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                                     "SOUTH PARK"

                                      Episode 614

                           "THE DEATH CAMP OF TOLERANCE"

                                      Written by 

                                     Trey Parker

               [Principal Victoria's office, day. Her door opens.]

                                     MR. GARRISON
                          You wanted to see me, Principal Victoria?
                                     PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
                         Yes, Mr. Garrison. Have a seat.  Mr. 
                         Garrison, sometime ago you asked to 
                         be promoted from teachng kindergarten 
                         back to the third grade.
                                     MR. GARRISON
                          I'm aware of that.

                                     PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
                         I wanna come clean with you and tell 
                         you that back then some of us were uncomfortable 
                         with your sexual preferences. It was 
                         wrong of us, and I want to make it up 
                         to you.
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Wow, that's... really great to hear.
                                     PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
                         As you know, the position of Fourth 
                         Grade teacher has become available, 
                         and we'd like to offer YOU the job.
                                     MR. GARRISON
                          Oh, for real? You're not kidding?
                                     PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
                         We in administration see now that you 
                         are an individual with your own preferences, 
                         and we respect that.
                                     MR. GARRISON
                          Hoh, this is all just... this is a 
                         dream come true!  Thank you, Principal 
                         Victoria! I'll do a great jub!
                                     PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
                         I know you will. 

                                     MR. GARRISON
                          You're sure this is for real? I mean, 
                         I'm not gonna just get fired again for 
                         being gay tomorrow.
                                     PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
                          It's for real, Mr. Garrison.

                                     MR. GARRISON
                          Oh-ho, great!

                                     PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
                         With all the new laws we could never 
                         fire you for being gay now. You'd be 
                         able to sue us for millions of dollars.
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Right uh-  Wha- ...what was that?

                                     PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
                         Well, I was just saying that the policies 
                         have really changed. You know, we fire 
                         you for acting gay next time, you'd 
                         be able to sue the school district for 
                         ...lots of money.
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         ...Oh right, right, right, I... Huh-... 
                         how much money, exactly?
                                     PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
                          Oh. Well, there was the case out in 
                         Minnesota where the guy was awarded... 
                         25 million, I think.
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Yeh-you don't say.  Well thanks, uh, 
                         Principal Victoria.  Holy Moley! I've 
                         gotta find a way to get fired for being 
               [South Park Elementary]

                                     COUNSELOR MACKEY
                         M'kay kids, I know the past few weeks 
                         have been really hard with the death 
                         of your teacher, Ms. Choksondik. 

                                     COUNSELOR MACKEY
                         BUT... the principal has finally hired 
                         a teacher to take her place. So I want 
                         you all to give your best behavior to 
                         your new Fourth Grade teacher, Mr. Garrison. 

                         Not him!

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Thank you, Mr. Mackey.

                                     COUNSELOR MACKEY
                          Good luck, m'kay.

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Okay, children, now for those of you 
                         whoare new, my name is  Mr. Garrison.
                         Where is Mr. Hat, sir?

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Well, I was informed that fourth graders 
                         are a little too old for Mr. Hat.
                          Two-year-olds are too old for Mr. Hat.
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         But it's okay because I found a new 
                         teacher's assistant. Say hello to... 
                          Mr. Slave. 
                                     MR. SLAVE
                          Hi kids. Hm.

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         So that's  Mr. Slave.  The teacher's 
                         assitant.  Or, as I like to write for 
                         short, the Teacher's Ass.
                                     MR. SLAVE
                          Oh Jesus Christ.

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Okay, Mr. Slave. Go sit until I need 
                                     MR. SLAVE

                          Dude, I think that Mr. Slave guy might 
                         by a...  Pakistani.
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         I'm not saying the rest of the school 
                         year will be easy. In fact, it's going 
                         to be long and hard.  Really long and 
                         really hard. 
                                     MR. SLAVE
                          Oh Jesus Christ.

                                     MR. GARRISON
                          Eheh, the first thing we're gonna be 
                         learning about is communist Russia. 
                          No, Kenny. What are you doing, Kenny?
                                     MR. GARRISON
                          Now, Stalin was a big silly when it 
                         came to...
                          Kenny, no! Don't do it, Kenny! 

                                     MR. GARRISON
                          Eric, did you just throw a paper airplane?!
                         No, it was Kenny!

                                     MR. GARRISON
                          Very funny, Eric! Kenny's dead!

                          Yeah, but Cartman drank Kenny's remains, 
                         and now Kenny's soul is trapped in Cartman's 
                                     THE OTHER KIDS

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         That does it! I will not put up with 
                         foolishness in my class! It's time for 
                         punishmenmt!  Take it Mr. Slave! 
                                     MR. SLAVE
                          Oh-oh. Oh it hurts.

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         I will  NOT put up with  TOMfoolery 
                         in my  CLASSroom, children.  Mr. Slave, 
                         put this rubber ball in your mouth. 
                          Take that, Slavey! take it!  This'll 
                         get me fired for sure. 
               [The Marsh house, afternoon. The Tweeks, the Stotches, the Marshes, 
               the Broflovskis, and Liane are present in the living room, seated 
               around the coffee table.]
                                     KYLE'S FATHER
                         I really enjoyed the imagery in the 
                         last chapter of this month's book.
                         Yes, and I really saw the entire book 
                         thematically as a take on corporate 
                         Well I think in the fourth chapter, 
                         when uh Nancy Drew discovers the bloody 
                         glove in the cheerleader's locker, well 
                         that uh that was just a brilliantly 
                         written passage. 
                                     KYLE'S FATHER
                         So full of metaphor.

                         Hey guys, can we talk to you? 

                                     KYLE'S MOTHER
                         Oh, hi boys.

                         How was school?

                         Uhh, not cool.

                                     KYLE'S MOTHER
                         That's great. We're having our book 
                         of the month club meeting, so why don't 
                         you boys go outside and play?
                         Was it me, or did you all think that 
                         Nancy Drew solved the riddle of Elephant 
                         Mountain a little too easily? 
                         No, no, he said not cool. We got our 
                         new teacher today; it's, it's Mr. Garrison, 
                         our old third grade teacher.
                         Uh huh.

                         Well, he has this new teacher's assistant, 
                         and uh and they're both... totally gay.
                                     KYLE'S MOTHER
                         Kyle! You know better than to discriminate 
                         against homosexuals!
                         Yeah but, these guys are really super-gay.
                          Aw I'm surprised at you, Stanley. I 
                         really thought you knew how to accept 
                         people for what they were.
                         Yeah, but Dad-

                         No buts, Stanley! We're not raising 
                         our kids to be discriminators!
                                     KYLE'S MOTHER
                         That's right! I think it's time you 
                         kids took a little trip to the Museum 
                         of Tolerance! 
               [Museum of Tolerance, next day. A really modern building with 
               a fountain by the entrance. The five boys and their parents arrive 
               at the museum]
                                     TOUR GUIDE
                          Welcome to the Museum of Tolerance. 
                         Here we try to educate you on the dynamics 
                         of racism and prejudice in America. 

                                     TOUR GUIDE
                          Now, did you know that words we use 
                         can show intolerance?  Let's begin our 
                         tour with a walk through our Tunnel 
                         of Prejudice, to show you what it can 
                         feel like to be discriminated against. 
                          QUEER. BEANER. CHINK. NIGGER. HEEB. 
                         FAGGOT. CRACKER. SLOPE. 
                         Aw man, this is awesome! 

                                     TOUR GUIDE
                          Now you know how it feels.

                          I wanna ride again! I wanna ride again!
                                     TOUR GUIDE
                          We are now entering the Hall of Stereotypes. 
                         These wax figures represent how some 
                         intolerant people have labled minorities. 
                          Here we see a black person eating chicken 
                         and watermelon, a stereotype that hurts 
                         the African-American community. What 
                         other stereotypes do you see here? 
                          Ah, here's the Arab as a terrorist. 
                                     TOUR GUIDE
                         That's right. But of course, we know 
                         that all Arabs are terrorirsts, don 
                         we, kids?
                          W-w-well there's an Asian over there 
                         with a calculator. 
                                     TOUR GUIDE
                         That's right. Not all stereotypes are 
                         negative. But even a positive one like 
                         "All Asians are good at math" is harmful 
                         to society.
                          Look, a covetous Jew!

                                     TOUR GUIDE
                          Very good, young man. The idea that 
                         Jews are only interested in money is 
                         very old indeed.
                          Ah, here's a good one.  It's the stereotypical 
                         "sleepy Mexican." 
                          Wai-what? Oh man, what time is it? 
                          Oh I'm sorry. I thought you were a 
                         wax sculpture.
                         Naw, man. I'm the janitor. I'm s'pose 
                         to be cleaning but I'm so tire. Ongh, 
                         so sleepy. 
                                     TOUR GUIDE
                          This is our discovery wing. Take your 
                         time at the computer displays , because 
                         you see, being tolerant you must also 
                         respect people who are small, people 
                         who are disabled, even people who are 
                         overweight,  like this young man here.

                                     TOUR GUIDE
                         You other boys have probably called 
                         this young man names like "tubby," or 
                         "lardbutt," or "fat tits,"...
                         "Fat tits." That's a good one.

                         Yeah, I have to remember that.

                                     TOUR GUIDE
                         But you must learn to be tolerant of 
                         his differences as well. If he chooses 
                         to eat fatty foods, that's his life 
                          I'm not fat, I have a different life 
                                     TOUR GUIDE
                         And we won't belittle you for eating 
                         lots of cookies and cakes and pies.
                         Duhuhude, tolerance kicks ass! 

                         That's our Cartman. 

               [Museum of Tolerance, outside.]

                                     TOUR GUIDE
                         Well, that's the end of our tour.

                         Now do you see why tolerance is so important, 
                         I guess.

                                     TOUR GUIDE
                         We have to accept people for who they 
                         are and what they like to do.  Hey! 
                         What the hell are you doing? 
                         Oh I was just uh-

                                     TOUR GUIDE
                         There's no smoking in the museum!

                         But I'm not in the museum.

                                     TOUR GUIDE
                         Get out of here, you filthy smoker! 
                                     KYLE'S FATHER
                         Yeah, dirty lungs!

                         Go ahead and kill yourself, stupid tar-breath!

                         Get out of here! 

                                     TOUR GUIDE
                         Well, have a great day, everybody.
                         Now you boys can go and give your teacher 
                         and assistant the respect they deserve. 
                                     THE BOYS

               [South Park Elementary, day, Garrison's class. Mr. Garrison enters, 
               having previously set up a chemistry experiment on the teacher's 
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Okay, children, let's take our seats. 
                         Uh, apparently, none of you tried to 
                         get me fired yesterday, so I guess we're 
                         just gonna have to go on and learn more 
                         today.  Now who can tells me what happens 
                         to water when we heat it up in the Bunsen 
                         It evaporates.

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Good, Butters. Now if we take the glass 
                         tube of the Bunsen burner, we can also 
                         see how other things react.  Evaporation 
                         is an exothermic reaction, so let's 
                         look at an endothermic one. Mr. Slave, 
                         position 7 please.  Now I'm gonna put 
                         the glass tube under Mr. Slave's tight 
                         ass.  The heat from Mr. Slave's ass 
                         will act as our new conductor of energy
                                     MR. SLAVE

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Okay, now Butters, could you bring over 
                         Lemmiwinks for me please?

                          Oh, no, noo, no no no no.

                                     MR. GARRISON
                          Newton was the first to discover that 
                         for every action there's a reaction 
                         - thank you Butters. Now what do you 
                         think is gonna happen when I introduce 
                         the element of the gerbil to the endothermic 
                         heat of Mr. Slave's ass?  Well let's 
                                     MR. SLAVE
                         AAH.  AAH.  Dude! Jesus Christ! AAH!
                          Lemmiwinks? NO!

               [South Park Elementary, lunch time. The kids go for their lunches]
                         Hello there, children!

                                     THE BOYS
                         Hey Chef.

                         How's it goin'?


                         Why bad?

                         Chef, we're intolerant. 

                         ...Intolerant of who?

                         Gays, I guess.

                         Now why do you wanna go be intolerant 
                         of gay people, children?  I thought 
                         you knew better.
                         Well we didn't think we were, but Mr. 
                         Garrison has this new assistant, and 
                         we're really uncomfortable around him.
                         Children, a lot of times the reason 
                         get uncomfortable around gay people 
                         is that they have some issues themselves. 
                         You have to ask yourself, "What is it 
                         about their behavior that, for some 
                         reason, makes me unconfortable?"
                         Well, I guess it's mostly the way Mr. 
                         Garrison stuck a gerbil up Mr. Slave's 
                         Right. And you see, children, that's 
                         why you need to- Whoa! What?!
                         Are we homophobes now?

                         We don't wanna be gaybashers, Chef.
                         Children, there's a BIG difference between 
                         gay people and Mr. Garrison! Do you 
                         understand that??

                         You children just take your lunches. 
                         I'm gonna have a talk with the principal.
                         I'll take three lunches today, please.
                         You don't need three lunches, Eric! 
                         You're fat enough as it is!
                         It is my life choice, Chef, and if you 
                         don't tolerate it I'll report you to 
                         the SEC. 
               [Fourth Grade classroom. The chemistry equipment has been cleared 
               away from the teacher's desk. Mr. Garrison and Mr. Slave are 
               in the classroom]
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         That was a brilliant idea, having me 
                         put a gerbil up your ass, Mr. Slave. 
                          Now we'll get fired for sure!
                                     MR. SLAVE
                          Well it wasn't the first small animal 
                         I put up my ass.
                                     PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
                          Mr. Garrison to the principal's office, 
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         That's it! They're gonna fire me for 
                         being gay! Twenty-five million here 
                         we cooome. 
                                     MR. SLAVE
                         Don't forget, I get half. Oooooh!  Oooooh, 
                         Jesus Christ. 
                                     FROG KING
                         Lemmiwinks, you must find a way out 
                         of this place, or you will surely die. 
                          This way has been closed off by the 
                         Great Sphincter. To escape you must 
                         journey upward to the dark reaches of 
                         the intestine and past the stomach. 
                          Who am I? Just a friend. Heed my words, 
                         Lemmiwinks. Your time is running out. 
                         Make for the large intestine. All will 
                         be made clear then. 
                         A great adventure is waiting for you 
               Hurry onward, Lemmiwinks, or you will soon be dead.

               The journy before you may be long and filled with woe

               But you must escape the gay man's ass so your tale can be told.
               Lemmiwinks. Lehehemiwinks Lemmiwinks Lemmiwinks-

               [The principal's office, a few moments later. Mr. Garrison hums 
               as he nears the office door. He enters and stands beside an angry 
               Chef, who has crossed his arms.]
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         You wanted to see me, Principal Victoria?
                                     PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
                         Oh yes, uh, Mr. Garrison, have a seat
                                     MR. GARRISON
                          Oh dear, sounds like I'm gettin' fired. 
                                     PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
                         Mr. Garrison, Chef has brought it to 
                         my attention that some uh students are 
                         a bit... uuuncomfortable about certain 
                         aspects of your teaching meathods.
                                     MR. GARRISON
                          Oh no, you're firing me? Oh well, I 
                         can't stop being who I am. I can't help 
                         the way God made me. Guess I just have 
                         to go.
                                     PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
                         Nonono we're not firing you.

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         ...You're not?

                                     PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
                         No, we're sending Chef to a tolerance 
                          Sending Chef to a tolerance seminar?! 
                         You've got to be fuckin' crazy!!
                                     PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
                         You demostrate a lack of tolerance for 
                         Mr. Garrison's behavior. In fact, I 
                         believe you used the words "sick queer" 
                         to describe his conduct in class?
                         He IS a sick queer!!

                                     MR. GARRISON

                                     PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
                         I just wanted to give you an opportunity 
                         to apologize to Mr. Garrison before 
                         I send you away, Chef.
                         Kiss my black ass!! 

               [South Park Elenentary, Counselor Mackey's office]

                                     COUNSELOR MACKEY
                         Parents, I had to call you in here because 
                         your boys have refused to attend class 
                         with their homosexual teachers, m'kay?
                         We're not staying in class another minute 
                         with those queermos!
                         Well I really thought you boys really 
                         learned something in the Museum of Tolerance, 
                         but apparently all you learned was new 
                         words to call your poor teachers!
                          But they killed Lemmiwinks!

                         Shut your mouth, Butters! You'll speak 
                         when spoken to!
                         Yes sir.

                         Mr. Mackey, we've done everything we 
                         can to raise compassionate children. 
                         We don't know where else to turn.
                                     COUNSELOR MACKEY
                         Well there is an intensive seminar camp. 
                         It's a bit severe, but it might be the 
                         only way. M'kay?
                         That sounds good to me.

                         Mee too.

                                     KYLE'S MOTHER
                         Then it's settled. Boys, you're going 
                         to tolerance camp.
                         Tolerance camp?

               [Devitzen's Tolerance Camp, black-and-white footage, day. A truck 
               pulls up to the entrance and two guards open the gates. Beyond, 
               kids mill around under the watchful eyes of other guards. A few 
               moments later a guard paces in front of a crowd of kids.]
                                     CAMP WARDEN
                          Welcome to tolerance camp. You are 
                         here because you would not accept people's 
                         differences.  Because you refuse to 
                         accept the life choices of your fellow 
                         man. Well those days are now over. Here 
                         you vill verk, every hour of every day 
                         until you submit to being tolerant of 
                         everybody. Here, intolerance... will 
                         not be tolerated.
               [South Park Elementary, Garrison's classroom. Mr. Slave is reading 
               his magazine. A few moments later Mr. Garrison storms into the 
               room and slams the door shut]
                                     MR. GARRISON

                                     MR. SLAVE
                         How'd it go?

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         This is unbelievable, Mr. Slave! It 
                         seems no matter what I do I can't get 
                                     MR. SLAVE
                         The principal didn't fire you?

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         No! The parents felt so bad that their 
                         kids didn't want to attend my class 
                         anymore that they wanna give me the 
                         Courageous Teacher award this Friday 
                         at the Museum of Tolerance!
                                     MR. SLAVE
                         Oh, Jesus Christ.

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         I mean, I stuck a gerbil up your ass 
                         and they wanna give me a Goddamn medal!
                                     MR. SLAVE
                         Well it sounds to me like the principal's 
                         just hiding things from everybody. What 
                         you need to do is let the parents see 
                         what kind of demented faggot you are.
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Oh well-  Hey, that's right, Mr. Slave. 
                          The parents have to see for themselves. 
                          The awards ceremony! Well we'll put 
                         on a show they'll never forget!
                                     MR. SLAVE
                         Oohoohoohoo, Jesus Christ. 

                         Lemmiwinks journeyed a distance far 
                         and fast.
               To find his way out of a gay man's ass.

               The road ahead is filled with danger and fright

               But push onward, Lemmiwinks, with all of your might.

                                     FROG KING
                          Lemmiwinks, you are coming to the entrance 
                         of the small intestine. Now you must 
                         seek out the Sparrow Prince. 
                         The Sparrow Prince lies somewhere way 
                         up ahead.
               Don't look back, Lemmiwinks, or you'll soon be dead.

               Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks, the time is growing late

               Slow down now and seal your fate.

                                     SPARROW PRINCE
                         I am the Sparrow Prince. Long has my 
                         spirit been trapped within this place. 
                         Before you lies the maze of the small 
                         intestine. One path leads to the stomach, 
                         the other to certain doom. Take with 
                         you this helmet and torch.  Let them 
                         be your guide. 
                         Take the magic helmet torch to help 
                         you light the way.
               There's still a lot of ground to cross inside the man so gay.
               Ahead you lies adventure, and your strength still lies within.
               Freedom from the Ass of Doom is the treasure you will win.

               [Devitzen's Tolerance Camp, black-and-white footage, day. The 
               kids are in a large room the size of an airport hangar. All of 
               them have been doing arts and crafts, as they are dirty with 
               crayons and paint. Each column of tables is being patroled by 
               a guard.]
                                     CAMP WARDEN
                         Today we wll be using the fingerpaint! 
                         You vill make a painting that shows 
                         people of different races and sexual 
                         orientations getting along. Figerpaint. 
                         Figerpaint!  You vill not make any distinction 
                         between people of different colors! 
                         People with different sexual preferences! 
                         You vill accept everyone!  What are 
                         you fingerpainting?!
                         Uh, a bear?

                                     CAMP WARDEN
                         Ein bear?! Und bear has nothing to do 
                         with accepting people of different races!
                          Eh I, I don't know what else to paint.
                                     CAMP WARDEN
                          Start over!  You will fingerpaint what 
                         we tell you!  GO!  Faster.  Faster! 

                                     CAMP WARDEN
                         Faster! Are you done?! What is it?! 
                         What have you done?! 
                          People of all colors and creeds holding 
                         hands beneath a rainbow!
                                     CAMP WARDEN
                         GOOD!  That wasn't so hard, was it? 
                          NOW DO IT AGAIN!  Faster!  Faasterr!
               [South Park Elementary, Garrison's classroom. Mr. Garrison talks 
               to Mr. Slave. There are no kids in class, as they've all gone 
               to tolerance camp, apparently]
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         There! I've done it, Mr. Slave. The 
                         perfect plan to get us fired. You finished 
                         your costume design yet?
                                     MR. SLAVE
                          Almost. I jast have to get through 
                         a su-  Uh-huc, Jesus Christ.
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         What's the matter?

                                     MR. SLAVE
                         Mm, Just a bit of an upset stomach, 
                         I guess.
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Well here, take a Pepto pill. I can't 
                         have my teacher's ass under the weather. 
                                     MR. SLAVE
                         Eugh, Jesus Christ. 

                         Lemmiwinks came to the stomach far.
               'Neath the depths of the lungs and heart.

                                     A CATFISH
                         You chose your path wisely, Lemmiwinks. 
                         I am the Catatafish.
                         Catatafish of the stomach's cove.

                         If you answer this riddle, the esophagus 
                         will let you pass.
                         Catatafish riddle will soom be told.
               [Devitzen's Tolerance Camp, black-and-white footage, day. The 
               kids are now in a different room quietly making macaroni pictures 
               on the floor, but they are all fatigued. The guard walks up to 
               a soldier on a catwalk and talks with him.]
                                     CAMP WARDEN
                         Everything in order?

                                     CAMP SOLDIER
                         Yes, mein Führer. Ve are making the 
                         prisoners make macaroni pictures that 
                         illustrate diversity in the verkplace.
                                     CAMP WARDEN


                         Kyle.  Kyle, you have to keep making 
                         your macaroni pictures.
                          Can't... glue... any... more . 

                         The guards are coming, Kyle. Glue. Glue, 
                         damn you!
                                     CAMP WARDEN
                         Take this one away. He is done for. 

                         No more... arts and crafts...

                         Jesus... we have to get out of here. 
               [Devitzen's Tolerance Camp, black-and-white footage, outside. 
               The kids are at play. Cartman walks over to a Porto-Potty and 
               enters, but stops. He looks down into the toilet and finds two 
               girls there in the septic tank]
                                     GIRL 1
                         Please don't tell them that we're hiding 
                                     GIRL 2
                         We can't work anymore. We'll die.

                                     CAMP SOLDIER
                          Vhat?  Waht?!

                         Oh. Uh, nothing. I was just getting 
                         back to work.
                                     CAMP SOLDIER
                         Vhat is in there?


                                     CAMP SOLDIER
                         Get back to verk.

                          Yes sir!  Phew. 

                                     THE GIRLS
                         Eww! Eww! Eww! 

                          Hey, I was kidding. There's actually 
                         two girls hiding down there. Hey! 
               [Museum of Tolerance, Friday night. The main hall is set up for 
               the awards ceremony and the guests are seated.]
                                     TOUR GUIDE
                         Tonight we are here to honor an amazing 
                         fourth grade teacher with the Courageous 
                         Teacher award.  Herbert Garrison came 
                         out about two years ago. Since then 
                         he has faced adversity. He has even 
                         faced ridicule by some of the students.
                         Oh Randy, I'm so ashamed of our son.
                                     TOUR GUIDE
                         It is my honor to present the Courageous 
                         Teacher award to... Herbert Garrison. 
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Get along, little Slave.

                         Oh my God.

                                     KYLE'S FATHER
                         That's what our boys were talking about?
                                     MR. GARRISON
                          Ding-ding, ding-ding.

                                     MAN 1
                          He is so courageous.

                                     MR. GARRISON
                          Say, Mr. Slave.

                                     MR. SLAVE
                         Yes, Mr. Garrison?

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         I had a dream last night that you were 
                         a real dick.
                                     MR. SLAVE
                         Really? Why would you dream that I was 
                         being an asshole?
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         No no, I was the asshole. 

                                     MAN 2
                          Ogh, that is so courageous.

                                     MAN 3
                          What an amazing human being! 

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Uh, I uh I'm very happy to get this 
                         award. Uh but you know what makes me 
                         even happier? Sucking balls.

                                     MR. GARRISON
                          It isn't working. Sing your song, Mr. 
                                     MR. SLAVE
                         I've got a little- Oof.  Ohoc, Jesus 
                         Christ. What's happening in there?
               [Inside Mr. Slave's stomach at that moment, Lemmiwinks has been 
               put into a gyroscope and is ready to be shot up the esophagus 
               and out the mouth.]
                                     FROG KING
                         Hang on, Lemmiwinks! You solved the 
                         Catatafish's riddle. Now your trials 
                         are nearly through!
               [Outside Mr. Slave's stomach, onstage]

                                     MR. SLAVE
                         Oh! I should have never shoved all those 
                         poor animals up my ass! 
                                     MR. GARRISON

                                     MAN 4

                                     MAN 5
                          So courageous.

                                     MR. GARRISON
                          God-damnit, don't you people get it?! 
                         I'm trying to get fired here! 
                                     MAN 3
                          Oh, that's courageous.

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Look, this kind of behavior should not 
                         be acceptable from a teacher!
                                     MR. SLAVE
                         Yeah, Jesus Christ.

                                     MAN 6
                         But the mu-se-um tells us to be to-le-rant
                                     MAN 3
                          Yes. The mu-se-um.

                                     MAN 7
                          The mu-se-um tells us.

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Tolerant, but not stupid! Look, just 
                         because you have to tolerate something 
                         doesn't mean you have to approve of 
                         it! If you had to like it, it'd be called 
                         the Museum of Acceptance!  "Tolerate" 
                         means you're just putting up with it! 
                         You tolerate a crying child sitting 
                         next to you on the airplane or, or you 
                         tolerate a bad cold. It can still piss 
                         you off! Jesus Tapdancing Christ!
                         He's right. Our boys didn't hate homosexuals, 
                         they just hated the way this asshole 
                         was acting.
                                     KYLE'S FATHER
                         We'ge gotta get our boys back! 

                                     MR. GARRISON
                          Ogh! Okay, so now can I PLEASE get 
                         fired and get my 25 million dollars?!
                                     PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
                         No, no, I think I have a better idea.
               [Devitzen's Tolerance Camp, Saturday, day. The boys' parents 
               are at the front gate. Black-and-white fades into color, and 
               Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Butters are present. They are quite thin, 
               clearly undernourished, and their clothes fit loose on them]
                         We're sorry, boys. Why didn't you tell 
                         us your teachers were acting so over-the-top?
                                     KYLE'S MOTHER
                         Yes. You boys don't know how much we 
                         Come on, let's go. 

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Well this is insane!

                                     PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
                         I'm sorry Mr. Garrison, but it's obvious 
                         you aren't tolerant of your own behavior.
                                     CAMP WARDEN
                          Vhat do we have here? Noo recruits? 
                         I assure you, the next veek will be 
                         nothing but pain and suffering! 
                                     MR. SLAVE
                         Oooo, this could be kind of fun. 

                         Lemmiwinks has made it out and his tale 
                         is nearly through 
                         Great job, Lemmiwinks.

                                     SPARROW PRINCE
                         Thanks to you we are all free.

                                     FROG KING
                          But your adventures are just beginning, 
                         for you are no ordinary gerbil, Lemmiwinks. 
                         You are the Gerbil King. 
                                     THE THREE SPIRITS
                         All hail the Gerbil King. 

               THE END
               Now that you're the Gerbil King there's more ventures to go on
               Fly away to faraway lands and to the setting sun

               There's still so many enemies and battles yet to fight

               For Lemmiwinks the Gerbil King could be told a thousand nights
               Lemmi- Lemmi- Lemmiwinks. Le- Lemmiwiiinks.

               Lehhmiwinks, Lem- Lem- Lemmiwinks

               Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks, Leh-miwinks

               Leh-miwinks, Gerbil King.]

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