"HERE COMES THE NEIGHBORHOOD"
[South Park Elementary, day. Butters stands in front of the class
witha small volcano - his science experiment.]
...And so, just like in nature, ah I
can add the mixture into the volcano
O Pele! God of Fire! Show us you uh-
[the belching volcano draws his attention as it coughs up the
"lava"] Aw, it's all uh g-gooey.
Okay, good job, Butters. You get a check.
Ah, thank you, Ms. Choksondik! I got
a check. That's like a C!
Okay. Whose project should we look at
next? How aboouuut Eric? Eric Cartman?
Stand by, please.
Shutup, Jew! Yes, well. For my project,
I made a pencil, taped to a pen. In
this way we see the duality of writing
devices that occur in nature.
You just put that thing together just
now! I'm giving you a check minus.
Oh GOD-DAMNIT I HATE CHECK-MINUS!
I'll make you eat your parents!
What did you say?!
Alright, Token, you're next.
Using my laptop computer, I hooked into
the Internet and found a meteorology
Web site. I donwloaded the data, and
with my dad's video projector, I can
show you the graph I made of predictable
weather patterns over the next three
I also printed out the results on my
color printer. Here you are, Ms. Choksondik.
Very very good, Token. You get a check
Aw, that is such bullcrap!
Eric, for the love of God.
No! No, see, this is the fundamental
flaw with the check check-plus check-minus
system! The only reason Token was able
to do all that is because his family
My family isn't rich.
Oh, come on, Token! Your new house is
four times the size of anyone else's
in town! And who else gets crab cakes
and, and lobster tail in their lunch
Your family is rich, dude.
Let's just see where Token's clothes
come from, shall we? Ooooo, Armani
All the rest of us have to buy our clothes
at J mart! Have you even been inside
a J mart, Token?! I didn't think so!
Yeah, dude, your family is so rich they
have their own pool table.
Yeah. And their own sprinkler system.
You don't think you're rich?
[Token's house, after school. His parents are at the sofa. His
father reads a newspaper; his mother, a book. Token walks in]
Hello Token. How was school today?
Mom? Dad? Why do we have a bigger house
than everybody else in South Park?
Well, because we have more money, son.
I know. But why?
...W-well, because we went to graduate
school and therefore have more lucrative
jobs than most people in town. For instance,
your mother is a chemist for a pharmaceutical
company, whereas your friend Eric Cartman's
mother is a crack whore. One pays more
than the other.
Why, sweetie? What's the matter?
All the kids at school made fun of me
today because I'm rich.
I don't wanna be rich anymore! I wanna
eat macaroni and cheese for dinner and,
and and wear clothes from J mart!
Son, you, you don't know what you're
I just wanna be like all the other kids
in South Park. Please, Mom and Dad,
[J mart, later. A small SUV pulls into the J mart lot. Token
takes his first look at J mart. He is awed by it and pleased
at the chance to shop there.]
You... sure you want to do this, son?
Where's the... valet?
He must be parkiing someone else's car.
Ah, here we go. Take good care of it,
please. Here's twenty dollars. Hoh?
They've activated some kind of alien
That's not a blinding device, Dad. It's
Excuse me, where can where would we
find young men's fashion apparel?
Aisle 6, next to the pretzels.
Next to the-?!
Come on! Hey look: there pants are
only five bucks apiece. They must really
suck. What do ya think?
What, what brand are they?
It doesn't matter, Mom. They're poor
Hey, uh, Sharon? Isn't that the Williamses?
Huh? Oh. Yeah, it is. What are they
doing here? They can afford to shop
at Cherry Creek.
Do you see that, Sheila? The Williamses
are shopping here.
I don't get it. He must pull in at least
two hundred thousand a year.
S-son, can you just hurry it up? I don't
think we quite fit n here.
Oh, looks like you landed on Park Avenue,
Stan. You own me ten million dollars.
Hey you guys.
Oh hey, dude. Did you bring the movie?
Hey, you changed your clothes, Token.
Yeah, well, you know, I did a little
shopping at J mart.
Alright, well, let's just watch the
Lion King. Cartman's cheating anyway.
Here you go.
It's a DVD of the Lion King
DVD? We don't own a DVD player.
Yeah, dude. Nobody does. They're too
Not too expensive for Token's rich ass
Don't you have a VHS of it?
I only have this.
Oh, well, let me take this disk up
to the Enterprise and see if Captain
Kirk can decrypt it.
What's a VHS?
Oh, Jesus, dude.
Come on, guys. We'll jsut have to find
other stuff to do.
What's a VHS?
[Token looks at the DVD, then at the boys, then at the DVD. He
lets the DVD case fall to the floor on top of the DVD and leaves
the house. Music comes up as he leaves the Marsh house]
Why can't I be like all the other kids?
[sees Kenny and brother Kevin playing on their lawn. Kenny is
flying around getting dizzy while Kevin plays with a deflated
They all have three-bedroom homes, broken trucks on their lawns.
[hops onto a wooden box and peeks in - he sees Butters eating]
And cut-up hot dogs for lunch
It's not my fault my parents succeed so much.
[leaves the window and walks over to Stark's Pond, then sits
and pulls out a dollar coin from a small collection. The pond
has thawed, and lily pods can be seen on the water. Token tosses
the coin, and it skips across the water. He then walks on and
stops across the street from the South Park Welfare Office. Craig
and his family leave the office with their welfare check as Cartman
and mom walk in.]
There's no one in town I can relate to.
I play with autographed baseball bats
[he fades into a baseball uniform and holds a bat with Barry
Bonds' signature on it]
while everyone else just plays with sticks and pine cones
[across the street he sees a baseball game, with Kyle pitching,
Cartman catching, Stan at bat, Clyde in left field, and three
other boys. Sticks and cones are being used. Stan hits the cone.
It sails away and Stan rounds the bases]
Has a boy ever felt so alone?
[drops his bat and glove and walks away, then stops and gets
a look of determination.]
Well, who needs them anyway? I won't pretend to be something
[rushes home and goes to his desk to work on something - a 2-page
tabloid ad extolling South Park as the next Aspen]
If I can't be poor, I've got to deal with what I've got.
If I can't be like them, what I need is more rich kids around,
So I'm not the only one, and then I won't be so... down.
[he finishes, puts the ad into a sturdy envelope addressed to
Forbes Magazine Department with some bills, and goes to the window
to look at the sunset. Outside, the camera pulls back from the
Please, God, send more rich kids...
[As the camera pulls back, Token's house is shown to be big indeed,
with a three- or four-car garage set back some distance from
the street. To the right, two more houses appear, but they are
small next to the Williams house.]
[Next shot, a mansion in the Hollywood Hills. An address is shown]
17804 Beverly Estates
Hollywood Hills, CA. 90046
[the camera pulls back to show Smith reading Forbes Magazine]
Ooo, look at this, honey. A beautiful
unspoiled town in the Rockies. This
is just what we've been looking for!
JADA PINKETT SMITH
"Like Aspen was 30 years ago." Sounds
We could buy hundreds of acres of land
for next to nothing! And then I could
finally live like a cowboy.
JADA PINKETT SMITH
Oh Will, the country would be such a
nicer place to raise our kids!
How would you like to move to the Colorado
The mountains, Daddy?
Can we have horses?
O can we? Can we Daddy?
[South Park, soon after, day. A new four-story mansion rises
in a new lot. A crane positions the new fountain in a circular
driveway in front of the mansion. Token grins as he watches the
laborers work. A limosine and a moving truck pull up behind him.
Will Smith and family pour out of the limo]
Well, here it is. Our home to be.
JADA PINKETT SMITH
Oh, Will, it's beautiful.
Hi! Welcome to the neighborhood!
Why thank you, young man. We're the
Ah, a local boy. You shall be our nwe
playmate. I'm Frederick. This is my
sister Lisa, and my brother Daniel
Our daddy is a very famous actor. What
does your daddy do?
Aah, he's a lawyer. I think.
How quaint. Kids, why don't you play
with little Token while your mother
and I check out the town.
Very well. Come, local boy. Show us
how to play your mountain games.
All right! Thanks, God.
[Token's mansion, later. Token leads the Smith kids on a tour
of the mansion]
...And this is the room where my mom
and dad keep their original v-Van Gogh
Yes, yes, we have one of those, too.
In fact, we have seven of them, I believe.
You do? God, that's great!
I'm just so happy you guys moved into
town. You see, I used to be the only
rich kid. All the other families here
are kinda low to middle-income.
Why? What happened to all their money?
Well, they never really had any money.
Well, then, why don't their daddies
just act in a movie?
Well I... think that.. they...
Sometimes children must be very firm
with their daddies.
Like when Daddy doesn't want to act
in a movie because he thinks the script
So we must plead with him: "Please,
Daddy, please! It's twenty million dollard,
"Please, Daddy, please!"
"Twenty million is still twelve million
after taxes, Daddy!"
"I want a llama, Daddy!"
"I'd do the picture, Daddy!"
"Daddy, do the movie, Daddy!"
And so Daddy does the picture.
Twenty million dollars great.
[A recording studio. A rapper is laying down some tracks.]
I found a girl who had an innie and
I felt her with my jimmy
Player-haters try to do me 'cause my rhymes are just tooo-
Sorry, Snoop Dogg, but Will Smith is
on line three for you?
Oh. William! How are you buddy?
Great, Snoop Dogg, and you?
Couldn't be better. I'm just laying
down some vocals for my new album.
Great, Snoop-Snoop. Listen: Remember
how we always talked about wanting to
buy property up in the mountains so
our kids could ski and ride horses?
Oho yes, the kids bug me about it all
Well I found the place, Snooty-roo.
It's in the Rockies, but totally undiscovered,
laid-back, and beautiful.
Ogh. It sounds lovely!
You really should come give it a look.
Jada and I would love for some friends
to move here with us.
I certainly will, William. And perhaps
I'll give ol' Maigc and Kobe Bryant
a call. They've been looking for vacation
properties as well.
Great! Well, let me let you get back
to your recording.
Hah, see you soon. Bye.
Alright, let's take it from the top,
I shout "Hell Yeah!" from my vehicle. Livin' is a miracle-
[South Park, day. Another rich family moves into town. Jimbo,
Ned, and Mr. Garrison watch from across the street.]
Look, there's more of them moving into
our town. You know, Oprah Winfrey is
building a house up on Cannon, and some
Snoop Doggy Doo Doo buildin' a gigantic
place up on Main.
Yep, there goes the neighborhood.
That's the fifth family of them that's
moved here. Seems like all of a sudden
South Park is being overrun by those
Hey! W-what are you saying? What "types"?
Yiou know, those types! Rich people!
Oh. I don't take kindly to rich folk.
Neither does Ned.
I remember back in the day, RICH folk
weren't alLOWED in South Park! Now thery're
movin' here in droves!
They're gonna be sending their kids
to our schools, and mixin' them with
our pure, non-rich kids!
Oh, yeah, and it won't be long before
they drove all of us poor underachieving
people out of town with inflated real-estate
Damn, I hate those stupid richers!
Yeah. Hey, rich guy! Hey, Richie Rich!
Yeah, I'm talkin' to you, richer! What's
in the huge box, richer?! Your checkbook?
Yeah. How many rich people does it take
to screw in a light bulb? None! They
can hire people to do it for them!
Yeah. Hey, hey, you guys know why richers
have such big garages? 'Cause they need
a place for all their Porsches and boats
and aircraft carriers! Yeah, that's
right, cashchucker! Go have fun with
your two million dollar house!
I guess we showed them!
[Another house, nearby. A crane is positioning a swimming pool.
Oprah Winfrey directs the workers from the edge of the lawn]
A little to the left. That's great and-
Let's put another pool over there.
Uh huh, good.
Token, these are Oprah's newly-adopted
children, Dominique and Zizi.
DOMINIQUE AND ZIZI
Ah, and these are Puff Daddy's kids:
P Diddy Mini, P Poofy Bite-size, and
Poppa Diddy Diddy Puff Fun-size.
Wow, my plan to get rich people here
sure did work. Hey, I got a great idea!
Let's all pack some lunches and go sledding.
Oh no, we're going shopping.
Yes, come Token. We're all going to
head down to the mall and buy some of
Oh. Alright then.
[The local bar, night. It's pretty busy, with people chatting
away and enjoying their beer. Some motion is seen outside the
doors, and soon they open. Three rich men enter and scan the
bar, then move to a nearby table and sit. One of them is Kobe
'Scuse me, can ew get a couple of beers
They've got nice expensive beers for
you across the street at the new Wolfgang
That's alright, we just want some cheap
...Maybe you didn't see the sign out
front: This bar is for people livin'
below their means ONLY!
This is a free country. I can have a
drink wherever I want.
Come on, Kobe, let's just go.
This ain't over! This ain't over by
a long shot!
Those richers are getting snooty. We've
got to show those richers they're not
Nn-what do you mean?
How about tonight, we sneak up to one
of their houses, and right on their
lawn we'll set fire to a big lowercase
Yeah, for "time to leave"!
Jimbo, you take some folk and build
a big wooden lowercase t! I'll take
the rest and get some gas and torches
[Kobe's mansion, night. Through a bay window he's seen reading
his newspaper in an armchair near a fireplace. A FOOM is heard
and a flicker of light is reflected on the walls outside Kobe's
house. He notices, takes a hard look, rises from his chair and
goes to the front door. He opens it, annoyed, but his expression
changes to one of fright. He sees the lowercase t burning on
Tee. T- Time to- leave?
T is for "time to leave," cashchucker!
I'm callin' the police.
I think we scared 'im.
Yeah. Next house we'll do a capital
T, to show 'em we REALLY mean business!
[South Park, new polo grounds, day. A group of rich kids gather
to begin a polo game. They all ride on ponies.]
Now Token, polo is very simple. You
simply must hit the williard into some
cilium with your fracaman.
Well, yeah, but can't we just play without
these uncomfortable uniforms?
"Can't we play without the uniforms?"
Yes, um. Lert's eat caviar without Bellini's
as well! Now come, Token, and remeber:
it doesn't matter who wins. It matters
who wins three times in a row. Tally
This is exciting.
Oh, Frederick, this is wonderful!
What in the hell are they doing?
Is that fun?
I don't know. We don't have horses,
so we can't play.
Well, let's just play our game, then.
Alright, I'll start. I'll kick you in
the nuts, Kenny!
I'll kick you in the nuts, Stan!
I'll kick you in the nuts, Cartman!
Kick his nutsack!
You see, you must pay attention, Token.
I was able to jollyrow your davishmere
with a forecastle.
This game is too confusing. How about
we have a snowball fight?
A snowball fight?
Yes, Token, if you want to play such
savage games, I suggest you go live
I don't fit in anywhere.
[South Park, another part of town. Bill Cosby and his two kids]
-ar. We're going to the zoo, and we
can eat Jerro pudding. Ah, this is
goin' to be fun kids. We're goin' to
the zoo, we could eat the Jerro pudding
and chocolate cake.
Hey! What are you doing? If you're going
to ride the bus in South Park, you're
gonna have to sit in the FRONT!
Yeah, that's where the first-class seating
Yeah. How do you like that, richer?!
Well it's very nice, actually
Yeah, I'll bet it is!
Very, very comfy.
Uh huh, looks like it.
[A field, a while later. Token stands there talking to someone]
Hello, my name is Token. I don't fit
in with all the kids at South Park Elementary
so, I invited a bunch of rich kids to
move to town. The problem is, I don't
fit in with them, either. That's why
I've come to live with you. So if you'll
have me and raise me as one of your
own, I promise to be the best lion I
could be. Uuuh, yeah.
[Chef's house, day. Chef is seen shoveling snow off his driveway]
Shovel that snow, babih, it's all nice,
heavy and wet. Just-
You there, come march with us!
All the poor people in town think they
can persecute and harass us decent rich
So we're uniting and marching on the
The Million Millionaire March!
Come on, brother!
But... I'm not rich.
I'm just a school cafeteria chef. Ahah
I don't make much money.
We'll give you a hundred dollars.
Woo, fudge the snow now.
I shall perservere. We shall perservere.
[The lions' lair at the zoo, later. Token takes a raw steak and
bites into it, growling]
Look at the little black lion, Mommy.
He's cute, isn't he?
What are you doing here, boy?
You- you talked. I, I understood you.
I must be becoming a lion!
You're not becoming a lion. The only
way you can do that is to see Aslan.
Very well, walk this way.
Is this the boy who's been living in
Are... you... Aslan?
Well, I'm Token
So, you want to live with the lions,
Yes. Um. Great Aslan. I don't fit in
And what makes you think you can fit
it with us?
Well, I don't know.
Do you like jokes?
Jokes! You know, funny, hahaaa. Us lions
...I like jokes a lot.
Mmm. Then there may be hoipe in you
yet, young apprentice lion. Very well.
We wihill let you stay, if... you can
pull this thorn from my paw. Go on,
try it. Pull my thorn! Come on! Pull
my thorm! Ho ho ho ho ho ho! Ho ho!
So can I stay?
He-you may. But being a lion may be
harder than you think.
[The local bar, later. The bar patrons watch a TV as a report
is heard. Seen are Mr. Garrison, Randy, Stuart, Skeeter, Gerald,
Jimbo, and Ned.]
A billion billionaires are gathering
their ranks and will be marchng on the
town square tonight in South Park to
petition the end of separate bars, bus
seating and restaurants. It looks like
it will be a great turnout, as some
of the millionaires also paid several
thousand Mexicans to march for them.
If they get that petition passed, it's
I guess we learned our lesson: you can't
fight rich folk; they're just too powerful.
Now, come on! Is that any way to talk?
They won, Garrison. They can't be scared
out of town.
No! We just haven't scared them the
right way! Think about it. What scares
rich people more than anything?
Bingo! Rich people don't want to live
in South Park if they think it's HAUNTED!
Everyonen get some sheets from home!
If we can't chase the richers out, we'll
spook 'em out!
Alright! Yeah! Let's Go! Right!
[The zoo, lion's lair, night. The lions have eaten and lay about
on the boulders. One by one, they belch and the others laugh.
Token sets his bowl down...]
Yes? What is it, young lion apprentice?
...I thnk I'm gonna go home now.
Home. But I thought your friends made
fun of you at home.
They do. But, I guess I learned something
today. You see, even though kids at
South Park make fun of me, I still like
hanging around them more than snobby
rich kids or, lions. Even though I may
be different from them, I still like
my old friends best.
It sounds like you learned much, young
lion apprentice. Very well. But before
you go, perhaps you would like... a
stick of gum?
Go on. It's spearmint!
No, because there's a spring in there,
and if I pull the gum out, it's gonna
hurt my finger.
Oh. So you don't want any gum then?
Are you... sure? Go on, try it!
That is good stuhuff!
Jesus, lions suck!
[South Park town square, night, in front of the Mayor's office.
The billionaires are present, and Will Smith is at the podium]
And so it is with great determination
that us decent rich Americans have gathered
to say: "We will be separated no more!"
This certainly has been an enlightening
evening. And as Mayor, I accept your
petition and will abolish all separation
And I want to assure the nation that
is watching that South Park is not a
town of prejudice or bigotry.
Carl, do you see what I see?
Yes, Martin. I do believe this town
Kids! Go find the limo and get in!
You didn't tell me this town was hainted!
I didn't know! I.. DIDN'T... KNOHOHOHOW...
They're scared to death!
[A mansion, the same one Mr. Garrison and the men saw earlier
as they commented on the new richers moving in, night. The family
rushes towrads the front door]
Pack up your things quickly! We've got
to get out of here!
[The town, night. "Ghosts" continue to chase the millionaires
around. In the background, Stan leads a group of boys down the
street. With him are Kyle, Cartman, Butters, Pip, Tweek, Clyde,
Oh hey, there's Token.
Dude, we're gonna play football. Do
you wanna play?
You mean, you want me around?
Sure, dude, you're our friend.
Yeah, I know. But you guys always rip
on me for bein' rich.
Dude, just because we rip on you for
being rich doesn't mean we don't like
Yeah. We're guys, dude. We find something
about all our friends to rip on. We
made fun of you for being rich just
like we make fun of Butters for being
They sure do.
Yeah, like we rip on Kyle for being
That's right, huh?
And Stan for being in love with Wendy.
Yeah, I get it for that.
And Cartman for being fat
And Cartman for being stupid
And Cartman for having a whore for a
And Cartman for being a sadistic asshole
Ey, you did me already!
You're right, guys. From now on, I'm
fine with being made fun of for being
Oh, but we're not gonna rip on you for
being rich anymore.
No dude. Because since you got your
feelings so hurt for being ripped on,
now we think you're a pussy.
Yeah, so now you're a pussy. Pussaholic.
Come on, Nurse Token. We're gonna play
football, you puss.
Heh yeah, later, puss.
Ha, that guy's a pussy.
Wait! I liked being ripped on for being
[The rich enclave, later. The men of South Park have succeeded
in chasing the rich folks out of town, and they gather in front
of a mansion. They take off their sheets]
That was it. We just saw the last of
them speeding away in a van!
They were so scared, I'm sure they'll
never be back!
That's great! And now we can sell all
their homes, and become... millionaires!
But then you had us do all that for
nothin'. Don't you see: If you get rich
sellin' these homes, then there will
still be rich people in South Park.
Yeah. You'd become what you hate.
Well yeah, but at least I got rid of
all those damn ni-