"SOUTH PARK"
Episode 610
"BEBE'S BOOBS DESTROY SOCIETY"
Written by
Trey Parker
[Cartman's house, morning. Stan, Kyle, and Tweek show up. Stan
rings the doorbell. Liane comes to the door]
LIANE
Oh, hello boys.
STAN
Hi. Uh, the school called and said we
all have to start going to class again.
LIANE
Oh, but I thought your teacher died.
KYLE
She did, but now they're saying we have
to start going back to school anyways.
It's totally gay.
LIANE
Oh. Well, I'll tell Eric. He's just
down in the basement playing with his
dolls.
TWEEK
Cartman likes to play with dolls?
[Cartman's basement. He's playing with a rubber lamb at the edge
of a hole in the basement.]
CARTMAN
Hello, Precious. Yes, that's a good
Precious. Now it takes the lotion from
the basket.
POLLY PRISSY PANTS
Oh please, mister. Please let me out
of here.
CARTMAN
It puts the lotion on its skin or else
it gets the hose again.
POODLE
Bark bark bark bark!
CARTMAN
Yes, that's a good Precious. Okay, now
it puts the lotion back in the basket.
POLLY PRISSY PANTS
Please, mister, let me out.
CARTMAN
It puts the lotion back in the basket!
POLLY PRISSY PANTS
I miss my Mom, mister. I wanna see my
Mommy-
CARTMAN
Put the lotion in the fuckin' basket!
LIANE
Sweetie.
CARTMAN
Yes Mom?
LIANE
You have to get ready for school
CARTMAN
...No, our teacher's dead. Remember?
LIANE
Yes, but they said two weeks off was
enough, and they want everyone back.
CARTMAN
Two weeks isn't enough. I'm not over
our teacher's tragic death. I'm still
sh-shooken up.
LIANE
You'll get over it, honey.
CARTMAN
But I wanna plaaayyy.
[South Park Elementary, Fourth Grade. The kids pour into the
classroom, chattering. Wendy walks up and starts talking to Red
and Jordan]
WENDY
I can't believe it's been two weeks
since I've seen you guys. What have
you been doing?
BEBE
Hey guys.
WENDY
Hey Bebe.
BEBE
You guys uh, notice anything different?
WENDY
Oh my God, Bebe. You got boobs.
BEBE
Yeah, they started coming in last week.
At first I thought they were just mosquito
bites, but, then they didn't go away.
COUNSELOR MACKEY
M'kay kids, let's take our seats, m'kay?
I know this has been a difficult couple
o'weeks for you all with the untimely
death of your teacher, but it's time
for us to try to move on and learn,
m'kay?
CARTMAN
Mr. Mackey, I don't think I'm over the
teacher's tragic death yet. I need more
time. It's just... it still hurts, you
know? Can I go home?
COUNSELOR MACKEY
No. Eric, what we're gonna do is learn
to hide our emotions with math problems.
M'kay, so let's start with some multiplication
tables over here, m'kay. First we'll
do uh, four time four, m'kay?
KYLE
Dude, look at Bebe. Something seems
different about her.
STAN
Yeah, I noticed that too. Did she get
a haircut or something?
KYLE
I don't know.
CLYDE
Hey Token. You know, I never noticed
before, but that girl Bebe is... kinda
cool.
TOKEN
I was just thinking the same thing.
It's like, she's a girl, but, she's
someone you could hang out with.
BUTTERS
Yeah. Bebe is kinda cool, huh?
CARTMAN
Hey Craig, is that the same shirt that
that Bebe chick always wears?
CRAIG
I don't know. Why?
CARTMAN
It just... it just seems like a really
awesome shirt.
CRAIG
Yeah. It kinda does.
COUNSELOR MACKEY
Okay, and so uh, so who can tell me
the answer to the first problem, six
times eight? Uh, Bebe?
BEBE
: Oh, uh, forty-eight?
ALL THE BOYS
Whoa.
CLYDE
That is an awesome answer!
ALL THE BOYS
Yeah!
KYLE
Dude! Bebe is really smart!
STAN
Yeah. I never noticed that before. Maybe
she's actually cool enough to hang out
with us.
CARTMAN
Yeah, may be.
WENDY
...And I was like, "I'm not buying those
shoes for twenty dollars."
STAN
Ah, hey, Bebe.
BEBE
Yeah?
STAN
Uh, we're gonna throw rocks at cars
later on, and we thought maybe you'd
like to join us.
BEBE
Really? I've never done that before.
BUTTERS
Wuuhh, it's really fun.You toss these
little rocks at cars, and if the driver
gets angry, you blame me.
KYLE
Yeah, it's cool.
BEBE
Why sure, that sounds hellafun.
THE BOYS
Hahahahahaha...
KYLE
Yeah.
STAN
Hellafun
CARTMAN
Right, heh.
CLYDE
Wow, hellafun. That's awesome.
TOKEN
I'm gonna start saying that now.
STAN
Cool. We'll see you later, Bebe.
WENDY
Stan, you've never asked me to throw
rocks at cars with you guys.
STAN
That's different, dude. You're like,
my girlfriend. Bebe's just... I don't
know. She's just cool.
KYLE
Yeah. She's really cool.
CLYDE
It's weird how we never noticed before.
[A hill just outside of town. The boys and Bebe are gathered
at the summit]
STAN
So what you do, see, is wait for a car
to drive by that big pine tree. Then
you chuck a rock at it. It's all about
the timing.
DRIVER
You damn kids!
BEBE
Cool.
CLYDE
You try it, Bebe.
BEBE
Okay.
TOKEN
Here comes a sedan.
DRIVER
You damn kids!
THE BOYS
Awesome!
BUTTERS
Cool! That was the most perfect throw
I've ever seen.
KYLE
That was sweet, Bebe. Now, if you just
hold the rock like this, you-
CLYDE
Yeah. Here, it's like if you put your
thumb on this side-
KYLE
I'm showing her.
CLYDE
Yeah, just let me show her real quick
how to put the thumb and-
KYLE
Hoh!
CLYDE
Hoh hoh hoh!
KYLE
Hoh! Anyways, you put a spin on it
by holding it here and-
STAN
Yeah, and then you can actually hold
it like this. Now-
KYLE
Hoh! Hoh hoh hoh hoh!
STAN
Hoh hoh hoh!
KYLE
Hah hah hah!
CRAIG
Urh urh urh!
BEBE
Uh. Listen guys, un, It's five-thirty.
I'm supposed to get home, so... I'll
see you later.
STAN
...Wait, what were we doing again?
KYLE
We were throwing rocks at cars.
THE BOYS
Oh yeah.
CARTMAN
Woohoo.
BUTTERS
Uh here comes an SUV.
DRIVER
You damn kids!
[South Park Elementary, next day. The kids are in their seats.
Bebe is the last kid to enter class and find a seat]
THE BOYS
Hi, Bebe.
BEBE
Hey everybody.
WENDY
Oh, for Christ's sake!
COUNSELOR MACKEY
M'kay. Kids, I asked you to write a
paper to read aloud for the class. Now,
who want to start? M'kay, class.
CLYDE
My paper is called, "Why Bebe is the
coolest person, ever."
STAN
Hey, that's what I wrote about!
BUTTERS
Me too!
CLYDE
Hoh!
STAN
Hah hah, hah! Uuuuh-okay. Go ahead,
Clyde.
CLYDE
"My friend Bebe is really smart. She
tells funny jokes and knows a lot about
stuff. She's good at almost everything
she tries. She's awesome. The end."
COUNSELOR MACKEY
M'kay, very nice, Clyde. Uh, Token,
why don't you read your paper?
TOKEN
"If I could be Bebe." "If I was Bebe
I would have lots of friends because
I would be sooo great. I would make
people smile and think wherever I went."
COUNSELOR MACKEY
M'kay, interesting, Token, Uh... Who
would like to go next? Uh how about
someone who didn't write about how cool
Bebe is?
THE BOYS
Oh.
COUNSELOR MACKEY
M'kay, Bebe?
BEBE
"My cat Thumper."
THE BOYS
Wwooww.
BEBE
"Thumper is gray with a white spot.
Sometimes he likes to chase his tail.
CLYDE
Chase his tail? That must be so funny?
BEBE
"Thumper is twelve years old. That's
pretty old for a cat. The end."
THE BOYS
Wwooww!
CARTMAN
God, you know what, that's so true?
Because, you sometimes never really
think about how old a pet is until it's
gone.
CRAIG
That's true, huh? Man, that makes me
really reflect on my pet.
STAN
That's such a great paper!
COUNSELOR MACKEY
M'kay. Wendy, why don't we hear your
paper?
WENDY
"The new Cold War"
CARTMAN
Oh God! Here we go again! Dork alert!
[South Park Elementary cafeteria. Wendy is talking to Red and
two other girls]
WENDY
But, then the mall closes at four or
five o'clock, so who knows w-
CLYDE
Have any of you dumb girls seen Bebe
anywhere?
WENDY
No!
KYLE
Maybe she's in the lunch line.
THE BOYS
Yeah.
WENDY
Can you believe Bebe? She thinks she's
so cool all of a sudden.
GIRL 1
I can't stand her anymore! She's such
a slut!
GIRL 2
She's a total slut!
RED
You know what I heard? I heard that
she made out with eight different boys
in one minute.
GIRL 1
I heard that she lifted her shirt to
the boys at the bus stop.
WENDY
I heard that her asshole is this big
around.
GIRLS 1 AND 2
Wwooww.
BEBE
Hey guys.
WENDY
Oh, hey Bebe. Slut. Slut.
GIRL 1
Slut.
GIRL 2
Slut.
GIRL 1
Slut.
BEBE
...You guys still wanna go ice-skating
after school?
WENDY
Oh, no, that's okay Bebe. You might
trip and then we'd be sucked into your
huge gaping vagina like ants into a
vacuum cleaner. Slut. Slut.
GIRL 1
Slut.
GIRL 2
Slut.
RED
Slut.
WENDY
Slut.
GIRL 1
Slut.
GIRLS
Whore. Slut. Slut.
[Bebe's house, after school. She's looking out over the neighborhood
from her bedroom window. Her mother stops by her door and looks
in]
BEBE'S MOM
Bebe, is something the matter?
BEBE
Oh Mom, it's just... My girlfriends
at school said some really mean things
to me today. They called me a slut,
with a huge gaping vagina.
BEBE'S MOM
Oh, sweetie. You're all just growing
up. Part of being a woman is having
a friend one day and calling her a slut
the next.
BEBE
But am I slutty just because I'm beginning
to be friends with guys? I mean, they
just like me because they think I'm
smart and cool.
BEBE
I remember when I was a little girl
the boys didn't think I was very smart
at all. But then one day, they all started
thinking I was really smart. I guess
big smarts just run in our family.
BEBE
Well if the girls don't wanna be my
friend, that's fine! Guys are way cooler,
anyways.
[King Jimmy's Buffet, night. Stan, Kyle, and Cartman sit at a
booth eating hamburgers and some side dishes]
TWEEK
You... guys wanted me to meet you here?
CARTMAN
Yeah, have a seat, Tweek. We all need
to have a talk
TWEEK
Oh God.
CARTMAN
Alright guys, now that we're all here,
I think... we need to have a difficult
conversation. It's obvious that Bebe
is the like the coolest, smartest, most
awesome person we've ever met.
STAN, KYLE
True.
STAN
Yeah.
KYLE
Yep.
CARTMAN
And, you know, we've been trying to
fill the gap for the fourth friend ever
since Kenny died, God rest his soul,
and it hasn't been an easy process.
KYLE
Right.
STAN
Uh huh.
CARTMAN
And so, even though I think it's a tough
thing to do right now, I think maybe
it's best for everyone if we make room
to allow Bebe to be our new fourth friend.
KYLE
Yeah.
STAN
That would be best.
CARTMAN
Well, I'm glad you guys all agree. And
so, Kyle, I just wanna say that it's
been really great, and we're gonna miss
you.
KYLE
Huh??
STAN
Kyle??
CARTMAN
And even though it didn't quite work
out, I'm sure you'll find other friends
down the road, Kyle. Here's a nice watch
for you, and some peanuts.
KYLE
Me?? Dude, I've been here since the
beginning!
CARTMAN
And we're really sad to see you go.
Let's give a big round of applause for
Kyle, everybody. Hip hip.
STAN
Dude, we're not kicking Kyle out!
CARTMAN
Pleeeeease???
STAN
No!
CARTMAN
Alright, fine! Well then, I guess we
have no choice but to let you go, Tweek.
But we want you to know that its been
really fun. Here's a watch, and some
peanuts.
KYLE
No way! Tweek's cool!
STAN
Yeah!
CARTMAN
Well dumbasses, how are we gonna make
room for Bebe!?
[Bus stop, next day. The answer is shown. Bebe stands between
Kyle and Tweek, and Cartman is not present.]
BEBE
Thanks for inviting me to ride the bus
to school with you guys.
STAN
Sure thing, Bebe.
CARTMAN
That's fine! That's fine!! Fuck you,
Kyle, and fuck you, Stan! Fuck you,
Tweek! Bebe, you're still cool.
[South Park Elementary, hallway. Some boys - Clyde, Butters,
Token, Craig, and Pip - are putting up a large poster that reads
"Bebe for President" next to the counselor's office. Wendy passes
by and stops to look]
WENDY
What are you doing?!
CLYDE
We're tryin' to get Bebe to run for
class president.
WENDY
I'm class president! The vote was last
fall!
CRAIG
Well, yeah, but Wendy, you have to admit,
Bebe's a lot smarter and more organized
than you.
TOKEN
Yeah. We need a leader like Bebe. She
can teach us all so much.
THE OTHER BOYS
Uh huh.
WENDY
She's not smarter and cooler than everyone,
you guys are just drawn to something
else!
CLYDE
What?
WENDY
Ugh! God, you guys are sooo stupid!
BUTTERS
Stupider than Bebe!
CLYDE
Yeah!
CRAIG
Yeah!
BUTTERS
Huh Bebe's cool, huh. Huh, fellas?
CLYDE
Yeah!
BUTTERS
Yeah!
CRAIG
Sure is!
BUTTERS
Uhyep.
[The neighborhood, after school. Stan, Kyle, and Tweek walk towards
Bebe's house]
KYLE
I can't wait to watch Terrance & Phillip
with Bebe.
STAN
Yeah. Where are you guys going?
BOY 1
We're going to see our friend Bebe.
STAN
Bebe is our friend. Didn't you all get
the memo?
BOY 2
Bebe is everybody's friend.
KEVIN
Yeah. God put Bebe on earth to enrich
everyone's lives.
STAN
Hoh!
KYLE
Hoh hoh hoh!
KEVIN
Arf arf!
BOY 2
Arf!
TIMMY
Arf! Ah Timmah! Timmah-ar-argh!
STAN
Aw alright, I guess we can all watch
Terrance & Phillip together.
BEBE'S MOM
Oh, hello, boys.
STAN
Is Bebe home?
BEBE'S MOM
No, she's with one of her little friends.
But she should be back shortly if you
boys wanna wait.
BOY 1
Who is she with?
BEBE'S MOM
I believe she is playing "Lambs" over
at Eric Cartman's house.
STAN
Cartman's?
[Cartman's basement. He's at his hole again, and Bebe is sitting
next to him. He has his basket, lotion, and rubber poodle ready
to go]
CARTMAN
And this is Precious.
BEBE
Precious?
CARTMAN
Bark bark bark. Okay, so then we put
my mom's hand lotion in this little
basket and lower it down to Polly Prissy
Pants.
BEBE
Uh huh.
CARTMAN
Now you say, "It puts the lotion on
its skin or else it gets the hose again."
BEBE
It puts the lotion on its skin or else
it gets the hose again.
CARTMAN
Heheh, yeah.
POLLY PRISSY PANTS
Mister, please let me out of here.
CARTMAN
Now say it again, louder.
BEBE
It puts the lotion on its skin or else
it gets the hose again.
CARTMAN
Good. Now, now put the lotion back in
the basket!
POLLY PRISSY PANTS
My parents have money, Mister. They'll
give you whatever you want. Please!
CARTMAN
Now, just yell "Put the lotion in the
fucking basket!"
BEBE
Put the lotion in the basket!
CARTMAN
Put the lotion in the fucking basket!
Oh no! Precious! I've got your dog,
Mister. Let me out or I'm gonna kill
it! Now you say, "Don't you hurt my
fuckin' dog!"
BEBE
Don't you hurt my fucking dog!
CARTMAN
You bitch, I'll cut your throat if-
KYLE
What the hell are you doing?
CARTMAN
We're playing "Lambs."
KYLE
Bebe, I thought we were going to watch
Terrance & Phillip today.
BUTTERS
Then we gotta work on your campaign.
BOY 2
Right, but first we gotta go to the-
STAN
Hoh!
BEBE
You guys, calm down!
[Token tackles Boy 1, Craig attacks Butters, Cartman punches
Boy 2, Kyle attacks Kevin, Pip beats on Tweek, Boy 1 chases after
Token, Boy 2 tosses Cartman over his head. Stan goes after Pip,
but Pip attacks first. Clyde goes after Tweek and sends him flying
across the basement. Token brings out a SuperBESTFriends lunchbox
and throws it at Clyde. Clyde jumps out of the way and the lunchbox
hits Timmy]
TIMMY
Timmih!
[Clyde attacks Token, but Token punches him away, then jumps
on him. Timmy runs over both of them. Token jumps up and goes
after Boy 1 again. Pip and Tweek fight again, and Stan comes
flying in, taking Pip]
BEBE
This is insane!
[Cartman picks Tweek up and throws him off. Boy 2 comes flying
at Bebe, back first. Bebe steps aside, and Boy 2 strikes the
wall]
BEBE
Stop it you guys, please!
[The map behind Bebe falls to the floor. Stan gets up, and Pip
flies at him. Cartman and Boy 1 fight again. Kyle swings in from
above on a hanging overhead light, landing on Cartman's back
as Cartman fight Tweek. Tweek drops away, and Cartman has to
wrestle Kyle. Boy 1 throws Token into a fossil display case,
and a femur falls out. Stan walks up and looks at Token, then
sees the femur. He picks it up and sees victory at hand. He starts
beating everyone with the bone. He hits Clyde twice with it,
and Clyde goes down. He then knocks out Kevin, then Cartman,
then Kyle, then goes after the other boys]
BEBE
Oh boy, I never meant to cause all this
trouble.
STAN
Hoh, hoh, hohhh! Hohhh!
[Bebe's house, day. She's at her window again, looking at the
neighborhood. The boys are all over her front lawn milling around]
BEBE'S MOM
Bebe, those boys from your school are
still waiting outside to see if you'll
come out.
BEBE
I know. They've been there all day.
STAN
Hoh, hoh hoh hoh!
CRAIG
Hah hah hahah hah!
STAN
Hoh hoh hoh! Hohohoh hoh!
BEBE'S MOM
Looks like my little girl has a lot
of gentlemen callers.
BEBE
Mom, why is everyone acting so different
around me?
BEBE'S MOM
Sweetie, you're just blossoming into
a woman.
BEBE
But, I, I don't know if I want to. Sometimes
I think I'm not as smart and cool as
they say, that everyone just tells me
I am because of my hooters.
BEBE'S MOM
Sweetie, you're a Stevens. And Stevens
women are always told they're really,
really smart.
BEBE
Mom? What's six times eight?
MRS. STEVENS
Oho, sweetie, those are two completely
different numbers. Alright boys, time
to be getting home. Bebe's not feeling
well and she she can't come out today.
Go one, shoo.
STAN
Hoh. Hoh?
ASTRONAUT 1
Aah. We made it.
ASTRONAUT 2
Boys, can you call 9-1-1 for us?
ASTRONAUT 1
Oh my God. We've landed on Earth thousands
of years in the future and apes have
taken over!
ASTRONAUT 2
I knew it! You blew it up, didn't you?!
ASTRONAUT 1
I don't want to live in this futuristic
madness!
ASTRONAUT 2
Take your ape rule and go to hell!
BEBE
Having boobs sucks.
[Hell's Pass Hospital, later. A man walks in and goes to his
desk]
A DOCTOR
Well hello there, little girl. My name
is Dr. Hallis. What can I do for you
today?
BEBE
I wanna have breast-reduction surgery.
DR. HALLIS
You?
BEBE
Yes. I have two hundred and twelve dollars
in nickels and a gold bracelet.
DR. HALLIS
Well, young lady, I'm afraid that we
don't offer breast reduction surgery
to girls of your age.
BEBE
Why not? Britney Spears got fake ones
when she was a teenager. Why can't I
have mine taken off?
DR. HALLIS
Because making breasts larger is a beautiful
and wonderful thing. Making them smaller
is... insane.
BEBE
I think it's insane to want them bigger.
DR. HALLIS
Why do you... hate your breasts so?
BEBE
Ever since I got these stupid things
everyone treats me differently. I feel
like I might be treated differently
the rest of my life.
DR. HALLIS
Oh, come on now, that's just silly.
BLONDE NURSE
Here's the Anderson file, Doctor.
DR. HALLIS
Oh, awesome. Thank you so much, Jillian.
That's great. Oh, God-damn. Thanks you
so much.
BRUNETTE NURSE
And here's the coffee you wanted, doctor.
DR. HALLIS
Yeah, whatever. Get out of here. Now,
I was saying?
BEBE
Please, you have to help me. I think
that if my breasts keep growing this
way, boys will give me whatever I want.
DR. HALLIS
Yeah, so? That's great, isn't it?
BEBE
No it's not, because if I grow up getting
everything I want, having things made
easy for me because I have hot knockers,
then I'm gonna grow up to be a lame
person. If I'm handed everything in
life, then my chances of becoming a
lawyer or a marine biologist are zero.
DR. HALLIS
That may be true, but I'm afraid I just
cannot ethically perform a breast-reduction
surgery on an eight-year-old girl.
BEBE
Damnit!
DR. HALLIS
If, on the other hand, you'd like to
make them a little bigger, I think now
might be the right time to size up,
hm?
BEBE
Oh, fuck off!
[Stan's house, day. In the dining room Randy reads the paper.
Sharon enters.]
SHARON
Randy, could you have a talk with Stanley?
RANDY
Why? What's the matter with him?
SHARON
It's just that, well, he's been acting
a little different lately.
STAN
Aaaa-ta. Aaaa-ta.
SHARON
He's been ignoring his homework, and,
all of his friends. I can't figure out
why.
STAN
Aaaa-ta. Aaaa-ta.
RANDY
Ohhh boy. Looks like he's starting to
notice breasts.
SHARON
Oh yes. Our little Stanley is starting
to become a man.
STAN
Ahta. Ah, ahta!
RANDY
Hey there, son.
STAN
Hoh? Ahta. Ahta.
RANDY
Yes, ahta. Let's have a talk, Stan.
STAN
Ahah
RANDY
Stan, as you get older, boobs - bu-these
"ahta" will start becoming a major part
of your life.
STAN
Ahta?
RANDY
But Stanley, you can't let them get
in the way of your friends. There are
a lot of boobs out there, son. But they're
just boobs; your friends... are forever.
STAN
Friend. Ahta.
RANDY
I know you think this set of boobs is
important now, but those boobs will
be replaced by another set of boobs.
Boobs will come and go, and then, someday,
you'll meet a pair of boobs that you
want to marry. And those become the
boobs that matter the most.
SHARON
I love you.
RANDY
If you can just understand that, Stanley,
you'll see that boobs hold no real power
at all.
[Bebe's house, night. The house is dark, so she's asleep. The
camera zooms in on her, and her breasts start to blink under
her gown]
RIGHT BREAST
The boys are at war. All is going as
planned.
LEFT BREAST
Yes. Soon all the boys will be brought
to their knees.
RIGHT BREAST
We grow larger every day.
LEFT BREAST
And stronger.
RIGHT BREAST
Soon the entire tow-
LEFT BREAST
Sh! Sh! She's awake!
RIGHT BREAST
Ah, quiet.
BEBE
MOM!! MOM!!
MRS. STEVENS
What is it, Bebe?
BEBE
My breasts!
MRS. STEVENS
Oh, sweetheart, you're just becoming
a young lady.
BEBE
No, they're conspiring! Mom, they were
talking! They wanna destroy the town!
MRS. STEVENS
Yes, darling, your breasts have a power
that will unleash itself as you get
older. They feed off the misery of boys
and grow to bring woe wherever they
can. You're blossoming into a woman.
BEBE
That does it! I'm NOT letting these
things run my life!
[Hell's Pass Hospital, day. Dr. Hallis walks in with a file and
quickly addresses his prospective client]
DR. HALLIS
Young lady, are you absolutely sure
you want to consider this kind of procedure
for your breasts?
WENDY
Yes! I want to get breast implants!
MRS. TESTABURGER
I tried to tell her she was too young.
DR. HALLIS
Well, it is a different time, Mrs. Testaburger.
Society puts a lot of pressure on your
daughter to look her best. Having small
breasts can make her feel unimportant.
MRS. TESTABURGER
But she's eight!
DR. HALLIS
Yes, well, not too young to feel flat
and therefore, not pretty.
WENDY
That's what I said.
DR. HALLIS
However, young lady, I'm afraid breast
implants are not for everyone. I'll
need to carefully assess your physical
and mental condition to see if augmentation
is truly the best way for you to go.
WENDY
I have three thousand dollars, cash.
DR. HALLIS
You pass. Let's do this thing.
MRS. TESTABURGER
Oh, wait. You're gonna do it right
now?
DR. HALLIS
Suuure. Breast augmentation is now a
very simple procedure. What we do is
make a small incision in the armpit
where it won't be seen. Then we take
this little plastic bag and gently place
it in the chest where we fill it with
salt water.
MRS. TESTABURGER
I still don't know about this.
DR. HALLIS
Look. Us plastic surgeons have one philosophy.
If we can help someone's self-esteem
a little, then why not do it if they
have to be a thousand dollars?
[Operating room, moments later. Wendy is hooked up and sedated.
The first incision is made to the left armpit and the flesh pulled
back hard. The nurse hands the doctor the first implant, which
he shoves in Wendy's chest]
DR. HALLIS
Cha! Gotta! Jam it! Up there! Get!
In! There! You! Bitch! Get! In!
There! You! Bitch! Hah! Okay, there's
one, Wendy. Doing great.
[South Park Elementary, day. Mr. Mackey is back teaching the
class. The kids are at their seats]
COUNSELOR MACKEY
M'kay. Kids, we need to talk about your
failing grades.
CLYDE
Bebe! Where Bebe?! Bebe! Bebe!
COUNSELOR MACKEY
M'kay, we all need to start studying
more and fighting less, m'kay?
A BOY
Bebe!
STAN
Ahta!
BEBE
Hey guys.
CRAIG
Have you guys noticed that Bebe isn't
as cool as she used to be?
TOKEN
Yeah. What the hell happened to us?
STAN
Oh my God. I get it now. It was Bebe's
boobs.
CARTMAN
Bebe's boobs?
BEBE
Oh cool! It worked!
STAN
Don't you guys see? Boobs... do something
to our brains. They fill our brains
with illusions.
KYLE
Sssss-so ...Bebe ...didn't become smart
and cool? It was just her boobs?
BEBE
Yes!
CARTMAN
So, Bebe is actually just as lame as
she ever was?
BEBE
Right. My boobs just clouded your judgment.
KYLE
But that sucks. I don't want something
to have that much power over me.
STAN
I don't think it will, you guys, as
long as we realize it. We must learn
to control their power over us.
CLYDE
Yeah. Screw boobs! They're stupid!
CRAIG
I'm sorry for fighting, you guys.
COUNSELOR MACKEY
Aw, that's so sweet, m'kay?
CLYDE
Let's never let boobs come between us
again!
THE BOYS
Hear Hear!
KYLE
Boobs are stupid!
WENDY
Hi, everybody.
CLYDE
Look at those ridiculous things!
BUTTERS
Oooo, they're all hard and oogey!
CARTMAN
What a stupid bitch!
THE END
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