"SOUTH PARK"
Episode 404
"QUINTUPLETS 2000"
Written by
Trey Parker
RANDY
Okay, is everyone ready to go?
KYLE'S MOTHER
Oh, I'm so excited. I've always wanted
to see Cirque du Cheville.
SHARON
Me too. We were lucky to get tickets.
Come on, boys! We're gonna be late.
LIANE
Oh, don't they look precious?
STAN
Why do we have to dress up? Isn't this
just a circus, with elephants and lions
and stupid clowns
SHARON
No, Stanley. Cirque du Cheville is French-Canadian.
They get acrobats and singers from all
over the world and then do very artistic
things..
KYLE
Awwww!
GRANDPA
Why the hell do you wanna take these
boys to see that fufu French theater
crap? You're gonna turn them into poofders!
SHARON
Dad, Stanley needs to see the arts!
GRANDPA
Well, he doesn't need to see a bunch
of frogs prance around in tights and
make-op wrappin' their peckers around
each other's faces!
SHARON
Come on, everybody, let's go.
GRANDPA
Close your eyes and cover your ears,
Billy! Remember, you're a man.
[Cirque du Cheville, night. Folks are streaming in to get seats.
Next, under the Big Top]
KYLE'S MOTHER
Oh, this is so exciting
SHARON
Oh, look at the funny clown, Stanley.
STAN
Where? Oh, no. Ha ha, very funny,
thank you, goodbye. No, thank you.
Go away, please.
CARTMAN
He doesn't want your dumbass umbrella,
clown! Beat it! Ow.
RANDY
You didn't know that was gonna happen,
did you, Stanley?
CARTMAN
Oh, God, that was soo funny! Oh, man,
somebody stop my guts frm bursting out
of my sides!
ANNOUNCER
Ladies and gentlemen, please, no smoking
and no flash-photography during Sarque
du Son Bleu
CARTMAN
Sarque du Son Bleu. Oho, we've reached
warp factor 5, captain.
LIANE
Eric, sshhhh.
KYLE
How long does this thing last?
STAN
Two hours.
CARTMAN, KYLE, KENNY
Awwwgh.
[Cirque du Cheville, later. A troupe of twelve dancers leap high
and drop down again. The parents are still in thrall, and their
eyes follow the dancers' leaps. Cartman is now asleep. Some time
elapses, and a singer sings her song. The other three boys are
getting sleepy. The smiles are gone from the parents' faces.
The singer is shown with a two-person high-wire act overhead.
Little "birds" pop out from her dress and dance around. A new
act appears, and Stan is falling asleep on his left hand. Kyle
and Kenny seem more awake. An invisible man in a visible suit
walks on, and a clown jumps out of the floor in front of him.
The clown and the man shake hands, and the clown rips the man's
right arm off. A new act comes on, and Stan, Kyle, and Kenny
are really drowsy. The curtains open to reveal five girls, and
they come forward to dance]
SHARON
Ooo, these are the contorting quintuplets
from Romania.
KENNY
(Woohoo!)
CARTMAN
Wha-what? Another gay guy in feathers?
KYLE
Whoa.
STAN
Damn, dude.
STAN, KYLE, CARTMAN
Yayy!
KENNY
(Oh yeah! Woohoo!)
[Cirque du Cheville, dismissal. The crowd exits the tent]
KYLE'S MOTHER
Oh, that was wonderful!
SHARON
Yes. Too bad it was their last show,
or I'd go see it again.
KYLE
Those contorting Romanian chicks rule.
CARTMAN
Yeah, especially that second one from
the left. She was fine!
KYLE
Cartman, what the hell are you talking
about?! They're identical!
CARTMAN
Not that second one from the left; she
had it goin' on!
CLOWN
Don't forget to buy your souvenirs,
folks.
STAN
Damn, dude, do you see how much money
this place is raking in?
CARTMAN
Yeah. I could prance around in tights
and sing opera too, for that kind of
cash.
KYLE
Hey, we should start our own Cirque
du Cheville.
KENNY
(Yeah.)
STAN
Yeah. This one's moving out of town,
so we could take over.
KYLE
Let's go practice.
[Dressing Room #1. "Vladchick Contorting Quintuplets" is written
over a star.]
GRANDMAMA
Hurry up, girls. We must bundle up against
the cold.
A QUINT
Did we do good final show, Grandmama?
GRANDMAMA
Very good, my girls. I only wish it
weren't your last show. I love this
country so very much.
ROMANIAN OFFICIAL
Mrs. Vladchick, it is time. It is time
to return to Romania.
GRANDMAMA
Yes, yes, of course. Just give me vone
second to finish getting them ready.
This way, girls. Quickly.
QUINT #2
Vhy are we going out the window, Grandmama?
GRANDMAMA
Your mother did not want you to grow
up in Romania. This is our only chance.
ROMANIAN OFFICIAL
Nid kelmin da bushka.
ATTENDANT
Nid kelmin da lushka velt
ROMANIAN OFFICIAL
Nid kelmin da bushka ayn zolt!
ATTENDANT
M-Mrs. Vladchick?
ROMANIAN OFFICIAL
Dash fam da bushka!
[Cirque du Cheville, outside the main tent. The two Romanian
men rush out]
ATTENDANT
They're trying to defect!
ROMANIAN OFFICIAL
Cauch! We need a boat.
OARSMAN IN VEST
Where to, Mack?
ROMANIAN OFFICIAL
Follow that boat.
[The Marsh house, living room. The boys have bought a CD of the
show, and Kenny sings to the instrumental of one of the songs.
Kenny is wearing the costume the first singer wore. The other
three are practicing... um... Stan tries to leap into Kyle's arms,
but they end up tumbling on the floor. Cartman runs forth and
does some cartwheels, but lands on a coffee table, breaking it
to pieces.]
STAN
Dude, this isn't working.
KYLE
It's Kenny's singing!
KENNY
(Hunh?)
CARTMAN
Yeah, Kenny, you have to sing better!
KENNY
(I'm singing as good as I can!)
STAN
Well, it's not good enough, Kenny! You
have to get better! Try it again!
GRANDPA
Aha, I knew it. They turned you into
poofders.
[Stark's Pond. Grandmama and the girls zoom away.]
ROMANIAN OFFICIAL
There's nowhere to go, Mrs. Vladchick.
Pull over!
GRANDMAMA
Okay girls, the Cam Ay Alta.
ROMANIAN OFFICIAL
Be careful, Gabul! Be careful, Gabul!
Yaaah!
TOP GIRL
Did we do good, Grandmama?
GRANDMAMA
Very good, Glacas.
[The Marsh house. Snow falls outside. The other boys have gone
home]
STAN
I'm tired, Grandpa.
GRANDPA
No, Billy! You're gonna stay here and
watch more McGyver. We've gotta get
all the Frenchy-poo fag-nasties out
of ya. Who the hell would be ringin'
the doorbell at this time of night?
STAN
I don't know. Whoa.
GRANDMAMA
We are very sorry to disturb you. My
granddaughters are cold and tired. Is
there any possibility we could pay you
for a place to sleep?
RANDY
You're from Cirque du Cheville.
GRANDMAMA
Yes. We- missed our train. If we could
shelter here; it would only be for one
night.
RANDY
Well...
SHARON
Well, of course you can. Come in out
of the snow.
GRANDMAMA
Oh, thank you so much.
SHARON
There's some spare bedrooms upstairs,
Mrs....?
GRANDMAMA
Vladchick.
GRANDPA
That Grandma is not a bad piece of ass.
RANDY
Ew, Dad! Not in front of Stanley!
GRANDPA
Well, it's good for 'im.
[The McCormick house. Kenny is in his room with three books on
his bed.]
KENNY
(Let's see... No, not there) (Let's
see. Nothing there) (Let's see... here!)
NARRATOR
Hello, and welcome to: "Singing like
Bocelli for Dummies." Lesson 1: Yaaayayeha!
KENNY
(Yaaayaya.)
NARRATOR
Lesson 2: Hehyayaya hehyayaya!
KENNY
(Hehyayaya hehyayaya!)
NARRATOR
Good: And now we'll do the entire piece,
"Con Te Partirò"
KENNY
(Con Te Partirò?)
(...Su navi per mari
che, io lo so,
no, no, non esistono più.
con te io li rivivrò.
Con te...)
[...and it becomes background music as the camera pans over to...]
[The Marsh house. Grandmama Vladchick is in her nightgown combing
her hair. Grandpa Marsh rolls by]
KENNY
(...partirò.)
GRANDPA
Got everything you need there, do ya?
KENNY
(Su navi per mari)
GRANDMAMA
Yes. You're avefully soo kind to my
little granddaughters.
KENNY
(che, io lo so,)
GRANDPA
They're quite agile little things, aren't
they?
KENNY
(no, no, non esistono più.)
GRANDMAMA
Yes, as I was back in my day. I was
a contortionist, too.
KENNY
(con te io li rivivrò.)
GRANDPA
Y'don't say.
GRANDMAMA
Yes.
GRANDPA
You...
KENNY
(Con te...)
GRANDPA
...remember any of that stuff, do ya?
KENNY
(...partirò.
Su navi per mari
che, io lo so,
no, no, non esistono più.)
[as Kenny sings, Grandpa returns to Mrs. Vladchick's room naked...
and without the wheelchair. She lifts up her left leg over her
head, then lets it go. Kenny's getting into the song. The tape
speeds up a bit...]
(Io con te...!)
GRANDPA
Ah. Oh. Ah! Oh. Oh-oooh-oooh!
[The McCormick house, Kenny's room. The music stops with a thump
and Kenny collapses on his bed exhausted]
NARRATOR
And now lesson 4: the complete works
of Mozart. Let's begin.
KENNY
(Damn!)
[The Marsh house, morning. Randy and Sharon are in the kitchen
enjoying some coffee]
SHARON
What should we do, Randy? I like these
Romanians fine, but I hope that old
woman isn't planning on staying here
much longer.
RANDY
Heh, it's 11 o'clock and she's still
sleeping.
SHARON
Poor dear must be tired.
GRANDPA
You're damn right she's tired.
RANDY
Huh?
GRANDPA
Oh, nothin'. She's just gonna have a
little trouble walkin' today is all.
.
[The Marsh house, outside. Stan leads the other three boys in
the side gate and to the backyard]
STAN
Hurry up, you guys!
CARTMAN
What's going on?
STAN
Dude, you're not gonna believe this.
KYLE
What?!
QUINT 1
Hello.
QUINT 2
Hello.
QUINT 3
Hi.
QUINT 4
Hello.
CARTMAN
No way! The bitches from Cirque du Chebleu!
STAN
Yeah. They're quintuplets from Romania.
KYLE
What's a "quin-tuplet"?
QUINT 2
Ve are twins, except there are five
of us instead of two.
KYLE
But there's only four of you.
QUINT 2
No no, Natalia is just playing mirror,
but it's with Nadia.
NADIA
Hello.
KYLE
So if you're identical, does that mean
you all think alike?
ALL FIVE QUINTS
No, don't be ridiculous.
STAN
Will you guys be in our Cirque du Celville?
A QUINT
You have your own?
STAN
Well, not yet. Kenny has to get better
at singing first.
KENNY
(Hey!)
CARTMAN
But as soon as he starts singing better,
we're all gonna make bank!
QUINT 1
Okay.
QUINT 3
Sounds good.
QUINT 2
Count me in.
QUINT 5
Okay.
QUINT 4
...Oh, and me.
THE BOYS
All right!
[The Marsh house, kitchen]
RANDY
Alright, we've gotta figure out what
to do. I'm gonna go wake her up. Hello?
Mrs.... Mrs., Old Romanina Woman? Ma'am?
GRANDPA
Well, all tuckered, is she? Ha ha ha
ha.
RANDY
No, Dad.
GRANDPA
A little cottony in the crotch? Hr hr
hr hr.
RANDY
No, Dad, she's dead!
GRANDPA
What?! Oh, dear Jesus!
RANDY
It looks like she had a heart attack.
GRANDPA
No wonder she didn't say good-night.
RANDY
...Ew!
[The Marsh house, the backyard]
STAN
Okay, hold it, hold it.
THE BOYS
Ow!
SHARON
I don't know how to tell. You tell them.
RANDY
Uh, girls, we... have some bad news.
QUINT 5
What?
RANDY
Um... Everyone who has a grandma, step
forward. Uh, not so fast, girls.
SHARON
Randy!
QUINT 2
Grandmama is dead?
QUINT 1
What are we going to do now?
CARTMAN
You guys, come here. This is totally
awesome.
STAN
What?!
KYLE
How can you say that?
CARTMAN
Because now we can convince them to
stay here, and now our circus will kick
ass!
KYLE
Oh, yeah!
STAN
Mom! Dad! Can the quints stay with
us? Please? Can they?
RANDY
Well, Stan, it's not really our-
STAN
They have nowhere else to go. Please?
SHARON
Well, for the time being I, I mean,
of course they can stay.
STAN, KYLE
Hooray!
CARTMAN
Hooray!
[The Marsh house, the backyard, some days later. Neighborhood
men and women walk up to a fenced-in area of the yard in which
the quints play with varous toys and balls]
REPORTER
Tom, I'm standing at the home in South
Park where five precious little girls
have been rescued from Romania. Their
mother passes away some months ago,
and then their grandmother died trying
to bring them here. But all is well
now, and people are coming from all
over the country to view the little
tykes. If you'd like to come down and
visit the quintuplets, admission is
only $5, and for a few dollars more
, you can feed them fishsticks.
A QUINT
Mmm.
REPORTER
Tom, it looks like these cute little
girls have made it out of that armpit
of a country they call Romania.
[Romania, day. Government officials watch the report in a run-down
office]
REPORTER
Yes, luckily for them, these quintuplets
no longer have to live in Romania, the
asshole of the world. Back to you,
Tom.
PRESIDENT
This is not good. It makes our country
look poor and stupid.
ROMANINA OFFICIAL
This could kill our tourism.
PRESIDENT
You know what to do.
[South Park School of Music]
INSTRUCTOR
Alright, Kenny, let's start with some
warm-up exercises.
KENNY
(Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha)
MRS.MCCORMICK
Well, what do you think? Can you help
him become a better singer?
INSTRUCTOR
Well, he's got potential. Depends on
how good he wants to be.
KENNY
(Well, let's do it then!)
INSTRUCTOR
Well, if you wanna be a real singer,
you need to go to a conservatory in
Europe. There's no other alternative.
KENNY
(Europe?)
MRS.MCCORMICK
We can't afford that.
INSTRUCTOR
Well, then, I'm afraid your son will
always be a hack.
KENNY
(Awww.)
MRS.MCCORMICK
Well, Kenny, if it means that much to
you, maybe we can bus it to Europe and...
you can sing on the way to make money.
KENNY
(Yeah.)
[The Marsh house, breaking news music is heard. Sharon rushes
into the kitchen]
SHARON
Randy, Randy, you'd better have look
at this.
RANDY
What?
ANCHOR TOM
...until the U.S. government receives
this video, which was sent from Romania
just hours ago.
MAN
Hello. This is Romanian father. I am
desperate to have my girls returned
to me in Romania.
RANDY
Uh-oh.
STAN
That's your dad?
QUINT 2
Maybe.
QUINT 1
But we haven't seen papa for more than
five years.
MAN
How I've missed them all. Little Nahlal.
VOICE
Nadia!
MAN
Nadia, my sweet Barshta
VOICE
Baltania!
MAN
Baltania, eh anyway, my heart is aching
for their return. I, I know the American
government will do what's right.
KYLE
Hoh no, dude. If they get sent back
to Romania, we'll never get our Cirque
dei Ceville going.
STAN
Mom, Dad, you're not gonna send tham
back, are you??
SHARON
Well, I... think we... have to,... don't we?
RANDY
I don't know.
KYLE
You don't wanna go back to stinky Romania,
do you? It sucks there.
CARTMAN
Yeah. America is sooo much cooler. In
Romania they just oppress you and try
to bring you down.
SHARON
We'll have to call the police and see
what they want us to do.
CARTMAN
Damn, we might be screwed.
STAN
No! We've just gotta convince these
chicks that America kicks the ass out
of every other country. Come on!
[South Park Train Station. Kenny and his mom await the train.
Kenny launches into "La Donna E Mobile." Mrs. McCormick holds
a "Trying To Get To Europe" sign. The other boys take the quints
to South Park Funland]
CARTMAN
You see, in America we have... log rides!
Bacon double-cheeseburgers! Sheep-shearing
contests!
22nd Annual Sheep Shearing Contest
[A man sheas a sheep with a shearer as the eight kids and four
adults watch]
A FAN
Yeah. Woo hoohoohoo. Yeah.
CARTMAN
And shoppong malls! Hooray!
Welcome
To Europe!
Coziest Little
Place On Earth!
Elevation 4200 ft.
KENNY
(Woo hoo!)
[the U.S. Capitol. The Romanian father and two Romanian officials
sit in Janet Reno's office]
ROMANIAN OFFICIAL
Mrs. Janet Reno, you must understand,
the father has right to his children.
JANET RENO
Yes, but the girls seem to wanna stay
here. Why don't you all stay here in
America, and this whole thing can go
away.
MR. VLADCHICK
Okay. Heh!
ROMANIAN OFFICIAL
Our home is Romania. We love it there.
MR. VLADCHICK
Ah, yes, uwuh we love it there.
ROMANIAN OFFICIAL
If daughters will not return on their
own, you must force them to return
JANET RENO
Gentlemen, this has to be handled very
delicately. You don't understand Americans'
power to protest.
ROMANIAN OFFICIAL
Protest?
JANET RENO
Look, people have it so good in America
that they get bored very easily. And
when people get bored they start protesting
things.
ALL THREE MEN
Oh
JANET RENO
But I want to assure you, and the Romanian
people, that we are going to do everything
in our power to make this as confusing
as possible.
[South Park, the Marsh house, day. A crowd of protesters lobby
in front of the house]
PROTESTERS
Let the quints stay! Romania is gay!
Let the quints stay! Romania is gay!
LONE PROTESTER
Fur is murder! Fur is murder! Oh, what
are we protesting here?
A PROTESTER
Romania sucks!
LONE PROTESTER
Oh, let's see Here we go. Romania sucks!
PROTESTERS
Romania sucks! Romania sucks!
SHARON
Oh my God! I didn't know this was going
to become such a big deal.
RANDY
That'll teach us for taking an old
lady and her granddaughters out of the
cold.
LEAD AGENT COLLINS
Attention, people inside the house!
You must return the quintuplets to
their father! You have until... Oh yeah,
that's good. You have until Easter
Sunday to comply.
PROTESTER
Nooo!
PROTESTERS
Boooo!
COLLINS
What?!
[The Marsh house, Stan's room. Stan and friends are oblivious
to the action outside]
STAN
Okay, let's try it again. Hup!
A QUINT
Hup!
KYLE
Alright!
RANDY
Stan, we-
SHARON
Stanley, we have some bad news. The
courts have decided the girls must go
back to Romania.
STAN
No, they can't! We've convinced them
that they want to stay in America.
KYLE
Yeah, we've shown them amusement parks
and malls. How can you expect them to
go back now??
RANDY
I'm sorry, boys, but Janet Reno is having
them taken away on Easter Sunday. We...
don't have a choice. Sorry, girls.
STAN
Now what do we do?
[The Marsh house, outside, day. Several days have passed, and
now the protest crowd is larger, and news cameras are present]
REPORTER
Tom, it is now Easter morning, and as
the U.S. government promised, they are
here to take the girls back to their
father in Romania. Rumor has it that
Janet Reno herself will be extraditing
the quintuplets.
SOLDIER
Alright, Ms. Reno, let's go over the
plan.
JANET RENO
Right.
SOLDIER
We'll drop you on the northwest corner
of the backyard. You hop into the back
of the house and find the quintuplets.
When you see them, you say...
JANET RENO
"Hello, girls. I'm the Easter bunny."
SOLDIER
Good. And then hand them the Easter
eggs filled with tear gas. Are you ready?
JANET RENO
Ready.
SOLDIER
Code blue!
JANET RENO
Code blue!
[Romanian School of Music, day. Kenny is heard singing. He is
onstage as his song ends, and his mom joins him with three other
people]
MUSIC INSTRUCTOR
Lad, we would like very much to have
you here at the Romanina Music School.
KENNY
(Woohoo!)
MRS. MCCORMICK
How much is all this gonna cost?
MUSIC INSTRUCTOR
Don't worry, Ms. McCormick, Romania
is very poor country. Apartment is cheap.
Food is cheap, Everything is cheap because
we are so God-damned poor.
ASSISTANT
Yes, your two hundred American dollars
will last months here.
MRS. MCCORMICK
Wow, what a great country. Everybody's
poor, like us.
KENNY
(Yeah.)
[The Marsh house, day. Protesters and police mill around the
front yard]
JANET RENO
Hello, girls. I'm the Easter bunny.
Happy Easter, kids. Come see what I
brought for ya.
PHILLIP
Hey, Terrance, I think I have to fart.
TERRANCE
Wait. Before you do, pull my thumb.
QUINT 2
Oh, look. An Easter egg.
RANDY
Oh, shi-
LEAD SOLDIER
That's it. Let's move, move move move,
move! Give us the kids, now! Now!
OFFICER 1
Down on the floor. Get down on the God-damned
floor!
OFFICER 2
Find them!
JANET RENO
This is a bust! Hand over the quints!
Hand over the children! Happy Easter.
Hand over the children!!
GRANDPA
What the hell's goin' on?!
OFFICER 3
Freeze, asshole!
GRANDPA
Aw, go ahead and shoot me! I dare ya!
OFFICER 3
Don't push me, man!
GRANDPA
Pull the trigger, you little pussy!
OFFICER 3
Gaahhh!
OFFICER 4
Gun! Gun!
JANET RENO
Down! Down!
PROTESTER
Riot! Riot!
OFFICER 5
Pepper spray! Pepper spray!
OFFICER 6
Go ahead! In the van!
STAN
Damnit, now I'm never gonna have my
own circus!
[Romanian School of Music, day. Kenny performs in front of a
full house. He finishes his song and the audience erupts in applause.
Roses rain down upon him as he takes his bow.]
MUSIC INSTRUCTOR
Oh, your son is so talented, Ms. McCormick.
The people of Romania love him.
MRS. MCCORMICK
Good job, Kenny.
MUSIC INSTRUCTOR
Mrs.McCormick, we would love for you
and your son to stay here in Romania,
with us. Wwill you consider it?
MRS. MCCORMICK
Well, what do you think, Kenny? You'd
have to leave your friends and your
family behind.
KENNY
(Sure!)
MUSIC INSTRUCTOR
Alright!
[The Marsh house, day. The protesters leave one by one. The Marshes
stand in the bombed-out ruins]
SHARON
Oh, Randy, it's gone! It's all gone!
CARTMAN
Dude, what the hell happened?
STAN
The government came and got the quintuplets.
No more Cirque du Cheville for us.
KYLE
Damnit! How come every time we get a
sweet idea, the government has to screw
it up?!
STAN
Yeah! Well, not this time!
CARTMAN
Huh?
STAN
We've just gotta get that angry mob
back on our side! Alright, everybody,
listen up! Those bastards broke in here
and took those poor quintuplets to the
mayor's office downtown! But they haven't
won yet! I say we all go over to the
mayor's office, and demand to see the
quintuplets right now!
PROTESTER 1
Hmm.
PROTESTER 2
Yeaahh.
PROTESTER 3
I don't know. I usually like to stop
protesting by 5:30.
PROTESTER 4
Yeah, ah, do we get overtime for this?
STAN
Uh, sure, you can all get overtime.
PROTESTER 5
Alright!
PROTESTER 6
Yeah!
PROTESTER 7
Down with Japan!
[An office. Janet Reno and the two officers meet the Mayor and
her aides for a photo-op. The photographer takes his shot.]
JANET RENO
Alright. We just need to get a few more
pictures of the girls reunited with
their father so everyone knows they're
happy.
PHOTOGRAPHER
Come on, girls. Smile. We want you
to look happy. Smile. Look at the silly
frog. Who's got the silly frog? Look
at him. I've got- Look at him. It's
silly. "I'm so silly."
[Romania, day. A news report on TV]
STUART
Ah, hello? This is Kenny's dad, back
in America. I miss my son very much.
I would like to see him returned to
me so that the U.S. government will
buy me a new car and- Ow! I mean, bec-
because I miss my son very much. Man.
[A United States Air Force checkpoint, later. Cartman, Kyle,
and Stan approach, and a soldier intervenes]
STAN
Hey! We wanna see the quintuplets!
SOLDIER
You can't see them, boys. They're happily
reunited with their father.
STAN
Come on, angry mob!
SOLDIER
Aaa-a-a-aaa-ah.
[The USAF office. Reno has taken her mask off and stands next
to the girls. Behind her are six officers, and next to them are
the two Romanian officials and Mr. Vladchick.]
ROMANIAN OFFICIAL
Alright, it is time for us to return
to Romania.
JANET RENO
What is that?
OFFICER 7
It's the protesters. They're back.
JANET RENO
God-damnit! We'll take care of them.
Come on!
OFFICER 8
Let's move. Move!
OFFICER 7
Come on, come on, come on.
OFFICER 9
Come oonn, come oonn.
OFFICER 10
This is government property!
PROTESTER
Let the quints stay!
SHARON
You ruined my house!
QUINT 1
What are you doing, Nadia?
NADIA
I'm calling the only person in the vorld
who can help us.
[A USAF airfield, later. Protesters and officers are still brawling.
Stan and Kyle each kick an officer on the shin.]
CARTMAN
Take that!
QUINT 3
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
QUINT 1
All of you are acting like idiots!
STAN
Yeah.
QUINT 1
None of you care about us. You only
care about yourselves!
QUINT 2
Look at you, Father. You walked out
on us five years ago , and now you act
like you miss us sooo much! You are
a liar and a fake!
CARTMAN
Yeah, you suck, dude!
QUINT 3
And you Romanian leaders , you don't
care about us! All you care about is
making America look stupid!
CARTMAN
Yeah! God, you guys are dicks!
QUINT 3
And you protesters! Don't you have anything
better to do?! Get a life!
CARTMAN
Yeah!
QUINT 3
And you boys are the worst of all!
STAN, KYLE, CARTMAN
Huh?
QUINT 3
You know nothing about Romania, and
yet you assume America is so much better!
Maybe Romania isn't as nice as America,
but it is our home! We are Romanian!
All you care about is your own stupid
circus!
JANET RENO
Where are you going, girls?
QUINT 1
The only place we can go. We're going
on Oprah and then a book tour.
QUINT 5
Yes. You can all kiss our little white
Romanian asses!
STAN
Oh, well. Doing our own circus was a
dumb idea anyways.
CARTMAN
Yeah, screw them!
KYLE
Kenny was never gonna get his singing
right anyway.
STAN
Whatever happened to Kenny?
[Romania, day. Romanian protesters with signs bearing a picture
of Kenny's head lobby in front of the house Kenny's in.]
ROMANIAN PROTESTERS
Let Kenny stay! Let Kenny stay! Let
Kenny stay!
OFFICER 1
Alright, people, the father wants his
son returned to him! Hand him over to
us!
ROMANIAN PROTESTERS
Boooo!
OFFICER 2
Shut up, Romanians! All right, let's
go. Move move move move!
OFFICER 3
Hand over the boy, now!
MRS. MCCORMICK
Okay, okay!
OFFICER 3
I mean it, lady, you've got about-!
Woops.
THE END
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