EXT. REYNOLD'S EXTRACT BUILDING - DAY
An idyllic American factory. There's a huge, long lawn in
front. A Reynolds Extract sign in brick with
flowers/landscaping around it, sits near the entrance. We
see from the number of cars in the parking lot that it's a
company of about 50 - 75 employees.
INT. REYNOLD'S EXTRACT BUILDING - DAY
We are in a manufacturing area of an assembly-line
production. It's a big room full of intricate machines, huge
vats of different colored extract and other food flavoring
products, conveyor belts, bottling machines, etc. It has a
high ceiling with offices on the second floor that have big
windows overlooking this manufacturing area.
We PAN up to the main office.
INSIDE THE OFFICE
JOEL REYNOLDS, head of the company, mid-thirties, is on the
phone with his friend DEAN.
You should come by tonight. Half
price well drinks while the game's
You always give me free drinks
Oh yeah. Well come by anyway.
Yeah?... Might as well. No action
going on at my house, that's for
Really? The wife out of town?
No... I just haven't been laid in
You guys having problems or
No. This is pretty much normal
As CREDITS continue, camera PULLS OUT, back down to the
manufacturing area, past a big vat of orange extract, down
through various stages of assembly line production, then
follows several bottles of orange extract moving past
HECTOR, a Mexican immigrant employee in his thirties. The
camera stops on him. Talking to Hector is STEP, a short,
beady-eyed Charles-Manson-looking guy with a beard and
mustache. Step is in his forties. He makes everything he
says sound as macho and important as possible.
You get this job through Manpower?
I started here with Manpower too.
Started out on the line just like
Only I did better... 40 crates a
Beat. Hector is not quite sure what he's talking about.
STEP continues telling his tale in such a way that the only
polite reaction would be one of total amazement.
I'm the best sorter in here.
That's why they made me full time
with benefits. I'll probably be
floor manager this year.
A FEW FEET AWAY we see RORY, a stocky indie-rock geek, with
too many tatoos, hair shaved on the side with a ponytail,
lots of bad piercings, wearing baggy shorts with lots of
pockets and some kind of gothy T-shirt -- a look that ought
to be out of style by now.
Rory is putting stickers on boxes with a sticker gun. He
flips the sticker gun around unnecessarily between each
application, adding a few unnecessary moves/motions, slapping
each box when he's done, generally making the activity look
like more of a skill than it actually is. He approaches Step
and Hector, pulling out some fliers from his many pockets.
(hands them each a flier)
My band's playing this Friday, come
check us out.
Hector looks down at the flier. It's xeroxed with fifties
clip-art, cut out letters and the name of the band, "God's
Cock". Hector just looks at it confused, not knowing much
English, not sure what he's supposed to be doing with the
AT THE END OF THE LINE, where boxes are loaded onto pallets,
sits MARY, 58 years old, wearing a 15-year-old pair of acid-
wash jeans, and an oversized tweety-bird T-shirt, fanny pack,
and dayglow yellow triangle-shaped earrings. She's pear-
shaped with short hair. She's bitter and bossy, always
shaking her head at everyone. She sits on a stool with a
clipboard, looks over her glasses at Hector, shaking her
head. She talks to Gabriella, a Hispanic woman in her
You see that... That new guy.
He's holding us up. It's not my
job to tell them to hold the line
And then Joel's gonna come yell at
us, cuz he's not doing his job.
(folds her arms, fed up)
I'm just gonna sit here.
You're not gonna shut it off?
I'm not gonna hold the line. If
they're not gonna do their job, why
should I do mine.
Mary sits there, arms folded, lips pursed, refusing to pause
the conveyor belt.
INT. JOEL'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Joel is still on the phone with Dean.
If I don't get home before about
8:00, she puts on the sweatpants
and once the sweatpants are on,
it's over -- I get nothing.
(notices something down
Shit. I'm gonna have to call you
Joel hangs up and runs downstairs.
ON THE MANUFACTURING FLOOR:
Boxes start to accumulate and fall off the end of the line.
Step sees this, runs to shut off the line, yelling at Mary.
What are you doing?!
What are YOU doing?!
(pointing at Hector)
What is he doing?
A YELLING/BICKERING MATCH breaks out between Mary, Step, Rory
and Gabriella. Joel runs over, shuts off the conveyor belt.
All right. Now, what's the
They all erupt in more BICKERING AND FINGER POINTING.
Okay! Okay, everyone settle down.
Now Mary. Hector here is new okay?
It's gonna take him a couple of
days, maybe his English isn't so
good. You gotta be patient.
That's what I was tryin' to say.
And Step, if you wanna be Floor
Manager, this is the kind of thing
you're going to have to deal with.
Okay, now Step, Rory, Hector, let's
get this cleaned up, and get
rolling again. We can't afford to
fall behind today.
Joel walks away. People resume their posts. Mary starts
right back up with Gabriella.
You see that? We always get the
INT. JOEL'S OFFICE - A LITTLE LATER
Joel sits in his swivel chair, looking down at the production
floor, shaking his head. BRIAN, Joel's second in command,
walks in. He's a little older than Joel, neatly trimmed
beard, aviator glasses, and a bit of a gut. He wears a
Reynold's Extract golf shirt and Khaki pants. He walks over
to the window, joins Joel, looking down at the employees.
Jesus... They're like a bunch of
Tell me about it. Sorry I missed
the drama; I was showing boy-genius
down there how to back up a
ANGLE ON Rory, driving the forklift, handing out a flier as
he passes someone.
That's his whole career, driving
that damn forklift. You'd think
he'd wanna learn how.
Well, I guess he's got that band
he's in too...
(disgust at the word
I'll bet dollars to donuts he sucks
at that too. Then you got ah...
(tries to remember her
name but can't)
Dinkus down there...
No, the other one -- what's-her-
face -- she asked me -- or rather
"axed" me -- for more personal
days. Just like that. I told her
maybe if she figures out how to
fill out the time sheets correctly
I'll give her more personal days...
(Off Joel's look)
Don't worry, she will never fill
out her time sheets correctly.
Joel looks down at the production floor. Joel's POV:
ANGLE ON: Mary and Step bickering. Step walks off. Mary and
Gabrielle shaking their heads and yapping like a couple of
Look at 'em... I am so sick of baby
sitting these assholes.
(looks at his watch)
I better get going...
Joel leaves in a hurry, mumbling something about
INT. JOEL'S CAR - LATE AFTERNOON
Joel drives home, in a hurry, checking his dashboard clock.
It's an upscale neighborhood of McMansions in a town like
Lincoln Nebraska. He turns a corner, slows down suddenly
when he sees something.
NATHAN, a middle-aged, overweight, annoying guy is going out
to the street to get his mail.
(to himself, praying)
Please go back inside... Please
just turn around.. .Come on...don't
It's too late. Nathan turns, sees Joel's car and waves, then
crosses the street to Joel's driveway and waits to talk to
Joel pulls into his driveway as Nathan flags him down. Joel
begrudgingly rolls down the passenger side window so Nathan
can talk to him.
Hi there Joel! Glad I caught ya...
Nathan settles in like he's going to be there a while,
leaning with his arms folded, hanging inside the car,
How've ya been? I left you a
message last week. I don't know if
you got it or not.
Yeah, actually Nathan, I'm kind of
in a hurry here.
Oh yeah? You been busy?
Yeah, in fact...
(checks his watch)
I should go right now actually. I
gotta call the office before they
Well, real quick while I got ya
here -- what're you guys doing
Ah, I don't ah...
(realizes his should fake
Actually we're going to be out of
town that weekend.
Oh yeah? Where you going?
Oh, wait a minute -- I'm sorry, I
meant the 7th. Yeah, November 7th.
You'll be in town then right?
Great. There's this dinner Leslie
and I are going to. It's an annual
thing -- we do it every year with
the Rotary Club -- it's for
charity. It's just a whole lot of
fun, and we wanted to invite you
and Suzie to be our guests at our
I'm sorry, I ah... I just don't
think that's something we're gonna
want to do.
Really? Why not? It's a lot of
Oh, I don't know. Suzie doesn't
really like going to stuff like
Well, we wouldn't know anybody
there. She get's kind of
Oh no -- It's not like that. She
won't be uncomfortable. I
guarantee it. No, it's not like
that at all. It's not formal or
anything. Trust me. It's just a
real loose bunch.
I just don't...
I tell you what. Why don't we do
this -- I'll go ahead and get
tickets, since they're gonna sell
out fast. You talk to Suzie. See
what she says. Like I say, she
won't be uncomfortable at all.
Maybe I'll have Leslie give her a
call -- you know how it is when the
wives talk, heh heh--
Joel is about to snap.
Um, why don't we talk about this
(looks at his watch)
I gotta make this call before they
Joel pulls away, forcing Nathan to raise off the window sill.
Sorry... I just gotta make this
INT. JOEL'S GARAGE - CONTINUOUS
Joel pulls the car in, steps out and is shocked to see Nathan
right there in his garage.
Sorry, I almost forgot -- the
tickets are forty dollars a plate.
I know that's a little steep, but
the food is fantastic and it's for
a good cause. So that'd be eighty
dollars total. There's no tax or
Ah, look Nathan, I really gotta get
inside and make this call. Let's
talk about this another time.
Joel has his finger on the button to shut the garage door,
waiting for Nathan to get out. Nathan stops, just inside.
Oh, and if you need us to look out
for the house or anything when you
go out of town --
Joel's finger still on the garage door button.
Well, just let us know. Where you
guys going anyway?
Ah, just sort of a vacation. Look,
I gotta run.
Joel hits the button and the door starts going down.
Alright then. We'll see ya.
Nathan finally steps out of the garage. Joel breaths a huge
sigh of relief. Then,
ANGLE ON THE GARAGE DOOR:
As it gets halfway down, we see Nathan's legs, heading back
towards the door. Nathan leans down into frame as the door
Oh, Joel one more thing--
Joel lets the door shut on him, and bolts into the house.
INT. JOEL'S HOUSE - EVENING
Joel walks into the living room just as his wife, SUZIE,
enters from the bedroom pulling on her SWEATPANTS. A look of
disappointment on Joel's face. Suzie is a decent looking
woman, about Joel's age.
Man, that Nathan won't shut up.
Yeah, what an asshole. I don't
even go into the front yard
anymore. That wife of his is even
Suzie plops down on the couch looking tired and pissed off.
Joel sits down next to her.
We gotta get a new pool cleaner.I
don't think that asshole checked
the chlorine levels again like I
asked him too...
Joel puts his arm around her, caresses her shoulder. She
doesn't seem to notice as he starts getting fresh.
.and every time he is here, he
goes on and on about some problem
with the goddamn filter, and I have
no idea what he's talking about...
Delayed reaction -- she notices Joel is getting frisky. He
gets closer, starts kissing her neck.
I'm sorry. It's just... I'm a
little tired, and, I don't know,
it's the middle of the week...
It's not the middle of the week.
It's Monday. Why can't--
Suzie jumps up with newfound energy, runs for the remote and
turns on the TV. Joel just sits there.
Suzie plops down in a Barcalounger.
Sorry honey. Maybe this weekend.
Joel leaves the room.
INT. JOEL'S BATHROOM -- LATER
[Quick scene of Joel trying to masturbate (off screen of
course), but he's too distracted by the sounds of a bad out-
of-tune Idol audition blaring through the wall.]
EXT. SCOREBOARDS SPORTS BAR -- NIGHT
Establishing shot. A sports bar that's part of a Holiday
INT. SCOREBOARDS -- CONTINUOUS
Joel sits at the bar. DEAN, the owner of the bar, late
forties, and an old friend of Joel's, sits behind the bar on
I gotta get a house with a bathroom
that's doesn't share a wall with
Why don't you do that in another
bathroom. You've got three of 'em.
It would look suspicious. We never
use those other bathrooms... Maybe
if I had some insulation put in...
Insulation?... All I know is, you
shouldn't move man; you've got a
nice house. I mean you've got the
American dream really -- you own
your own company. I can't believe
you used to bar back for me here,
and now you've got all that.
But what do I have really? It's a
big pain in the ass.
I'm always working; can't stop or
the whole place will fall apart.
And what good does it do me anyway?
I don't get laid. That stock guy
with the shitty band that works for
me probably gets laid more than I
(trying to help)
Yeah, but he probably lives in a
Hell, I'd move into a crappy
apartment if the bathroom wasn't
right next to the TV.
INT. MUSIC STORE - DAY
CINDY, a girl in her early twenties, is at the counter
looking at a new Gibson hollow-body electric guitar -- one of
the really nice ones. The price tag says $3,950. She's
beautiful and sexy and all that, but there's something
vulnerable and sweet about her as well.
Two SALESMEN, typical music store employees -- long-haired,
goateed, nerdy cocky guitar-hacks are giving her way too much
attention. It's clear that they don't usually have women
this hot in their store. They practically stumble over each
other trying to help her.
Yeah, it's expensive but it's
sweet... Are you familiar with the
Gibson humbucking pickups?
No, sorry. I don't play. It's for
my Dad actually -- for his
fiftieth birthday. My sisters and
I are all pitching in.
Ah, that's nice... Your Dad would
love these humbuckings. They
really kick ass.
An annoyed MALE CUSTOMER has been waiting behind Cindy,
trying to get some help, but he might as well be invisible.
He tries to address Salesman #2, off to the side.
Excuse me... I just have a quick
Salesman #2 is oblivious, never takes his eyes off Cindy.
So, what kind of music did he play?
Both Salesmen's eyes are glued to Cindy as Male Customer
finally gets sick of waiting and storms off into the keyboard
I think he played like, jazz or
something. I'm not sure.
Well this is an excellent jazz
guitar. It's what Pat Metheny
Is your Dad into Metheny at all?
Oh, I don't know who that is.
He's like, a totally kickass fusion
guitarist. Are you into fusion?
I don't really know much about
I play fusion guitar so... Just
Um, do they come in any other
You mean different finishes?
There's a sunburst finish we might
have in stock.
Yeah, do you wanna see it? I'll go
Or I could go. Whatever.
Are you sure?
SALESMAN #1/SALESMAN #2
Oh totally./ No prob!/ I'll show
you the case it comes with too.
The salesmen practically trip over each other, going into the
back to find the other guitar.
Cindy stands there alone for a beat. She looks around. Then
casually picks up the four-thousand dollar guitar and walks
out the front door with it.
EXT. MUSIC STORE - CONTINUOUS ACTION
Cindy walks a few yards over to her car, a ' 92 Tercel, puts
the guitar in the trunk, gets in and takes off.
INT. MUSIC STORE - CONTINUOUS ACTION
The two Salesmen return -- one carrying the sunburst-finish
guitar and the other with the hard-shell case. They look
around, notice she's gone. They stand there for a beat,
disappointed, before they realize what just happened.
They run out the front door, but Cindy is long gone.
INT. JOEL'S OFFICE - DAY
Joel is at his desk. Brian comes in, excited.
You're not gonna believe this.
Remember the guy from General Mills
that called a while back? Talking
like he wanted to buy us out?
I thought you said he wasn't
serious; he was just sniffing
Yeah, well he's serious now. He
just made an offer -- I mean a real
offer this time.
No. It must be part of some bigger
strategic move, because it's over
market value I think.
Joel lets it sink in. He walks over to the window, looking
down on the production floor.
I could unload all this... I could
I mean, yeah, there's a lot of
details to work out, but this could
be great. They'll be calling back
next week, what should I tell them?
Joel looks down, sees Mary sitting with her arms folded,
shaking her head.
Tell 'em hell yes.
INT. MANUFACTURING FLOOR - CONTINUOUS
Mary sits with her arms folded, refusing to hold the line.
I already warned him. This is the
last time. I'm just gonna sit
In SLOW MOTION, we see:
- The first box falls off the end of the assembly line,
- Rory, carrying some boxes slips on the broken bottles of
goopey extract, falls and slides into an aisle.
- A forklift stops suddenly to avoid hitting Rory, causing a
huge stack of pallets to fall off.
- Quick shot of Mary shaking her head in slow-motion.
- Just as Step rounds a corner to see what's going on, the
pallets land on a bunch of pipes and high-pressure valves
which burst open sending a piece of shrapnel flying across
the room heading straight for
- STEP'S CROTCH. The shrapnel heads straight for his
genitalia, as we
EXT. REYNOLD'S EXTRACT BUILDING - DAY
Step is on a stretcher being loaded into a MEDIVAC helicopter
by a couple of EMS guys. Step moans in pain as Joel tries to
comfort him. A small crowd of employees watch.
ANGLE ON Mary in the crowd, shaking her head.
I knew it. That's what happens
when you don't pay attention.
INT. SCOREBOARDS -- LATER
Joel sits at the bar, on a cell phone. Dean sits behind the
bar on a stool.
(to the person on the
Uh-huh... Alright. Let me know if
you hear anything else.
He hangs up, talks to Dean.
Well, he's definitely lost one of
'em. They think they might be able
to re-attach the other one, but
they're not sure.
(shaking his head)
Yeah... I'm not sure how it
happened, but we have a great
safety record and we comply with
all the safety codes so... it was
just a freak accident. There'll be
an investigation of some kind I'm
Well, you have insurance for that
kind of thing, right?
Oh yeah. Of course. In fact,
he'll probably get a huge
Yeah. I would think so. I mean,
it's your balls...
Beat, as they contemplate the profundity of it.
Boy it really makes you stop and
think about how fragile we are --
especially our balls. They're just
hanging there in a little sack
between our legs. At any moment
they could be cut off forever.
Yeah. And your balls are really
important man. Your balls are
everything. What kind of life would
you have with no testicles? Can you
imagine that shit?
You know Dean, my life wouldn't be
much different than it is now
Except for once every three months
when I have sex with my wife. In
fact, I might even be better off...
Wait. Three months? I thought you
said it was once a month.
I did? I must've been lying. I
don't know... Maybe things'll get
better when I sell the company.
I'll be around more...
Well, I hope so. That would
suck... I get laid all the time.
(off Joel's reaction)
Ah, it's all right...
Actually, it sucks.
Yeah, sexual frustration is bad
news... You know what you oughtta
Get some Xanax.
Xanax? Isn't that for anxiety?
Yeah it is, but I find it's good
for just about any phsychological
problem. I mean, basically it just
makes you feel good, so it sort of
works for anything. I even take it
when I have a cold. It's probably
great for sexual frustration. Want
me to get you some?
You know what else is good?
Codeine cough syrup.
It's just good.
Joel looks at Dean for a beat.
Are you on something now?
No... Well, I guess I took some
Vicodin this morning. But that was
just 'cause I was hung-over.
EXT. PAWN SHOP - DAY
Establishing shot, a pawn shop in a strip mall. Cindy's car
parked out in front.
INT. PAWN SHOP - CONTINUOUS
Cindy is at the counter, the Gibson guitar we saw earlier is
in front of her. A PAWN SHOP GUY is counting out money. He
pauses, looks around, then speaks sympathetically to her.
PAWN SHOP GUY
Um, you know, I'm really not
supposed to say this... but since
this belonged to your father, and
since he passed away and all...
You could probably get a better
deal at a music store.
Oh, that's okay. Thanks. But I
just kind of wanna get it over
with, you know? It's kind of hard
PAWN SHOP GUY
He looks around to see if his boss is watching, then counts
off a FEW MORE TWENTIES, feeling sorry for her.
PAWN SHOP GUY (cont'd)
INT. CINDY'S CAR - MOMENTS LATER
Cindy puts the money in her wallet, along with a driver's
CLOSE ON THE WALLET.
Cindy shuffles through three or four different driver's
licenses. On one, her name says MISTY PATTERSON. It's a
Kansas license. She takes another one out from Colorado,
with the name CINDY METZLER on it and puts that in front,
then puts the wallet away.
A newspaper sits on the front seat. Something grabs her
ANGLE ON THE NEWSPAPER:
We see an article about Step's accident. There's a picture
of Step being taken away on the stretcher.
Cindy starts reading the article, with growing interest.
She scans the article, zeroing in on certain words,
".. .potentially big settlement..." "...no testicles..."
"several million dollars" then back to "no testicles" then
quickly back and forth several times -- "million dollars" "no
testicles" "million dollars" "no testicles"
ON CINDY'S FACE - A look of determination. She looks one
more time at the name under the picture -- Don "Step"
Wilkenson, then zeroes in on the words "Reynold's Extract."
She starts the car and speeds away.
INT. REYNOLD'S EXTRACT BUILDING - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
Joel sits with Brian. Brian has a clipboard, going over the
So obviously Step's not coming back
anytime soon. I had to hire a
couple temps. Is that okay?
Yeah, sure. How is Step?
Better. They say he's going home
in a couple of days. Speaking of
which, the guys at General Mills
heard about this whole Step thing.
They're worried. If Step decides
to sue us -- beyond the insurance
settlement -- it could be a serious
liability. They don't want to make
an offer until this thing has
Really? They think it's that big
of a liability?
Well yeah. Don't you? I mean,
think about it. Imagine if you
asked a bunch of jurors how much
you'd have to pay 'em to cut their
balls off? I mean, I wouldn't let
someone cut my balls off for a
billion dollars. Seriously --
unless there were some kind of
really expensive operation that
could give you artificial balls or
something. Would you?
No, I guess not.
Anyway, I wouldn't worry. He says
he's not going to sue us. Says he
"don't want somethin' fer nothin "'
and "What's right is right." If we
can just get him to sign something
to that effect we should be fine.
Boy, Step sure is being mellow
about all this.
Yeah, well I think when you lose
your balls it mellows you out. You
don't get as pissed off and
aggressive about things. I know
it's true for horses, and bulls.
Boy, it sure does make you think..
Oh, by the way, guess who asked for
a raise today?
to someone downstairs)
Dinkus. Can you believe that?
Brian, you call everyone here
"Dinkus." I don't know who you're
You know, Forklift-Dinkus?
Oh... I thought you call him "boy-
Yeah, well boy-genius asked for a
raise. I said, "are you kidding?
You nearly got someone killed last
week," and then he blamed it on
Dinkus over there.
You know Brian, you really ought to
learn the employees' names.
Well, I was thinking about that,
but hey, if this deal goes through
next week, I won't have to. It's
not like I'm gonna be inviting
Dinkus and Boy-Genius over for
INT. JOEL'S OFFICE - NEXT DAY
Joel stands on one side of his office looking down through a
long window overlooking the manufacturing area. Dean comes
in, walks over to the window, looks down at the production
floor with Joel.
Hey man. What's goin' o-- Whoa!
DEAN'S POV: It's CINDY, now working down on the floor, on
the assembley line.
Damn! Who's she? Is she new?
Yeah. She's a temp.
She's a tramp?
No a temp. Quit staring.
Damn, she's hot! Way to go.
Hey, I didn't hire her. She came
here through Manpower, like
everybody else. They just sent her
Manpower, huh? Maybe I should give
them a call. You don't usually
have girls anywhere near that hot
working here. What's the deal?
Yeah, I know. I guess it makes
sense though if you think about it.
Hot girls need a job just as much
as anyone else.
(thinks for a second)
Do they really?... Huh... You just
don't see 'em here. Usually your
temps look like winos. And they're
You wanna hear something really
She came on to me.
No way! Really?
Yeah. I mean, I'm pretty sure. I
could be wrong, but...
Hey, I'm sure she did. Are you
kidding? You could have any girl
I don't know about that.
I'm serious. Dude, you're the big
shot here. You're the king of...
What do you call that shit you make
Extract. And spray-dried
flavoring, and we're branching out
Yeah, you're the Extract King man.
You could have any girl here. I
mean, I wouldn't want most of 'em,
but her... Way to go Joel.
Dean looks down at manufacturing area, taking it all in.
So how did she come on to you?
Well, first she started asking me
about what happened to Step and all
that stuff -- you know, just sort
of making conversation?
But it really seemed like she was
flirting with me, you know?
Then, she just sort of asked me
out... I think.
Well, you see that guy down there
by the fork lift?
ANGLE ON Rory, the indi-rock guy with tattoos, etc.
His band is playing somewhere, at
some party this weekend, and she
asked me if I wanted to go with
Wow. So, you gonna do anything
What? No. No way. I couldn't
live with myself if I cheated on
Suzie... It'd be nice if I got
laid at home once in a while
(still staring at her)
Man, she is fine. You mind if I
hit that then?
Yeah, I do sort of...
We see a COMMOTION down on the floor. Mary runs out of the
Women's locker room SCREAMING AND YELLING.
INT. REYNOLD'S EXTRACT / MANUFACTURING AREA - CONTINUOUS
Mary runs over to where Hector is working, hysterical.
My purse is stolen! It's gone!
(pointing at Hector)
He did it! He stole my purse!
Brian runs over and stands between them, trying to calm Mary
down, but she keeps ranting. Hector looks confused and
Now hold on--
I won't hold on! I'll call the
What? I don'... No comprende...
Espera un momento Hector. Tu sabes
donde esta su... uh, purse?
ANGLE ON CINDY, watching the whole thing-- completely
unfazed.Joel rushes in.
Now wait a second. Calm down Mary.
How do you know it was stolen?
It's gone! That's how.
Well, what did it look like.
It was black with a fur, leopard
As Mary describes the purse, we
INT. CINDY'S CAR - AFTERNOON
Cindy sits in her parked car, going through the purse Mary
just described. She takes some cash, puts it in her pocket,
then finds what she's looking for -- the address book.
ANGLE ON ADDRESS BOOK.
Cindy turns to the Ws and finds Step Wilkenson. She notes
his address. She starts the car and takes off.
EXT. STREET IN FRONT OF STEP'S HOUSE - A LITTLE LATER
Cindy sits and waits, listening to the radio. It's a very
blue-collar neighborhood. She's about three houses away from
Step's house, keeping an eye on it.
After a beat, Step limps out of the house, walks over to his
pickup truck, painfully gets in, and leaves. Cindy starts
the car and follows from a distance.
INT. GROCERY STORE - A LITTLE LATER
Step wheels his shopping cart into one of the checkout lines.
He uses the cart as a crutch to help him walk. Cindy gets in
line behind him. She only has one item, a bottle of
Reynold's Orange Extract. Step notices her.
You can go ahead of me if that's
all you have.
Thank you so much.
(holds up extract bottle)
I can't believe I'm buying this
stuff -- I work at the factory.
Really? I work there too. Or, ah,
I used to.
Really? You're kidding! I just
started there. What's your name?
I go by Step. Yeah, I'm the
fastest sorter there...
As Cindy and Step get to know each other we
INT. JOEL'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Joel enters the living room. He first sees the sweatpants,
then sees Suzie is sound asleep on the couch. He sighs, then
turns and leaves.
INT. SCOREBOARDS SPORTS BAR -- NIGHT
Joel sits at the bar talking to Dean. Joel is drinking some
kind of hard liquor, getting a buzz.
I'm sick of it Dean. I'm sick of
being turned down in my own house
by my own wife. We're turning into
one of those brother-sister
Huh...Now that you mention it, you
guys kind of look alike too.
No we don't!
(takes a drink)
Maybe things will be better after I
sell the company... Or maybe it's
just going to mean more time to sit
around and contemplate not getting
Dean nods sympathetically.
What about that girl at work? She
still into you?
Yeah... she was really coming on to
me. She gave me her phone number
and everything. Told me to call
her if I wanted to go to that
party. Can you believe that? And
there's nothing I can do about it,
but just be sexually frustrated.
I've got some Xanax if you want it.
Like I say, that always works for
Well maybe you should call that
No, I can't. I can't cheat on
Suzie. I just gotta power through
it until I'm so old that I can't
get it up anymore.
What about if Suzie cheated on you?
Hmm... I hadn't even thought of
I wish she would.
You wish she would cheat on you?
Wouldn't that bother you?
Joel thinks about it.
No. I don't think it would
(occuring to him)
I guess that's weird huh?
Yeah, it's a little weird. Sort
But see, then I could do something
about all this sexual frustration,
without feeling guilty about it.
Do you think she would cheat on
Well, I don't know. Hmm... Maybe
if she were really tempted she
would. Like if some really studly
guy came on to her.
So you're saying she would probably
cheat on you if she was put in
You know what you oughtta do?
I don't wanna do any drugs Dean.
No, no. Check this out -- If you
really wish your wife would cheat
on you, it's not that hard to make
Hire a gigolo to have an affair
with your wife.
I'm serious. I know a guy.
You know a gigolo?
How do you know a gigolo?
This guy Brad. He comes in here
all the time. He's a friend of
Vic's. You could hire him to have
an affair with Suzie.
Come on Dean.
Why not? You said you wouldn't
care if she cheated on you. Then
you'd be free to go out with that
Cindy chick and get your ya-yas out
-- with no guilt. Problem solved.
(proud of himself)
Man, what a great idea.
Joel just shakes his head at the whole thing.
You know, maybe I will try some of
Dean reaches down under the cash register and whips out a
little box and pulls out a pill.
EXT. LAKE -- SAME TIME
Step's truck is parked out at a lake in the country. He and
Cindy sit next to each other on the tailgate, looking at the
I just believe that what's
right is right.
That's right Step, and what's right
is for you to send a message.
You need to send a message so that
a horrible accident like this never
happens to anyone else ever again.
That's what's right. And the way
you do that is to take them to
Yes Step... That's why I called a
lawyer for you -- that guy on all
the bus stop benches.
You did that for me?
Mmm hmm... I just want you to do
what's right Step.
They start cuddling, kissing. Cindy pulls away.
I'm sorry Step, your doctor said
you shouldn't get aroused.
No he didn't.
Maybe it was your lawyer, but he
talked to your doctor. And your
doctor said it's very important not
to get aroused until after the
trial... I'm sorry.
That's okay... You're so good to me
They start cuddling again.
Look Step, you're getting me turned
on, I'm getting you turned on... I
better just go.
INT. SCOREBOARDS SPORTS BAR -- LATER
Joel is starting to look really tweaked as the drug-alcohol
combination begins to kick in.
Dean is examining a pill under the cash register light,
trying to read the small print. He looks concerned.
Shit... Do you remember what color
that pill I gave you was?
Damn. I don't think it was Xanax.
I think that might've been
Ritalin... Or "Special K."
(feeling the buzz)
Ah, who cares?
It's just that, ah, Special K is a
horse tranquilizer, kinda has a
weird effect when people take it
but... well, don't worry about
it... You might not want to drink
too much more though.
(beginning to slur his
You know that thing you were
talking about? About the gigolo?
Do you think it would be wrong to
do that? I mean morally wrong?
(with full authority)
Oh nooo. Definitely not. What
could be morally wrong about it?
I don't know...
Look, if she doesn't want to go for
it, she doesn't have to. And if
she does, then she's the one who
sinned, and then it's perfectly
morally right for you to go out and
boff whoever you want.
Yeah, I guess you're right. I
can't think of anything morally
wrong about it either.
And this guy, he's a friend of
yours? What's his name?
Brad. You want me to give him a
I don't know. It's kinda weird
even talking about it.
Look, this is no big deal Joel.
Yeah. I mean, you can't lose. Just
say you're hiring him to come clean
the pool or something. See what
happens. If she doesn't go for it,
then at least you know you're doing
the right thing by being faithful.
Yeah, I guess you're right... I
don't know. It's crazy.
Dean pours Joel another drink.
Look. Have another drink. Think
about it... You know what? Why
don't I just call Brad and see what
he has to say?
Alright. What the hell.
Joel takes a big swig of liquor.
INT. SCOREBOARDS SPORTS BAR - BACK OFFICE -- NIGHT
Dean and Joel are talking with BRAD, the gigolo. He's young,
blonde, super good-looking, but clearly a complete airhead.
Joel looks really messed up now.
So it's two-hundred dollars then?
Well yeah, but don't forget, I'm
getting ten percent.
What, so you're a pimp now?
I don't think they're called
"pimps" when it's with male
prostitutes, okay. There's some
other word for it -- it's not a
"john," but it's something like
that. Besides, I'm the one who
hooked all this up. And don't worry
'cuz it's coming out of Brad's
So it's two-hundred dollars then?
Two-hundred and twenty.
Wait a minute--
Um, I have a question?
Brad looks at Joel, deeply concerned.
So like, are you gonna, like, watch
No no no. God no! It's not like
that. I won't even be there. I'll
be at work. Remember? We already
talked about this.
Brad looks blank, like he's not getting it.
What you'll do, is come to my house
pretending to be the new pool
cleaner. Then you simply try to
seduce my wife. Okay? If she
doesn't respond, you simply clean
the pool and leave. That's all.
It's that simple.
Hold on Brad for a long beat.
So, uh, you're not gonna touch my
ass or anything...?
NO! Try to pay attention okay? I
will not be there. I will be at
work. You come over to my house
while I'm not there, posing as the
new pool cleaner and then try to
Brad finally makes a breakthrough.
Oooh, I see. Sorry man. Yeah,
yeah. I get it now. You're not
even gonna be there...
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah... cool. No problem. This is
gonna be great!
Remember, she might not go for it--
Brad starts to get a little too excited.
Yeah, this is gonna be cool! I can
hardly wait! Awesome. Hey man, if
you know anyone else who needs --
you know -- what I do, like you
know, lonely housewives and shit,
maybe you could tell 'em about me,
Joel looks on with growing concern as Brad can't seem to stop
Cuz like, I figure if I did a
few jobs and I was, like, really
good? Then maybe they'd tell their
friends, you know, and they'd give
me a... what do you call those
Yeah yeah, those things. Then
those women could tell more women
and then it'd be like I was, like,
uh... branching or..
Yeah, networking! Totally. Then
if I got enough of 'em, maybe I
could quit my landscaping job and
do this full time. That would be
awesome! Cause I hate landscaping.
I like getting laid a lot better,
and my boss is a total dick...
EXT. SCOREBOARDS' PARKING LOT -- NIGHT
Joel and Dean are at Dean's car, trying to say goodbye to
Brad, who still won't shut up.
Like I say, if your wife has any
housewife friends who might--
Dean finally puts his foot down.
Okay, you've said that a few times
now Brad. Go on to your car.
Alright. Cool. Like I say--
Okay. See you later.
Brad finally leaves.
Let me drive you home. You're in
no condition to drive.
Joel stumbles into Dean's car.
Are you sure about this guy Dean?
He acts like he's never done this
Oh no. He does it all the time.
Don't worry. He just gets a little
excited sometimes. He's cool.
I don't know. He sure doesn't seem
Yeah well, what do you excpect?
He's a whore.
INT. REYNOLDS EXTRACT - EMPLOYEE BREAK ROOM - NEXT MORNING
A break room with a kitchen. Joel is badly hungover. He
looks like he's about to throw up as he reaches into the
cupboard above the sink, downs a couple of aspirin, then
drops some alka-seltzer in to a glass of water. Cindy comes
Looks like you had one of those
Where was I?
Joel nods, tries to grin and look cool as he takes a sip of
his alkaseltzer. Then his eyes go wide, he almost does a
spit-take as something suddenly dawns on him...
He runs out of the room.
INT. JOEL'S OFFICE
Joel grabs the phone and dials frantically. Dean answers.
Oh, hey Joel.
Thank God you're home. Ah,... did
that really happen last night? I
mean, did we go through with it --
with that gigolo stuff?
Ah, yeah. As far as I know.
Shit! What was I thinking?! We
gotta call it off. Right now. Can
you call that guy, Brad?
Tell him I'll pay him anyway,
whatever, just don't come over.
God, what was I thinking?!
Sure, I'll call him. No problem...
Oh wait a second. I don't think I
have his number.
What? I thought you called him
Yeah, but I got his number from
Well get it from him again.
Vic doesn't have a phone right now.
Shit! I'll try information.
What's Brad's last name?
Hmm... it's something like,... I
think it's a Mexican name.
Mexican?! The guy's got blonde
hair and blue eyes!
Yeah, I thought it was weird too --
a guy like that with a Mexican last
name... It's like Lopez, or Sanchez
Joel looks at his watch. It's 11:15.
Joel hangs up the phone, and rushes out the door.
INT. RECEPTIONIST DESK IN FRONT OF JOEL'S OFFICE --
Brian walks in.
Joel, we gotta talk.
Not now Brian.
Ah yeah, it's kind of important --
kind of really important. It's
Joel rushes past him.
We FOLLOW Joel as he rushes past his SECRETARY.
Excuse me Joel? There's a Brad
Chavez on line one for you.
I can't, I--
Joel stops suddenly.
Brad Chavez. He said he's done
with the job you guys talked about
at your house? Do you want me to
take a message?
Joel looks pale.
Um, no... He's the ah, pool
cleaner. I better take that.
Joel goes back in his office. HOLD on Brian, confused.
INT. JOEL'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Joel stares at the phone for a beat then picks it up.
Hey, is this Joel?
Hey, it's Brad. Mission
What do you mean?
I mean it worked. She totally went
What? What're you...?
(looks at his watch)
You weren't even supposed to be
there for another 45 minutes.
Oh really? I forgot what time you
guys said, and I was so excited
about it, I just went over there.
Joel sits down, freaked out.
(reality setting in)
So you mean she actually ah... you
Yup. It was easy.
Easy? What do you mean "easy"?
Oh, I don't mean easy like she was
easy -- like she was a slut or
anything. I just mean it wasn't
hard to get her to... Never mind.
No. Tell me. Tell me how it
I wanna hear everything.
Okay. Well, she let me in, so I
went back like I was cleaning the
EXT. JOEL'S HOUSE - POOL -- DAY
As Brad's dopey narration continues, we see the story he's
telling. It plays out like a bad soft-porn flick on Cinemax.
We see Brad wiping the side of the pool with a rag.
.I don't know anything about pool
cleaning, so I was just faking it.
She was in her bathing suit...
Suzie comes out and lies on one of the reclining chairs.
.So I struck up a conversation...
This is a really nice house.
Is it your Dad's house?
No. It's ours.
Wow, you look so young to be living
in a house this nice.
Do you have any sunscreen? I
Brad's dopey narration comes back in...
I thought that was pretty smart
of me -- to ask her to borrow
sunscreen. See, 'cuz that way,
once she gave me some, I could ask
her if she wanted some too, and rub
some on her back, instead of just
coming out and asking her to rub
some on her. Pretty smooth huh?...
We see Brad rubbing lotion on Suzie's back as she lies face-
down on the chair.
Once I was rubbing the sunscreen on
her, the rest was easy...
We see Brad's hands working their way down Suzie's back.
Just as they start to move down towards her butt, Joel
interrupts, YANKING US OUT OF THE FLASHBACK.
Okay that's enough! Stop!
INT. JOEL'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
I don't need to hear anymore.
Okay, cool. Hey, like I say, if
you know of anyone else, or if you
ever need me to do it again--
NO! No. Look, I gotta go. Bye.
Joel hangs up the phone and falls back into his chair, in a
state of shock.
(quietly, to himself)
INT. JOEL'S CAR - LATE AFTERNOON
Joel drives home from work. He still looks freaked out. He
notices something ahead, and suddenly SLAMS ON THE BREAKS.
JOEL'S POV: Nathan, the guy across the street is in his front
yard, puttering around with the mail.
No... not today...
Joel puts the car in reverse, starts to pull behind a parked
car in an attempt to hide, but Nathan notices him, waves and
crosses the street. Joel reluctantly pulls ahead to his
How's it goin'?
Oh, I'm kind of busy actually.
Yeah. Well I won't keep you. I
just wanted to let you know, I got
those tickets to that dinner we
talked about on the 7th. I think I
told you they were forty dollars a
piece, but it turns out it's a tad
more this year -- fifty-five -- so
if I could go ahead and just get a
check from you guys...
Look, ah, we can't go. Remember?
No, this is the 7th. You said
you're going out of town on the
Yeah, but remember, I told you we
didn't really want to go to this
Nathan looks dumbfounded. Joel is about to snap.
But I already bought the tickets.
I know you said something about her
feeling uncomfortable, but, like I
say, she won't feel uncomfortable
at all -- I guarantee it.
It's just a whole lot of fun. You
guys'll have a great time.
Look, I gotta get going.
Joel starts to pull away.
Oh, one more thing --
Joel just keeps driving, almost knocking Nathan over.
INT. JOEL'S HOUSE - EVENING
Joel and Suzie are eating dinner. Suzie has a glow about
her, looking better than ever -- relaxed, satisfied, etc.
Joel's has a quietly pissed off demeanor. They eat in
silence for a beat.
So... How's work?
Really? What's wrong?
Suzie looks a little puzzled. They keep eating in silence
for a beat.
I don't feel well. I'm going to
INT. REYNOLD'S EXTRACT BUILDING - JOEL'S OFFICE - DAY
From the window in his office, Joel watches Cindy working
down on the production floor. Cindy looks up, they make eye
contact for a brief moment. She gives him a flirtacious wave.
Joel waves back. Then Rory comes by, starts talking to
INT. REYNOLD'S EXTRACT /MANUFACTURING AREA - CONTINOUS
So you're in a band?
.Actually, I'm in five bands
right now. But Godscock is
basically the same four guys as
Fighthead, but Fighthead's more of
a thrash/skatepunk thing. Godscock
is more melodic stuff.
Cindy nods politely. Rory thinks she's interested.
So you comin' Friday?
(looks at her watch)
Ooh, I gotta go. Dentist
ANGLE ON Mary, on the other side of the room, watching them.
She talks to Gabriella.
See, there he goes again, slowing
Now she's a good sorter. They need
to hire more people like her.
She's so nice too.
Hector walks by. Mary just shakes her head.
I can't believe he's still working
here. You know Silvia can't find
her wallet. Thinks it was stolen.
And guess who was in the locker
room last? Hector.
They both look at Hector and shake their heads in disgust.
You know, I could get a job at
Southwest Airlines. My Niece works
there. I'd get better benefits
than we get here too.
Mmm hmm. I could get a job at
Gemco. You think they would put up
with this stuff at Gemco? Mmm mmn.
They run a tight ship.
INT. JOEL'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Joel's POV of Mary and Gabrielle, yacking self-righteously.
Joel looks on with disgust...
Brian steps in, taps on the door.
You got a second? I think we might
have a big problem here. I'm not
sure what happened, but all of the
sudden Step says he doesn't want to
settle anymore. I think he
might've talked to a lawyer.
Joel goes to his desk, sits down.
Like I say, General Mills isn't
going to make their offer official
until this settles.
Joel considers this.
I think Step is just chest-beating.
He does this all the time. He gets
all wound up, talks big, then he
always backs down. And that's with
INT. PAROLE OFFICE - AFTERNOON
It's a bleak looking office with rows of cubicles. We PAN
past several cubicles where hardass parole officers meet with
their parolees -- various gang-bangers, drug dealers,
junkies, a hideous transvestite prostitute, etc. As we pan,
each officer is giving them nothing -- "this is your last
chance," "You expect me to believe that?", etc. We continue
past officers giving them nothing, giving them nothing,
ending on a cubicle with Cindy, where a PAROLE OFFICER is
giving Cindy everything -- almost apologetic.
I'm sorry to even bring this up,
but you're not living with the drug
dealer anymore are you?
Cindy's parole officer is a sad schlub of a guy, about 50
with bushy grey hair and a mustache, he has a badge and a gun
on his belt.
Nope. I'm staying at Extended Stay
until I can find a place...
She smiles, flirtatiously waves her key/card.
I really feel like I've turned my
life around. Thanks in large part
It's okay. I'm just glad to see
you're doing so well... Ah, one
more thing I just need to ask you:
We had a little incident up in
Templeton a couple weeks back where
someone stole an expensive guitar
from a music store? Someone who
fit your description. You know
anything about that?
Huh? No... I was probably at work
Look Cindy, you realize you can't
screw up anymore right? I mean,
even something minor, and you could
go back to jail for a while this
time. I'd hate to see that happen.
Well yeah, but why would I steal a
guitar? I've got no musical
talent. I'm tone deaf.
They both laugh.
Heh heh, So am I. I can't carry a
tune to save my life.
Cindy acts fascinated by Parole Officer's lack of musical
talent. He happily goes on about it, forgetting about the
Yeah, I could barely sing the Star
Spangled Banner in school...
EXT. REYNOLD'S EXTRACT BUILDING - PARKING LOT - DAY
It's the end of the workday. People walk to their cars.
Joel turns a corner and finds Cindy right in front of him.
Hey Mr. Reynolds.
Oh, hey Cindy. You can just call
Okay Joel. So you going to the
Oh yeah. Right, that's tonight...
JOEL (CON T - D )
Yeah, I was thinking about it. Are
Yeah, definitely. Maybe I'll see
Yeah, I think I'll probably go.
Do you have the directions?
I'm not sure...
Here, I'll write it down just in
Cindy opens her purse. We see at least FIVE WALLETS, SEVERAL
WATCHES, JEWELRY, etc. She takes out a pen and a piece of
pink, girly stationary and starts writing.
I'll also put my number on here.
In case you want to call me some
time -- if you want.
Joel blushes awkwardly, like a junior high school kid.
Um... Okay. Sure.
EXT. JOEL'S HOUSE - EVENING
Joel pulls into the driveway and is STARTLED as he
practically runs over Nathan, flagging him down.
Joel MUTTERS obscenities as he reluctantly stops and rolls
down the window.
Hi there. Almost missed ya.
Hi. I can't talk right now--
Hey, I noticed you guys got a new
pool cleaner today. How is he?
We're thinking of changing
Look Nathan, I gotta... Wait, you
mean yesterday, don't you?
The new pool cleaner. You saw him
yesterday right? Not today.
No. It was today. The new guy.
What'd he look like?
Blonde haired kid, about this high,
good looking. Real good looking.
You sure it was today? Not
You're absolutely sure?
Yeah. I know it was today, because
I came home for lunch. I was gone
all day yesterday. Anyway, you
think I could go ahead and get that
check from ya? Like I say, it's 55
dollars a plate, so that'd be 110
total. There's no tax...
Nathan leans up to scratch his back. Joel seizes the
opportunity and pulls away, burning a little rubber.
INT. JOEL'S HOUSE - BEDROOM -- MOMENTS LATER
Joel is on his cell phone, yelling in hushed tones at Brad.
He has the door shut so Suzie won't hear him.
What the hell were you doing at my
Oh, umm... nothing.
Look, don't worry about it bro'. I
won't charge you for this one.
Won't charge me for...? You had
sex with my wife again?!
Well, I figured we already did it
once, so what's the big deal? I
mean, she said to stop by if I was
in the neighborhood, so... Besides,
I'm not gonna charge you--
Not gonna charge...? God damn you!
Yes you are gonna charge me! I'm
gonna pay you! You're not having
sex with my wife for free! And I
better not ever catch you anywhere
near my house ever again!
Joel slams down the phone. Then realizes it's a cell phone,
picks it back up and hits the "End" button.
INT. JOEL'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT
Suzie is asleep on the couch in her sweatpants. Joel walks
through, mumbles something about going to a party.
INT. JOEL'S CAR -- NIGHT
Joel pulls up to the house where the party is going on. He
stays in the car, checking it out.
Scanning Joel's POV, we see the band, Godscock, playing in
the backyard, with Rory on bass. They are set up on the
patio of this small two-bedroom suburban house. Most of the
people at the party are crowded around the keg, which is on
the other side of the backyard, ignoring the band. The band
sounds awful -- loud as hell, unmusical, uninspired. The
lead singer sings in that awful Eddie Vedder style, but even
more loud and overly dramatic. Rory acts all intense, in
stark contrast to the non-intensity of the music.
They all have that baggy-shorts tattooed mid-nineties look.
It's downright pathetic.
There's one drunk guy off to the side banging his head,
playing air-guitar and stumbling into the bushes.
Joel spots Cindy over by the keg, drinking, mingling. He
watches her for a beat, then shakes his head and drives away.
INT. SCOREBOARDS SPORTS BAR -- NIGHT
Joel sits at the bar talking to Dean, drinking a beer.
I can't believe my wife slept with
Well... I thought you said it
wouldn't bother you.
I guess I didn't really think about
it long enough... I just wish it
hadn't been so easy for him.
Yeah, I'm tellin' ya, chicks really
go wild for that Brad...
(Off Joel's look)
No, you're right. He may be a
stupid, dull-witted moron, but he
can get any girl he wants. Me, I
had to work for it. I had to work
hard, get a career going, take
Suzie out a bunch of times, marry
her. But not Brad. He gets to
waltz into my house and have sex
with my wife just like that. Oh,
and by the way? That little prick
was at my house again today.
No shit? What was he doing?
Take a wild guess.
Wow... You pay a guy to do a job,
then he comes back and does it for
I'm not going to let him do it for
free. No way. I'm paying him.
Really? How much?
Oh, I don't know. The same, I
Hmm... So should I get my twenty
dollars from Brad then or...
Joel shoots Dean an angry look.
We can worry about that later...
Look at the bright side, now you
can call Cindy.
I don't know... I feel weird about
it. Besides, she's at the party,
she probably won't be home 'til
You know what you need to do?
(rolling his eyes)
I don't wanna do drugs Dean.
Look, I know I joke around a lot,
but this time I'm serious.
(like a doctor)
You should try smoking a little
pot. It's just an herb, it heals.
Stress can kill you, and--
I get paranoid when I smoke pot.
Not when you just smoke a little.
Come on. You ever meet my friend
Willie? Great guy. Really great
(as if it's a positive)
He's the guy I got that horse
INT. WILLIE'S APARTMENT -- NIGHT
WILLIE loads up some kind of giant three-foot tall bong and
inhales a massive bong-load. He's a burly ex-football player
type who looks like he might have an extra y-chromosome or
two. Joel watches Willie, feeling a little uneasy. Dean
I've been reading about it --
they're making technological
advances now, coming up with great
drugs that can make you happy and
won't leave you with a hangover or
(holding in bong-hit)
Willie finally exhales. The exhale seems to go on way longer
than humanly possible, endless amounts of pot-smoke billowing
out (accomplished with special FX). He finally hands the
bong and lighter to Joel.
Oh, I don't know... I'm kind of a
light weight. I think that's too
much for me--
(still holding out the
bong and lighter)
Come on Joel. Don't worry, this
stuff isn't that strong.
(to Willie, re: Joel)
DEAN (CON T-D)
He gets paranoid when he gets too
Joel looks at Willie then at Dean, then takes the bong,
partly out of being intimidated by Willie.
Ah, what the hell.
Willie instructs Joel on the bong usage in the same
condescending way a weight-lifting instructor would.
Okay, now this is a gravity bong.
Have you ever used one before?
Umm, I think... no.
Okay, pay attention. Put your
thumb right here on the carburetor.
When I pull the plunger up and say,
"let go" I want you to let go and
Joel's POV: Looking down the barrel of the three-foot bong
with macho-man Willie holding the lighter at the bowl.
You know, maybe I should just let
(starting to get scary)
Bullshit! EXHALE HARD!
Mostly out of fear, Joel exhales. Willie puts the bong up to
Joel's face, lights it and starts lifting the plunger. Then
pushes it down.
Let go! Inhale! NOW!
Joel lets go of the carburator, inhales.
GO! GO! HARDER!!!
Joel inhales with all his might, sucking up massive amounts
of thick pot smoke as Willie pushes down the plunger.
WILLIE'S APARTMENT -- NIGHT
Willie, Dean and Joel sitting around, completely baked --
especially Joel. (We play most of the scene from Joel's
stoned, paranoid POV.)
Dean makes some kind of barely audible mumble -- or did he?
Joel's POV: looking from Dean to Willie. Willie sits there
with red eyes barely open. Willie turns slowly to Joel.
Oh, I thought somebody said
Willie looks at Joel, stone-faced, adding even further to
Joel's paranoia. He stares at Joel for a long beat. Then,
in an instant, he's right up in Joel's face.
Joel jumps back, scared shitless. Willie starts laughing his
Haaaah ha... The look on your face!
Man you really do get paranoid when
you get stoned.
(fake, timid laugh)
Yeah, heh heh...
Hey Joel, why don't you call that
What time is it?
Time for you to call her and
finally get laid man!
(handing him the phone)
It's twelve thirty. She might be
back by now.
Joel gets the phone number out of his pocket.
So what's this chick look like?
Oh, she's got brown hair. Pretty
hot. Kind of working-class
What do you mean by that?
Willie stares at Joel for a beat. Joel can't tell if he's
offended Willie or not.
Umm... Oh you know,...
Is she kind of slutty lookin'?
Beat. Joel's not sure if that was the right answer either.
Alright! That's how I like 'em.
Kinda nasty, heh heh...
Joel starts dialing the number.
I hope I don't wake her up...
Alright. At least you know she's
Try her again. Come on.
Joel hits redial.
Still busy... Man, what kind of
person doesn't have call-waiting.
I don't have call-waiting. I hate
call-waiting. Every time I hear
that goddamn clicking sound, I
wanna put my fist through someone's
Beat. Once again, Joel doesn't know whether to shit or wind
his watch. Willie stares at him, then
Haaa ha! Man you really do get
paranoid when you're stoned...
Seriously though, I fuckin' hate
Willie grabs the phone.
Here let me dial. You're too
Willie grabs the piece of paper with Cindy's number. He
looks at it, starts to dial, then pauses, realizing
Willie looks up at Joel, with slowly building rage, then
hangs up the phone.
I'll tell you why you're getting a
busy signal. This is my number.
Oh... You're joking right? Trying
to make me paranoid?
Joel waits for Willie to start cracking up. He doesn't. He
just continues glaring at Joel. We hear the FRONT DOOR
UNLOCK. Everyone looks.
Hi. Sorry I'm late, I...
Joel? What are you doing here...?
Willie stands up and walks over to Joel's chair. Dean
suddenly stands up.
Well, it looks like you guys got a
lot to talk about here so I think
I'm just gonna go ahead and take
off. Later guys.
Dean bolts. Willie moves in closer on Joel. Joel starts to
leave, but Willie blocks him.
Willie grabs Joel and throws him against the wall. Joel
tries to make a break for the door, but Willie hauls off and
punches him across the face. The ass-kicking begins as we
INT. JOEL'S HOUSE -- NIGHT
Joel limps into the house, his face bruised black and blue
from the ass-kicking. He looks awful.
As he limps into the bedroom as quietly as possible, he trips
on something, waking up Suzie. She turns on a light and sees
Oh my God Joel, are you alright?
I'm fine. I'm fine. I just ah...
got my ass kicked. Go back to
What? By who? What happened?
It was just... some guy over at
Let me drive you to the hospital.
You need to get checked out.
No. I'll be fine. I just want to
sleep right now, okay?
You sure you're okay? It looks
like your nose is broken, and your
Don't worry about it! People get
their asses kicked all the time!
It's no big deal. Go back to
INT. REYNOLD'S EXTRACT BUILDING - MORNING
Joel walks past his Secretary.
Hi Joel. Brian wanted to see you--
Oh my God, what happened?
Joel keeps walking, MUMBLES something about falling down some
stairs, goes into his office and shuts the door.
INT. JOEL'S OFFICE -- CONTINUOUS ACTION
Joel walks over to the window overlooking the production
area. He looks down and sees Cindy working, with her back
turned. Shakes his head.
Brian KNOCKS on the door and enters, looking worried.
Hi... Did you talk to Step yet?
He isn't returning my calls.
Shit... We've got problems. He did
hire a lawyer -- Joe Adler -- he's
that personal injury lawyer you see
on all the bus-stop benches. You
oughtta see this guy. He's a real
piece of shi--
(noticing Joel's face)
Oh man, what happened to you?
Oh, I fell down some stairs.
Damn... Well anyway, I hate to say
this, but I think we're screwed.
There's no way this Adler guy is
gonna settle for anything less then
bankrupting us. Says he'll sue us
into the stone age.
(clutches his head
Shit... I gotta talk to Step.
Brian looks at Joel's bruised face.
Man, everyone's getting hurt.
Cindy came in with a black eye
today. You hear how she got it?
Step did it. Can you believe that?
What? Where did you hear that?
That's what she told Mary.
But... Step? Does he even know
Apparently they've been going out.
I know, it's weird. They didn't
even meet here. They met at a
grocery store or something. Just a
Joel looks down at Cindy on the production floor, his mind
Anyway, we're gonna have to hire a
couple of new people because
Yep. And if it's okay with you,
I'd like to go ahead and fire
Fire Hector? What for?
You know, Mary's purse? Sylvia's
wallet? It's gotta be him. Who
else could it be?
Joel looks down at Cindy with growing suspicion.
No. Don't fire him. Just trust me
on this. Give him another week.
If anything else is stolen, then
you can fire him.
Alright. If you say so.
Brian looks Joel over.
Man, are you okay? Have you seen a
Joel's Secretary BEEPS in.
Joel, Dean is on line one for you.
I better get this.
Hey man. Sorry I bailed on you
like that last night. It's just
that I don't like to get involved
in other people's personal shit,
you know what I mean?
I didn't even know Willie had a
girlfriend. She must be new. Man,
Willie looked pissed.
DEAN (CON T'D)
I thought he was gonna take a swing
at you there for a second.
He did take a swing at me Dean.
Several swings. In fact, he beat
the living shit out of me.
Wow. Man, that really goes to show
you -- this town is smaller than
you think. You really gotta be
Joel hangs up and walks out of his office, past his
I'm not feeling well. I'm going to
go home early.
INT. JOEL'S CAR -- DAY
Joel turns the corner to his house and does a double-take as
he sees BRAD'S TRUCK going the opposite direction.
Joel slams on the brakes, turns around, chases Brad's truck
down and cuts him off, forcing him to stop. They both get out
of their vehicles. Joel is livid.
What the hell were you doing on my
Dude, you weren't supposed to be
home for another four hours--
Whoa, what happened to your face?
(trying to improvise a
tough, snappy comeback,
but can't quite make it
The same thing that's gonna
happen.. Your face is gonna look
worse if... GOD DAMMIT! If I ever
catch you anywhere near my house or
my wife again, I'll have you
For what? Suzie let me in.
Joel is stumped -- Brad actually has a point.
What the hell is wrong with you
anyway? Do you do this with all
your clients -- just keep coming
back and hanging around?
I don't know. This is my first
What?! I thought you were a
Look man, I know she's your wife
an' shit, but you might as well
know -- I think we're in love.
HA! Man are you stupid. You are
so goddamn dumb. You think she
loves you? You're nothing but a
piece of ass to her. That's all.
I don't think so dude.
Oh, you don't think so "dude?"
Well did you ever think about this:
she doesn't even know that I paid
you to have sex with her -- did
that cross your small mind?
How about I go home right now and
tell her? Tell her you did it for
the money. How about that loverboy?
Brad suddenly looks worried. This really freaks him out.
You wouldn't do that.
You don't think so? Watch me.
(realizing he's serious)
No... Dude, please don't. Please?
Joel starts back to his car.
Look man, we really have a special
thing going on. Please don't mess
Don't mess it up?! You're talking
about my wife! My house! Stupid-
Joel gets in his car and starts it.
(calls out to him)
Dude, you can't do this to me.
Oh yes I can...
Joel peels out, drives half a block and turns into his
INT. JOEL'S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER
Joel walks in, still pissed off. Suzie is sitting on the
couch, a little surprised to see him.
Oh hi. You're home early.
Joel walks over to the sliding glass door, looks outside at
the pool. It's filthy.
So how was that new pool cleaner?
Suzie is caught off guard -- wonders if she's busted -- but
she plays it cool.
Um... What do you mean?
What do you think I mean?... Did
he do a good job cleaning the pool?
Did he get all the... leaves? It
doesn't really look that clean. I
mean I'm looking at it, and I'd say
it's pretty goddamn filthy. Did the
guy even clean it at all? It sure
doesn't look like it.
Well yeah, I guess he didn't do a
very good job.
I think he did a horrible job. I
don't think we should use him
Suzie watches Joel leave, a slight look of guilt on her face.
Are you all right, Joel? You want
an aspirin or anything?
INT. JOEL'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Quick shot of Joel staring up at the ceiling shaking his
head, can't believe all this.
EXT. STEP'S HOUSE -- NEXT DAY
In a WIDE SHOT we see Joel's car is parked on the street. He
walks up and rings the doorbell. We see Step answer, talk to
him and then invite him in.
INT. STEP'S HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS
Step and Joel enter. Step's 300 POUND HALF-BROTHER sits on a
ratty couch watching TV, drinking a huge plastic bottle of
Pepsi. He looks like he's been sitting there for years. The
TV is deafeningly loud.
Wow, I don't think you've ever been
to my house before. Have you?
(talking above the TV)
Yeah, I don't think so. I would've
This is my half brother Phil.
Joel starts to motion "don't get up," then realizes that's
not happening anyway. Phil nods.
Hi... Hey Step, can we talk in
Sure, let's go out back.
EXT. STEP'S HOUSE - BACK YARD -- A LITTLE LATER
Joel and Step sit at a picnic table.
You know, my lawyer told me not to
talk to you.
You're not here to try to talk me
out of suing are you?
Oh, no... No, I'm just kind of
curious about... ah... So you've
been going out with Cindy, huh?
Yes sir. She's my girlfriend. We
might even get married after all
this lawsuit-settlement stuff gets
.so some of the guys at work are
saying you gave Cindy that black
What? That ain't true at all.
Yeah, I know it's not.
She got it from falling down some
Hmm... Look, you might wanna be
careful with Cindy.
What do you mean?
Well, I'm not sure how to put this,
but... You know, you got a lot of
money coming your way with this
settlement. You might wanna be
Oh no. No, she didn't even know
about that 'til after we started
You sure about that?
Oh yeah. I didn't tell her about
it for a while 'cuz I was kind of
embarrassed, you know? You don't
tell a girl you just met that you
lost one of your balls. Especially
a girl as hot as Cindy.
You know she lives with this guy
That's her ex. She broke up with
him. She's gonna move out. She
just needs to get all her stuff
You sure about that?
Oh yeah. She's moving in with me.
Look, I know Cindy's got some
problems, but she means well.
She's the best thing that ever
happened to me.
Well, okay... If you say so.
Another thing -- you just might
want to watch your back. Some of
the guys at work who think you gave
Cindy the black eye were talking
about paying you a visit -- you
know, getting even.
Oh. Well I'm not worried about
I could kick anyone's ass at that
INT. JOEL'S HOUSE - DAY
Brad and Suzie are by the pool which is filthy. Brad starts
coming on to Suzie. She pushes him away.
No Brad, we can't. I'm sorry, but
we have to stop doing this.
It's not right. I feel horrible.
Besides, I think Joel's getting
suspicious. And you gotta start
cleaning the pool too.
But I've never felt this way about
anyone before. And I've been with
a lot of chicks.
Uh-huh... Look Brad, the truth is
I love my husband. I really do.
This was all a big mistake. I'm
sorry. I don't know what got into
me, but we have to stop this. I
want to make my marriage work
again. I'm going to tell Joel
about the whole thing and just hope
he forgives me. And even if he
doesn't, at least I won't be
carrying around this horrible
feeling. I just can't stand that
he doesn't know.
Uh... This doesn't mean we can't
still see each other though, right?
Ah, yes it does.
Because of all the things I just
Do you need me to say them again?
Can I see you tomorrow?
How about next week?
No. Look, you gotta go Brad. Joel
could be home any second.
I'll call you tomorrow.
(just trying to get rid of
Okay. Okay, just go and we'll talk
Brad leans to kiss her, she pushed him away and he finally
God, what a moron.
INT. JOEL'S OFFICE - DAY
Joel sits deep in his chair, bummed out, staring down at the
manufacturing area. Brian walks in.
So... you ready?
The meeting with Step's lawyer. Or
lawyers I should say. It's today
Oh shit... Alright.
Joel drags himself out of the chair.
INT. REYNOLDS EXTRACT - CONFRENCE ROOM - DAY
JOE ADLER, is holding court with the various lawyers and
paralegals waiting for the meeting to start. As promised, he
is awful. He looks like Henry Winkler with an extra Y
chromosome and a lot of steroids. (Maybe cast Gene Simmons
with his hair pulled back in a pony tail.)
.You see, if both his balls had
been knocked clean off, he would be
a good case, but not a great case:
A man with no balls is no man at
all. He's a freak. He's barely
human. He's gross. And a jury will
never feel like they can walk in
the shoes of a ball-less, neutered,
he/she freak. But Step. He's
still got one ball - barely. He's
still a man. A man who's very
manhood has been jeopardized, but
still a man. And that manhood,
that very sense of what you are as
a human being is hanging by a
thread. Jesus, you can't get more
dramatic than that. That brave
ball, hanging on for dear life,
hanging on for justice, is going to
be the hero of this trial. I'm
tellin' ya this Step guy is the
fuckin' Holy Grail, the Powerball
Jackpot. And you all laughed at me
when I bought those bus bench ads.
But I knew the asses of those poor
slobs that sit on those benches and
ride those sweaty, stinking, cattle
cars are our future. And I --
Joel and Brian walk in.
Oh, hello. I'm Joe Adler...
Everybody starts introducing each other.
INT. REYNOLDS EXTRACT - EMPLOYEE BREAK ROOM - DAY
A bunch of employees including Mary, Garielle, and Rory are
talking, getting worked up.
.And when they sell the company,
Joel and Brian are gonna be the
one's who get rich, and--
And we're the ones doing all the
It's bullshit man. We should get a
piece of it. I work my ass off.
Gabrielle and I work harder than
anybody. I should be making what
Brian makes. If you add up all the
crates I move, I lift 10,000 pounds
a day. Minimum.
That's right. Here he's gonna make
a million dollars, and we're the
ones who do everything. I went to
college. For three years.
If we quit, this place couldn't
run. They wouldn't be able to sell
this place for anything.
JIM, a tall skinny 50-something guy with a ridiculously big
mustache and a little paunch, chimes in.
That's why what we should do is, is
we should all go on strike --
demand stock in the company before
it sells. If General Mills knew
we were on strike, they wouldn't
buy this place until the strike was
over. That way they'd have to give
Jim points to his head, gives everyone a "how's that" nod.
It starts to build steam.
That's right man. We should do it.
We should strike.
That's right. I could get a job at
Gemco like that. At Gemco, all the
employees are owners -- even says
so on the name tags.
Mmm hmm. I could get a job at
INT. REYNOLDS EXTRACT - CONFRENCE ROOM - DAY
The meeting is already in progress. On Adler's side of the
table are two other lawyers and a couple of paralegals. On
Joel's side it's just he, Brian and Joel's secretary. Maybe
one lawyer who doesn't say much.
Everybody has in front of them a small stack of documents.
The confrence room, like Joel's office, has a full length
window facing the manufacturing area.
Ok gentlemen. We've gone through
everything and the only way we
would even begin to consider a
settlement would be to the tune of
the number you see on the bottom of
page 18. Does everyone have this?
Joel and the rest of them find page 18. Joel is stunned by
(so pissed he can barely
get the words out)
We don't have this much money! Not
Not in cash you don't. Of course
not. But if you were to sell off
your assets: the property lease,
the equipment, the--
What the ff-- Are you shitting
me!? That would bankrupt us!
This is what I've been trying to
tell you Joel...
If you think I'm just going to give
up this entire company that I built
from the ground up--
Adler jumps up, dripping with phoney, forced indignation.
How about what my client gave up!?
His testicles! How about that!?
He walks over to the door...
In fact, I'll make a deal with you -
- we will drop this case right now
if you come over here and put your
testicles right here
(indicates the space
between the door and the
and let me slam this door like
Adler SLAMS the door ridiculously hard.
Go ahead. We can settle this right
now -- call it even. I will drop
this case right now if you let me
slam your balls in this door,
BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED TO MY
It was an accident!
Not according to our investigation.
We believe that, in fact, there was
INT. REYNOLDS EXTRACT - MANUFACTURING AREA - CONTINUOUS
The employees, same ones in the breakroom, are milling
around, talking, the idea of the strike gaining momentum.
Rory points up to the confrence room.
I heard those guys up there are the
guys from General Mills.
Employees' POV: Adler pacing around, yelling, Joel yelling
back, etc. [They can't hear any of it.]
See, now they're probably up there
negotiating right now -- cuttin' up
the pie that we baked. That's what
it looks like to me.
The employees all nod in agreement.
Employees POV: Adler pointing at his balls, pointing to the
door again, about to slam it. One of his lawyers stops him.
We gotta act fast. They could be
about to close the deal.
Yeah, and leave us out in the cold.
Yeah, then it's too late. If
they've already sold it we can't
get a piece of it. We gotta act
fast. We need to do one of those
Well, we better do it now.
Okay, who's in? We need a show of
force. Come on, it's now or
We PAN around the employees as the idea builds momentum,
ending on HECTOR, who looks completely confused by it all.
INT. REYNOLDS EXTRACT - CONFRENCE ROOM - CONTINUOUS
The meeting heats up.
Okay then, let me go back to my
previous offer: I will gladly come
down on that price -- I'll come all
the way down to zero and drop this
case -- if you go over there right
now and slam your testicles in that
I don't wanna slam my testicles in
the door! I want you to be
reasonable! You won't even budge
one penny! Come on!
Like I say, if you slam your--
I'll slam your balls in the door!
I'm sorry, did you just threaten
Brian puts his hand on Joel, motions him to calm down.
Look, we need to cool off a minute.
We'll be right back.
Brian leads Joel out of the room.
HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
I don't need this. I'm going home.
INT. REYNOLDS EXTRACT - MANUFACTURING AREA - CONTINUOUS
Joel walks down the stairs. The group of employees see him
and ready themselves for the big confrontation. Joel notices
them all looking at him and stops.
But they are ill-prepared. No one knows who should talk
first. It's incredibly awkward. They all look at each other
and mutter things like, "go ahead" "you first". Finally...
Umm... We were just uh...
Well, Rory was talking about how
you guys are doing this deal with
General Mills and we just think
that ah... We were considering the
idea of ah...
Well, we just think that we should
maybe get a piece of it, you know
cuz we do all the work... And if we
Joel's in no mood for this. He goes off on them.
You know what? Fine. Fine.
You're all in charge -- all of you.
(gestures to all the
As of now. You run the goddamn
place. Go ahead. In fact, you can
go up there right now and meet with
Adler. He may slam your balls in
the door, but woohoo! You're the
Joel storms out, leaving the employees standing there.
A BICKERING MATCH erupts over who was supposed to do the
talking, who said they would say what, who backed down first,
etc. "I was gonna say something but you interrupted," "You
didn't say anything when he was leaving, so I thought you
were quitting. I would've stood up to him."
As the argument dies down, one by one they all go back to
their posts, muttering.
INT. JOEL'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
Joel is sitting at the table, picking at some food, looking
miserable. Suzie comes over, gathers up her nerve.
Listen Joel, there's something I
have to tell you. I think we need
to be honest with each other.
Suzie sits down.
I'm not sure how to say this, but --
well, you've been so caught up in
you're work lately, and I'm here
alone all day and sometimes I just--
You banged the pool cleaner.
Suzie is stunned.
That's what you're trying to tell
me right? You had sex with Brad?
Yes I knew. I hired him.
Well I know you hired him, but how
did you know about--
I don't mean I hired him to clean
the pool, I mean I hired him to
have sex with you.
He's a gigolo Suzie.
Suzie is stupefied.
But... what... Why?
Joel is so fed up, he just tells her everything.
I hired him to have an affair with
you so that I could have an affair
without feeling guilty. I was
really drunk and on some kind of
horse tranquilizer and--
Brad was getting paid?...
So you've been paying Brad this
whole time? All fifteen times?!
FIFTEEN TIMES?! Jesus Christ
Joel sinks into his chair, shaking his head.
I only paid him once -- well,
twice. The rest was on the house.
Long beat as Suzie tries to let it all sink in.
You wanted to have an affair with
Yes. But I didn't.
Suzie paces around for a moment, reeling, processing all
this. Then, decisively,
Oh, I'm the asshole?
Yes! How could you?
How could I? How could you?!!!
You didn't have to have sex with
him. You could've simply said "No
thanks. Just clean the pool," but
you didn't, did you?! No, you took
him up on his little offer and had
sex with him -- fifteen times!
None of this would've happened if
you hadn't hired him.
Okay. I'll admit, I made a big
mistake. I was drunk, on drugs,
stressed, sexually frustrated and I
shouldn't have hired a male
prostitute to seduce you. But if
you had simply been faithful, none
of this would've happened.
Suzie just looks at him for a beat.
You're sick, you know that?
Beat. Joel can't really argue this point.
What do you see in Brad anyway?
He's borderline retarded. You
probably could've been arrested for
having sex with a guy that dumb.
That's it. I'm leaving.
Suzie heads for the door. Joel follows after her.
No. You're not leaving me. I'm
Joel opens the door, about to storm out, only to find
NATHAN, standing right there about to ring the doorbell.
Oh, hey guys. Glad I caught ya.
You guys hardly ever answer the
door. Heh heh.
They are both so flustered, they can barely talk.
Now's not a good time Nathan.
Joel turns around, storms off back into the house.
Oh, you guys goin' somewhere?
No. Look, we can't talk right now.
Well, you think I could go ahead
and get that check from ya then?
I'm just trying to balance my
Now's not a good time.
When would be a good time, you
I don't know.
See the thing is--
Great, what time?
I don't know. Just come by
tomorrow. I can't talk now.
Okay great. And if you could just
go ahead and have that check,
that'd be great. It's a hundred
and ten. That's two plates at
Suzie shuts the door, cutting him off.
EXT. EXTENDED STAY AMERICA SUITES -- DAY
Joel checks into an Extended Stay America hotel.(a chain of
hotels that rent by the week.)
Quick shot of Joel sitting alone in the room. He drops his
suitcase and glumly sits down on the bed, grabs the remote.
He turns on Spectravision and surfs the Adult titles, decides
he's not into it and switches back to regular TV only to find
American Idol is on. He stares at it for a beat, then flops
down on the bed and stares at the ceiling.
INT. SCOREBOARDS SPORTS BAR -- NIGHT
Joel sits at the bar, drowning his sorrows. Dean is over by
the cash register, tending to some business. Brad enters,
walks over to Joel. Joel looks the other way.
Hey man... I know you probably
want to kick my ass, but--
I couldn't kick your ass if I
wanted to. You're a good 10 years
younger than me, and I'm a pussy.
So why don't you just leave me
I just wanted to tell you, I'm not
gonna see Suzie anymore. You don't
have to worry.
Joel keeps drinking his beer, stares straight ahead.
The last time I was over there, she
broke it off; told me to quit
coming over... She said she was
gonna tell you everything -- you
know, about us. She's really into
you dude. I guess that's why she
married you an' shit... You're a
lucky guy... Sorry if I messed shit
Beat. Joel takes another swig.
Why'd you have to get hung up on
Suzie? You could have any girl you
Yeah, but I want Suzie. And I
can't have her.
You had her fifteen times.
Yeah, but she doesn't love me dude.
It's just not the same... Anyway,
just wanted to tell you that.
Well... You told me.
Brad starts to leave. Then he stops, turns around.
Oh, one more thing... I quit my
landscaping job... And I don't
think I'm really cut out to be a
gigolo. So I was wondering if you
had any openings over there at your
Brad, you had sex with my wife.
I'm not gonna give you a job, okay?
Okay... Sorry man.
Brad walks away. Joel stares at his beer for a beat,
thinking. He calls out to Brad.
I don't know... Maybe come by the
office tomorrow. Fill out an
application. I'll see what I can
Cool. Thanks man.
INT. JOEL'S OFFICE - NEXT DAY
Brian sits with Joel. They both look pretty miserable.
Brian looks down at some papers, shaking his head.
We're screwed. General Mills has
pretty much withdrawn the offer
pending a really favorable
settlement with Step.
(shaking his head)
Not only do we not sell the
company, we could wind up bankrupt.
(muttering to himself)
So I don't sell the company, don't
get the money, I'm bankrupt, I
don't get Cindy, I paid a guy to
have sex with my wife, and she
actually did it...
EXT. JOEL'S HOUSE - POOL -- DAY
Suzie is trying to clean the pool herself, struggling with
the long pole with the net at the end. She looks miserable.
Nathan enters through the back gate.
Nathan walks over to Suzie. She's in no mood for this. She
acts as unfriendly as possible.
Why are you cleaning the pool
yourself? That new guy didn't work
Yeah, didn't work out.
Boy, you just can't get good help,
So, did you get a chance to write
Look Nathan, Joel and I aren't
going to that dinner okay?
Nathan acts deeply disappointed.
Well gee, I wish you would've told
me that before I went and bought
Joel never agreed to this Nathan,
and neither did I.
Well, it sure sounded like you guys
were going. Leslie was gonna talk
to you about it, but you didn't
return our calls. I mean, I
already bought these tickets.
They're nonrefundable. I really
wish you guys had been a little
more clear with me...
It's the last straw. Suzie has had enough. She unleashes
all her pent-up aggression on Nathan.
Okay, let me be really clear with
you then. When we say "I don't
think so," or even "I'm not sure,"
that means "no." Why can't you
Well, I just--
Shut up! In fact, let me be even
more clear with you. We don't like
you! Is that clear enough? You're
dull, you never shut up, you never
listen, and we don't want anything
to do with you ever again!
Nathan freezes, in some kind of state of shock. He starts to
shake a little. Suzie just keeps going -- it feels too good
Is that clear enough for you
Nathan?! Is that...?
Nathan starts to go into some kind of seizure.
Nathan's eyes roll back into his head, and he collapses.
EXT. EXTENDED STAY AMERICA SUITES -- NIGHT
Joel pulls into the parking lot. He looks surprised, seeing
something on the other side of the lot that gets his
From JOEL'S POV, we see Cindy pull up and get out of her car.
Joel watches as she gets out with a grocery bag and heads up
the stairs. Joel gets out and watches her from a distance.
He sees her go into a room and shut the door.
He stares up at the door for a beat. Then, with a look of
determination, Joel walks up the stairs and knocks on her
INT. CINDY'S ROOM -- CONTINUOUS ACTION
Cindy opens the door, a little startled to see Joel, but
pleasant to him.
Oh... Joel. I ah,...
What're you...? What's up? How'd
you know I was here?
Ah, actually, I'm staying here too.
Down on the first floor, around the
back. I thought I saw you so I
Well, come in.
Joel enters, stands in the living room. Cindy heads in to
Do you want something to drink? I
think all I have is Diet Coke.
Joel notices MARY'S PURSE lying on the coffee table. He
stares at it.
Cindy comes back in with a Diet Coke.
Have a seat.
Joel remains standing, looking at the purse.
That's Mary's purse... Isn't it?
Right there. That's Mary's purse.
Oh that? No, that's mine... So
how are things at work?
That's Mary's purse. You stole it,
Cindy acts like he's being silly. There's nothing about her
demeanor that would make anybody think she's lying.
No. It probably just looks like
it. There's a lot of those.
I've never seen another one. You
probably have Sylvia's wallet in
here somewhere too, don't you? And
everything else that's been stolen
from my employees.
Joel, are you okay?
No, I'm not. That's Mary's purse
Goddammit! Okay? Everyone blamed
Hector. He almost got fired.
Doesn't that bother you?
Joel, I don't know what you're--
Hector! Hard working guy, never
did anything wrong. And what are
you doing with Step? You're trying
to screw him out of his settlement
money aren't you?
I have no idea what you're talking
Yes you do! You're the only reason
he's suing us aren't you? You know
how much work it took for me to
build up that company? You just
don't care about anybody do you?
What are you, some kind of
Cindy looks like Joel might be getting to her.
You can't even admit that you stole
this purse can you? You just can't
In fact, you probably can't tell
the truth about much of anything,
Cindy turns away from him, looking down at the floor.
I bet Cindy's not even your real
name is it? Who are you? Where
the hell are you from?
Cindy, still looking away, doesn't answer.
You can't answer can you? Because
if you said one true thing, you'd
have to tell the truth about
something else and then it would
all unravel wouldn't it? Then
you'd have to admit that you stole
this purse and God knows what else.
Beat. Cindy still looking away, down at the floor. We see
her eyes well up, about to cry, but Joel doesn't notice.
Well, I'm leaving now.
Joel picks up the purse.
And I'm taking this purse with me.
If it really is yours, you can call
the police and tell 'em I stole
it... In fact, I'm gonna call the
police and report it...
Joel walks towards the door. Then Cindy slumps down on the
couch, mutters something, still looking down at the floor,
her voice cracking slightly.
(still looking down)
Please don't report it to the
police. I'm on probation. I'll go
to jail. For a long time.
Well... Maybe you should've thought
about that before you started
ripping off my employees.
Joel starts to open the door.
Joel? Please? I'll leave Step
alone. I promise. He'll drop the
Joel considers this.
How do I know that?
You can keep the purse. If I don't
leave him alone; if he doesn't drop
the lawsuit, then you can report
Hmm... I guess that ah... Do you
have Sylvia's wallet, and Jim's
watch? Can I get those too?
Beat. Cindy nods, still looking down. Joel considers it.
Well... Okay then. I guess that
And I guess you just admitted that
you stole the purse. That's good,
I guess... A step in the right
Joel sits down on the couch also. With her head still down,
Cindy is weeping quietly. Joel doesn't notice, looking
So what's your deal anyway?... I
mean, how did you end up like this?
Joel finally looks over, notices that she's crying. He's
caught off guard.
Cindy breaks down and starts bawling.
Okay, now you see... that's what
I'm talking about. You're trying
to manipulate me now, and I'm not
gonna fall for it...
Cindy starts bawling even harder.
I really hope you're not faking
this right now, because I'm feeling
really bad. Are you faking it?
Cindy shakes her head "no."
I'm sorry, I was just curious, you
know, how a person ends up like...
Cindy suddenly starts BAWLING hysterically.
Joel stands there awkwardly, not sure if he should hug her or
comfort her in any way.
Never mind. I'm sorry...
Joel tentatively puts a comforting arm around her and she
leans in to him, crying on his chest.
He puts his other arm around her and she snuggles in even
closer. As her crying gradually subsides she snuggles in
even more. Finally, she lifts her head and they start
kissing. As they get hot and heavy we
EXT. EXTENDED STAY AMERICA SUITES -- MORNING
Wide shot of the Hotel. It's a beautiful morning.
INT. CINDY'S ROOM - DAY
Joel wakes up, looking more relaxed than we've ever seen him.
We PULL OUT to reveal that he's alone in Cindy's bed. He
sits up, yawns. He has a big satisfied smile on his face.
He looks around, realizes he's alone. Then suddenly looks
He scrambles for his pants, then looks relieved as he
realizes his wallet is still there. He sets down the pants,
then after a beat, picks them up again, checks inside the
wallet and sees there's still cash and credit cards. Then he
looks up at the chest of drawers and sees: Mary's purse,
Sylvia's wallet, and a watch, placed side by side.
He lies back in bed, and shuts his eyes, grinning again.
INT. REYNOLD'S EXTRACT /MANUFACTURING AREA -- MORNING
Extract bottles moving along the assembly line full steam.
Mary and Gabriella gossiping.
(looks at her watch)
Joel hasn't been in all morning.
can you believe that?
If we come in late, we get fired.
And here we're working our tails
off, and he's gonna get rich.
Joel walks in, bright-eyed and cheery, greeting people. He
walks over to Mary carrying her PURSE.
Here you go Mary.
Joel hands her the purse. Mary looks at it, not quite sure
how to react, not ever wanting to appear grateful for
anything -- not in her nature.
And by the way, Hector didn't take
it. Cindy did.
Joel walks off. Mary just shakes her head at him. She
whispers to Gabriella.
Can you believe that? Blaming
Cindy just to protect Hector.
INT. JOEL'S OFFICE - DAY
Joel is at his desk. Brian comes in.
Step's here to see you.
Really? Bring him in.
No, he's outside. At the loading
dock. Wants to talk to you alone
back there for some reason.
"Man to man."
EXT. REYNOLDS EXTRACT - LOADING DOCK
Step is pacing around, waiting. Joel comes out.
How you doin'? How's your, ah...
(looking down at his
Oh it's okay. Some days it still
hurts, but they've got me on some
pills. It's not too bad I guess...
Well... that's good.
They both sit down on the edge of the dock.
Look, ah... Cindy left me.
Joel's nods, not surprised, but sympathetic.
Yeah, it is a bummer... You know, I
thought the worst part was having
my balls knocked off, but you know
what the worse part is? Dealin'
with all this bullshit... I'm sick
of that Adler guy tellin' me what
to do. He's a real dick.
Yeah, he sure is.
The truth is, I just want to have
my old life back -- I just want to
go back to work. I'm a workin'
man; that's what I do.
Yeah... I'm beginning to think I
might be the same way... I'm a
little worried about what I'd do
with too much time on my hands.
I just lay around and watch TV all
Yeah,... I think I do a lot worse.
The problem is, if I bankrupt the
company, there won't be a job to go
You don't have to bankrupt the
Yeah, but then if I drop the
lawsuit, you'll sell the company,
and the new company might not hire
Well, maybe I don't have to sell
the company... You know I've been
thinking; all these years I've been
building this company, dreaming
about the day I could sell it and
retire, but what would I really do
if I retired? It's like that old
saying -- it's not about the
destination, it's about the
Step just stares at him blankly, he lost him.
I guess what I'm saying is, too
much free time might not be such a
good thing -- like that old saying,
idle hands are the Devil's
Step's never heard that one either.
I'm sorry, I don't do much book
What I'm saying is, I'm thinking
maybe I won't sell the company...
that is, if you dropped the
lawsuit. -- and remember, you'll
still get that insurance money --
probably a couple hundred thousand.
What do you think?
Hmm. That sounds fair... But
under one condition...
You make me floor manager.
They shake hands.
INT. REYNOLDS EXTRACT - MANUFACTURING AREA
Joel walks in with Step at his side. Addresses the
Hold the line!
Mary shuts off the conveyer belt.
Okay, listen up everybody.
(Waits for them to settle)
I've decided not to sell the
Gasps and murmurs among the employees.
And I'm making Step the new Floor
More gasps and murmurs.
And if anyone doesn't like it, I
hear they're hiring over at
Gemco... But just remember, at
Gemco, the owner doesn't know your
names; you never even meet him,
he's at an office up in Chicago
somewhere and you get an auto-
response if you try to email him to
complain about anything. Here, you
can come up to my office any time
you have a problem. Thanks.
Joel walks off. Brian catches up with him.
Huh? You're not selling?
It's about the journey Brian. The
ANGLE on Mary. She and Gabrielle start right back up.
You know, if Joel's going to put
him in charge, we should go on
strike. You know, at Gemco, the
union handles the strikes and you
don't even have to--
PULL OUT as Step cuts her off.
Quit yapping and get back to work
or you're fired.
Step walks off -- maybe pops a testosterone pill. Mary and
Gabrielle keep muttering and shaking their heads.
LONG PULL OUT as things get back to normal at the factory.
INT. CHAPEL - DAY
We are CLOSE ON NATHAN, in a coffin, embalmed. We PULL OUT
to see mourners lined up, taking a last look at the body.
Joel is among them. He looks down at Nathan for a moment and
then continues to his seat. A few rows back, we see SUZIE,
sitting by herself, dressed in black.
EXT. CEMETERY - DAY
Quick shot of Nathan's casket being lowered into the ground
as the priest says the last few words.
EXT. CEMETERY - A LITTLE LATER
People hug and console each other. Joel sees Suzie, walks
over to her.
Hi... You doing okay?
Yeah, I'm okay.
I heard you were right there when
it happened. That must've been
It was horrible Joel. He came over
to ask for that check, and I
Suzie breaks down, starts CRYING.
.I just lost it. I started
yelling at him. I said horrible
things. He had an aneurism and I
probably caused it.
I think the last thing I said to
him was "shut up." Those were the
last words he heard.
Joel hugs her, consoling.
It's okay, it's not your fault...
It's not your fault.
Suzie's crying subsides a little.
It could happen to any of us Joel.
Any of us could have an aneurism.
We could die at any moment.
Yeah, I know... I know... But we
probably won't. It'll be alright.
Suzie starts to regain her composure.
They stand there for a beat.
You wanna go get something to
eat... or something?
Beat. Suzie still sniffling a little.
Yeah, okay. Sure.
They walk off towards the cemetery gates. After a while,
Joel hands Suzie a Kleenex.
They walk a little further. Joel looks at the Chapel nearby.
Maybe we should've been married in
a Church like that one. Instead of
the Botanical Gardens.
I thought you liked the Botanical
Yeah, but... a church just seems
more -- I don't know -- official.
You think it would've made a
I don't know... So, are we still
Well, legally yes.
I mean otherwise.
Hmmm... We can talk about it I
They walk for a beat.
You know, this is really bad,
but... Oh never mind.
Well, as I was looking down at
Nathan there, I was thinking...
That's the longest I've ever seen
him with his mouth shut.
Suzie LAUGHS in spite of herself.
They walk off into the distance as we