"SOUTH PARK"
Episode 512
"HERE COMES THE NEIGHBORHOOD"
Written by
Trey Parker
[South Park Elementary, day. Butters stands in front of the class
witha small volcano - his science experiment.]
BUTTERS
...And so, just like in nature, ah I
can add the mixture into the volcano
and...
O Pele! God of Fire! Show us you uh-
[the belching volcano draws his attention as it coughs up the
"lava"] Aw, it's all uh g-gooey.
MS. CHOKSONDIK
Okay, good job, Butters. You get a check.
BUTTERS
Ah, thank you, Ms. Choksondik! I got
a check. That's like a C!
MS. CHOKSONDIK
Okay. Whose project should we look at
next? How aboouuut Eric? Eric Cartman?
CARTMAN
Stand by, please.
MS. CHOKSONDIK
NOW Eric!
CARTMAN
Oh, God-damnit!
KYLE
Haha
CARTMAN
Shutup, Jew! Yes, well. For my project,
I made a pencil, taped to a pen. In
this way we see the duality of writing
devices that occur in nature.
MS. CHOKSONDIK
You just put that thing together just
now! I'm giving you a check minus.
CARTMAN
Oh GOD-DAMNIT I HATE CHECK-MINUS!
MS. CHOKSONDIK
Siddown
CARTMAN
I'll make you eat your parents!
MS. CHOKSONDIK
What did you say?!
CARTMAN
Nothing!
MS. CHOKSONDIK
Alright, Token, you're next.
TOKEN
Using my laptop computer, I hooked into
the Internet and found a meteorology
Web site. I donwloaded the data, and
with my dad's video projector, I can
show you the graph I made of predictable
weather patterns over the next three
months.
CLYDE
Wwooww.
TOKEN
I also printed out the results on my
color printer. Here you are, Ms. Choksondik.
MS. CHOKSONDIK
Very very good, Token. You get a check
plus.
TOKEN
Alright!
CARTMAN
Aw, that is such bullcrap!
MS. CHOKSONDIK
Eric, for the love of God.
CARTMAN
No! No, see, this is the fundamental
flaw with the check check-plus check-minus
system! The only reason Token was able
to do all that is because his family
is rich!
TOKEN
My family isn't rich.
CARTMAN
Oh, come on, Token! Your new house is
four times the size of anyone else's
in town! And who else gets crab cakes
and, and lobster tail in their lunch
boxes?!
STAN
Your family is rich, dude.
TOKEN
But I...
CARTMAN
Let's just see where Token's clothes
come from, shall we? Ooooo, Armani
Exchange!
KYLE
Aharmani Exchange?
CARTMAN
All the rest of us have to buy our clothes
at J mart! Have you even been inside
a J mart, Token?! I didn't think so!
STAN
Yeah, dude, your family is so rich they
have their own pool table.
BUTTERS
Yeah. And their own sprinkler system.
You don't think you're rich?
[Token's house, after school. His parents are at the sofa. His
father reads a newspaper; his mother, a book. Token walks in]
LINDA
Hello Token. How was school today?
TOKEN
Mom? Dad? Why do we have a bigger house
than everybody else in South Park?
BOB
Well, because we have more money, son.
TOKEN
I know. But why?
BOB
...W-well, because we went to graduate
school and therefore have more lucrative
jobs than most people in town. For instance,
your mother is a chemist for a pharmaceutical
company, whereas your friend Eric Cartman's
mother is a crack whore. One pays more
than the other.
LINDA
Why, sweetie? What's the matter?
TOKEN
All the kids at school made fun of me
today because I'm rich.
BOB
...Oh.
TOKEN
I don't wanna be rich anymore! I wanna
eat macaroni and cheese for dinner and,
and and wear clothes from J mart!
LINDA
J mart?
BOB
Son, you, you don't know what you're
saying.
TOKEN
I just wanna be like all the other kids
in South Park. Please, Mom and Dad,
please.
[J mart, later. A small SUV pulls into the J mart lot. Token
takes his first look at J mart. He is awed by it and pleased
at the chance to shop there.]
BOB
You... sure you want to do this, son?
TOKEN
I'm sure.
LINDA
Hmmm...
BOB
Where's the... valet?
LINDA
He must be parkiing someone else's car.
BOB
Ah, here we go. Take good care of it,
please. Here's twenty dollars. Hoh?
They've activated some kind of alien
blinding device.
TOKEN
That's not a blinding device, Dad. It's
flourescent lighting.
BOB
Oh.
LINDA
Excuse me, where can where would we
find young men's fashion apparel?
OBESE WOMAN
Aisle 6, next to the pretzels.
BOB
Next to the-?!
TOKEN
Come on! Hey look: there pants are
only five bucks apiece. They must really
suck. What do ya think?
LINDA
What, what brand are they?
TOKEN
It doesn't matter, Mom. They're poor
people pants.
RANDY
Hey, uh, Sharon? Isn't that the Williamses?
SHARON
Huh? Oh. Yeah, it is. What are they
doing here? They can afford to shop
at Cherry Creek.
LIANE
Do you see that, Sheila? The Williamses
are shopping here.
KYLE'S MOTHER
I don't get it. He must pull in at least
two hundred thousand a year.
BOB
S-son, can you just hurry it up? I don't
think we quite fit n here.
CARTMAN
Oh, looks like you landed on Park Avenue,
Stan. You own me ten million dollars.
TOKEN
Hey you guys.
STAN
Oh hey, dude. Did you bring the movie?
CARTMAN
Hey, you changed your clothes, Token.
TOKEN
Yeah, well, you know, I did a little
shopping at J mart.
STAN
Alright, well, let's just watch the
Lion King. Cartman's cheating anyway.
TOKEN
Here you go.
STAN
What's that?
TOKEN
It's a DVD of the Lion King
STAN
DVD? We don't own a DVD player.
KYLE
Yeah, dude. Nobody does. They're too
expensive.
CARTMAN
Not too expensive for Token's rich ass
family, apparently.
CRAIG
Don't you have a VHS of it?
TOKEN
I only have this.
CARTMAN
Oh, well, let me take this disk up
to the Enterprise and see if Captain
Kirk can decrypt it.
TOKEN
What's a VHS?
CARTMAN
Oh, Jesus, dude.
STAN
Come on, guys. We'll jsut have to find
other stuff to do.
KYLE
What's a VHS?
[Token looks at the DVD, then at the boys, then at the DVD. He
lets the DVD case fall to the floor on top of the DVD and leaves
the house. Music comes up as he leaves the Marsh house]
TOKEN
Why can't I be like all the other kids?
[sees Kenny and brother Kevin playing on their lawn. Kenny is
flying around getting dizzy while Kevin plays with a deflated
basketball.]
They all have three-bedroom homes, broken trucks on their lawns.
[hops onto a wooden box and peeks in - he sees Butters eating]
And cut-up hot dogs for lunch
It's not my fault my parents succeed so much.
[leaves the window and walks over to Stark's Pond, then sits
and pulls out a dollar coin from a small collection. The pond
has thawed, and lily pods can be seen on the water. Token tosses
the coin, and it skips across the water. He then walks on and
stops across the street from the South Park Welfare Office. Craig
and his family leave the office with their welfare check as Cartman
and mom walk in.]
There's no one in town I can relate to.
I play with autographed baseball bats
[he fades into a baseball uniform and holds a bat with Barry
Bonds' signature on it]
while everyone else just plays with sticks and pine cones
[across the street he sees a baseball game, with Kyle pitching,
Cartman catching, Stan at bat, Clyde in left field, and three
other boys. Sticks and cones are being used. Stan hits the cone.
It sails away and Stan rounds the bases]
Has a boy ever felt so alone?
[drops his bat and glove and walks away, then stops and gets
a look of determination.]
Well, who needs them anyway? I won't pretend to be something
I'm not
[rushes home and goes to his desk to work on something - a 2-page
tabloid ad extolling South Park as the next Aspen]
If I can't be poor, I've got to deal with what I've got.
If I can't be like them, what I need is more rich kids around,
So I'm not the only one, and then I won't be so... down.
[he finishes, puts the ad into a sturdy envelope addressed to
Forbes Magazine Department with some bills, and goes to the window
to look at the sunset. Outside, the camera pulls back from the
window]
Please, God, send more rich kids...
To my...
Town
[As the camera pulls back, Token's house is shown to be big indeed,
with a three- or four-car garage set back some distance from
the street. To the right, two more houses appear, but they are
small next to the Williams house.]
[Next shot, a mansion in the Hollywood Hills. An address is shown]
Will Smith
17804 Beverly Estates
Hollywood Hills, CA. 90046
[the camera pulls back to show Smith reading Forbes Magazine]
WILL SMITH
Ooo, look at this, honey. A beautiful
unspoiled town in the Rockies. This
is just what we've been looking for!
JADA PINKETT SMITH
"Like Aspen was 30 years ago." Sounds
nice.
WILL SMITH
We could buy hundreds of acres of land
for next to nothing! And then I could
finally live like a cowboy.
JADA PINKETT SMITH
Oh Will, the country would be such a
nicer place to raise our kids!
WILL SMITH
O kids?
OLDER BOY
Yes, Daddy?
WILL SMITH
How would you like to move to the Colorado
Rockies?
OLDER BOY
The mountains, Daddy?
GIRL
Can we have horses?
OLDER BOY
O can we? Can we Daddy?
WILL SMITH
You bet!
KIDS
Hooray!
[South Park, soon after, day. A new four-story mansion rises
in a new lot. A crane positions the new fountain in a circular
driveway in front of the mansion. Token grins as he watches the
laborers work. A limosine and a moving truck pull up behind him.
Will Smith and family pour out of the limo]
WILL SMITH
Well, here it is. Our home to be.
JADA PINKETT SMITH
Oh, Will, it's beautiful.
TOKEN
Hi! Welcome to the neighborhood!
WILL SMITH
Why thank you, young man. We're the
Smiths.
OLDER BOY
Ah, a local boy. You shall be our nwe
playmate. I'm Frederick. This is my
sister Lisa, and my brother Daniel
TOKEN
I'm Token.
LISA
Our daddy is a very famous actor. What
does your daddy do?
TOKEN
Aah, he's a lawyer. I think.
WILL SMITH
How quaint. Kids, why don't you play
with little Token while your mother
and I check out the town.
FREDERICK
Very well. Come, local boy. Show us
how to play your mountain games.
TOKEN
All right! Thanks, God.
[Token's mansion, later. Token leads the Smith kids on a tour
of the mansion]
TOKEN
...And this is the room where my mom
and dad keep their original v-Van Gogh
painting.
FREDERICK
Yes, yes, we have one of those, too.
In fact, we have seven of them, I believe.
TOKEN
You do? God, that's great!
DANIEL
Why?
TOKEN
I'm just so happy you guys moved into
town. You see, I used to be the only
rich kid. All the other families here
are kinda low to middle-income.
LISA
Why? What happened to all their money?
TOKEN
Well, they never really had any money.
LISA
Well, then, why don't their daddies
just act in a movie?
TOKEN
Well I... think that.. they...
FREDERICK
Sometimes children must be very firm
with their daddies.
LISA
Indeed.
FREDERICK
Like when Daddy doesn't want to act
in a movie because he thinks the script
is bad.
LISA
So we must plead with him: "Please,
Daddy, please! It's twenty million dollard,
Daddy."
DANIEL
"Please, Daddy, please!"
FREDERICK
"Twenty million is still twelve million
after taxes, Daddy!"
LISA
"I want a llama, Daddy!"
FREDERICK
"I'd do the picture, Daddy!"
LISA
"Please, Daddy!"
FREDERICK
"Daddy, please!"
LISA
"Daddy, do the movie, Daddy!"
DANIEL
"But Daddy!"
FREDERICK
And so Daddy does the picture.
TOKEN
...That's ...great.
LISA
Twenty million dollars great.
[A recording studio. A rapper is laying down some tracks.]
SNOOP DOGG
I found a girl who had an innie and
I felt her with my jimmy
Player-haters try to do me 'cause my rhymes are just tooo-
ENGINEER
Sorry, Snoop Dogg, but Will Smith is
on line three for you?
SNOOP DOGG
Oh. William! How are you buddy?
WILL SMITH
Great, Snoop Dogg, and you?
SNOOP DOGG
Couldn't be better. I'm just laying
down some vocals for my new album.
WILL SMITH
Great, Snoop-Snoop. Listen: Remember
how we always talked about wanting to
buy property up in the mountains so
our kids could ski and ride horses?
SNOOP DOGG
Oho yes, the kids bug me about it all
the time.
WILL SMITH
Well I found the place, Snooty-roo.
It's in the Rockies, but totally undiscovered,
laid-back, and beautiful.
SNOOP DOGG
Ogh. It sounds lovely!
WILL SMITH
You really should come give it a look.
Jada and I would love for some friends
to move here with us.
SNOOP DOGG
I certainly will, William. And perhaps
I'll give ol' Maigc and Kobe Bryant
a call. They've been looking for vacation
properties as well.
WILL SMITH
Great! Well, let me let you get back
to your recording.
SNOOP DOGG
Hah, see you soon. Bye.
WILL SMITH
Bye.
SNOOP DOGG
Alright, let's take it from the top,
gang.
I shout "Hell Yeah!" from my vehicle. Livin' is a miracle-
[South Park, day. Another rich family moves into town. Jimbo,
Ned, and Mr. Garrison watch from across the street.]
MR. GARRISON
Look, there's more of them moving into
our town. You know, Oprah Winfrey is
building a house up on Cannon, and some
Snoop Doggy Doo Doo buildin' a gigantic
place up on Main.
JIMBO
Yep, there goes the neighborhood.
MR. GARRISON
That's the fifth family of them that's
moved here. Seems like all of a sudden
South Park is being overrun by those
types.
KYLE'S FATHER
Hey! W-what are you saying? What "types"?
MR. GARRISON
Yiou know, those types! Rich people!
JIMBO
Oh. I don't take kindly to rich folk.
Neither does Ned.
NED
Nnnope.
JIMBO
I remember back in the day, RICH folk
weren't alLOWED in South Park! Now thery're
movin' here in droves!
SKEETER
They're gonna be sending their kids
to our schools, and mixin' them with
our pure, non-rich kids!
MR. GARRISON
Oh, yeah, and it won't be long before
they drove all of us poor underachieving
people out of town with inflated real-estate
costs!
SKEETER
Damn, I hate those stupid richers!
MR. GARRISON
Yeah. Hey, rich guy! Hey, Richie Rich!
Yeah, I'm talkin' to you, richer! What's
in the huge box, richer?! Your checkbook?
JIMBO
Yeah. How many rich people does it take
to screw in a light bulb? None! They
can hire people to do it for them!
MR. GARRISON
Yeah. Hey, hey, you guys know why richers
have such big garages? 'Cause they need
a place for all their Porsches and boats
and aircraft carriers! Yeah, that's
right, cashchucker! Go have fun with
your two million dollar house!
JIMBO
I guess we showed them!
[Another house, nearby. A crane is positioning a swimming pool.
Oprah Winfrey directs the workers from the edge of the lawn]
OPRAH WINFREY
A little to the left. That's great and-
Let's put another pool over there.
Uh huh, good.
FREDERICK
Token, these are Oprah's newly-adopted
children, Dominique and Zizi.
DOMINIQUE AND ZIZI
Hello.
TOKEN
Hi.
A BOY
Cheerio!
FREDERICK
Ah, and these are Puff Daddy's kids:
P Diddy Mini, P Poofy Bite-size, and
Poppa Diddy Diddy Puff Fun-size.
TOKEN
Wow, my plan to get rich people here
sure did work. Hey, I got a great idea!
Let's all pack some lunches and go sledding.
LISA
Oh no, we're going shopping.
THE KIDS
Shopping!
FREDERICK
Yes, come Token. We're all going to
head down to the mall and buy some of
the stores.
TOKEN
Oh. Alright then.
[The local bar, night. It's pretty busy, with people chatting
away and enjoying their beer. Some motion is seen outside the
doors, and soon they open. Three rich men enter and scan the
bar, then move to a nearby table and sit. One of them is Kobe
Bryant]
KOBE BRYANT
'Scuse me, can ew get a couple of beers
here?
SKEETER
They've got nice expensive beers for
you across the street at the new Wolfgang
Puck's.
KOBE BRYANT
That's alright, we just want some cheap
beer tonight.
BARKEEP
...Maybe you didn't see the sign out
front: This bar is for people livin'
below their means ONLY!
MEN
Yeah!
KOBE BRYANT
This is a free country. I can have a
drink wherever I want.
MAN 1
Come on, Kobe, let's just go.
KOBE BRYANT
This ain't over! This ain't over by
a long shot!
MR. GARRISON
Those richers are getting snooty. We've
got to show those richers they're not
welcome here!
NED
Nn-what do you mean?
MR. GARRISON
How about tonight, we sneak up to one
of their houses, and right on their
lawn we'll set fire to a big lowercase
t!
JIMBO
Lowercase t?
MR. GARRISON
Yeah, for "time to leave"!
BAR PATRONS
Yeah!
MR. GARRISON
Jimbo, you take some folk and build
a big wooden lowercase t! I'll take
the rest and get some gas and torches
ready!
MR. GARRISON
Alright!
[Kobe's mansion, night. Through a bay window he's seen reading
his newspaper in an armchair near a fireplace. A FOOM is heard
and a flicker of light is reflected on the walls outside Kobe's
house. He notices, takes a hard look, rises from his chair and
goes to the front door. He opens it, annoyed, but his expression
changes to one of fright. He sees the lowercase t burning on
the lawn]
KOBE BRYANT
Tee. T- Time to- leave?
MR. GARRISON
T is for "time to leave," cashchucker!
KOBE BRYANT
I'm callin' the police.
SKEETER
I think we scared 'im.
JIMBO
Yeah. Next house we'll do a capital
T, to show 'em we REALLY mean business!
MEN
Yeah!
[South Park, new polo grounds, day. A group of rich kids gather
to begin a polo game. They all ride on ponies.]
FREDERICK
Now Token, polo is very simple. You
simply must hit the williard into some
cilium with your fracaman.
TOKEN
Well, yeah, but can't we just play without
these uncomfortable uniforms?
FREDERICK
"Can't we play without the uniforms?"
Yes, um. Lert's eat caviar without Bellini's
as well! Now come, Token, and remeber:
it doesn't matter who wins. It matters
who wins three times in a row. Tally
ho!
PLAYERS
Tally ho!
PLAYER 1
Oh!
PLAYER 2
Yay!
PLAYER 3
This is exciting.
PLAYER 4
Oh, Frederick, this is wonderful!
CARTMAN
What in the hell are they doing?
KYLE
Is that fun?
STAN
I don't know. We don't have horses,
so we can't play.
CARTMAN
Well, let's just play our game, then.
KYLE
Alright.
CARTMAN
Alright, I'll start. I'll kick you in
the nuts, Kenny!
KENNY
(Ow!)
KYLE
I'll kick you in the nuts, Stan!
STAN
I'll kick you in the nuts, Cartman!
CARTMAN
Kick his nutsack!
FREDERICK
You see, you must pay attention, Token.
I was able to jollyrow your davishmere
with a forecastle.
TOKEN
This game is too confusing. How about
we have a snowball fight?
PLAYER
A snowball fight?
LISA
How barbaric.
FREDERICK
Yes, Token, if you want to play such
savage games, I suggest you go live
with lions.
TOKEN
I don't fit in anywhere.
[South Park, another part of town. Bill Cosby and his two kids]
BILL COSBY
-ar. We're going to the zoo, and we
can eat Jerro pudding. Ah, this is
goin' to be fun kids. We're goin' to
the zoo, we could eat the Jerro pudding
and chocolate cake.
PASSENGER 1
Hey! What are you doing? If you're going
to ride the bus in South Park, you're
gonna have to sit in the FRONT!
PASSENGERS
Yeah
PASSENGER 2
Yeah, that's where the first-class seating
is!
PASSENGER 1
Yeah. How do you like that, richer?!
BILL COSBY
Well it's very nice, actually
PASSENGER 1
Yeah, I'll bet it is!
BILL COSBY
Very, very comfy.
PASSENGER 1
Uh huh, looks like it.
[A field, a while later. Token stands there talking to someone]
TOKEN
Hello, my name is Token. I don't fit
in with all the kids at South Park Elementary
so, I invited a bunch of rich kids to
move to town. The problem is, I don't
fit in with them, either. That's why
I've come to live with you. So if you'll
have me and raise me as one of your
own, I promise to be the best lion I
could be. Uuuh, yeah.
[Chef's house, day. Chef is seen shoveling snow off his driveway]
CHEF
Shovel that snow, babih, it's all nice,
heavy and wet. Just-
OPRAH WINFREY
You there, come march with us!
CHEF
For what?
OPRAH WINFREY
All the poor people in town think they
can persecute and harass us decent rich
folk.
WILL SMITH
So we're uniting and marching on the
town square!
KOBE BRYANT
The Million Millionaire March!
OPRAH WINFREY
Come on, brother!
CHEF
But... I'm not rich.
WILL SMITH
What?
CHEF
I'm just a school cafeteria chef. Ahah
I don't make much money.
WILL SMITH
We'll give you a hundred dollars.
CHEF
Woo, fudge the snow now.
CHEF
I shall perservere. We shall perservere.
[The lions' lair at the zoo, later. Token takes a raw steak and
bites into it, growling]
TOKEN
RRrrr!!
GIRL
Look at the little black lion, Mommy.
MOM
He's cute, isn't he?
TOKEN
Roar!
LION 1
What are you doing here, boy?
TOKEN
You- you talked. I, I understood you.
I must be becoming a lion!
LION 2
You're not becoming a lion. The only
way you can do that is to see Aslan.
TOKEN
Who's Aslan?
LION 1
Very well, walk this way.
ASLAN
Is this the boy who's been living in
our realm?
LION 2
Yes.
TOKEN
Are... you... Aslan?
ASLAN
M-I am.
TOKEN
Well, I'm Token
ASLAN
So, you want to live with the lions,
do you?
TOKEN
Yes. Um. Great Aslan. I don't fit in
anywhere else.
ASLAN
And what makes you think you can fit
it with us?
TOKEN
Well, I don't know.
ASLAN
Do you like jokes?
TOKEN
What?
ASLAN
Jokes! You know, funny, hahaaa. Us lions
love jokes.
TOKEN
...I like jokes a lot.
ASLAN
Mmm. Then there may be hoipe in you
yet, young apprentice lion. Very well.
We wihill let you stay, if... you can
pull this thorn from my paw. Go on,
try it. Pull my thorn! Come on! Pull
my thorm! Ho ho ho ho ho ho! Ho ho!
TOKEN
So can I stay?
ASLAN
He-you may. But being a lion may be
harder than you think.
[The local bar, later. The bar patrons watch a TV as a report
is heard. Seen are Mr. Garrison, Randy, Stuart, Skeeter, Gerald,
Jimbo, and Ned.]
REPORTER
A billion billionaires are gathering
their ranks and will be marchng on the
town square tonight in South Park to
petition the end of separate bars, bus
seating and restaurants. It looks like
it will be a great turnout, as some
of the millionaires also paid several
thousand Mexicans to march for them.
SKEETER
If they get that petition passed, it's
all over.
JIMBO
I guess we learned our lesson: you can't
fight rich folk; they're just too powerful.
MR. GARRISON
Now, come on! Is that any way to talk?
SKEETER
They won, Garrison. They can't be scared
out of town.
MR. GARRISON
No! We just haven't scared them the
right way! Think about it. What scares
rich people more than anything?
JIMBO
...Ghosts?
MR. GARRISON
Bingo! Rich people don't want to live
in South Park if they think it's HAUNTED!
MEN
Yeah!
MR. GARRISON
Everyonen get some sheets from home!
If we can't chase the richers out, we'll
spook 'em out!
MEN
Alright! Yeah! Let's Go! Right!
[The zoo, lion's lair, night. The lions have eaten and lay about
on the boulders. One by one, they belch and the others laugh.
Token sets his bowl down...]
TOKEN
Huuuunh Aslan.
ASLAN
Yes? What is it, young lion apprentice?
TOKEN
...I thnk I'm gonna go home now.
ASLAN
Home. But I thought your friends made
fun of you at home.
TOKEN
They do. But, I guess I learned something
today. You see, even though kids at
South Park make fun of me, I still like
hanging around them more than snobby
rich kids or, lions. Even though I may
be different from them, I still like
my old friends best.
ASLAN
It sounds like you learned much, young
lion apprentice. Very well. But before
you go, perhaps you would like... a
stick of gum?
TOKEN
...No thanks.
ASLAN
Go on. It's spearmint!
TOKEN
No, because there's a spring in there,
and if I pull the gum out, it's gonna
hurt my finger.
ASLAN
Oh. So you don't want any gum then?
Are you... sure? Go on, try it!
TOKEN
Ow.
ASLAN
That is good stuhuff!
TOKEN
Jesus, lions suck!
[South Park town square, night, in front of the Mayor's office.
The billionaires are present, and Will Smith is at the podium]
WILL SMITH
And so it is with great determination
that us decent rich Americans have gathered
to say: "We will be separated no more!"
MILLIONAIRES
Hooray!
MAYOR MCDANIELS
This certainly has been an enlightening
evening. And as Mayor, I accept your
petition and will abolish all separation
laws.
MILLIONAIRES
Yeah!
MAYOR MCDANIELS
And I want to assure the nation that
is watching that South Park is not a
town of prejudice or bigotry.
VOICES
Woooooo!!
OPRAH WINFREY
What the-?
MAYOR MCDANIELS
God no.
WILL SMITH
AAAaaahhh!
MILLIONAIRE 1
Carl, do you see what I see?
CARL
Yes, Martin. I do believe this town
is hainted.
WILL SMITH
Kids! Go find the limo and get in!
SNOOP DOGG
You didn't tell me this town was hainted!
WILL SMITH
I didn't know! I.. DIDN'T... KNOHOHOHOW...
SKEETER
It's working!
KYLE'S FATHER
They're scared to death!
[A mansion, the same one Mr. Garrison and the men saw earlier
as they commented on the new richers moving in, night. The family
rushes towrads the front door]
MILLIONAIRE
Pack up your things quickly! We've got
to get out of here!
[The town, night. "Ghosts" continue to chase the millionaires
around. In the background, Stan leads a group of boys down the
street. With him are Kyle, Cartman, Butters, Pip, Tweek, Clyde,
and Craig]
STAN
Oh hey, there's Token.
TOKEN
Hey guys.
STAN
Dude, we're gonna play football. Do
you wanna play?
TOKEN
You mean, you want me around?
STAN
Sure, dude, you're our friend.
TOKEN
Yeah, I know. But you guys always rip
on me for bein' rich.
STAN
Dude, just because we rip on you for
being rich doesn't mean we don't like
you.
KYLE
Yeah. We're guys, dude. We find something
about all our friends to rip on. We
made fun of you for being rich just
like we make fun of Butters for being
wimpy.
BUTTERS
They sure do.
STAN
Yeah, like we rip on Kyle for being
a Jew.
KYLE
Right.
TOKEN
That's right, huh?
KYLE
And Stan for being in love with Wendy.
STAN
Yeah, I get it for that.
KYLE
And Cartman for being fat
CARTMAN
Uh huh.
KYLE
And Cartman for being stupid
CARTMAN
Yeah.
KYLE
And Cartman for having a whore for a
mom.
CARTMAN
Hey!
KYLE
And Cartman for being a sadistic asshole
CARTMAN
Ey, you did me already!
TOKEN
You're right, guys. From now on, I'm
fine with being made fun of for being
rich.
STAN
Oh, but we're not gonna rip on you for
being rich anymore.
TOKEN
You're not?
KYLE
No dude. Because since you got your
feelings so hurt for being ripped on,
now we think you're a pussy.
STAN
Yeah, so now you're a pussy. Pussaholic.
KYLE
Come on, Nurse Token. We're gonna play
football, you puss.
CARTMAN
Pussy.
BUTTERS
Heh yeah, later, puss.
CRAIG
Ha, that guy's a pussy.
TOKEN
Wait! I liked being ripped on for being
rich better!
[The rich enclave, later. The men of South Park have succeeded
in chasing the rich folks out of town, and they gather in front
of a mansion. They take off their sheets]
SKEETER
That was it. We just saw the last of
them speeding away in a van!
MEN
Alright!
KYLE'S FATHER
They were so scared, I'm sure they'll
never be back!
MR. GARRISON
That's great! And now we can sell all
their homes, and become... millionaires!
MEN
What?
JIMBO
But then you had us do all that for
nothin'. Don't you see: If you get rich
sellin' these homes, then there will
still be rich people in South Park.
RANDY
Yeah. You'd become what you hate.
MR. GARRISON
Well yeah, but at least I got rid of
all those damn ni-
THE END
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