"THE DEATH CAMP OF TOLERANCE"
[Principal Victoria's office, day. Her door opens.]
You wanted to see me, Principal Victoria?
Yes, Mr. Garrison. Have a seat. Mr.
Garrison, sometime ago you asked to
be promoted from teachng kindergarten
back to the third grade.
I'm aware of that.
I wanna come clean with you and tell
you that back then some of us were uncomfortable
with your sexual preferences. It was
wrong of us, and I want to make it up
Wow, that's... really great to hear.
As you know, the position of Fourth
Grade teacher has become available,
and we'd like to offer YOU the job.
Oh, for real? You're not kidding?
We in administration see now that you
are an individual with your own preferences,
and we respect that.
Hoh, this is all just... this is a
dream come true! Thank you, Principal
Victoria! I'll do a great jub!
I know you will.
You're sure this is for real? I mean,
I'm not gonna just get fired again for
being gay tomorrow.
It's for real, Mr. Garrison.
With all the new laws we could never
fire you for being gay now. You'd be
able to sue us for millions of dollars.
Right uh- Wha- ...what was that?
Well, I was just saying that the policies
have really changed. You know, we fire
you for acting gay next time, you'd
be able to sue the school district for
...lots of money.
...Oh right, right, right, I... Huh-...
how much money, exactly?
Oh. Well, there was the case out in
Minnesota where the guy was awarded...
25 million, I think.
Yeh-you don't say. Well thanks, uh,
Principal Victoria. Holy Moley! I've
gotta find a way to get fired for being
[South Park Elementary]
M'kay kids, I know the past few weeks
have been really hard with the death
of your teacher, Ms. Choksondik.
BUT... the principal has finally hired
a teacher to take her place. So I want
you all to give your best behavior to
your new Fourth Grade teacher, Mr. Garrison.
Thank you, Mr. Mackey.
Good luck, m'kay.
Okay, children, now for those of you
whoare new, my name is Mr. Garrison.
Where is Mr. Hat, sir?
Well, I was informed that fourth graders
are a little too old for Mr. Hat.
Two-year-olds are too old for Mr. Hat.
But it's okay because I found a new
teacher's assistant. Say hello to...
Hi kids. Hm.
So that's Mr. Slave. The teacher's
assitant. Or, as I like to write for
short, the Teacher's Ass.
Oh Jesus Christ.
Okay, Mr. Slave. Go sit until I need
Dude, I think that Mr. Slave guy might
by a... Pakistani.
I'm not saying the rest of the school
year will be easy. In fact, it's going
to be long and hard. Really long and
Oh Jesus Christ.
Eheh, the first thing we're gonna be
learning about is communist Russia.
No, Kenny. What are you doing, Kenny?
Now, Stalin was a big silly when it
Kenny, no! Don't do it, Kenny!
Eric, did you just throw a paper airplane?!
No, it was Kenny!
Very funny, Eric! Kenny's dead!
Yeah, but Cartman drank Kenny's remains,
and now Kenny's soul is trapped in Cartman's
THE OTHER KIDS
That does it! I will not put up with
foolishness in my class! It's time for
punishmenmt! Take it Mr. Slave!
Oh-oh. Oh it hurts.
I will NOT put up with TOMfoolery
in my CLASSroom, children. Mr. Slave,
put this rubber ball in your mouth.
Take that, Slavey! take it! This'll
get me fired for sure.
[The Marsh house, afternoon. The Tweeks, the Stotches, the Marshes,
the Broflovskis, and Liane are present in the living room, seated
around the coffee table.]
I really enjoyed the imagery in the
last chapter of this month's book.
Yes, and I really saw the entire book
thematically as a take on corporate
Well I think in the fourth chapter,
when uh Nancy Drew discovers the bloody
glove in the cheerleader's locker, well
that uh that was just a brilliantly
So full of metaphor.
Hey guys, can we talk to you?
Oh, hi boys.
How was school?
Uhh, not cool.
That's great. We're having our book
of the month club meeting, so why don't
you boys go outside and play?
Was it me, or did you all think that
Nancy Drew solved the riddle of Elephant
Mountain a little too easily?
No, no, he said not cool. We got our
new teacher today; it's, it's Mr. Garrison,
our old third grade teacher.
Well, he has this new teacher's assistant,
and uh and they're both... totally gay.
Kyle! You know better than to discriminate
Yeah but, these guys are really super-gay.
Aw I'm surprised at you, Stanley. I
really thought you knew how to accept
people for what they were.
Yeah, but Dad-
No buts, Stanley! We're not raising
our kids to be discriminators!
That's right! I think it's time you
kids took a little trip to the Museum
[Museum of Tolerance, next day. A really modern building with
a fountain by the entrance. The five boys and their parents arrive
at the museum]
Welcome to the Museum of Tolerance.
Here we try to educate you on the dynamics
of racism and prejudice in America.
Now, did you know that words we use
can show intolerance? Let's begin our
tour with a walk through our Tunnel
of Prejudice, to show you what it can
feel like to be discriminated against.
QUEER. BEANER. CHINK. NIGGER. HEEB.
FAGGOT. CRACKER. SLOPE.
Aw man, this is awesome!
Now you know how it feels.
I wanna ride again! I wanna ride again!
We are now entering the Hall of Stereotypes.
These wax figures represent how some
intolerant people have labled minorities.
Here we see a black person eating chicken
and watermelon, a stereotype that hurts
the African-American community. What
other stereotypes do you see here?
Ah, here's the Arab as a terrorist.
That's right. But of course, we know
that all Arabs are terrorirsts, don
W-w-well there's an Asian over there
with a calculator.
That's right. Not all stereotypes are
negative. But even a positive one like
"All Asians are good at math" is harmful
Look, a covetous Jew!
Very good, young man. The idea that
Jews are only interested in money is
very old indeed.
Ah, here's a good one. It's the stereotypical
Wai-what? Oh man, what time is it?
Oh I'm sorry. I thought you were a
Naw, man. I'm the janitor. I'm s'pose
to be cleaning but I'm so tire. Ongh,
This is our discovery wing. Take your
time at the computer displays , because
you see, being tolerant you must also
respect people who are small, people
who are disabled, even people who are
overweight, like this young man here.
You other boys have probably called
this young man names like "tubby," or
"lardbutt," or "fat tits,"...
"Fat tits." That's a good one.
Yeah, I have to remember that.
But you must learn to be tolerant of
his differences as well. If he chooses
to eat fatty foods, that's his life
I'm not fat, I have a different life
And we won't belittle you for eating
lots of cookies and cakes and pies.
Duhuhude, tolerance kicks ass!
That's our Cartman.
[Museum of Tolerance, outside.]
Well, that's the end of our tour.
Now do you see why tolerance is so important,
We have to accept people for who they
are and what they like to do. Hey!
What the hell are you doing?
Oh I was just uh-
There's no smoking in the museum!
But I'm not in the museum.
Get out of here, you filthy smoker!
Yeah, dirty lungs!
Go ahead and kill yourself, stupid tar-breath!
Get out of here!
Well, have a great day, everybody.
Now you boys can go and give your teacher
and assistant the respect they deserve.
[South Park Elementary, day, Garrison's class. Mr. Garrison enters,
having previously set up a chemistry experiment on the teacher's
Okay, children, let's take our seats.
Uh, apparently, none of you tried to
get me fired yesterday, so I guess we're
just gonna have to go on and learn more
today. Now who can tells me what happens
to water when we heat it up in the Bunsen
Good, Butters. Now if we take the glass
tube of the Bunsen burner, we can also
see how other things react. Evaporation
is an exothermic reaction, so let's
look at an endothermic one. Mr. Slave,
position 7 please. Now I'm gonna put
the glass tube under Mr. Slave's tight
ass. The heat from Mr. Slave's ass
will act as our new conductor of energy
Okay, now Butters, could you bring over
Lemmiwinks for me please?
Oh, no, noo, no no no no.
Newton was the first to discover that
for every action there's a reaction
- thank you Butters. Now what do you
think is gonna happen when I introduce
the element of the gerbil to the endothermic
heat of Mr. Slave's ass? Well let's
AAH. AAH. Dude! Jesus Christ! AAH!
[South Park Elementary, lunch time. The kids go for their lunches]
Hello there, children!
How's it goin'?
Chef, we're intolerant.
...Intolerant of who?
Gays, I guess.
Now why do you wanna go be intolerant
of gay people, children? I thought
you knew better.
Well we didn't think we were, but Mr.
Garrison has this new assistant, and
we're really uncomfortable around him.
Children, a lot of times the reason
get uncomfortable around gay people
is that they have some issues themselves.
You have to ask yourself, "What is it
about their behavior that, for some
reason, makes me unconfortable?"
Well, I guess it's mostly the way Mr.
Garrison stuck a gerbil up Mr. Slave's
Right. And you see, children, that's
why you need to- Whoa! What?!
Are we homophobes now?
We don't wanna be gaybashers, Chef.
Children, there's a BIG difference between
gay people and Mr. Garrison! Do you
You children just take your lunches.
I'm gonna have a talk with the principal.
I'll take three lunches today, please.
You don't need three lunches, Eric!
You're fat enough as it is!
It is my life choice, Chef, and if you
don't tolerate it I'll report you to
[Fourth Grade classroom. The chemistry equipment has been cleared
away from the teacher's desk. Mr. Garrison and Mr. Slave are
in the classroom]
That was a brilliant idea, having me
put a gerbil up your ass, Mr. Slave.
Now we'll get fired for sure!
Well it wasn't the first small animal
I put up my ass.
Mr. Garrison to the principal's office,
That's it! They're gonna fire me for
being gay! Twenty-five million here
Don't forget, I get half. Oooooh! Oooooh,
Lemmiwinks, you must find a way out
of this place, or you will surely die.
This way has been closed off by the
Great Sphincter. To escape you must
journey upward to the dark reaches of
the intestine and past the stomach.
Who am I? Just a friend. Heed my words,
Lemmiwinks. Your time is running out.
Make for the large intestine. All will
be made clear then.
A great adventure is waiting for you
Hurry onward, Lemmiwinks, or you will soon be dead.
The journy before you may be long and filled with woe
But you must escape the gay man's ass so your tale can be told.
Lemmiwinks. Lehehemiwinks Lemmiwinks Lemmiwinks-
[The principal's office, a few moments later. Mr. Garrison hums
as he nears the office door. He enters and stands beside an angry
Chef, who has crossed his arms.]
You wanted to see me, Principal Victoria?
Oh yes, uh, Mr. Garrison, have a seat
Oh dear, sounds like I'm gettin' fired.
Mr. Garrison, Chef has brought it to
my attention that some uh students are
a bit... uuuncomfortable about certain
aspects of your teaching meathods.
Oh no, you're firing me? Oh well, I
can't stop being who I am. I can't help
the way God made me. Guess I just have
Nonono we're not firing you.
No, we're sending Chef to a tolerance
Sending Chef to a tolerance seminar?!
You've got to be fuckin' crazy!!
You demostrate a lack of tolerance for
Mr. Garrison's behavior. In fact, I
believe you used the words "sick queer"
to describe his conduct in class?
He IS a sick queer!!
I just wanted to give you an opportunity
to apologize to Mr. Garrison before
I send you away, Chef.
Kiss my black ass!!
[South Park Elenentary, Counselor Mackey's office]
Parents, I had to call you in here because
your boys have refused to attend class
with their homosexual teachers, m'kay?
We're not staying in class another minute
with those queermos!
Well I really thought you boys really
learned something in the Museum of Tolerance,
but apparently all you learned was new
words to call your poor teachers!
But they killed Lemmiwinks!
Shut your mouth, Butters! You'll speak
when spoken to!
Mr. Mackey, we've done everything we
can to raise compassionate children.
We don't know where else to turn.
Well there is an intensive seminar camp.
It's a bit severe, but it might be the
only way. M'kay?
That sounds good to me.
Then it's settled. Boys, you're going
to tolerance camp.
[Devitzen's Tolerance Camp, black-and-white footage, day. A truck
pulls up to the entrance and two guards open the gates. Beyond,
kids mill around under the watchful eyes of other guards. A few
moments later a guard paces in front of a crowd of kids.]
Welcome to tolerance camp. You are
here because you would not accept people's
differences. Because you refuse to
accept the life choices of your fellow
man. Well those days are now over. Here
you vill verk, every hour of every day
until you submit to being tolerant of
everybody. Here, intolerance... will
not be tolerated.
[South Park Elementary, Garrison's classroom. Mr. Slave is reading
his magazine. A few moments later Mr. Garrison storms into the
room and slams the door shut]
How'd it go?
This is unbelievable, Mr. Slave! It
seems no matter what I do I can't get
The principal didn't fire you?
No! The parents felt so bad that their
kids didn't want to attend my class
anymore that they wanna give me the
Courageous Teacher award this Friday
at the Museum of Tolerance!
Oh, Jesus Christ.
I mean, I stuck a gerbil up your ass
and they wanna give me a Goddamn medal!
Well it sounds to me like the principal's
just hiding things from everybody. What
you need to do is let the parents see
what kind of demented faggot you are.
Oh well- Hey, that's right, Mr. Slave.
The parents have to see for themselves.
The awards ceremony! Well we'll put
on a show they'll never forget!
Oohoohoohoo, Jesus Christ.
Lemmiwinks journeyed a distance far
To find his way out of a gay man's ass.
The road ahead is filled with danger and fright
But push onward, Lemmiwinks, with all of your might.
Lemmiwinks, you are coming to the entrance
of the small intestine. Now you must
seek out the Sparrow Prince.
The Sparrow Prince lies somewhere way
Don't look back, Lemmiwinks, or you'll soon be dead.
Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks, the time is growing late
Slow down now and seal your fate.
I am the Sparrow Prince. Long has my
spirit been trapped within this place.
Before you lies the maze of the small
intestine. One path leads to the stomach,
the other to certain doom. Take with
you this helmet and torch. Let them
be your guide.
Take the magic helmet torch to help
you light the way.
There's still a lot of ground to cross inside the man so gay.
Ahead you lies adventure, and your strength still lies within.
Freedom from the Ass of Doom is the treasure you will win.
[Devitzen's Tolerance Camp, black-and-white footage, day. The
kids are in a large room the size of an airport hangar. All of
them have been doing arts and crafts, as they are dirty with
crayons and paint. Each column of tables is being patroled by
Today we wll be using the fingerpaint!
You vill make a painting that shows
people of different races and sexual
orientations getting along. Figerpaint.
Figerpaint! You vill not make any distinction
between people of different colors!
People with different sexual preferences!
You vill accept everyone! What are
Uh, a bear?
Ein bear?! Und bear has nothing to do
with accepting people of different races!
Eh I, I don't know what else to paint.
Start over! You will fingerpaint what
we tell you! GO! Faster. Faster!
Faster! Are you done?! What is it?!
What have you done?!
People of all colors and creeds holding
hands beneath a rainbow!
GOOD! That wasn't so hard, was it?
NOW DO IT AGAIN! Faster! Faasterr!
[South Park Elementary, Garrison's classroom. Mr. Garrison talks
to Mr. Slave. There are no kids in class, as they've all gone
to tolerance camp, apparently]
There! I've done it, Mr. Slave. The
perfect plan to get us fired. You finished
your costume design yet?
Almost. I jast have to get through
a su- Uh-huc, Jesus Christ.
What's the matter?
Mm, Just a bit of an upset stomach,
Well here, take a Pepto pill. I can't
have my teacher's ass under the weather.
Eugh, Jesus Christ.
Lemmiwinks came to the stomach far.
'Neath the depths of the lungs and heart.
You chose your path wisely, Lemmiwinks.
I am the Catatafish.
Catatafish of the stomach's cove.
If you answer this riddle, the esophagus
will let you pass.
Catatafish riddle will soom be told.
[Devitzen's Tolerance Camp, black-and-white footage, day. The
kids are now in a different room quietly making macaroni pictures
on the floor, but they are all fatigued. The guard walks up to
a soldier on a catwalk and talks with him.]
Everything in order?
Yes, mein Führer. Ve are making the
prisoners make macaroni pictures that
illustrate diversity in the verkplace.
Kyle. Kyle, you have to keep making
your macaroni pictures.
Can't... glue... any... more .
The guards are coming, Kyle. Glue. Glue,
Take this one away. He is done for.
No more... arts and crafts...
Jesus... we have to get out of here.
[Devitzen's Tolerance Camp, black-and-white footage, outside.
The kids are at play. Cartman walks over to a Porto-Potty and
enters, but stops. He looks down into the toilet and finds two
girls there in the septic tank]
Please don't tell them that we're hiding
We can't work anymore. We'll die.
Oh. Uh, nothing. I was just getting
back to work.
Vhat is in there?
Get back to verk.
Yes sir! Phew.
Eww! Eww! Eww!
Hey, I was kidding. There's actually
two girls hiding down there. Hey!
[Museum of Tolerance, Friday night. The main hall is set up for
the awards ceremony and the guests are seated.]
Tonight we are here to honor an amazing
fourth grade teacher with the Courageous
Teacher award. Herbert Garrison came
out about two years ago. Since then
he has faced adversity. He has even
faced ridicule by some of the students.
Oh Randy, I'm so ashamed of our son.
It is my honor to present the Courageous
Teacher award to... Herbert Garrison.
Get along, little Slave.
Oh my God.
That's what our boys were talking about?
He is so courageous.
Say, Mr. Slave.
Yes, Mr. Garrison?
I had a dream last night that you were
a real dick.
Really? Why would you dream that I was
being an asshole?
No no, I was the asshole.
Ogh, that is so courageous.
What an amazing human being!
Uh, I uh I'm very happy to get this
award. Uh but you know what makes me
even happier? Sucking balls.
It isn't working. Sing your song, Mr.
I've got a little- Oof. Ohoc, Jesus
Christ. What's happening in there?
[Inside Mr. Slave's stomach at that moment, Lemmiwinks has been
put into a gyroscope and is ready to be shot up the esophagus
and out the mouth.]
Hang on, Lemmiwinks! You solved the
Catatafish's riddle. Now your trials
are nearly through!
[Outside Mr. Slave's stomach, onstage]
Oh! I should have never shoved all those
poor animals up my ass!
God-damnit, don't you people get it?!
I'm trying to get fired here!
Oh, that's courageous.
Look, this kind of behavior should not
be acceptable from a teacher!
Yeah, Jesus Christ.
But the mu-se-um tells us to be to-le-rant
Yes. The mu-se-um.
The mu-se-um tells us.
Tolerant, but not stupid! Look, just
because you have to tolerate something
doesn't mean you have to approve of
it! If you had to like it, it'd be called
the Museum of Acceptance! "Tolerate"
means you're just putting up with it!
You tolerate a crying child sitting
next to you on the airplane or, or you
tolerate a bad cold. It can still piss
you off! Jesus Tapdancing Christ!
He's right. Our boys didn't hate homosexuals,
they just hated the way this asshole
We'ge gotta get our boys back!
Ogh! Okay, so now can I PLEASE get
fired and get my 25 million dollars?!
No, no, I think I have a better idea.
[Devitzen's Tolerance Camp, Saturday, day. The boys' parents
are at the front gate. Black-and-white fades into color, and
Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Butters are present. They are quite thin,
clearly undernourished, and their clothes fit loose on them]
We're sorry, boys. Why didn't you tell
us your teachers were acting so over-the-top?
Yes. You boys don't know how much we
Come on, let's go.
Well this is insane!
I'm sorry Mr. Garrison, but it's obvious
you aren't tolerant of your own behavior.
Vhat do we have here? Noo recruits?
I assure you, the next veek will be
nothing but pain and suffering!
Oooo, this could be kind of fun.
Lemmiwinks has made it out and his tale
is nearly through
Great job, Lemmiwinks.
Thanks to you we are all free.
But your adventures are just beginning,
for you are no ordinary gerbil, Lemmiwinks.
You are the Gerbil King.
THE THREE SPIRITS
All hail the Gerbil King.
Now that you're the Gerbil King there's more ventures to go on
Fly away to faraway lands and to the setting sun
There's still so many enemies and battles yet to fight
For Lemmiwinks the Gerbil King could be told a thousand nights
Lemmi- Lemmi- Lemmiwinks. Le- Lemmiwiiinks.
Lehhmiwinks, Lem- Lem- Lemmiwinks
Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks, Leh-miwinks
Leh-miwinks, Gerbil King.]