Mystery Men - Revised June 6,1997
THE MYSTERY MEN
By Neil Cuthbert
Based on the Dark Horse comic created by Bob Burden
Revised June 6, 1997
THEME AND CREDITS...
FADE IN:
EXT. ERIE HOSPITAL FOR THE CRIMINALLY INSANE - DAY
CAMERA MOVES THROUGH a tangled jungle of razor wire, finally COMING
INTO VIEW of a foreboding, fortress-like old institution, surrounded by
towers and gun turrets. Screaming and horrible laughter is heard from
within...
CLOSE ON a sign that reads "Erie Hospital for the Criminally Insane"
... This is where the worst killers and psychos go.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - CONTINUOUS
THE CAMERA PANS THE EXPRESSIONLESS FACES of the REVIEW BOARD as
CASANOVA FRANKENSTEIN sits across from them. Dressed in an
immaculately tailored prison smock (with "Casanova" exquisitely
embroidered above the pocket), he sits contritely as DOCTOR EMMET
BIERCE, the hospital's fatherly Chief of Psychiatry, presents his case.
BIERCE
No one can deny the horrendous nature of Mr.
Frankenstein's crimes, but in the twenty years
he has been with us, I have never seen a
patient turn his energies to more productive
use.
CASANOVA, the picture of remorse and repentance.
BIERCE
Just look at his accomplishments... three
volumes of poetry, two rock operas, a sculpture
garden, four romance novels... and who can
forget his touching portrayal of Billy Bigelow
in our all-psychotic production of
"Carousel"...
ON SEVERAL OF THE BOARD getting misty eyed at the memory of that
brilliant performance...
BIERCE
Directed by our own Doctor Anabel Leek.
ON DOCTOR ANABEL LEEK, the hospital's icily beautiful, ultra cool, top
shrink.
A moment later Casanova addresses them... His manner is charming,
sincere, his voice soft, filled with emotion. He is a master of
seduction.
CASANOVA
Twenty years ago I was a lost soul.
Loveless...
(with a son-like glance at Doctor Bierce)
Fatherless...
(chokes on the word)
A... psycho!
(breaks down sobbing)
Oh! How could I have done it? The murder...
the mayhem... all of those lovely young girls!
(weeping, a brilliant performance)
I'm sorry! I'm SO SO SORRY!
Doctor Bierce wipes the tears from his eyes. Reactions from the board,
moved, as Casanova weeps convulsively. Doctor Leek shows no reaction.
CASANOVA
(pulls himself together)
But my deeds have been done, and my youth is
gone, and we can only go forward in this cruel
world... and if I have learned anything from my
wretched life it is that... When you walk
through a storm, keep your head held high...
(singing)
And don't be afraid of the dark...
Tears plop dawn the cheeks of the review board as the FULLY
ORCHESTRATED STRAINS OF "WHEN YOU WALK THROUGH A STORM" SWELL...
SERIES OF SHOTS - AS THE MUSIC CONTINUES
A hand stamps Casanova's file "CURED"... Casanova shakes hands and
embraces the tearful members of the review board, finishing with a
paternal hug from Doctor Bierce.
In his cell a guard delivers Casanova his favorite old disco suit
(that's been waiting far him for twenty years).
Casanova, dressed in the suit, walks down the central aisle of the
lock-up... A moment later he steps out of the massive gates of the
hospital, and takes his first deep breath of freedom... while in an
office window high above Bierce and the members of the review board
stand watching, very proud...
But suddenly THE MUSIC CHANGES TO SEVENTIES DISCO as a black Ferrari
drives up, and Doctor Leek, now dressed very sexily, gets out... As the
review board watches in stunned silence, Casanova and Anabel perform a
nifty little disco twirl, finishing with a very lewd kiss...
Bierce, watching, realizes he's been duped... as Casanova, grinning up
at him, puts a long gold chain (his favorite weapon) around his neck...
Bierce, horrified, picks up the telephone... as Casanova and Anabel get
in the car.
INT. THE CAR - A MOMENT LATER
Casanova and Anabel drive off. The massive old hospital is seen
through the rear window behind them, as Casanova calmly looks at his
watch...
CLOSE ON HIS WATCH -
as the second hand just swings toward the twelve. It is exactly twelve
noon...
BACK ON CASANOVA -
CASANOVA
(almost wistfully)
Boom.
And the hospital EXPLODES in a HUGE FIREBALL that completely consumes
it.
CASANOVA
Those gas leaks can be murder.
EXT. THE ROAD - DAY
The Ferrari drives past and the CAMERA HOLDS ON a sign that reads
"We1come to Champion City, home of Captain Amazing". The city itself, a
crumbling rust belt metropolis (ala Detroit) can be seen stretched out
along the shore of Lake Champion off in the distance...
INSIDE THE CAR - CONTINUOUS - ON CASANOVA
CASANOVA
I'm home.
BACK ON THE ROAD - CONTINUOUS
The Ferrari drives under a much larger billboard that looms over the
road, showing a picture of Captain Amazing himself, a square jawed
classic superhero, staring fiercely into the camera. The caption reads
"Crime. Don't even think about it."
EXT. TRAIN YARDS OF CHAMPION CITY - NIGHT
Letters read "Six months later"...
as the CAMERA EXPLORES the desolate muddy terrain of the train yards,
CRUISING past piles of tires and abandoned train cars...
CAMERA PICKS UP a battered van as it drives through the yard, then
pulls up beside an old boxcar. The back of the van is thrown open, a
ramp is thrown down, and THE RED EYES, a gang of vicious small time
thieves (all of whom wear sunglasses with red lenses) start unloading
their night's haul... RED EYE 1 drives a golf cart, with clubs, down
the ramp.
RED EYE 1
Golf anyone?
Several more Red Eyes emerge carrying a sawn off bike rack with bikes
still attached, a barber pole, a Virgin Mary lawn statue, and a top of
the line baby stroller... while their leader, BIG RED, stands in the
door to the boxcar, watching approvingly.
RED EYE 2
Not a bad night's work.
BIG RED
Who said crime don't pay?
The Red Eyes laugh... as Red Eye 3 takes the cover off the baby
stroller and sees... that there's a BABY still in it.
RED EYE 3
Hey, Boss, we got a stowaway.
The crooks gather around the baby, a jolly little kid who just laughs
at them.
RED EYE 4
(about to slug him)
Who you laughin' at, punk?
RED EYE 2
He's just a tyke. Lighten up.
RED EYE 5
He's kinda cute.
RED EYE 3
If you like drool.
RED EYE 2
Hey, why don't we sell him back to his parents?
For a million bucks!
The others think that's a great idea, but Big Red doesn't.
BIG RED
And what if he rats on us?
The others hadn't thought of that.
RED EYE 3
So what should we do with him?
BIG RED
Stick a brick in his Pampers and dump him in
the lake.
The others think that's a good idea and look around for a brick.
RED EYE 3
Come on, kid, you're goin' for a swim.
But suddenly there is another presence... A man in a blue turban and
cape with the initials "BR" on his chest has appeared... He is THE BLUE
RAJA.
RAJA
Not so fast, gentlemen--and I use the term
loosely... Unhand that youngster...
Another man steps into the light. He wears a construction helmet and
mask. There is an "S" on his chest, and he carries an old shovel. He
is THE SHOVELER.
SHOVELER
Or you're mulch.
He brandishes his shovel for effect. The Red Eyes look at these two,
highly amused.
BIG RED
What are you guys supposed to be...
superheroes?
A third man steps out. His costume is less dramatic than the others.
He wears only an old leather jacket and a faded, torn shirt with flames
on it, but the fierce look on his face and the atrociousness of his
haircut make it very clear that he is the craziest and most dangerous
of the three. He is MISTER FURIOUS.
FURIOUS
We ARE superheroes!
BIG RED
Really? Did you mother make those costumes?
The crooks howl with laughter.
BIG RED
This is our territory. Beat it.
FURIOUS
Over YOUR dead body.
Big Red turns to the others and shakes with pretended fear.
BIG RED
0ooooo, he's scary.
The Red Eyes laugh, but suddenly, a small silver projectile whizzes
through the air and implants itself in Big Red's backside. He howls
with pain, pulls it out and examines it... It's a silver dessert fork.
BIG RED
A fork!
The Raja holds up his hands, each of which hold a spread of silver
forks.
RAJA
And there's plenty more where that came from.
Big Red gives a shrill whistle, and a dozen more Red Eyes step out of
an old caboose... including MIKEY, a four hundred pound behemoth. He
is eating a container of Ben and Jerry's like it was an ice cream cone,
taking huge bites out of it, container and all.
RAJA AND SHOVELER, reacting... Gulp. This was more than they'd
bargained for. But Furious just growls; he's game.
BIG RED
GET 'EM!
The Red Eyes attack... Mister Furious goes into a furious face; his
hair stands out straight and he rushes right into the oncoming
crooks...
A Red Eye takes a swing at the Shoveler--but he simply puts up his
shovel and lets the crook slug the shovel's pan. The crook yelps with
pain and shakes his battered hand... as the Raja fends off crooks,
poking them with salad forks... and the baby sits in his stroller,
watching and laughing, really enjoying the show. (There's no real
martial artistry or teamwork here; this is a classic back alley
brouhaha.)
But there's too many of then... The Raja goes down under swinging
fists... and so does the Shoveler...
Furious holds his own, taking out crooks with powerful lefts and
rights--until Mikey runs him down like a truck, falling right on top of
him and crushing him under his massive weight.
RED EYES
Crush him, Mikey!... Mash him!... Mush him!
FURIOUS
(barely audible under all that meat)
Is that all you got?
RED EYES
He wants more!... Squish him!... Finish him
off!
FURIOUS
(faintly)
Your mother!
Mikey, sweating, bears down... but suddenly, a calm, very authoritative
voice is heard.
VOICE (0.S.)
Is there a problem?
Everything suddenly stops, as the Red Eyes look up and see... CAPTAIN
AMAZING standing on tap of the boxcar, hands on hips, framed in the
light at the moon, his biceps bulging, his state of the art physique
sculpted body armor gleaming in the moonlight, his cape wafting
heroically in the wind. He is superhero perfection incarnate.
ON THE RED EYES as their viciousness turns instantly to panic...
RED EYES
IT'S CAPTAIN AMAZING!
Big Red and a couple others try to run for it, but Amazing leaps ca-
like off the boxcar and is on them in a flash. As the baby claps his
hands in delight, and our three heroes watch in beat-up awe, Amazing
deftly takes out the crooks with expert punches and effortlessly
delivered elbows and kicks. He is the consumate superhero, and he
doesn't even break a sweat.
The remaining Red Eyes drop to their knees and throw up their hands in
surrender.
RED EYES
We give!... We're sorry!... We had terrible
childhoods! (Etc.)
Police cars and a TV truck come screeching into the train yard... and
the scene is suddenly flooded vith light and swarming with cops and
reporters...
Our three heroes try to approach Captain Amazing (who still looks fresh
as a daisy).
RAJA
Nice work, Captain.
But Amazing just walks past them, ignoring them completely, as if they
didn't even exist. He goes to greet DAWN WONG (Champion City's answer
to Connie Chung).
AMAZING
(turning on the old superhero charm)
Hi. Dawn.
DAWN
(putty in his hands, pudding in his bowl)
Looks like you've done it again, Captain.
AMAZING
It's what I do.
Our heroes just watch, feeling ignored, humiliated. Furious growls.
Suddenly, TWO COPS are accosting them.
COP 1
Okay, show's over. Move it. On your way.
RAJA
Wait a minute, Officers. You don't understand--
we're superheroes, and we just busted up this
gang.
COP 1
Really? Let me guess-you're Towel Head and
he's...
(meaning the Shoveler)
Captain Pooper Scooper!
The cops crack up. Furious growls at them. The cops yank out their
nightsticks.
COP 1
Hey! Move it!
COP 2
Get a life!
COP 1
And leave crime fighting to the real thing!
Shoveler and Raja pull Furious away before he gets into real trouble...
The cops watch as our three heroes disappear into the night.
COP 1
Wannabes.
COP 2
Pathetic.
EXT. THE LAKESIDE DINER - NIGHT - ESTABLISHING
An inner city greasy spoon.
INT. THE DINER - CONTINUOUS - CLOSE ON A TV SCREEN
on which Captain Amazing, the laughing baby in his arms, is being
interviewed by Dawn Wong. He's playing the cutsy photo op for all its
worth, gootchy-gooing the kid, etc. Dawn is creaming.
Our three heroes sit at a booth in the back of the diner, watching the
tube...
RAJA
(nursing a sore jaw)
He doesn't miss a trick, does he?
FURIOUS
What a jerk--and like nobody knows who he really is!
SHOVELER
Oh don't start that again--
FURIOUS
LOOK!
Furious picks up the newspaper on which there is a photo of a good
looking guy in a tux at a benefit... The headline reads "Lance Hunt
Hosts Benefit." He holds the picture up next to the television, so the
faces of Lance Hunt and Captain Amazing are side by side. It is
obviously the same guy.
FURIOUS
He's Lance Hunt! Just take off the glasses--
and it's him!
RAJA
There's a vague similarity.
FURIOUS
A vague similarity? IT'S THE SAME GUY!
SHOVELER
(downing some aspirin)
0h, who gives a damn who he is? I can't take
this anymore. Night after night we're on the
streets, busting our humps--and for what?
RAJA
We take the licks and he gets the chicks.
SHOVELER
How long do you have to chase a dream before
you realize it's not gonna happen?
FURIOUS
We need a break, that's all! Nobody'd ever
heard of him until he busted Casanova
Frankenstein!
RAJA
But look at him... and look at us.
SHOVELER
The camera loves him.
A depressed silence. Furious turns his attention to the napkin
dispenser.
FURIOUS
(furious)
Why do they always fill stuff these things so
full you can't pull 'em out without ripping
'em!
(rips one out)
RAJA
I lost another fork tonight. She's getting
suspicious, I know it.
FURIOUS
So why don't you just tell her!
RAJA
I can't.
FURIOUS
Why not?
RAJA
(upset)
Because I can't! Okay? She wouldn't
understand!
SHOVELER
Leave him alone. She's his mother, not yours.
FURIOUS
We had an off night, that's all.
SHOVELER
So when are we gonna have an on night?
A WAITRESS is standing at the table.
WAITRESS
Hi.
They look at her, taken aback. She's very pretty.
RAJA
You're... new.
WAITRESS
It's my first night. My name's Monica.
CLOSE ON FURIOUS, smitten by her, but almost afraid to look at her.
Under all that rage, he's in fact shy.
MONICA
You guys going to a costume party?
RAJA
We're superheroes.
MONICA
Really? Like Captain Amazing?
Furious growls.
MONICA
Are you famous?
RAJA
Not yet.
MONICA
So you're like... struggling superheroes?
RAJA
We prefer to think of ourselves as unsung... I
am the Blue Raja, Master of Silverware...
(does a very impressive
little flipping thing with
his place setting)
MONICA
Wow.
RAJA
And these are my associatiates, the Shoveler.
SHOVELER
Hi.
RAJA
And Mister Furious... His anger is his power.
MONICA
(intrigued by Furious)
Really?
RAJA
Usually a superpower is a magical endowment or
a great skill. In his case, it's entirely
emotional.
MONICA
So what can I get you?
RAJA
Burgers all around.
(meaning himself)
Medium.
(meaning the Shoveler)
Rare.
(meaning Furious}
Raw.
A moment later as Monica walks away, Furious can't help but
watch her. The Raja replaces the diner's dinnerware with the good
stuff from his coat.
RAJA
She likes you.
SHOVELER
Definitely.
RAJA
Ask her out.
FURIOUS
Nah.
RAJA
Roy, when was the last time you had an actual
date?
FURIOUS
(getting very pissed off)
What does it matter? Women just want to
control you--and talk about their feelings.
They want to know why you're angry all the
time--and what can they can do to help--so you
tell them there's nothing--nothing--just leave
me alone--but they bug you and they bug you and
they bug you--until you just can't stand it
anymore!--so you finally open up--you pop like
a blister--and it all comes spewing out--all
your emotions--your feelings--your fears--all
of it!
(after a beat)
And then they dump you.
RAJA
So you're chicken?
FURIOUS
(fiercely)
Who's chicken?
(gets up)
Monica stands at the counter placing her order. Furious approaches
her, leans against the counter. For a moment he just stands there,
fuming, unable to think of anything to say. She isn't sure what to make
of this.
FURIOUS
Doesn't it piss you off the way the when you
really want to talk to somebody you can't think
of anything to say!
MONICA
I guess... Are you always so angry?
FURIOUS
Only when I'm awake... You busy after work?
She shrugs.
FURIOUS
Want to go out and get drunk?
She's visibly turned off by that.
FURIOUS
Or talk?
MONICA
Not tonight.
(picks up an order and walks away)
EXT. OUTSIDE THE DINER - LATER
Furious, the Raja, and the Shoveler step out.
RAJA
Maybe you should try a more romantic approach.
FURIOUS
(gets on his old Harley)
Like what? Cutting off my own ear?
RAJA
Or flowers.
FURIOUS
See ya tomorrow.
Furious kicks his engine started and speeds off into the night as the
Shoveler opens the door of his battered Ford Esquire station wagon, and
the Raja gets into his ancient Datsun.
EXT. RESIDENTIAL STREET - NIGHT
The Shoveler pulls into the driveway of his very modest house. The
front yard looks like a battle zone. Bikes and kids' junk are
everywhere.
LIVING ROOM - A MOMENT LATER
as big a disaster area as the front yard. His kids, EDDIE JR. (15),
LENORE (12), BUTCH (10), TRACY (7), and ROLAND (5) are all sprawled in
front of the television. The Shoveler enters, and his kids don't even
bother to look up from the tube.
SHOVELER
Hey, when are you guys gonna clean this place
up?
TRACY
When you're on TV.
EDDIE JR.
Right--like that will ever happen.
LENORE
Save any babies lately?
ON THE SHOVELER, silent, hurt.
TRACY
Faster than a speeding turtle--
BUTCH
More powerful than a deodorant--
EDDIE JR.
Able to eat twelve donuts in a single sitting--
LENORE
Look, snoring in his chair--
EDDIE JR.
Sitting on the john--
ALL
It's... Supergut!
The kids all laugh (in that derisive way that kids do so well) as the
Shoveler dejectedly walks into the kitchen.
INT. KITCHEN - A MOMENT LATER
The Shoveler enters, dejected. His wife, Lucille, is doing the dishes.
She looks up, sees him.
LUCILLE
(feels for him)
Rough night, Eddie?
He nods.
EXT. THE RAJA'S HOUSE - NIGHT - ESTABLISHING
The Raja's Datsun is parked in front of a neat as a pin little
Victorian house.
INT. THE DINING ROOM - NIGHT
The room is dark. Someone is sneaking around. A drawer is quietly
opened, and we hear the gentle clink of silver. Suddenly, the light
goes on and we see the Blue Raja, now dressed in a sport shirt and
slacks, with his hand in the drawer. His MOTHER, in her nightclothes,
stands by the door where she has just switched on the light.
MOTHER
Jeffrey!
RAJA
Oh hi, Mom.
MOTHER
What are you doing in the silver drawer?
RAJA
Looking for... the TV Guide.
She just looks at him, very suspicious.
MOTHER
It's on the television.
RAJA
Of course. I'm such a fool... Thanks, Mummy.
Go to bed.
He kisses her and goes into the next room. CAMERA HOLDS ON MOM; she
doesn't trust him.
EXT. HILLTOP - NIGHT - ANGLE ON
A billboard overlooking the city. Captain Amazing is posed wearing a
pair of bright blue Nikes. The caption reads. "It's a nice world.
Sonebody's got to save it... The Nike Supershoe. It's Amazing."
Furious sits on his Harley, taking long hauls from a pint bottle of
cheap bourbon and gazing up at the sign.
FURIOUS
Amazing? What's so amazing about him? I'd be
amazing, too, if I'd inherited two hundred
million bucks... or two bucks... or two
cents...
(hurls the empty bottle, smashing
it against the sign)
Who am I kidding? Dreams don't come true.
A moment of despondency, and then he hears a strange sound overhead and
looks up...
HIS POV -
as something suddenly flies across the star filled night sky above
him...
It is Captain Amazing, wearing a high tech rocket pack on his back...
FURIOUS
Where's he going?
(kicks his Harley started)
SERIES OF SHOTS - WITH MUSIC
as Furious, following Captain Amazing, rides roughshod down the steep
hill, skidding onto a road and then speeding through a residential
area...
He cuts onto some railroad tracks, hops his bike up on a rail, and
rides smoothly along it, following Amazing... He turns off the tracks,
rides roughly through some woods, then emerges from the trees and
sees..
A foreboding looking old mansion... Captain Amazing lands on the
highest part of its roof... Furious pulls up, gazes at the front gates
of the mansion...
HIS POV -
Letters across the iron gates read... "Frankenstein".
EXT. ON THE ROOF - CONTINUOUS
Captain Amazing abandons his jet pack and moves across the old slate
roof like Spiderman, leaping nimbly from gable to gable and walking
along a high ridge like a tight rope walker. Finally he approaches a
skylight, looks down and sees...
A huge old library with an iron catwalk running around it. Casanova
Frankenstein sits in a club chair by a roaring tire. Anabel perches on
the arm of his chair. In the other chair sits a once good looking, now
paunchy guy, with a meticulously coiffed haircut. He is TONY
POMPADOUR, head of the infamous Disco Boys.
0N CAPTAIN AMAZING
AMAZING
(just as he suspected)
Uh-huh.
He sees that the skylight is open, and quietly lets himself in...
INT. THE LIBRARY - CONTINUOUS
Casanova and Tony P savor glasses of brandy and puff on big cigars.
CASANOVA
I hope you enjoy these cigars. I had to kill a
dozen Cubans to get them.
TONY P
Ummm.
CASANOVA
Have you considered my offer?
TONY P
You know, Mr. F, me and the boys always loved
workin' for you. You had such style: the
clothes, the dancin', the elegant way you'd
snuff a babe. You were the King...
Casanova accepts this graciously.
TONY P
But times have changed, and you been in that
bug house a long tine. I can see you still got
the style, but I dunno for sure you still got
the edge.
CASANOVA
I got it.
TONY P
What about Captain Amazing?
AMAZING (O.S.)
Good question.
Casanova and Tony P look up and see Captain Amazing, posed noncalantly
on the iron catwalk, gazing down at them. Tony P jumps out of his
chair, scared. But Casanova just smiles at his ancient rival, cool as
a cucumber.
CASANOVA
I knew you'd cone. I left that skylight open
for you.
AMAZING
I know you did.
CASANOVA
I knew you'd know.
AMAZING
I know you knew I'd know.
CASANOVA
But did you know I knew you'd know I'd know?
AMAZING
Of course.
Tony P makes a move for his pistol, but Captain Amazing instantly whips
out his pistol, getting the drop on him.
AMAZING
I'd hate to waste a good bullet on a piece of
scum like you, Tony.
Tony freezes.
AMAZING
The jig is up, Casanova. I've spent six months
watching you, and know exactly what you're up
to.
CASANOVA
Really?
AMAZING
I know that you're recruiting your old
henchmen...
Nervous reaction from Tony P.
AMAZING
I know who your girlfriend really is...
Icy reaction from Anabel.
AMAZING
And I know the terrible revenge that you plan
to inflict on this city.
CASANOVA
I guess you know just about everything, don't
you, Lance?
AMAZING
Um-hmm.
CASANOVA
Except for one little thing.
AMAZING
(supremely confident)
And what's that?
CASANOVA
That I've hot wired the city's entire power
supply through that catwalk.
AMAZING
What--?
Casanova suddenly throws a secret breaker switch, and the ugly hum of a
million volts instantly fills the room...
EXT. OUTSIDE THE HOUSE - CONTINUOUS - ON FURIOUS
still watching... as all the lights in the house go out, except for a
frightening orange glow in an upper room...
Off in the distance Furious sees... the lights of the entire city
flicker and then black out... A moment later the mansion, and the
city's lights return to normal... as Furious watches, not sure what to
make of this.
EXT. STREET CONSTRUCTION SITE - DAY
Traffic is snarled. Horns are blasting. Tempers are frayed.
CLOSE ON A HAMMERING JACKHAMMER... CAMERA WIDENS TO REVEAL that it is
being operated by the Shoveler, dressed in work clothes. Wiped out
from the night before, the vibrations of the hamer are lulling him off
to sleep... He nods out... as his BOSS whacks him on the arm.
BOSS
YO! CAPTAIN SOMINEX! Get your shut-eye at
home, or you'll be a full time superhero!
EXT. THE RAJA'S HOUSE - DAY - ESTABLISHING
INT. THE RAJA'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
The Raja lies sprawled on his bed, depressed, still in his pee jays, as
he watches... an ANTHONY ROBBINS infomercial ON THE TV.
ANTHONY
It's all within your power. The only thing
that's in your way is YOU!
RAJA
Easy for you to say.
EXT. SALLY'S AUTO DEMOLITION - DAY - ESTABLISHING
An auto junkyard and demotion yard.
EXT. THE YARD - DAY
A giant press mashes an old car... while nearby Mister Furious does the
job by hand, demolishing an old Grand Prix with an iron bar. He does
it as easily as a normal guy would tear apart a corrugated box, ripping
off the doors, then tearing off the bumpers and the hood and tossing
the pieces onto a big pile... His big boned, red faced boss SALLY is
calling out to him.
SALLY
Hey, Roy!
EXT. THE BACK OF THE YARD - A MINUTE LATER
In a weedy overgrown far corner of the junkyard Sally and Furious stand
looking a big old hunk of a military vehicle. It is a Herkimer Battle
Jitney, a heavily armored, windowless, soundproof, personnel carrier
(designed by the Pentagon in the fifties to take congressmen on
battlefield fact finding tours). Overgrown with weeds, home to an
extended family of pigeons, its fighting days (if it ever had any) are
over.
SALLY
How many times I gotta tell you about this?
FURIOUS
Sally, that's a Herkimer Battle Jitney! They
don't make 'em like that anymore. It's a
classic!
SALLY
It's a hunk of junk. I want the iron. Do it!
She walks away. Furious growls. He picks up his iron bar and is about
to wedge it under the front bumper of the Herkimer...
HIS POV -
But the big old headlights and the sad old grill seem to be looking at
hint, imploring him for one last chance...
And he just can't do it. He throws away his iron bar and climbs inside
the cab of the Herkimer...
IN THE CAB - CONTINUOUS
Furious sits behind the wheel and tenderly touches its beat-up old
dashboard, then turns on the radio, which, miraculously still works.
He tunes in a local station, puts his feet up on the dash.
RADIO ANNOUNCER
...and continues to deny any knowledge of the
incident... In local news, millionaire Lance
Hunt has apparently disappeared...
ON FURIOUS, taking immediate notice.
RADIO ANNOUNCER
Members at his household told police that the
playboy philanthropist failed to return home
last night after "going out for a walk".
Police say they have no reason yet to suspect
foul play, but a search is under way...
INT. THE DINER - NIGHT
Furious, the Shoveler, and the Raja all sit at their booth.
FURIOUS
I saw him go in--and he didn't come out!
RAJA
But we don't know for sure it's the same guy.
Furious groans.
SHOVELER
Hey, look.
ON THE TV -
Casanova is being interviewed by DON STOUFFER, the local Mike Wallace.
CASANOVA
Well, Don, I've done some terrible things in my
life, but now I'm cured, and I just want to
give back something to my old home town...
That's why I'm using what's left of my fortune
to build...
CLOSE ON A MODEL of a huge concrete bunker-like institutional structure
(i.e. the Getty)
CASANOVA (O.S.)
The Frankenstein Center for the Arts.
DON
You've changed, haven't you?
CASANOVA
Oh yes.
BACK ON FURIOUS, RAJA, and SHOVELER -
FURIOUS
No he hasn't.
EXT. FRANKENSTEIN MANSION - NIGHT - ANGLE ON
the wall of the estate... as our heroes' three heads rise up over
it... and survey the grounds.
FURIOUS
(about to climb over)
Let's go.
RAJA
(in a whisper, holding him back)
Wait!... Look!
THEIR POV -
A group of men are hanging around the door to the house, smoking,
chatting, and laughing. A CLOSER ANGLE REVEALS that they are all
dressed in the height (or depths) of seventies disco fashion. One of
them is showing off some steps.
Our heroes fall back behind the safety of the wall and confer.
RAJA
This is bad.
SHOVELER
Who are they?
RAJA
The Disco Boys.
FURIOUS
The who?
RAJA
The most vicious gang of thugs this city ever
produced. Twenty years ago they were
Casanova's personal bodyguard. But after he
was busted they crawled into the woodwork.
FURIOUS
Well they've crawled back out.
SHOVELER
We may be getting in over our heads here.
RAJA
This looks like a job for Superman--
SHOVELER
Or Batman--
RAJA
Or both.
FURIOUS
Don't you guys get it? If Captain Amazing is
still in there, we can rescue him--and get on
TV!
(goes right over the wall)
They share an exasperated look, then scramble over the wall after him.
INT. CASANOVA'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Casanova and Dr. Anabel Leek are preparing for bed. Anabel sits in
front of a huge mirror, brushing her long hair as Casanova moves up
behind her and puts his hands around her throat, massaging, squeezing,
just barely resisting the temptation to strangle her. (She loves it).
CASANOVA
Everything's going exactly as we planned.
ANABEL
(puts the sharp point of her
comb handle under his chin)
Not quite. You haven't announced our
engagement yet.
CASANOVA
It must have slipped my mind.
ANABEL
Your mind is so slippery.
CASANOVA
Don't worry, Pootchkie. My womanizing days are
over. You're my Lady Macbeth, my Imelda... my
Nicole.
(pulls her into his arms)
We're such an incredible team. Who could
possibly stop us?
(kisses her)
CUT RIGHT TO:
EXT. THE LAWN - CONTINUOUS - ON OUR THREE HEROES
as they crunch their way non too stealthily across the backyard.
RAJA
Don't crunch the leaves.
SHOVELER
Sorry.
RAJA
Be a Mohican.
(bumps into a lawn chair)
FURIOUS
Wait.
(They all stop.)
I hear something.
They all listen; there is a low rushing sound... It is the sound of
water rushing through pipes. Suddenly, the lawn sprinklers all pop
up... and our heroes get drenched. They duck off the lawn, behind the
cover of a large tree.
RAJA
I'm soaked.
(sneezes)
Oh great.
FURIOUS
Shhh.
SHOVELER
Be a Mohican.
RAJA
Shut up.
Furious sees a pair of French doors, off a small patio. One of the
doors is slightiy open.
FURIOUS
Come on.
They start sneaking toward it, but as they cross the patio... they trip
the automatic security lighting, and suddenly find themselves bathed in
light.
RAJA
Uh-oh.
As our heroes look around as a dozen Disco Boys, armed with pipes,
chains, brass knuckles, step into the light and encircle them... The
French doors open and Tony P steps out.
RAJA
Oh I'm sorry. We must have the wrong house.
TONY P
You sure do.
The Disco Boys attack. The Raja is instantly clubbed down. The
Shoveler deflects only a blow or two with his shovel before he goes
down, too... These guys are not the Red Eyes.
Only Furious holds his own. He grabs a pipe away from one of them and
swings fiercely, keeping the others off. Suddenly, the Disco Boys pull
back. Furious doesn't know why, until he turns and sees...
Casanova, standing right behind him, smiling.
CASANOVA
Hi there.
With a cat-like move Casanova slashes his gold chain viciously--and
repeatedly--across Furious' face. Furious, stunned with pain, lunges
at Casanova, who neatly steps aside, then catches him with a fast
combination of spinning disco kicks. Finally he lassos the chain
around Furious' neck, and pulls it tight, strangling him.
ON THE DISCO BOYS, watching, snapping their fingers with admiration...
Casanova releases Furious, who slumps to the ground. Casanova steps
away, and the Disco Boys gather around Furious and kick him
viciously... as Casanova and Tony P watch, amused, chuckling.
CASANOVA
Superheroes.
TONY P
Should I kill them?
CASANOVA
(completely disdainful)
Why bother?
EXT. JUST OUTSIDE THE MANSION - A MOMENT LATER
The Disco Boys drag our heroes through the gate and throw them like
bags of garbage into the street... where thay lie in a moaning,
agonized, semi-conscious heap.
INT. THE DINER - LATER - CLOSE ON
Furious, rubbing his neck; a thin red mark runs around it. The three of
them are sitting at their usual table, in very bad shape, moaning and
groaning... Monica approaches. She's made them ice packs and cold
compresses.
MONICA
Here you go.
(sits with them, applies a compress
to the Raja's head)
RAJA
Ow.
MONICA
Maybe you guys ought to forget this Superhero
stuff and join Kiwanis or something.
A FUSSY CUSTOMER is calling out from another table.
FUSSY CUSTORER
Miss!
She moves off.
RAJA
Maybe she's right.
FURIOUS
(still furious)
Are you serious? This is the break we've been
waiting for!
SHOVELER
What are you talking about?
FURIOUS
What have the famous superheroes got that we
don't?
RAJA
Agents?
FURIOUS
Archenemies! Casanova isn't just a criminal--
he's a supervillain. Stopping him could be our
ticket to fame, fortune--and babes!
SHOVELER
And it would be the right thing to do.
FURIOUS
(dismissively)
Yeah yeah--and that, too.
RAJA
But there's only three of us, and he's got the
entire brotherhood of evil at his disposal.
FURIOUS
Then maybe it's time for us to form our own
brotherhood...
(more)
FURIOUS (Cont'd)
a brotherhood of righteous, crime fighting,
skull cracking, Disco Boy bashing, warriors of
the night!
SHOVELER
I'm liking this.
FURIOUS
I say we send out the word--and summon all of
the unsung superheroes we know!
RAJA
(after a moment)
Yeah, but... who do we know?
They take a long moment to ponder this.
FURIOUS
Well... there's the Spleen.
Shoveler and Raja make disgusted noises.
RAJA
Do we have to?
SHOVELER
I got this cousin. He's a real doofus, but he
claims he can become invisible.
FURIOUS
Have you ever seen him?
SHOVELER
How could I see him if he's invisible?
FURIOUS
Good point.
RAJA
And there's the Sphinx.
SHOVELER
The who?
RAJA
He's a legendary masked Mexican crime fighting
superwrestler and master of the machete.
FURIOUS
Sounds good.
RAJA
No one's sure that he actually exists, but they
say he can be contacted by leaving a message on
a crumpled up napkin at the Tacky Taco down by
the bus station.
SHOVELER
Get outta here.
EXT. TACKY TACO - DAY - ESTABLISHING
A funky Mexican restaurant by the bus station.
INT. THE RESTAURANT - CONTINUOUS
Our heroes, in normal clothing, have just finished a taco lunch.
Furious is writing a mssage on a napkin with a ballpoint pen.
FURIOUS
You sure that's how you spell it?
SHOVELER
Yeah.
CLOSE ON THE NOTE -
which reads "Spinks, we need you."
They crumple up the napkin and leave the restaurant... A moment later a
shy looking MEXICAN MAN busses their tray... but in A CLOSE ANGLE we
see him secretly pocket the napkin.
EXT. HOUSE - DAY - ESTABLISHING
A little brick house.
INT. INVISIBLE BOY'S ROOM - DAY
A teenage boy's room, decorated to the max with models and posters of
the great superheroes: Batman, Spiderman, Captain Amazing, etc.
INVISIBLE BOY, about fifteen, is being interviewed by the Raja, Mister
Furious, and the Shoveler.
FURIOUS
So, let me get this straight. You have the
power to become invisible.
INVISIBLE BOY
Yes.
RAJA
But... only when no one is looking.
INVISIBLE BOY
Yes.
FURIOUS
If someone looks at you, you immediately become
visible again.
INVISIBLE BOY
Yes.
RAJA
So you're only invisible... to yourself?
INVISIBLE BOY
No.
OUR HEROES
(hopefully)
No?
INVISIBLE BOY
If I look at myseif, I become visible.
RAJA
So you're only invisible, when abuolutely no
one is looking at you?
INVISIBLE BOY
Yes.
FURIOUS
So how do you know that you've ever been
invisible?
INVISIBLE BOY
I just know.
Our heroes are less than impressed.
FURIOUS
Look, kid, we've got a lot of heroes to
interview--
INVISIBLE BOY
(desperate)
I know I haven't got it entirely worked out
yet, but I've always dreamed of becoming a
superhero... Weren't you guys ever a kid?
Didn't you ever need someone to just give you a
chance?
ON OUR HEROES, looking around the room... and softening up.
INT. THE DINER - NIGHT
Our heroes sit at their usual table along with Invisible Boy and a
weird looking guy in a greasy, stained yellow superhero outfit. Across
his chest in falling off stick on letters it reads "THE SPLEEN", and
that's exactly who he is. Furious, the Raja, and Shoveler sit as far
away from him as possible. He is a totally noxious, hyperactive
person... and he is thrilled to be there.
SPLEEN
Boy I can't tell you how thrilled I was when
you guys called--You gonna eat that pickle?
(sucks it in)
I've always dreamed of being a member of the a
real superhero team--and to have friends--real
friends--I mean guys I could live with--sleep
with--die with--eat with...
He puts the mustard dispenser to his lips and squeezes it straight into
his mouth.
SPLEEN
I love mustard.
Furious, Raja, and the Shoveler react; they can't believe they've
actually invited this guy to join their group.
INVISIBLE BOY
So what exactly is your superpower?
SPLEEN
Well, when I was a kid I grew up on Love Canal-
-remember that?--and my brothers and I used to
go swimming in it--make Kool-Aid out of it--
stuff like that. Anyway my brothers all died,
but I lived, and I grew all these like weird
organs that have never been seen in humans
before. So now I can do things like this!
He leans over the table and lets just a little tiny drop of spittle
dribble onto the table...
CLOSE ON THE TABLE -
as the spittle burns a hole in the Formica.
SPLEEN
Cool, huh?
The Spleen inadvertently gives the tiniest little burp, and our three
heroes duck out of the way or under the table.
FURIOUS, RAJA, & SHOVELER
Watch it!... Look out!... Whoa!
The people in the next booth give a cry of revulsion, put their hands
to their mouths, and immediately leave.
SPLEEN
Sorry, sorry.
SHOVELER
Hey, why don't you just put a cork in it?
SPLEEN
I tried that once. The cork melted.
THE SAME - AFTER DINNER
Our heroes mull their situation over coffee. Monica freshens their
cups. The Spleen squirts mustard in his coffee.
SHOVELER
There's just not enough of us.
FURIOUS
But we know they're out there. Hundreds--maybe
thousands of lonely, unknown superheroes, who
desperately need a cause...
RAJA
And a social life.
SHOVELER
Yeah, but how do we get to them?
SPLEEN
Obscene phone calls?
They ignore that suggestion.
MONICA
Why don't you throw a barbecue?
(moves off to another table)
ON OUR HEROES, realizing that's it.
INT. INVISIBLE BOY'S ROOM - NIGHT - WITH MUSIC
Invisible Boy sits at the desk in his room, writing immaculate little
notes on small file cards. (He's made a whole pile of them.)
CLOSE ON THE NOTE -
which reads "Got superpowers? Want to fight evil? Then JOIN US and
let's PARTY HEARTY! Beer! Burgers! Babes!"
SERIES OF SHOTS - MUSIC CONTINUES
as our heroes post these notes all over the city, in places where
lonely superheroes night find them...
The Raja posts a note on the door of a comic book store...
The Shoveler posts a note on the bulletin board at a bowling alley...
Mr. Furious tapes the note to the cracked glass of a vandalized phone
booth...
At an abandoned drive-in movie theater... Invisible Boy walks through
the empty lot, taping a note to each of the old speaker posts...
A White Castle hamburger joint... Inside the pay toilet Spleen is
scratching something on the wall with a nail. He stops and admires his
handiwork, and we see that he has engraved the entire message on the
wall...
END MUSIC.
EXT. SHOVELER'S BACKYARD - DAY
A small, typical working class backyard. A round, aluminum above
ground pool. A Weber grill with burgers on it. Unopened packages of
hamburger rolls. An old Vic Damon record plays on a boom box. The
Spleen floats around on a rubber raft in the pool.
SPLEEN
Come on in! The water's great!
In fact, the water is turning a yellowish green... The rest of our
heroes sit around on cheap folding chairs. No superheroes have shown
up. The Shoveler, at the grill, serves burgers to his kids, who stand
in line waiting for them.
BUTCH
(heavy on the sarcasm)
Great picnic, Dad.
EDDIE JR.
Big turnout.
ROLAND
Are these guys real superheroes?
LENORE
They think so.
The kids scoff... A moment later they head back to the house with
their burgers.
ROLAND
But where's Captain Amazing?
EDDIE JR.
He wouldn't be caught dead here.
They go into the house. No one says anything. The Shoveler just
stares at the burgers on the grill. Vic Damon sings. Furious chugs his
beer; he's working himself into a really morose mood.
ON THE SPLEEN, munching on a chlorine tablet.
SPLEEN
Hey, these pool mints are delicious!
Raja looks at his watch.
RAJA
Maybe there was traffic.
FURIOUS
Who are we kidding? No one's gonna show.
We're living in a fantasy!
INVISIBLE BOY
Come on, guys--we're fighting against evil.
FURIOUS
Good or evil, what's the difference?
SHOVELER
There's a big difference.
FURIOUS
I used to believe that. Now I'm not so sure.
RAJA
Roy, remember, it is all within your power.
The only thing that's in your way... is you.
FURIOUS
Oh shut up.
Suddenly, there is a knock at the gate. Everyone immediately perks up.
INVISIBLE BOY
They're here!
A moment later they open the gate and see... HALF A DOZEN BURLY GUYS
wearing various superhero outfits.
THEIR LEADER
Hey, man, is this the superhero wingding?
RAJA
This is it. Come on in!
SUPERHEROES
All right! Party! (Etc.)
At first glance these guys seem promising... but their outfits are
decidedly improvised: weird goggles and sunglasses, shower curtain
capes, baseball caps with beer cans on them. Their leader holds a
squeegee with a long handle... Furious is suspicious.
RAJA
I am the Blue Raja, Master of Silverware.
THEIR LEADER
I am Squeegee Man, and these are my compadres,
the Invincible Dudes!
The Invincible Dudes spot the keg.
INVINCIBLE DUDES
Whoa! Brews! Party! (Etc.)
They go immediately to the keg and start filling beer cups and guzzling
them down. The Raja tries to hand out some forms.
RAJA
Would you mind filling out these forms; names,
addresses, description of superpowers, that
sort of thing.
INVINCIBLE DUDES
Sure, dude. No problem. (Etc.)
(but they just toss the forms away)
ON FURIOUS, watching, starting to get pissed off.
INVINCIBLE DUDE 1
Hey, man, like where are the babes?
INVINCIBLE DUDE 2
It said on the card there'd be babes!
RAJA
Actually we lied about the babes, but there's
plenty of burgers.
INVINCIBLE DUDES
That's false advertising!... We came all the
way from South Champion, man! We coulda gone
plinking!... We coulda gone bunqee jumping!
SQUEEGEE MAN
No babes. No peace.
INVISIBLE DUDES (chanting)
No babes--no peace! No babes--no peace! No
babes--no peace!
SQUEEGEE MAN
Let's trash the place!
INVINCIBLE DUDES
Yeah!
Furious, fed up, confronts Squeegee Man.
FURIOUS
If you're a superhero, what's your power?
SQUEEGEE MAN
I am Squeegee Man.
(holding it out threateningly)
Touch my squeegee... and you die.
The Invincible Dudes are cracking up.
FURIOUS
Can you fly?
SQUEEGEE MAN
No.
FURIOUS
Wanna bet?
EXT. JUST OUTSIDE THE YARD - CONTINUOUS
as Squeegee Man comes flying--and screaming--over the fence, landing
none too gracefully in the front yard.
A beat and his squeegee come flying out after him. Another beat and
the Invincible Dudes come running out the gate in a panic.
INVINCIBLE DUDES
Let's get out of here!... That dude's crazy!
They take off down the street, running right past a woman, carrying a
bowling ball bag and dressed in a faded, threadbare old rayon superhero
costume with a decidedly fifties flavor. She is THE BOWLER.
EXT. SHOVELER'S BACKYARD - A MOMENT LATER
Our heroes sit around the patio, dejected, miserable.
BOWLER (O.S.)
Who died?
They look up, see her standing there, and aren't quite sure what to
make of her.
RAJA
Who are you?
BOWLER
I'm the Bowler.
SHOVELER
The Bowler? I remember him from when I was a
kid. He was killed years ago.
BOWLER
I'm his daughter.
Our heroes share a look.
SHOVELER
Look, honey, being a superhero... it's a
guy thing.
BOWLER
Really?
She takes her bowling ball and spins it on the tip of her finger (like
a Harlem Globetrotter). For a long moment she just looks at them,
smiling.
ON THE OTHERS watching, almost mesmerized by the spinning ball...
Suddenly, she gives an ear splitting battle cry and starts swinging the
ball around her in wide ferocious arcs, like a cannibal with a war
club--or a twirler on meth, going so fast she almost becomes a blur...
Then, just as suddenly, she stops, aims and rolls her ball... It shoots
straight through Invisible Boy's legs...
ON A NEATLY PLACED COLLECTION OF PLASTER LAWN DWARVES -
as the ball smashes into then, pulverizing them... It goes into a
reverse spin, passes through Invisible Boy's legs again, and returns to
the Bowler who is holding its bag open for it... The ball rolls in.
BOWLER
Good ball.
ON OUR HEROES, left absolutely speechless.
BOWLER
If it could zip up its own bag, then you'd be
impressed, right?
She turns and walks out. Our heroes share an amazed look, then run
after her...
JUST OUTSIDE THE GATE - ON THE BOWLER
walking away... as Furious catches up with her.
FURIOUS
Hey... Can I buy you a beer?
BOWLER
I thought you'd never ask.
She takes his arm and they all start to walk back into the Shoveler's
backyard... but the CAMERA PANS ACROSS THE STREET to the dark place
between two houses, where a MAN WEARING A STRANGE STEEL MASK with a
frightening, impassively powerful expression stands in the deep
shadows, watching them in motionless, predatory silence. We do not
know who he is, and we cannot tell if he is good or evil.
BACK AT THE BARBECUE - A LITTLE LATER - CLOSE ON
A FADED OLD SNAPSHOT of the original "The Bowler" holding a little girl
in his arms.
BOWLER (O.S.)
He was more than just a superhero... He was my
father...
The others, touched by this, have gathered around the Bowler, who is
holding the old snapshot in her hand.
BOWLER
And then one day, he didn't come home. The
police said it was an accident. But cargo
containers don't just fall on people. He was
murdered... After that I fell apart. I dropped
out of school, became a mud wrestler, married
and divorced a jerk. When my mother died I hit
bottom... but then, when I was cleaning out her
attic, I found my father's old bowling bag and
costume, almost like he'd left them there for
me... and I knew what I had to do.
SHOVELER
So who killed him?
BOWLER
The Disco Boys.
FURIOUS
You know something? Those guys are really
starting TO PISS ME OFF!
SHOVELER
But there's still only six of us.
FURIOUS
SO WHAT?
BOWLER
That's two more than the Fantastic Four.
FURIOUS
Half a Dirty Dozen!
SPLEEN
Twice the Three Stooges!
INVISIBLE BOY
And only one short of the Magnificent Seven.
RAJA
And you can't count Horst Buckholtz anyway.
BOWLER
He was cute though.
RAJA
But they all had one thing we haven't got.
SPLEEN
Girlfriends?
RAJA
A name. All the great superhero teams have got
a fabulous name.
They all think about it for a moment. You can almost smell their
brains overheating.
BOWLER
How about... the Savage Six?
RAJA
The Inscrutable Six?
SPLEEN
The Six Pistols?
SHOVELER
The Exterminators!
INVISIBLE BOY
The Obliterators!
RAJA
The Eradicators!
BOWLER
The Emasculators!
SPLEEN
Wait--I got it!... The Spleen Team.
He gets beaned by a couple of empty soda cans.
FURIOUS
To hell with a name. Let's get to work.
MUSIC UP as Furious stands and starts out. The others stand and follow
him... as our heroes form up for their first HEROIC GROUP SHOT.
EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT
MUSIC CONTINUES as A LITTLE OLD LADY crosses the street, when suddenly
she looks up and sees a pair of headlights coming on fast. An
immaculately maintained seventies limo is heading straight for her.
INSIDE THE LIMO - CONTINUOUS
Disco Boys sit in the front. Casanova, Anabel, and Tony P sit in the
back, dressed for a night on the town...
There is a thud as the limo hits the old lady, and everyone in the car
explodes into laughter.
TONY P
Little old lady. That's a hundred points!
INSIDE/OUTSIDE THE LIMO - A FEW MINUTES LATER
as the limo drives past a billboard with an ad for "MILK" with a milk
mustached Captain Amazing looking at the camera...
TONY P
He knows your every move.
Tony P imitates a massive electrical convulsion, and the villains crack
up.
But as they pass the billboard, a pair of headlights illuminate in its
shadows, and the Shoveler's Ford Esquire pulls out and follows.
INSIDE THE ESQUIRE - CONTINUOUS
The Shoveler is driving. Mister Furious sits in the front seat next to
him, and our other heroes are packed into the back.
FURIOUS
Let's say hello.
INSIDE/OUTSIDE THE TWO CARS - CONTINUOUS
As the limo stops at a traffic light... and the Esquire pulls up
alongside it. For a moment good and evil stare each other down.
TONY P
Not these guys again!
The Disco Boys howl with laughter.
CASANOVA
Nice car.
The D Boys laugh. Furious stares at Casanova, and Casanova stares
right back at him, as cool as a snake.
FURIOUS
What did you do with Captain Amazing?
CASANOVA
Captain who?
TONY P
(spots the Bowler)
Hey, in the backseat, who are you supposed to
be, the Bowler?
BOWLER
I'm his daughter.
TONY P
His daughter? Well guess what, sweetheart?
I'm the one who squished your Daddy. And he
squished real good!
The villains laugh, and Mister Furious EXPLODES INTO RAGE. He swings
open his car door, mashing it into the limo and leaving a big dent.
TONY P
HEY!
FURIOUS
'SCUSE ME!
He starts punching the limo like it's a punching bag--putting big dents
in it.
TONY
Waste him!
Tony and the boys all reach into their coats for their pistols--but as
they yank them out, the Spleen sticks his head out of the station
wagon, puts his face right up to the open window of the limo and lets
loose with a TREMENDOUS BELCH...
As the villains choke and gag in the noxious fumes, Mister Furious goes
on a DEMOLITION RAMPAGE, working his way around the limo, punching big
dents with his fists, breaking the windows with his head, flattening
the tires by kicking them, knocking off the rear view mirror with the
back of his hand...
Then he leaps up on top of the limo...
While inside the villains gasp for air as big dents are stomped into
the roof above them...
ANGLE THROUGH THE WINDSHEILD as Furious leaps down onto the hood, and
gazes in at them.
FURIOUS
Shall I check your oil?
He plunges his hand through the metal of the hood, pulls out the car's
dip stick, and checks it.
FURIOUS
Looks fine.
He tosses the dip stick away, then leaps off JUST AS Tony P gets off a
shot, EXPLODING the windshield of the limo.
Furious lands safely on the hood of the station wagon. As the Shoveler
throws the Esquire into gear, Furious shouts...
FURIOUS
NICE CAR!
And our heroes streak off into the night... Casanova and the others
stagger out of the demolished limo, sucking in the clean air.
CASANOVA
(impressed by Furious)
That boy's got talent.
TONY P
And I'm gonna nip it in the bud.
ANGLE ON A DARKENED ALLEY -
where the man in the strange steel mask can be seen... watching.
EXT. A BAR - LATER THAT NIGHT - ESTABLISHING
A very typical, nondescript neighborhood place...
INSIDE THE BAR - CONTINUOUS
Our heroes stand at the bar, celebrating their first victory.
SHOVELER
To us!
RAJA
Whatever our name is.
They toast and drink.
THE SAME - LATER
The Spleen is passed out at a table, snoring. Shoveler and Invisible
Boy sit next to him.
SHOVELER
Even his snores smell bad.
Raja and Bowler sit at the bar, deep in it.
BOWLER
But she's your mother. You gotta tell her.
RAJA
I can't.
ON SHOVELER AND INVISIBLE BOY
INVISIBLE BOY
Dad thinks all this superhero stuff is a stupid
waste of time.
SHOVELER
But he plays golf, right?
INVISIBLE BOY
Yeah.
BACK ON RAJA AND BOWLER -
RAJA
I'm her only son, and she always had such high
hopes for me. Medicine. Law.
BOWLER
But you're a superhero.
RAJA
The cape. The turban. She wouldn't
understand.
BOWLER
I know... My girlfriends all dumped me after I
put on the mask. They thought I'd lost it.
RAJA
But in fact... you'd found it.
They clink their glasses and drink.
BACK ON SHOVELER AND INVISIBLE BOY -
SHOVELER
This is your dream... and you can't ever give
it up.
The Spleen makes weird noises in his sleep.
INVISIBLE BOY
I wonder what he dreams about?
SHOVELER
We don't want to know.
Mr. Furious sits alone in the corner, brooding, lost in his own angry
thoughts..
OUTSIDE THE BAR - CONTINUOUS
A black van drives slowly past the bar.
INSIDE THE VAN - CONTINUOUS
The van is packed with Disco Boys. Tony P sits in the front seat.
TONY P
There.
HIS POV -
He has spotted the Ford Esquire parked in the lot.
BACK IN THE BAR - A LITTLE LATER
ON THE BOWLER AND RAJA -
BOWLER
It's late. I'm headin' home.
RAJA
Me, too.
BOWLER
(to Invisible Boy)
Come on, Junior, it's a school night.
JUST OUTSIDE - A MONENT LATER
As our heroes, carrying the Spleen, leave.
FURIOUS
Anybody up for a little White Castle?
But suddenly the world is a whirling sass of chains and clubs as they
are bushwhacked by the Disco Boys...
EXT. AN ALLEY - A LITTLE LATER - CLOSE ON FURIOUS
as he comes to with a qroan and sees... the Bowler and Invisible Boy
tied up and gagged, with the Raja, Shoveler, and the Spleen trussed up
right next to them. Furious looks up, sees Tony P standing over him.
TONY P
Hi, cutie.
Furious struggles, but he has been secured with some very heavy tire
chains. Tony P takes out a large caliber revolver, flips it open to
make sure it's loaded.
TONY P
Six losers. Six bullets. Perfect... Got any
last words, Angry Boy?
FURIOUS
Disco sucks.
TONY P
Disco sucks. Very good. You know what I'm
gonna do, Angry Boy, since you're so colorful?
I'm gonna save you for last.
He turns and points the pistol right at Invisible Boy's head. Furious
struggles against his chains--to no avail.
TONY P
Sweet dreams, punk.
Invisible Boy closes his eyes... Tony P cocks the pistol... But
suddenly, there is the ring of steel--a broad blade sweeps through the
air, and Tony P's pistol is sliced neatly in half.
TONY P
(holding half a pistol)
HOLY...
The man is the strange steel mask is standing there, the drawn machete
still in his hand.
MAN IN MASK
Buenos naches.
TONY P
Get him!
The Disco Boys rush the newcomer, but he slices through their baseball
bats with his machete, and sends them reeling and crashing into each
other with expert forearm blows, whacks with the flat of his blade, and
head butts with his mask.
Furious struggles to break free and join the fight, but the chains are
too strong... and the stranger doesn't need any help.
Tony P flicks open a big switchblade and lunges at the stranger, who
sidesteps him like a matador and swings his machete at him. Tony P
turns, about to charge again.
MAN IN MASK
(Mexican accent)
Would you like me to trim the sides?
TONY P
What?
Tony P feels the top of his head, and realizes that the blow from the
machete has neatly sliced off the top his disco-do, leaving only
stubble on the top of his head.
TONY P
(freaking out)
LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!
Tony and the Disco Boys run for it...
Furious and the others study their masked savior, who stands before
them, machete in hand.
FURIOUS
You're the Sphinx.
SPHINX
And you are a fool.
He raises his machete above Furious' head... and then slices clean
through the chains.
EXT. AUTO DEMOLITION YARD - LATER THAT NIGHT
Our heroes have gathered around a scrap wood fire in a steel drum. They
sit on the ground and on old car seats, feeling like schmucks as the
Sphinx chews theu out, his mask looking very friqhtening and magical in
the flickering light.
SPHINX
You call yourselves superheroes? A rooster
fights more intelligently than you! You have
shown yourself to your enemy and revealed your
powers to him--and what have you accouplished
for this? You have destroyed his car.
Brilliant! If you want to survive you must
fight like a wolf pack--not like a six pack!
Furious sulks, but the others get the point.
SPHINX
The wolf is cunning. He knows that stealth is
his greatest weapon, and he always fights as a
team...
(more)
SPHINX (Cont'd)
(at Furious)
Not like some drunken Tejano on Saturday night.
Furious grunts.
SPHINX
Casanova Frankenstein is a a master of evil.
You will need more than shovels and dessert
forks to stop him... What else have you got?
They are silent.
FURIOUS
(angrily)
So what else has Superman got?
SHOVELER
He's got the fact that he's Superman!
BOWLER
Bullets bounce off him!
Furious sulks again, feeling that the others are turning against him.
RAJA
Firepower costs money.
INVISIBLE BOY
Anybody got any?
A silence.
SHOVELER
We didn't think this through very well.
BOWLER
(after a moment)
My father had this friend... He was an inventor...
EXT. DOC HELLER'S FARMHOUSE - DAY
Our heroes stand looking at an old farubouse. The place is an absolute
wreck. It hasn't been painted in twenty-five years. Windows are
boarded up. Half the shingles are gone. There's visible fire damage
around the kitchen window.
SHOVELER
Are you sure he's still lives here?
RAJA
Are you sure he's still alive?
BOWLER
He was the last time I saw him.
SHOVELER
When was that?
BOWLER
I was eight.
She is about to knock, but the door is suddenly yanked open, and an
eighty year old guy is standing there. He's got a wild head of white
hair (that looks like a living explosion), and he wears a stained old
lab coat with stickum mtssages to himself stuck to it, non-matching
slippers, and a pair of thick glasses with frames that have been
composited of half a dozen different old pairs all taped and welded
together into a fantastic concoction. He is DOC HELLER.
HELLER
Yes!
BOWLER
Doctor Heller?
HELLER
(doesn't recognize her)
Yes!
BOWLER
It's me... Elizabeth.
HELLER
Elizabeth! Little Elizabeth! Why you're so...
middle aged!
BOWLER
Thanks.
HELLER
How's your dad?
BOWLER
He's dead.
HELLER
Oh that's right--they squished him... Heck of
a guy.
Furious throws a look at the Shoveler and Raja. This guy's out of it.
They're wasting their time.
BOWLER
Doc, these are my friends. We're superheroes,
and we need your help.
HELLER
Well, I give to the United Way, and I feel that
sort of covers--
SPHINX
Doctor, we need your weapons.
HELLER
(ecstatic)
My weapons? You need my weapons?
EXT. BEHIND THE HOUSE - A MINUTE LATER - MOVING ANGLE
as Doctor Heller leads them all briskly across his overgrown yard
toward... the barn.
HELLER
The military establishment has never understood
me. They won't return my phone calls, much
less field test anything. But I knew that
someday I'd get my chance, and now... here you
are!
(pulls open the barn door)
INT. THE BARN - CONTINUOUS
As our heroes step into Heller's laboratory/arsenal. A stack of small
aluminum cans lines one wall. There are weird lookinq sprayers, tubes,
and strange homemade toy-like devices... but there isn't a firearm in
sight.
RAJA
But, Doc... where's the machine guns?
SHOVELER
The bazookas?
INVISIBLE BOY
The lasers?
HELLER
You don't need that junk! You see, for
thousands of years mankind has been immolating,
disemboweling, and exploding itself. Why?
Because we have this built-in screwed up need
to go to war!
(more)
HELLER (Cont'd)
So as a young man I thought, why nat have the
fun and excitement of war, without all that
unnecessary bloodshed. That's why I have
devoted my life to developing an arsenal of
highly sophisticated non-lethal military
weapons.
(points to a hand held tube)
Air cannons... Blame throwers... Feet seeking
missiles... And perhaps my ultimate
invention...
(picks up one of the small cans)
The canned tornado.
Furious groans, and the others share a look. This guy's really a nut.
HELLER
Now here's a beauty!
(picks up a purple and orange sprayer
that looks like a suped up water gun)
I call it the Shrinker! I developed it after
years of studying the worst dry cleaners I
could find. It instantly shrinks fabrics to
half their size. Anyone caught in its spray is
immediately immobilized by their own clothing!
FURIOUS
Let's get out of here.
Furious turns and goes out, and the others start to follow. But the
Bowler picks up a canned tornado.
OUTSIDE THE BARN - CONTINUOUS
as Furious walks away, the Bowler steps out of the barn.
BOWLER
Hey, Mister Bad Mood.
Furious stops, turns back.
BOWLER
(pulls the ring on the can)
Catch.
She tosses the can to him. He catches it--just as a small angry
tornado FUNNELS out of the can. It catches Furious and lifts him high
in the air... then dissipates to nothing...
A beat later Furious lands on the ground with a painful thump.
ON THE OTHERS, amazed.
Furious gets to his feet, unhurt, but really pissed off. He starts
back toward the barn, violently kicking the empty can. The others get
out of his way, as, muttering angrily to himself, he goes back into the
barn...
And emerges a moment later, toting the air cannon.
HELLER
He's got the air cannon!
The others think he's going to use it on them and scatter for cover.
but Furious steps out into the yard, looking for a suitable target...
He sees an old abandoned outhouse, puts the air cannon to his shoulder,
aims, and fires...
There is a loud WHOOOOMPH of compressed air, and the huge recoil of the
cannon instantly flings Furious back against the wall of the barn. But
the big rush of air hits the shed dead center... and BLOWS IT TO
PIECES, leaving only the old seat.
Furious gets up, dusts himself off, and moves to Doc Heller.
FURIOUS
Doc, you're a genius!
(hugs him)
HELLER
I know.
FURIOUS
(turns to the others)
Okay! We got the firepower! I say we throw it
into the car, drive over to Casanova's house,
and kick some ass!
SPHINX
No.
The others ignore Furious and listen to the Sphinx.
SPHINX
We are not yet ready. Now we must learn to
fight together... as one thing.
The others nod in agreemnt... while Furious fumes.
MONTAGE WITH MUSIC - TRAINING AT THE FARM
CLOSE ON DOC HELLER aiming his air cannon... CAMERA PULLS BACK TO
REVEAL our heroes (minus Furious) standing in a pack right behind him,
holding him down. HE fires, and the recoil jolts them all violently,
but it doesn't knock them over...
as half a dozen scarecrows are blown to pieces... Our heroes chieer and
shake their fists... while Mr. Furious sits alone on the sidelines,
drinking bourbon, and feeling very alienated.
VARIOUS SHOTS as our heroes learn to fight as a team... crawling across
the grass together....charginq in a line... hurling canned tornadoes...
while Furious sits it out, brooding, drinking, and getting very jealous
of the Sphinx.
Shoveler, Bowler, and the Sphinx stand shoulder to shoulder, as
Invisible Boy, Spleen, Raja, and the Doc throw small stones at them...
They deflect the pebbles with shovel, bowling ball, and machete...
Theyre having fun. They're becoming a team...
EXT. OUTSIDE THE BARN - EVENING
Furious drinks alone, while the rest of our heroes sit around an old
picnic table, feasting on sodas and pizza (like a football team after a
great practice.) Raja explains the history of the situation to the
Sphinx.
RAJA
Twenty years ago all the major hoodlums of this
city were united into one great brotherhood of
evil, and Casanova was their king.
SHOVELER
Crime was rampant. It wasn't safe to stay in
your home.
BOWLER
Much less go outside.
SHOVELER
Then Captain Amazing appeared.
RAJA
He busted Casanova and sent the crooks packing.
SHOVELER
And this has been a pretty nice place to live
ever since.
FURIOUS
(pissed off)
But now Casanova's back! And we're gonna sit
around here all night eating pizza and telling
stories! Hey, lets toast some marshmellows!
SPHINX
The wise snake coils before he strikes.
FURIOUS
(lunges at the Sphinx)
And a skunk stinks!
Furious and the Sphinx square off, their faces only inches apart.
SPHINX
You drink too much.
FURIOUS
When are you going to take off that mask?
SPHINX
(pointedly)
When I am sure I am among friends.
RAJA
Roy--
FURIOUS
(snapping at him)
Go dance with your mother, Jeffrey!
ON THE RAJA, hurt.
SPHINX
Your rage is a very great power, but it blinds
you to your heart.
FURIOUS
My heart died a long time ago.
SPHINX
It is not dead. It is hiding.
FURIOUS
Blow it out your bean hole, Pancho!... And to
hell with the rest of you!... Look at you.
Bunch of rejects. I didn't need you before--
and I don't need you now!
(jumps on to his motorcycle)
The great ones RIDE ALONE!
(kicks the engine started)
Adios, muchachos!
(and he rides off across the field)
ON THE OTHERS, watching him...
BOWLER
Has he always been like this?
EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - CONTINUOUS - CLOSE ON FURIOUS
the wind whipping against his face, as he rides his Harley at about a
hundred miles an hour... The languorous sound of an OLD DEAN MARTIN
SONG is heard as we...
FADE INTO:
MENORY SEQUENCE - DAY - CLOSE ON FURIOUS
as a little boy, sitting in the backseat of the family car. It is
thirty years ago, and Mister Furious is a sweet, very shy, well
behaved, perfectly normal three year old. His MOTHER and FATHER sit in
the front. Dean Martin is playing on the car radio. Little Furious
looks out the window and sees the Mohave Desert going by. A sign reads
"Las Vegas, 120 miles".
MOTHER
(to husband)
Oh this place looks great.
An old sign reads "BAR" as the family car pulls into the parking lot of
a single adobe building out in the middle of nowhere. They park.
MOTHER
Now honey, you just wait in the car. Mommy and
Daddy will be right beck.
They get out, lock the car and head for the bar, leaving the windows
up. Little Furious watches them go, never suspecting that his entire
life is about to change. He sits quietly in the backseat and plays
with the little superhero figurines that he's brought with him.
LITTLE FURIOUS
Pow! Bang! Wham!
INSIDE THE BAR - CONTINUOUS
as the parents enter. A very Western motif. An old Gene Autrey song
is playing on the juke. The air conditioning is on. They're the only
customers in the place.
MOTHER
It's nice and cool in here.
FATHER
(as they sit at the bar)
Barkeep, a couple of cold ones.
CUT BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN CAR AND BAR -
ANGLE ON THE MIDDAY SON - blazing down on the car...
as Little Furious still plays with his superheroes, but the interior is
starting to bake, and the sweat begins to pour ofr him. He looks out
at the bar. gettinq worried. He tries the windows, but they're
automatic and won't open...
Back in the bar his parents down shots of bourbon with their beers, as
the BARTENDER finishes telling them a joke.
BARTENDER
And here's a banana for your monkey.
Mom and Dad have a good laugh.
BARTENDER
Couple more?
FATHER
You bet.
ANGLE FROM OUTSIDE TUE CAR as Little Furious, sweat and tears pouring
out of him, his hair wet and sticking out (and starting to take on that
familiar look), pounds on the window.
LITTLE FURIOUS
Mommy! Daddy! Mommy! Daddy!
as back in the bar his parents, now very drunk, down more beers and
chasers as they play a spirited game of pinball.
ANGLE ON THE MOHAVE SUN - beating down mercilessly
barely able to breath, Little Furious flops back onto the seat, his
face a mask of heat and terror... But suddenly, a change begins to take
place in him, as some primordial defense mechanism kicks in... and his
fear begins to give way to rage... His teeth bare.
CLOSE ON HIS HANDS -
as they CRUSH the superhero figurines in their grasp...
While back in the bar his drunken parents dance a slow two step to Hank
Williams "Your Cheatin' Heart"...
EXT. TBE PARKING LOT - NIGHT - HANK WILLIAMS CONTINUES
as the big desert moon shines down on the family car, still parked
there.
INSIDE THE BAR - CONTINUOUS
The parents are asleep in a booth. Furious' mother wakes up, looks
around groggily, and in a moment of horror suddenly remembers...
MOTHER
OH MY GOD!
THE PARKING LOT - A BEAT LATER
as she runs toward the car, hysterical.
MOTHER
Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
She unlocks the door, throws it open, and sees something that makes her
pull back in horror... Little Furious sits in the backseat. His hair
sticks out wildly, his face has become that now familiar mask of
prisordial rage. Another OLD DEAN MARTIN SONG is heard as we...
FADE INTO:
INT. THE DINER - NIGHT - CLOSE ON FURIOUS
sitting alone in the booth, a look of profound pain and lonliness on
his face; he is still that little boy. The Dean Martin song is playing
on the juke.
MONICA (0.S.)
Hi.
He looks up and sees Monica.
FURIOUS
Hi.
MONICA
Alone tonight?
FURIOUS
Every night.
She smiles.
EXT. THE FRANKENSTEIN MANSION - CONTINUOUS
Armed Disco Boys guard the front entrance...
While on the hillside above Invisible Boy (looking through binoculars)
and the Spleen lie together on their bellies in the weeds, keeping the
mansion under surveillance.
SPLEEN
(in a whisper)
Adolescence was the worst--The other kids made
fun of me, so I'd spit on them and they'd
scatter--I've never had a girlfriend--unless
you count that night with my cousin--She
recovered fully though--We exchange cards every
Christmas--Well, I send her one, and she sends
it back...
(spritzes somathing into his mouth,
then offers it to Invisible Boy)
Bug repellent?
Suddenly, the gates of the mansion open and several sedans... followed
by a truck, drive out...
POV THROUGH BINOCULARS -
Casanova and Anabel sit in the front of the truck.
INVISIBLE BOY (0.S.)
Where are they going?
Invisible Boy hesitates for just a momnt, then gets up and runs down
the hill.
SPLEEN
(runs after him)
Kid!
As the small convoy drives past, Invisible Boy slips out from behind
some trees, runs after the truck, jumps up and sits on its rear bumper.
The Spleen comes running after him, and Invisible Boy reaches out,
grabs his hand and pulls him up alongside him. Invisible Boy tries the
rear gate. It's open. The two of them pull it up just a foot, squirm
inside, then pull it closed behind them.
INSIDE THE TRUCK - CONTINUOUS
Invisible Boy flashes the light of his key chain flashlight around the
inside of the truck. There is nothing in it, except for a large pile
of packing blankets.
EXT. WATERFRONT AREA - NIGHT
as the convoy drives through Champion City's seedy waterfront area and
out onto a long pier.
INT. THE DINER - NIGHT - CLOSE ON THE TV
Dawn Wong and Don Stouffer report the night's news.
DAWN
...still no sign of millionaire Lance Hunt, and
now, in an unrelated story, another one of
Champion City's leading citizens has apparently
disappeared. Captain Amazing has not been seen
or heard from in a week. Authorities believe
that the hard working superhero may just be
taking a well deserved rest.
DON
Cancun perhaps?
DAWN
Sounds good to me, Don.
Mr. Furious sits in the booth drinking coffee as Monica serves him his
burger and fries.
FURIOUS
(floundering)
Monica... I was wondering if--uh-maybe we--I
mean you and I--could-uh--you know--get a--I
mean have a...
MONICA
Date?
FURIOUS
Yeah.
MONICA
I get off work in fifteen minutes. Walk me
home?
FURIOUS
Sure.
MONICA
That was easy.
(goes back to work)
ON FURIOUS, feeling a whole lot better.
JUST OUTSIDE THE DINER - CONTINUOUS - UNKNOWN POV
from across the street. Furious' head is clearly visible in the
brightly illuminated window of the diner.
A Disco Boy stands in the shadows, gazing at the diner; he recognizes
Furious.
EXT. WATERFRONT - NIGHT
The convoy has pulled up alongside a rusty old freighter, docked at the
pier.
Casanova's men throw the gate of the truck open, and the CAMERA MOVES
IN. No one is there, but we notice... two large lumps under the
packing blankets.
Casanova holds Anabel in his arms as they watch a large wooden crate
being lowered from the deck of the freighter.
CASANOVA
Honey, our ship's come in.
Casanova's cellular phone rings.
OUTSIDE THE DINER - CONTINUOUS
The Disco Boy is on his phone. His pistol is drawn, and he's got it
aimed right at Furious' head.
DISCO BOY
Just give me the word.
BACK TO THE PIER - CONTINUOUS - ON CASANOVA
CASANOVA
(gets an idea)
Wait. I'll be right there.
(hangs up, starts off)
ANABEL
(peeved)
Where are you going?
CASANOVA
Head hunting.
A minute later Casanova and two or three Disco Boys drive off in one of
the sedans... as the crate is loaded onto the truck, and the gate is
pulled closed... and locked.
INSIDE THE TRUCK - A MOMENT LATER
The engine starts up, and the truck starts to move, as Invisible Soy
and the Spleen poke their heads out from under the packing blankets...
They approach the crate and Invisible Boy shines his flashlight on it.
The crate is secured with rivets and thick metal bands; there's no way
they're going to be able to get inside it, but in the light of the
flashlight they see...
Faded red lettering, in Russian, and the distinctive old hammer and
sickle of the former Soviet Union.
EXT. DIMLY LIT STREET - NIGHT
Furious walks Monica home.
MONICA
I admire you.
FURIOUS
Why?
MONICA
Being a superhero, wanting to save the world.
It's so... unselfish.
FURIOUS
It is?
MONICA
Most people just want to make money or be
famous or something. But you risk everything,
just to help people.
FURIOUS
(after a moment)
I wouldn't mind being famous.
MONICA
Who wouldn't?
In the shadows behind them... Casanova follows, stalking them, as
silent as a vampire.
MONICA
I've never been able to figure out what to do
with my life, which is why I guess I'm still a
waitress.
FURIOUS
Nothing wrong with being a waitress.
MONICA
What's your real name?
FURIOUS
Roy.
MONICA
Have you always lived here?
He nods.
MONICA
Me too... I love this stupid old town. It's
noisy. It's smelly. It's falling apart.
FURIOUS
It's home.
MONICA
Yeah.
CASANOVA'S POV
Monica, smiling, looking lovely.
CLOSE 0N CASANOVA; he wants her...
BACK ON FURIOUS AND MONICA -
MONICA
I've thought of leaving, going to Chicago or
New York, but...
FURIOUS
What have they got that we ain't got?
MONICA
Champion's going to bounce back, and I want to
be here when it does.
FURIOUS
Me, too.
MONICA
You don't seem very angry right now.
He shrugs. And they kiss, very tenderly.
MONICA
You know what? Underneath all that anger I
think there's just a little boy who wants
everyone to love him.
FURIOUS
I just want to be a superhero.
MONICA
That's what I mean... 'Night, Roy.
She turns and climbs the stairs of an old apartmnt building and goes
inside, as Furious watches, feeling emotions hees not used to. He
really likes her. He starts walking back down the street, past a man
sitting on the stoop. The man looks up. It's Casanova Frankenstein.
CASANOVA
Going my way?
Furious is caught completely by surprise--he takes a stand, ready to
fight.
CASANOVA
Take it easy--take it easy. I just want to
have a little chat... That was quite a number
you did on my car. You've got a lot of
violence in you... and I like that in a guy.
Furious, silent.
CASANOVA
You know what the difference is between good
and evil, Roy?
Furious reacts to the fact that Casanova knows his real name.
CASANOVA
Evil is more fun. When you want something, you
just take it, and if somebody gets in your way,
you kill them... You seem like a very
frustrated guy, Roy. Unhappy. Unfulfilled.
What is it that you've always wanted, always
desired? Because whatever it is, I can give it
to you... Fame?
(snaps his fingers)
Easy. Fortune? Even easier. Women?
(laughs)
The easiest of all.
CLOSE ON FURIOUS as, out of the corner of his eye, he catches movement
in the alley across the street... he knows what it is.
CASANOVA
I'll let you in on a little secret, Roy. In
two days this entire city will belong to me,
and there's not a damn thing your little pals
can do about it. It's the perfect time to
switch teams... So what do you say?
FURIOUS
(quietly)
You're nuts.
CASANOVA
(flairs)
They always call the great ones nuts.
FURIOUS
And the nuts always call themselves great.
CASANOVA
(his psychosis showing)
Are you with me... or against me?
FURIOUS
Against.
CASANOVA
Too bad. PLUG HIM!
Gunfire rings out from the alley as the Disco Bays step out, their
pistols blazing. But Furious has anticipated them. He leaps right at
Casanova, pins his arms in a bear hug and holds him in the line of
fire.
CASANOVA
WAIT!
The Disco BQys stop firing... Furious drags Casanova back into an empty
lot, using him as a shield.
FURIOUS
(to Casanova)
Thanks for reminding me which team I'm on.
CASANOVA
You're dead.
FURIOUS
So are you!
Furious releases Casanova, then runs for it and leaps over the wooden
wall at the end of the lot... as the Disco Boys open fire again, and
their bullets punch holes through the wall...
Furious runs down a back street and escapes into the night.
EXT. THE FRANKENSTEIN CENTER - CONTINUOUS
The convoy drives up the hill toward an ominous looking structure (that
we recognize from the model on the TV interview with Casanova earlier.)
A high central tower rises up out of the half completed bulwarks of
featureless concrete. It looks both totally modern and completely
ancient, but a profound sense of evil connects both themes beautifully.
ANGLE ON a plaque that reads... "Frankenstein Center for the
Performing and Non-performing Arts".
The gates of the center open, and the convoy passes through.
INSIDE THE TRUCK - A NONENT LATER
Invisible Boy and the Spleen stand listening, waiting, as they feel the
truck pull to a stop...
A moment later the gate is pulled opened... Anabel is there with
several thuggy looking SECURITY GUARDS.
ANABEL
Be careful with my baby.
There are two lumps under the packing blankets again.
EXT. LOADING DOCK - A FEW MINUTES LATER
The crate is being carried away by a forklift... A beat, and then
Invisible Boy and the Spleen slip out of the empty truck...
And run down the road back toward the gates... which are still open.
They're just about to pass safely through them, when a PAIR OF ARMED
SECURITY GUARDS, step in their path, their guns pointed at thern.
GUARD 1
Freeze!
GUARD 2
Hands up!
They freeze, their hands held high.
GUARD 2
What are you two doing here?
Our heroes are mute.
GUARD 1
Not talking, eh? That can be fixed. Turn
around, start walking up the hill--
GUARD 2
And no funny business.
Invisible Boy and the Spleen turn, hands in the air, and start up the
hill, the guards right behind them.
SPLEEN
(after a moment, to Invisible
Boy, in a whisper)
Pinch 'em.
Invisible Boy pinches his nostrils--and the Spleen lets out with a
horrendous fart. The guards gag and choke violently in the fumes as
our heroes turn and run for it... escaping out the gates.
INT. DOC KELLER'S LABORATORY/BARN - A LITTLE LATER
Invisible Boy and Spleen report to the others.
INVISIBLE BOY
Whatever was in that crate... is from Russia.
The others consider this, then hear a familiar voice.
FURIOUS (0.S.)
Is there room in the pack for one more wolf?
They look up and see that Furious has just returned... The Sphinx moves
to him. For a moment they stand face to face...
FURIOUS
I was wrong... I need my friends.
Sphinx takes off his mask, revealing that he is the busboy from the
Tacky Taco.
SPHINX
Amigo.
They embrace.
A few mimutes later. The others are gathered around Furious, listening
to his story.
FURIOUS
Casanova said that in two days the entire city
would belong to him... and there wasn't a thing
that we could do about it.
BOWLER
What did he mean?
FURIOUS
I dunno.
Through the window the moon is seen rising over the hillside, the
Frankenstein Center silhouetted ominously against it. Raja, Shoveler,
and Furious gaze at it.
SHOVELER
Maybe it's time we checked that place out.
RAJA
But how do we get in?
FURIOUS
(after a moment, sounding very Sphinx-like)
We just become like the wolf... who wears the
sheep's clothing.
MONTAGE WITH MUSIC - THE NEXT DAY
CLASSIC DISCO ("Stayin' Alive" if we can get the rights)
Furious, Raja, and Shoveler (in street clothes) walk down the street
together and step into the doorway of... the Salvation Army Thrift
Shop...
Later. CLOSE ON three pairs of legs, wearing polyester pants and
vintage shoes (ala the classic shot from "Saturday Night Fever")...
CAMERA WIDENS TO REVEAL our three heroes, dressed in full blown
seventies attire (with vintage sunglasses), doing their best Travolta
strut down the street...
MUSIC CONTINUES as our heroes strut their way through the gates of the
art center, right past the security guards...
OUTSIDE THE CENTER - DAY
They climb the long stairs toward the center, which looms above them...
then pass through the big wooden doors and into...
INT. MAIN HALL - A MOMENT LATER
END MUSIC as our heroes move through a vast, but empty main hall... A
small army of heavily armed security guards marches about.
RAJA
So where's the art?
FURIOUS
He hasn't stolen it yet.
SHOVELER
This place is built like a fortress.
FURIOUS
Because thats what it is.
They hear a WILD BURST OF DRUNKEN LAUGHTER echoing through the hall.
RAJA
What's that?
FURIOUS
(following the sound)
Come on.
They approach a doorway. The noise is coming from within.
INT. BANQUET IIALL - A MOMENT LATER
as our heroes step inside and see... A big luncheon is in progress.
Casanova, Anabel, and Tony P sit at the head table. The room is lined
with banquet tables, which are filled with VICIOUS LOOKING CHARACTERS,
drunk, eating, laughing, and giving the waitresses a very rough tim..
RAJA
(stunned)
Oh my God... Every crook in the city is here.
ON A GROUP OF VICIOUS LOOKING BALD BIKER TYPES...
RAJA (O.S.)
The Bone Heads from the South Side...
ON THREE INSIPIDLY EVIL LOOKING GUYS in hip suits...
RAJA (O.S.)
The Bland Boys from Downtown...
ON A DARK HAIRED WHITE GUY dressed as a rapper...
RAJA (O.S.)
Italian Ice...
ON A GUY with a frightening assortment of metal things piercing his
face...
RAJA (O.S.)
The Stapler...
ON TWO THUGS DRESSED AS ELVIS...
RAJA (0.S.)
The Elvis Brothers.
A more degenerate group of criminals never sat down to lunch. Furious
recognizes one of the waitresses... It's Monica.
Casanova's got his eye on her, too, and he remembers her from the night
before on the street with Furious.
ON ANABEL, noticing his interest.
Our heroes see Monica walking straight toward them. They turn away,
lean against a wail, trying to be totally inconspicuous...
But as she passes them, not noticing them... Casanova approaches her.
CASANOVA
Excuse me.
She stops, turns to him, while our heroes listen in, only a few feet
away...
CASANOVA
(reading her name tag)
Monica... Beautiful name. It suits you.
CLOSE ON FURIOUS, getting jealous.
CASANOVA
I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but I
couldn't help but notice... that you're a dead
ringer for Veronica Lake in "The Blue Dahlia".
MONICA
Really?
Furious growls. Raja gives him an elbow.
CASANOVA
Are you an actress?
MONICA
Just a waitress.
CASANOVA
You underestimate yourself.
Mister Furious is fuming. The strands of his perfectly coiffed disco-
do start to stand straight up.
CASANOVA
You know I'm writing a play--it's just a little
Broadway thing, but thure's a part in it that I
think you'd be perfect for.
MONICA
Really?
CASANOVA
I'd love to hear you read it. Could you stick
around after the luncheon?
MONICA
Sure--I guess.
CASANOVA
Terrific.
She turns and walks into the kitchen.
CLOSE ON CASANOVA, watching her; his intentions are sinister... He
turns and sees... our heroes, hanging by the wall.
CASANOVA
What are you three doing here? This is invited
guests only. Out.
Our heroes skulk out.
JUST OUTSIDE THE BANQUET HALL - CONTINUOUS
as our heroes step out and breathe a sigh of relief.
RAJA
That was too close.
SHOVELER
But we gotta find out what's going on in there.
FURIOUS
Hey.
Furious has spotted... a large covered dessert table, waiting to be
wheeled into the hall.
BACK IN THE BANQUET HALL - A FEW MINUTES LATER
as the dessert table is wheeled in... and in a CLOSER ANGLE, under the
table cloth, we see three pairs of disco shoes creeping along...
A few minutes later, Monica steps up to the dessert table... Suddenly,
she is yanked under.
UNDER THE TABLE - CONTINUOUS
Monica struggles, tries to cry out, but a hand is clamped firmly over
her mouth.
FURIOUS
It's me.
She calms down, and he takes his hand off her mouth.
MONICA
What are you guys doing here?
RAJA & SHOVELER
Shhhh!
The waitresses leave; the big doors to the dining room are swung
closed, and the cigars are lit. The meeting has begun. Casanova takes
the podium.
CASANOVA
Thank you all for coming. I hope you enjoy the
cigars. I had to kill a dozen Cubans to get
them.
Tony P chuckles loudly, but the joke goes over like a lead balloon with
the rest of the crowd.
CASANOVA
Twenty years ago, this town was yours! AND I
WAS YOUR KING!
ON THE HOODS, listening, bored, puffing on their cigars; this is a sad
old story.
CASANOVA
(tragically)
But they called me a psycho, and they put me
away. For twenty years I rotted in my cell,
painting watercolors, writing haikus--just
waiting for the day I could take my revenge.
Well, brothers, that day has come!
ON OUR HEROES under the table, listening. Monica begins to realize
what's going on.
BACK TO CASANOVA -
CASANOVA
They thought I was crazy? Well the joke's on
them--because tonight at precisely midnight--on
the twentieth anniversary of my tragic arrest--
every man, woman, and child in this city is
going to turn into a RAVING PSYCSOTIC! Mothers
will murder their tots! Old ladies will
strangle their cats! Children will bump off
their babysitters!
The guests think Casanova's completely lost it. Italian Ice speaks up.
ITALIAN ICE
You're outta your mind!
CASANOVA
I beg your pardon?
ITALIAN ICE
Nobody could drive a whole city crazy.
CASANOVA
Tell you what, Ice. I'll mke you a friendly
little wager. It I can't do it... you can blow
my brains out. If I can, I'll blow out yours.
Now the hoods' interest has been perked.
ITALIAN ICE
Done.
CASANOVA
(to Anabel, with a smile)
Honey, give the boys a taste.
Anabel puts on a pair of heavy duty sound deadening ear protectors,
then presses a button on a small remote control device.
ANGLE ON A SPEAKER, placed above the podium... as the air is suddenly
filled with a weird, stridulating, HORRIFIC NOISE (somewhere between
the sound of a fire siren and a hornet trapped in your ear) and
everyone in the room (except Anabel) goes COMPLETELY BERSERK...
CAMERA PANS the tables as the guests laugh dementedly, punching,
gouging, strangling, and stabbing each other...
Under the serving table our heroes go crazy...
Casanova, in a state of psychotic ecstasy, whips out his pistol and
empties it into Italian Ice... who drops to the floor, dead.
Anabel presses the button again; the sound winds down and stops, and
everything returns to normal. The entire event lasted only a few
seconds, but the guests are dazzled.
CROOKS
That was great!... What the hell was that?...
How did you do that?
Casanova throws Anabel a kiss.
CASANOVA
Tonight, at midnight, that sound will be
amplified across this entire city. Murder and
mayhem will reign supreme! And Champion City
will be ours again! This will be our castle!
And I will be our king! And there's no one to
stop us!
Suddenly, a familiar voice is heard.
AMAZING (O.S.)
Not so fast, Casanova!
A pair of curtains suddenly part... and Captain Amazing (looking a bit
singed) is standing there in classic superhero pose.
CAMERA PANS the crooks, as their criminal ecstasy turns instantly to
terror. They yank out their pistols, dive for cover under the table,
throw up their hands in surrender, etc... But Casanova just grins.
CASANOVA
Don't worry, fellas...
(moves to Captain Amazing, and
puts his arm chummily around him)
I killed him... and I've had him stuffed.
Casaova reaches behind Captain Amazing's back and pulls a string (like
the ones they used to have on those old talking dolls).
AMAZING
(in a canned voice)
Isn't my butt cute in these tights?
(pulls again)
Blue is my color.
(pulls again)
Oh, my abs are killing me!
The crooks are beside themselves with laughter.
ON OUR HEROES, under the table, stunned.
ON THE ELVIS BROTHERS -
ELVIS BROTHER I
The King is back!
ELVIS BROTHER 2
Long live the King!
The crooks fire their pistols exuberantly into the air, as disco music
fills the air and Casanova dances, basking in their adoration...
And our heroes slip out from under the table and make good their
escape...
INT. DOC HELLER'S BARN/LAB - LATER
Our heroes and Monica pow-wow, sobered by what they have seen.
MONICA
What could have made such a horrible noise?
HELLER
(after a moment, gravely)
He's got the Psychostridulator.
ALL
The what?
HELLER
Ten years ago the Kremlin's top secret
Psychiatric Warfare Division developed a
prototype for a weapon that emitted a
fluctuating alternative frequency noise that
produced a violent psychotic reaction in any
mammal within hearing distance. But when the
old Soviet Union fell the stridulator and its
brilliant inventor, Doctor Kopov, disappeared.
SHOVELER
This Kopov, what happened to him?
HELLER
Not him... her.
They react to that piece of news, and then the Bowler opens up the
newspaper.
BOWLER
Did she look like that?
CLOSE ON A PHOTO of Anabel and Casanova, announcing their wedding
engagement.
HELLER
Yes.
Silence; this is bad.
SPLEEN
(hopefully)
Maybe it won't work.
FURIOUS
It works.
HELLER
A village in Siberia was wiped out when a
cleaning woman switched it on by mistake.
Another grim silence, as they realize how desperate the situation is.
For the first time, they're really scared.
MONICA
We've got to warn the city.
SHOVELER
How?
RAJA
No one will believe us.
BOWLER
They'll think we're just a bunch of weirdoes.
CAMERA CUTS BETWEEN THEM as they look at each other--their frightened
faces, their sad, faded costuznes. Even the Sphinx looks scared.
FURIOUS
(after a moment, grimly)
We know what we gotta do.
They look at him.
RAJA
We're outnumbered twenty to one.
SHOVELER
It's suicide.
FURIOUS
Maybe. But this isn't about living or dying.
It's about good versus evil, and we're good,
whether we like it or not... Maybe we look a
little funny...
ON THE SPLEEN...
FURIOUS
And smell a little funny. We're not
bulletproof and we can't fly. But we're
superheroes--and that means doing what's right-
-even when it's impossible... This is our city-
-these are our friends, our famlies--and if we
don't save them, nobody will! So I say we take
a ride up that hill, blast our way in there,
destroy that Psycho-whatchamabob-- and teach
those deviants a lesson they'll never forget!
SPHINX
Now you're talking.
BOWLER
Sounds good to me.
RAJA
Let's do it.
SHOVELER
And we'll take a bunch of 'em with us!
They're all with him. Monica steps forward.
MONICA
I just want you guys to know--I may not be a
superhero, but I'm with you--and I want to
help!
ALL
Oh that's great... Thanks, Monica... (Etc.)
BOWLER
We could really use some coffee--
SHOVELER
And some sandwiches--
SPLEEN
With mustard!
MONICA
(her feelings a little hurt)
Sure.
A few minutes later, Monica serves sandwiches and coffee as our heroes
plan...
RAJA
But that place is huge and we don't know where
this psycho thing is--
BOWLER
Or even what it looks like.
HELLER
And he must have it well hidden.
FURIOUS
We'll just have to get lucky.
ON MONICA as she gets an idea. A moment later she slips a canned
tornado into her purse... as the others put their arms around each
other in a group huddle\embrace.
FURIOUS
Go do what you gotta do. We'll meet back here
at sunset... Do or die.
ALL
Do or die.
SPHINX
Victoria o morte.
HEROIC MUSIC as...
EXT. AUTO DEMOLITION YARD - DAY - CLOSE ANGLE ON
THE FRONT GRILL of the Herkimer Battle Jitney... as Mister Furious
hooks it up to the "Sally's Auto Demolition" tow truck... A moment
later he drives the tow truck, towing the off the lot, as Sally steps
out of her office, pissed off...
SALLY
HEY!
EXT. HELLER'S FARM - DAY
ON THE SPHINX, standing as immobile and silent as a statue... as a
falling leaf slowly flutters down in front of him... In a flash, his
machete slices through the air, and the leaf continues fluttering down,
but in two pieces...
INT. LABORATORY/BARN - DAY
Doc Heller fine tunes his Shrinker spray... as the Bowler sits quietly
in the hayloft, studying the old dog eared photo of her father and
herself as a little girl...
INT. INVISIBLE BOY'S ROOM - DAY
Invisible Boy stands in front of his mirror, eyes closed, concentrating
for all he's worth, trying to become invisible... He suddenly pops
opens his eyes and looks at himuself in the mirror... but he's still
completely visible. He flops onto his bed in frustration.
INT. THE DINER - DAY
CLOSE ON A TABLE full of food... Eggplant Parmesan, broccoli, chili...
CAKERA PULLS BACK TO REVEAL the Spleen sitting alone in the booth,
stuffing his face, gassing up for battle.
INT. THE SHOVELER'S HOUSE - DAY
The Shoveler, standing in his bedroom, has just put on his freshly
laundered suit. CAMERA OPENS WIDE TO REVEAL Lucille, his wife,
standing there, holding his just polished shovel. He takes it from her,
then takes her in his arms.
SHOVELER
Baby, if I don't make it... find yourself... a
normal guy.
LUCILLE
I don't want a normal guy.
And they kiss.
A few minutes later... In the living room the Shoveler's kids lie
sprawled in front of the television. The Shoveler, in battle array,
steps into the room. Be wants to say something to them, but the kids
don't even take their eyes off the TV look at him... He turns and walks
out in silence.
END MUSIC...
INT. THE RAJA'S DINING ROOM - DAY
The shades are drawn. The Raja, in full costume, quietly loads
silverware into the secret pockets of his cape. Suddenly, the light
switches on... It's his mother. She's caught him red handed.
MOTHER
Jeffrey, YOU THIEF!
RAJA
Mother... it's not what you think!
MOTHER
And why are you wearing that silly costume?
RAJA
(painfully)
Because... I'M A SUPERHERO!
ON HIS MOTHER, shocked.
RAJA
Oh, Mother, I'm sorry. I know how much you
wanted me to be a doctor or a lawyer with a
family--but it's just not who I am!
MOTHER
But... the silverware?
RAJA
I use it... to fight evil.
MOTHER
(after a moment)
Jeffrey... this is wonderful.
RAJA
(stunned)
It is?
MOTHER
I always knew that you were special.
RAJA
You did?
MOTHER
Ever since you were a little boy...
(gets an idea, excited)
Come with me.
INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - A MOMENT LATER
She pulls down the stairway to the attic...
INT. THE ATTIC - A MOMENT LATER
She switches on the light and leads the Raja to a far corner... where
she moves a couple of old hat boxes, REVEALING an ancient leather bound
box with the word "Excalibur" engraved in gold on the top.
MOTHER
This is for you.
The Raja opens the box and registers astonisha~nt as he sees...
A FABULOUS VICTORIAN SILVER SET packed with formidable looking servers,
cake knives, ice cream forks.
MOTHER
Your Great Great Grandmother's wedding silver.
The Raja lifts up and handles a large heavily engraved pie server.
RAJA
Bitchin'.
EXT. OUTSIDE HELLER'S BARN/LAB - EVENING - CLOSE ON
Mister Furious, wrench in hand, covered with grease and oil, cussing to
himself as he works under the hood of the Herkimer.
FURIOUS
Try it again!
Invisible Boy, sitting behind the wheel, tries the ignition of the
Herkimer, and the old engine grinds as it turns over, but doesn't
catch.
FURIOUS
Come on, baby... Come on, baby... I SAID COME
ON!
Mister Furious SLUGS the engine with his fist, and it sputters and
backfires into life... shaking, rattling, leaking, exploding, but
running... Furious kisses the Herkimer... as the Bowler calls out to
him from the barn.
BOWLER
Mon Capitan, it's for you.
(tosses him the phone)
FURIOUS
Hello?
EXT. UNKNOWN LOCATION - EVENING - CLOSE ON MONICA
MONICA
(on a phone, speaking very softly)
It's me.
BACK TO FURIOUS - CONTINUOUS
FURIOUS
Monica, where are you?
BACK TO MONICA - WIDER ANGLE
REVEALING that she is on a pay phone just outside the art center.
She's wearing make-up and a sexy little dress; she looks she's dressed
for a date. Disco Boys and security guards go about their business all
around her.
MONICA
At the Frankenstein Center.
CUT BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN THEM -
FURIOUS
Are you nuts? Get out of there!
MONICA
I'm going inside.
FURIOUS
What are you talking about?
MONICA
Listen, Casanova may be a supervillain, but
he's got a weakness, and I'm it. Maybe--just
maybe--I can trick him into showing me the
location of the whatchamathing.
FURIOUS
He's a psycho! He'll kill you!
MONICA
Just shut up and listen. Hold off the attack
as long as you can. If I can discover the
location I'll call you--
FURIOUS
And what if you get killed?
MONICA
Then at least I will have died trying, right?
Furious silent, taken aback by her courage.
MONICA
Roy... We might never see each other again, so
I'd better tell you now... I think you're
wonderful.
FURIOUS
(caught completely off guard)
What?
MONICA
Bye.
(and she hangs up)
FURIOUS
Monica!
INT. LOBBY OF THE FRANKENSTEIN CENTER - CONTINUOUS
as Monica approaches a GUARD standing by the main door.
MONICA
Could you tell Mr. Frankenstein that Monica is
here?
GUARD
Sure, doll.
BACK TO THE BARN - CONTINUOUS
Furious stands by the Herkimer, phone still in hand. He seems
speechless, dazed. Something inside him has changed.
BOWLER
(worried about him)
Hey... you okay?
FURIOUS
Sure.
BACK TO THE FRANKENSTEIN CENTER - A FEW MINUTES LATER
Casanova steps out and sees... Monica, looking very sexy.
MONICA
Hi.
CASANOVA
I thought you'd chickened out on me.
MONICA
Just wanted to... powder my nose.
His eyes roam all over her; he knows she's up to something, but she
looks yummy, and this is just the sort of cat and mouse game he loves.
MONICA
How 'bout giving me "the tour"?
CASANOVA
Why not?
EXT. COURTYARD - A FEW MINUTES LATER
as Casanova leads Monica across an open courtyard toward... the sheer
walls of the imposing central tower.
CASANOVA
Big, isn't it?
He leads her to a massive archway, the only apparent entrance to the
tower. But just as she is about to pass through, Monica looks up and
sees something that makes her pull back with fear...
HER POV -
A very sinister looking SECURITY EYE gazes down at her from the top of
the archway.
CASANOVA
Don't worry. It's not activated.
They pass through and into...
INT. ROOM IN THE BASE OF TOWER - CONTINUOUS
which is filled with IMMENSE BRONZE SCULPTURES of voluptuous, scantily
clad females in various poses of bondage. Monica reacts; these things
are scary.
MONICA
Who's the artist?
CASANOVA
Me.
EXT. THE BARN/LAB - NIGHT
The Bowler, Spleen, Invisible Boy, and Doc Heller load up the Herkimer
with Heller's weaponry...
as Mister Furious lies sprawled on the hillside... breathing in the
night air, contemplating a dandelion gone to seed, and listening to the
sounds of the night. The Raja, Shoveler, and Sphinx, stand nearby,
watching, trying to figure out what's wrong with him. A whippoorwill
is heard singing.
FURIOUS
Listen. He's lonely... and he doesn't care who
knows it.
Raja and Shoveler share a bewildered look. The bird sings again.
FURIOUS
We're all the same really. Our songs, our
dreams, our seeds are all just a brave attempt
to live forever.
(blows the dandelion seeds into the wind)
SPHINX
He is in love. His anger is gone.
RAJA
Oh no.
SHOVELER
Great timing!
FURIOUS
Has Monica called?
INT. TOP OF THE FRANKENSTEIN TOWER - CONTINUOUS
Casanova leads Monica into... a palatial room, filled with priceless
objects d'art, all of which reflect Casanova's dark psyche. A Munch
painting. Mayan idols. Weird German furniture. A huge glass
chandelier hovers over the room. A massive bronze sculpture of a wolf
(done in the same style as the other sculptures) is perched in the
balcony. It seems to be howling out over the city which is seen in a
spectacular view, spread out alonq the lakeshore below.
CASANOVA
This is where I come to... be alone.
He turns down the lights and quietly closes and locks the big door to
the room.
CLOSE ON MONICA, sensing her danger.
MONICA
Oh, look at that view.
She moves out onto the balcony... as Casanova slips the gold chain from
around his neck and follows her.
INT. BARN/LAB - CONTINUOUS
Our heroes have gathered around Furious, who sits in a chair, getting
the third degree.
HELLER
Snap out of it!
BOWLER
Get on to yourself!
SHOVELER
(shouting right in his face)
GET MAD!
FURIOUS
But I just don't feel it.
RAJA
He's turned into a completely normal person!
FURIOUS
Normal. What's normal? Does normal exist?
And if it did, how would we know it?
The Shoveler slugs him, sending him sprawling.
FURIOUS
You know, Eddie, that was really uncalled for.
EXT. BALCONY ON FRANKENSTEIN TOWER - ON MONICA
gazing out onto the city, as she senses Casanova slinking up behind
her.
MONICA
I'm chilly.
She turns, elegantly avoiding him, and moving back inside.
BACK TO THE BARN/LAB - CONTINUOUS
Spleen holds up Furious' favorite sunglasses.
SPLEEN
Look! Your favorite sunglasses!
(snaps them in two)
BOWLER
Your Roy Rogers coffee mug!
(hurls it against the wall)
SHOVELER
Your Spiderman Pez dispenser!
(breaks the head off it)
FURIOUS
Okay, you win. I'm pissed off. I'm seriously
peeved.
The others groan with frustration.
BACK AT THE FRANKENSTEIN TOWER - CONTINUOUS
Monica moves nervously around the room as Casanova sprawls languorously
on the bed, toying with his gold chain.
CASANOVA
Come here.
MONICA
I'm not that kind of girl.
CASANOVA
Then why are you here?
MONICA
Curiosity.
CASANOVA
(with a smile)
Remember the cat.
Suddenly, he hears high heels in the hall. A key is put in the lock--
Casanova leaps off the bed, grabs Monica and roughly shoves her into
the closet. He leaps back onto the bed, just as the door opens, and
Anabel, dressed in a lab coat (and wearing high heels) enters.
Casanova is completely relaxed, nonchalant.
ANABEL
What are you doing all alone in the dark?
CASANOVA
Fantasizing... about you.
She crosses the room to the wolf sculpture.
CASANOVA
I thought you were done?
ANABEL
One last tweak.
She opens a secret panel on its back, REVEALNG a FLASHING HIGH TECH
INTERIOR... and Monica, watching from the closet, realizes that she has
found the Psychostridulator.
BACK TO THE BARN/LAB - CONTINUOUS - CLOSE ON
a boom box... A CD jacket tells us that "Kenny G." is playing...
RAJA
If this doesn't do it, nothing will!
ON FURIOUS, a pair of headphones on his head. The music is so loud
that we can hear it even though it's being played only through the
headphones.
ON THE OTHERS, gathered around him, waiting to see if this will work.
And then Furious begins to respond... as his face turns into a
contorted grimace.
BOWLER
It's working!
Furious groans and writhes... The others are thrilled; they've done it!
FURIOUS
This music is just SO BEAUTIFUL!
He starts to weep. The others give a collective groan of defeat.
BACK AT THE FRANKENSTEIN TOWER - COHTINUOUS
as Anabel works on the Psychostridulator, Monica looks at a clock...
which reads almost eleven. Time is running out.
BACK TO THE BARN/LAB - CLOSE ON SHOVELER'S WRISTWATCH
which also reads eleven.
0N SHOVELER AND RAJA -
SHOVELER
It's time.
RAJA
With or without him, we gotta go!
BACK TO THE FRANKENSTEIN TOWER -
as Anabel closes up the wolf... and starts to leave.
ANABEL
Our guests are waiting.
CASANOVA
I'll be down in a jiffy.
She goes out. Casanova listens as the sound of high heels fades away,
then he goes to the closet and lets Monica out.
MONICA
I'd better go.
CASANOVA
You're a spy.
MONICA
(offguard)
What?
CASANOVA
I saw him walk you home.
MONICA
Who?
CASANOVA
Roy.
She makes a sudden try for the door, but he blocks her way, a cold look
in his eye that makes her step back in fear.
CASANOVA
Don't be afraid... I never hit a lady...
He lets the gold chain drop loose in his hand, then starts coming for
her, a sadistic grin on his face. This is the real Casanova.
Monica pulls back, then reaches into her purse and takes out A CANNED
TORNADO, which she holds out threateningly.
MONICA
Stay away!
CASANOVA
Or you'll what? CAN ME?
He laughs dementedly as Monica pops open the can and A SWIRLING FUNNEL
OF AIR SHOOTS OUT OF IT and ENGULFS Casanova, throwing him across the
room... Monica grabs the handset of a cordless phone and runs out the
door.
ON CASANOVA, pulling himself together.
CASANOVA
That bitch!
INT. CORRIDOR JUST OUTSIDE - CONTINUOUS
as Monica runs for it, dialing the phone on the fly...
INT. TEE BARN/LAB - CONTINUOUS - ON THE PUONE
ringing... but no one is there...
EXT. THE BARN/LAB - CONTINUOUS
Our heroes are climbing into the Herkimar, whose noisy idling engine
obliterates the ringing of the phone.
FURIOUS
But she still might call!
SHOVELER
Are you coming or not?
FURIOUS
I'll drive.
SHOVELER
Not a chance!
He shoves him in the back, closing the heavy steel door behind him.
BACK TO THE FRANKENSTEIN TOWER - CONTINUOUS - ON MONICA
hiding behind a large planter... listening to the phone ringing on the
other end.
MONICA
Come on, guys... Pick up...
Suddenly, we hear Casanova's voice on the line.
CASANOVA'S VOICE
What's the matter...
BACK IN THE TOWER ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Casanova is listening in on another phone.
CASANOVA
Nobody home?
BACK TO M0NICA - CONTINUOUS
as she moves quickly down the hall.
INSIDE THE HERKIMER - CONTINUOUS
The Shoveler is at the wheel. The Raja sits in the passenger seat.
The others are in the back.
SHOVELER
Here we go!
He forces the stick into gear and the Herkimer lurches forward.
SHOVELER
We've got lift off!
RAJA
May the forks be with us!
EXT. DOC HELLER'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
as the Herkimer--backfiring, smoking, clanging--rumbles down the
driveway into action.
BACK IN THE HERKINER - CONTINUOUS
Shoveler tries to put the car in second gear, but it won't go. He yanks
and pulls and struggles, until the stick comes off in his hand.
RAJA
First is good.
INT. CORRIDOR IN FRANKENSTEIN TOWER - CONTINUOUS
Casanova instructs three security guards.
CASANOVA
I want her alive.
GUARDS
Yes, Mr. Frankenstein.
CAMERA PANS UP the top of a staircase... where Monica is crouched,
listening.
EXT. STREETS OF CHAMPION CITY - NIGHT
VARIOUS SHOTS as the Herkimer rumbles and smokes down Champion's main
street (in first gear) and the citizens step out of houses and bars to
watch this bizarre sight.
ON A LITTLE BOY AND HIS FATHER -
LITTLE BOY
Daddy, what is that thing?
FATHER
I don't know, son.
A couple of GRIZZLED CHARACTERS stand in front of a bar.
DRUNK
A Herkimer? Those yuppies will drive anything.
INSIDE THE HERKIMER - CONTINUOUS
ON FURIOUS AND THE OTHERS in the back.
SPHINX
Amigo, we need you.
INVISIBLE BOY
Just GET MAD!
Furious closes his eyes and tries, but it's hopeless.
INT. V.I.P. LOUNGE IN FRANKENSTEIN TOWER - CONTINUOUS
A sumptuous, hotel-like lounge. Anabel is holding court with all of
top crooks from the luncheon, charrning the pants off them... Casanova
slithers up behind her.
CASANOVA
Fellas, this is woman without whom I would have
gone sane.
(kisses her neck)
EXT. FRONT GATE OF THE FRANKENSTEIN CENTER - CONTINUOUS
A pair of security guards (the same two who got gassed by the Spleen)
are on duty, when they see... a strange looking vehicle chugging up the
hill straight for them.
GUARD 1
What the hell is that?
GUARD 2
Looks like... a Ford Dumpster.
They have a good laugh at it, then hold up their hands for it to
stop... But the Herkimer just rolls past them, hitting the iron gates
and snapping them open as if they were made of match sticks.
GUARDS
HEY!
They open fire.
INSIDE THE HERKIMER - CONTINUOUS
Bullets are heard pinging off the Herk as THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD just
ahead we see the long stairway heading up to the front door of the art
center.
SHOVELER
Hang on!
EXT. ON THE STAIRS - CONTINUOUS
Several more guards open fire, as the Herkimer hits the stairs and
starts bouncing up them...
BACK AT THE LOUNGE - ON CASANOVA
checking his watch.
CASANOVA
It's showtime.
But then they all hear... the sound of gunfire.
TONY P
What's that?
BACK ON THE STAIRS - CONTINUOUS
as the Herkimer chugs and bounces... toward the entrance of the center.
INSIDE THE HERKIMER - CONTINUOUS
Our heroes get bounced all over the place.
INT. JUST INSIDE THE CENTER - CONTINUOUS
as guards close and bolt the big wooden doors to the art center.
ON A GUARD wearing a headset.
GUARD
Mr. Frankenstein, we're being attacked.
INT. SECURITY DESK - CONTINUOUS
Casanova sits at a security console. Anabel, Tony P, and the top
crooks stand behind him, listening.
CASANOVA
By whom?
VOICE OF GUARD
We don't know!
BACK ON THE STAIRS - CONTINUOUS
as the Herkimer climbs to the top, then rams into the doors with a
thud. But the doors hold.
BACK ON THE VILLAINS -
TONY P
They'll never get through those doors.
BACK AT THE FRONT DOOR - CONTINUOUS
But the plucky little Herkimer digs in its rear wheels and pushes
against the doors like the Little Engine That Could...
INSIDE THE HERKIMER - CONTINUOUS
as our heroes encourage the Herk.
SHOVELER
Come on, baby!
BOWLER
Do it, big boy!
ON ITS WHEELS, grinding, chewing up the concrete...
JUST INSIDE THE CENTER - CONTINUOUS
as the Herkimer comes crunching through the big wooden doors of the
center, scattering the guards.
BACK INSIDE THE HERKIMER - CONTINUOUS
our heroes cheer, pat the Herk.
SHOVELER
Atta, girl!
BOWLER
Atta, boy!
BACK TO CASANOVA -
watching on a security monitor
VOICE OF GUARD
Mr. Frankenstein, they're in!
CASANOVA
Well kill them.
BACK IN THE HALL - CONTINUOUS
The Herkimer drives into the main hall of the center as a small army of
security guards swarms in, guns blazing.
BACK AT THE SECURITY DESK - CONTINUOUS
Casanova and the crooks watch the security monitor...
INSIDE THE HERKIMER - CONTINUOUS
The bullets sound like hailstones bouncing off the armor of the Herk as
our heroes grimly prepare themselves for battle...The Sphinxs puts on
his mask... the Bowler unzips her bag...Doc Heller cocks his air
cannon... Spleen and Invisible Boy load a bag with canned tornadoes...
While Mister Furious watches anxiously.
The Shoveler drives intently, bullets splattering like bugs on the
windshield.
SHOVELER
Where am I going?
RAJA
(pointing to an archway on the
other side of the hall)
Through there!
SHOVELER
Right.
But suddenly something under the hood blows up; the engine gives a long
groan, and the Herkimer rolls to a dead stop...
INSIDE/OUTSIDE THE HERIKINER - CONTINUOUS
Right in the middle, in the most exposed position of the main hall.
More guards arrive and open fire... An armored golf cart with a fifty
caliber machine gun mounted on it comes speeding into the hall,
blasting the Herk...
Inside, the sound of the big bullets is deafening as Shoveler tries to
restart the engine.
SHOVELER
No good! She's dead!
ON CASANOVA AND THE CROOKS, watching the monitor and laughing as
bullets pulverize the Herk.
TONY P
Spam in a can!
The crooks laugh.
Butsuddenly, the Herkimer's door is thrown open, revealing our heroes--
holding down Doc Heller, his air cannon at the ready. He fires--there
is a WHOOMPH of air--and the mounted gun and a dozen guards are sent
tumbling...
SECURITY DESK - CONTINUOUS - ON CASANOVA AND THE OTHERS
watching, sobered.
BACK IN THE MAIN HALL - CONTINUOUS
as our heroes come charging out of the Herkimer, using their various
skills to blow through the surprised guards. Mr. Furious comes out
last, not quite sure what to do with himself.
But suddenly, a withering barrage of machine gun fire is being laid
down on them by three guards firing tommy guns from a balcony
overlooking the floor. Bullets splatter all around them--and several
unlucky guards are hit--but our heroes dive for cover. The Raja tries
to get off a fork, but the firing is too intense. Our heroes are
pinned down.
ON MR. FURIOUS as he sees... the bag of canned tornadoes. He's got no
superpowers, and he's scared to death, but he grabs a canned tornado.
FURIOUS
Cover me!
SHOVELER
With what?
Bullets dancing all around him, Furious runs a desperate (but
impressive) zig-zag pattern across the floor... He performs a wild
somersault, comes up on his feet, pops open the can, and executes a
perfect jump shot, lobbing it right into the balcony. The tornado
funnels out, and the guards are sent flying.
ON CASANOVA AND THE TOP CROOKS watching...
ELVIS BROTHER 1
Who are those guys?
CLOSE ON CASANOVA, who knows who they are.
WHILE BACK IN THE HALL our heroes rally around a shaken Mr. Furious.
RAJA
Not bad for a normal guy!
SPHINX
Amigos!
ALL
Do or die!
EXT. COURTYARD - A MOMENT LATER - ANGLE ON
the security eye watching...
as the panicking security guards retreat under it into the main tower.
BACK TO CASANOVA -
as he types something into the security computer...
ON THE SCREEN a computerized image of the eye appears. Casanova
highlights the word "Activate" and then presses "Enter".
BACK TO THE COURTYARD - ON THE EYE
as it comes to glowing, sinister life...
A hapless guard retreats under the arch--the Eye instantly focuses on
him, and he is hit by a dozen nasty looking laser beams... that SIZZLE
HIM...
A moment later our heroes arrive at the arch. Furious is about to run
through, but Doc Heller holds him back.
HELLER
Wait! Look!
He points to... a man shaped pile of charcoal, all that remains of the
unfortunate guard.
HELLER
Laser eye... and it's a humdinger.
RAJA
No problem.
The Raja takes out a butter knife, aims, and hurls it straight at the
eye, but laser beams intercept the knife and instantly melt it into...
a formless blob of silver.
BACK TO CASANOVA AND THE TOP CROOKS -
TONY P
We'll take care of these clowns.
ELVIS BROTHER 2
Piece a cake.
BONE HEAD LEADER
No sweat.
CORRIDOR - A MOMENT LATER
as Tony P, the top crooks, and the Disco Boys march en masse TOWARD THE
CAMAERA... They are an ugly, formidable looking bunch.
EXT. COURTYARD - CONTINUOUS
Our heroes are blocked by the eye.
SHOVELER
Doc, there's got to be a way.
But the Doc is stymied... Suddenly they hear a woman's voice calling
down to them.
MONICA'S VOICE
It's up here! It's up here!
FURIOUS
(looks up)
Monica!
EXT. TOP OF THE FRANKENSTEIN TOWER - CONTINUOUS
Monica leans over the edge of the balcony, the wolf sculpture looming
over her, shouting down at them.
MONICA
ROY! THE PSYCHO THING IS--!
But strong hands suddenly grab her. It's Casanova.
BACK TO FURIOUS - CONTINUOUS
as high above he hears Monica scream.
BACK TO THE BALCONY - CONTINUOUS
Casanova, hand held tightly across Monica's mouth, shouts down
tauntingly to Furious.
CASANOVA
Thanks, Roy! She's just my type. You can have
her back... when I'm done!
BACK T0 FURIOUS - CONTINUOUS
as he hears Casanova's evil laugh and Monica's scream. He is desperate
to find a way up, but the wall is completely sheer. He feels helpless-
frantic, near tears...
FLASH TO the terrified little boy trapped in the back of his p8arents'
car, crying, pounding on the windows...
And then... Mr. Furious' hands clench into fists--his hair stands up--
and his face turns into a mask of primordial rage. His button has
finally been pressed. Be's MAD! He reaches up as high as he can...
CLOSE ON HIS HAND -
as his fingers literally dig into the concrete of the wall... and he
pulls himself up.
BACK AT THE TOP 0F THE TOWER - CONTINUOUS
Casanova throws Monica onto the bed, puts his hands on her throat and
strangles her as she thrashes helplessly against his immense strength.
BACK TO FURIOUS -
Fifty feet up and climbing. He pulls himself up, one hand, then
another, digging in his fingernails, catchng his toes on whatever tiny
cracks he can find... as the others gaze up at him.
HELLER
He'll never make it.
BOWLER
Think positive.
Meanwhile, Invisible Boy stands staring at the security eye, a look of
fierce determination on his face. This is his moment.
INVISIBLE BOY
(to himself)
I can do it.
He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and concentrates...
ON FURIOUS as the fingers of one hand lose their grip and a toehold
gives way... For a desperate moment, Furious is dangling off the wall
by the tips of the fingers of one hand. Only his incredible rage keeps
his fingertips taut.
Suddenly, there is a flash of silver, and a large cake fork embeds in
the concrete not far from his head. Furious grabs hold of it, and
throws a grateful look down to the Raja...
Who salaams up at him...
As Invisible Boy, eyes closed in concentration, walks very slowly,
hands at his sides, in an almost Egyptian pose... toward the eye...
which stares down mercilessly, waiting for its next victim...
we notice that Invisible Boy has become... just slightly transparent.
AT THE TOP OF THE TOWER - CONTINUOUS - ON CASANOVA
a look of pleasure on his face as he strangles Monica. Her resistance
fades. Her hands fall away. She is pale, beautiful, almost gone, a
picture of exquisite death.
CASANOVA
(admiring her)
Some girls just know how to die.
Suddenly, we hear someone cursing Casanova in Russian. He turns and
sees... Anabel standing there, pistol in hand.
ANABEL
You two timing psychotic bastard.
CASANOVA
Darling, you've got the wrong idea.
ANABEL
(aiming at his heart)
Do I?
CASANOVA
I was only strangling her... I've killed hundreds of women.
It doesn't mean a thing.
(moving toward her, turning on
that old Frankenstein Charm)
Pootchkie, you're over-reacting. This is our
night. It's what we've lied for... cheated
for... murdered for. She's just a plaything, a
trifle... You're the only woman who's ever
meant anything to me. I adore you. I worship
you. I want to make you my bride.
She succumbs to his charms, and he gently takes the pistol out of her
hand.
CASANOVA
There's just one thing...
(with a psychotic smile)
I don't need you anymore.
A look of terror comes across her face as she sees the murder in his
eyes.
CASANOVA
Don't worry, Darling. I never hit a lady.
EXT. ON THE WALL - A MOMENT LATER - ON FURIOUS
still climbing as he hears a scream, looks up... and sees Anabel go
plummeting past him.
ON OUR HEROES down below.
BOWLER
Heads up!
CAMERA HOLDS ON OUR HEROES, wincing as Anabel hits with an ugly thud.
Suddenly they hear Invisible Boy calling to them.
INVISIBLE BOY
Guys, I did it! I did it! I'm invisible!
They all turn and see... Invisible Boy, totally visible, but standing
on the other side of the arch.
INVISIBLE BOY
Can you see me?
ALL
Yes!
INVISIBLE BOY
Nuts.
SHOVELER
Kid, turn that thing off!
Invisible Boy turns and sees... a computer screen built into the wall
(with the same image of the eye on it that was on Casanova's computer),
but he doesn't have a clue how to turn it off. Suddenly, he hears
running feet, turns and sees...
The top crooks and the Disco Boys rushing towards him through the giant
sculptures. He gets an idea... and stands right in front of the
computer screen.
INVISIBLE BOY
HEY! CREEPS!
He makes a face at them--and a dozen guns are instantly fired at him.
He jumps clear behind a pillar--as the bullets smash into the wall...
one of them demolishing the computer screen.
CLOSE ON THE EYE -
as it goes dead.
ON INVISIBLE BOY, hiding behind the pillar... realizing he's been shot
in the shoulder.
BACK ON OUR HEROES -
SHOVELER
This is it! DO OR DIE!
The villains form a line, bristling with pistols... as our heroes, led
by Sphinx, Shoveler, and Bowler come running through the arch. The
threesome go shoulder to shoulder (with our other heroes right behind
them) as the villains open fire, laying down a deadly fusillade...
ON SHOVELER, BOWLER, AND SPHINX, standing together, deflecting their
bullets with shovel, bowling ball, and machete... (as they practiced
with pebbles at the farm)... with the Raja right behind them, hurling
silverware...
ON THE VILLAINS, rapid firing... but their own bullets ricochet back
into them, dropping them... They start to fall back.
BACK TO THE TOP OF THE TOWER - CONTINUOUS
Casanova is about to finish Monica.
CASANOVA
And the light goes out...
FURIOUS (0.S.)
Frankenstein!
Casanova turns and sees... Furious, standing on the balcony.
CASANOVA
Roy... What took you so long?
Furious starts at Casanova, who aims Anabel's pistol at him. Furious
hesitates.
CASANOVA
Let me guess... Bullets don't hurt you.
FURIOUS
They hurt... BUT THEY DON'T STOP ME!
Furious lunges at Casanova--who gets off a shot before Furious grabs
the gun out of his hand. Casanova ducks clear. Furious tosses the
pistol away... then realizes he's bleeding from a shoulder wound.
CASANOVA
Smarts, doesn't it?... Shall we dance?
He turns on his stereo and the sound of DISCO MUSIC fills the air...
INTERCUT BETWEEN THE TWO FIGHTS - CONTINUOUS
Downstairs, the villains have regrouped.
TONY P
Let's rush 'em!
They charge en mass at our heroes... who are waiting for them...
pinching their noses closed, the Spleen bent over at their forefront...
While Casanova dances around Furious like a cat... Furious, fighting
the pain of his bullet wound, lunges at him, and Casanova neatly
sidesteps him...
The crooks and Disco Boys fall back, gasping, choking in the noxious
fumes...
As Casanova attacks...
Advancing shoulder to shoulder, fighting as a team, our heroes wield
machete, fork, shovel, bowling ball, and canned tornado... forcing the
villains back...
Casanova comes at Furious relentlessly, kicking and spinning... and
Furious gets the worst of it.
Suddenly, a squad of Disco Boys comes charging at our heroes from the
flank... but Doc Heller turns to face them, shrinker spray held Rambo-
style on his hip. He lets them have it, blasting them with a DENSE
BLUE SPRAY...
When the spray clears, the D Boys lie squirming on the floor, prisoners
in their now child sized disco suits...
DISCO BOYS
Help!... Get me out of this!
(Etc.)
Upstairs, Casanova pummels Furious...
While, downstairs, the Shoveler dispatches the Elvis Brothers with some
nifty shovel work... But suddenly, the Bland Boys, pistols blazing, are
advancing on him, forcing him back against the base of a sculpture.
But the Raja suddenly leaps up onto the sculpture.
RAJA (0.S.)
Gentlemen!
The Bland Boys look up and see... the Raja, both hands filled with
silverware... which he HURLS...
A beat later the Bland Boys, bristling with forks and grapefruit
spoons, run screaming through the sculptures... as Tony P, pistol in
hand, skulks out from behind a sculpture and spots... the Bowler.
Upstairs, Furious goes flying against a wall...
CASANOVA
Roy, you're making this too easy.
As Tony P takes a careful bead on the Bowler.
TONY P
Say hello to Daddy for me!
He opens fire, but she goes instantly into her ball svinging frenzy...
He fires, missing--she's too fast to keep a bead on... Finally, his gun
clicks empty. She turns and faces him.
BOWLER
(grimly)
Daddy says hello.
She HURLS the ball at him--like a fiery softball pitch.
BALL'S POV -
going straight for Tony P's SCREAMING head...
ON THE BOWLER, watching--as Tony's scream is cut short by a gruesose
thud.
Back upstairs Casanova cornmes at Furious again... but Furious ducks
the kick, pops back up and smashes Casanova with his good arm...
sending him flying across the room... Casanova recovers.
CASANOVA
Let's change the tune.
He reaches into his pocket and takes out the remote device (that Anabel
used at the luncheon). He presses a button...
ON THE WOLF SCULPTURE as the jaws open, its eyes glow red... and the
dreadful sound of the Psychostridulator grinds up and FILLS THE NIGHT
AIR LIKE A SIREN.
Downstairs, the foul noise fills the room and our heroes and the
villains all go into a full blown psychotic episode... The villains
start shooting and stabbing each other.
SERIES OF SHOTS - AROUND THE CITY - CONTINUOUS
On Main Street cars slam into each other. Pedestrians start screaming
and fightinq... A man and his dog snarl and snap at each other...
The Customers at the Lakeside Diner go insane, hurling plates and
food...
At the Shoveler's house the kids turn psycho in front of the
television...
ANGLE ON A TYPICAL SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD -
as the sounds of screaming and smashing dishes and furniture can be
heard coming from all the houses...
LONG ANGLE OF CHAMPION CITY -
as a din of collective insanity rises up from the city...
BACK TO THE TOP OF THE TOWER - CONTINUOUS - ON CASANOVA
in full psychotic ecstasy...
CASANOVA
WHAT A RUSH!
(tosses the remote off the balcony)
ON MONICA, still motionless on the bed...
Casanova and Furious collide in the center of the room and grapple in a
contest of psychotically enhanced superhuman strength... Casanova gets
his hands around Furious's throat and crushes it... Furious drops to
his knees, and Casanova thinks he's got him. But Furious, grimacing
with rage, looks him right in the eye.
FURIOUS
(raspy voiced)
Is... that... all you got?
Furious grabs Casanova's wrists... and crushes them. Casanova howls
with pain, loses his grip. Furious slugs him, again and again... then
he grabs Casanova by the belt, swings him around, and HURLS him into
the air...
Casanova CRASHES into the huge crystal chandelier--there is an
explosion of crystal and glass. Furious averts his eyes as cut glass
rains down all around him... then he looks up and sees...
Casanova's gold chain has hooked onto a fixture of the chandelier.
Casanova kicks and flails... as he is hanged by the neck on his own
gold chain...
Furious moves to the wolf sculpture. Be PLUNGES HIS HAND through its
bronze casing, and RIPS OUT the heart of the Psychostridulator, a
flashing football sized device that gives off an unamplifjed, but
higher pitched and more irritating sound...
Furious HURLS the device hard against the floor, and it smashes into a
thousand pieces...
CLOSE ON ONE OF THE PIECES -
In insect sized device that gives off an even higher pitched, even more
disorienting sound. This is the very nerve center of the
Psychostridulator...
Furious lifts his foot and crushes it hard under his heel...
SILENCE...
Furious drops to his knees, wounded, exhausted... He looks up... at
Casanova, who dangles lifelessly off the chandelier...
FURIOUS
Nice dancing with you.
SERIES OF SHOTS - VARIOUS LOCATIONS - CONTINUOUS
as our other heroes return to their senses amidst the vanquished
crooks... the traumatized reunants of whom run for it. Things also
return to normal...
On the street...
At the Lakeside Diner...
And at the Shoveler's house...
BACK TO THE TOP OF THE TOWER - CONTINUOUS
Furious moves to the bed, where Monica lies motionless and pale...
FURIOUS
Monica...
He touches her face, her eyes open, and she looks at him.
MONICA
You're beautiful when you're angry.
He takes her tenderly in his arm... as the Raja, the Shoveler and the
others rush into the room and see... Furious and Monica embracing.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE FRANKENSTEIN CENTER - A LITTLE LATER
Police cars and news vans arrive... as our heroes, battered, wounded,
but victorious walk proudly down the long stairs...
Furious and Monica hold each other up. Wounded Invisible Boy has his
arm around the Spleen... while policemen and news people run up the
stairs past them into the center, ignoring them as always...
But this time our heroes could care less. They are superheroes, and
they don't give a damn who knows it.
INT. THE RAJA'S HOUSE - NIGHT
as the Raja opens the door and enters...
RAJA
Mama!
She is there, waiting up for him.
RAJA
I'm home.
They embrace.
INT. SHOVELER'S DOUSE - NIGHT - CLOSE ON A TV SCREEN
Don Stouffer is reporting.
DON
Few details have emerged...
ON THE SHOVELER'S KIDS, on the couch, still rattled by their psychotic
episode, glued to the TV -
DON (0.S.)
...but the Dawn Patrol got this exclusive
interview vith two of the suspects.
ON THE TV -
Dawn Wong interviews the battered, handcuffed Elvis Brothers as they
are led away...
ELVIS BROTHER I
I don't know who those guys were--but I never
want to see 'em again.
ELVIS BROTHER 2
Especially that big dude with the shovel...
ELVIS BROTHER 1
(near tears)
He was the worst!
ON THE KIDS' COLLECTIVE REACTION as they realize who it was... and then
they hear the front door open...
In the front hall the Shoveler enters wearily; his shoulder hurts, his
back is killing him... as his kids come running to him.
KIDS
Dad!... Dad!... You okay?... You hurt?
SHOVELER
(shocked by this welcome)
I'm okay--I'm all right.
EDDIE JR.
Lean on me, Dad.
LENORE
I'll hold your shovel, Dad.
They lead him back into the living room, and give him the prime spot on
the couch.
BUTCH
You want a soda, Dad?
SHOVELER
(stunned)
Okay.
He runs to get it as Eddie Jr. slides a footstool under his feet and
Tracy puts a pillow behind his back. Roland, the little one, cuddles
up next to him, puts his arm around him.
ROLAND
Nice work. Dad.
SHOVELER
Thanks, Roland.
ROLAND
You really are a superhero, aren't you?
The Shoveler nods. A few minutes later... The Shoveler sits on the
couch, feet up, soda in hand. The television is off. His kids all
huddled around him, hanging on his every word.
SHOVELER
And that's when the engine blew up.
KIDS
Whoa...
BUTCH
What did you do?
SHOVELER
Well...
ON LUCILLE as she comes in and sees... her husband surrounded by his
kids, a happy man at last.
EXT. LAKESIDE DINER - THE NEXT NIGHT - ESTABLISHING
INT. THE DINER - CONTINUOUS - ON THE SPLEEN
sitting between the Bowler and a bandaged Invisible Boy. The Bowler has
her arm chummily around the Spleen's shoulder. The Spleen finally has
real friends. Doc Heller discusses the art of fork throwing with the
Raja as the Shoveler listens in. The Sphinx sits at the end of the
table, silent.
DOC HELLER
So you're never actually conscious of range or
trajectory?
RAJA
Heck no. I just chuck 'em.
Monica (in her waitress outfit) sits close to a bandaged Mister
Furious.
ON THE TV -
Dawn Wong reports.
DAWN
It's been twenty-four hours since the deadly
psycho-sonic attack and bloody shoot-out that
left Casanova Frankenstein and dozen of the
city's top hoodlums dead... But tonight the
question remains... Who were these heroic
mystery men who saved our city?...
ON OUR HEROES -
BOWLER
Could have been anybody.
They laugh.
RAJA
Wait a minute... That's it. That's our name.
We're... the Mystery Men.
They all like it, except for the Bowler.
BOWLER
Hey, do I look like a Man?
SHOVELER
Well we can't call ourselves the Mystery People.
SPLEEN
(singing, ala "Macho Man")
Mystery, Mystery Man... I want to be a Mystery
Man...
SHOVELER & RAJA
Shut up.
BOWLER
Eat your mustard.
FURIOUS
It doesn't matter what we call ourselves. We
know who we are.
RAJA
Yes, Obie-wan.
INVISIBLE BOY
Hey... he's gone.
The others see... that the Sphinx's chair is empty. Raja spots a
crumpled napkin on the table, opens it up, and reads.
RAJA
"Until you need me again... Adios."
A silence... Reactions from our heroes as they realize that the Sphinx
is gone...
SHOVELER
I miss him already.
Suddenly, somewhere in the night, a burst of gunfire and screams are
heard. THE FINAL MUSIC BEGINS...
FURIOUS
Amigos, duty calls.
The Mystery Men wolf their burgers, then stand and start for the
street...
As Monica watches them leave, a PATRON asks her:
PATRON
Miss... who are those guys?
MONICA
(after a moment)
I don't know.
JUST OUTSIDE THE DINER - A MOMENT LATER
HEROIC GROUP SHOT as the Mystery Men merch down the middle of street,
toward the sound of the gunfire... and into the night.
THEME AND CREDITS...
THE END
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