"SOUTH PARK"
Episode 407
"CHEF GOES NANNERS"
Written by
Trey Parker
[The Mayor's office, day. The mayor is at her desk, flanked by
her assistants. Before her are Chef and Jimbo. The meeting starts]
MAYOR
Gentlemen, I understand you are here
to present both sides of an issue. I
wanna hear you both out and do this
in a civil and constructive manner so
that I can give you both the time and
attention you deserve. Jimbo, why don't
you begin?
JIMBO
Mayor, it's about the South Park flag.
MAYOR
Oh, Jesus Christ, not this again!
JIMBO
We cannot change the South Park flag,
Mayor!
CHEF
Mayor, as I've said before, I find that
flag to be racist and insensitive!
JIMBO
Chef, I respect you very much, but you
have to understand that this has been
the South Park flag since some of our
ancestors, like my great-grandfather,
founded this land!
CHEF
That flag represents a time when blacks
were persecuted by whites! How can a
black man not be bothered by it?!
MAYOR
Ahalright, Chef, I'll have my assistants
hold up the flag. and you tell me what
exactly you find racist about it.
CHEF
You don't see anything wrong with that
flag?!
JIMBO
Chef, what about the baseball team,
the Cleveland Indians, huh? Should they
change their name because it's racist?
CHEF
Yeah!
JIMBO
No, because it's their history!
CHEF
Look, I have gone to every quiet protest
I could! I have written everyone; I've
put up signs! But now I'm telling you
, THIS FLAG WILL BE CHANGED!
JIMBO
And I'm telling you it WON'T!
MAYOR
Oh, boy.
[South Park Elementary, day. The class bell rings and the kids
are in their seats. Timmy is now shown with the class.]
MR. WYLAND
Okay, children, in Mr. Garrison's absence,
I would like to turn the class's attention
to current issues. Some people think
the South Park flag should be changed,
while others believe that changing the
flag is wrong. I think this is a perfect
subject for your debate club.
CLASS
Aaaaah!
MR. WYLAND
I see that you've already had a lot
of interesting debates this year. Pro-Choice
vs. Cartman, Pro-Gun Control vs. Cartman,
a-and People Against the Clubbing of
Baby Seals vs. Cartman. And apparently,
the winner of all your debates so far
has been... Cartman.
CARTMAN
Thaaat's ri-ight.
KYLE
Cartman doesn't always win! He just
gets pissed off and goes home so we
can't debate anymore!
CLASS
Yeah.
CARTMAN
Nah-ah! I'm just a better debater than
you guys!
STAN
You don't even know what you're debating
about half the time!
CARTMAN
Yes I do!
CRAIG
No you don't!
CARTMAN
Oh yeah?! Well, screw you guys, I'm
going home!
KYLE
Told ya.
MR. WYLAND
Alright, children, well, unlike Mr.
Garrison, I want you all to go out and
research this debate before we pick
teams. Tomorrow, you'll need to choose
which side of this poignant debate you
are on.
[Jimbo and Ned's lodge, after school. They're sitting on the
front porch.]
JIMBO
This is about history, kids. If you
don't have respect for your past, then
you can never expect to- BIRD! -then
you can never expect to have a future.
Nowadays, everyone wants to change mascots
and flags because they're not "politically
correct." Well, where does it end? I
mean, people are gonna start sayin'
that the Denver Broncos are offensive
to horses. And then we'll have to- a
SQUIRREL! Aand then we'll have to change
everything, and pretty soon all our
history will be forgotten. But to REALLY
understand the South Park's flag's importance,
you need to know about South Park's
history. Ned here's a big history buff,
and he can tell you the whole story.
Ned?
NED
Nnneh, in 1867, fourteen pioneers from
the East Coast traveled across the Plains-
STAN
Uh that, that's okay, dude, I think
we got it.
KYLE
Yeah, we got it.
JIMBO
You sure?
STAN, KYLE
Yup.
JIMBO
You boys go make me proud now and win
that debate- Chris Peterson! God-damnit,
we missed him again!
[South Park Supermarket, after school. Chef is at the entrance
with a petition in his hands. With him are Wendy, Bebe, Clyde,
and Butters. Some folks head for the store...]
CHEF
Sign up to join me, and come marchng
to the Mayor's office in protest of
the South Park flag! You see that,
children?! Nobody wants to get involved!
Randy! Sign up to march with me against
the South Park flag on Wednesday?
RANDY
Oh, uuhh, look, Chef, you know I'm-m
not a racist, but uh, I just don't really
feel strongly one way or another about
the flag.
CHEF
Well, alright, Marsh, you're entitled
to your own opinion. That's how it
is in this town. I haven't gotten one
signature on this damn sheet, and I've
been here all day!
WENDY
We'll march with you, Chef.
CHEF
That's nice, but I need the support
of some registered voters. Ey, Mackey!
Sign up to march on Wednesday?
COUNSELOR MACKEY
Oo, Wednesday? Uh-Wednesday's tough.
I guess- maybe I could do somthin' uh,
Thursday afternoon.
CHEF
Alright, fudge it, Thursday. Anyone
else wanna go Thursday?
PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
Thursday's no good, we've got chior
council.
COUNSELOR MACKEY
Oh, yeah.
PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
What about next Sunday?
CHEF
Fine! Next Sunday!
MAN 1
You mean, during the ball game?
MAN 2
Oh, yeah. We can't do Sunday.
CHEF
Monday??
PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
Oh, I can't do Monday.
MAN 3
I could do Tuesday.
COUNSELOR MACKEY
Yeah, Tuesday morning's good.
MAN 1
You know what would be better for me
is Saturday afternoon.
MAN 2
Saturday is perfect for me.
PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
Yeah. How about Saturday at 11:30?
MAN 3
Mm hmm.
MAN 2, WOMAN 2
Yeah.
MAN 1
Yeah.
MAN 3
That sounds good.
MAN 2
Mm hmm.
COUNSELOR MACKEY
Yeah, I think that's the best day.
CHEF
Okay! On Saturday, we march!
MAN 2
Oh, march? What are we marching for?
CHEF
To bring down the South Park Flag!
MAN 2
...Oh.
MAN 3
Oohh, I gotta go.
MAN 1
I know what I may like. I dont like
marching
WOMAN 2
Uh, marching's really not for me.
MAN 2
See you later.
MR. WYLAND
Well I've counted up all your secret
ballots, childen, and it look like about
half of you think the flag should stary,
and half think the flag should be changed.
WENDY
How could any of you think that flag
should stay the way it is?!
MR. WYLAND
Save it for the debate, Wendy. Now I'm
going to assign the debate leaders.
Who wants to lead the "Flag Should Stay
The Way It Is" team?
STAN, KYLE
Me. Me. Me. Me.
WENDY
Stan?! How could you be so insensitive?!
STAN
Whoa, dude, I don't see anything wrong
with that flag.
KYLE
Yeah, me neither.
Mr. Wyland Alright. Stan and Kyle, [turns and writes on the board]
you can both be the team leaders for the "Flag should stay the
way it is" team. [turns around. Their names are there now] Now,
who wants to lead the "Flag should be changed" team? [an angry
Wendy raises her hand. Cartman looks over at her, then raises
his hand and chuckles] Okay, Wendy and Eric can team up. [writes
their names on the board]
WENDY
Nooo!
MR. WYLAND
Alright, children. Do your homework,
and let's get ready for a great debate!
[South Park Elementary, cafeteria. Kids enjoy their meals. Craig
enters the kitchen, followed by Stan, Kyle, Butters, and someone
else]
STAN, KYLE
Hello, Chef.
CHEF
My name isn't Chef anymore, children.
I've converted to Islam.
STAN
Islam??
CHEF
From now on, my name is Abdul Mohammed
Jabar Rauf Kareem Ali. With everyone
in town so insensitive about the flag,
I find it no longer fitting to use my
slave name!
STAN
Well, we need help with our debate club.
We have to explain why we think the
flag should not be changed.
CHEF
You WHAT?! You don't think they should
change the flag?!
KYLE
Not really.
STAN
Yeah, we don't see what the big deal
is.
CHEF
Well, that figures you don't! Because
your cracker-ass parents turned you
into little cracker-ass cracker-racists!
I never thought I'd live to see this
many of the people I considered friends
turn against me!
STAN
But Chef, we don't know what you're
talking about.
CHEF
But nothin'! "But" my ass! Fix your
own damn food!
[South Park Elementary, school library. Wendy has assembled her
team and leads them through preliminary items. In her team are
Bebe, Clyde, Butters, Token, Kevin, and three others. Cartman
is not there yet.]
WENDY
Okay. Now, in order for us the debate
to change the South Park flag, we will
need to do a lot of research. Now, my
plan is to divide up into three research
teams. We will present our arguments
based on things that w-
CARTMAN
It's okay, I'm here.
WENDY
Nice of you to show up! We were just
discussing how we should state our case.
CARTMAN
Yes. This is a difficult case. In order
to win the debate, we will need to attack
Stan and Kyle's credibility.
WENDY
What??
CARTMAN
That's how you win these things: attack
your opponents' credibility! Butters!
Take some kids and go dig up whatever
dirt you can on Kyle's past. I'm talkin'
booby magazines, whatever.
BUTTERS
Wwuhuh-o-kay!
CARTMAN
The rest of you, go get the goods on
Stan! His mom grounded him once for
setting something on fire. Let's find
out what that something was, and then
lie and say it was a puppy.
CLYDE
Right.
CARTMAN
Mmmm.
WENDY
Cartman, we can't just attack Stan
and Kyle's credibility. We need to present
our side of the debate.
CARTMAN
You're right. We'll need to look like
we prepared a case, too, so that they
look all the weaker. Good plan. Sooo,
what's the issue again?
WENDY
The South Park flag!
CARTMAN
Interesting. Aaand, what side are we
on?
WENDY
D'aaaaahhh!
CARTMAN
Whoa! Calm down, ho.
[South Park City Hall, day. A Channel 4 field reporter is on
scene. Chef is in the background dressed in a daishiki facing
the Hall, with his fist up. Two groups of people are there, one
on either side of him. The mayor and her assistants look out
over the scene from her office]
REPORTER
Tom, I'm standing out front of the
South Park Mayor's Office, where both
sides of this debate have gathered.
CHEF
Change the flag!
JIMBO
Don't change history!
MAYOR
Oh brother, what now?!
CHEF
Change the flag! Change the flag!...
REPORTER
Earlier, the South Park townspeople
voiced their opinion.
MAN 4
Well, I think the flag is racist!
Huh, but then again, it is part of our
history.
MAN 5
Well, I guess the flag is part of history,
...but I can see how it is racist.
MAN 6
I think it is history. I think it is
racist.
REPORTER
Well, one things for sure, tensions
are high and pressure is mounting on
the South Park Mayor to do something.
CHEF
...Change the flag! Change the flag!
Change the flag! Change the flag! In
the 1960's there was a monk who set
himself on fire to protest! You have
left me no choice! To protest your
lack of humanity, I will now do the
same thing!
MONK
Huh! Haaaaaaaaaaaah!
THE KKK
White Power! White Power! White Power!
White Power! White Power! White Power!
White Power!
REPORTER
What's this? Uh, Tom, it looks as if
the KKK have shown up to espress their
opinion.
KKK LEADER
Hello, brother. We are here to support
your noble cause.
JIMBO
Huh? Uh hey now, uh. We don't want your
support. We're not racists; this is
about history.
NED
Yeah.
KKK LEADER
Well, whether you want our support or
not, we're on your side!
THE KKK
White Power! White Power! White Power!
White Power! White Power! White Power!
White Power! White Power!
KYLE'S MOTHER
Mr. Garrison, you're a Klan member?
MR. GARRISON
NO, no, but Mr. Hat is.
MR. HAT
White Power! White Power!
MR. GARRISON
Ogh! You're such a racist bastard, Mr.
Hat.
THE KKK
White Power!
CHEF
Change the flag!
JIMBO
Don't change history!
MAYOR
Ooh, Jesus. What a mess.
[South Park City Hall, Mayor's office, later.]
MAYOR
Chef, we realize that you find the South
Park flag racist, and we certainly understand
your case. We have been diligently
working on this problem, put in a lot
of hours, and we have finally altered
the flag in a way that we think will
make you very happy. Gentlemen? There.
Is that better?
CHEF
No, damnit!
MAYOR
No, but look! He's got a little smile
now! See? He's happy. Much better,
don't you think? Well, some people
just won't with you at all. This is
getting out of hand. How do I absolve
myself of an responsibility with this?
JOHNSON
Mayor, the-ee South Park Elementary
children are discussing the flag issue
in their debate club on Friday.
ASSISTANT
We... could use the debate as an excuse
to hold a vote on the issue.
MAYOR
Yes, of course. Let the children be
responsible. Everybody loves children.
Tell the press. South Park Elementary
will be holding a vote on Friday!
[South Park Elementary, school library. Wendy has three stacks
of books to pore over, Cartman is playing with his toys]
WENDY
This might come in handy. It says here
that recently a case was brought before
the South Carolina Court about their
flag, and they-
CARTMAN
I warn you, Bog Monster! Do not mock
Captain Candycone!
[as Bog Monster] O yeah?! How would you like I should kick you
in the nuts?!
WENDY
If we could show a parallel between
the South Carolina case-
CARTMAN
Ugh. Oh yeah?! I'll kick you in the
nuts!
[as Bog Monster] Ugh. I'll kick you in the nuts!
[as Captain Candycone] I'll kick you in the nuts!
WENDY
Cartman, why don't you just go home?!
You aren't helping any!
CARTMAN
You won't let me help.
WENDY
That's because you're stupid, and you're
a racist!
CARTMAN
...Touché. But dude, you might as well
let me help you. We're in this together.
I mean, just... tell me what to do, and
I'll do it. Wendih, let Cartman help.
Seriouslih. Wendih. Seriouslih. The
Bog Monster speaketh.
[South Park, the offices of Brovlofski and Jackson, Attorneys
At Law. Kyle and Stan have assembled their team there. Kenny,
Craig and Tweek are there with two others.]
KYLE
Okay. since my dad's a lawyer, he says
we can use any of his books we want.
Who wants to read them?
STAN
Come on, you guys. We all have to work
on this!
KYLE
Kenny, how many of my dad's mints are
you gonna eat? Jesus!
KENNY
(Plenty. This is 'cause my family's
poor.)
KYLE
I know your family's poor, but you can't
just eat an entire bowl of mints for
dinner.
KENNY
(Ah, fuck you!)
STAN
I don't think we stand a chance in this
debate, 'cause Wendy's leading the other
side.
KYLE
Dude, you're just saying that because
she's your girlfriend.
KENNY
(Kyle, can I have a drink of water?)
KYLE
Yeah, you can have a drink of water.
The dispenser's over there.
STAN
Yeah, you must be thirsty after eating
60 mints.
KYLE'S FATHER
Hey, boys, how's the research coming?
KYLE
Pretty good, I guess.
STAN
Do you think they should change the
flag?
KYLE'S FATHER
Oh, uuhh. I don't know.
KYLE
Kenny ate all the mints, dad.
KYLE'S FATHER
Oh, those weren't mints, those were
antacid tablets.
KYLE
Oh.
STAN, KYLE
Kenny!
KENNY
(What?) (Oh oooooooOOOOOOOH!)
STAN
That was a good one.
[South Park City Hall. The KKK is still rallying. Mr. Hat keeps
Mr. Garrison in place]
THE KKK
White Power! White Power!
KKK LEADER
Do not change the flag! It is a symbol
of white power!
THE KKK
White Power!
MR. GARRISON
Oohh, I'm sorry, Chef. Mr. Hat is a
racist son of a bitch.
MR. HAT
Don't apologize for me to that spearchucker!
MR. GARRISON
Dugh! Ogh. Waaaaah!
CHEF
How can you all just stand by and let
these racists do this?!
OFFICER BARBRADY
Well, Chef, it's freedom of speech.
We don't like it, but we can't arrest
them for talking.
REPORTER
Should the Klan be allowed to rally
on the steps of the Capitol? Here's
what some people think.
MAN 7
Well, I think they are racist, but I...
do think freedom of speech is important.
MAN 8
Well, I, for one, believe in freedom
of speech. ...Mmm but then again, I think
they are racist.
MAN 9
Well, I believe that they are racist,
but I do believe that all-
CHEF
Aw, the hell with all of you indecisive
bastards!
REPORTER
On Friday, South Park Elementary will
present its debate, and after the debate,
there will finally be a vote. Preliminary
polls show three in favor of changing
the flag, three against changing the
flag, and 4382 undecided. So the pressure
in on those South Park kids!
KKK LEADER
Well, that's enough rallying for this
afternoon, members. Let's take a hot
shower!
THE KKK
Hot shower! Hot shower! Hot shower!
JIMBO
Ned, nobody's gonna vote for our side
if it's the side those KKK members are
on. Come on, we gotta put a stop to
them.
[South Park Elementary, school library, night. Wendy and Cartman
are both laboring over books. Between them is a tray of Oreo
cookies.]
WENDY
I can't believe it. All the pressure's
on us. I mean, this debate is going
to actually affect the outcome of the
vote.
CARTMAN
Uh huh.
WENDY
Oh man, we've got to come up with rebuttals
to the history argument.
CARTMAN
Why don't we just talk about the swastika?
WENDY
Huh?
CARTMAN
I mean, Germany was united under the
swastika, right? But,... obviously history
wasn't as important as changing the
views after the war and stuff, so hey
changed it.
WENDY
Hey, that's a pretty good point, Cartman.
CARTMAN
Yeah.
WENDY
Not bad at all. I may make that our
first argument.
CARTMAN
Cool.
WENDY
Double-stuffed cookies are my favorite.
CARTMAN
Really? Mine too. What I really like
to do, is I like to take the tops off
of two cookies, and then put them together
and make "quadruple stuffs."
WENDY
Hey, that's what I always do, too!
CARTMAN
No way!
WENDY
Yeah. Jesus, I never thought I'd have
anything in common with you, Cartman.
CARTMAN
Me neither.
WENDY
Aha ha.
CARTMAN
Huh.
WENDY, CARTMAN
Well, anyway, let's get back to work.
CARTMAN
Whoa.
WENDY
Weird, um. Okay. Uh. Now, let's say
that first we talk about the history
of the flag. We can show that the-
CARTMAN
Ur, s-sorry. Go ahead.
WENDY
No. You go ahead.
[Mr. Garrison's house, night. The living room. Mr. Garrison enters]
MR. GARRISON
Mr. Hat, what do you think you're doing?
MR. HAT
There's another Klan rally tonight;
I have to be there in 15 minutes.
MR. GARRISON
Ooh no, Mr. Hat. You are not dragging
to another Klan meeting.
MR. HAT
But they're electing a new assistant
to the Grand Dragon. I might get elected.
MR. GARRISON
Well, good for you, Puppet Pants! I'll
have nothin' to do with it!
MR. HAT
I'm going whether you like it or not!
MR. GARRISON
Oh yeah?! I'm not going, Mr. Hat, and
that's final! Let's just see you try
and go without me! Mi-Mr. Hat?
[South Park, the woods. The KKK rallies around a burning cross.]
THE KKK
White Power! White Power! White Power!
White Power! White Power! White Power!
White Power! White Power!
JIMBO
Alright, Ned. We've got to be careful.
These are really evil men we're dealing
with.
NED
Mmm-okay.
JIMBO
Damnit Ned, doesn't that thing have
a volume control?
NED
No.
THE KKK
White Power! White Power!
KKK LEADER
Good evening, brothers. Our first order
of business tonight is to have Brother
Anderson update us on last week's minutes.
BROTHER ANDERSON
Last week we decided we hate blacks
and Jews. A lot!
KKK LEADER
Alright. And now it's time for us all
to come together, and... do our cake raffle.
KKK MEMBERS
Oh, cake raffle.
KKK LEADER
This week's winner is... uh, 2 9 7 4.
TICKET 2974 HOLDER
I won, I won. I won the cake!
KKK LEADER
God job, brother.
[A green and flowering meadow under a brilliant orange dawn.
A happy Wendy walks in and grabs some flowers, then sniffs them
deeply. She then looks behind her to find Cartman sitting on
a white steed under a bright yellow sun. The steed neighs]
WENDY
Cartman!
CARTMAN
Ahh!
WENDY
Say it'll be like this forever.
CARTMAN
Okay, It will be like this forever.
WENDY
Oh, Cartman!
[Wendy's room, night. She rises in bed with a start. That scene
in the meadow was a dream]
WENDY
AAAAAAaaaah! Brrrrr. What's wrong with
me? Ahhh. It's okay. Get a grip, girl.
CARTMAN'S VOICE
Wendih. Wendih.
WENDY
Aaaah!
CARTMAN'S VOICE
Wendih, look at me.
WENDY
Oh God, please don't let this be happening.
[South Park, the woods, deep in the night.]
KKK LEADER
Alright brothers, listen up! As you
know, this fine city is holding a vote
on whether or or not to change their
flag. But lynching minorities is history!
So what are we gonna do about it?!
MEMBER 1
Let's say that if they change the flag,
we'll burn down the Capitol!
KKK MEMBERS
Yeah!
MEMBER 2
Let's say that if they change the flag,
we'll never leave this town!
KKK MEMBERS
Yeah!
JIMBO
Let's say they should change the flag!
KKK MEMBERS
Yeah! Wah?
KKK LEADER
Uh what's that, brother?
JIMBO
I thnk we should switch sides!
NED
Me too. Nnn-that's a good idea.
JIMBO
Look, we have to accept the fact that
most people in the world hate us, right?
KKK MEMBERS
Yeah, m-hm.
JIMBO
So, whatever side we're on is the side
that's gonna lose, right?
KKK MEMBERS
Right, yeah.
JIMBO
So why don't we all say that we want
the flag changed. That way, most folks'll
vote to keep it the way it is.
KKK LEADER
That's a great idea, brother!
KKK MEMBERS
Yeah!
KKK LEADER
Alright, it is decided! We will officially
tell everyone that we want the flag
changed, so that they will all vote
against us!
KKK MEMBERS
Hooray, yeah!
A MEMBER
We'e smart!
JIMBO
That worked perfectly, Ned.
KKK LEADER
Well alright, now that that's out of
the way, it is time to play, "Whose
got the silliest thing on under their
robe?"
KKK MEMBERS
Yeah, woohoo!
[The contest. The first member walks down the middle and shows
off his boxers with a heart design. The second comes in and shows
off his lederhosen. The third comes in and shows off bikini briefs
and garters. The fourth comes in and shows off a yellow bird
costume.]
JIMBO
Jesus, Ned, these guys are completely
nuts.
NED
Mm-yup.
[the fifth member comes in and shows off his hand-walking skills,
and the sixth one shows off his penis... Jimbo and Ned walk away
from the scene]
JIMBO
That is the most insane thing I've
ever seen. I can't believe those people
are on our side. I mean, is our side
that crazy? Oh, hello, Chef. Big debate
tomorrow, I guess. Oh, Jesus, the robes!
Chef, this isn't what it looks like.
You've gotta listen to us!
CHEF
I ain't gonna listen to nothin'! This
whole cracker-ass town can kiss my ass!
JIMBO
Ned, I'm starting to think that maybe
history ain't worth defendin' sometimes.
[Wendy's house, morning, before school. Living room]
WENDY
Thanks for coming over, Bebe. I have
something to tell you.
BEBE
Sure, what?
WENDY
Bebe, I'm attracted to Cartman.
BEBE
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
WENDY
I know.
BEBE
Why would you tell me this? Why would
you tell anyone this?
WENDY
Because I don't know what to do. I can't
concentrate, and if I can't concentrate,
then I can't win the debate tomorrow.
The whole vote is dependent on me doing
a good job-
BEBE
Alright, look. When two people work
closely for a long time, sometimes they
feel what's called, "sexual tension."
Sometimes you just have to act on impulse
and get it over with.
WENDY
You mean, I should kiss him?
BEBE
Kiss him and get it out of your system.
WENDY
Oh God.
[South Park Elementary, the gym. Mr. Wyland is shown behind a
podium, and the South Park flag hangs from some rafters behind
him. Two tables are set up, one for each side of the debate.
Behind the "FLAG SHOULD STAY THE SAME" table are Stan, Kyle,
and two other boys. Behind the "FLAG SHOULD CHANGE" table are
Wendy, Cartman, Token, and Butters.]
MR. WYLAND
Well I certainly would like to thank
all the parents for their support of
our debate club. I r-realize that many
of you are torn by the issues as well,
so, perhaps the children can shed some
light on us. We'll start with Wendy
Testaburger on the "Flag Should Be Changed"
team.
WENDY
The- the- uh, aheh ahum, the... the-
uh, Ahhhhh, The first argument we-
ah... Let me start over. The uh- oh
God. Could you all excuse me for a moment?
PEOPLE IN AUDIENCE
Oh.
REALLY SHOCKED MAN
Oh, God!
WENDY
Yes. Now, the main point we would like
to make is oftentimes it is prudent
to change history. As times change we
hope to grow, and as we grow our rules
must change. It is a natural part of
evolution. Thank you.
MR. WYLAND
Okay, and Kyle and Stan's team, your
main point?
KYLE
Our main point is that the flag shouldn't
offend anyone, because killing has been
around since the bieginning of time.
All animals kill. And the animals that
don't kill are stupid ones, like cows
and turtles and stuff. So people should
not be so upset about killing.
CHEF
Whoa whoa whooaa! You just missed the
point entirely!
KYLE
Huh?
CHEF
I'm not mad because the flag shows somebody
gettin' killed, It's because it's racist!
KYLE'S TEAM
Racist??
CHEF
Children, don't you even know what this
argument is about?! That flag is racist
because a black man is being hung by
white people.
KYLE'S TEAM
Ooooooohhh.
CHEF
Ooooooohhh?!
KYLE
W-we really didn't see it that way.
CHEF
But that's a black man up there!
KYLE
Y-yeah, but... the color of someone's
skin doesn't matter.
CHEF
Well of course it matters when- ...Oh
my God. Wait a minute. You children
didn't even see the flag as a black
man being hanged by white people, did
you?
KYLE'S TEAM
No.
CHEF
Why, that is- that is the most beautiful
thing I have ever heard.
MAYOR
What?
MR. WYLAND
What?
CHEF
Don't you see? All this time I thought
these little crackers had turned racist,
when actuallih they were so not racist
that they didn't even make a separation
of black and white to begin with. All
they saw when they looked at that flag
was five people.
A FEW PEOPLE
Awww.
SOME KKK MEMBERS
Awww.
KYLE
Yeah.
CHEF
I'm sorry, children. I was wrong about
you. But I still the flag needs to be
changed. But now I realize that I almost
let racism turn me into a racist.
JIMBO
Yeah. You know, uh I suddenly found
myself on the side of Klan menbers.
I've never had anything against blacks,
Chef.
CHEF
Oh, I know you don't, Jimbo. I've known
you for almost ten years. You're a good
man.
JIMBO
We've been way too divisive over this,
Chef. Maybe we can come up with a- compromise
flag—something that everybody can be
happy with.
CHEF
I think that's a much better start than
me tryin' to separate myself from all
you wonderful crackers.
AUDIENCE MEMBERS
Ooh, huhuh. Oooh
KYLE
Oh. Sweet, dude. I don't think we have
to do this stupid debate now. Stan?
[South Park City Hall, day. The Mayor has called a town meeting
at City Hall and now stands at her podium with the town gathered
before her. Something hangs above her covered by a brown curtain]
MAYOR
This has been an interesting week in
South Park. We've all done a lot of
growing this week. Everyone was afraid
to take a stand on this issue. But now
we have learned once again that black,
white, yellow, brown, or whatever, we
are all just people. And so, I am very
excited to unveil our new South Park
Flag!
STAN
Wait, I don't get it.
KYLE
No, see? There's people of all colors.
And they added a black guy as one of
the hangers, too, so it's not racist.
CHEF
Hooray!
JIMBO
I have to admit it, that is a lot nicer.
WENDY
Phew. I'm sure glad that's over with.
CARTMAN
Me, too!
WENDY
I can't believe how right Bebe was
about feeling under pressure with somebody.
As soon as it was over, all my feelings
for you just vanished.
CARTMAN
Oh, huh. Yeah. Yeah, totally huh.
WENDY
I'm totally back to normal. See you
later.
CARTMAN
Yeah. See you later, heh. Ho, huhuh,
he, haha.
WENDY
Hahaha. Stan. Stan, wait up!
THE END
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