"SOUTH PARK"
Episode 414
"GREAT EXPECTATIONS"
Written by
Trey Parker
[The camera pans across a nicely appointed study, rests a bit,
and "SOUTH PARK classics" appears on screen as a classical piece
plays]
A BRITISH PERSON
Aaah. Dickens. The imagery of cobblestone
streets, cragging London buildings,
and nutmeg-filled Yorkshire puddings.
Hello, I'm a British person. For years
now, the character Pip has been featured
prominently in the American show, South
Park. However, many Americans don't
realize where Pip came from. He's the
prowling little adorable Englishman
from Charles Dickens' timeless classic,
"Great Expectations" And so tonight,
the makers of South Park have agreed
to take a break from their regular show,
and instead present the prestigious
Dickens tale in its entirety from beginning
to end. Indeed, after watching this
show, you'll know the timeless classic
as if you'd... read the Cliff Notes themselves.
Our story is set in England, in the
small town of Drop-A-Chair-Upon-Top-Snot,
where a young blond-haired boy named
Pip was on his way to see his parents.
[Drop-A-Chair-Upon-Top-Snot, day. Pip leaves the town, crosses
an open field, enters an enclosed lot and stops right in front
of the camera]
PIP
'Ello Mom. 'Ello Dad. It certainly
is nice to see you again. Don't worry.
Sister is still taking very good care
of me. She just loves to smack me in
the face and tell me I'm worthless.
O, we have such fun together. But it's
getting dark, Mom and Dad. I'll see
you again soon. Wa-a-ah!
EX-CONVICT
Wha' are you doin' 'ere, you little
whippersham!
PIP
Oh, hello. Why, you look like an escaped
convict. Did we breaky-wakys out of
prison? Oh dear! But you're shackled.
Here, let me help you.
EX-CONVICT
Wha' are you doin' wit' those?
PIP
I'm an apprentice blacksmith. There
you are. And here's a sandwich. You
must be starving!
EX-CONVICT
Here. W-why are you easy to help me?
PIP
Well, it's not for me to judge you,
sir. We are all the same. Don't quite
outmart this thing, I'm afraid.
MRS. JOE
Pip, where 'ave you been?!
PIP
Waaah! Lovely day, isn't it?
MRS. JOE
What the hell's lovely about it?! Joe,
teach this boy some bloody cynicsim!
JOE
I don't know about that. I just thought
I'd keep to me blacksmithing. Ey, look!
I've made me a metal fire poker.
MRS. JOE
A lot of bloody good a fire poker's
gonna do while I'm starvin' to death!
Why don't you make us some bloody food
to eat!
JOE
Alright. Look 'ere, I made me a metal
orange.
MRS. JOE
STOP your metal orange, you bastard!
You never want a tablespoon of nigh'ingale
droppin's, you me'al-poundin' fairy!
And you! Why don't you ge' a job?!
You're eight years old now!
JOE
Oh, lookie heeah! I've gone and made
a metal newspaper!
MRS. JOE
Shut up, you silly lip! What are we
supposed to do with a metal newspaper?
JOE
Well, for starters we can look in the
want ads and see if we can find Pip
a job. Ohhh, lookie here! Young man
wanted for paid position!
MRS. JOE
Where?
PIP
Where?
MRS. JOE
"Havesham residence seeks young boy
to play with lonely daughter. Will pay
up to..." TWENTY QUID A DAY??
PIP
That's a lot of money-loney.
JOE
You can keep a little girl company for
20 quid a day, Pip. And Old Mrs. Havesham
is the wealthiest woman in the town.
[The Havesham Residence is shown from the gates, next day.]
[The South Park Classics study. The British is seated in an armchair
reading a book]
A BRITISH PERSON
Well, the very next day, Pip went to
Old Ms. Havesham's house to inquire
about the job. and it was there that
he met the girl of his dreams.
[A girl approached the gate at the Havesham Residence. She's
got flowing blonde hair and a bowler for a hat]
GIRL
Who are you?!
PIP
...I've come to answer the want ad.
GIRL
Is that so, you smelly little bastard?!
PIP
What??
GIRL
This way, you pathetic squirt of vaginal
discharge! This way, you beef-witted
shriveled-up monkey's penis. Up here,
you gamy mass of baby vomit! In here.
PIP
Eho. After you, miss.
GIRL
I'm not going in there, you stupid puddle
of a homeless man urine!
[The Havesham Estate, upstairs. Pip enters a grand dining room
in which everything is covered, and has been for a long time.
He scans the room until a voice gets his attention.]
MS. HAVESHAM
Who is that?
PIP
I've come to answer the want ad, ma'am.
MS. HAVESHAM
Come closer. Look at me. Does it frighten
you to look upon a woman who has not
seen the sun in over 20 years?
PIP
Oh, no, no! You you sort of look upon
one when you have not seen the sun for
over 20 years quite a lot these... days.
MS. HAVESHAM
I sometimes have sick fancies. And
I have a fancy I should like to see
someone play. So, play. Play.
PIP
Um.
MS. HAVESHAM
Estella, play with this boy.
ESTELLA
With HIM? But he's just a commoner!
MS. HAVESHAM
But, you can break his heart.
ESTELLA
...Alright, boy, let us play.
PIP
Righty-o. What are we going to play?
ESTELLA
We're going to play a little game called,
"Smack the Blond Boy In the Head With
a Large Log."
PIP
Oh, yes! My sister and I play that
game at home all the time! Who will
go first?
ESTELLA
Oh, you stupid pathetic boy!
MS. HAVESHAM
What do you think of her?
PIP
Well, uh... I think she's very pretty.
MS. HAVESHAM
Hm-m-m. What else?
PIP
I think she's rather insulting.
MS. HAVESHAM
Hm, you quite fancy her, don't you?
Come back again next week. We shall
"play" some more.
[The blacksmith's house, night. Pip returns to his sister's place
and gets ready to bed for the night. He falls asleep]
A BRITISH PERSON
That night, Pip spent all his sleeping
hours unable to get Estella's beautiful
face out of his mind.
DREAM ESTELLA
Stop dreaming about me, you slow-witted
rectal belch!
A BRITISH PERSON
Day after day Pip visited Estella. Sometimes
they would play, sometimes they would
talk. But every single day Pip's love
for Estella grew.
[The Havesham Estate, garden, day. Estella is whacking Pip over
the head with her log. Twice she does it, then tries a third
time, but can't]
PIP
Don't you wanna play anymore?
ESTELLA
Boy, do you still think I'm pretty?
PIP
Oho. Well, yes, miss.
ESTELLA
And, do you still think I'm insulting?
PIP
Oh, um, not so much as before. Ow!
ESTELLA
I hate you! You're an oozing, painful
hemorrhoid that belches pus!
PIP
Oh, dear.
ESTELLA
You may kiss me if you like. Come.
Let us walk in the daisy garden.
A BOY
Oh, what fun it is to splash about in
the fountain! You there, the prowling
little boy! I bet you can't jump on
my back! Go on, then. Try and jump
on my back!
PIP
Who is that?
ESTELLA
Just another playmate hired to amuse
me. You didn't think you were the only
one, did you?
PIP
Oh I... rather thought I was.
ESTELLA
Oh, you silly small-testicled boy. Come,
let us walk through the rose garden.
[The Havesham Estate, exterior. The camera looks at the second
floor, focusing on Ms. Havesham]
MS. HAVESHAM
Yes, good. She will break his pathetic
heart into a million pieces.
[The South Park Classics study. The British Person resumes narrating]
A BRITISH PERSON
Well, what a spot poor Pip was in. He
was hired to be the friend of the very
harsh and beautiful Estella. And although
she treated him like dirt, or perhaps
because she treated him like dirt, Pip
found himself more in love with the
little girl each and every day. Oh,
bless him! Isn't he lovely?? But, isn't
it sad? Because Pip knew that someone
as sophisticated and as wealthy as Estella
could never love him, for he was just
a simple blacksmith's apprentice.
[The blacksmith's house, night. Joe is working on another creation.
Pip watches]
JOE
And so you bang on this side, and bang
on that side, and there you have it.
Your very own metal fuzzy dice.
PIP
Yes. I see. Hoh, lovely.
JOE
Eeyyyy, what's all this, Pip?
PIP
Joe, do you know anything about girls?
JOE
Sure! They're those things with vaginas
in them.
PIP
But, do you anything about them? About
how they work.
JOE
Oh, I don't know about that. I just
like to keep to me blacksmithin'.
PIP
Do you think that a girl who is rich
and educated would ever want to be with
a blacksmith?
JOE
Oh. D'ooooh. No, I don't think so, Pip.
Who could that be?
LAWYER
Joe, the blacksmith?
JOE
The same.
LAWYER
I'm a lawyer from London in search of
a young lad named Pip.
PIP
I'm Pip, sir.
LAWYER
Mr. Blacksmith, I've been sent here
to offer you a reasonable sum of money
in exchange for your apprentice.
JOE
Oh, well, uh Pip's not for sale, sir.
LAWYER
I have a client who wishes to give this
bright child a future. Anything he desires.
Do you still object?
JOE
Heaven forbid I should stand in the
way of Pip's future, but-
LAWYER
He will one day inherit a handsome property.
But the owner of that property wants
him first to travel to London and learn
to be a gentleman.
JOE
That's great news!
LAWYER
There's only one condition, Pip. Your
benefactor wishes to remain anonymous
PIP
Oho. But it must be Ms. Havesham!
LAWYER
OH OH! If you have any suspicion of
who that person might be, you are to
keep it in your own breast. Understood?
PIP
Yes sir.
LAWYER
Then you will go to London in a week's
time. Here's 20 sterling. Well, blacksmith,
you look stunned.
JOE
I am, sir.
LAWYER
Then I should take my leave. Good evening,
gentlemen, and we shall see you in London
next week, Pip.
PIP
Good-bye, sir.
JOE
Pip! A young gentleman! Of great expectations!
[London, a foggy night. Big Ben peals in the background. The
camera pans down from the skyline to a horse-drawn carriage,
which comes to a stop. Pip and the lawyer get out]
LAWYER
You shall stay here with your roommate,
Mr. Pocket. He is a distinguished young
lad who will help you on your way to
being a gentleman. I trust you see no
problem with this?
PIP
None, sir.
LAWYER
I should think not. On up, then, and
prepare for school on the morrow.
PIP
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
[The Dormitory. Pip walks down the hall and finds a door with
his name under that of Mr. Pocket. He is about to knock when
a boy opens the door]
A BOY
Mr. Pip?
PIP
Mr. Pocket?
POCKET
Pray, come in!
PIP
Thank you kindly. You do look rather
familiar
POCKET
As do you. Perhaps we've seen each other
before. As to our lodging, it's not
by any means splendid. This is our sitting
room - just chairs and tables and carpet
and so forth. This is my little room
- rather musty, and this is your bedroom.
PIP
My, how lovely.
POCKET
Oh, what a gay time we shall have, and
I do mean gay as in festive, not as
in penetration of the bum. Oh, but dear
me! I beg your pardon! You're holding
your bags all this time! Pray, let me
take them! I'm quite ashamed!
PIP
Oh it's... quite alright. Lord bless
me! Why, you're the pale young man I
saw at Ms. Havesham's house!
POCKET
Why, yes of course! You're the prowling
little boy! Boy, what a smashing coincidence!
PIP
Perhaps, but perhaps not. Ms. Havesham
is very generous indeed.
POCKET
That old biddy? Oh, I assure you, I
have nothing to do with her anymore.
She's absolutely mad!
PIP
Well, what do you mean?
POCKET
Well, don't you know about Ms. Havesham's
melancholy past? Dear me, it's quite
a story, and should be discussed over
dinner. Come! Right, time for a smashing
meal and the story of Ms. Havesham.
PIP
Pocket, may I ask you a favor? I am
desperately trying to become a gentleman!
For the love of a certain girl. So,
will you please tell me if I do something
wrong at the table?
POCKET
You'll do fine, dear fellow, just fine.
Now on to Ms. Havesham: She was raised
by a wealthy father and grew up to be
a somewhat of a spoiled brat. And now
I might mention, Pip, that in London
it is not the custom to put the knife
in the mouth.
PIP
Hoh, dear, I'm terribly sorry!
POCKET
Not at all, I'm sure. Anyway, Ms.
Havesham grew up to be a lovely young
lady, and soon a man came along, which
gets me to the cruel part of the story,
merely breaking off, Pip , to remark
that a dinner napkin should never be
placed into the tumbler.
PIP
Sorry! Sorry!
POCKET
Not at all, I'm sure. So this man
pursued Ms. Havesham closely and professed
to be devoted to her. She passionately
loved him back. The marriage day was
fixed, the wedding dress was bought,
the wedding guests were all invited,
and finally the day came. But not the
groom. And I break from the tale now
only to mention that one should never
pass gas at the dinner table!
PIP
Oh. Excuse me.
POCKET
Not at all, I'm sure. So the groom never
showed. He simply wrote a letter, a
letter that Ms. Havesham received 20
minutes before the wedding.
PIP
At half nine, the time when she stopped
all the clocks in the house.
POCKET
But afterward she laid waste to the
entire house, as you have seen it, and
has never since looked upon the light
of day. And the story ends, Pip, with
me suggesting that one should never
pull out the wee wee and check it for
scabs whilst at the table.
PIP
Terribly sorry, Pocket,
POCKET
Not at all, I'm sure!
[The South Park Classics study. The British Person resumes narrating]
A BRITISH PERSON
And so Pip spent the next several months
learning how to be a gentleman. He was
schooled in several languages. He was
taught fencing and marksmanship, and
he was shown how to dance and eat box.
And after it all, after WEEKS and weeks
of intense schooling, Pip was finally
a full-fledged gentleman. Proud of himself,
Pip decided to pay Ms. Havesham a visit,
to thank her for her generosity, and
to see if he was indeed, now, good enough
for Estella.
[The Havesham Estate, exterior, then interior, at the dining
room.]
PIP
Good evening, Ms. Havesham.
MS. HAVESHAM
Come closer, Pip. My, you're quite
the gentleman now, aren't you?
PIP
Thanks to you.
MS. HAVESHAM
Perhaps. Estella's been off to school
as well. She's become quite the lady.
Would you like to see a picture of her?
PIP
Oh, my! She is even prettier than before.
MS. HAVESHAM
Ohoh, you love her, don't you, Pip?
PIP
I don't know. I mean, I think about
her every day.
MS. HAVESHAM
Do you know what love is, Pip? It is
blind devotion, unquestioning self-humiliation,
utter submission, trust and belief against
yourself and against the whole world,
giving up your whole heart and soul
to snip it.
PIP
Righto.
MS. HAVESHAM
Love her, Pip. I developed her into
what she is so that she might... be loved.
PIP
Yes, but... where will I find her?
MS. HAVESHAM
There's a dance at the Palace tomorrow
night. Estella will be there. Go and
seek her out. And love her. Love her!
PIP
Thank you, Ms. Havesham! For everything!
I'm the happiest boy in the land!
MS. HAVESHAM
And if she warms to you, love her; she
tears your heart into pieces. And as
you get older it will tear deeper.
Lover her.
[The South Park Classics study. The British Person resumes narrating]
A BRITISH PERSON
Yes. Our young Pip had come a long way.
From the apprentice of a blacksmith
to a fine young gentleman of great expectations.
And now he was to finally see his beloved
Estella again at a Grand Ball held by
the King of England, Tony Blair. It
was here that Pip would finally and
formally ask Estella to be his girlfriend.
And all would be right with the world.
[The Grand Ballroom at the Palace, evening. Tony Blair and wife
descend the Grand Staircase as dozens of couples dance before
them. The camera then pans across the scene and stops on Estella.
Pip comes in from the side]
PIP
Hello, Estella.
ESTELLA
Pip. My goodness, how you've changed!
PIP
Yes. I've become a gentleman. May I?
ESTELLA
I suppose. So how is it that you've
learned to dress and dance?
PIP
Well, I was sent to be schooled in London.
ESTELLA
Iiii see, and you no longer live with
the blacksmith?
PIP
Oh. I see Joe once in a while. But I
don't have much in common with him anymore,
now that I'm a gentleman and all.
ESTELLA
Naturally.
PIP
It is wonderful to see you again, Estella.
ESTELLA
Is it? Why?
PIP
Because I believe I'm in love with you.
ESTELLA
Pip, you must know that I have no heart.
PIP
I think you do.
ESTELLA
Oh, I have a heart to be shot or stabbed
in, no doubt, and if it cease to beat
I should cease to be, but you know
what I mean. I have no softness there,
no sympathy, sentiment.
PIP
I see past that, Estella. I see a little
girl who wants to be warm and kind.
OLDER BOY
Hey, Estella, let's get out of here.
ESTELLA
Alright, Steve. Just one moment.
PIP
Who...? Who is that?
ESTELLA
That is Steve. He is seventeen and has
a car.
PIP
I see, and you... fancy this Steve fellow?
ESTELLA
I should. He's my boyfriend.
PIP
Boyfriend??
ESTELLA
What's the matter, Pip?!
PIP
I don't understand! I did everything
right! I stopped being a poor commoner!
I even blew off my lovin' Joe!
ESTELLA
It's... it's... the way it goes sometimes,
Pip. He's... seventeen and has a car.
I'm... I'm... very I'm leaving.
[The Havesham Estate, outside, a stormy night. Pip reaches the
Havesham estate and enters the front gates. He heads into the
house, up the spiral staircase, and into the dining room.]
PIP
Ms. Havesham! You have to talk to Estella!
She's going out with a-
MS. HAVESHAM
Well well well, if it isn't Mr. Pip.
PIP
Ms. Havesham! But um...
MS. HAVESHAM
Don't they make a handsome couple, Pip?
Look at the way he holds her hand.
PIP
But I don't understand. You sent me
away to become a gentleman so that I
could be with Estalla.
MS. HAVESHAM
Things aren't always as they seem, Pip.
Oh, what's the matter? Did she... break
your heart?
PIP
...Well, I suppose that if you set out
to break my heart, you did a very good
job of it. Because it certainly does
hurt.
MS. HAVESHAM
Yes. Tell me about the pain. Tell me
about the crushing and the prickly things.
PIP
It's... a-as if... sssomeone has a hold
of my heart and isss squeezing it very
tightly.
MS. HAVESHAM
Yes, and it is somewhat difficult to
breathe.
STEVE
Hey, wait a second. You mean that this
whole thing was just a setup by your
mom?
MS. HAVESHAM
Is your heart broken as well? Tell
me all about it.
PIP
But why do you make your daughter hurt
people?
MS. HAVESHAM
Wuh-hy? Well, that's simple. Because
I need the tears of broken-hearted men
to use in my Genesis device. You see,
my foolish child, I'm growing very old.
But tonight I will fuse my soul into
Estella's once and for all. And then
I can go on breaking men's hearts for
another generation.
STEVE
What the hell??
MS. HAVESHAM
Estella, prepare yourself for the Genesis
platform.
STEVE
Oh no, you don't! You're my girl! And
I'm not lettin' you walk out on me!
What the?!
MS. HAVESHAM
And as for you, Pip, my robot monkeys
should take care of you!
[The blacksmith's house, day. A shadow appears at Pip's door
and falls on him. He awakens and looks at the source of the shadow]
JOE
Pip? Pip, old chap?
PIP
Joe?
JOE
That's right. You're safe and warm now.
POCKET
Joe found you lying face down in the
street, Mr. Pip, You were in such a
state. You've been unconscious here
for nearly three hours.
PIP
Ms Havesham! She has all the men who
have had their hearts broken by Estella
trapped in her house! Oh, why would
she have wasted all that time sending
me to school and making me into a gentleman?
JOE
Well, about that, Pip: There's another
person who wants to see you.
EX-CONVICT
Allo, Pip. You remember me?
EX-CONVICT
I'll rip off your arms and shove 'em
up your arse!
PIP
Why, you're the escaped convict I helped
a long time ago.
EX-CONVICT
Yes. After you helped me I moved to
Wales and made somethin' o' myself.
If it weren't for you, I'd have never
become a millionaire.
JOE
'E's the one that sent you to London,
Pip! 'E's the one who sent you off to
be a gentleman!
PIP
You? But why?
EX-CONVICT
Because back then you treated me like
any other person. You're weren't a snob
and you helped me as you would a rich
man.
PIP
Oh, dear. All this time I thought it
was Ms. Havesham. She totally let me
believe it.
POCKET
I tried to tell you, Pip. She's a vengeful,
spiteful woman.who wanted nothing more
than to see you hurt along with the
rest of the male sex.
PIP
Well, I've certainly learned a lot.
That being a gentleman doesn't mean
learning to dance, or proper table manners.
It means being a gentle man. Gentle
to everyone.
POCKET
Righto. Pip. Righto.
PIP
And now I suppose there's only one thing
left to do.
JOE
What's that, Pip.
PIP
If Ms. Havesham is determined to do
this to others, let's go KICK HER ARSE!
JOE
Yeah!
[The South Park Classics study. The British Person resumes narrating]
A BRITISH PERSON
And now we come to the final act of
the Dickens classic tale, inwhich the
stage is set for an epic showdown. Ms.
Havesham's robot monkeys prove a formidable
foe, but Pip is not about to let Estella's
soul be forever consumed by the Genesis
device. And now the thrilling conclusion
of Great Expectations!
[The Havesham Estate, outside, a stormy night. In the dining
room Ms. Havesham prepares Estella for the Genesis device]
MS. HAVESHAM
Are you ready, Estella? Are you ready
to complete the cycle?
ESTELLA
Yes, Mother.
PIP
Not so fast, you ugly ancient bitch.
ESTELLA
Pip?
JOE
Your manhating days are over, Ms. Havesham!
MS. HAVESHAM
Quite the contrary, blacksmith. My revenge
on the male race is only about to begin.
POCKET
Dear God, Pip, look!
STEVE
Estella, help me! I'm your boyfriend!
BOY
So am I.
MAN
And me.
MAN IN MIDDLE
We were all Estella's boyfriends at
one time or another. Now we're doomed.
MS. HAVESHAM
Yes. Cry away, males. Once your tears
have collected into the Genesis device,
the fusion of Estella and me will be
complete.
PIP
You won't get away with this!
MS. HAVESHAM
Won't I? Let the transformation begin.
JOE
Pip, she started the device!
PIP
Pocket! Get over there, and do whatever
it takes to keep those blokes from crying!
POCKET
Righto, Pip.
MS. HAVESHAM
It begins.
PIP
Come, Estella! You can't want to be
part of this.
ESTELLA
It is... what I was raised for.
ROBOT MONEKY
AAAAAAA!!!
POCKET
Hello, gentlemen. Oh, whatever you do,
please do not cry. Havesham's device
fuels itself on your tears, I'm afraid.
MAN
How are we not to cry. Our hearts have
been broken, our lives ruined, and now
we are set to die!
POCKET
Yes, but just thnk about... panda bears!
Oh, they're so cuddly and sweet, panda
bears are. What silly little noses
they have!
MAN
Panda bears make me sad. They're almost
extinct.
POCKET
Oh, right, right, let's not think about
panda bears, then. Let's think about
...swimming! Oh, what jolly fun swimming
is, with a splishy-splash and a hold-your-breath
dive.
MS. HAVESHAM
...Yes...
EX-CONVICT
Get out of that chair, you old cow!
PIP
Estella! Listen to me! You are a wonderful
girl, with a kind heart.
ESTELLA
I told you, Pip. I have no heart
PIP
But you do! And I shall prove it to
you once and for all! Look at this
adorable little bunny.
ESTELLA
Oh my. 'E's very cute.
PIP
You see that? A heartless person wouldn't
care at all about this bunny. They'd
just as soon break its neck. ...Oh. But
look at this bunny. There. You see
that? You have too big a heart to kill
two baby bunnies. ...Right.
POCKET
Oh what fun it is to collect stamps!
Lick the backs, put them into books
all neat and tidy with those smashing
little pictures and bright colors.
MAN
My father died in a stamp-collecting
accident.
POCKET
Right, let's not talk about stamp-collecting,
then. Let's talk about...
MAN IN MIDDLE
Ice-skating!
POCKET
Oh what fun ice-skating is! Who can
catch me? Who can catch the ice-skating
king? That's me.
JOE
Oy can't figh' 'em off no moh!
PIP
Nine. Nine baby bunnies. A person with
a heart could never kill nine baby bunnies.
So you do have too big a heart to-
Ten baby bunnies!
JOE
...There's too many of them!
POCKET
Please, sirs, you must not cry!
MAN
We can't help it! You're bawlin' us
to tears!
POCKET
Philip, it's too late!!
PIP
Twenty-six baby bunnies
ESTELLA
I don't want to. I don't see the point
in this.
PIP
What?
ESTELLA
I don't want to kill any more of them.
PIP
There! You see?! You do have a heart!
ESTELLA
You think so? Let me see it Maybe I
can kill it.
PIP
No no, I'm sure of it. You have a heart!
You've bought your own life! Come with
me now!
MS. HAVESHAM
Yessss! Noooo!
POCKET
Ooooo, top smart, Pip!
JOE
You did it, Pip!
[The Havesham Estate, outside, a stormy night. Joe, Pip, Pocket,
the nine males, and Estella leave the house as flames spread
from the dining room to other rooms and onto the yard. The party
moves towards the gate, then turns back to watch the burning
house]
JOE
Well, I guess Old Ms. Havesham won't
be takin' any revenge on any more blokes,
ey?
ESTELLA
Yes. her poor miserable life is finally
over.
PIP
You're released from her now, Estella!
Now we can begin our life together!
ESTELLA
Yes! Yes, my small-testicled love!
POCKET
Oh, I'm so glad everything has worked
out. Where are all my little bunnies
that you borrowed then, Pip?
[The South Park Classics study. The British Person finishes narrating]
A BRITISH PERSON
And they all lived happily ever after.
Except for Pocket, who died of hepatitis
B. So ends Charles Dickens' Great Expectaton.We
hope you now have a deeper appreciation
for Pip, and indeed, all masterpieces
of literature like this one. Until
next time, I'm a British person. Good
night.
THE END
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