"SOUTH PARK"
Episode 311
"CHINPOKOMON"
Written by
Trey Parker
[The Cartman house, day. Cartman is watching TV and snacking
on soomething. Kitty walks up]
KITTY
Reowr.
CARTMAN
No, Kitty! These are my spicy-hot Louisiana-baked
Chicken Tenders!
KITTY
Reowr.
CARTMAN
No, Kitty!
"ASH"
Someday, I will collect all the Chinpoko
Mon. Then I will fight the Evil Power
that will reveal itself once all the
Chinpoko Mon are collected- oh?
KITTY
Roar?
CARTMAN
No, Kitty. You can't have these chicken
tenders, because they are mine, and
I keep mine to myself- oh?
ANNOUCNER
Be sure to tune in tomorrow for another
inexplicable episode of... CHINPOKOMON.
CARTMAN
Hooray!
ANNOUCNER
Hey kids! Do you love Chinpokomon?
CARTMAN
Yes.
ANNOUNCER
Well, now you can buy your very own!
SINGER
I've got to buy Chinpokomon
I've got to buy it, I've got to buy it! [six Chinpokomon appear]
ANNOUNCER
Now you can collect them all. Furrycat,
Donkeytron, Pengin, Shoe, Lambtor. Collect
them all, and you can become Royal Crown
Chinpoko Master.
CARTMAN
Whoa! Crown Chinpoko Master?! Holy shit!
ANNOUNCER
All the Chinpokomon are in stores now.
JAPANESE WOMAN
Chinpokomon is soo-peh-rior rubbeh
toy, Nuhmbah 1!
SINGER
Come buy us! Chinpo-ko-mon!
CARTMAN
Mom! Mom!
[The kitchen. Liane is at the sink. Cartman rushes in and runs
circles around her legs]
CARTMAN
Mom! Seriously! Let's go to the toy
store, Mom. Now! Must go! Toy store!
LIANE
Eric, calm down.
CARTMAN
Uh seriously! Mom! Must go! Must buy!
LIANE
What is it, Eric?
CARTMAN
Muh. Mom, I've only just heard. They're
making Chinpokomon dolls, mom. You can
collect them all. You can collect them
all, Mother; quick, come on. Let's go
to the toy store.
LIANE
I'm making you some lunch right now,
Eric.
CARTMAN
...But Mo-o-om, I have to get Chinpokomon
dolls before everybody else does, 'cause
then I'll be coo-oo-ool.
LIANE
Can't it wait till tomorrow, hon?
CARTMAN
...But Mo-o-om, I have to get the first
one, or else people won't think I'm
coo-oo-ool!
LIANE
Alright! let's go.
CARTMAN
Sweet.
[The toy store, "TOYS." Cartman and Liane approach it]
YES! We Have CHINPOKOMON!
CARTMAN
Everybody's gonna be sooo jealous when
they see my Chinpokomon.
GIRL
Give it to me!
BOY
Give it here!
CARTMAN
Oh, God damnit!
STAN
Hey, fatass.
CARTMAN
Hey, dick-whore. I guess you saw the
commercial, too.
STAN
Yep. I got: Roostor, Lambtron, and Shoe.
CARTMAN
Well, that's nice, but I'm gonna get
a Pengin. He's the coolest. God damnit,
there's no more Pengins! Kenny, Pengin
is my favorite. That's the last one.
Let me have it.
KENNY
(Nuh uh.)
CARTMAN
C'mon.
KENNY
(Nuh uh!)
CARTMAN
C'mon, Kenny. Let me ha-
KENNY
(No!)
CARTMAN
C'mon.
KENNY
(No!)
CARTMAN
C'mon. Give me Pengin!
KENNY
(No! This is mine!)
CARTMAN
C'mon!
[The checkout counter. Sharon is ready to pay for some Chinpokomon.
Liane has one, too. Sharon turns to Liane]
SHARON
Honestly, I don't see what they find
so amusing about those things.
LIANE
They're so strange. Where are they from?
CASHIER
Well, it's some new big thing from Japan.
I tell you, those Japanese really know
how to market to kids.
"ASH"
I've got to collect all Chinpokomon.
I've got to collect them all so I can
become Royal Crown Chinpoko Master -
oooh?
JAPANESE WOMAN
Own-ah Chinpokomon, and-ah you vill-ah
have-ah happy feelings-eh.
"ASH"
I have to become Royal Crown Chinpoko
Master.
KIDS
Must collect Chinpokomon.
[South Park, next day. The boys stand around with their Chinpokomon.
Kyle is missing.]
CARTMAN
Okay, Kenny. I'll trade you my Chuchunezumi
for your Pengin.
KENNY
(Fuck you!)
CARTMAN
God damnit, you're supposed to trade
those, you asshole! Now, give me Pengin!
KYLE
Hey dudes. What are those?
STAN
What are these? They're Chinpokomon!
KYLE
Huh??
CARTMAN
You don't appear to have any Chinpokomon.
KYLE
No, but look: I just got this sweet
Cyborg Bill doll.
CARTMAN
Oho, please. Cyborg Bill is so yesterday.
STAN
Yeah, like ancient history.
KYLE
Cyborg Bill isn't cool anymore?
STAN
No, dude!
CARTMAN
Cyborg Bill hasn't been cool for a long
time, Kyle.
KYLE
Why the hell don't people tell me these
things?!
CARTMAN
It's all Chinpokomon now.
STAN
Dude, if you collect Chinpokomon you
can complete the Primary Main Objective.
KYLE
What's the Primary Main Objective?
CARTMAN
You don't even know what the Primary
Main Objective is?
STAN
The Primary Main Objective is to destroy
the Evil Power.
KYLE
Well. what's the Evil Power?
STAN
Ogh!
CARTMAN
Oh, my God! The identity of the Evil
Power won't be revealed until all Chinpokomon
are collected by a Royal Crown Chinpoko
Master!
KYLE
What?
CARTMAN
Duuuh!
STAN
Kyle, get with the times, dude!
CARTMAN
Duuuh!
KYLE
Shit!
[The Broflovski house. Sheila and Gerald are talking on the sofa.
Ike sits to Gerald's left]
KYLE'S FATHER
Yeah, I guess so.
KYLE
Mom, Dad, can I have money to buy Chinpokomon?
KYLE'S MOTHER
What's a Chinpokomon?
KYLE
I'm not sure.
KYLE'S MOTHER
Well, why do you need one?
KYLE
I don't know.
KYLE'S MOTHER
...Well then, the answer is no, Kyle.
You just got money to buy your Cyborg
Bill doll.
KYLE
Yeah, but Cyborg Bill is totally gay
now. Please Mom? Everybody else has
Chinpokomon.
KYLE'S FATHER
Well, Kyle, that's not a reason to buy
something.
IKE
Neah Kyle doh.
KYLE'S FATHER
You see, son, fads come and go. And
this "Chin-po-ko Mon" is obviously nothing
more than a fad. You don't have to be
a part of it. In fact, you can make
an even stronger statement by saying
to your peers, "I'm not going to be
a part of this fad, because I'm an individual."
Do you understand?
KYLE
Yes. Yes, I do, Dad. Now let me tell
you how it works in the real world.
In the real world, I can either get
a Chinpokomon, or I can be the only
kid without one, which singles me out,
and causes the other kids to make fun
of me and kick my ass.
KYLE'S FATHER
Hm. Good point; here's $10.
KYLE
Thanks.
KYLE'S FATHER
Wait, here's 20. Get one for your brother,
too.
IKE
Hey, Chih-paw-ko.
[The toy store. Kyle has just purchased a Lambtor]
CASHIER
There you go, son. I honestly don't
know what you see in these things.
KYLE
Neither do I.
CASHIER
I guess I'll call it a night.
A VOICE
Chinpoko! Buy me! Buy me! When will
you become Royal Chinpoko Master? Hurry
up and buy me. Down with America!
CASHIER
What?
LAMBTOR
I love you. Let's be best friends, and
destroy the capitalistic American government.
CASHIER
What the hell is goin' on here?!
[The Cartman house, next day. The boys are engaged in a video
game. Again, Kyle is absent]
KYLE
Hey you guys! Check out my sweet Chinpokomon
doll!
CARTMAN
Oh, please, Chinpokomon dolls are so
last week.
KYLE
What?
STAN
Yeah, dude. Don't you know? It's all
about the Chinpokomon video game now.
Did you bring your special Chinpokomon
game controller?
KYLE
Huh? No.
CARTMAN
Oh, you didn't get a special Chinpokomon
game controller. T-heh heh heh heh.
Jehesus C-hrist!
ANNOUNCER
Chinpokomon, what is Primary Objective?
STAN, CARTMAN, KENNY
To destroy the Evil Power!
"ASH"
I've got to buy all the Chinpokomon
so I can destroy the Evil Power - oooh?
STAN, CARTMAN, KENNY
Oooh?
KYLE
Damnit!
"ASH"
I've got to buy them all, so first I'd
better go to Hawaii and visit Pearl
Harbor.
JAPANESE WOMAN
Gottai to bomb thah hahbah! Deddy?
"ASH"
Go!
KENNY
(Hey, you guys.)
"ASH"
I must buy them all! I must buy them
all!
STAN, CARTMAN, KENNY
We must buy them all!
JAPANESE WOMAN
Gottai to bomb thah hahbah!
STAN
Dude! The video game gave Kenny a seizure.
CARTMAN
Cool! This game rules!
[Japan, later, Chinpokomon Company, outside. An insde shot looks
to the main doors as they open, and one man walks in]
CASHIER
Hello-o? Ey, hello?
JAPANESE WOMAN
Werucome to Chinpokomon Toy Corporashon.
Purease state a-name.
CASHIER
Rr- Red Harris? I own a toy store in
Aemrica?
JAPANESE WOMAN
Purease state the puhpose-uh.
RED
Uh, I wanna know what the hell you people
are doing with these dolls, talkin'
about bringin' down American government
and all?
TALLER MAN
I am President Hirohito. And-ah, this
is Mr. Ose.
MR. OSE
Peased to meet you.
PRESIDENT HIROHITO
We unduhstand you have big concern about
our fine pro-duct.
RED
Oh, eh- yes. Do you mind tellin' me
what the hell this is about?
LAMBTOR
The American government lies to you!
Join the fight for Japanese supremacy
of the world! More to come.
RED
Well?
MR. OSE
Uuuh.
PRESIDENT HIROHITO
That is so sturange. I do not a-know
how this could happen. But urest assured,
I will make sure it does not happong
again!
RED
Well, now, come on, I don't think that
that quite satisfies my-
PRESIDENT HIROHITO
You are American?
RED
Yes.
PRESIDENT HIROHITO
Ogh! You must have very big pee-anis!
RED
Excuse me? I was just asking you what
you're up to with these toys!
PRESIDENT HIROHITO
Nothing. We are very simple people.
With very small penis. Mr. Ose penis
is ...especially small.
MR. OSE
Uh, smuh, so small.
PRESIDENT HIROHITO
We cannot achieve much with so small
penis. But you! Americans. Wow! Penis
so big! SOOO big penis!
RED
Well uh, he-I guess it is a pretty
good size.
MR. OSE
Minata, kite kite! This-a man has veh-ry
big penis!
WOMAN 1
Take takeru o da ne?
WOMAN 2
Hai.
MR. OSE
Uh, hoh, what an-whoa immense penis-uh!
RED
Well, it certainly was nice meeting
you folk, I just wanted to bring that
little malfunction to your attention.
Bye-bye now.
PRESIDENT HIROHITO
Good-bye. Thank you for stopping by,
with your gargantuan penis. Dame, dame
da. Naze kono chippu wa soto ni detandaba?
MR. OSE
Wa, wakarimasen, sachoo san. Mondai
desu nee.
PRESIDENT HIROHITO
Sekinin shoo yobe!
MR. OSE
Hai. Hai, sachoo san.
[The Cartman house, night. Kitty roars outside. Cartman is asleep,
but tossing...]
CARTMAN
I've got to buy Chinpokomon. I've got
to... buy them. Must buy Chinpokomon.
[His Chinpokomon sends up an antenna, which sends out a signal,
which goes out the window and joins other signals at a point
in space. Then the merged signals go to a satellite, which bounces
them to Japan. The signals reach the Chinpokomon Toy Corporation's
rooftop satellite dish and split up to show each Chinpokomon
in its own screen on the company's video wall. President Hirohito
is talking to his board of directors under heavy guard]
PRESIDENT HIROHITO
Amerika ni, kodomo zenbu Chinpokomon
motte iru. Kore kara, "phase two" hajimete.
IKIMASHOO! The time has come! We will
take Pearl Harbor!
RANDY
What are you doing?
SHARON
I'm watching one of Stanley's Chinpokomon
video tapes.
RANDY
Why?
SHARON
Our son loves this show, Randy, so I
think it's important that we watch it
to see if it's teaching him good moral
values.
"ASH"
Hey, you must be Roostor! I haven't
bought one of you yet, but I'll bet
you can transform into Roostallion if
you found Diamond Skill 7!
ROOSTOR
Roo-oo-oostor!
"EIGHT"
Hey, I'm gonna take your Roostor and
put it in this bag, where it will flourish
or expire, depending on fate!
"ASH"
Hey! Is that a good idea?
"EIGHT"
Roostors aren't like Chuchunezumis.
They haven't the heart for such endeavors.
"ASH"
Oooh?
RANDY
...Are those good moral values?
SHARON
I don't know what the hell they're talking
about.
[The Marsh house, later. Randy and Sharon watch a battle scene
in disbelief]
"ASH"
Lambtron! You are losing the battle
of your life!
NARRATOR
But Lambtron's powers also give him
a good chance for a new fight. Will
he succeed?
"ASH"
I am sad now, because Lambtron must
be very lonely because there are so
few Lambtrons in the world. Will he
ever find a companion?
SHARON
This doesn't make sense. Are those stupid
things supposed to be animals or robots
or what?!
RANDY
I don't know, but I suddenly kinda wanna
own them all.
SHARON
Randy, we can't allow our son to watch
this stuff!
RANDY
Well, it's not like it's vulgar or violent.
SHARON
No, but it's incredibly stupid, and
that could be worse on a child's mind
than any vulgarity or violence. Remember
what "Battle Of The Network Stars" did
to an entire generation.
RANDY
My God, you're right.
[South Park, by Tom's Rhinoplasty, day. Cartman is strumming
a guitar. A sign on the case reads]
Please HELP...
Boys
Sent to camp
CARTMAN
Come on, brothers and sisters, we've
all got to join together.
Join together and give me money so I can buy more Chinpokomon!
We've got to stop this fight and...
STAN
How's it goin', fatass?
CARTMAN
I haven't made any money yet.
STAN
What?! You've been out here all weekend!
How are we gonna raise money to get
into the Chinpokomon camp?
CARTMAN
Ey! I'm the one who's been standing
out here with this gay guitar like a
God-damned hippie all weekend! What
have you two assholes done?!
STAN
We can't do anything. Kenny still hasn't
come out of his seizure.
KYLE
I got it! I got my Chinpokomon game
controller!
CARTMAN
Jesus Tapdancing Christ! Get with the
program, Kyle!
STAN
Yeah. Nobody plays the Chinpokomon video
games anymore. Now it's all about the
big weekend Chinpokomon camp.
KYLE
Camp?
CARTMAN
The makers of Chinpokomon are going
town to town and putting on a special
camp to show all the Chinpoko Masters
how to destroy the Evil Power.
STAN
You didn't know that?
KYLE
No, uh-I knew it! I knew it. I was
just testing you guys. You just wait
till I get to that Chinpokomon camp!
I'm gonna be the toughest master of
them all! So we'll see you there, a-ight?
STAN
Dude, did you just say "a-ight"?
KYLE
Yeah. You know, like Lauren Hill. A-ight?
CARTMAN
Oh, my God, that's so yesterday!
STAN
Yeah, dude. Nobody says "a-ight" anymore.
KYLE
What?? "A-ight"'s not cool, either??
When did that happen?
CARTMAN
Like, eight days ago.
KYLE
God damnit!
[The Marsh house, night. The TV is shown]
ANNOUNCER
Hey, kids! Only one more day till the
Chinpokomon camp! Come early and enjoy
all the Chinpoko fun!
SINGER
Chinpokomon Camp!
I've got to buy a ticket!
I've got to buy one! A ticket!
I've got to buy buy buy!
JAPANESE WOMAN
It'sa Satuhday anda Sunday. You can'ta
wait to go!
SINGER
Chinpoko Mon!
[The living room. The Broflovskis, Liane, the McCormicks, and
the Tweeks join the Marshes. The TV clicks off, and Sharon speaks]
SHARON
We just thought we'd bring it to everyone's
attention because, honestly, we don't
know how to feel.
LIANE
Well, I'm letting Eric go to the camp.
I mean, it seems to me this Chinpokomon
thing is just another harmless fad.
KYLE'S MOTHER
Yeah. We told Kyle he could go if he
did all his chores, and he did.
RANDY
Now, I'm not sure this blatant commercialism
is good for our boys.
KYLE'S MOTHER
Well, you know how it is, Randy. The
more we forbid them to play with Chinpokomons,
the more they're gonna love them.
SHARON
You're right, Sheila. I guess the best
thing we can do is just let them go
until they get sick of it.
KYLE'S MOTHER
Sure. Apparently, they've been doing
these camps in every city around the
country; how bad can they be?
[A chinpokomon camp. A huge temple looms over the crowd of kids.
Three huge screens display the Chinpokomon program. Soldiers
guard the screens and the central stairway. Stan and friends
move through the crowd. Several classmates are already there]
CARTMAN
Get outta the way! Move it!
STAN
Can you see anything?
KIDS
YAY!!!
STAN
It's starting, it's starting!
SINGER
I've got to buy it! I've got to buy
it! Chinpokomon!
MR. OSE
Attention! Attention! This isa Chinpokomon
Camp!
KIDS
Chinpokomon is what we strive to be
great at in our hearts!
KYLE
...our hearts. Kenny?
MR. OSE
What is the Primary Main Objective?
KIDS
To destroy the Evil Power!
KYLE
...Power.
MR. OSE
Yesuh. Anda what is the Evil Power?
The Evil Power is the UNITED STATESUH
GOVERNMENT!
CARTMAN
Ooooh.
MR. OSE
United Statesuh government is the Evil
Power! It hasa taken Japanese Americans!
It hasa broken Japanese spirit! And
what do Chinpoko Masters do to Evil
Power?!
KIDS
Destroy it!
KYLE
Destroy it?
MR. OSE
That isa correct! Now, it isa great
honor to present... your Chinpoko Leaduh!
Emperor Hirohito!
EMPEROR HIROHITO
Welcome to campu. Whoever passes it
knows and honors that the greatness
of Japan is in its history, and it is
based on that history that we shall
again rise to the dominant world powuh!
CARTMAN
Is this cool or not? I can't tell.
EMPEROR HIROHITO
It is again time for the Rising Sun
to sit tall in the sight! One Japan!
One society!
MR. OSE
We will begin witha language anda exercise
skills. Hajimete!!
INSTRUCTORS
Ichi, ni, san, shi!
KIDS
Ichi, ni, san, shi! Ichi, ni, san, shi!
[South Park Elementary, Mr. Garrison's class. The kids are chatting
away happily in Japanese. All have anime expressions]
MR. GARRISON
Okay, children, I want it quiet! Now,
we're gonna try this again until we
get it right! What is 6 x 3?
STAN
Juuhachi desu ka?
CLASS
Juuhachi da nee!
MR. GARRISON
NO, GOD DAMNIT, IT'S 18!
STAN
Juuhachi is 18, Garrison-san.
MR. GARRISON
For the last time, my name is not Garrison-san,
all right?! And this is not Hat-san!
And you all better start talking in
a manner that I can understand!
CARTMAN
Wuu, Garrison-san sabuchii dana!
MR. GARRISON
What did he say?!
STAN
He said, "Garrison-san sabuchii da naa!"
CLASS
Soo desu nee!
MR. GARRISON
Damnit, this is not Japan!!
CARTMAN
Minata! Kite kite, churi-
WENDY
Dare ga pu shita no.
MR. GARRISON
Aaaaah!
[City Hall, the Mayor's Office. The parents are gathered in it]
MAYOR
People, please! We can only speak one
at a time. Now, Mr. Garrison, you were
saying...
MR. GARRISON
I can't take it, Mayor. You have to
put an end to this Chinpoko Camp.
SHARON
My son hasn't made any sense in days.
FR. MAXI
I tell you, Mayor, these Japanese are
trying to change our American children
somehow!
MAYOR
Alright, people, Mr. Hirohito and Mr.
Ose were nice emough to stop by to talk
to you. Gentlemen?
PRESIDENT HIROHITO
We at the Japan Toy Compnay are vetty
cohncerned about-a your cohncerns. That
is why we make Chinpokomon camp.
RANDY
Well, how is it good?! We don't understand
what the point of your product is!
PRESIDENT HIROHITO
There is nothing to worry about. We
at Japan Toy Compnay are in awe of your
large penis.
MR. GARRISON
What?
PRESIDENT HIROHITO
You see, Japanese penis so small
MR. OSE
So-eh small.
PRESIDENT HIROHITO
You Americans have such humungous burbous
penis.
MR. GARRISON
Well, uh-I guess that's true.
MR. OSE
Oh, suh-n nice-a big penis American.
PRESIDENT HIROHITO
What can we possubruh do with such small
penis? We cannot take over your city,
filled witha men awith such mastodonic
penis.
JIMBO
Huwell, uh he's got a point there.
RANDY
Well, I guess that settles that.
FR. MAXI
We're sorry we took your time, gentlemen.
PRESIDENT HIROHITO
Oh, no. Thank you. Another chance to
be in same room with big American penis.
MR. OSE
Uh, uh, my penis so small.
FR. MAXI
Nice guys.
[City Hall, outside the Mayor's Office.]
PRESIDENT HIROHITO
Jikan ganai. Suberi maratsuba. Sukash.
Simenu bi faamo werosii kowai samaneba.
[City Hall, the Mayor's Office. The men and women have split
into two groups by gender. Sharon speaks]
SHARON
So, what are we going to do about our
children? Aah, hello-o?
MAYOR
O-kay, people. I know this Chinpuku
Man fad is causing a lot of problems.
But I think we've already found a solution.
LIANE
You have?
MAYOR
Children are fickle. All we have to
do is come up with a new fad. We find
the next toy and turn them all onto
it as soon as possible.
SHARON
Of course! That's a great idea!
KYLE'S MOTHER
But what toy?
[South Park Market Research Laboratories, a nondescrpt building.
A big-screen TV is shown, flanked by two lab techs. Then a sofa
is shown, with Kyle, Stan, Cartman, Kenny, and Butters]
LAB TECH 1
Alright, boys, we're going to show you
a couple of comemrcials, and you tell
us which toy interests you the most.
Now, watch carefully.
ANNOUNCER
Hey, kids. Do you like Chinpokomon?
BOYS
Yeah!
ANNOUNCER
Well then, you're gonna go wild for
Wild Wacky Action Bike!
SINGER
Wild Wacky Action Bike! The bike that's
hard to ride!
ANNOUNCER
Wild Wacky Action Bike is almost impossible
to steer. And look: it glows in the
dark!
SINGER
Goin' to try to ride all day long, but
I'm goin' to fail
'Cause it's Wild Wacky Action Bike!
BOY
Man.
SINGER
You get about in, you get about in Wild
Wacky Action Bike!
BOY
Aaaaa-agh!
ANNOUNCER
Wild Wacky Action Bike comes with everything
you see here.
CARTMAN
...Gay.
STAN
Yeah, dude. That was totally gay.
LAB TECH 1
Ooh. Wuh-okay, here's the next one.
ANNOUNCER
Hey, kids. Do you like Chinpokomon?
BOYS
Yeah!
ANNOUNCER
Well then, you're gonna love... Alabama
Man!
SINGER
Alabama Man! He's quick, he's strong,
he's happ'nin'
ANNOUNCER
You can take Alabama Man to the bowling
alley, where he drinks heavily and chews
tobacco.
BOY 1
Wow! He can bowl.
SINGER
He can bowl, he can drink, he can drink
and bowl. Alaba-ma Man.
ANNOUNCER
When his wife asks him where he's been,
just use the action button , and Alabama
Man busts her lip open.
BOY 1
Shut up, bitch!
BOY 2
Wow!
SINGER
He beat the wife and sleeps it off.
Alabama Man!
BOYS 1 & 2
I wanna be just like Alabama man.
ANNOUNCER
Alabama Man comes with everything you
see here. Wife sold separately.
BOY 2
I thought I told you to shut up!
ANNOUNCER
Not all people from Alabama are wife-beaters.
CARTMAN
Gay.
STAN
Totally gay.
KYLE
Liberace gay.
LAB TECH 1
Oooh, dear. Well, let's keep trying.
How about this?
[South Park, next weekend. The adults are lined up on either
side of Main Street as Mr. Ose leads the kids through the town.
Japanese flags, a poster of President Hirohito, and red flags
are being paraded]
MR. OSE
Owatta!
KIDS
Beikoku!
MR. OSE
Owatta!
KIDS
Beikoku!
MR. OSE
Owatta!
KIDS
Beikoku! Nihon en ima hajimaru!
MR. OSE
Owatta!
SHARON
Stan?
KIDS
Beikoku!
SHARON
Stan, it's Mommy!
MR. OSE
Owatta!
KIDS
Beikoku!
MR. OSE
Owatta!
SHARON
Stanley,-
KIDS
Beikoku!
SHARON
-you need to come home right now.
MR. OSE
Owatta!
KIDS
Beikoku!
SHARON
Mommy misses you.
MR. OSE
Owatta!
KIDS
Beikoku!
SHARON
Stanley, I'm talking to you!
MR. OSE
Owatta!
KIDS
Beikoku! Ooh?
SHARON
Stan, please, come home!
STAN
Kore wa watashi no uchi desu.
KIDS
So desu nee.
MR. OSE
Ooh? Do not worry. Everything isa okay.
SHARON
No it's not okay!
MR. OSE
Oh, but-a you have-a such large penis-uh.
SHARON
What?
MR. OSE
Your penis, WOW! O-oh.
PRESIDENT HIROHITO
What he means is that all men in this
town have very large penis.
SHARON
Can't you see what's happening?! They're
just using that talk to distract you!
He doesn't really have a small penis!
PRESIDENT HIROHITO
Misenasai!
SHARON
Oh!
MR. OSE
Owatta!
KIDS
Beikoku!
MR. OSE
Owatta!
KIDS
Beikoku!
KYLE'S FATHER
Oh God, is there nothing we can do?
SHARON
Wait a minute. Wait a minute, I think
I know the answer! I know how to get
our kids to stop liking Chinpokomon!
KYLE'S MOTHER
How?
SHARON
Come on! We don't have much time!
[Washington, DC, the White House.]
REPORTER
And now, for a special annoucement from
the President of the United States.
PRESIDETN CLINTON
My fellow Americans, I wish to address
the concerns many of us have over the
growing number of Japanese military
bases forming in the United States.
The new Japanese emperor, Hirohito,
has made our own children into fighter
pilots who will soon fly to Hawaii and
attack Pearl Harbor. I spoke with Mr.
Hirohito this morning, and he assured
me that I have a very large penis. He
said it was mammoth, dinosauric, and
absolutely dwarfed his penis, which,
he assured me, was nearly microscopic
in size. My penis, he said, was most
likely one of the biggest on the planet.
I applaud Mr. Hirohito in his honesty.
Thank you.
[A Japanese military base. Eighteen planes and 39 troops are
seen. The kids stand at attention. Kyle is missing]
MR. OSE
Your plane will fly autopilot to Pearl
Harbor! When you arrive you will drop
many bombs!
KIDS
Hai, sachoo-san
STAN
Nan da kore?
RANDY
Chinpoko ga dai-suki yoo!
STAN
What?
RANDY
Uh we just came to support you. We love
Chinpokomon, too. It's super toy, number
1!
STAN
You like it?
MR. GARRISON
You bet. I think Chinpokoman is chinpokorrific.
I got Shoe.
LIANE
Come on, Eric. Let's try to battle your
Roostor with my Donkeytron.
CARTMAN
Uh... no, that's okay, Mom.
PRESIDENT HIROHITO
Whar are they doing?!
MR. OSE
It's a trick!
RANDY
Hey, Stan, look at my new bumper sticker.
Isn't that cool?
STAN
No. Screw this, dude.
CARTMAN
Where are you going, Stan?
STAN
Huh, I don't know. Chinpokomon just
doesn't seem that cool anymore. I'm
gonna go kill some ants or something.
CARTMAN
Wait for me, I wanna get out of these
stupid clothes.
OTHER KIDS
Yeah. Me too! Me too.
PRESIDENT HIROHITO
Ooooh!
RANDY
Well, you were right, Sharon. The best
way to make our kids not like something
is to like it ourselves.
SHARON
That's right. Anything we like is instantly
not cool. We know how to take them
out, Mr. Garrison! Spread the word!
Get on the wire to every parent around
the country and tell them how to bring
those sons of bitches down!
STAN
Hey, Mom, I'm sorry I went a little
nutty with that Chinpokomon stuff. Can
I have $5 to buy a football?
SHARON
You bet, Stanley!
KYLE
Owatta Beikoku!
KYLE'S MOTHER
Kyle, it's over!
KYLE
But I'm gonna be Royal Crown Chinpokomon
Master!
STAN
Dude, Chinpokomon isn't cool anymore.
KYLE
What?
CARTMAN
Yeah, dude, that's way over.
KYLE
Dude, you're just jealous because I'm
Chinpoko Master!
STAN
No, Kyle. You see, we learned something
today. This whole Chinpokomon thing
happened because we all followed the
group. We only liked Chinpokomon because
everyone else did. And look at the damage
it caused.
KYLE
So now I should stop liking Chinpokoman
because you all don't?
STAN
...Ye-eah.
KYLE
But if I stop now, I'll just be going
with the group again. So, to be an individual,
I have to bomb Pearl Harbor. See ya.
STAN
Oh. Wait. Actually, I was wrong. You
see, Kyle, I learned something, just
now. It is good to go with the group.
A group mentality is healthy, sometimes.
KYLE
Aw, screw it; I'm too confused.
RANDY
Well, I'm sure glad this is all over.
CARTMAN
Hey, get offa him! He's not dead yet!
[The bus stop, next day. The four boys are waiting. The rats
return and crawl all over Kenny]
CARTMAN
Nnno! Get off, you stupid rats! He's
not dead yet!
RANDY
Hey, you guys wanna go to the toy store
after school and get some Spaceman Greg
cards?
KYLE
Naw, I think I'm through with fads for
a while.
CARTMAN
Me, too. I'm choosing my own toys from
now on, 'cause-
STAN
What the-?
CARTMAN
Ooooh-ho-ho-ho, gro-hoss!
[End of Chinpoko Mon]
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