Marjorie Gross & Carol Leifer
(Crying) (sob sob)
(To himself) Now what am I supposed
to do here? Shall I go over there? It's
not like somebody died. It's "Beaches"
for god's sake. If she was sitting next
to me I'd put my arm around her. I can't
be making a big move like going all
the way over there. I can't. I won't.
(Next day, Jerry and George enter Jerry's apartment)
She calls me this morning and tells
me she's upset I didn't console her.
I mean it was "Beaches" for god's sake.
What, what do you do in a situation
Where were you?
I was sitting on the chair. She was
over here on the couch.
Well you know, if you were sitting right
next to her you'd have to console her
no matter what.
When you're talking about a movie like
"Beaches", moving from the chair to
the couch ... that's quite a voyage.
Hey. I gotta go.
Where you going?
The Improv is playing "Rochelle Rochelle"
Really? What is Bette Midler playing?
Is she going to be there?
She might be. She's the star of the
Bette Midler is going to be in the park
today? Yeeee. Jerry, don't tease me.
I didn't know you were such a Bette
So maybe I'll go down there and watch,
uh? She'll be there, ,maybe.
Gennice palying today?
That's the understudy. I'm dating her.
Oh, uh, is this uh, Bette Midler's understudy?
Oh, understudies are a very shifty bunch.
The substitute teachers of the theater
I'm glad she's an understudy. I don't
have to avoid going back stage and having
to think of something to say.
Going backstage is the worst. Especially
when they stink. You know that's a real
Just once I would like to tell someone
they stink. You know what? I doidn't
like the show. I didn't like you. It
just really stunk. The whole thing...real
bad. Stinkaroo. Thanks for the tickets
(Ruby's Nail Parlor - Korean language in quotes)
I know I know. I didn't have change
for the bus and they don't give change
in this city. So they threw me off the
"That's a shame". You'll have to wait
for Lotus now.
How long do you think this will take.
I have a millllioooon things to do.
"Mustn't keep the princess waiting.
Princess in a big hurry." "No change
for bus" "Poor princess."
Nothing, won't be long.
"Princess wants a manicure."
"Oh lucky me."
"Oh, you got the princess."
What is so funny?
...tell knock-knock joke.
(Baseball diamond in the park)
The Korean women were talking about
me. I think they were calling me a dog.
How would you know? You don't speak
Because this woman came in with a dog
and Ruby called the dog the same word
they used when they were pointing at
me...ge ge ge
You know, maybe in Korean "dog" isn't
an insult. Could be like the word "fox"
to us. Oh, she's a DOG!
Why don't you go to another nail shop?
Because they're the best Jerry, the
best. Look. Maybe I'm just being paranoid.
What you need is a translator to go
in the shop with you and tell you what
Yeah, who speaks Korean?
You know who speaks Korean?
You gotta' be kidding me. How does he
He used to go there a lot on business.
What did he do?
He sold religious articles the statues
of Jesus, the virgin Mary, that were
manufactured in Korea.
George, does your father speak Korean?
Yeah, he once bumped into reverend Yung
Oh, hi Gennice.
This is George, this is Kramer.
Nice to meet you.
No. I'm on the bench today.
They really stick to that understudy
So she's coming?
Oh, yeah, she'll be here. . . .(DROPS
HOT DOG) Oh no, my frankfurter, my frankfurter
fell (sob sob sob sob) . It was really
good. I can't believe that I dropped
it. (sob sob sob sob)
It's okay...it's just a hot dog, (still
sobbing) everything is going to be okay.
No it (sob) was really good.
(Crowd yelling - Bette arrives)
Look it's Bette It's Bette! Ah, Ah,
AH, . . . Bette, psst, hi.
Uh, I just want to say I think you're
Uh, thank you.
Yeah, I've seen you in everything you've
Anything I can get you? Water? They
got ice over here.
What flavours do they have?
Chocolate, Lemon, and uh, Cherry.
How about Pineapple?
Pineapple, sure, alright, I'll be right
(First Italian ice cream seller)
ICE CREAM VENDOR #1
No pineapple. Just Cherry, Lemon and
Oh, uh, uh. (Leaves)
Anyway, Mr. Costanza, what I want you
to do is to come to the shop with me
and tell me what they are saying. You
do speak Korean?
I once talked to the reverend Yung Son
Moon. He bought two Jesus statues from
me. He's a hell of a nice guy.
Ever see that face on him? Like a Biiig
Yeah, yeah. Uh, uh listen Mr. Costanza,
if uh, if you do this for me I'll get
you a manicure, I'll pay for it. Or
you can get a pedicure if you want.
No one is touching my feet. Between
you and me, Elaine, I think I've got
a foot odour problem.
(Baseball diamond- Bette at bat)
I watched "Beaches" on cable last night.
...(wings?) ... Give me a break.
Get some talent then you can mouth off.
What? Are you blind?
I had an affair with a Korean woman.
Uh, Mr. Costanza, I ...
No, I feel I need to unburden myself.
I loved her very deeply. But the clash
of cultures was too much. Her family
would not accept me.
Mr. Costanza, I, ...
Maybe it was because I refused to take
off my shoes. Again, the foot odour
problem. Her father would look at me
and say, " eno enoa juang ". Which means,
"this guy - this is not my kind of guy".
ICE CREAM VENDOR #2
Sure I got Pineapple.
(Kramer runs back with it)
(Baseball diamond - George at bat)
Move it in. Move in everybody. Get your
shrimp here. Shrimp on special today!
Come on George, just loosen up.
(George hits one )
Come on George.
I GOT THE PINEAPPLE. : I GOT THE PINEAPPLE.
(to George) Keep going.
(George runs into Bette (trivia- but misses home plate))
(Mob gets angry and chases George and Jerry)
come on it's just a game.
(holding bette) Don't worry Kramer is
going to take care of everything. See,,
I got you Pineapple. I saw Beaches last
night for the fourth time (sings) "You
are the wind..."
the show will go on but not Bette Midler.
While playing softball in the park Ms.
Midler was injured when another player
thoughtlessly rammed her at home plate.
All captured on amateur video tape.
She will be out for two weeks from her
Broadway show; Rochelle Rochelle - The
. . . Thank you. (hugs Jerry and George)
No, please. This is the first time in
my life (sobs) that anyone has ever
done anything like this for me. I've
always had to struggle so hard for everything
I ever got. (sobbing) and I know this
is going to be my big break. (sobbing)
(with no emotion) It's okay. Everything
is going to be all right.
(Knocking at door)
Come on Jerry, open up. I KNOW YOU'RE
Come back another time.
(Shot of each lock being opened)
SO...you're all in here together. How
convenient. I hope you're all proud
(Turning to Genice)
So my dear you think you can get to
Broadway. Well, let me tell you something.
Broadway has no room for people like
you. Not the Broadway I know. My Broadway
takes people like you and eats them
up and spits them out. My Broadway is
the Broadway of Merman, and Martin,
and Fontaine, and if you think you can
build yourself up by knocking other
people down... ...GOOD LUCK... (exits)
Hi everyone. Um, this is my friend,
What would you like today? Manicure,
I'll take a manicure. I don't take my
shoes off for anyone.
"That's the least of his problems."
What was that?
What'd they say? What'd they say?
They made a derogatory comment about
"She's with a man twice her age." "He
doesn't look like he's got much money
"Check out that sweater". (all laughing)
"I think I saw a moth fly out of a pocket."
"What happened to his tail?"
Okay, THAT'S IT! "oki on awa" Where's
my tail? I heard every word you said.
You got some nerve.
That voice? It sounds so familiar. It
reminds me of when I was ayoung girl
in Korea and I met an American businessman.
He was a very unusual man. Quick temperd
with a strange halting way of speaking.
We fell in love but when I brought him
home to meet my father? He refused to
take his shoes off. And there was a
That man also refuses to take his shoes
(from other room) I never seen people
treated like this!
You brought in a spy! . . . Get Out!
(on phone) A turkey sandwich. A side
of slaw, ... you want whit e meat or dark?
Yeah, white meat. And if I see one piece
of dark meat on there. It's your ass
Get me one of those Black and White
yeah, all right, yeah.... (hangs up) They
don't have any. But don't worry I'm
going to get you one somewhere.
Good. Because if I don't get a Black
and White cookie I'm not going to be
very pleasant to be around.
Now that's impossible.
(On rainy street at night)
(sob sob) (bumps into man with an umbrella)
... I don't even know where I'm going.
That's the best way to get someplace
you've never been.
yes, (sob) I suppose, ...
Have you been crying?
Yes, (sob) you see this (sob) woman,
Oh no, that doesn't matter now. That's
a very nice jacket.
Uh, (sob) thanks.
Very soft, huge button flaps, cargo
pockets, draw string waist, deep biswing
vents in the back perfect for jumping
into a gondola.
How do you know all that?
That's my coat.
Yes, I'm J. Peterman.
I don't know why I have to go to the
hospital. I didn't do anything to Bette
Midler. Driver can you stop over here,
we're picking somebody up.
Hey, I didn't do anything. I was never
informed. ... YOU CAN ALL GO STRAIGHT
TO HELL.... You see that? You see what
I am going through?
So what? Somebody dropped an egg on
my head as I went into my building last
Hey, I'm being heckled on stage. People
are yelling out Galloogy.
I'm having a little trouble with all
this. I mean all I ever wanted to do
is sing. Now I'm the focus of this big
media frenzy. (sob) Nobody in the show
will even talk to me.
Stop your crying will ya?
You heard him.
Oh, don't you you're the reason this
whole thing happened.
Oh, yeah. I read what you said to the
papers yesterday. You weren't in on
the planing. What planning? YOU THINK
WE PLANED THIS? Uh?
Wait. Wait. I know you. You knocked
Bette Midler out of Rochelle Rochelle
the Musical. I want you creeps out of
Hey, I had nothing to do with it.
Get out of my cab. You should go to
prison. You should be in prison for
the rest of your life. Get out, each
of you. Each and every one of you get
out of my cab.
Then in the distance I heard the bulls.
I began running as fast as I could.
Fortunately I was wearing my Italian
Captoe Oxfords. Sophisticated yet different;
nothing to make a huge fuss about. Rich
dark brown calfskin leather. Matching
leather vent. Men's whole and half sizes
7 through 13. Price $135.00.
Ex; Oh, that's not too expensive.
That shirt. Where did you get it?
Oh, this innocent looking shirt has
something which isn't innocent at all.
Touchability! Heavy, silky Italian cotton,
with a fine almost terrycloth like feeling.
Five button placket, relaxed fit, innocence
and mayhem at once.
That's NOT bad!
Oh, Frank. So many years. If only you
had taken your shoes off.
I couldn't because I had a potential
I thought maybe you had a hole in your
I wiped them for two minutes on the
mat. I don't know why your father had
to make a federal case out of it.
Anyway that is all in the past. We have
our whole future ahead of us.
Between you and me I think your country
is placing a lot of importance on shoe
(Screeching of brakes)
You short stop me? We don't do that
in Korea! Take me home. Inever want
to see you again.
(Bette's hospital room - Kramer enters)
Hi, here. I made this for your. (gives
her a pasta statue)
... What is it?
It's macaroni Midler.
Yeah, see how you're singing?
... yeah ...ha ha. Well you made a long
journey from Milan to Minsk.
oh, what's that from?
Oh, that's one of the songs from my
show. Bette sings:
"Well you made a long journey from Milan to Minsk.
You never stopped hoping. now you're in the Pinsk
When the nay sayers nay you pick up your pace
So nothing's going to stop me so get out of my face.
I'm having adventures all over the place.
Oh You are so freaking talented.
(knock at door - Kramer goes out into hall)
Oh, so look who's here. What do you
We just want to talk to her. We want
to apologize and tell her the whole
thing was an accident.
No, no. I'm sorry it's out of the question.
Bette is recuperating right now and
I'm not going to allow anything to disturb
Who are you to decide?
I'm calling the shots around here so
there won't be anymore ACCIDENTS!
Hey, look, Kramer,...
AH! I don't want her disturbed.
(Outside Broadway Theater)
We're so excited.
We'll see you inside.
Well I felt bad about the spying, so
you know, ,I got them tickets to the
Oh,, that's nice. Alright, I'll see
Wait, wait. I didn't get to tell you
about my new job.
Writing for the J. Peterman catalogue.
(pushing her) How did you get that?
I met him.
You met J. Peterman?
What is he like?
(walking away) Yeah, I'll see ya'.
. . . Small, Medium, Large, XL, Double...
Well, break a leg tonight.
I'm really nervous.
Here you got a telegram. Well, look
What are you going to do? Break my legs?
You don't scare me. You or your goons.
How do you like this?
What is it?
My grandmother died.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Oh, it's okay,
So you don't cry when your grandmother
dies? But a hotdog makes you lose control?
(Off camera) Places everyone.
I gotta go.
ladies and gentlemen for this evening's
performance the part of Rochelle will
be played by Gennice Grant.
What happened to Bette Midler?
Oh, she got hurt.
No Bette Midler? (they talk Korean and
all three leave)
I, uh, wait..
(singing and dancing) "It's a long journey
from Milan to Minsk" (Shoe lace comes
undone) wait wait. Hold it stop, (sob)
I'm sorry, I have to start it over,
my shoelace. (sob) I can't do it like
this. Please let me start over. (sob)
Please. (sob) Please....