"STUPID SPOILED WHORE VIDEO PLAYSET"
[South Park Mall, day. Inside, a crowd awaits a special event.
A small stage with "PARIS" writ large in front is set up before
a red curtain. Wendy and Bebe arrive and make heir way to the
Come on, Wendy, we'er gonna miss it.
We're gonna miss what?
Paris Hilton is making an appearance
at the mall.
Who's Paris Hilton?
"Who's Paris Hilton?"
You don't know?
Hello, everyone! The Guess Clothing
Company is pleased to have as its new
spokesperson model, a woman all you
young ones can look up to, Ms. Paris
Wow, that's really her! Paris! Over
I don't get it. What does she do?
...but what does she do?
She's totally spoiled and savvy.
What does she do?!
She's a whore.
Hey everyone. Sorry if I'm a little
spent. I did a whole lot of partying
last night with a LOT of different guys.
Anyway, I'm pleased to be here in Douth
Dark to announce the opening of my brand
new store! A store where girls can buy
everything they need to be just like
me! Stupid Spoiled Whore! Have fun,
girls. And remember to party, and be
super-lame to everybody. Bye! Give
me that! Fucking Christ I need a drink!
Where's my dog?!
[Stupid Spoiled Whore, inside. The girls rush in as the doors
open and begin to mill around. Bebe leads Red, Jordan and Wendy
around. Wendy's still stunned.]
Wow, look at all this great stuff. Stupid
Spoiled Whore clothes, Stupid Spoiled
Hey, check it out: the new Paris Hilton
Oh yeah, let's get lots of that!
You guys, don't buy this stuff. Why
do you want to be like Paris Hilton?
It's not just Paris: Britney Spears,
Christina Aguilera, Tara Reid, they're
all stupid spoiled whores!
But the idea that we'll be whorish for
money is belittling to our gender!
Wendy, get a clue. The only thing more
important than being rich is being famous!
Wow, you really sound like a dumb slut,
[South Park Mall, parking lot. Paris's chaffeur holds the limosine
door open for her.]
God, get me out of this hick town!
What a bunch of rednecks! Everybody's
so fucking lame. Except for you, my
little Tinkerbell. You love my vewy
much, don't you? How much you wuv me?
I'm gonna dress you up like a bunny,
and then I'm gonna dress you up like
a little princess. You're mine forever!
Whatever! Oh, hey, KC. Oh, another
stupid store opening at some lame cowboy
town. Oh, it's so fucking stupid, this
whole town stinks like cows. I can't
wait to get out of here! Grody! They
have the lamest stores, too. I'm gonna
go to Rome for the weekend, I think.
I dunno, Rome or Tokyo, either way it'll
be totally boring. Stupid. Hagh.
I need to get wasted. I haven't had
a drink in like fourteen minutes. Why
is everybody so stupid anyway? I flashed
all these hicks with my boobs; you should've
seen the look on their faces! Stupid
redneck idiots! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Another dog killed itself!
[A house. Two girls sit at a dining table doing nothing. Wendy
enters and addresses them]
Hey Jessie , hey Kal. Do you guys mind
if I hang out with you? The other girls
are acting really strange.
Sure, Wendy. We were just trying to
think of something to do.
Oh, well, you wanna maybe go to the
Nah, that sounds really dull.
Hey, I know! Let's make a videotape
of us having sex with boys!
I just got the Stupid Spoiled Whore
Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset!
You can make videos that get out on
Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset!
[Jessie and Kal open the box up and prepare the camera]
Show the whole world what a slut you are!
[Kal puts on some makeup as Jessie looks on]
Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset comes
with video camera, night-vision filter,
play money, losable cellphone, and sixteen
hits of exstacy.
Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset!
[night-vision footage of Kal simulating sex is shown]
Let everyone see your coo-oo-ooch!
[The playset box is shown again, then Kal is shown on the cellphone]
I'm pretending to be calling my friends
on the cellphone while my man waits
for more sex!
You're a Stupid Spoiled Whore. Where
are you goin', Wendy?
[The limosine. Paris is crying over the loss of Tinkerbell]
All right, Ms. Hilton, we'll find you
There there now, let's just get you
back home, shall we?
Wait! Wait, stop the car! Stop the
car, you fucking moron! Look at how
cuuute. I want that! I want that!!
Lu lu lu, I've got some apples, Lu
lu lu, you've got some too.
Lu lu lu, let's make some applesauce,
take off our clothes and lu lu lu!
Look at his lwittle puff ball! I'm
gonna feed you, and take care of you,
and call you Mr. Biggles!
My name's Butters.
Driver, put Mr. Biggles in the car.
I want to find a bear costume for him.
Won't he be soo cute dressed up as a
Paris, I believe this is somebody's
I want it!
I don't think you can actually-
I WANT IT! WANT IT!!!
All right, all right, come on- come
on, young man
Wa-I'm, Wa-I'm sorry, ma'am. I'd like
to be your boyfriend and all, uh even
though you have kind of a big nose,
but my parents told me, "never get into
a car with a stranger."
Well did they say anything about limosines?
Butters, never get into a car with a
stranger! Unless it's a limosine.
Oh.Yeah, actually, they did say that'd
be all right.
Get in the limo, Mr. Biggles! We're
gonna have a bear costume made for you!
[Wendy's house, night. Her parents are watchng TV and munching
on chips on the sofa. She enters with her head down]
And now, back to The Price is Right!
Hi, sweetie. What's the matter.
Mom, Dad, I'm growing concerned about
the role models young women have in
It seems that lewdness and shallowness
are being exalted, while intellectualism
is looked down upon.
I think young women are being marketed
to by corrupt, moral-less corporations.
Well, we'll get right on fixing that,
sweetie. Wanna watch The Price is Right?
Dad, there's a new store at the mall
called "Stupid Spoiled Whore" and I'm
gonna go there and buy a thong!
What?! No daughter of mine is going
to dress like a whore! We're marching
down to that store right now, young
[Stupid Spoiled Whore, moments later. Wendy and her dad enter
the store. He looks around]
Oh my God! Well this place is-! Oh my
God! Mrs. Polk, you're buying this
stuff for your daughter?!
It's what's in right now. I, I can't
have my little girl be the only one
not in a trend; she'll be unpopular.
Unpopular?! If she's not a whore?!
But these are our girls!
I think it's empowering for them. I
mean, sure, if a man wants to be a whore,
it's "normal," but if a woman wants
to be one, it's "WRONG."
But, when a man pees standing up, it's
"normal," but when a woman does it,
Yeah, like, when men shave their balls
it's fine, but when a woman does it
Yeah! Right! It isn't fair!
TEEN GIRL 1
All the girls in South Park are gonna
be total sluts from now on, so you can
just get used to it.
TEEN GIRL 2
Yeah. Will you buy me that purse I
want over there? I'll do anything, 'cause
I'm a whore.
Oh, uh uh sure I, I can buy a purse.
Nope. Wendy, I think they're right.
You see, you have to believe in the
rights of women. For too long they've
had to live a double standard. Oh yeah.
I'm sorry I've been so chauvinistic,
Wendy. From now on you can have whatever
you want from this store, I'll help
make you the stupidest, most spoiled
whore of them all!
[The Stotch house, day.]
Butters, will you mind telling us why
you're dressed up like a bear?!
Oh, well, uh, my sort-of-girlfriend
dressed me up like this.
There you are, Mr. Biggles! Aw I thought
I'd lost you! Promise you'll never
Butters? You're dating Paris Hilton?
You are grounded, mister!
Uh, sweetheart, isn't Paris Hilton
worth a lot of money?
Chris, she's more than twice Butters'
Yes, and more than three billion times
his net worth. Everybody adores that
girl, darling. We should be nice to
her too, especially if she's in love
with our son!
Uhm, Paris, would you like to have some
cocoa with us?
With schnapps and Scotch.
[The dining table. The four persons are seated around it drinking
cocoa, with Paris having a bottle of Scotch alongside the cocoa]
So, Paris, I understand you're from
the prestigious Hilton family. Very
I've gotta get outta here. This place
is stupid. Where am I? Oh, I wanna take
Mr. Biggles with me.
With you where?
To live with me forever and ever, you
dumb broad. How much?
How much? For Butters?
Butters is our son. He's not for sale.
I'll give you two hundred million dollars
I said I'll give you two hundred million
dollars for it! I'll write you a check
for Mr. Biggles right now.
Chris, is she serious?
Aj, Butters, why don't you take Paris
up to your room for a little while,
uh, Mommy and Daddy have to talk.
Mom, Dad, I I love you. Please don't
sell me to Paris Hilton.
Butters, right now!!
[the living room, moments later. Chris paces the floor as Linda
We aren't honestly considering this?
Darling, Paris is a billionaire. She
can give Butters everything he wants.
We'd be terrible parents NOT to consider
But he's our son!
I know, darling, but look: we have to
think about the rest of the family.
The rest of the f- you do mean us?
Yes, us, the rest of the family.
[Upstairs, in Butters' room. The bed looks nice. Paris is now
drunk from the Scotch she added to her cocoa.]
What should we do, Mr. Biggles? I drank
too much. Oh my God, I'm so wasted!
The room's all spinny. I'm... totally
[South Park Elementary. The class bell rings and kids clear the
hall. Cartman is at his locker, and near him stand five girls.
Wendy walks up to them]
Hey Bebe. I heard you were having a
You wouldn't be interested, Wendy. My
parents are out of town, so it's a Stupid
Spoiled Whore party.
I'm a stupid spoiled whore.
Right. Please, Wendy, you're like Class
President and stuff!
Yeah, and you get straight A's in school!
You're not even spoiled, because your
parents give money to charity!
You don't want to go to this party,
Wendy! We're inviting all the boys,
and we're gonna play Spin the Bottle,
and Two Minutes In The Closet, and do
Oh, please, do you even know what ketsmine
See? You are too smart.
Yeah. We have no idea what ketamine
Sorry Wendy. You're just not a whore.
Hey, we'd better start invitng boys
to the party.
Oooo look, here comes Clyde.
Party at my house tonight, Clyde. You're
Mmm, I'd like a piece of that!
I wanna do him.
Oh, yeah. Here comes Kyle.
Mmm, talk to me, kosher boy.
I'd like to swivel his pixie stick.
Party at my house tonight, Kyle.
Tweek and Jason - that'd be a great
Yeah, they're invited too.
Jason has a huge bulge. You're gonna
get it, boys.
Now here's what I'm talking about.
A little midngith blue!
Yeah, I'd like to wax his crankshaft!
Be at Bebe's house, tonight, at seven!
Look, here comes Kevin.
Hey Kevin, party at my house.
I'd like to gargle his marbles.
Yeah, you said it.
See you there, Kev.
"Dude, there's Cartman. We should invite
him to the party for sure." Fuck you
Millie, fuck you Annie, fuck you Bebe,
fuck you whatever your name is, and
fuck you, bitch!
[Butters' room. He's gotten interested in Paris' genitals, poking
at her coochie]
Huh. Didn't I... Whoa, that's the darnedest
thing I ever saw.
Ms. Hilton? Uh, Ms. Hilton.
Eugh. Where am I? Ew! This room's all
middle-class and small!
Ms. Hilton, we've talked it over all
night and ...while your offer is enticing,
I'm afraid we just can't sell you our
son for two hundred million dollars.
It'll have to be two hundred and fifty
million, cash, up front.
Yay Mr. Biggles, you're mine forever!
Please! Ah I don't want to live with
her! She snores real bad, and she has
a huge nose, and a squishy thing that
lives in her pants! Please! Please don't
sell me to her!
All right, Butters, tell you what: if
you can raise the two hundred and fifty
million dollars yourself, you can stay.
Uh, well huh, how am I supposed to make
that kind of money??
It's called "working" young man! Your
grandfather was a coal miner for fifty
years; he never complained! Get out
there and start digging!
Y-yes sir! I-I gotta... mine some coal...
That should keep him busy for a while
while we get this transaction finished.
Now, Ms. Hilton, how should we start?
[Bebe's house, night. The living room is all decked out in disco
furnishings. A disco ball hangs from the ceiling and harmless
laser beams shoot here and there. The girls are enjoying themselves
while the boys have mixed expressions.]
Okay, that's two minutes. You can come
out, Clyde, Bab. How was he, Bab?
We had a great time, didn't we Clyde?
Aaaaah, owieeee, owieeee.
Oh, hey, What's goin' on? I'm uh, here
for the party.
Yeah? Who invited you?
Oh uh uh Kelly. Kelly invited me.
Kelly Rutherford Menskin.
Kelly Rutherford Menskin?
Did you invite him?
Oh wait wait wait, aah it wasn't her.
That's right, I forgot, it was uh...
Kelly Pinkerton Tinfurter
Kelly Pinkerton Tinfurter?
[Mr. Garrison's house, night. The doorbell rings and he goes
to answer it. It's raining outside and thunderclaps roll soft
Oh, hello Wendy. Are you all right?
No, I need help.
From from me?
Actually, I was hoping to see your boyfriend.
Well sure, come on in. Mr. Slave is
right over here.
Oooooooooooh! Oh Jezuth, Jezuth Christh!
Mr. Slave, little Wendy from class wants
to see you.
Oh, hi Wendy. You need a little help
with your math homework?
Nno, I need help becoming a dirty whore
...Oh dear. Mr. Slave, I think you and
Wendy better have a little talk. I'll
make some cocoa.
[The sofa, moments later. Wendy and Mr. Slave sit side by side.]
Mr. Slave, you're the most perverted,
lewd, depraved slut I know.
Thank you sweetie.
Can you teach me your secret fast?
Honey, I didn't work to become a whore,
I was born a whore. I've been one...
ever since I can remember. Ever since
I was a little boy I seemed to enjoy...
Mommy, I think I have a fever. Can you
take my temperature? Oooo, Jezuth Christh.
As I got older, I felt that one boy
was never enough.
Hey, there's that queer kid. Let's
Hey yeah, tackle the queer kid! We'll
show you, queer!
Oooooooooooh! Oooooooooooh! Jezuth Christh!
So you see, I can't make you into a
whore, Wendy. But why would you want
to be one anyway?
Because all the other girls are. They're
having a huge sex party right now and
I'm not invited.
A what?? For God's sake, where??
[Butters' house, outside. Butters is at the side of the house
shoveling dirt from a mound]
You work eighteen hours and what do
you get? Parents sell ya to Paris Hilton.
Look at that. A bear, mining for coal.
Well. I never.
Well Butters, how'd it go? Did you dig
up two hundred million dollars' worth
Well, no, not quite.
Oh, well, too bad. Ms. Hilton did raise
the money, so you'll be going off with
Well ah, shucks!
Bye, sweetie, we love you!
[Inside the limo, Paris gets her camera and aims...]
Smile Mr. Biggles! This time I have
to get a picture of my new pet BEFORE
Before what happens?
[The shots are gruesome. First up is Tinkerbell, with the gun
and blood splattered all over the place; then Patches, a French
poodle that hung itself, shown dangling from the noose; then
Scrambles, a dog that somehow managed to slit its front paws,
lying in a bathtub full of water and blood; then Cuddles, a dog
that committed hara kiri] AAAAAAAAAAAH! [throws the book away
and gets out of the limo as fast as he could and runs away.]
Mr. Biggles! Mr. Biggles, come back!
You'd better help me find him! No Mr.
Biggles, no money!
Oh that troublemaking son of ours! Butters!
Butters, you get back here or you are
[Bebe's house, night. The party is still going strong. One Kelly,
who had earlier been with Token, is chasing Kyle. Red is coming
on to Stan. Annie chases Kenny down and catches him. In general,
the guys are being chased down by the girls. Millie chases Tweek.
Mr. Slave kicks the front door open and enters with Wendy. Cartman
appears behind then and enters.]
Oh Jezuth! Kids, kids!
Ew, potty mouth!
Shut off the light.
Oh, thank God.
Girls, what on earth are you doing?
We're being stupid spoiled whores.
H-help! You've gotta hide me! Uh don't
tell her I'm in here!
What did you do, Wendy?! Go rat on us
because you're not invited to our Paris
Okay, I think this has all gone far
enough! Now look, the last person you
want to be like is Paris Hilton!
Paris Hilton is a nobody! She may have
money, but she's a thoughtless, talentless
Who the fuck are you calling a lowlife?!
Wow, Paris Hilton is at my party! I
Hon, will you just tell these girls
that being a whore isn't such a great
What isn't great about it? What's more
to life than partying?
Look girls, I've partied a lot. Okay?
And I'm telling you, there's more to
You don't even know what partying is,
Sweetie, really, don't go there, okay?
Oh I went there. I went there, took
some pictures, and flew back already.
Wow, what a bitch.
Sweetie, listen, I know you've done
some partying in your private little
rich life, but you don't even wanna
know the kind of stuff I've done. I'm
the real whore, and I'm telling you,
it isn't great.
Oh yeah?! I challenge you to a whore-off!
[South Park's Whore-off. A gazebo is set up for the event in
South Park Square. A crowd gathers]
Ahh testing? Hello? Okay uh, welcome
everyone. Uhh the South Park Chamber
of Commerce is pleased to bring you
the first annual "Who Is The Biggest
Mr. Slave has no idea what he's in for.
Paris is gonna rock his world.
Ahhh I'm... not quite sure how we...
start this competition off, but uh-
I'll show ya how we start it off.
What is Mr. Slave doing? He he's just
Give him time, Wendy. Give him time.
Come on, Mr. Slave.
Back off! None of you losers are enough
for me! Eeeaaagh. Oh yeah. Aaaargh.
Oh no she di'int.
Jezuth. Ohoho, Jezuth.
Now, that's a whore!
Wow, I guess Paris isn't such hot shit
People, don't applaud me. I'm a dirty
whore. Being spoiled and stupid and
whorish is supposed to be a bad thing,
remember? Parents, if you don't teach
your children that people like Paris
Hilton are supposed to be despised,
where are they gonna learn it? You have
to be the- ooohooho, Jezuth Christh.
You have to be the ones to make sure
your daughters aren't looking up to
the wrong people.
The homosexual is right. From now on,
Bebe, you're going to dress like a little
Wendy, we're sorry we called you names.
Like not-stupid and not-spoiled.
Yeah, and I didn't mean to say you weren't
That's okay, you guys.
So- so that's it? No two hundred million
dollars? Well, Butters, I hope you're
I'm a bad bear. I'm a very bad old
You're grounded, old bear.
[Deep within Mr. Slave's intestine, Paris is trying to claw her
Oh my God, it's so gross! Let me out
of here! What the fuck is that?
Paris, you must find the way out of
this place or you'll surely die.
Make your way to the small intestine.
There you will meet the Sparrow Prince,
who can guide you to Catatafish. Now
go, Paris Hilton. Make haste!
A great adventure is waiting for you ahead.
Hurry onward Paris Hilton or you will soon be dead.
The road ahead is filled with danger and fright
But push onward, Paris Hilton, with all of your might.
Paris Hilton... Paris Hilton Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton... Paris Hilton Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton... Paris Hilton Paris Hilton
Stupid whore! ]