya like the tuxedo. It's
a rental but I've had it for fifteen
years.
All right, eh. [heading in]
GEORGE
Where are you goin'..
KRAMER
The Ball, silly.
GEORGE
[afraid not] No no, no no no. You're
not goin' in there.
KRAMER
George. I thought you were gonna
Change.
GEORGE
[impatient] For her. Not for you.
KRAMER
[light admonishing, under breath]
Let's just try, an' have a nice
time for once, an' we'll talk about
this when we get home..
[They start struggling quietly,
KRAMER's trying to just walk by,
and GEORGE is trying to restrain
him without attracting too
much attention.]
GEORGE
All right, look--wait--wait--Krama--wait,
wait a minute, you are not. You
are not goin' in. Ah-ahhh!
[GEORGE had KRAMER in a slightly
spinning hold--by holding the back
of KRAMER's tux--but the material
tore away, and
this sent KRAMER spinning into
the room with the back torn off
his tux! Strangely, this is well-received
by WILHELM!]
WILHELM
Wow! What an, Entrance!
[friendly, to GEORGE] And eh, who
might this be?
KRAMER
Oh, I'm with him.
WILHELM
Oh. Ah-ha..
[Meanwhile at the Memorial, ELAINE
is still at the podium. She has
her chin in her hand while talking,
weary of making up
things and of acting mournful.]
ELAINE
And.. also, much like me, Susie
hated going to the, Market.
PETERMAN
Elaine! May I say a few words.
ELAINE
Oh, god, yes, Mr. Peterman. [steps
down]
PETERMAN
[steps up to the podium, refreshed]
Ahhh.
I don't think I'll ever be able
to forget Susie--ahhh. And most
of all, I will never, forget that
one night. Working late on the
catalogue. Juuust the two of us.
And we surrendered to temptation.
And it was Pretty Good.
JERRY
[proud to PEGGY, under his breath]
Yeah, but he didn't sleep with
both of 'em. [winks]
[ELAINE (who has returned to her
seat) catches JERRY's eye. Though
we don't see her face, his drops
and he sobers it up.]
PETERMAN
But Iiii never heard her Cries
for Help. [sighs]
An' nowww.. Susie is gone.
MIKE
[running in, still hoarse, desperate!]
Hold on! Hol--on!
Susie didn't commit suicide!
[rushes up to podium!] She was
Murdered, by Jerry, Sein-feld!
[While MIKE's pointing at JERRY
and everyone's looking, JERRY looks
back at PEGGY again.]
JERRY
[smugly, under-his-breath] Not
only that, I broke his thumbs.
[PEGGY and ELAINE look at him strangely
as he grins during such an inappropriate
moment.]
[After dark, PETERMAN and ELAINE
are sitting and talking in his
office.]
PETERMAN
Elaine? Guess what. I've decided
to Form a Charitable Foundation,
in Susie's honor. And as Susie's
best friend, I want you to
be involved.
ELAINE
Mr. Peterman..
[leaning forward, whispering] I'm
Susie.. She's me..
PETERMAN
[leans forward, whispers carefully]
I feel the same way.
[announcing] And that's why this
foundation will meet around Your
Schedule. Nights! Weekends! Every,
Free Moment you
have. [leaving, pats her shoulders
confidently]
ELAINE
[looks up, screaming in frustration!]
Suuuuuuuuuuze!
[(During her screaming up to the
air, the camera was over her, looking
down, and turning around and around,
just like it had
when GEORGE found out that he was
going to be running a foundation
in honor of Susan!)]
THE END
|
