"SOUTH PARK"
Episode 708
"SOUTH PARK IS GAY!"
Written by
Trey Parker
[South Park, school bus stop, morning. Stan, Cartman and Kenny
wait for the bus. Stan is dressed in fishnet tank top, artsy
pants, and a new, furry cap with the same colors as his old one.
Cartman is dressed in a Madonna fashion shirt and artsy pants.
His hair is tussled and brighter than usual. Kenny is dressed
in a purple parka with light purple sleeves. A lock of his hair
peeks out from under the hood.]
STAN
Oh my God, you guys are not gonna believe
what happened to me last night.
CARTMAN
What? Tell us?
STAN
So, I'm watching the season premiere
of Boy Meets Boy on television, and
then Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
come on, right? So I fall asleep in
front of the TV, and when I wake up,
I see that I've spilled the Coke I was
drinking all over my satin pajama top.
CARTMAN
Oh my Gosh, are you serious? That was
the cutest top ever!
STAN
I know!
KENNY
(I just LOVE this jacket 'cause it's
SOOO beautiful!)
STAN
Oh, tell me about it, Ken doll.
KYLE
Hey dudes.
CARTMAN
What a dork!
KYLE
What?
CARTMAN
Nice jacket, Kyle! Polyester is really
the hot fabric this fall!
KYLE
Well, but, this is the jacket I always
wear.
STAN
You've gotta get with the times, girlfriend.
CARTMAN
Yeah, that jacket is so September 10th.
STAN
Oohh my God, you got splotches on your
neck. Are you using any exfoliating
products at all??
CARTMAN
We can't let Kyle out in public like
this, you guys.
KENNY
(That's the truth.)
STAN
Come on, Kyle! We're giving you a makeover!
[MONTAGE
The boys take Kyle to a clothing store
and give him some suits to try out.
They choose an outfit and haul him off
to the next store, a barbershop. A woman
styles Kyle's hair. Next is a pedicure.
Kyle wears the outfit Kenny chose. Next
stop: Forever 16, and finally Marcy's.
Next, all four of them are getting facials.
The last scene is of the four boys walking
down the middle of the street, all dressed
in new clothes. Cartman takes off his
shades and the camera enters his eye]
SINGERS (WIDELIFE)
You... came into my life... and my world
never looked so bright. Yeah.
It's true. You bring out the best in me.
When you are around, when you are around, all things just keep
getting better.
It keeps getting better. Life keeps getting better and better
(All things just keep getting better).
[The Broflovski house. Gerald and Sheila watch TV from their
couch]
ANNOUNCER
Coming up on HBC, it's Queer Eye for
the Staight Guy!
CARSON
We have got to get you some tighter-fitting
shirts!
ANNOUNCER
Then it's Boy Meets Boy, followed by
Will and Grace, and then, the Love Boat...
with Men.
KYLE'S MOTHER
My goodness, there certainly are a lot
of gay shows on television these days.
KYLE'S FATHER
Yeah. I think it's great that gays are
finally being so accepted.
KYLE
Hi Mom, Hi Dad!
KYLE'S FATHER
HAAAAAA!!! Kyle! What's happened to
you??
KYLE
I'm just trying to fit in, Daddy. Don't
be such a drama queen!
KYLE'S FATHER
Oh my God! Come on, Sheila! We'd better
go tell the other parents what's going
on!!
[The Marsh house. Gerald is pounding on the front door and Sharon
answers.]
SHARON
Oh hi Gerald, Sheila.
KYLE'S FATHER
Hi Sharon. Uh, we need to talk to you
about the boys.
SHARON
Sure. Come on in. The guys are all watching
TV.
KYLE'S FATHER
Oh, is the game on or something?
RANDY
Heeey Geraaald! How are youuuu!!
OTHER MEN
Geraaald! Hi Gerald.
STUART
Sit down, Jer-Jer! Queer Eye For the
Straight Guy is on.
KYLE'S FATHER
Oh no! Y-you guys all turned gay too??
RANDY
Not gay, Gerald, metrosexual.
KYLE'S FATHER
What's that?
SKEETER
Just because a guy cares about how he
looks and is in touch with his feminine
side doesn't mean he's gay anymore.
STUART
Yeah. Metrosexual means you're straight,
but you appreciate the gay culture.
RANDY
It's super-fabulous. Would you like
some shirazz?
[The ladies look on from the kitchen]
SHARON
Don't our men look
LINDA
Haven't you seen Quuer Eye For the Straight
Guy, Sheila? These five gay men go around
and show straight men how to better
themselves. It's the best.
KYLE'S MOTHER
It is?
SHARON
Well sure, Sheila. Our husbands are
all so clean and neat. My Randy irons
his clothes and even has pedicures.
LINDA
And they like to talk about their feeling
now and drink wine and decorate the
house.
SARAH
My Steven shaved his chest and his balls.
OOOO, I love it!
SHARON
And how about our boys, huh? Ever since
gay culture became cool, our boys bathe
every night and brush their teeth three
times a day. This is the greatest thing
ever.
KYLE'S MOTHER
I don't know. Sometimes boys take cultural
fads too far...
[South Park, day. The boys go to school in their new threads.
They stop at the main entrance]
STAN
Dude, I can't wait for Wendy to see
how gay I look!
CARTMAN
That's true, you guys. When the chicks
at school see how gay we are, they're
gonna be all over us.
KENNY
(Woohoo!!)
STAN
All right. Let's work it! What the...?
BUTTERS
Tootaloo, Connor. See ya after classies.
CONNOR
Okay, sweetums.
CLYDE
Oh my God, where is my homework?! I
am fr-eaking a-out!
A BOY
Hey dudes.
STAN
Hey Craig.
CRAIG
You guys look pretty gay.
KYLE
Thanks.
CRAIG
Not as gay as us, though.
CARTMAN
Oh, please Craig, we're ten times gayer
than you!
CRAIG
Oh yeah?! We're superduper triple-dog
gay!
CARTMAN
Oh yeah?! We're all just super stamp
it stamp it no erasies mega gay!
CHEF
What's all this fightin' about, children?!
STAN
These guys are trying to say they're
gayer than us!
CHEF
Aw nah. Don't tell me you children have
taken up this whole metrosexual fad,
too!
STAN
Oh My God, this is not a fad, this is
who we are!
CHEF
No it isn't. Last year you children
were all trying to be black, and now
you're trying to be gay!
STAN
We're metrosexual!!
CRAIG
Maybe. But you'll never be as metrosexual
as us! Come on, fags!
CARTMAN
GOD I HATE CRAIG!! That son of a...
djah!!
KYLE
Chef, I don't feel very metrosexual.
CHEF
Well, then, don't buy into this fad,
Kyle. Be who you are, not what's cool.
MR. GARRISON
All right children, let's take our seats.
CLASS
Good morning Mr. Garrison.
MR. GARRISON
Well, uh d-don't you all look nice.
TIMMY
Oooo, Timmy.
STAN
Dude! W-what are you doing?
KYLE
I didn't feel comfortable in that stuff,
dude. I'm just being me.
CRAIG
HA! Told you you guys were straight!
STAN
We're not straight! You're straight!
CARTMAN
You're straight like a freedway!
MR. GARRISON
What the hell is going on??
CARTMAN
You wish you were gay, Craig! In you
dreams!!
CRAIG
I'm not just gay, I'm a catamite.
CARTMAN
...So? I'm half bisexual!
MR. GARRISON
Oh, stop it!! You kids don't even know
what you're talking about!! Eric, you're
not half-bi!!
CARTMAN
I'm like, a quarter-bi. My grandpa was
bi, so that makes me quarter-bi.
MR. GARRISON
WHAT??
[Nighttime. Mr. Garrison and Mr. Slave walk down the street.]
MR. GARRISON
It was the crazies thing I've ever seen,
Mr. Slave. All the children were suddenly
acting like being gay was cool. I mean,
maybe we're not the only gay couple
in town anymore.
MR. SLAVE
Oh, Jethuth Chritht.
[The bar, inside. Disco music is playing. Mr. Garrison looks
in awe at the metrosexuals now milling about.]
MR. GARRISON
Look at that, Mr. Slave. Our cup runneth
over.
MR. SLAVE
Jethuth Chritht.
JIMBO
Mr. Garrison, those are great pants.
MR. GARRISON
Thanks, Jimbo. I really like your outfit,
too. Soho... so Jimbo, you... wanna
come back to my place with me and Mr.
Slave?
JIMBO
Uh, for what?
MR. GARRISON
Well, you know...
JIMBO
No.
MR. GARRISON
Huh.
RANDY
Mr. Garrison! Hey doll.
MR. GARRISON
Oh hey Randy.
RANDY
You're looking ultra-fabulous.
MR. GARRISON
Wull thanks. You too. So uh, Randy,
you want me to give you a hand job in
the bathroom?
RANDY
Nuno, thanks, I'm, I'm not like that.
MR. GARRISON
Not, not like that?
RICHARD
How about some shirazz, guys?
MR. GARRISON
Uh-OH, thanks, Mr. Tweek.
RICHARD
My pleasure, silly-buns.
MR. GARRISON
Oh, wuh, welluh, Mr. Tweek, why don't
we uh, go back to my place.
RICHARD
Why?
MR. GARRISON
Well, you know, I was just thinking
we could... put on some music and watch
videos and pound Mr. Slave's tight little
ass.
MR. SLAVE
Woohoohoohoo, Jethuth Chritht.
RICHARD
Wohohoho, goodness no. I, I'm straight.
MR. GARRISON
Straight? Bu-uh, Oh what... Jesus, what
the hell is goin' on here?!
PATRONS
Huh?
MR. GARRISON
Why won't anybody pound Mr. Slave's
butt?!
RANDY
Well, we don't "pound butt," Mr. Garrison,
we're straight.
MR. GARRISON
Those pants and those shoes say you
pound butt!!
JIMBO
Heeey, now that's not true. My shoes
don't say I pound butt.
MR. GARRISON
No, your shoes say you take it in the
butt!!
SKEETER
'Sokay, Mr. Garrison. We learned that
gays are totally cool. You're just one
of us now.
PATRONS
Yeah.
MR. GARRISON
One of you?! We've spent our whole
lives tryin' NOT to be one of you! You
can't do this to us!!
[South Park Elementary, playground, day]
CARTMAN
Have you guys seen this? It's a conditioner
that you can leave in, and it detoxifies
the scalp.
STAN
Wow, is that from Origins?
CARTMAN
Yeah. It's a charcoal-based thing that-
KYLE
Hey guys. You wanna throw the football
around?
CARTMAN
Guys, can I talk to you over here for
a second? Look, guys, a lot of the
kids in school are talking, okay? And
they're spreading rumors that we're
not metrosexuals because... we hang
out with Kyle.
STAN
Well, what can we do about it?
CARTMAN
We have no choice, you guys. We're just
gonna have to kill Kyle.
STAN
What?? That's stupid. We wouldn't have
to kill Kyle! We would just to tell
him not to hang around us anymore.
CARTMAN
Oh, you know, you're right, Stan. We
just have to tell Kyle not to hang around
us anymore.
STAN
Yeah. Wait, what?
CARTMAN
You hear that, Kenny? Stan thinks we
should tell Kyle not to hang around
us anymore. I think he's right. Good
luck telling him, Stan. I... know it
won't be easy.
CRAIG
Hey, butch boy. Nice football you got
there.
TOKEN
When was the last guy you had a manicure,
straight man?
JASON
Yeah, let's see that hair. Look, he's
not even using any product!
STAN
Hey, what's goin' on?
CRAIG
Oh, here come the butch boys to help
their butchy little friend!
CARTMAN
He's not our friend.
KYLE
Stan?
JASON
This playground is for metrosexuals,
macho man!
CRAIG
Take your non-flaming ass to some other
school!
KYLE
No! Ah!
[South Park sign, now with a bed of flowers under it]
[The Broflovski house. Kyle returns with bruises all over his
body. His mom is dusting]
KYLE'S MOTHER
Kyle! What happened to you?!
KYLE
I got beat up at school... for being
different.
KYLE'S MOTHER
WHAT?? Your classmates beat you up for
being a Jew?
KYLE
No! For not being a metrosexual.
KYLE'S MOTHER
Gerald! Gerald, get down here!
KYLE'S FATHER
Heeere I come!
KYLE
Oh no! Dad's metrosexual too?
KYLE'S FATHER
Kyle! You look terrible!
KYLE'S MOTHER
The boys at school beat him up, Gerald.
KYLE'S FATHER
Oh, really?! Well, don't you worry,
Kyle. We can cover that black eye up
with some cream base, and the coat and
pants we'll bleach with an acid wash
for a fun vintage look.
KYLE
Gah! Just leave me alone!
A VOICE
There you go! Now you look fabulous.
KYAN
You see that? A spray-on tan does wonders
for your look.
KYLE
GRRRRR!!
THOM
Now let's get down to the tango class
and learn some new steps.
KYLE
That does it! I know what I have to
do!
[Chef's house, day. Mr. Garrison rings the bell]
CHEF
Oh, hello, Mr. Garrison.
MR. GARRISON
Chef, can I talk to you?
CHEF
Sure. Come on in.
MR. GARRISON
Thanks. Come, Slave. Oh, it's just
awful, Chef! I used to feel like an
outsider, a totally different person
who stood out in this town! Now every
straight guy is acting gayer than me!
MR. SLAVE
Oh Jethuth! Jethuth Chritht!
CHEF
Well, what do you want me to do about
it?
MR. GARRISON
Chef, what did you do when white people
stole your culture?
CHEF
Oh. Well, we black people just always
tried to stay out in front of them.
MR. SLAVE
How did you do that?
CHEF
Well, like with our slang. Black people
always used to say, "I'm in the house"
instead of "I'm here." But then white
people all started to say "in the house"
so we switched it to "in the hizzouse."
Hizzouse became hizzizzouse, and then
white folk started saying that, and
we had to change it to hizzie, then
"in the hizzle" which we had to change
to "hizzle fo shizzle," and now, because
white people say "hizzle fo shizzle,"
we have to say "flippity floppity floop."
MR. GARRISON
We don't have time for all that, Chef!
Oh, if only those Queer Eye For the
Straight Guy people understood what
they were doing. Wait. That's it!
I know exactly what to do! Come on,
Mr. Slave! Let's get back to our flippity
floppity floop.
CHEF
Oh no! Damnit! Don't call it that!
[South Park Train Station. Kyle approaches a ticket booth]
KYLE
One ticket to New York, please.
CLERK
You're going to New York alone?
KYLE
I'm going to see the Queer Eye For the
Straight Guy people.
CLERK
Oooo, great idea! They can help you
with those dated clothes.
KYLE
Mrrh. Mr. Garrison?
MR. GARRISON
Kyle, what are you doing here?
KYLE
I'm going to New York to kill the Queer
Eye For the Straight Guy people!
MR. GARRISON
What?? That's what I'm doing!
KYLE
Oh no! They ruined my life! I get to
kill them first!
MR. GARRISON
They took gay culture from real gays
and their asses are ours!
KYLE
I thoght of it first!
MR. GARRISON
No you didn't! No you didn't!
KYLE
Did so! Did so!
MR. GARRISON
I thought of it yesterday!
KYLE
I thought of it two days ago!
MR. GARRISON
I thought of it before you were born!
MR. SLAVE
Stop it, you two! Stop it! Don't you
see how crazy this is?
MR. GARRISON
Oh. You're right, Mr. Slave. We can
both kill them together.
KYLE
Cool.
[South Park Mall, day. The boys are at a clothing store]
STAN
Wow, we look great!
CARTMAN
Yeah, and let's see Craig outgay us
now.
RANDY
Boys! Boys! Come on! There's a sale
down in Express for Men! Hey guys!
There's a sale in Express for Men!
RICHARD
Oh my God!
MAN
Let's go! Let's go!
MAN 2
You guys have got to see these shoes
I bought!
KYLE'S FATHER
Hurry, you guys! The mall closes in
seven hours! Oh, why can't we all live
at the mall?!
SHARON
You know, I'm starting to think this
whole metrosexual thing isn't so great.
LINDA
I know what you mean. All my husband
ever does now is look at himself in
the mirror. He cares more about how
he looks than how I look.
MRS. TWEEK
I hope something happens soon to put
an end to this whole fad.
[HBC Television Headquarters, New York. The head of programming
is with the Queer Eye guys]
HEAD OF PROGRAMMING
Guys, you've done a terrific job. Queer
Eye For the Straight Guy is our number
one show!
CARSON
What can I say? We're fabulous.
HEAD OF PROGRAMMING
You guys are changing the world! And
tomorrow, we're gonna have you make
over the President of the United States!
JAI
Oh my God, I think I'm gonna faint.
MR. GARRISON
Room service.
HEAD OF PROGRAMMING
What? We didn't order any room service.
MR. GARRISON
Oh, well, the woman at the front desk
sent it up.
HEAD OF PROGRAMMING
Carol? Well, I'll have to check on
this. Excuse me a minute, fellas.
KYLE
Clear!
MR. GARRISON
Okay, Mr. Slave!
MR. SLAVE
Unh, Jethuth Chritht.
MR. GARRISON
Well crap, that didn't work.
[South Park Mall, day. Stan and his group face off against Craig
and his group at the center of the mall]
STAN
You'd better shut up, Craig.
CRAIG
Everyone knows it's true!
STAN
It is not!
CRAIG
Is so!
TOM
Craig! Behave yourself!
RANDY
Yeah, Stanley. What are you fighting
about?
STAN
Dad, Craig is trying to say that his
dad can outdress you!
RANDY
What? Son, that's a silly thing to fight
about.
TOM
Yeah. Everyone already knows I dress
better than Randy.
RANDY
Oh really?!
TOM
I mean, you do have the fashion sense
of a Japanese woman.
SOME MEN
Ooooo.
RANDY
Please, girlfriend. You look like some
kind of Little Orphan Annie nightmare.
OTHER MEN
Oh no, errrr!
SHARON
Oh, stop it! Will you all just stop
it?! Look, you guys are carrying this
fad too far! Will you please stop acting
this way?!
TOM
You don't... like us being metrosexual?
THE WOMEN
NO!
RANDY
Well, you know what I think? I think
you're all metrophobic!
THE MALES
Yeah!!
LINDA
What?
JIMBO
We shouldn't be fighting amongst ourselves,
we should be uniting against metrophobes
like these!
SHARON
This is crazy!
RANDY
Crazy? Different? Outcasts? Call us
what you want. But us metros are real
people, just like you!
TOM
You can metrobash us all you want,
but we're here to stay!
CRAIG
Yeah Mom! We're proud of who we are.
CARTMAN
That's right. Proud. You know what
I think, guys? I think we should have
a metrosexual pride parade.
RYAN
Great idea, Eric! Raise metrosexual
awareness!
STUART
We can make floats and decorate them
with streamers and flowers!
KENNY
(Woohoohoo!)
RANDY
Come on, fellas! Out of the malls and
into the streets!
THE MALES
Out of the malls and into the streets!
Out of the malls and into the streets!
Out of the malls and into the streets!
MRS. TWEEK
What the hell did that show do to them?
[HBC Television Headquarters, New York. Police have been called
in and have apprehended Mr. Garrison, Mr. Slave, and Kyle]
OFFICER
You sure you don't want to press charges?
KYAN
That's okay, officer. I think they learned
murder is wrong.
CARSON
Especially in those pants.
MR. GARRISON
Look, guys, we're sorry we tried to
murder you, but... You have to stop
what you're doing!
JAI
Are you crazy?! We're the hottest thing
on TV!
MR. GARRISON
But don't you see the price? You're
selling out your own kind. Look, us
gays have created a lifestyle, a, a
culture that is uniquely ours. If we
keep trying to make straight people
into us, well, we're gonna have no identity
left.
KYAN
Sorry Charlie, no sale.
MR. GARRISON
Buh... but... this doesn't make sense!
How can gay men do this to their own
people?? Unless... you're not gay at
all...
THOM
You just had to push it, didn't you?!
JAI
Just had to keep asking question!
CARSON
Now you know the truth!
KYLE
They aren't gay? Then what are they?
KYAN
We're a thousand years our kind have
lived beneath the earth's crust! Banished
by man in the Kindling Wars.
MR. GARRISON
Oh my God.
LEADER
We are the Crab People!
KYLE
AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
MR. SLAVE
Jethuth Chritht!
THE QUEER EYE GUYS
Craaab People! Craaab People! Craaab
People!
[A subterranean cave. The crab people lead their hostages to
their camp. "Craaab People! Craaab People! Craaab People!"]
CRAB LEADER
See now where we have been forced to
live for a thousand years! But soon
we shall rule the land above, and mankind
will be gone!
MR. GARRISON
Gone??
CRAB MAN 2
Crab people are too small and weak to
take over man by force, and so we came
up with our perfect plan!
CARSON REPLICA
If you can't beat man, change man!
MR. GARRISON
I knew it! I knew gay people would never
do this to their own kind!
CRAB LEADER
When all the world is metrosexual, the
crab people shall finally reign supreme!!
CRAB PEOPLE
Craaab People! Craaab People!
CRAB SOLO
Taste like crab, talk like people.
CRAB PEOPLE
Craaab People!
KYLE
You'll never turn ME into a metrosexual!
I like being a dirty, filthy little
boy!
CRAB MAN 2
Very well. If we can't make you into
metrosexuals, then we will make you
into crab people! Take them!!
Singers
(CRAB PEOPLE)
All things just keep getting better
You... came into my life
(Crab People)
and my world never looked so bright. Yeah.
(Crab People)
It's true. You bring out the best in me.
(Crab People)
When you are around, when you are around,
(Crab People)
All things just keep getting better.
(Crab People)
[South Park, day. A Metrosexual Pride Parade moves down the street
in the background, and News 4 is covering it.]
REPORTER
Tom, I'm standing in South Park, Colorado,
where the first Metrosexual Pride Parade
is underway!
THE BOYS
We're here!
We're not queer! [clap clap]
But we're clsoe! [clap clap]
Get used to it!
We're here! [clap clap]
We're not queer! [clap clap]
But we're clsoe! [clap clap]
Get used to it!
SHARON
That does it! I can't take it anymore!
THE BOYS
We're here!
We're not queer! [clap clap]
But we're clsoe! [clap clap]
Get used to it!
LINDA
I should have never wished for a cleaner,
neater husband.
SHARON
Ladies, get yoru things! I know what
we have to do!
JIMBO
Whoa, look out!
RANDY
Oh my God, it's on fire!
SKEETER
Put it out! Put it out!
RANDY
I can't do anything! These are brand-new
pants!
SKEETER
The heat could really damage our hair.
We'd better let the police handle this!
OFFICER BARBRADY
Are you crazy? I just had my uniform
pressed!
JIMBO
Oh Jesus, it's burning! Oh my God!
SKEETER
Eeeek!
RANDY
Put it out! Put it out! Fire!
[HBC Headquarters, New York. The Queer Eye guys work on President
Bush on their show]
CARSON
Mr. President, it is such an honor to
make you over!
KYAN
Now, we've got to do something with
yoru hair.
THOM
And your nails are filthy. Let's get
those clean.
HEAD OF PROGRAMMING
This is gay gold!
MR. GARRISON
Stop them! They're crab people!
CRAB MAN 3
They cannot see or hear us, foolish
man. Now stand by and watch as your
pitiful race becomes helplesss!!
CARSON
That is very good, Mr. President. Now,
put on this silk jacket.
KYLE
No Mr. President!! Don't do it! Help!
MR. GARRISON
You bastards!
KYAN
That looks great! Now, how about some
moisturizer.
SHARON
There they are! Get 'em!
KYAN
What?
LINDA
You turned our husbands into whiny little
wusses!!
SARAH
It's payback time!
HEAD OF PROGRAMMING
Oh my God, what are they doing?!
CRAB MAN 3
Oh noooo!!
HEAD OF PROGRAMMING
Wha? What have you done?
SHARON
We're sorry, but we didn't have a choice.
You see, at first we liked having our
men be clean and neat. We thought that
having them use product in their hair
and wanting facials would make them
sexier. But it doesn't.
LINDA
That's right. Event though my Steven
sickens me out sometimes, it's his rugged
manly grossness that I'm attracted to.
SARAH
We're sorry, but we knew that the only
answer was tuh kill the Queer Eye guys.
HEAD OF PROGRAMMING
Well you're going to jail for thi-!
Wait a minute. What is that?
CRAB LEADER
No! Our evil plans! Noooo...
HEAD OF PROGRAMMING
Oh my God. They were crab people.
MR. GARRISON
Yes! They were tryingn to systematically
make men into wusses so they could take
over the world!
KYLE
Mom!
KYLE'S MOTHER
Kyle!
HEAD OF PROGRAMMING
I should have known they were crab people.
They tried this before with The Jefferson.
MR. GARRISON
So now, can you please change your network's
programming?
HEAD OF PROGRAMMING
Yes. Yes, I think this gay fad is over.
Gentlemen, back to Studio 12! We're
gonna bring back the Latin fad.
[South Park. The sign has been redrawn with a barrio graffiti
font.]
[The McCormick house, day. Randy, Jimbo, Skeeter, and Stuart
are now dressed as cholos on the porch. Two six-packs of Coronas
are on the ground. Some of the bottles are already empty]
RANDY
Hey eses.
STUART
Hey Jefey. You want some cerveiza?
[South Park Elememtary, day. Kyle walks into view in the school
hall]
STAN
Kyle. Hey, ese. You wanna come play
catch with us?
KYLE
What? Y-you want me to hang out with
you?
STAN
Yeah. It's cool, holmes.
KYLE
...No, dude, it really isn't cool. You
all turned yoru backs on me. You're
supposed to be my best friends and you
just... treated me like nothing! And
now you all expect me to just forget
it all and, and hang out with you again
like nothing happened?
STAN
Aw Jesus, Kyle, don't be such a whiny
little gaywad! Come play catch with
us.
CARTMAN
Yeah, don't be such a fag, dude!
KYLE
God-damnit!
THE END
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