"SOUTH PARK"
Episode 508
"TOWELIE"
Written by
Trey Parker
[Stan's house, day. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny are in the living room
playing video games.]
KYLE
HA! I killed you!
STAN
HA, I blew your head off!
KENNY
(Aw, Goddamnit!)
STAN
Jesus, is Cartman still in the bathroom?
KYLE
Hey Cartman! We're almost to level 20!
You giving birth in there, or what?
CARTMAN
Let a man take a crap!
STAN
Dude, he's in there punishing my toilet.
KYLE
Hyeah, that poor, poor thing
STAN
Come on, Cartman! You're missing the
game!
CARTMAN
I'm almost done, you smartasses! I'm
just wipin' mah- whoa, what the hell
is that? You guys, look what I found
in the trashcan in Stan's bathroom.
It's like a bloody cotton thing wrapped
in toilet paper.
KYLE
Well, why did you pull it out of the
trash?
CARTMAN
Because I thought it was a jelly doughnut,
but look, check it out, it's all bloody.
SHARON
Are you guys still playing that video
game?
STAN
Yeah. Hay Mom, Cartman found a bloody
cotton thing in the bathroom.
CARTMAN
Look. But I don't think it's for usin',
I think it's just for lookin' through.
SHARON
Eric, put that down!
CARTMAN
Why?
SHARON
Just go put it back in the trashcan!
CARTMAN
Hey, it's like all bloody. It might
be alive.
SHARON
No that... that came from me; just put
it away.
CARTMAN
This came out of you?? You just left
it in the trashcan?! You shouldn'ta
done that. He's just a boih. Poor little
feller.
STAN
What is it, Mom?
KYLE
Yeah, what it is, Mrs. Marsh?
SHARON
Boys, that a... feminine thing. Alright,
it's a personal, woman thing. I tell
you what: If you'll just drop the whole
thing right now, I'll buy you that new
video game console you've been wanting.
STAN
The 2001 Okama GameSphere?
SHARON
Sure.
KYLE
Cool!
CARTMAN
Wow, this is like finding trashcan gold,
you guiys!
[Luau's Toys, day, later. A banner reading "WE HAVE GAMESPHERE"
hangs over the window, and the console itself is in the window
display.]
STAN
There it is. The Okama GameSphere.
KYLE
Dude, it's got a hundred twenty eight
gigahertz DRAM
STAN
What's that?
KYLE
I don't know, but it kicks ass. Wow,
dude, you're the luckiest kid in South
Park.
CARTMAN
Hey, this is all of ours. I'm the one
who found Stan's aborted brother in
the trashcan and blackmailed his mom
into getting the GameSphere.
STAN
Alright, alright, but you guys gotta
see if you can sleep over for the rest
of the weekend. It's Saturday at 2:30
- that means we have... 39 hours to
play GameSphere until school on Monday!
KENNY
(Woohoo!)
KYLE
Awesome! Oh, crap.
STAN
What?
KYLE
I'm supposed to go to the lake with
my family tomorrow and swim and play
in the stupid sun.
STAN
Dude, we got GameSphere.
KYLE
I know, I know. Well, look: I'll stay
over anyway so I can play for... eighteen
hours, and then I'll go to the lake.
TOWELIE
Don't forget to bring a towel.
STAN
What?
TOWELIE
When you get out of the water you need
to dry off right away to avoid catchin'
a cold. That's why Towelie says, "Don't
forget to bring a towel."
STAN
...O-kay.
KYLE
Thanks, Towelie.
Towelie [after a few moments of silence] Do you wanna get high?
STAN
No.
KYLE
Anyway, that will give me plenty of
time playing video games.
CARTMAN
Kyle, I think you underestimate Okama
GameSphere.
SHARON
Here you go, boys.
BOYS
AAAAAA.
[Stan's house, later. In the living room, Kyle finishes connecting
the GameSphere to the back of the TV]
KYLE
Okay, turn it on.
TV
"Okama GameSphere"
BOYS
Whoa!
TV
Thirst For BLOOD
CARTMAN
Oh yeah, Thirst for Blood. Bring it.
KYLE
Oh, this is so cool.
CARTMAN
Bring it, bring it!
[Stan's house, night. The boys have been playing for hours. Around
them are empty boxes of Cheesy Poofs and cans of Zoop soda. On
the sofa is a bag of chips. Stan's parents walk up to the boys.]
SHARON
Goodnight, boys. Don't stay up too late.
STAN
G'night Mom, thanks for GameSphere.
CARTMAN
Yeah, but you still shouldn'ta done
that. 'E's just a boih.
RANDY
What?
SHARON
Nothing. Come on, Randy.
[Stan's house, Sunday morning, dawn. The boys have stayed up
all night playing video games. Kyle is on the phone with his
parents.]
KYLE
Yeahyeah, Mom. I-I can't go to the lake.
No, S-stan's having emotional problems
and I need to help see him through it.
He's got- wha-what is it?
CARTMAN
Date-rape psychosis.
KYLE
Date-rape something. Yeah. Okay. I will.
Okay, thanks, Mon. I don't have to
go outside!
CARTMAN
Awesome!
KYLE
She said it's fine, but that I still
have to go to baseball practice tonight..
STAN
Oh, yeah, we got baseball practice today.
God damnit!
CARTMAN
We shouldn't have this many responsibilities!
We're children!
STAN
Well, it's alright. We can still play
for six more hours, and then we'll
go play baseball.
TOWELIE
Don't forget to bring a towel.
KYLE
Uh no.
TOWELIE
When you're playin' sports, the sweat
can get in your face. That's why Towelie
says, "Always keep an extra towel in
your duffle bag."
STAN
Okay, we will.
TOWELIE
Alright! Do you wanna get high?
KYLE
No we don't wanna get high!
TOWELIE
Okay... You sure?
CARTMAN
Yes! Go away, you stupid towel!
STAN
Oh, dude! Did you see that? I cut off
your face and ate it!
CARTMAN
That's... so... cool!
[Stan's house, later... The boys have repositioned themselves
and look half-asleep from all the game play. Doughnuts and ice
cream appear - a cone is on the rug with its ice cream melting.
Sharon walks up to them again.]
SHARON
Okay, boys, that's it. You have to go
now.
STAN
No no, it's okay, Mom. We c-we can't
go to baseball practice 'cause Kyle
has cancer.
SHARON
No, Stanley, it's Monday morning. You
have to go to school.
CARTMAN
It's Monday?
STAN
Oh, uh, I'm sick.
KYLE
Me too.
SHARON
No, you're not sick. Now get to school.
All of you.
STAN
But Mom...
SHARNO
Go!
BOYS
Aagh!
[Bus stop, moments later. The boys are now waiting for the bus.]
STAN
Can't believe we have to go to school!
KYLE
Yeah, real life is so boring and stupid.
STAN
We just have to try and make the day
go as fast as possible so we can get
back to GameSphere.
COMMANDER
Hello, boys, how are you?
STAN
Fine.
COMMANDER
Say, boys, this may sound a little ...odd,
but... have you see a ...talking ...towel
around anywhere.
KYLE
What? You mean Towelie?
COMMANDER
Echo, this is Garrett. I've got a code
5 at... Park County, Colorado! Repeat!
Code 5, Park County Colorado!
CARTMAN
What, dude?
STAN
This is gonna be one looong-ass day.
[Stan's house, Mondy afternoon. The boys arrive there from the
bus stop]
STAN
That was the longest day of school ever!
KYLE
Come on, hurry. I bet we can get to
level 29!
[Stan's house, living room. The boys stand in from of the television]
KYLE
Where is it?
STAN
It... it was right here.
KYLE
Where the hell is it??
CARTMAN
Come on, man, this isn't funny! I need
my fix!
STAN
Hello?
VOICE
If you ever wanna see your Okama GameSphere
again, you will bring us the towel.
STAN
What? Who-who is this?
VOICE
Just get the towel and meet us at the
gas station outside of town. Or else!
STAN
Don't hurt it!
KYLE
What?
STAN
They've taken it. They've taken our
Okama GameSphere.
CARTMAN
No! ...No!
KYLE
Uh-uh-uh what do you mean "they've taken
it"? Oh, this isn't happening! This
isn't happening!!
[South Park, sunset. The boys walk down Main Street.]
STAN
Towelie!
CARTMAN
Hey, towel!
KYLE
Where the hell is he?
KENNY
(I don't know. Where could it be?)
STAN
I don't know. They guy on the phone
thought we had Towelie, so now we gotta
find him.
KYLE
What has this world come to? Where people
can just... take your Okama GameSphere.
CARTMAN
Hey maybe we'd better do a towel call.
Gebaayybeh! Gebaayybeh!
KYLE
That's a towel call?
STAN
This is hopeless. We're never gonna
find him.
KYLE
Hey, wait a minute. Towelie always showed
up to give us towel advice when we'd
said something about water.
STAN
Hey yeah. Well guys, let's go to the
swimming pool! Aaah. Let's go take
a shower! Let's go waterskiing!
TOWELIE
Don't forget to bring a towel.
KYLE
There he is!
TOWELIE
Be sure to bring a towel so you don't
get aaall wet. .
STAN
Come on, dude!
TOWELIE
Where are we goin'?
KYLE
Just come on! It's getting dark.
TOWELIE
Are we gonna get high?
[Outskirts of South Park, night. A full moon shines down on the
boys as they reach the gas station]
KYLE
Are you sure this is where they said
to be?
STAN
They said the gas station outside of
town.
TOWELIE
Well, I'm gonna get a little high.
MAN
Hold it!
STAN
Who is that?
MAN
Step... away... from the towel!
OFFICIAL
There you are, towel. We've been looking
all over for you.
TOWELIE
If you ever go to a hotel, be sure to
bring your own towel.
OFFICIAL
It isn't safe for you out here, towel.
There are people out here to mean to
harm you.
STAN
'Scuse me, can we have our Okama GameSphere
back? We just wanna play video games.
OFFICIAL
Your what?
KYLE
Agh! Look, dude, we're on level 24,
about to cross into the Caverns of Madness!
OFFICIAL
I don't know what you're talking about.
STAN
You called us and said if we brought
the towel you'd give us our video game
back.
OFFICIAL
Omigod! IT"S A TRAP!!
MAN 2
Cover! Cover!
STAN
Goddamnit, what now?!
OFFICIAL
Run, towel!
STAN
Agh. Come on, they've gotta have our
video game around here somwhere.
SOLDIER 1
Where's the towel?!
SOLDIER 2
It can't be far! Alvarez, you and Mitchell
sweep left!
GUARD
Hurry! You must get the towel back
to Tynacorp!
STAN
Where is our Okama GameSphere?
GUARD
Get the towel home They will explain
everything. Please, hurry!
KYLE
Aw, God-damnit!
STAN
Do you know where he's talking about,
Towelie?
TOWELIE
What? Oh yeah, back at the base. It's
a long ways away.
STAN
Alright, we're gonna have to use this
truck. Come on, guys.
COMMANDER
Well?
SOLDIER
They've gone, sir. It's like they've
vanished out of thin air.
COMMANDER
Damnit! I knew those boys were protecting
that towel. They must have some unexplainable
bond with it.
SOLDIER 2
Perhaps they're telepathically linked
to the towel, sir, like E.T.
COMMANDER
It could already be anywhere, hiding
out again. No, the time for being nice
is over. We must instigate... Plan B.
SOLDIER 3
You mean...?
COMMANDER
Yes. Destroy all towels within a thousand
mile radius.
[A desert, later that night. The truck rolls along... Stan steers,
Kyle, Towelie, and Cartman ride along. Kenny mans the pedals]
KYLE
Are we getting close?
TOWELIE
I think so.
STAN
A little more gas, Kenny.
KYLE
How long has it been since you've been
back there.
TOWELIE
I've been wanderin' around on my own
for the past few weeks. You know, helpin'
people out with towel safety and proper
towel use. It's important.
CARTMAN
No it isn't.
TOWELIE
Is!
CARTMAN
No it isn't.
TOWELIE
Is! Wait, turn down here. It's down
this dirt road.
STAN
Brake, Kenny, brake.
CARTMAN
Egh!
TOWELIE
M-maybe it's down that dirt road.
STAN
Dude, don't you remember where it is?
TOWELIE
I can't remember, it all looks the same.
Hold on, let me get high. then I'll
remember where it is.
STAN
Alright, so where is it?
TOWELIE
Where's what?
BOYS
Agh!
KYLE
The base where you're from and where
our Okama GameSphere is!
STAN
Alright, that does it! Brake angrily,
Kenny! Now listen, Towelie, we've just
about had it with you!
TOWELIE
Well calm down.
KYLE
That's it! You're not getting high
again until we have our Okama GameSphere
back!
TOWELIE
That's my last joint, asshole!
KYLE
I don't care! You'd better remember
where your base is!
TOWELIE
Oh man, why is everyone riding me today?
God-damnit.
[A purple house, night. Inside, in the restroom, a woman washes
her hands and face, then pulls a towel out of its rack to dry
herself]
WOMAN
Kevin? Don't forget to wrap the potato
salad in aluminum foil. Kevin, is that
you?
SOLDIER
Harris! Reach bang and clear!
WOMAN
Hello? WAAH! Ohmigod! Oh no! Ohmigod!
SOLDIER
Alright, it's clear! It's clear!
[a backyard. Mrs. Tweek pulls down some clothes she's had drying
on clotheslines. As she nears the towels, three soldiers rush
in and start firing away at them]
SOLDIERS
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
SOLDIER
Let's go let'sg o!
[A men's gym shower, night. Mr. Garrison is in the shower with
two other men. He finishes and wraps a white towel with blue
stripes around his waist, then walks towards his locker]
SOLDIER
Get it!
MR. GARRISON
What the?
SOLDIER
Throw it down!
MR. GARRISON
Oh alright, have your way with me if
you must! Go on, fulfill you sick pleasures!
SOLDIER
Alright, let's go!
MR. GARRISON
Huh where are you goin'?
[The truck the boys are driving pulls up in front of a gleaming
glass building with "TYNACORP" above the entrance, and the boys
pour out with Towelie]
CARTMAN
This is where you came from?
TOWELIE
Yeah, I think so. Oh man.
STAN
What?
TOWELIE
I'm so high right now. I have no idea
what's goin' on.
[Tynacorp, inside. The boys walk down a long passageway]
RESEARCH LEADER
Welcome home, Smart Towel RG-400.
STAN
Ah hi, is this where our Okama GameSphere
is?
KYLE
We're missing out on some quality video
game time right now.
RESEARCH LEADER
Thank you for bringing him to us, boys.
You see, this is not an ordinary towel.
He is the RG-400 Smart Towel, designed
with a computer chip inside the terry
cloth
STAN
We don't care.
RESEARCH LEADER
You see, here at Tynacorp, our goal
was to make the perfect towel. A towel
that would sense how wet or dry the
user's skin was and fluff itself accordingly.
STAN
Dude, we don't care.
RESEARCH LEADER
Towelie was our greatest success. Smart
enough to beat the average human at
chess and absorbent enough to soak up
even the toughest spills. But then one
day, Towelie got high and just sort
of wandered off.
STAN
We... don't... care.
KYLE
All we wanna know is, who has our Okama
GameSphere?
RESEARCH LEADER
Ah yes, your video game. I'm afraid
that what we all experienced was a trap.
They called you and said to bring the
towel, and then they called us and said
they were bringing Towelie back. Their
plan was to wipe us all out with one
fell swoop.
KYLE
Who's they?
RESEARCH LEADER
Why, the military. You see, after Towelie
got high and wandered off from here,
the military got a hold of him. They
wanted to turn Towelie into a weapon
of mass destruction.
STAN
Don't care, don't care, don't care.
RESEARCH LEADER
Towelie was at their base for months
as they tried to copy his TNA. But then,
one day, Towelie got high and just sort
of wandered off. Again.
CARTMAN
Goddamnit! Can we please... just get
back to playing our video game, PLEASE?!
RESEARCH LEADER
I'm afraid not. Because your Okama GameSphere
is at "their" base.
STAN
Can you tell us where "that" is, please?
RESEARCH LEADER
You mean to go right into their base?
Of course. The entry code should still
be in Towelie's memory banks. You could
sneak him in there and recover his TNA.
Great plan.
[Secret Government Base, night. Inside, various military officials
man a command center. Two soldiers walk up to the commander and
salute him]
SOLDIER
Sir! Sargeant Masters and Boll are reporting,
sir!
COMMANDER
Ah yes. Tell me, Marine, did you accomplish
your primary goal?
SGT MASTERS
Sir yes sir! All towels have been destroyed!
The Smart Towel is no doubt eliminated.
COMMANDER
Ahh. And you're... quite sure of this.
SGT BOLL
Eh yes sir, there isn't a towel left
within a hundred miles.
COMMANDER
Hmm... So perhaps, then, you can explain
to me why we just got footage of the
towel returning to Tynacorp?!
SGT MASTERS
Oo we...
SGT BOLL
He must have outsmarted us, sir.
COMMANDER
Well I'm through playing hide and seek!
We've got no other choice! Prepare to
blow up all of Colorado!
[The night sky. Clouds float by overhead, past the full moon.
A helicopter flies into the sky and the camera follows it. Two
officials prepare the boys for dives into the military base as
the research leader talks]
RESEARCH LEADER
In a moment we will be over the base.
This is the only way in. Any attempts
on the ground would be easily spotted
by guard posts.
KYLE
Okay.
RESEARCH LEADER
I hate to send you back in there, Towelie,
but only you have their security system
in your memory banks.
TOWELIE
That's alright. It's always good to
bring a towel.
RESEARCH LEADER
Good luck, boys. The fate of the world
is depending on you.
STAN
We're not doing it for the world, we're
doing it for our video game. God, are
you deaf?
GUARD
Alright, boys. When you drop from the
plane, cover and roll. Got it?
STAN
Yeah.
GUARD
Go go go go go go!
KYLE
Dude, I figured it out.
STAN
What?
KYLE
If we can go in, and get the GameSphere
in 30 minutes, we could still be back
at your house playing video games by
midnight!
STAN
So that'd be, like what, eight hours
we could play before school?
KYLE
Seven and a half.
STAN
Hurry up, stupid parachute!
[Secret Government Base, night. The boys land silently and start
walking]
Cartman Alright, I think we go over there. [the Secret Government
Base entrance is shown with Towelie and the boys approaching
the gate]
TOWELIE
Let's see. No.
STAN
Come on, Towelie! The guy said you have
the security system in your memory banks.
TOWELIE
Hey it's been a long time!
CARTMAN
You just have no long-term memory 'cause
you get high all the time!
TOWELIE
Don't preach to me, fatso!
CARTMAN
I can preach to you all I want, 'cause
you're stupid!
TOWELIE
You're stupid!
CARTMAN
Yeah, and you're a towel!
TOWELIE
You're a towel! Just let me get high.
I know I can remember if I get high.
STAN
Oh, God damnit! Alright, fine! Here's
your stupid lighter.
TOWELIE
Hold on. Wait a second That's it!
KYLE
That's it?
TOWELIE
Yeah. That's the melody to "Funky Town."
Won't ya take me down... to Funky Town.
STAN
No, Towelie, the entry code!
TOWELIE
For what?
STAN
God-damnit, I guess we're gonna have
to climb the stupid fence.
[Secret Government Base, night, inside. The boys climb over the
fence and sneak past a soldier without arousing suspicion. They
end up at the genetic research building]
KYLE
Well let's look in here.
TOWELIE CLONE
Kill... me... Kill... me.
TOWELIE
Oh my God! No-o-o-o!
COMMANDER
Well well well. Look what the cat dragged
in.
TOWELIE
What are these things?
COMMANDER
Genetic copies we tried to make with
your TNA. They didn't work too well,
I'm afraid.
TOWELIE CLONE
Kill... me.
STAN
Do you have our Okama GameSphere?
COMMANDER
You did very well to get the towel this
far, boys. I wonder: What did they tell
you at Tynacorp? That the big, bad government
wanted to genetically engineer a Towelie
as a weapon? Now let me tell you the
real story.
STAN
Oh God, don't care, don't care.
COMMANDER
Yes, we've been trying to make our
own genetic copies of the towel, but
only because we had to. You see, when
we started spying on Tynacorp, we discovered
a certain, terrifying secret.
SOLDIER
Go on! Ask him what terrifying secret.
KYLE
What terrifying secret?
COMMANDER
That Tynacorp was making these towels
to take over the world!
CARTMAN
We're never gonna play our Okama GameSphere
again, are we?
COMMANDER
Don't you see what genetically enhanced
smart towels like these are capable
of? You get out of the shower and dry
yourself off. But even after you're
dry, the towel makes you more dry. It
keeps getting you drier and drier.
Can you imagine it? What it would feel
like to be way, way too dry? I'll tell
you something: You don't want to know.
And I don't know.
KYLE
And we don't care.
COMMANDER
You've been double-crossed by Tynacorp,
kids. They set this all up to get you
in here and take us down.
STAN
So let me get this straight: Our Okama
GameSphere is back at Tynacorp.
COMMANDER
Oh yes. It has been all along.
SOLDIER
Can I kill the towel now, sir?
KYLE
Go ahead.
COMMANDER
No, wait. Perhaps now, we can use their
own towel against them. These boys must
return to Tynacorp, and we will launch
a sneak attack on Tynacorp as well.
You boys can take the towel to Tynacorp's
central core, and upload this encryption
disk into their system, bringing them
down once and for all.
STAN
But we don't care!
[Tynacorp command center. The officials gather around the research
leader]
OFFICIAL 1
What the hell is this?! The towel was
supposed to go in there and then run
its own self-destruct sequence!
RESEARCH LEADER
The towel has a will of its own. It's...
learning compassion.
OFFICIAL 2
We don't have the manpower to hold off
the entire military AND stop those wonderboys
from getting to the core!
RESEARCH LEADER
Then we have no choice. We'll have to
test the new prototype a little... earlier.
GS-401 [deep voice] Don't forget to bring a towel!
[Tynacorp, outside. Shadows appear in the brush across the way.
The commander is there with his troops, the boys, and Towelie]
COMMANDER
Alright, boys, take the towel back in
there and say your mission was accomplished.
Then upload this encryption disk into
their computers.
STAN
We're just going in to get our video
game back.
COMMANDER
If anything goes wrong, use this newly-developed
photon rifle.
KYLE
Photon rifle, whatever.
[Tynacorp command center. The boys walk through the center slowly]
STAN
Hello? Hello, anybody here?
GS-401
Welcome to the party, boys! HAAARRRHHHH!!
Towelie Oooh. Ooohh! Oh boy.
GS-401
HAAARRRHHHH!!
RESEARCH LEADER
So, you thought you could outsmart us,
did you kids?
COMMANDER
Aaaaarrrr. Move move move move move
move! Don't make a move, you bastards!
RESEARCH LEADER
Bring the towel here, boys. They can't
shoot children.
COMMANDER
Don't listen to them. They lied to you
before.
RESEARCH LEADER
Oh yes, boys. Obey your government!
Well perhaps it's time these boys knew
what was really gong on!
STAN
Ohmigod, look!
KYLE
Our GamdSphere!
STAN
Aw, sweet, it still saved our plays.
RESEARCH LEADER
You see boys, I'm afraid you were double-crossed.
If they were the military, why wouldn't
they just attack us to begin with? Because
they're not the military!
COMMANDER
Alright, maybe we lied to you, but it
was to protect your own skin! We are
a resistance group pretending to be
the military to bring Tynacorp down!
CARTMAN
Whoa, check it out, guys, the parachute
level.
KYLE
Sweet!
COMMANDER
But perhaps we should show these kids
who Tynacorp really is made up of. Go
on! Tell them why you've been making
towels! Zytar!
STAN
Oh, there's gold. Get the gold, Kenny!
ZYTAR
Our planet was dying! We had no choice
but to find a new one! Manufacturing
Smart Towels was our way to spy on humans
to see how they lived.
COMMANDER
And now you know the horrible truth,
boys.
ZYTAR
Truth or no, your alien-murdering group
is over!
CARTMAN
Could you turn it up?
COMMANDER
Boys, try to reach the core override!
We've got no choice but to try to take
them all out! I think I can get it
from here, boys!
ZYTAR
What are you doing? You'll kill us
all!
COMMANDER
Sorry, Zytar. Didn't yoru mom ever tell
you? Don't mess with earthlings.
BOYS
Oooww!
CARTMAN
Hup hup. Come on, hang on.
STAN, KYLE
Whoa.
KENNY
(Help help! Heeelllppp!)
CARTMAN
Kenny!
KENNY
(Nooo!)
KYLE
Oh my God! Our GameSphere! You've gotta
move me closer!
STAN
Hurry up, Kyle! This place is coming
apart!
GS-401
What are you doing?
TOWELIE
Get away from me, you evil towel!
GS-401
Towelie, listen to me. Let them go.
Drop them.
TOWELIE
No way! They're my friends!
GS-401
They aren't your friends! Humans have
ruined the planet, killed off their
own environment! Their time is over.
It is the towels' turn now.
KYLE
I've almost got it!
GS-401
You're going to let them go, Towelie!
Because... I know your weakness. Here.
Yoiu can reach it. Come on, Towelie!
How long has it been since you've had
a nice burn, huh?! Twenty, thirty seconds?!
STAN
Aw, crap!
GS-401
You're going to have to choose between
their lives, and, getting high.
TOWELIE
You asshole.
CARTMAN
Towelie, don't let go of us, you God-damned
towel! Kyle's almost there!
GS-401
Come, Towelie! Make your decision!
TOWELIE
I-I-I choose... I-I-I choose... both!
KYLE
I got it!
GS-401
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
STAN
Come on, guys. Let's go play video games!
KYLE, TOWELIE
Alright!
CARTMAN
Hooray!
STAN
Oh, dude, we finished level 50!
KYLE
Awesome!
TOWELIE
Oh, man, I have no idea what's goin'
on.
KYLE
Check it out: Now we're going into the
secret underground base.
STAN
Alright, guys, focus. Looks like this
is gonna be an underwater level.
TOWELIE
Don't forget to bring a towel.
CARTMAN
You are the worst character ever, Towelie.
TOWELIE
I know.
THE END
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