"SOUTH PARK"
Episode 804
"YOU GOT F'D IN THE A"
Written by
Trey Parker
[A parking lot somewhere in South Park, day. The boys are playing
with motorized toy cars]
CARTMAN
Dude, these little remote-controlled
cars are kickass.
KYLE
Sweet. I made mine go off the jump.
STAN
Dude, my car sucks. I gotta get a new
one.
KYLE
Hey, who are those kids?
BOOMBOX
Let's see you daaance, sucka! You've
got nothin' on me!
Let's see you daaance, sucka! You've got nothin' on me!
Let's see you...! Let's see you...!
Let's see you...! Let's see you...!
Daaance, sucka!
[brief instrumental]
Let's see you daaance, sucka! You've got nothin' on me!
Let's see you daaance, sucka! You've got nothin' on me!
Let's see you daaance-
OC LEADER
Yeah, how you like that y'all!
OC MEMBER 1
Let's bring it to these losers.
OC GIRL
Aww yeah!
OC LEADER
Whatchoo got, huh?! You got nothin'!
Damn! You just got served! Aww man!
OC GIRL
He got you, dude.
OC LEADER
Now that kid is gettin' served!
OC GIRL
Uh huh.
OC
Whoa!
OC LEADER
Aww man, look at them! They know they
can't trip to that! Yeah! We're outta
here!
OC MEMBER 2
That was smokin'!
OC MEMBER 1
They didn't do nothin'!
OC MEMBER 3
Sorry y'all, but tru not to let it
sting too bad!
OC LEADER
You got served! Come on! They had
nothin'! Let's go y'all!
OC MEMBER
Come on y'all!
KYLE
...What the hell just happened?
[Chef's house, later. Stan rings the doorbell]
CHEF
Oh. Hello there, children!
STAN
Chef, we just got served.
CHEF
Oh boy... Well come on inside, children.
I'll make you some cocoa.
[Chef's house, living room. Chef shows the children to the couch]
CHEF
Have a seat, children. Just try to relax
and breathe. Are you all okay?
KYLE
Yeah.
CHEF
All right. Now, where did you get served?
STAN
Over at the True Value parking lot.
There were just these kids we never
saw before showed up and they were like,
really good dancers and, we don't really
understand what it means, but I guess-
CHEF
Okay okay, relax children. Relax. It's
all over now. Just try to calm down
and sit tight. I'm gonna call your
parents and let them know you're okay.
Mrs. Marsh? Hi, it's Chef. Yeah, I'm
good. Listen: Stan and his friends just
got served. Yeah. Yeah, over at the
True Value. No no, he's fine. They're
all fine. Yeah, it was some kids from
out of town. Apparently they were pretty
good dancers. They really let 'em have
it.
[Stan's house, that night. The family is at the dining table.
Sharon brings a large dish over to Stan]
SHARON
Here, Stanley, I made your favorite
potato dish. I want you to feel better,
okay.
RANDY
What's the matter with him?
SHARON
Oh. Stan got served at school today.
RANDY
You got served? By who?
STAN
Some, kids from Orange County.
SHARON
Let's not make a big deal out of it.
RANDY
So wha- so what'd you do? D'you dance
back?
STAN
No.
RANDY
What? Yo-you got served and just stood
there and took it??
SHARON
That was the right thing to do.
RANDY
Naw, that's crap, Sharon! Stanley, when
somebody challenges you to dance, you
have to dance back at them, or else
they'll think you're weak.
STAN
But Dad, I don't know how to dance or
nothin'.
RANDY
Well then, it's about time you learned!
Put on some loose-fitting clothes and
meet me in the garage!
STAN
But Dad-
RANDY
Now!
[Stan's house, garage. Stan and Randy are present. Randy is dressed
in sweats, Stan is dressed in sweat pants and sleeveless T-shirt.
Randy puts a CD into a stereo system.]
RANDY
All right son, dancing is all about
a frame of mind. Now, I'm not telling
you to go around challenging other kids
to dance, but when they challenge you,
you just look 'em straight in the eye,
and give 'em this. Come on, Stan.
...six, seven, eight.
[South Park, day, Luau's Toys. Stan and his friends exit and
walk down the street]
KYLE
Dude, that is a sweet RC car.
STAN
Yeah, let's go race it right now.
OC MEMBER 2
Well, what we got here?
OC MEMBER 1
It's the white boys that were served
yesterday.
OC LEADER
You want a little more, homeboys?
KYLE
We're not interested, thanks.
OC MEMBER 1
You're not interesetd? Not interested
in this??
BOOMBOX
You can't step to my roots, so don't
try it.
You can’t burn with my group so don’t light it.
I'm on the OC crew and I'm better than you.
You like to suck my balls, don't deny it.
You can't bop her like me so don't go there.
You never find a bigger bitch player nowhere.
I put my jimmy in a ho, put off soul.
I'm a good listener and that's rare.
BLACK MAN
Oh Lord, look at those moves.
BLACK WOMAN
Oooo, they are takin' it out!
BLACK MAN 2
Oh man, they are getting served!
BLACK WOMAN 2
Ooooo, it's getting hot out here!
BLACK MAN 3
Have mercih!
OTHERS
Oooooo, look at that! Lord! Gettin'
served!
KYLE
Yeah! Go Stan!
CHEF
Oh no! No, stop Stan! You don't know
what you're doin'!
KYLE
All right Stan!
CARTMAN
HA! You just got f'd in the a!
OC LEADER
Wha?
KYLE
Yeah! YOU got served!
KENNY
Woohoo.
CARTMAN
Yeah!
KYLE
That's right!
CARTMAN
All right!
KENNY
Woo woo.
CHEF
No no no!
OC LEADER
Okay. All right. We got served. So now,
I guess... It's on.
STAN
What?
OC MEMBER 1
This Saturday! Our top five dancers
against yoru top five dancers! OC Convention
Center. It's on!
OC MEMBERS
It's on! It's on! It's on! It's on!
TOWNSMAN
Oh Lord it's on!
CHEF
Oh damnit! I knew that was gonna happen.
OC MEMBER 3
We'll see you Saturday, fools!
OC MEMBERS
Yeah, and you'd better have a lot better
dancers with you than those loozas!
'Cause it's on!
OC MEMBERS
It's on! It's on! It's on! It's on!
CHEF
Stan, what the hell did you dance back
for??
STAN
I thought I was supposed to!
CHEF
Now you've gotta compete against them
in the dance competition on Saturday!
STAN
But why??
CHEF
Because if you get served and served
them back, then it's on! Don't you know
anything??
[Stan's house, breakfast nook. Randy is filling out checks for
his bills]
SHARON
Well, nice going, Randy! Really great
advice you gave our son here!
RANDY
What?
SHARON
Those kids showed up to serve Stan again
and he danced back!
RANDY
So what happened?
SHARON
It's on!
[OC Convention Center, day. A large screen over the Center says
"Bounce" while a sign closer to the viewer says "This Saturday,
7 PM, Orange County VS. South Park, Dance Competition. It's On!!!!"
Inside, preparations are made for the competition. On the floor,
the OC crew practices its move under their coach's supervision]
COACH
Come on now, keep it tight! Good.
Now watch that timing, drill team!
OC MEMBER 1
All right!
OC GIRL
All right!
OC LEADER
Yeah, bad ass!
OC MEMBER 2
Yeah, that was tight!
COACH
Not bad, kids. Not bad.
OC MEMBER 1
Not bad? South Park doesn't stand a
chance!
OC GIRL
I heard that!
COACH
All right, it was good. But we don't
want "good," we want pain!
RANDY
Uh ex, excuse me.
COACH
Yeah?
RANDY
Hi, uh, my name is Randy Marsh. I'm
I'm Stan Marsh's father.
COACH
Oh, so you're the father of the boy
who's gonna get f'd in the a on Saturday?
OC MEMBER 3
Dang!
OC LEADER
Oooooo!
RANDY
Uh, listen. Ih, it was my fault that
Stanley served your boys the other day.
Uh, I told him to do it and I... Weh
well look I, I just came down here to
tell you... Ih it's not on.
COACH
Oh, it's on!
RANDY
Nonono, it's not on.
COACH
Whoo, it's on all right!
RANDY
It isn't on. Nothing's on. It's off.
COACH
It's on!
RANDY
I'm keeping my son home on Saturday.
I just came by to let you know so you
can... put a stup to all this. Good
bye.
COACH
Hold on a second, clamhead! You think
you can just roll in here and tell us
it's not on when it very clearly is
on?! You're just trying to make us not
practice, aren't you?! Because you KNOW
that your kids are goin' down when my
kids give them this! Give me some moves
out, Girl T! Check this out! Yeah!
You like that?!
OC LEADER
Oooo man!
OC MEMBER 1
Ohhh Lord!
OC LEADER
Oooo, he is gettin' served!
[Hell's Pass Hospital, day. Randy is recovering in a room. He's
got breathing tubes in his nose and his eyes are squeezed shut.
His friends surround him]
RANDY
Aw, mph! Uuuugh-ah.
SHARON
Randy? Randy, oh my God!
SKEETER
What happened to him, Doctor?
DR. DOCTOR
He got served. Worst I've ever seen.
JIMBO
Old fool went down to the OC to try
to reason with the other team, and he
got served up somethin' fierce.
CHEF
Oh Lord...
RANDY
His dancing was so fast I ...couldn't
do anything. His moves were... so original,
so inventive. Ungh! Grrgh.
NURSE
Shh relax, Mr. Marsh.
DR. DOCTOR
We just got the X-rays back. He mostly
got served here and here . But the
worst serving was here in the pelvic
region. The road to recovery will be
a long one.
JIMBO
Boy. You must really wanna take to to
those Orange County kids now, huh Stan?
SKEETER
Are you kiddin'? Stan is probably ready
to pounce on them after what they did
to his father!
STAN
I, I don't know. He seems all right.
MR. GARRISON
I could only imagine the rage building
inside you, Stan. I bet you can't wait
to outdance those OC bastards!
RANDY
Stan?? Stan??
STAN
Yeahh I'm I'm right here, Dad.
RANDY
Stan, listen to me. I don't want you
feeling like you have to do that competition
now to avenge me.
STAN
Okay, good.
RANDY
But I know I can't stop you from doing
it. So all I can say is... give 'em
hell, son. Give 'em hell.
STAN
God damnit!
[Loading dock at South Park Elementary, day. Stan walks over
and finds the Goths there, as usual. Henrietta reads a book]
STAN
Hey guys. Uh. You guys know how to dance,
right?
TALL GOTH
Of course we know how to dance.
STAN
Cool, because, there's this competition
on Saturday, and I have to find the
very best dancers in South Park to be
on my crew. My friends can't do it because
they suck ass, so, will you be in my
dance troupe?
RED GOTH
Dance troupe? Please. We don't dance
like those Britney and Justin wannabes
at school. Goth kids dance to express
pain and suffering.
TALL GOTH
Yeah. The only cool way to dance is
to keep your hands at your sides and
your eyes looking at the ground. Then
every three seconds you take a drag
from your cigarette.
STAN
Okay, that'll work fine. Listen, there's
a dance competition this Saturday and
I need good dancers so I don't get served.
RED GOTH
No way. Dancing is something you do
alone in your room at three in the morning.
STAN
Please, you guys, our whole town's
reputation is at stake! Will any of
you do it?
RED GOTH
I'm not doin' it. Being in a dance group
is totally conformist.
HENRIETTA
Yeah. I'm not conforming to some dance-off
regulations.
LITTLE GOTH
I'm not doin' it either. I'm the biggest
nonconformist of all.
TALL GOTH
I'm such a nonconformist that I'm not
going to conform with the rest of you.
Okay, I'll do it.
STAN
Great!
HENRIETTA
Whoa. I think we just got put in our
place.
RED GOTH
Yeah. We just got Goth-served.
[The neighborhood. Stan and the tall Goth walk down the street]
STAN
All right, we gotta find three other
kids that can dance.
TALL GOTH
We should go to the arcade.
STAN
The arcade?
TALL GOTH
Yeah. There's this Asian kid name Yao.
He's an expert at that Dance Dance Revolution
game.
[The Sinistarcade. A Dancin' Dancin' Dancin' Machine game is
prominently shown, and an Asian boy dances furiously on the foot
pad on the right. The arrows indicate which foot buttons the
boy should be stepping on. He's hit every one, so his score is
perfect. Stan and the tall Goth look on]
STAN
Dude, he's incredible.
TALL GOTH
He should be. He's here playing that
game every single day after school.
I think he's spent about six thousand
dollars on it so far.
STAN
Hey kid, you're pretty good. How would
you like to join our dance troupe?
YAO
You mean, dancing without a machine
telling you what to do?
STAN
Yeah.
YAO
That's stupid.
STAN
Dude, we need you.
YAO
I can't dance without the machine.
STAN
It's all right. My friend Chef is gonna
coach us.
YAO
Okay. I'll give it a shot.
STAN
All right, that's three!
TALL GOTH
Dude, we need a girl.
STAN
Huh?
TALL GOTH
We can't be a dance troupe with just
guys. People will think we're fags.
STAN
Oh yeah. Wait a minute. I know just
where to go!
[Raisins. Happy Hour all day!!! Inside the little waitresses
go about their work. Two of them dance asscheek to asscheek,
shaking their asses in rhythmic unison. Mercedes dances her ass
off to a boy, who looks on in bliss]
PORSCHE
Hi guys, welcome to Raisins. Three of
you?
STAN
Ah actually we were just hoping we could
talk to you guys real quick.
MAURY
You have to buy wings if you wanna talk
to the Raisins girls.
STAN
And so we're putting all the best dancers
in South Park together to beat Orange
County.
MERCEDES
Wow, that sounds great. I always wanted
to try my dancing somewhere else.
STAN
So you'll do it?
MERCEDES
Why not?
STAN
All right, we just need one more person!
MERCEDES
Hey, we should get that kid that was
state champion in tap dancing.
STAN
What? The state tap champion is from
here? Who?
MERCEDES
I think his name was... Leopold...
Stotch or something?
STAN
Leopold Stotch...? Wait a minute. You
mean...
[Butters' house, day. He's at the kitchen assembling a toy car]
BUTTERS
Loo loo loo, I've got some apples. Loo
loo loo, you've got some too. Loo loo
loo, I've-
LINDA
Butters, you have some visitors.
BUTTERS
Oh well hi there everybody.
STAN
Butters, listen. There's gonna be a
competition this Saturday, and we want
you to join our troupe.
BUTTERS
Wow, neato, a competiton? Why, I'd love
to. What kind of competition is it?
STAN
It's a dance-off. We heard you were
tap dancing state champion two years
ago.
BUTTERS
...No.
STAN
But, you were, weren't you? Y-you went
to the nationals in Nebraska.
BUTTERS
No. No no nono no no, no! No! No no
no no!
LINDA
Butters? Butters??
STAN
We just asked him to join our dance
troupe. We heard he was state tap champion.
LINDA
Oh. Oh dear. I'm sorry kids, it's just
that... Butters hasn't danced since
the tragedy.
MERCEDES
A tragedy?
BUTTERS
Waaaaah!
LINDA
I'm sorry, kids, you'll have to go.
[Outside. The kids leave Butters' house and make their way to
the sidewalk]
STAN
Damnit, where are we gonna get our fifth
member?
YAO
Hey I heard about this guy in Cuomo
who has a duck that can dance.
STAN
A duck? Dude, don't be stupid! Those
OC kids are professional dancers! Now
come on, there's gotta be one other
talneted person in South Park.
BUTTERS
Aaaaah! Aaaaah!
[A ranch. Stan and his troupe arrive]
STAN
All right, so you're sure he can dance?
RANCHER
Oh yeah. There he is. That's Jeffy.
YAO
That don't look like a dancing duck
to me.
RANCHER
Well, that's 'cause it needs music.
Here y-here ya go, Jeffy.
You'll do a line and I'll do a line, honeeey.
You'll do a line and I'll do a line, babe.
[the duck rises and begins to dance]
You'll do a line and I'll do a line, we'll fight an' screw 'til
the mornin' time.
Honey, babe, be mine.
You'll do a line and I'll do a line, honey-
STAN
Ih ih Is that the only song he'll dance
to?
RANCHER
No no, he'll dance to anything. See?
You'll snort K and I'll snort K, honeeey.
You'll snort K and I'll snort K, babe.
You'll snort K and I'll snort K, we'll fight an' screw all night
and day.
Honey, babe, be mine.
STAN
My friends, I think we have ourselves
a dance troupe.
[Butters' house, day. Linda walks up the stairs to Butters' room
and knocks on the door.]
LINDA
Butters? Butters? Come on, sweetie,
it's gonna be okay. Come on, Butters.
You went through a lot of therapy for
this. That was almost two years ago,
sweetie.
BUTTERS
Two years ago. Two years ago!
[the camera goes into Butters' eye and a memory of the finals
two years prior comes up. A girl dances, finishes, and takes
several curtsies]
ANNOUNCER
That was Beverly Long from Indianapolis,
folks. Let her hear it! All right,
and now, dancing to the song "I've Got
Something In My Front Pocket For You,"
here is Colorado state champion, Leopold
"Butters" Stotch!
SINGER
I've got something in my front pocket
for you
Why don't you reach down in my pocket and see what it is
Then grab onto it, it's just for you
Give a little squeeze and say, "How do you do?"
There's something in my front pocket, There's something in my
front pocket,
There's something in my front pocket-
BUTTERS
Whoops.
WOMAN
Paul. Paul!
BUTTERS
Wuuuhaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaah! No! Nooo!
Noooooooooooooooo!
[South Park, day. Chef approaches Lamont's Dance Studio with
his boombox and duffle bag]
CHEF
All right, children, let's get to rehearsin'!
We don't have much time, and you've
got to become the dance group you can
be. I think we should- Whoa. This...
is the dance troupe?
STAN
Yeah, dude, the best dancers South Park
has to offer.
CHEF
Oh boy. All right, well, why don't
you show me what you got? I wanna see
what you kids can do!
BOOMBOX
You can't step to my roots, so don't
try it.
You can’t burn with my group so don’t light it.
I'm on the Eastside crew and I'm better than you.
You like to suck my balls, don't deny it.
You can't bop her like me so don't go there.
You never find a bigger bitch player nowhere.
I put my jimmy in a ho, put off soul.
I'm a good listener and that's rare.
CHEF
Oh Lord have mercy. Children, children!
No no, you've got it all wrong. Don't
you see, children? You have the heart,
but you don't have the soul. Nono, wait.
You have the soul, but you don't have
the heart. Nono, scratch that. You
have the heart and the soul, but you
don't have the talent.
STAN
We're gonna get served on Saturday,
aren't we?
YAO
What? I don't wanna get served.
MERCEDES
Yeah, you didn't tell us that we might
get served.
STAN
Well that was the whole point of the
whole thing was that the guys came back
and they said we were gonna get served
and we were like-
CHEF
All right all right, quiet, children!
Now, nobody's getting served if I can
help it. We just gotta buckle down,
dig deep, and pray that maybe the other
team comes down with cancer.
[Butters' room. He's working on a little village, which might
be a model of South Park. Stan enters and walks up to him. Butters
glances back and then looks at his work again.]
BUTTERS
What do you want?
STAN
I came to ask you one more time to join
the crew. Everyone is practicing really
hard, but... I don't think we have any
kind of shot without you.
BUTTERS
Sorry, Stan, I'm not a dancer anymore.
I gave that up.
STAN
Your mom says you were one of the best
dancers in the country.
BUTTERS
Did she also tell you my dancing got
eight people killed?
STAN
Yeah. She said your shoe came off. It
wasn't your fault
BUTTERS
Yeah well, you tell that to their families.
STAN
Look, Butters, accidents happen. We
all have to live with that.
BUTTERS
I let those people down! Don't you
get it man?! Eight people died!
STAN
Well, it was nine, actually. One of
the women was pregnant.
BUTTERS
Oh what?
STAN
And eleven if you count the two family
members that killed themselves afterward.
BUTTERS
HAAAA!
STAN
But that isn't the point, Butters!
The point is that this is now! It's
on! And there are people who need you
to step up! Look, nobody likes having
to rise to a challenge. But competing
against other people and getting in
their faces saying "Haha! I'm better
than you!" is part of life. And if you
can't face that, then you might as well
sit here and play Leggos until you're
an old man.
BUTTERS
Get out of my room, Stan!
STAN
Fine. But someday you're gonna have
to stop running from what happened and
start dealing with it. Otherwise, you
might as well move to France with all
the other pussies.
[The OC Convention Center. "It's ON!!!! NOW!!!!"]
MC
Yeah, make some noise! Ladies and Gentlemen,
man, you are all in for a treat! Whichever
crew wins tonight, you wanna remember
their faces, 'cause the next time you
see them... will be in Lil Kim's next
video! Give it up for Lil Kim!
LIL KIM
What's up, niggaz?!
MC
This is gonna be a rough battle, y'all.
So let's give it up for the OC Crew!
And the challengers, the South Park
Diggitys!
JIMBO
Man, it is about to get crazy up in
here.
MR. GARRISON
Aww yeah.
MC
Aight y'all. It's showtime!
ANNOUNCER
Dancers to the floor!
MERCEDES
Stan. Stan, we have a big problem.
STAN
What?
MERCEDES
It's Jeffy. He sprained his ankle.
STAN
What happened??
MERCEDES
He was practicing the say takedown and
slipped on the floor.
OC MEMBER 3
Come on, fools! You dancin' or what?!
YAO
Can he move it?
STAN
Aw, what do we do, Chef??
CHEF
Rules are you have to have five dancers.
We have no choice, children. We have
to forfeit.
OC MEMBER 1
Looks like they ain't even gonna dance.
OC LEADER
They're too scared! Looks like they
already got served!
BUTTERS
Hey! Can I still dance with you guys?
STAN
Butters!
CHEF
All right!
MC
All right come on, let's do this! DJ!
Give us a hot track!
CD
Let's see you daaance, sucka! You've
got nothin' on me!
Let's see you daaance, sucka! You've got nothin' on me!
[the OC leader comes up to Butters and serves him with a balance
act on the right hand twice and a back flip, then returns to
the crew, spins on his head a few times, then ends on his side,
resting his head on his right hand]
Let's see you...! Let's see you...!
Daaance, sucka!
[brief instrumental. The Diggitys answer the serve with a sequence
that has the members twirling and handing off to the next one
until all point to Butters. He then steps forth tap-dancing.
He dances well, but his dancing gets intense quickly. The OC
crew is awed. It got served.]
Let's see you daaance, sucka! You've got nothin' on me!
Let's see you daaance.
[Butters' intensity is so great that his left shoe flies off
his foot and sails into the rafters]
BUTTERS
Waaah! No! Jesus, not again!
OC MEMBER 1
Aaaah!
OC MEMBER 3
Kill him!
MC
Folks, it looks like the OC crew is
dead. That means the winner is the South
Park Diggitys!
SKEETER
Woo!
MR. GARRISON
Yeah!
JIMBO
All right!
CHEF
All right! We did it!
STAN
All right Butters!
YAO
You dd it!
RANDY
You did it, son! You did it!
CARTMAN
All right, Butters!
BUTTERS
Noho! Noho! Noooooo!
THE END
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