Harold Ramis, Gene Stupnitsky & Lee Eisenberg
October 18th, 2007
IN THE BEGINNING... 1
BLACK an infinite void but at the center a SINGULARITY, a
particle infinitely small and infinitely dense that contains
all the potential matter and energy in the universe.
THE BIG BANG
A blinding flash of light as the singularity explodes,
particles expanding in all directions until they fill the
screen, a shimmering cloud of electromagnetic dust.
Then the particles start to attract one another to form
atoms, the atoms elements, the elements form molecules, the
molecules compounds, the compounds cells, then a cell
twitches and a PRIMITIVE DRUM starts booming out a Dolby
heartbeat as we witness the rapid evolution of organisms.
Then a big fish swims by and is suddenly swallowed whole by a
much bigger fish, and we rapidly rise from the depths and
pull back to reveal--
THE SEA 2
Vast, blue, rolling toward the shore, brilliant sun rising in
a cloudless azure sky.
A WOMAN emerges from the sea like Aphrodite, strongly backlit
to obscure her nudity, but we can see she is full-breasted,
long-limbed, toned and tanned-- perfection. Then a MAN rises
up out of the water beside her, and staggers clumsily in the
surf. Even in silhouette we can see he's far from perfect--
short, overweight. They turn to each other and embrace.
It's paradise-- for him.
(looking deep in his eyes)
I'm so hungry.
Yeah. Me, too.
The DRUMS get hotter as he closes his eyes and leans in to
kiss her, but she turns and walks away.
What should we eat?
Oh, you actually meant you were
hungry. I thought-- forget it.
Official White 2.
He follows her.
They walk toward the trees that fringe the beach. When they
reach the line of vegetation, the woman, MAYA, kneels, pulls
berries from a bush and pops them in her mouth.
The man, ZED, grabs a handful of berries and they squat there
noshing like Adam and Eve.
Mmmm, these are so good.
Mmrrunm, they really are .
When she turns away he spits them out in disgust.
Maya smiles and puts her face very close to his, their lips
You know what I'd really like?
(frustrated, but hanging
Yeah, fruit's good.
(he stands up)
You want an apple or a pear?
He scans the nearby trees.
(she shakes her head)
Umm, mango? Kiwi? Peach?
She shakes her head coyly.
He starts darting from tree to tree, hopefully pointing out
various options. She follows him.
Official White 3.
Plum? Nectarine? Passion fruit?
Okay, don't tell me-- papaya?
Pomegranate? Lemon? Lime?
Kumquat? Uh, cock? Cockfruit?
The game is no longer cute but he still plays along.
Watermelon? Honeydew? Grapes?
(this is a lot of work to
Starfruit, casaba-- tangelo?
(he doesn't even like her
Okay, I give up. Which fruit do
Zed looks. It's a beautiful tree with lush, apple-like red
fruit hanging from it.
Yeah, right. Okay.
Official white 4.
Because that's the fruit we don't
eat! It's forbidden.
Because we don't! It's a rule!
That's the Tree of the Knowledge of
Good and Evil. You don't eat from
that one. Nobody ever has.
Stop saying why not! I told you--
it's a rule.
So do you always follow the rules?
No-- yeah-- I don't know. We don't
have that many rules. In fact, we
only have one rule-- DON'T EAT THAT
Okay, fine. We won't. Forget I
mentioned it. I understand if
I'm not "afraid"--
No, really, it's all right. I just
thought you might be curious why we
can eat everything else that walks,
crawls, swims, flies, or grows in
the ground, but not that particular
fruit. And I thought you might be
the kind of man who's willing to
take a chance and start thinking
for himself, but I guess I was
She glares defiantly at Zed, then starts to walk away. It's
not Paradise anymore. Then like every man that ever lived
and will ever live, he caves.
Official White 5.
Okay! Fine! You want to try the
Good and Evil fruit, you got it.
He rips two ripe fruits from a low-hanging bough and hands
her one. They both stare at the fruit.
No way! It was your idea. You go
We both bite at the same time.
Zed considers for a long moment then decides.
Okay. Ready? One-- two-- three!
Zed chomps down hard and takes a big bite, but Maya fakes him
out and stops before her teeth break the skin.
(with his mouth full)
Got me. That's a good move. I'm
going to steal it.
He starts chewing and she watches as he gets his first taste
of Good and Evil. Then his face contorts in disgust and he
spits it out.
(gagging and spitting)
Yuchh! That's horrible. Yecch,
He frantically wipes the inside of his mouth with his
fingers, trying to get the terrible taste out.
So you're saying it's not good?
Yes! I'm saying it's not good!
He grabs his belly as his stomach starts to cramp. Then a
loud bowel sound and his eyebrows shoot up.
He runs for the bushes. Maya's attention gets diverted.
3 EXT. VILLAGE - DAY
A TRIBE OF PRIMITIVE CAUCASIANS. Dozens of huts surround a
mmunal fire pit where WOMEN in loincloths roll flatbread CO
and cook it on heated rocks. The drums start pounding out a
celebratory rhythm as the HUNTERS enter carrying a DEAD BOAR
on a pole, their faces marked with boar's blood, ritual signs
in honor of the kill.
The lead hunter MARLAK, is a hulking thug with a bony,
Neanderthal forehead. He cuts off the boar's head and drops
it at Maya's feet.
(forces a grateful smile)
Thank you, Marlak.
4 ZED'S HUT
Zed is lying on a pad of animal hides in front of his hut,
his guts still aching. His best friend OH sits next to him
sewing skins together, watching the hunters with envy,
jealous of the attention they're getting from the women.
If Zed is over-confident and reckless, Oh is his polar
opposite, nervous and risk-averse, the kind of guy who would
apologize if you poked him in the ass with your spear. He
may, in fact, be near-sighted and if glasses had been
invented he'd be wearing them.
Look at them. Hunters think
they're so cool. They don't think
gathering is dangerous? There are
thorns-- bees-- those big stingy
ants. I could hunt-- I just don't
want to. And what's with the blood
on their faces? They think that's
Official White 7.
(miserable with pain)
Do me a favor. Just kill me.
Why did you eat that fruit? It's
forbidden. Everybody knows that.
I couldn't help myself! Maya was
just staring at me with those pouty
eyes-- and those perky breasts--
opposable thumbs. And how about
the name? "The Tree of the
Knowledge of Good and Evil"? You
don't think that sounds tempting?
They should've just called it "The
Tree with the Fruit that Tastes
Like Shit." Then for sure nobody
would eat it.
Zed notices a VILLAGER squatting in the bushes right behind
Hey! Squanto! Give me a break,
would ya'! You got the whole
Why does everyone have to crap
right behind my hut?
I think, and I could be wrong, that
all the poop makes the ground more
fertile, which in turn, gives the
leaves in the area a softer feel.
It's a vicious circle.
Oh notices a very pretty young woman, EEMA, standing near the
communal fire with TWO HUNTERS. His heart leaps.
(calls out eagerly)
Eema turns, sees it's him and gives him a perfunctory wave,
then turns back to the hunters and says something about Oh
that makes them laugh.
Official White 8.
She doesn't even know I exist.
I want to lay with her so badly.
I don't see it. I mean she's cute,
but I don't think I'd lay with her.
Of course not! She's your sister!
It'd be like sleeping with your
which was a big mistake. I see
that now. You think it won't be
awkward the next morning but--
trust me, you just want to rip your
(shakes off the memory)
Listen, if you want to impress
Eema, tonight at the feast, do the
fertility dance with her, then drag
her back to your hut.
My hut's a mess. And what if she
So you give her a little tap on the
head. Women respond to that--
No. She only likes hunters-- not
They look over at Eema, who is now slowly stroking the shaft
of a hunter's spear.
I wouldn't read too much into that.
She kisses, then tongues the spear tip.
Okay, that might mean something.
The hunter Marlak walks by and stops. He's clearly half a
rung lower on the human evolutionary scale.
Official White 9.
You didn't hunt today.
Yes, Marlak. Very observant. I
was indisposed. Got that
intestinal thing that's been going
Marlak grunts and examines the primitive line drawings on the
walls of Zed's hut.
(points at a drawing)
What's that supposed to be?
It's a bear.
That's not a bear. That's just
some lines on a skin.
It's not a real bear. It's a
"representation" of a bear. You
know, a "picture."
Yeah. Like you'd know.
And what's that?
He picks up a skin with another of Zed's drawings on it, this
one of a big-breasted naked girl. Zed quickly grabs it and
holds it upside down.
That-- would be an antelope-- or a
deer-- a deerpalope.
(trying to look at it
It looks like Maya.
Official White 10.
(hides it away)
How could it be Maya? It's just
some lines on a skin.
Stay away from my woman.
Your woman? I'm not sure dragging
her into the bushes kicking and
screaming means you have an actual
Marlak cuffs him hard on the side of the head.
(calls after him)
Hey! Nice supra-orbital ridge,
5 A ROARING FIRE
The DRUMS kick up another notch as the huge boar roasts on a
spit over a roaring fire.
EXT. VILLAGE - NIGHT
The tribe is gathered around the big fire pit. The tribe's
SHAMAN, their medicine man and spirit leader, dances around
the fire in a boar's head mask, accessorized with way too
many bones, beads and feathers.
Zed and Oh are sitting near the fire, smoking something in a
long, decorated pipe.
Hey, Oh? Did it ever occur to you
that there may be more to life than
(taking the pipe from Zed)
Okay, I think somebody's had
Official White 11.
No, I'm serious.We're born into
thisworld, we hunt, we gather, we
eat,we sleep, we make babies--
You make babies--
--but why? What's the point?
You always get like this when you
Oh takes a big toke on the pipe, chokes, and starts coughing
No. Last night I couldn't sleep,
so I just laid there looking up at
the sky, counting the stars. There
were over seventy. Kinda makes you
think, doesn't it?
(looks up at the sky)
Really? I've been thinking about
it ever since I ate that fruit.
Don't you ever wonder what's on the
other side of the mountains?
There's nothing on the other side
of the mountains. Everybody knows
that. The world just ends. You'd
fall right off the edge.
(makes a sharp gesture)
But what if it doesn't? What if it
just goes on and on forever? Or
what if it's round?
(he picks up a round
And if you keep walking you
eventually come right back to where
He traces the circumference with his finger.
Official White 12.
Oh, yeah, that's plausible.
Zed flings the rock away.
A VILLAGER (O.C.)
(tries to cheer him up
Will you stop with that crazy talk?
We're at a feast. You love feasts.
There's women, there's boar meat,
there's an assortment of berries--
Oh looks over at Eema. Zed picks up on it.
Do it, man! Go dance for her.
You think? They're playing the
Jackal Dance. I don't do that one
Are you kidding? Go! Jackal
Oh summons his courage, gets up and crosses to where the
girls are sitting.
Zed makes subtle eye contact with Maya, waggles his eyebrows
and licks his lips. She laughs and looks away.
Oh starts dancing timidly right in front of Eema, subtly
jerking his pelvis, trying to be cool.
Eema just stares at him for a moment, then goes back to
talking to her friends. Oh looks over at Zed for help.
Zed mimes clonking her on the head.
Oh picks up a wooden club and hits Eema right on the noggin.
However, instead of submitting, she gets really pissed,
stands up and decks him with one punch.
Official White 13.
Eema glowers at Zed who feigns innocence.
6 THE FIRE PIT - MINUTES LATER
A hunter is slicing off hunks of boar meat for the other
tribesmen. Zed pushes through the small crowd waiting for
food and goes to the front.
Excuse me, hunter coming through.
Hey! Wait your turn! There's a
line here, buddy!
For your information I was in line
and I just stepped out to chew some
food for an elderly lady.
Suddenly a SPEAR is thrust inches from his face, stopping
him. It's Marlak, who towers over Zed. His cohort,
ENMEBARAGESI, short and stout, stands beside him.
Enmebaragesi said he saw you in the
garden with Maya.
Oh, really? And what if I called
Enmebaragesi a liar?
I'd kill you.
Calm down. I said "what if"-- it
was a hypothetical.
Marlak gets right in Zed's face.
Enmebaragesi doesn't lie.
Villagers gather around them, Maya and Eema among them.
Marlak puts his spear point to Zed's throat.
Official White 14.
Zed, just admit it. You're just
making it harder on yourself.
No, you just made it harder on
Okay, fine, you got me.
(gingerly moves the spear
Maya and I lay together on
occasion. We're consenting adults
and we have an adventurous sexual
Maya looks shocked, and tries to signal Zed to shut up.
You laid with my woman?
Isn't that what we're talking
Maya rolls her eyes.
No, I saw you eat the Forbidden
Oh, that! Yeah! I did eat the
fruit. I was just kidding about
Marlak knocks Zed to the ground. The DRUMMING stops.
Oh comes running over and gets between Marlak and Zed.
Hey! What's going on?
Marlak growls at him.
(quickly looks up at the
Oooh, shooting star.
Official White 15.
Zed gets to his feet.
Look, Marlak, this is crazy.
You're two of me. I'm not gonna
fight you over a girl, okay?
Zed starts to walk away but quickly pivots and throws a WILD
HAYMAKER at Marlak who easily ducks it, and it hits an
unsuspecting Enmebaragesi squarely in the nose.
And let that be a lesson to your
Marlak grabs Zed, lands two solid punches to Zed's mid-
section, and then clocks him with a vicious right that sends
him sprawling to the ground.
(standing over Zed)
Your father was a great hunter, but
you're like-- a girl.
The hunters laugh.
Good one, Marlak.
Now I kill you.
He's about to spear Zed when suddenly the Shaman screams and
jumps between them. The villagers step back as the Shaman
howls an incantation and shakes his magic rattle at Zed.
(leaning close to Zed)
We need to talk.
7 THE CAMPFIRE - MINUTES LATER 7
Zed and the Shaman sit side by side on a log, talking
Official White 16.
The Shaman is covered in skins, feathers, bones, beads,
animal teeth, antlers and horns, his hair a mass of long,
muddy dreadlocks, his face painted, his cheeks, nose, and
ears pierced by shards of bone. But if not for his
outlandish getup, zed could be talking to his pastor.
You really ate the fruit?
One bite! What's the big deal?
(halfheartedly shakes a
chicken-foot rattle at
You don't eat the fruit! That's
been the number one rule from the
beginning of time. Since the Great
Turtle climbed from the sea with
the Earth on his back, drank the
ocean, pooped out the mountains and
the first man fell from the stars.
I've always had trouble with the
Great Turtle Theory-- too many
Whatever. You're screwed now.
Really? How screwed? Like I knew
it was a rule but I'm a little
fuzzy on the exact details.
You're cursed, man, and if you stay
here then we'll all be cursed. You
have to leave.
Where am I supposed to go?
Up to you. From now on you're
completely on your own.
Official White 17.
Am I detecting a little jealousy
here because I now have the
knowledge of good and evil and you
don't? Well, you know what? I say
what I did was a good thing-- a
very very good thing-- and I'm not
leaving. What do you think of
A HUMAN SKULL comes flying in from off-camera and lands at
Okay, is that supposed to be funny?
He stands up and we see that the whole tribe is standing
around them in a wide circle.
Marlak bangs his spear on the edge of his animal-hide shield,
starting a rhythmical beat. The other hunters join in,
keeping the beat, staring at Zed with lethal intent
(to Zed, re the hunters)
You should probably get going now.
You better take this knife.
He hands him a flint knife with a leather-wrapped handle.
And some of the guys got together
and they want you to have this bow.
He hands him a strong hunter's bow.
I don't want to seem ungrateful or
anything, but you wouldn't happen
to have any arrows, would you?
An arrow zips in and sticks in the post next to his head.
You'd better get moving.
Zed looks around at his fellow villagers, trying to summon
what dignity he has left.
Okay, but before I go I just want
to say something. I know I'm not
the greatest hunter--
Official White 18.
Yes, or gatherer-- but there's got
to be more to life than this--
Kinda hard to concentrate with that
rhythmic drumming, fellas.
The Hunters keep the insistent beat, their gaze fixed on Zed.
(rolls his eyes; "these
guys are hopeless")
Anyways, I'm going away, not
because you're forcing me to--
which you are-- but because I
choose to. Yes, I ate from the
Tree of the Knowledge of Good and
Evil-- major misunderstanding on my
part-- and believe me I'm not
recommending it unless you're
interested in a very powerful
laxative-- but it got me thinking
about some pretty heavy stuff --
life questions, you know. So I'm
out of here, and anyone who wants
to join me is welcome.
He looks around the circle and sees Maya. She sees Marlak
staring at her and averts her eyes.
Zed looks at oh, who suddenly becomes very interested in an
imaginary piece of loincloth lint.
(looks directly at Oh)
I don't know where we're going or
when we're going to get there, but
I will lead the way--
(he picks up a burning
lighting up the darkness-- pointing
us in the right direction, and
keeping us entertained with
humorous anecdotes from my
childhood. Now who's with me?
He enthusiastically thrusts the torch in the air.
Official White 19.
Oh looks at Eema, then at Zed, and lowers his eyes.
Okay, then I guess I'll just have
to go it alone, which is fine with
--better, in fact, because having a
partner would just slow me down.
Oh can't look at him.
Zed shakes his head, failing to notice that the torch he's
holding has ignited the roof of the hut next to him.
The Shaman shouts and points at the now blazing roof.
They all stare as the fire quickly leaps from roof to roof.
I know there's a lesson in here
somewhere. Any thoughts?
The villagers scream and run off to try and save their huts.
(raises his spear, to Zed)
Now you die.
Marlak throws his spear and misses as Zed takes off running
into the forest with the hunters right behind him and the
whole village ablaze.
8 EXT. FOREST - NIGHT 8
Zed runs for his life through the dense forest.
The hunters chase him, shooting arrows at him on a dead run.
Zed dodges as the arrows zip around him. He veers left, then
right, then trips and tumbles down a muddy embankment.
The hunters stop at the top of the embankment. Marlak
listens for sounds of movement in the forest below, then
silently signals for the hunters to fan out.
Official White 20.
Marlak nimbly makes his way down the embankment, reaches the
bottom and sees something in the moonlight.
It's Zed lying on the ground, badly camouflaged with sticks
and leaves, thinking he can't be seen, but the shape of his
body is clearly discernible. Marlak raises his spear.
I see you.
No, you don't.
Yes, I do.
How can you see me if I'm not here?
You're trying to trick me.
Okay, then tell me this-- who's
standing right behind you?
You think I'm going to turn around
and look, but I'm not.
(pulls his knife)
I'm going to gut you like a pig.
He is about to plunge his knife into Zed when suddenly he is
struck from behind by a heavy tree branch. He falls heavily,
knocked senseless by Oh who is standing over him with the
Zed sits up and smiles gratefully at Oh.
I guess I'm with you.
Was it my speech?
No, the fire. I lost everything.
Official White 21.
But the speech was pretty good,
right? I mean, even I was moved
and I was the one speaking.
Can we talk about this later?
Oh pulls Zed to his feet, and they sneak off into the deep
9 EXT. A FOREST PATH - LATER THAT NIGHT 9
CRICKETS. Zed and Oh walk through the moonlit forest.
This is nice, out here, the two of
Yeah, it's great.
Come on, those hunters are idiots.
In an hour they'll forget the whole
I don't think they'll forget the
You know what we should do? You
and me should kill the biggest boar
ever-- just huge!-- and take it
back to the village. Just to show
them. And we won't let anyone else
eat it. They'll have to watch us
If it's that huge how would we
carry it back?
Fine, we'll just start with
something small. A squirrel or
Official White 22.
Yeah, we'll make everyone watch us
eat a squirrel. Will you get real?
There's no going back! There's,
nothing to go back to! It's just
Yeah, like it's so hard to build a
new hut. It's just a pile of
sticks and dung--
You're a pile of sticks and dung.
Suddenly, Zed stops and stands perfectly still.
(through clenched teeth)
What are you doing?
Zed makes a minimal gesture with his head. Oh looks up.
A COUGAR crouches on a tree limb above them, poised to leap.
Oh freezes. They talk like ventriloquists.
Don't move a muscle.
Will that work?
(without moving his lips)
I don't know. There's two
different opinions on this one.
Some say run, some say don't.
What are you going to do?
I'm going to-- RUN!
He sprints off and the cougar pounces right on oh.
Official White 23.
10 EXT. A FIRE - DAYBREAK 10
Zed is holding a stick over the fire, cooking what looks like
a squirrel or a muskrat.
Oh comes out of the forest carrying a huge armload of sticks
and branches. One of Oh's sticks falls, and as he carefully
reaches down to grab it, the rest spill out on the ground.
Oh sighs. His body is covered with long claw marks.
You really should put some maggots
on those scratches. They look
I just want to know why you told me
not to move, and you ran.
Because I honestly thought he'd go
for me. I thought I was doing you
a favor. Apparently not
Yeah, big favor.
You didn't have to come with me,
you know. I didn't ask you to
Yes, you did! You looked right at
Yes, that's a technique of public
speaking, but I didn't ask you
specifically. You chose to come.
You gotta take some responsibility
for that. And there's no point
coming if you're just gonna keep
whining about every little-- cougar
that attacks you.
(pulls the cooked rodent
from the fire)
You want some or not?
Official White 24.
No, eat your weasel. You deserve
He turns his back to Zed, and starts sorting through the pile
You making your own fire?
No, arrows. We're going to need
You're still coming?
Zed claps him on the back and hugs him exuberantly. Oh
winces in pain.
11 EXT. HIGHLANDS - DAY 11
Zed and Oh are hiking uphill, the lush, dense verdure of the
forest now thinning to evergreens and mountain heather.
12 THE MOUNTAINS - LATER 12
Zed and Oh climbing higher now. Finally, they reach the top
and look out at the vista.
From their vantage point they can see a high plateau and
wooded land stretching far beyond it.
I knew it! Still think you're just
gonna fall off the edge of the
Official White 25.
He takes a step forward, the rock shelf gives way beneath his
feet and he falls a great distance, screaming all the way
down, bouncing painfully off the big boulders, then a long,
tumbling slide over sharp rocks and gravel to the bottom.
(then calls out)
I'll go around! Wait for me!
13 EXT. FOREST - LATER 13
Zed is following a trail downhill through the forest on the
other side of the mountains. Oh is limping along behind him,
bitten, clawed, cut, scraped and bruised.
Say what you want, but that was no
accident. You don't see a pattern
I see a pattern. Every time
something terrible can happen to
me, it does.
Yeah, but why? Why'd the cougar go
for you and not me? Why did you
fall and I didn't? Hard to believe
it's all just random. Think about
J; avdganly MI , I ) ia htintI! f 1 inWROM m 11W, 10
looks around the forest clearing for subtle signs.
(sniffing the air)
People-- more than one-- walking--
(he guesses) that way.
You think? There's about a
thousand footprints here.
Official White 26.
He indicates the heavily trampled forest floor.
He drops to one knee and examines something in the bushes.
They stopped here to poop. Look.
No, thank you.
Four men, maybe five. And a child--
or a small women maybe.
(a little disgusted)
(poking at the evidence)
Looks like they had some nuts--
dried fruit-- some kind of green
Okay! Enough! Can we just go?
Maybe we can find where they peed.
14 Then Zed sees light through the trees and creeps 14
stealthily to the tree line. Oh creeps up beside him and
they peer through the bushes.
THREE COWS are grazing in a green pasture. Beyond it, well-
tended fields of growing grain.
Zed snaps into stalking mode, ducks down and silently signals
Oh to be quiet and stay put.
This one's mine.
He takes his bow, pulls an arrow from his quiver, and slowly
draws the bow, taking deadly aim at one of the cows. He
The blunt, pointless arrow hits the cow in the side and
bounces off. The cow looks up.
Official White 27.
We're gonna need some arrowheads.
Zed draws his flint knife, then suddenly bursts out of the
forest, dashes toward the cow and leaps on its back.
Oh comes running up as the cow bucks and sends Zed flying.
Lying on the ground, Zed looks up and sees TWO SURPRISED
YOUNG FARMERS dressed in simple white woolen tunics staring
FIRST YOUNG FARMER
Did you just shoot my cow?
(getting painfully to his
Yeah, well-- we're hunters.
(covering for himself)
He's a hunter. I'm more of a
"maker." I made this loincloth, I
do arrows-- I made a shelf unit for
What do you guys do?
SECOND YOUNG FARMER
What does it look like? We're
FIRST YOUNG FARMER
He's a farmer; I'm a herdsman.
SECOND YOUNG FARMER
You're a suck, is what you are.
FIRST YOUNG FARMER
My brother, Cain. I am called
You are called suck.
My brother is angry because God
looked on my sacrifice with favor.
Official White 28.
"God looked on my sacrifice with
Okay, is he a total suck or what?
Well, it's hard to say-- we just
Why are you dragging them into
this? What do they know? They're
You think you're so superior to
Superior-er than you.
Really? Let's see how good you are
at getting your ass kicked.
Yeah? Bring it!
(shoves him back)
Okay, boys, that's enough. We just
(won't let it go)
No! This smug asshole insulted you
and I want him to take it back.
We're not really that insulted--
(pushes Abel hard)
Take it back!
Official White 29.
Zed steps between them, trying to make peace.
Boys, boys! You're brothers!
Let's just relax and--
Cain uses the distraction to sneak-punch Abel and the fight
is on. They start throwing wild punches, then clinch and
wrestle each other to the ground.
Shouldn't we do something?
Just let them settle it.
Cain picks up a good-size rock and strikes Abel on the head
with all his might. Abel falls heavily to the ground and
lies there, not moving. Cain stands over him, breathing
I guess that settles it.
(turns on him sharply,
still holding the bloody
Cain stares at Abel, still inert on the ground.
He's all right. Probably just
Probably just tuckered out from the
(looking around nervously)
Official White 30.
Maybe I should throw some dirt on
him-- keep him warm 'til he wakes
He starts kicking dirt over Abel's body.
This is bad. This is really bad.
We're in serious trouble.
Hey! What do you mean "we"? I
don't want to play the blame game,
but you're the one who hit him.
(turns on them)
You could've stopped me! There's
two of you and only one of me.
We didn't know you were going to
You calling me a murderer?
(he clutches the rock)
Did I say that?
It was an accident!
Right! You were holding the rock
and he-- accidentally ran into it--
really hard-- with his head.
Okay-- yeah-- good. But it might
be better if we don't mention the
"accident" to anyone. People might
get the wrong idea. Understand?
Oh, yeah, people could so easily
Official White 31.
Why even bring it up?
I like you guys. You're all right.
Why don't you come with me? Have
supper with the family.
Unfortunately we already have
I think you should come with me.
why don't we go with you?
15 EXT. THE FIELD - A LITTLE LATER 15
Cain finishes loading bushels of grain onto an oxcart while
Zed and Oh closely inspect the big, heavy, solid wooden
wheels on the cart.
What are the big round things for?
They're wheels, numbskull. They
make the cart roll.
Wow! That is like the greatest
invention since the vagina.
Cain whips the oxen and they lumber forward.
Oh screams as the HEAVY WHEELS ROLL OVER HIS FEET.
16 CLOSE ON ZED AND OH 16
They look really thrilled, wind blowing through their hair,
their hands up like roller-coaster riders.
Official White 32.
ZED AND OH
Woooo! Woooo! Yeah!
PULL BACK TO
with them riding on it, plodding slowly into a FARMING
HAMLET,°a cluster of small, roughly plastered mud houses with
ADAM, dour, hard-working and long-suffering, but still strong
and upright, trudges home with a metal scythe over his
shoulder. He could be Max Von Sydow.
Cain, my son!
Cain stops the cart and dismounts with Zed and Oh.
Can these guys stay for supper?
(off Adam's questioning
I bring strangers who would sojourn
with us this night.
Cain turns to Zed and Oh and furtively mimes an elaborate lip-
sewing gesture, ancient precursor to the modern lip-zipper.
Greetings, strangers. I am called
Adam and you are welcome to share
the fruits of our toil.
Thanks, but I'm kind of staying
away from fruit for the time being.
Zed gives Cain a subtle, acquiescent nod as Adam ushers them
into his crude dwelling.
17 INT. ADAM'S DWELLING - NIGHTFALL
The rude dwelling has a stark, somber, almost Amish feeling
to it. Zed and Oh sit at the table sharing a simple meal youngest
with Adam, Cain and his
Adam's wife EVE and h
them, Lilith's tunic gaping open to reveal her breasts every
time she leans over to put something on the table. Zed and
Oh can't take their eyes off her.
Where is thy brother, Abel?
Abel? Haven't seen him. I thought
he was with you.
(to Zed and Oh)
You guys see him?
They shake their heads and cough nervously.
ZED AND OH
Nape. Not that I remember. Never
seen anybody-- anywhere-- anytime --
Your sister Lilith said she saw him
in the field with you.
I think that was yesterday.
No, this day. She said you both
That might've been Boaz---
No, you and Abel. She said it
looked like you were arguing.
Hey, we're brothers, we argue
sometimes- it's not that big a
Official White 34.
And his flock was untended in the
Okay! What am I-- his keeper? Get
off my back, will you?
He smashes his plate against the wall and storms out. An
awkward silence as Zed and Oh exchange guilty looks.
I fear the worst for Abel. I am
Yeah, that's got to be pretty
A Bergmanesque gloom fills the hovel as Adam muses sullenly
on his sorry circumstances.
For my sin the ground is cursed.
Thorns and thistles does it sprout
for us, and we are doomed to toil
all the days of our lives. For as
the Lord has commanded, by the
sweat of your brow shall you get
bread to eat until you return to
the ground from which you were
taken. For dust you are, and to
dust shall you return.
Wow. That's kind of a downer isn't
It's the way of the world.
Boy, I hope not.
You are welcome to stay the night
and lay with my daughter Lilith.
Zed looks at the luscious Lilith, then back at Adam.
Official White 35.
I'm waiting for the punchline.
She is without a husband, and as
the Lord has said, thou shalt be
fruitful and multiply.
Lilith nods demurely and exits through a curtain. Zed starts
to follow her out.
Hey! What about me?
You may share the bed of my son
Yeah, there you go.
Oh looks at Seth.
I multiplied with a sheep.
(Oh just stares at him)
My thingie smells like lamb chops.
18 INT. LILITH'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS 18
Zed enters the room. Lilith reclines on a cot with a straw
(making room on the cot)
My bed is small but you're welcome
to share it. It's the way of my
(lying down beside her)
And that's a good way to be. In
fact, I'm kind of surprised a
pretty girl like you is sleeping
alone anyway. I would've thought
guys would be lined up at the door.
I don't like men.
Official White 36.
Maybe you just haven't met the
I like girls.
So we have that in common--
(stares at him for a beat)
I'm attracted to women.
I don't even know what that means.
What does that mean?
I like to have sex with other
(stares at her for a long
I'm really not getting this.
Lilith shakes her head, turns away from him, and pulls up her
blanket. Zed shrugs and rolls over to sleep. They lie there
quietly in the dark for a long beat. Then--
You're kidding! Whoa! That's
19 INT. SETH'S ROOM - SAME TIME 19
Oh is lying next to Seth, wide-awake, trying to stay as far
away from him as possible.
Oooh, listen to this one.
Seth lifts his knees to his chest and farts a surprisingly
That's really good.
Official White 37.
Want to see a trick?
Do I have to?
20 EXT. ADAM'S DWELLING - DAYBREAK 20
In the yard behind the house, Oh is helping Cain as he chops
firewood with a metal axe. Oh now wears a tunic like the
It's been the same damn thing my
(swings the axe-- thwack!)
"Why can't you be more like Abel?"
"Oh, your sacrifice was good, too,
but Abel's was-- wow!"
(trying to change the
Your brother Seth is an interesting
guy. Did you know he can put his
penis in his mouth?
Adam and Zed come out of his dwelling.
KINSMEN from other dwellings start gathering.
Yeah, hey-- where's everybody
To look for Abel.
What did you say?
Official White 38.
(louder, mock sincerity)
I said good luck. I'm really
worried about him.
He turns aside and makes a goofy sarcastic face for Oh's
You're not coming?
Yeah, I am. I just have to finish
toiling over here, then I'm right
Adam and the others hurry off, and as soon as they're gone,
Cain rushes over and starts harnessing the oxen to the cart.
(to Zed and Oh)
Now listen, I'm getting out of
here, and you better come with me.
I have a feeling they're going to
try and blame this whole "Abel-
killing-thing" on you.
Why would they blame us?
Because when they find him and his
head is all bashed in, they're
going to start pointing fingers,
and you guys are drifters, so
they'll put two and two together
and that makes--
He stares expectantly at Zed and Oh.
Four! It makes four! Now stop
asking so many questions and hop
on. We gotta get out of here!
He urgently whips the oxen and they climb aboard as the cart
Official White 39.
21 EXT. WHEAT FIELD - MINUTES LATER
Adam and the other farmers discover Abel's body.
(to the others)
The farmers shout and race back to the hamlet.
22 EXT. THE HAMLET - MINUTES LATER
Adam and the other farmers jump onto two more oxcarts and set
out after Cain, Zed and Oh.
23 EXT. CART PATH - LATER 23
Cain's cart lumbers along. He looks back over his shoulder.
(urgently, to Zed and Oh)
They're gaining on us!
Zed and Oh look back.
The other oxcarts are a hundred yards back, "chasing" them at
maybe two miles per hour.
Cain whips his oxen and they step up the pace to 3 MPH.
Hah! They'll never catch us now!
An aerial view shows Cain's cart slowly pulling away from his
Suddenly a bolt of lightning splits the bright blue sky and
strikes Cain right on the forehead, knocking him back into
the cart. He sits up stunned, with a still-smoking, jagged
burn mark on his forehead.
Official White 40.
(dazed but exhilarated)
Wow! What are the odds of that?!
(feeling the burn mark)
Am I lucky or what?
Zed and Oh exchange doubtful looks and glance nervously at
24 EXT. THE SEASHORE - DAY 24
The ox cart approaches a small trading settlement on the
seacoast, a kind of makeshift tent city around a central
marketplace. Several dhows are tied up at the shore, camels
and pack animals are tethered on the fringes, while TRADERS
and MERCHANTS inspect newly arrived goods and haggle over
25 EXT. MARKETPLACE - DAY - LATER 25
Zed, Oh and Cain wander through the crowded market. PEOPLE
OF EVERY RACE dressed in all manner of exotic garb buy, sell,
and barter goods from distant lands. Zed and oh gawk like a
couple of yokels.
Look at all these people! And this
Oh approaches a bakery stand and stares hungrily at the
(to the Merchant)
Can I have one of those?
He reaches for a loaf but the MERCHANT strikes his hand with
Two silver pieces.
We're gonna need some money.
Official White 41.
Yeah, we're gonna need money.
They see a crowd at the center of the market gathered around
a raised platform.
SLAVES IN SHACKLES are lined up on the raised wooden platform
while CUSTOMERS examine those waiting to be auctioned.
The AUCTIONEER brings up a fnuscular male slave in a
Marlak's hands are bound and he's restrained by a chain
attached to a thick leather collar around his neck.
(addresses the crowd)
Next up, an unusual item-- looks
like a Caucasian-- he's big, he's
strong, he's a good breeder, so I'm
going to start at 100 gold minas.
Do I hear 100?
As the bidding starts, Zed spots Maya, his sister Eema, and
Enmebaragesi among the chained-up slaves waiting to be sold.
Zed and Oh push their way through the crowd and go to them.
(amazed to see them)
The women embrace him with relief and excitement.
What happened? How did you get
Official white 42.
Well, after the fire--
(she shoots him an
--the hill tribes raided the
village. The men fought them but
they were too many. They took us
captive, marched us to the sea,
then traded us to the boat people
who brought us here.
Are you all right? Did they-- rape
Just a little.
Zed and Oh look at her curiously.
The SLAVE TRADER sees them talking to Eema and approaches.
You interested in some slaves?
(like a prospective buyer)
Yeah, this one looks pretty good--
He starts prodding, poking and squeezing Maya's arm like he's
buying fruit. Oh takes the opportunity to fondle Eema's
breasts. She punches him.
Ooh, feisty! So how does this work
if we want them?
The slave trader notes Zed's peasant clothes.
You have money?
Well, that depends on what you mean
Look, pal, money talks and bullshit
walks. I don't have time for looky-
Official white 43.
Cain steps up and intercedes.
Perhaps I can help.
(confidentially to Zed and
Let me talk to the guy. Maybe I
can make a deal with him. You guys
Cain puts his arm around the slave trader's shoulder and
walks him away.
(to the slave trader)
So what are we lookin' at here?
From a distance, Zed and Oh watch them talking, but can't
hear what they're saying.
What an amazing coincidence--
running into you and Maya and them.
You still think it's all just a
coincidence? All of us here right
now, at this particular place, at
this particular time?
I don't know. Why do you think?
I'm not sure yet, but I'm starting
to believe that everything happens
for a reason. Like, why did I eat
the forbidden fruit?
To get laid?
Official White 44.
Okay, that might have been what I
was thinking at the time, but what
if some omnipotent force put the
fruit there because I was supposed
to eat it?
which omnipotent force?
What do you mean "which" omnipotent
force? How many omnipotent forces
could there be?
I don't know! What's "omnipotent"
Work with me-- I'm just speculating
here. Let's call this force "God";
and let's say this "God" is
controlling everything. Maybe God
wanted me to have the knowledge of
good and evil.
Why would he want that?
How do you know God's a "He?"
Zed rolls his eyes.
Don't you get what I'm saying?
What if we've been chosen?
You think we've been chosen by God?
Well, no offense, but it's possible
that I was chosen and you all just
happened to be there.
Why would God choose you? Why
wouldn't he choose Marlak? He's
Official White 45.
A chosen doesn't need to be strong.
I'm big this way.
(points to his temples)
You do have a fat face.
Not my face, my brain. It's
enormous. I'm the smartest guy in
You're not even-- I'm smarter than
(to ANOTHER VILLAGER)
Which one of us is smarter?
You're both idiots!
Oh yeah, then why are we free and
you're chained up?
Because of you?
(calls them over)
Hey! Come here. I think we worked
(confidently, to Maya)
Sit tight. I'm going to get you
out of here. Do you trust me?
I want to trust you.
She gives him an encouraging hug, then Zed and Oh cross to
Cain and the slave trader.
Official White 46.
Good work. What's the deal?
The slave owner smiles.
26 EXT. SLAVE MARKET - A LITTLE LATER 26
Zed and Oh are dragged onto the platform in shackles and leg
They see Cain riding off on a donkey. He holds up a bag of
coins and waves goodbye.
I never trusted that guy.
Why? Just 'cause he murdered his
brother and got hit by lightning?
They are pushed to the front of the platform.
(to the crowd)
All right! Next up is a twofer--
I'm selling them as a pair-- I know
they don't look like much-- but I'm
starting the bidding at sixty gold
minas. Do I hear sixty?
Remember, it's two for one here.
Do I hear fifty? Anyone? That's
only twenty-five apiece, folks.
Zed looks out at the crowd, starting to get offended.
SLAVE TRADER (cont'd)
You're breaking my heart here. How
about forty? Do I hear forty?
It's not like I want to be a slave
or anything, but this is
Official white 47.
Come on, people! We're a steal at
They probably don't know how smart
you think you are.
Finally, a Bedouin SHEIK raises his giraffe-tail fly whisk
and waves it at the slave trader.
Yes! Sold to Sheikh Hassan for 30
(to Zed and Oh)
Have a good time in the salt mines,
27 EXT. DESERT - LATER THAT DAY 27
A small CARAVAN OF CAMELS AND DONKEYS loaded with trade goods
moves across the arid wasteland. The effete SHEIKH rides the
lead camel, protected from the blistering sun by a colorful
canopy. A FEW ARMED BEDOUIN GUARDS ride alongside.
Bringing up the rear is A LARGE FOUR-WHEELED CART DRAWN BY
HORSES, basically a cage on wheels into which TWENTY NEWLY
PURCHASED SLAVES have been crammed, jammed together like
Zed and Oh are in the middle of the body pile, literally
cheek by jowl with the other slaves, barely able to move. I
Eema is right next to Oh, her body pressed tight against his.
Oh shifts around, repositioning his arms and body trying to
get more comfortable and give Eema a little space, but he
just ends up touching her even more.
Excuse me-- I'm sorry--
(his hand gets stuck
between her breasts)
That's not good--
He jerks his hand away, elbowing Marlak in the face.
Official White 48.
Marlak growls and grabs Oh by the throat, but the struggle
forces everyone else to shift which causes even more
THE OTHER SLAVES
Ow! Hey! Cut that out!
Zed tries to turn his head to see who's behind him.
Hey, pal! You can take your foot
out of my ass anytime now.
And your foot is still there. If I
turn around, you will be sorry.
Zed twists violently and manages a full turn which brings him
face to face and crotch to crotch with Maya.
For you maybe.
Look, I want you to know I blame
myself for everything that
So does everybody else.
(over his shoulder)
Get away from my woman!
I don't think that's going to be
possible. And I told you before,
she's not "your woman."
I'll kill you!
Marlak starts muscling and squirming his way through the body
pile trying to get to Zed.
THE OTHER SLAVES
Hey! Watch it, jerk!
Official White 49.
It's too cramped to even throw a punch, so Marlak uses a
RANDOM SLAVE'S HEAD as a weapon to bang against zed's head
Suddenly Zed feels Marlak's hands around his neck, grabbing
him from behind. Zed struggles but Marlak manages to pull
him into a full headlock, forcing Zed's face into his hairy
Oh is vaguely aware of the fight going on but can't move.
(calling to Zed)
Hold on! I'm coming!
Oh tries to maneuver to Zed, but can't move an inch.
OH (CONT'D) (cont'd)
If everyone could just move to the
right. Please? Thank you in
advance for your cooperation.
(then, giving up hope)
You can do it, Zed! Use his weight
Marlak now has Zed locked in a lethal choke hold.
28 EXT. THE SLAVE WAGON - CONTINUOUS
A BEDOUIN GUARD notices the commotion and bangs the bars of
the cage with his staff.
(shouts at the slaves)
Knock it off! Don't make me come
I'd like to see you try.
The Bedouin is just about to respond when suddenly A METAL
TIPPED ARROW FLIES IN AND PIERCES HIS THROAT. He drops to
the sand, dead.
Official White 50.
A BATTLE CHARIOT
comes flying over the crest of the wadi followed by TWENTY
ARMORED FOOT SOLDIERS wearing bronze helmets and
The soldiers attack the caravan, slashing and slicing the
Their commander, SARGON, his helmet topped with a magnificent
plume, rides up in the chariot and with one mighty stroke of
his sword cuts the head off ANOTHER BEDOUIN GUARD.
Marlak reaches through the bars, grabs the fallen Bedouin's
sword and hacks off the lock on the door of the slave wagon.
The door flies open and the slaves tumble, jump and stumble
out onto the ground.
Zed and Oh look around, gawking at the massacre taking place.
Then Zed sees Marlak, sword in hand, looking for him.
(shouts an order)
Take the slaves!
Marlak starts for Zed but two soldiers ride up and throw a
heavy restraining net over him.
Zed grabs oh and takes off running over the nearest sand
Sargon watches them flee.
Sir, shall I pursue them?
No. Let the desert have them.
They won't get far.
29 EXT. THE DESERT - SUNSET 29
The soldiers are camped for the night. The slaves are back
in their cage. Sargon the commander stops to instruct the
Official White 51.
Tend to the slaves. We leave for
Sodom before daybreak.
30 ZED AND OH
They lie hidden behind a sandy ridge watching from a short
I wonder who they are. Their hats
are really great, aren't they?
Their hats? I'm sorry, but when
that one guy cut the other guy's
head off, my first thought wasn't,
"Gee, what a great hat."
It wasn't my very first thought,
but I'd be lying if I said it
wasn't up there.
Now we just need to figure out a
way to rescue Maya and Eema.
How are we going to rescue anybody?
Patience, my friend. Even killers
have to sleep sometime.
He keeps a sharp, wakeful eye on the enemy camp.
31 THE MORNING SUN 31
Zed and Oh fast asleep on the ridge. They slowly wake up.
Official White 52.
Well, that was refreshing. How'd
Not that well. I think I was over-
Then Zed suddenly remembers Maya. He looks and sees that the
soldiers and slaves are long gone.
He leaps to his feet, looks around desperately, and sees
nothing but a vast wasteland in every direction.
Now where do we go?
Zed sniffs the air, puts his ear to the ground, and tastes
I have no idea.
32 ZED AND OH 32
trudging across the desert in the blistering heat, growing
weaker, stumbling and falling.
(too weak to move)
Why do I listen to you? Now we're
going to starve to death or die of
Will you stop being so negative? I
got your back, man. Who saved you
from those lions when you were a
baby? They were going to pounce,
had you surrounded. Took the mama
lion-- BAM!-- kneed her right in
the face. Papa lion comes flying
at me-- BAM!-- dropped an elbow,
knocked his ass out.
Official White 53.
Took his legs-- THWOOM!-- tossed
him in the river. And the rest
just ran off.
You know, I've asked people about
that and no one else seems to
Yeah, because nobody else was
there. You're lucky I was walking
Okay, it's possible I dreamed that--
but who practically raised you
after your father was dragged off
by those raccoons? Not a dignified
He was a small man.
Oh collapses face down in the sand.
Pull back to reveal that they are surrounded by hungry
jackals, vultures and hyenas.
We've got to keep moving.
(hauls Oh to his feet)
I've got you, buddy-- just like
He puts Oh over his shoulder and stumbles on.
33 EXT. ROCKY HILLSIDE - LATER 33
A MAN in his sixties, tall, full beard, piercing eyes and
fierce nose, dressed in a robe and kafiyya, arranges firewood
on a large flat rock. His TEENAGE SON looks around
curiously. They are ABRAHAM and ISAAC.
Hey, Dad? We making a burnt
Yes, Isaac. As God has commanded
Official White 54.
I don't see the sheep.
The Lord will provide the sheep.
Abraham takes a cord and starts tying Isaac's hands together.
Uh-- is this like a magic trick?
Without another word Abraham takes strong hold of Isaac and
lifts him up onto the firewood.
(really scared now)
Okay, if this is because I didn't
clean up my tent, you can stop now.
I get it.
Then Abraham pulls a long slaughtering knife from beneath his
All right, this isn't funny
Abraham raises the knife.
I'm telling mom!
The knife flashes in the sun as it descends toward the boy.
Abraham and Isaac both turn to see Zed and Oh step out from
behind the rocks. Their clothes are tattered and they are
burnt raw by the sun.
What are you doing to that kid?
Official White 55.
What do you mean, nothing? You
were just going to kill him!
No, I was going to sacrifice him.
There's a difference.
Not to him, I'm guessing.
Isaac nods gratefully.
By what right do you interfere?
Art thou an angel of the Lord?
What do you think?
Verily, thou wast sent to stay my
hand by the Eternal one, blessed be
Whatever you just said.
Oh helps Isaac off the altar stone and unties him.
(confidentially to Oh)
He's nuts! I'm telling you-- he's
totally lost it.
I am Abraham, son of Terah of the
house of Nahor.
I am Zed and this is Oh, sons of--
people you wouldn't know.
Official White 56.
The tents of my kinsmen lie just
beyond. There will you find all
that you desire. Come.
34 EXT. HEBREW ENCAMPMENT 34
Abraham leads Isaac, Zed and Oh past the colorful tents of
his people. The camp is alive with activity.
35 INT. ABRAHAM'S TENT - NIGHT 35
The spacious tent is lit by torches, and a feast is in
progress. TWENTY OR THIRTY BEARDED MEN in skullcaps and long
robes lounge on cushions or sit cross-legged in a circle on
the carpeted floor.
An EGYPTIAN BELLY DANCER shakes her hips for the pleasure of
Abraham who occupies the place of honor.
Zed and oh, now also wearing robes and skullcaps, are sitting
right beside him eating and drinking everything in sight.
Isaac sits beside them.
ABRAHAM claps his hands for attention. Zed and Oh look up as
the music stops.
(to the assembly)
My brothers, let us give thanks
unto God for staying my hand on the
mountain this day.
Best dad in all the land, everyone!
(a ritual response, in
Praise be to God, hallowed be His
And for the bounty which He hath
bestowed unto us.
Official white 57.
He hath increased our wealth and
blessed us with His loving
Zed and Oh mutter along, trying to fit in.
ZED AND OH
(a beat late)
--mumble mumble mumble loving
Abraham looks at them.
Friends, whence comest thou?
Zed and Oh look at each other blankly.
He wants to know where you're from.
Thou comest not from the cities of
the plain? From Sodom or Gomorrah?
Zed perks up at the mention of Sodom, recalling the
destination of the soldiers who took Maya and the others.
Sodom and Gomorrah? Never been
there. But I've heard of them.
Are they nice?
The Lord has cursed them for their
i didn't know that. What kind of
abomination are we talking about?
They bow down before false Gods and
worship graven images.
Official White 58.
(clicks his tongue)
The men of the city are weak and
soft, fat with rich food,
intoxicated by strong drink.
(sounds good to him)
Really. Tell me more.
Their women are whores; their
shameless lust knows no bounds.
They flaunt their flesh without
shame and any man may have
knowledge of them.
And where exactly are those cities?
(off Abraham's stern look)
We just want to know so we can
Walk not the path of Sodom! For
surely will the Lord send his holy
fire to destroy the city and all
who dwell within, to smite them and
all their seed for their iniquity.
When do you think all this smiting
is going to go down? We may have
some friends there.
Abraham sweeps out of the tent. Zed and Oh jump to their
feet and follow. Isaac tags along.
Official white 59.
36 EXT. THE TENT - CONTINUOUS 36
Abraham walks to the edge of the desert. Torchlight from the
camp flickers on his face as he gazes across the desolate
Abraham, I'm a little worried about
the city being destroyed.
Their fate is sealed. But for my
faith and devotion, the self-same
God has given unto me the whole of
this land, from the Jordan to the
Negev, from the river of Egypt to
the great Euphrates. This did He
grant to me and my seed.
He raises his arms and spreads them wide.
This is all your land?
Yeah, God just forgot to tell
anyone else. we're having a war
with someone like every five
(scowls at him)
I and my kinsmen have vanquished
our enemies by the mighty hand of
the Lord, praised be He.
Zed and Oh fake their way through a ritual response.
His name is praise and love his
--of his wealthy bounty.
Abraham gets a strange faraway look in his eyes.
Official White 60.
Therefore, to signify my Covenant
with the One True God, on this
night will I circumcise the flesh
of my foreskin, and of you and
every male who dwells hereby.
Excuse me? I'm not clear--
Here we go again--
we will grasp the foreskins of our
penises and cut therefrom the extra
I'm not sure I have any extra.
Couldn't we could just get our ears
(aside to Zed)
Okay, what did I tell you-- nuts?
You know, Abe, it's late, and we've
all had a lot to drink, and I know
this whole foreskin thing sounds
like a good idea now, but you may
just want to sleep on it. we could
always cut 'em off in the morning,
but if we do it now, there's just
no putting it back on later.
No. So it shall be written, so it
shall be done.
Get my big knife.
Zed and Oh both reflexively cover their crotches.
Official white 61.
37 EXT. THE DESERT - NIGHT 37
Zed and oh stumble over the rocky hills. They hear a PAINED
SCREAM from someone being circumcised back at Abraham's camp.
You have any idea where we're
To the city. I have to find Maya.
The city! He said God's going to
smite them with holy fire!
And you're going to listen to him?
You think he's more chosen than me?
He seemed to know what he was
Yes, and he also wanted to give his
dick a little trim.
Hey, wait up!
Zed and Oh turn to see Isaac running towards them.
(out of breath)
I'm coming with you.
You don't even know where we're
You're going to Sodom, right?
No. Your dad specifically said
Sodom and Gomorrah were evil.
Yeah, whatever. If I show you how
to get there, will you buy me a
bottle of wine?
Official White 62.
No! I told you, that's not where
Fine. Then we'll just stand here.
They stand there for less than a beat.
Okay, you win. Take us to Sodom.
Isaac takes a couple of steps to the top of a rise and points
off in the distance.
Shining in the moonlight, the magnificent city of Sodom set
atop a broad hill surrounded by high walls.
I knew it was right around here.
Me and my friends sneak in on the
weekends. We hang around, pick up
on the babes, drink some wine, get
wasted on killer hash--
You shouldn't be smoking either.
Thanks, Grandpa, but I've been
smoking for four harvests, so I
think I'm okay.
They start down toward the city.
38 EXT. CITY GATES - NIGHT 38
Zed, Oh and Isaac gape at the high masonry walls as they
approach the massive solid wooden gates.
Official White 63.
Gee, they're not open. We should
probably come back later.
You just have to knock. They
always let me in.
Me? Why do I have to knock? What
if we're waking somebody up? Let's
just get out of here.
Where? Back to the penis-cutter?
Besides, Eema and Maya might be in
there. You want to get them out
before the city's destroyed, don't
Isaac impatiently grabs a big rock and starts banging on the
Hey! Anybody there? Hello?
Suddenly Zed and Oh are yanked off their feet from behind and
slammed into the wall by helmeted sentries. Isaac quickly
(shouts at him)
Isaac stops a safe distance away and turns back to taunt the
You gonna make me?
(dancing and dodging like
You and what army?
(shouts to Isaac)
Get help! Tell your father!
Official White 64.
Like I'm really gonna tell my
father I came with you to Sodom.
So long, suckers!
He takes off running.
I kinda get why his dad wanted to
The sentries drag them through a small door cut into a corner
of the city gates.
39 INT. GATEHOUSE - CONTINUOUS 39
The sentries shove them into a small guard post and throw
them up against the wall. THREE OTHER GUARDS look up at the
What's this now?
They were banging on the gate.
Hebrews, from the look of them.
We're not really Hebrews--
The guard smacks him in the mouth.
Okay. Lesson learned. No talking.
Should we wake the Sergeant?
You don't want to do that. He gets
pretty mean when you wake him.
Meaner than this?
The sentry grabs Oh's nipple and twists. Oh SCREAMS loudly.
The guards freeze at the sound of his scream and look
nervously to a closed door at one end of the room.
Official White 65.
(from behind the door,
BLOODY HELL! WHAT'S GOING ON OUT
Zed and Oh exchange worried looks. Then the door flies open
and the SERGEANT, a huge, angry, sadistic rhino of a man,
fills the door frame.
Who the hell screamed?
They all point at Oh.
(glowers at him)
I thought it was a woman.
He lumbers over and gets his face very close to Oh's.
You don't look like a woman, but
maybe you want to kiss me anyway.
Is that right? You want to kiss
Oh turns away from his foul breath.
The sergeant grabs Oh by the throat and practically lifts him
off the ground.
By morning you'll be sorry you were
Don't have to wait 'til morning.
Hey! Why don't you pick on someone
your own size?
The sergeant drops Oh and turns to Zed.
Which would be difficult since
there are probably very few people
around who actually are your size--
He smacks Zed hard on the side of the head.
Official White 66.
(to another guard)
Get my big stick. I'll deal with
the fat one first.
Relatively fat one. I wouldn't be
talking about fat, if I were you.
Another blow from the sergeant.
Right. Enough said.
The sergeant rips open Zed's shirt exposing his back, then
steps up behind Oh and does the same. A guard hands him a
lethal-looking bat studded with sharp spikes.
(to Zed and Oh)
Welcome to Sodom.
As he takes a big backswing, Zed and Oh shut their eyes and
prepare for the worst.
Zed and Oh turn to see Cain at the door, dressed like the
other guards in breastplate and helmet.
Wait! I know these guys!
ZED AND OH
He embraces them. They look confused and doubtful, but
40 EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT - LATER 40
Cain leads them through the narrow crowded streets. People
avoid Cain's gaze and part like the Red Sea to allow him
Official White 67.
You know, you guys are lucky that
sergeant is a friend of mine. I
let him sodomize me once right
after I got here and he's been real
nice to me ever since.
Yeah, thanks for saving us. What
are you going to do to us now?
Cain stops and looks at them.
wait a second. Do I detect a tone
All right, honestly? You did sell
us into slavery.
Whoa whoa whoa! Hold a grudge
much? That was like a fortnight
That was way less than a fortnight.
Half a fortnight, maybe.
Give me a break! I was dealing
with the death of a close family
member and I needed some space.
But now I realize that you guys are
like my brothers. And it's so rare
to find a brother that you love.
He embraces them.
ZED AND OH
Now, you guys hungry? Watch this.
Cain walks up to a food vendor's stall and stares menacingly
at the VENDOR. He raises his fist. The vendor cowers.
Official White 68.
CAIN (CONT'D) (cont'd)
That's two for flinching.
Cain grabs two lamb kebabs and hands them to Zed and Oh.
That's the kind of love I'm talkin'
As they eat hungrily, Zed makes eye contact with a prostitute
lounging in a doorway.
Check out that woman across the
street! She's looking at us.
The prostitute smiles at them as she sensuously peels a
banana, then slides the whole thing unbroken into her mouth.
We are so in! She's eye-knowing us
You're gonna love Sodom. Trust me.
It's crazy. This morning, I almost
got a handie behind that pita
Well, I kind of have a girlfriend--
not a girlfriend, yet, but a girl I
like, so I shouldn't--
Hey, what happens in Sodom, stays
He takes a jug of wine from the stall of a WINE MERCHANT.
The merchant just bows obsequiously and keeps his mouth shut.
You know, if you guys are staying
you should join the guards. The
pay's not great, but there's tons
of perks. I'm telling you, it's
the only way to go.
Cain grabs a piece of candy from a SMALL CHILD and stuffs it
in his mouth. The child starts crying, Cain kicks her in the
ass and she runs away.
Official White 69.
(to the child)
Come on, I'll introduce you to the
41 EXT. BARRACKS - NEXT MORNING 41
A military drum roll and the blare of trumpets rouse the
garrison. GUARDSMEN come double-timing out of the barracks
and hurry to line up in formation.
Last to emerge are Zed and Oh who step leisurely out the door
now dressed as Royal Guards. Zed actually looks dashing, but
Oh's breastplate is too big and his helmet keeps slipping
down over his eyes.
This is great! How do I look?
You look good, but I think my hat's
They notice an OFFICER staring at them.
(to the officer)
Do you happen to know where I could
get a smaller hat?
The officer pops him on the head with a truncheon.
Zed and Oh hustle into line, orders are shouted and the troop
42 EXT. CITY STREETS - LATER 42
Zed and Oh are on patrol with Cain in the heart of the city.
Official White 70.
So is this it? We just walk
Pretty much. We just look for
troublemakers and kick the living
shit out of 'em.
What kind of trouble?
If we see a thief or a pickpocket,
we just slap him around-- maybe cut
off a finger or an ear, or the tip
of his nose, lower lip-- anything
you can just grab and slice in one
fluid motion-- then we take our
share of the loot and let him go.
Mostly what we worry about are
activist types, rabble rousers,
getting people all riled up against
the King or the Temple Priests.
That's death for sure.
Pretty harsh, isn't it?
Harsh times, brother. We're in the
middle of a famine. People are
starving. If we don't get some
rain soon, it could get ugly.
(looking forward to it)
Then we'll get to start kicking ass
He stops to flog a BEGGAR with his hand out.
Beat it, you filthy beggar!
You can't blame people for being
Yeah, well, just remember, it's the
palace that pays you, not the
Official White 71.
Suddenly, they hear a regal fanfare of approaching trumpets
and turn to look.
At the sound of the trumpets EVERYONE IN THE CROWDED SQUARE
falls to the ground and prostrates himself. Cain pulls Oh to
the ground but Zed is left standing there oblivious as the
ROYAL ENTOURAGE approaches.
Oh taps on Zed's leg trying to get his attention, but Zed
just ignores it, too transfixed to notice that he's the only
EIGHT STRONG MALE SLAVES enter the square carrying an
ornately decorated litter shaded with a silk canopy. On it
is the PRINCESS INANNA, a stunning young woman, richly
dressed and bejeweled, with exotic eyes and luscious red
lips. A HANDMAIDEN rides along fanning her with a big
ostrich plume fan.
Zed sees the Princess and is instantly taken with her beauty.
Princess Inanna glances his way and can't help but notice
he's the only person in the square still standing. She gives
him a quizzical smile, then turns away imperiously.
As the litter passes, her handmaiden continues to stare at
Zed. He doesn't recognize her, but we do. It's Maya, now
elaborately costumed and made-up.
Zed gawks at the Princess, then suddenly a ROYAL GUARD knocks
him to the ground and stands on his neck as the rest of the
(on the ground, excitedly
Did you see that girl? I think she
liked me! She looked right at me.
Gee, I wonder why?
The royal guard takes his foot off Zed's neck and they all
get back to their feet.
Who was she?
The Princess Inanna. She's totally
hot, but don't even think about it.
Official White 72.
Because she's royalty and you're
The entire crowd starts moving in the same direction as the
Where's everybody going?
To the temple. Let's go.
You have to see this.
Will she be there?
Everybody will be there.
43 EXT. TEMPLE SQUARE - MINUTES LATER 43
At the center of the square is a magnificent temple adorned
with elaborate carvings and monumental statues of pagan gods.
Before it is a great altar in front of a HUGE STONE IDOL.
The idol's mouth is a gaping fiery furnace. Behind the
temple, is a towering ZIGGURAT still under construction.
A HUNDRED TRUMPETERS AND DRUMMERS blast a solemn fanfare as
ORNATELY GARBED PRIESTS ceremoniously climb the stairs to the
ZED AND OH
stare at the spectacle.
44 THE ROYAL PAVILION 44
The Princess Inanna takes her seat near the KING, the QUEEN,
the MINISTERS and other NOBLES. Maya stands behind the
Princess and continues fanning her.
Zed spots the Princess on the pavilion.
Official white 73.
Hey, there she is!
He starts edging toward the royal pavilion.
45 THE PAVILION
Under a broad awning, the King and Queen snack from a table
covered with platters of exotic fruits and sweetmeats.
The King, an imposing man with Shakespearean gravity, wipes
his mouth and glances at the Princess Inanna.
The Princess isn't eating?
I find it hard to eat when so many
(as if )
Your concern is enviable.
And besides, I'm so fat.
The Queen, 40's, still beautiful, reacts.
(for the hundredth time)
You're not fat--
Yes, I am, mother! Those new linen
pants you got me from Egypt make my
ass look just huge.
Well, you can't keep starving
Why not? Everybody else is
starving-- present company
Official White 74.
Careful, Princess. You may be my
step-daughter, but these are
dangerous times and those are
dangerous words. I weep for the
suffering of my people, but the
spirit of rebellion is alive in the
city and if necessary I will crush
it with every means at my disposal.
For the good of the people.
For the good of everyone who enjoys
the favor of the throne.
Whatever. I'm just so incredibly
46 THE TEMPLE DOORS 46
The fanfare climaxes as the great temple doors slowly open
and the HIGH PRIEST emerges followed by a retinue of
PRIESTESSES and a dozen VESTAL VIRGINS. They walk in solemn
silence to ritual positions around the altar.
The High Priest is even more elaborately costumed than the
nobles, ridiculously so, standing very tall on high platform
shoes, with heavy eye makeup, his hair and beard even oilier
than the others. He turns to the altar, raises his hands to
the heavens and begins his invocation.
O El, lord of Heaven and Earth;
Baal, the Sublime; Shapash, goddess
of the sun; Hadad, the storm god,
over-ruling son of Dagon, the
bountiful, god of grain, our
He makes his way to a position just below the royal pavilion
and stares up at the Princess Inanna.
She sees him looking at her but pretends not to notice.
Official white 75.
Isn't that the idiot who was
standing up in the street?
Maya sees him, too, and starts fuming.
The High Priest continues.
We come before you in humble
supplication, invoking your
blessing, the sweet rain which
waters our fields, enriches the
harvest, fills our storehouses,
makes mighty the house of Ish-ka-bi-
baal and the city of Sodom--
The King nods graciously.
HIGH PRIEST (cont'd)
--and feeds us, your children, with
the bounty of your grace.
She glances at Zed again, but this time a slight smile
crosses her lips.
Zed grins back at her.
The Princess whispers something to her handmaiden Maya and
subtly points Zed out to her. Maya nods obediently, glaring
at Zed, and starts fanning the princess a little too
Accept now this humble sacrifice to
the power and glory of your
He starts inspecting the Vestal Virgins, beautiful young
women in diaphanous, almost transparent white gowns.
ZED AND OH
have no idea what's going on. Zed turns to the GUY NEXT TO
Official White 76.
He's picking a virgin.
Oh yeah. Uh huh. Uh huh.
AT THE ALTAR
the High Priest is moving down the line of beautiful young
maidens. He comes to one SLUTTY GIRL who seems so obviously
not a virgin, he does a double take and kicks her out of the
ZED AND OH
What do they want a virgin for?
To throw into the fire.
(like talking to an idiot)
Offering to the Gods. There's a
famine going on. If we don't make
a good sacrifice, it won't rain.
No rain, no harvest. No harvest,
no food. Get it?
It's pretty self-explanatory.
You throw the virgin in the fire so
Seems like a waste of a perfectly
good virgin to me.
Official white 77.
These virgins-- it's always a girl,
AT THE ALTAR
A great cheer goes up as a girl is chosen. She swoons as the
priestesses slip off her vestment and two priests escort her
to the fiery mouth of the furnace.
For the love of the Gods and the
glory of their Creation, the great
dome of Heaven, the green growing
Earth, we commit this maiden to
your Holy Fire.
Another great cheer from the crowd as they throw her into the
This is just crazy.
Maya approaches them but Zed and Oh still don't recognize
The Princess wishes to see you.
(staring at her cleavage)
Her wish is my command.
Not you. Him.
(points at Zed)
(then, motioning to Oh)
We're kind of a package deal. Can
he come with?
The three of us are inseparable.
We're like brothers.
Cain squeezes both their shoulders and gives Maya an
Official White 78.
Maya ignores Cain and points to Zed and Oh.
The two of you follow me.
I'll try to put in a good word for
Cain fumes as Zed and Oh head off with Maya.
47 EXT. PALACE - LATER
A SQUAD OF SENTRIES stands guard at the massive iron palace
gates. A CROWD OF BEGGARS is pressed against the gate
pleading for food. Zed and Oh approach led by Maya. The
guards brutally push the beggars aside and they enter.
48 INT. PALACE - COURTYARD -- CONTINUOUS
Maya leads Zed and Oh through the gate and into a beautiful
atrium where they are met by a fat bald EUNUCH wearing the
This is Zaftig the Eunuch. You go
Oh is led away by the Eunuch as she takes Zed off in the
Can't I go with him?
Why? Is he your lover?
(laughs at the thought)
Hah! No? That would be weird.
The Eunuch just shrugs, apparently not that weird to him.
So what do you do?
Official White 79.
I serve the royal family-- little
of this, little of that. I've been
a palace eunuch since I was nine
You've been living here since you
(looks around, impressed)
I should look into that. How do
you get to be a eunuch?
They cut off your testicles.
What?! What's up with all the
Trust me, after a while you don't
even miss them.
No, I'd miss them-- I'm sure. I
hardly got to use them yet.
The Eunuch leads him down the corridor.
49 A SHEEP'S HEART, LIVER AND GUTS 49
land with a wet splat on a polished marble table.
INT. PALACE THRONE ROOM - SAME TIME
The High Priest, an extremely vain, officious, and fussy man,
still over-dressed in sacramental drag, pushes back his
sleeves and starts examining the entrails as the King and his
MINISTERS look on, deeply concerned.
Six sacrifices in the last ten days
and still no rain. What do the
Official White 80.
(nervously poking at the
Well, the liver is streaked with
gray-- that's not a favorable sign--
but the heart looks good. See how
nice and red it is here. That's
always a good omen.
What does it mean?
Usually it means that the sheep
took very good care of itself,
probably sticking to a high-fiber
diet of grass and hay.
What does it mean for us?
Well, it could mean either a
surprise visit from a former friend
or sweetheart-- or that you're
going on a long sea voyage!
Wouldn't that be fun?
How did you become High Priest?
Because I'm your brother?
Perhaps it's time for a new High
(his eyes go wide)
Perhaps it's not time for a new
High Priest. Aaaahh!
He dramatically flings his fingers out at the Prime Minister,
as if wielding the power of the Gods.
HIGH PRIEST (cont'd)
And let that be a warning to you.
Next time, I will hurl a lightning
bolt at your face.
Official White 81.
HIGH PRIEST (cont'd)
Or a fire-ball.
Majesty, there's talk of revolution
in the streets. Grain and oil are
scarce, prices are high, starving
peasants are pouring into the city
looking for food--
Poverty has a bitter taste, but
it's the flavor they were born to.
It's the will of the Gods.
The Queen and Princess Inanna are lounging on cushioned
Can the Gods really be so cruel?
I don't think that's cruel. It's
just practical. If everybody was
rich, who'd wait on us?
Maya approaches and whispers something to the Princess.
Good. See that he's bathed and
dressed, then bring him to me.
Maya frowns and exits.
(to the queen)
This should be amusing.
50 INT. PALACE CORRIDOR - LATER 50
Maya leads Zed down a grand hallway. Zed is now wearing a
long flowing robe of silk brocade, fine sandals, and jewelry.
His hair has been combed and pulled back into a loose
ponytail. He stops to admire himself in a mirror.
What do you think, ponytail or no
ponytail? You know what?
Official White 82.
I'll start with the ponytail, see
where the night takes me.
Maya rolls her eyes and leads Zed to the entrance of the
Great Hall. Cain and another guard are posted at the door.
Hey, you made it! What's it like
I wouldn't know.- I'm just a guard
because my "brother" didn't pull
any strings with his friends in the
Look, first of all, we're not
Just like Abel. I oughta just bash
your head in--
Hey! You didn't let me finish. As
soon as I get in there I'm going to
talk to somebody and get you
Yeah, sure. Have a nice orgy.
Cain pulls open the big doors and Zed steps through the
portal. Cain tries to steal peeks inside as the heavy doors
51 ZED'S POV 51
A full-scale ORGY is going on in a magnificent hall.
As Maya leads him into the room, Zed pulls his hair out of
Feels like a hair-down kinda scene,
don't you think?
Official White 83.
As you wish.
Be sure to try the fruit.
Zed looks at her and finally recognizes her.
Maya?! What are you doing here?
I had no choice. I'm a slave,
I was going to rescue you! Really!
In fact, we came here to find you.
(not buying it)
Wait here until you're sent for.
This wasn't my idea, you know.
Of course not. You were just
chosen again. Maybe after you and
the Princess get together you can
start thinking about someone beside
She walks off before he can answer.
Zed shakes his head, looks around the room, then STARTS
walking past a row of "LIVING STATUES," semi-nude men and
women on pedestals covered head to toe in gold body paint,
frozen in heroic postures that show off their beautiful
Zed looks closely at one beautiful nude "GODDESS", then
furtively reaches out and fondles her breast. The goddess
slaps his hand, then resumes her pose.
watch it, jerk!
Hey! You're a real girl! That is
Official White 84.
He moves down the row of living sculptures, mugging at them,
mock humping, and waving his hands in their faces trying to
make them move, but they remain frozen.
He comes to the LAST STATUE and does a double-take. This one
is wearing only a skimpy cloth diaper and is posed like
someone waiting for a bus. He is also painted gold, but
unlike the others, he has a little potbelly and round
shoulders, and can't seem to hold still for very long,
shifting his weight uncomfortably and looking around in
Oh looks down from his pedestal.
(through clenched teeth)
I'm not supposed to talk. I'm a
Yeah, you look so-- gold. How's it
How's it going? I just had my
whole body painted by a fat guy
with no balls, and believe me, he
was very thorough, if you know what
I mean. How's it going with you?
Not bad. Had a little rub and a
scrub, now I'm up for some grub.
That sounds nice-- for you.
Hey! You'll never guess who's here-
- Maya! She's working here-- and
she looks great! But she's kinda
mad at me.
Oh scans the great hall looking for her and spots Zed's
sister Eema, his crush, come into the room carrying a tray of
Official White 85.
Eema has been beautifully groomed and is now dressed as a
household slave. She stops to serve some rowdy OFFICERS who
take the opportunity to tease and fondle her. She tries to
pull away but Sargon, the general, grabs her arm.
Stand still, wench! I want to see
what's under that skirt.
As he starts to lift her hem, she drops the whole tray of
food on him. His cohorts laugh.
I'm sorry! It was an accident.
That was no accident!
Sargon grabs her and raises his hand to hit her.
Zed steps in quickly.
You! Slave girl!
(he pulls her away from
I told you to fetch me more wine!
Apologize to this officer--- now!
Now go-- fetch! Wait by that--
skinny statue. I'll deal with you
As Eema exits, Zed turns to the officers and shrugs.
Slaves-- what are you gonna do?
Try using a hot poker. That they
Ouch. Helpful hint. I will keep
that in mind.
Official White 86.
Zed bows, then leaves him and joins Eema who is waiting at
What are you doing here?
We were sold to the palace. But I
won't serve these people! I'd
Keep that up and you will.
What are you doing here?
(notices his clothes)
Have you joined them?
I haven't joined anything.
(re the gold body paint)
Does this look like fun?
They both look accusingly at Zed.
Okay, I know what you're thinking,
but I'm just checking it out. We
kept hearing that this place was so
evil, but now that I look around
I'm thinking maybe it's not all
bad. There's a lot to learn here.
What? Like human sacrifice?
No! Like the wheel, for instance!
That's pretty awesome-- the way it
just goes around in a circle. And
farming! And metal-- writing,
money, pottery-- hot baths. Come
on! Back in the village we thought
sharpening a stick was a big
What happened to him?
Official White 87.
Look, I think I've been chosen to
do something great with my life--
Here we go again--
--and I don't think it's hunting
wild pigs and weaving baskets.
Maya returns for Zed.
She wants to see you-- now.
I hope you don't think I'm
interested in her.
Why would I think that? Just
because you couldn't take your eyes
I'm just using her, Maya! It's
part of my plan. I'm going to get
you all out of here as soon as I
What's your plan?
(not a clue)
It's a secret.
(not buying it)
Maya sees A GUARD watching them and reverts to her slave
(bowing to Zed)
The Princess awaits you.
Official White 88.
And I await her.
(to Oh and Eema)
You two await me.
(then confidentially to
Eema and Oh)
Stay out of trouble. I'll be back.
He exits with Maya.
He has no idea what he's doing,
I don't know. So much has
happened. Sometimes I think--
She walks away.
(wistfully, to himself)
I love you.
52 THE HIGH PRIEST 52
Lounging on a divan surrounded by YOUNG MEN. Oh walks by
still painted gold.
You there! Golden boy! Rub me
The High Priest dismisses the young men, then stands and lets
his rich outer robe fall to the floor. His chest, back and
shoulders are incredibly hairy.
I'd rather not, if you don't mind.
I'm not really a slave. I'm a
Then maybe you'd rather I speak to
your commander and have you whipped
to within an inch of your life. Or
perhaps I whip you myself? How
would you like that?
Are those my choices?
Official White 89.
I'd say so.
The High Priest lies back down. Oh looks around, finds a
pitcher filled with precious oil and dribbles some on the
High Priest's hairy chest.
(splashes a few more drops
No! More oil! Much more, you
Oh pours oil liberally over his chest, back, and shoulders.
HIGH PRIEST (cont'd)
That's good. Now rub it in.
With my hands?
Oh grimaces and starts gingerly massaging the oil into his
hairy chest and shoulders.
HIGH PRIEST (cont'd)
Mmmmm, I love it. The sweet scent
of precious oil. The oily--
Eema walks by with a pitcher of wine and sees Oh massaging
the High Priest. She gasps.
Eema! This isn't what you think.
Official White 90.
No, it's fine. I understand. This
really explains a lot about you
that I didn't get before.
No, really! I'm just-- rubbing oil
on this man.
Mnum imam. I have an idea. Why don't
we go back to my place and see
what's under all that paint?
53 INT. PRINCESS'S CHAMBER - NIGHT - MINUTES LATER 53
Maya ushers Zed into the dimly lit room.
She leaves him. A haze of heavily scented incense hangs in
Come to me.
Zed turns and sees the Princess standing on the terrace.
54 EXT. GARDEN TERRACE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS 54
Zed steps out onto the moonlit terrace. He crosses to the
balustrade and stands beside the Princess, gazing out over
the twinkling cityscape.
Beautiful, isn't it? You can see
Gomorrah just over the hill.
Official White 91.
I didn't know it was so close.
They're called the "twin cities."
Looks pretty from up here, but some
people think God is going to wipe
them out because they're so evil.
(toying with him)
And what do you think? Am I evil?
I don't really know you. But you
don't look evil.
Do you find me attractive?
Well, yeah. I think you're--
I have body issues.
No, you're perfect. Your face,
(looking into her eyes)
Your eyes are like the sea.
My eyes are brown.
Well, it's kinda dark. I took a
shot. I know they're big, though--
She pulls him close.
Can I ask you one thing? What
would a girl like you want with a
guy like me?
Official white 92.
I don't know. I just find you--
interesting. They say it's the
will of the gods that some men
should suffer while others rule--
that we're all just victims of our
fate. And I believed that until
this morning when I saw you
standing up, alone, in the square.
And I said to myself, finally
here's one man who refuses to bow
down to anything--
(considers explaining but
just lets it go)
Yeah. That's me.
Yes, finally a man who has the
courage to question the order of
things--- a man chosen by the Gods
to do something great.
That's exactly what I've been
thinking! You wouldn't believe the
things that have been happening to
me lately. I just didn't know why.
(gets very, very close)
I know why. To bring you here-- to
this place-- to me.
I couldn't agree more. I'm trying
to agree more, but I can't. That's
how much I agree.
She takes his hand and leads him away.
A SHADOWY FIGURE watches them from behind a curtain.
Official White 93.
55 EXT. THE TEMPLE - NIGHT
We can see torchlight flickering inside the temple and TWO
FIGURES moving among the pillars.
56 INT. THE TEMPLE - SAME TIME 56
The High Priest is giving Oh a personal tour of the inner
sanctum. Oh is scrubbed and dressed like a junior priest.
My life is devoted to the service
of the Gods and the good of the
people. I take nothing for myself.
He has a huge gold ring set with precious gems on every
finger, and a gold tiara on his head studded with rubies and
That's so-- unselfish of you.
Yes, it is. It's just so-- lonely.
Sometimes i hunger for the touch of
another human being.
Here's a riddle: what has two
thumbs and wants another oil rub?
(pointing thumbs at
Ohquickly changes the subject.
So where does that hall lead to?
(his eyes light up)
Come, I'll show you.
He takes Oh's arm and leads him down the hail toward a set of
incredibly impressive doors covered with cuneiform writing
and arcane religious symbols.
HIGH PRIEST (cont'd)
Behind those doors is the Holy of
Holies-- the earthly domain of the
HIGH PRIEST (cont'd)
Gods-- a place so ineffably sacred,
so powerful, that to enter is
instant death for any mortal.
(a long beat)
So who cleans it?
it needs no cleaning.
No, of course not.
(can't let go of it)
Kind of makes you wonder though--
the guys who built it, did they
just die the minute they finished,
or did the Gods give them a second
to get out?
(starting to get annoyed)
I assume they finished it, then the
Yeah, that's probably it.
(another long beat)
So you're saying we can't go in?
I just told you! To enter is
instant death! Only I can go in
and only once a year after very
elaborate purification rituals and
days of special prayers and
Right, right, right.
What if we just open the doors and
stick our heads in?
Fine! Enough! I'm sorry I brought
it up. Let's go.
(pushes Oh along)
He shoos him down the hall.
Official White 95.
57 INT. TEMPLE - MOMENTS LATER
Zed and Princess Inanna stealthily enter the temple.
(looking around nervously)
What are we doing here?
I want you to enter the Holy of
Yes! Finally. Now you're talking!
Should I enter it right here or
should we go back to your bedroom?
Does the Holy of Holies like to be
entered from behind or--?
That's the Holy of Holies-- you
have to go in there and talk to the
The Gods are in there?
So they say, but the only one who
ever goes in is the High Priest.
They say it's instant death for
anyone else to enter.
Then why am I going in?
Because you were chosen? If the
Gods wanted you dead they would
have killed you already.
This is what you've been chosen
for! To speak to the Gods and
plead with them not to destroy the
city. Then come back out and tell
me what it's like inside.
Official White 96.
(mulling it over)
Right-- right. Then again, if the
Do you always follow the rules?
What is it with chicks always
wanting guys to break the rules?
You-all have this bad boy complex----
She kisses him fiercely on the lips.
Do this for me.
I'm going in.
He enters the Holy of Holies. A FIGURE darts between the
columns and hides in the shadows. A beam of moonlight
reveals the mark of Cain on his forehead.
58 INT. HOLY OF HOLIES - CONTINUOUS 58
Zed steps into the chamber and immediately prostrates
himself, face down on the floor, arms outstretched in
supplication. He lies there with his eyes tightly shut,
expecting to be vaporized any second. A long moment passes
in total silence. Then he opens his eyes and looks around
The inner chamber of the Holy of Holies is a bare room with
marble walls lit only by shafts of moonlight from skylights
(takes a deep breath and
Thank you, O-- Merciful ones, for--
not like-- killing me, and letting
me receive the, uh, blessing of
your holy-- godliness.
He exhales and closes his eyes again, waiting for some divine
response. Nothing comes.
Official White 97.
(props himself up on his
Okay, I don't know the right words--
so I'm just going to say what I
have to say-- if that's all right.
(waits for a response,
gets none, proceeds)
I know I haven't always done the
right thing. Eating the fruit was
bad, I know that-- and the Cain
thing-- and I have done somethings
with women-- I do love the ladies--
well, you probably know all that
because you're watching everything--
(a thought occurs)
Do you really watch everything?
That's got to be a little
disgusting sometimes-- but probably
pretty hot, too--
Not that you would get off on any
of it-- okay, I'm getting off the
subject. Anyways, the word is
you've been considering destroying
this place. So I'm asking you not
to-- as a personal favor.
Feel free to jump in anytime. I
could use a little guidance here.
Still no response. He rolls over onto his back.
Look, I know you think this place
is evil and it kinda is-- I see
that-- but that's not everybody.
There are a lot of good people,
too. So what if there were, like,
fifty really good people? Would
you still destroy the city?
Okay, you're right, that may be a
reach. How about twenty? I could
probably get you twenty extremely
good people if I really looked
How about five? Five awesome
people-- including myself. I
personally know at least five
people worth saving. Does that
Official White 98.
Hello? A little help? Am I
getting warm here? Okay, is it me?
Are you punishing me for stuff I
Or setting me up for what I need to
do. Or both! Or neither?
Could you give me some kind of a
sign-- please-- anything?
Zed listens but hears only a profound silence. Then a
revelation. He sits up on the floor.
Okay, wait. Is that the sign? The
silence? Is that it?
(waits for confirmation)
It is, isn't it! Just this really
You're not going to tell me what to
do; it's up to me to decide what's
right and what's wrong-- right? Is
that it? You're not going to speak
to me-- you're going to speak
through me? If that's right, don't
(listens for a beat)
Okay, I read you loud and clear.
Oh, and if things don't work out
with Maya would it be okay with you
if me and the Princess had a little
"carnal knowledge"? Not in an evil
way or anything--
(he listens; silence)
Okay! You're right, probably not a
good idea. Thank you.
He backs out of the Holy of Holies, bowing all the way.
59 INT. THE TEMPLE - CONTINUOUS
The doors to the Holy of Holies opens and Zed comes backing
out, still bowing and muttering. Then he turns and his face
Official White 99.
The High Priest, the King, the Queen, and a dozen Temple
Acolytes are staring at him in amazement. Oh stands beside
the High Priest dressed just like him.
I was just looking for the
I told him not to go in.
(scared, points at Zed)
The guards arrest Oh as Cain steps up and takes hold of Zed.
Should've invited me to the party.
60 INT. DUNGEON - MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
In the dim torchlight, we see Zed hanging spread-eagle five
feet off the ground, his arms and legs stretched out wide and
tightly bound to iron rings imbedded in the stone.
Oh is shackled to the wall beside him, hanging upside down.
They hear the faint scream of a man being tortured somewhere
deep in the prison.
I wish I was upside down. Looks
Oh won't talk to him.
So this is it? We're not friends
anymore? After all I've done for
Official White 100.
What have you done for me? I've
been attacked by a cougar, I've
fallen down a mountain, I almost
had the tip of my thingy cut off,
I've been greasing up the High
Priest all night, and now I'm
hanging upside down in a dungeon.
And I have to pee real bad. All
because of you. You call yourself
a friend? Name one good thing
you've done for me.
I've helped you come out of your
I really have to pee--
Listen, I know I'm not perfect, and
I may have made a few wrong turns,
but you have to understand-- I'm a
chosen. That's a lot of
responsibility -- you can't even
The only one who thinks you're
chosen is you, so shut up already!
Okay, be mad, but I'm going to get
us out of here, if it's the last
thing I do.
Zed starts frantically yanking on his shackles to no avail.
That was just my first idea-- and
I'm also accepting ideas.
Guard! I have to pee! Now!
(can't hold it anymore)
Official White 101.
Because he's upside down, the streams runs down his stomach,
over his chest, down his neck, onto his chin and over his
I hate you.
61 EXT. PUBLIC SQUARE - EARLY MORNING
A curious, jeering MOB is gathering as Zed and Oh, in
shackles, are led by a SQUAD OF GUARDS to a raised platform
in the middle of the square.
The heavy pounding of martial drums silences the crowd. Cain
presides over the execution. He addresses the crowd.
For the crimes of blasphemy--
(the crowd grumbles its
(admiring oohs and aahs)
And the murder of my brother Abel--
Oh, come on!
Shut up! For these and other
crimes they may not actually have
done yet but we're pretty sure they
were thinking about, the prisoners
will be stoned to death.
The crowd roars as GUARDS stationed around the square pull
canvas covers off big baskets of rocks and the people rush to
grab stones to throw.
Zed and Oh instinctively move closer to each other.
The King, Queen, High Priest and Royal Ministers observe the
stoning from their vantage point above the square. Princess
Inanna refuses to look.
Official White 102.
Observe, my dear. It seems the
least you could do, since it was
you who lured him to his death.
She reluctantly turns and looks at Zed.
I didn't intend for this to happen.
The people move in and surround the platform on all sides,
baseball-size rocks in their hands.
(to Zed and Oh)
Anything to say before the sentence
is carried out?
(to the crowd)
I just want to say this is really
The people fling their rocks with all their might.
Zed and Oh duck.
The rocks fly over their heads and hit people in the crowd on
the opposite sides, several bystanders taking painful hits in
the head, some falling down unconscious.
Cain notes the impracticality of having people throw rocks
from all directions.
Okay! Stop! Halt! Hold it! This
Can I make a suggestion?
Official White 103.
Why don't you just pick one person
The crowd thinks that's not a bad idea and murmurs agreement.
(pressing the advantage)
In fact, don't you think it would
be fair for us to get to pick the
person who stones us?
Cain looks doubtful, but the crowd thinks this is eminently
(some eagerly raising
their hands and waving
like school children)
Yes! Ooh, me! Pick me! Me!
ON THE BALCONY
The King grabs Sargon.
What is that idiot doing?
IN THE SQUARE
Zed spots a good candidate in the crowd.
We pick him!
Cain points at a BIG GUY, heavily muscled, eagerly waving his
No, next to him!
He points at a BOY, about nine years old and not very big.
He's just a kid!
Official White 104.
So? You got something against
Zed plays the crowd which starts booing in disapproval.
This guy hates kids!
Yeah! What's he got against kids?
Children are the future! Give the
kid a shot! The kid! The kid!
On the balcony, the King shifts uncomfortably, intimidated by
the power of the mob. He nods to Sargon who signals to Cain.
All right! All right! We'll try
it. Kid! Grab a rock.
The boy picks up a good-size rock.
Zed turns to Oh.
Good thinking, huh?
They turn to face the boy, ready to dodge when he throws.
The boy winds up and fires a major league fastball that
smacks Oh right on the forehead. The crowd cheers.
Holy shit! That kid's got an arm!
I think he hit me.
The boy fires again.
Oh spins and tries to duck but takes the rock right on the
Hey! There's two of us!
The crowd cheers and pats the kid on the back.
Okay, everybody on this side now!
On the count of three! One-- two--
Official white 105.
Wait! I have a question for the
The crowd goes silent. All eyes turn and look up to the
(shouts to the King)
Why didn't I die in the Holy of
On the balcony, everyone is totally stopped by his question.
One by one they all look to the High Priest who seems to be
In the square, the crowd starts muttering. Zed seizes the
I entered the Holy of Holies and,
lo, I did not die! Why? Because I
am chosen by the Gods!
PEOPLE IN THE CROWD
He is chosen! He is the Chosen
One. The Chosen One!
Zed gives Oh a look: "See? I told you."
Spare the Chosen One! Spare the
Chosen One! Spare the Chosen One!
And his friend! Don't forget his
On the balcony, the King and his ministers hastily confer
with the High Priest.
Could it be? Is he truly chosen?
I don't-- I suppose it's possible-
I'd have to examine some new
Official White 106.
Majesty, with respect, whether he's
chosen or not is no longer the
issue. To kill him now, given the
public mood, could inflame the
situation enough to prompt a
radical "regime change," if you
take my meaning.
The King looks grimly at his ministers, all of whom have lean
and hungry looks.
Princess Inanna smiles contemptuously at him.
addressing the crowd in the square.
By order of the King, the sentence
has been commuted.
The crowd cheers. Zed and Oh exchange hopeful looks.
Can't we just stone them a little?
It is the judgement of our most
merciful King that the prisoners
are to be enslaved to toil at hard
labor until they die of exhaustion
(exuberant fist pump)
63 EXT. THE ZIGGURAT - DAY 63
Oh is up to his knees in a mud pit, trampling straw into the
thick mud. A Guard cracks a bullwhip which flicks painfully
across his shoulders.
Official white 107.
Okay, you think that actually makes
anybody work harder? It just makes
them resent you. Is that what you
(whips him again)
Can I just ask when lunch is?
The whip lashes out again.
Oh glowers at him and steps up the pace.
64 THE BRICK YARD 64
Marlak and Enmebaragesi are stacking bricks when zed
Hey! Boys! Long time no see.
They glance up, but ignore him.
Don't tell me you're still mad
about Maya. That's so over. I
have a thing going with the
princess now-- well, almost had a
thing. I'm a slave now-- just like
No. You're not just like me.
Okay. We do have our differences--
like about a cup and half of brain
tissue-- but that doesn't mean we
can't work together.
Another GUARD approaches and whacks Marlak with his stick.
Take those bricks to the top. The
masons are waiting.
Official white 108.
Marlak and Enmebaragesi glower at the guard as they pick up
ropes and harness themselves to a cart loaded with bricks.
GUARD #2 (cont'd)
You! Help them!
He grabs another rope harness off the cart and throws it to
You know, I'd like to, but I did
something to my neck--
(massages his neck)
I must've slept on it funny-- those
dungeon pillows are like rocks--
well, they are rocks-- so I should
probably take it easy or I'll be no
damn good for work tomorrow.
(strikes him across the
back with his stick)
I said move!
Okay! But I should tell you, this
isn't really my area. I'm just on
a break from the mud department--
The Guard draws his short sword and raises it over Zed.
One more word and you die--
(putting on the harness)
Okay, okay. I'm going.
(to Marlak and
Okay, boys, on the count of three.
One-- two-- three!
Marlak and Enmebaragesi lunge against the ropes, but Zed
makes no effort to pull. They glare at him.
Learned that from Maya. Good
trick, huh? Okay, together this
Official White 109.
They pull together and the heavy cart starts to move.
65 EXT. TOP OF THE ZIGGURAT - LATER 65
Zed, Marlak and Enmebaragesi haul the heavy cart of bricks to
the very top of the tower.
TWO BRICKLAYERS are working on the wall. Zed leans against
the wall next to them tb rest.
How high you guys think we're going
Up to Heaven, I guess. That's how
tall they usually build 'em.
We worked on the Tower of Babel.
Now that was a ziggurat.
Zed looks down at his crotch.
That's nothing. You should see it
when I'm excited.
Oh, right, the tower. Incredible
(snickers to himself)
See, the Egyptians are working on
an entirely different concept.
Four sides, slanting walls, pointy
Official White 110.
Like a pyramid?
Wow. Far out. Yet timeless in a
A SLAVE CHILD approaches with a water bucket.
Want some water?
As the child offers him the ladle, Zed recognizes her.
You're from the village, aren't
The child nods.
I bet you wish you were back there
right now, don't you.
The child nods again.
Well, don't give up. You're going
to get home someday.
Marlak kicks Zed from behind, knocking him over.
(standing over him)
Who's going to take her there? The
Marlak kicks gravel and dirt in Zed's face. Zed just lies
there and takes it, feeling like he's failed everyone.
Then he hears the beating of drums and trumpet fanfares
coming from the temple square below.
66 EXT. THE MUD PITS - SAME TIME 66
Oh and the other slaves are mustered by the guards.
Official White 111.
Get in line! Now! Move!
Where're we going?
To watch the sacrifice. The King
Is that compulsory? Because I saw
one when I first got here and it
made me a little sick--
The guard's whip catches him across the back.
Ow! Why don't you try using your
words for a change?
67 EXT. TEMPLE SQUARE - CONTINUOUS 67
The square is filling up with people. The ROYAL PROCESSION
is moving to the seats of honor to watch the sacrifice.
Cain is now among the Royal Guard having been promoted for
his treachery. He bows and helps the Queen to her seat.
At your service, my lady. Anytime,
There's a depraved thought. You're
so delightfully low. Absolute
Thank you, your majesty.
He touches his tongue to the tip of his nose and waggles his
The King arrives with Sargon to loud booing from the crowd.
Official White 112.
Are they booing me? How dare they!
Your Highness, with all due
respect, those were "Woos." They
love you. They were "wooing" you.
The King looks doubtfully at the hostile crowd.
All is in readiness, Majesty.
(glares at the King)
What now? More virgins to
Yes, two, followers of the Chosen
One, discovered by this loyal
Cain bows to the King.
Just doing my duty.
And one more to demonstrate our own
faith and charity.
The King stands and makes a proclamation loud enough for
everyone to hear.
In supplication to the Gods, for
the love of the People, we offer a
humble sacrifice to the sacred
temple fire-- our own step-
daughter, the Princess Inanna!
The crowd gasps.
For the good of the people.
(stands in protest)
You wouldn't dare!
Official white 113.
Wouldn't I? If you like, I could
arrange for you to join her.
The Queen slowly sits back down.
How long did you think I'd tolerate
Sargon and Cain seize Inanna, but she shrugs them off and
rises with dignity.
I'll see you all in Hell.
68 THE GREAT STONE IDOL 68
The flames are starting to build inside the idol's mouth.
69 EXT. TEMPLE SQUARE - SAME TIME 69
Oh and the slaves are confined behind a barrier, watched by a
squad of guards, waiting for the ceremony to start.
THE TEMPLE DOORS open slowly, and the High Priest appears
holding a long jewelled staff.
Oh turns to the EDOMITE SLAVE next to him.
See the High Priest? I know him.
Dear friend of mine.
Now the procession of SACRIFICIAL VIRGINS is led out by the
HIGH PRIESTESS. Maya and Eema are among them, their hands
tied. They look like they've been drugged.
Oh spots Eema and Maya among the virgins.
Official White 114.
That's Eema! And Maya! I know
I guess you know everybody, don't
Oh shoulders his way right up to the barrier where a BIG
GUARD stops him with a spear to his neck.
That's far enough, slave.
Oh stops right there, frustrated and frightened.
Inanna is led out last, now also having been drugged.
70 TOP OF THE ZIGGURAT 70
Zed, Marlak and the sharp-eyed Enmebaragesi look down, trying
to see what's going on.
They're bringing out the women.
How are you seeing that far?
I see your sister, Eema--
TOP OF THE ZIGGURAT
71 THE TEMPLE 71
The drums and trumpets kick up the tempo and the High Priest
starts leading the virgins to the idol's fiery mouth.
Oh pushes against the barrier, restrained by the guard.
Official White 115.
We have to do something! Somebody
has to stop it.
(turning to the other
We can't let them do this!
The slaves start to mutter. The guards draw their swords and
heft their spears, now on high alert.
72 TOP OF THE ZIGGURAT 72
Zed looks around desperately, trying to figure out what to
I have to get down there.
Over my dead body.
Without a moment's hesitation, Marlak grabs him and tosses
him off the top of the ziggurat. He screams all the way
Wow. Who saw that coming?
Zed looks around quickly, grabs the end of a long coiled rope
attached to a big pulley, and hands Marlak the other end.
(looping the rope around
Lower me down.
Without waiting for a response, Zed bravely jumps off the top
of the ziggurat holding the rope.
Official White 116.
Marlak looks at the rope in his hands, pulls it a little and
sees that it's not attached to the rope Zed was holding.
He's descending rapidly, rappelling off the side of the
ziggurat. He looks up, expecting Marlak to belay him and
slow him down.
Any time now, Marlak!
Marlak and Enmebaragesi watch his descent, dumbly interested
in what happens next.
Zed sees he's not slowing down and tries to swing himself
onto one of the upper levels of the ziggurat. However, when
he swings in, he hits a cart loaded with bricks and bounces
THE BRICK CART
The sudden jolt dislodges the wheel chock that was holding
the cart on the sloping ramp of the tower. The cart starts
to roll down the ramp, gathering speed as it careens toward
73 THE HIGH PRIEST 73
He raises his staff and invokes the Gods.
We implore the great Gods of heaven
to show us a sign that we may honor
your divine will and be worthy of
Official White 117.
74 THE ZIGGURAT 74
The brick cart explodes through the scaffolding on the side
of the ziggurat and sails into the air.
THE ROYAL ENCLOSURE
Everybody turns at the sound of the crash and looks up at the
THE BRICK PITS
The NASTY GUARD who whipped Oh earlier glances up and is
instantly crushed by a ton of falling bricks.
Zed is still descending as the broken scaffolding starts to
The whole crowd watches in amazement as the 250 foot
scaffolding slowly collapses and crashes to the ground,
bringing tons of debris with it, sending up a great cloud of
THE HIGH PRIEST
He looks shocked.
He seizes the opportunity.
A sign! It's a sign! The Chosen
The other slaves and people in the crowd pick up his
Official White 118.
The Chosen One! A sign from the
THE HIGH PRIEST
He doesn't quite know how to respond to the growing fervor of
Yes! Well and truly, the Gods are
The crowd drowns him out.
75 THE BASE OF THE ZIGGURAT 75
A guard is standing there staring at the rubble of the
scaffolding as Zed comes screaming down the side of the
ziggurat and lands right on top of him. Zed quickly strips
the unconscious guard of his weapons, starts to run off,
stops, comes back and grabs the guard's helmet, then takes
off running to the temple square.
76 THE ALTAR 76
The High Priest is getting frantic now.
Burn them! Now!
He grabs Maya and starts dragging her toward the gaping mouth
of the idol and the raging fire within. She struggles but is
too drugged to put up much resistance. He grabs the
sacramental pitcher of oil and starts sloppily anointing her.
HIGH PRIEST (cont'd)
May the balm of this healing oil
soothe your journey through the
Don't fight it! It's the will of
Then, a voice from above.
Official White 119.
I don't think so!
Zed is standing atop the idol's head, brandishing a sword and
She sees him and starts to revive.
THE HIGH PRIEST
looks up, unable to hear Zed over the crowd noise.
(cupping his ear)
What did you say?
I said, 'I don't think so!'
(shakes his head)
Still not getting it.
Zed rolls his eyes in frustration and starts tentatively
climbing down from the top of the idol. He jumps the last
few feet and lands right in front of the fire, blocking the
High Priest's way.
I Said, 'I don't think so.'
You don't think what?
Whatever that last thing you said
Official White 120.
Guards rush toward Zed from all sides, but he fights like a
demon, slashing, spinning, stabbing, fending off their blows
with his shield.
Oh is inspired by Zed's courage.
(to the Edomite slave)
I know him, too.
Oh springs into action, attacking the big guard in front of
him. The other slaves see that and start fighting with their
guards, a genuine slave revolt.
Guards start moving to help their comrades, but the spirit of
insurrection takes hold of the crowd and people start
grappling with the guards.
A PLATOON OF REINFORCEMENTS comes double-timing into the
Suddenly, A STOOPED OLD MAN throws off his cloak and pulls a
sword. It's Abraham!
Death to the idolators!
Abraham's small army of HEBREWS reveal themselves, draw their
weapons and attack the reinforcements.
The last Hebrew to unrobe is Isaac, who just stands there
observing the growing chaos.
(shaking his head)
Just fucking nuts.
77 MARLAK AND ENMEBARAGESI 77
They come running into the battle swinging clubs, randomly
bashing heads of soldiers and innocent civilians alike.
Cain sees Marlak and stands his ground.
Tough guy, huh? You want a piece
of me? Get ready to have your head
Official White 121.
As Cain raises his truncheon, Marlak HEAD-BUTTS him.
(nose bleeding, stunned)
He passes out and goes down.
78 THE KING 78
He starts to panic at the full-scale revolt and rises
nervously. His ministers surround him, he thinks to protect
I knew I could depend on your
The ministers all draw daggers from their robes and move in
for the kill.
He falls to their flashing knives.
79 THE TEMPLE 79
Oh fights his way to the temple stairs, runs up and confronts
a PRIEST who is trying to drag Eema away. He fights with
very little skill but tremendous energy, finally overwhelming
the guard and grabbing Eema.
(suddenly shy again)
(still a little dazed)
He stares at her full red lips and big blue eyes.
Eema, you're my woman! You hear
Official White 122.
Really? It's okay?
He pulls her into an embrace and kisses her hard on the
mouth. Then, out of the corner of his eye, Oh sees a guard
rushing at him. Oh whirls and falls off the platform,
accidentally cutting the guards legs out from under him.
80 THE HIGH PRIEST 80
While Zed is busy with the guards, the High Priest pulls Maya
toward the fire.
Zed sees him, finishes the last of the guards, and starts
slowly moving toward the High Priest who starts backing away
until he sees Oh moving toward him from the other side. He
holds the helpless Maya close to the flames.
(screaming and crying)
Let her go.
(his mascara running)
No! The Gods demand a sacrifice!
And you ruined it!
He wrestles Maya even closer to the fire.
(trying to keep him calm)
Why don't we just sacrifice
something small-- a rabbit maybe.
Or a duck. That'd be good, don't
No! A duck would not be good!
Then how about this?
The High Priest turns to Oh.
Oh is holding the big sacramental pitcher.
Official White 123.
He splashes the High Priest with a gallon of oil, soaking him
from head to toe. As the oil hits the High Priest, Zed
dashes across and snatches Maya from his grasp.
The High Priest spins around in a rage, his long robes wrap
around his legs hobbling him, he totters on his high platform
shoes, loses his balance and gets too close to the idol's
fiery mouth. Totally drenched in oil, he bursts into flame
like a human torch, screams, and staggers right into the
mouth of the furnace.
Everyone goes silent, stunned by the incredible turn of
events. All eyes turn to Zed and Oh, now standing before
them on the center stage of the temple.
ZED AND OH
They look at each other. Someone has to say something.
Finally, Zed clears his throat.
I'm the, uh, Chosen One, I guess,
and on behalf of, well, the whole
city, I want to thank the High
Priest for his incredible
sacrifice. That was really
something, wasn't it?
He starts clapping, then Oh starts clapping, and soon all the
people in the square are applauding.
At that moment a single drop of rain falls and hits Zed in
the eye. He looks up, a few more drops, then a hard steady
rain starts to fall.
The people all look up in awe, then someone cheers and they
all roar in celebration. Then the rain stops as suddenly as
it started. The cheers die away, and confused, dissatisfied
(jumping in quickly)
People! Friends! Sodomites!
Okay, that was a little confusing,
Official White 124.
Was that a sign from God? Wasn't
it a sign? What's the deal? We
all want to know. But I'm not sure
anybody really knows-- and I'd be
real suspicious of people who say
they do. If I've learned one
thing, it's this: the world and
everything in it is a miracle. And
what that miracle means is for each
and every one of us to figure out
for himself. Are the Gods going to
destroy us? Maybe-- I don't know--
I guess it's possible. But if we
keep going the way we are, they
won't have to. We're doing a
pretty good job of destroying
ourselves. So maybe we should all
just go home now, and think about
what happened-- and be very, very
good to each other. I know I'm
going to try.
(raises his hand in salute
to the people)
The crowd stares at him blankly. Nobody knows what to make
of it all. Then Marlak shouts loud enough for all to hear.
All hail the Chosen One!
With that the crowd explodes into rousing cheers.
In the midst of the crowd, Abraham looks around and scowls.
What am I? Chopped liver?
At the altar, Maya, revived now, embraces Zed.
You're incredible, you know that?
That's what I've been trying to
Zed and Maya, Oh and Eema stand there basking in the
gratitude of the people as Inanna looks on.
Official white 125.
81 EXT. GATES OF THE CITY - A FEW DAYS LATER 81
A caravan is assembling, making ready to leave the city.
Marlak, Enmebaragesi, Maya, Eema and the other villagers are
there, as well as a great number of freed slaves and Hebrews.
Isaac is checking out Maya's breasts.
Hey, babe. Ever made it with a
Marlak grunts at him and reaches for his knife.
Is she with you? I did not realize
Marlak and Maya cross to Zed who is loading a packhorse.
Marlak looks at him for a long moment then punches him hard
on the shoulder.
You did good.
Zed waits for more, but nothing comes.
(rubbing his shoulder)
Well said, Marlak. You really have
a way with words.
They clasp hands.
We'll tell stories about you around
Not much to tell, is there? Just
an average guy who saw his destiny
and had the courage to defy a
powerful empire. No big deal.
Oh is at the front of the caravan, giving orders, but no one
is listening to him. Zed joins him.
Official White 126.
Yeah, just about-- I guess so. The
Hebrews are going to lead us to the
sea and we can get boats from
there. We can trade all this stuff
everybody gave us for the trip
I don't think I should be the
leader. Nobody's listening to me.
(by his side)
I'll listen to you.
Oh swells up with pride.
(turns to Zed)
Come back to the village sometime.
Zed nods, they shake hands, then they embrace. Stifling a
tear, Oh breaks away and whips the lead camel.
(shouting at camel)
(beat, quietly to camel)
Come on. People are watching.
The camel looks at him and slowly lumbers off.
Oh sighs gratefully and signals the caravan to follow.
As the great caravan moves off, Zed is left standing there
with nothing but a long staff, and a bundle on the ground
beside him to which is tied his sword, shield and helmet.
Maya joins him.
Where will you go now?
Might head down to Egypt. I hear
it's a happening kinda place.
Are you going alone?
Not necessarily. You want to come?
Official White 127.
I'll get my things.
She gestures off and he sees a small train of camels and
horses loaded with a ton of her personal possessions.
The Princess gave me a few gifts
when she freed us.
Traveling light, huh? Okay, here
To the west!
I knew that. Just wanted to see if
Zed grins and they start walking, passing a small herd of
sheep and goats, tended by VEILED WOMEN, going in the
As THE LAST OF THE SHEPHERD WOMEN passes, we notice something
masculine about her build and posture. Zed nods politely to
her, but she averts her eyes and turns away from him.
(in a high unconvincing
zed does a double take at the voice, shrugs, and walks off
with Maya-- as a torrential rain begins to fall.